{"id":304432,"date":"2017-03-23T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-03-23T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/where-have-all-the-mentors-gone\/"},"modified":"2017-03-23T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-03-23T15:00:00","slug":"where-have-all-the-mentors-gone","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-have-all-the-mentors-gone\/","title":{"rendered":"Where Have All the Mentors Gone?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kent Evans discusses the impact his friend&#8217;s father, John, had on him when he was young. Kent talks about the letter John wrote to\u00a0him that influenced\u00a0him to consider putting his faith in Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-23.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.58M","filesize_raw":"26817955","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2826,2821],"tags":[4698,4052,4096],"podcast_series":[8199],"cwp_profile":[3470],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304432","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-men","category-reaching-out","tag-manhood","tag-mentor","tag-mentoring","podcast_series-wise-guys-wisdom-from-men-around-you","cwp_profile-kent-evans","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304432\/where-have-all-the-mentors-gone","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304432\/where-have-all-the-mentors-gone","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"bETHbTStcd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-have-all-the-mentors-gone\/\">Where Have All the Mentors Gone?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-have-all-the-mentors-gone\/embed\/#?secret=bETHbTStcd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Where Have All the Mentors Gone?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"bETHbTStcd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-23.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-23.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s tough to go on a journey without a GPS \/ tough to navigate where you are trying to get to without a map. That\u2019s true in life as well as in travels. Here\u2019s Kent Evans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Ask yourself, \u201cWhat is the difference between being a boy and a man?\u201d\u00a0 If you can answer that question, you are way ahead; because, if you understand the difference between a boy and being a man, you at least have the target on the horizon\u2014you can at least see where you are going. But if I don\u2019t know where I am and I don\u2019t know where I\u2019m going, then, I\u2019m hopeless. I think that\u2019s where we find a lot of guys today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, March 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. As dads, we need to play a role in providing a map for our sons to know where they\u2019re headed on their journey to manhood; and we need to know where we are headed as well. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, I\u2019m going to try this out\u2014see if you can tell me what I\u2019m thinking of by this; okay?\u00a0 [Squeaky voice] \u201cAw, a wise guy?\u201d\u00a0 Does that make you think of anything?\u00a0 What does that bring to mind immediately?\u00a0 [Squeaky voice] \u201cAw, a wise guy; huh?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard it somewhere, but I\u2019m not calling it up right now. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s <em>The Three Stooges<\/em>. That\u2019s <em>The Three Stooges<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Curly\u2014that\u2019s Curly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He knows! [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Curly; huh?\u00a0 [Laughter] Well, we have a wise guy\u2014[<em>Knock, knock, knock<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There we go!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There we go!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 We have a wise guy with us. Kent Evans joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Kent, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>My pleasure, Dennis. Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kent is the cofounder of The Manhood Journey, a ministry that helps fathers and mentors build the next generation of godly men. He and his wife have been married for 20 years, and they have four sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got a natural opportunity to mentor young men built into your family; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Kent: <\/strong>You\u2019ve got it. I\u2019ve got to get it right at home; don\u2019t I?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You do. He\u2019s authored a book by the title of Bob\u2019s introduction here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we should just say, for our listeners\u2014because some of them are impressed that you didn\u2019t recognize <em>The Three Stooges<\/em> right away\u2014I think this shows you have more class than Kent or I have. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; it just shows\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Highbrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014I just wasn\u2019t calling it up. That would have been who I would have guessed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014but I thought, \u201cNo; that\u2019s not right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m not going to say <em>The Three Stooges<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cSomething doesn\u2019t sound right about that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kent\u2019s book is subtitled <em>Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You<\/em>. And Kent, you began your book by talking about how you believe this idea of mentoring is a lost art today. What do you think has happened here?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>I think part of it is the human condition; right?\u00a0 It\u2019s pride\u2014plain and simple. We don\u2019t want to ask for help, and I think that\u2019s pretty consistent across men. But I think the other piece of it is\u2014ours has become a culture of arguing and screaming at each other when we disagree. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that really puts a barrier in between us and those guys who could possibly help us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think there is also a generation of men who feel like they don\u2019t have anything to say to a younger generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>And probably a generation that feels like they have nothing to hear, who don\u2019t want to hear anything either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You came from an interesting background yourself. Early in your book, you mention your family broke up when you were a teenager. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That impacted you and your own teach-ability\u2014your own desire to be mentored \/ to be discipled by older men. Explain what happened to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; like a lot of guys, who go through those kinds of situations with their family, I was angry\u2014super angry \/ confused. I went to a counselor, who\u2014I was not a believer at the time\u2014turns out he was. I didn\u2019t know that. But I went to this counselor; and he said, \u201cHey, I understand that you are angry; but what you cannot do is\u2014 you cannot become the un-something.\u201d\u00a0 And I just remember that statement rattling in my head. I said, \u201cWhat do you mean, Weldon?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYour brain doesn\u2019t know what to do with: \u2018I will never be like my dad,\u201d or \u201c\u2026my mom,\u201d or \u201c\u2026my uncle.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s like: \u201cYour brain can\u2019t do that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s the un-something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>That\u2019s the un-something. And I said, \u201cSo, what\u2019s the antidote?\u201d\u00a0 He said: \u201cFind guys who have something you <em>want<\/em>\u2014better marriage, better finances, better golf game\u2014I don\u2019t care. Learn how to learn from other men.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what he told me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, was your dad absent from your life at that point?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>No; not absent. In fact, he was quite <em>engaged<\/em> on what I would call a mechanical level. In other words, he coached my baseball teams \/ he took me to soccer practice. In many respects, he provided for our family. In many respects, he was a good dad in terms of the mechanics. Spiritually\u2014nothing; right?\u00a0 And that was the challenge\u2014I had a void in my heart, spiritually, that I was looking to find the solution for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, what had made you angry?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>You know, I guess I had a paradigm of what a family was supposed to look like\u2014Mom and Dad are happy \/ they are together. Now, all of a sudden, I don\u2019t have that anymore. I was a good student, you know, in high school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014got good grades and all that\u2014and I went to college and almost flunked out. I just was angry. I\u2019m not entirely sure I know why, Dennis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, it\u2019s interesting that he didn\u2019t focus you inwardly on what the cause of your anger was. He focused you outwardly toward other men and other relationships that he knew would make you grow, as a young man. I think that\u2014speaking of a wise guy\u2014that\u2019s profound wisdom to give a teenager because a lot of teenage guys, I think, are angry. They\u2019re experiencing all kinds of emotions that they don\u2019t understand. It does them good to be focused outside their own lives and have other men rubbing off on them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Well, sometimes, you hear something and it resonates with you; right?\u00a0 You find out later why it resonated with you. In my case, the reason I think Weldon\u2019s advice resonated with me so much is because it\u2019s basically the gospel in one small statement. That is, as I\u2019ve walked through my walk with Christ, it\u2019s the process of becoming focused on other people. It\u2019s the process of becoming less selfish \/ less about me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven marriage; right?\u2014I\u2019ve got to die to myself and learn how to serve my wife as Jesus served the church. So, I think his advice resonated with me so much because, deep down, I was missing something spiritually; and he had put his finger on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re really talking about what Paul exhorted Timothy to do in his second epistle called 2 Timothy. He said, \u201cAnd what you have heard from me,\u201d\u2014Timothy\u2014\u201cin the presence of many witnesses, entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.\u201d\u00a0 So, what he was saying to Timothy is: \u201cRemember what I taught you?\u00a0 I taught you things that you need to be passing on to others. You need to be a mentor. You need to be discipling other men in your life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes, I think in 1 Peter 4, when it says, \u201cWhatever gift you\u2019ve been given, use that gift\u201d\u2014basically\u2014\u201cto bless other people.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s part of what Paul is saying to Timothy: \u201cPart of this stuff\u2014this stuff I\u2019ve taught you is not really yours. You are a steward of this for a season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGive it to other men. Find other men to entrust it to.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, apart from a counselor who helped you with anger issues, who was another person that started pointing you in a direction where your life has ended up today?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; I remember growing up with a good friend named Dave. Dave\u2019s dad, John, was the first guy\u2014in college, Dave\u2019s dad sent me a note\/ a letter, handwritten, back in the old days, when you needed a sheet of paper, and a stamp, and an envelope to get something to somebody. I opened this letter in college\u2014I was not a believer\u2014and this letter was about finding God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was John thanking me for being Dave\u2019s friend and, then, using that <em>entre<\/em> to tell me that I need to continue to grow. It was <em>awesome<\/em>. I remember going back and thinking, \u201cI didn\u2019t even ask for this guy; but he stepped into my life, sent me a letter \/ thanked me for being his son\u2019s best friend.\u201d\u00a0 That was probably the first push toward this mentoring relationship that I can remember. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It was not off-putting to you that he was trying to talk to you about God?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>No; I mean, I grew up in a context where I knew there was a God\u2014I knew there was right and wrong\u2014I just didn\u2019t have a personal relationship with Him. I wasn\u2019t anti-God\u2014I just didn\u2019t really know who He was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, what would you say\u2014you know, Bob was talking about guys who don\u2019t know what they\u2019re aiming for in life\u2014where they are headed \/ what their purpose is\u2014what would you say to a young man who is at that place right now?\u00a0 Maybe, he is listening to this broadcast. Maybe, we\u2019re talking to his mother, or his father, or his grandfather\u2014and you\u2019ve got those in his life\u2014or maybe, it\u2019s him, listening, who needs the help and needs your counsel and your advice. What would you say to him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>The first thing I would say is: \u201cAsk yourself:\u201d\u2014and this is a question I ask myself over and over again\u2014\u201c\u2019What is the difference between being a boy and a man?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 And if you can answer that question, you are way ahead; because, if you understand the difference between being a boy and being a man, you at least have the target on the horizon\u2014you can at least see where you are going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I\u2019m in Little Rock. If I wanted to get home, I know I\u2019ve got to go east. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>That\u2019s because I kind of know where Louisville is from here. But if I don\u2019t know where I am and I don\u2019t know where I\u2019m going, then, I\u2019m hopeless. I think that\u2019s where we find a lot of guys today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, a young man, who says: \u201cOkay; the difference between a boy and a man\u2014well, society kind of defines that for you. You can vote when you\u2019re a man. You can go to war. You can drink. We\u2019ve got these markers\u2014you can drive a car. So, somewhere between 16 and 21, it just happens.\u201d\u00a0 If somebody offered that as a definition, what would you say to him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Well, I would say, like any other definition that we let culture give us, it\u2019s not going to probably be a biblical definition. There are some mechanical things about being a man\u2014you go through puberty \/ you can start a family\u2014there are things you can do; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the difference is\u2014God is the first Father, and God gave us a picture of what fatherhood is to look like. Whether you are a dad or not isn\u2019t the point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is\u2014that is the picture of manhood\u2014it\u2019s sacrificial; it is service to others; it\u2019s love\u2014it\u2019s those things. That\u2019s what being a man is all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If our listeners are interested, they can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve got a video clip up there where we went on the street and asked people the question that you raise: \u201cWhen does a boy become a man?\u201d\u00a0 It was <em>very<\/em> interesting\u2014we asked men and women, all ages, all backgrounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, every kind of background. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; some of the answers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>People ought to really go online and watch this, because it\u2019s <em>fascinating<\/em>. And listen to what they say and what they don\u2019t say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; the clip is up at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019re talking to Kent Evans who has written a book called <em>Wise Guys: Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kent, you actually developed a little exercise for men to do, who were thinking about what we are talking about here\u2014about finding their purpose \/ finding out who they want to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou use a sheet of paper, and you ask them to do one thing on one side of the paper and something else on the other. Explain what you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; a lot of times, we talk\u2014even as young men or boys, we talked about: \u201cWhat do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d\u00a0 I was at dinner with some friends last night in Little Rock. I was asking their son, a young boy, \u201cWhat do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d\u00a0 But that\u2019s really, probably, the wrong question. The question is, \u201c<em>Who<\/em> do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for me, the left side of the paper is for you to figure out: \u201cWhat are the things you want to exemplify as a person?\u00a0 Well, how would you want people to describe you?\u00a0 What kind of character traits would you want them to have?\u201d\u00a0 And you take that left side of that paper and write those down: \u201cDo you want to be honest, and forthright, and disciplined?\u201d\u2014or exercise: \u201cDo you want to be physically fit?\u201d\u2014whatever those things are. Then, on the right side of the paper: \u201cCan you show me what you are doing today to get any closer to those things?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd for me, when I was in my early 20s, the whole sheet was blank. I had nothing on the left side \/ nothing on the right side; right?\u00a0 I had no clue of who I wanted to be when I grew up, and I was doing <em>nothing<\/em> to get anywhere close to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what I would say to a mom and dad, who are raising a son \/ a teenage son: \u201cYou need to realize a lot of teenage young men don\u2019t know who they are. They don\u2019t know what they want to become. That\u2019s why they\u2019ve got you as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cThat\u2019s why the assignment has been given to you to shape the soul, and the life, and the character of the young man that\u2019s been given to you.\u201d\u00a0 By the way, the same thing applies to young ladies as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; and I would say: \u201cOftentimes, we get into our 30s or 40s\u2014we start having kids\u2014and we think: \u2018Man, I can\u2019t teach these kids how to go through the teen years. I did such a lousy job of it.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s pride \/ that\u2019s ego. Man, if you\u2019re a mom or a dad, and you are in your 30s or 40s or 50s, and you feel like you can\u2019t raise your kids because you did it wrong, you\u2019ve left out room for the gospel. You\u2019ve left the gospel completely out of the story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. Yes; and I would say to you: \u201cYou\u2019re believing a lie.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I would say to guys, especially, who don\u2019t feel like they can speak into the lives of their sons because of their own failures: \u201cYour failures may be the greatest lessons you\u2019ve learned to be able to pass onto your sons.\u201d\u00a0 And it\u2019s not like you\u2019re going to pollute the stream with your failures, especially if you talk about the redemption of how God used it and use it as a warning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis morning, I read pieces of Proverbs 5-7. It\u2019s a passage of Scripture where it is a father saying, \u201cListen, my son, for I give you sound advice.\u201d He\u2019s warning a young man about the woman of the street \/ about the next door neighbor who is seductive. He\u2019s warning him about the consequences of what will happen there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is not optional stuff we\u2019re talking about here. You may not feel equipped, as a father, to do this\u2014or as a grandfather\u2014to speak into your grandkids\u2019 lives. It doesn\u2019t matter if you feel equipped. You\u2019ve got to press in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, you\u2019ll find that God will give you the words even before your mouth opens. You take a breath, and you go, \u201cHelp me, God.\u201d I told a parent the other day\u2014I said, \u201cGod loves the prayer of a helpless parent.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Oh man!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>When you\u2019re helpless, He shows up. And that\u2019s what families need today. They need people dependent upon Him, who are attempting to do their assignment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>And I\u2019ve got to resist the urge\u2014I don\u2019t know if you did this, Dennis, when your kids were younger\u2014but I have to resist the urge to parent from, basically, from myself: \u201cHey, boys, this is how you do it. Let me tell you how to do it. This is Dad telling you how to do it.\u201d\u00a0 Even if you are an engaged father \/ even if you want to be an engaged father, I can\u2019t parent from myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll I can do, as a parent, is connect them to God. I can say, \u201cLook, Dad\u2019s going to blow it.\u201d\u00a0 Just a couple of weeks ago, I was so angry with one of my kids\u2014I yelled at him, and I got in his face. It was wrong \/ it was sinful. I went to him after; and I said: \u201cJonathan, Dad was wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI should not have yelled at you like that. I should not have gotten in your face. It was inappropriate. Will you forgive me?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cSure.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I said: \u201cGod\u2019s never going to treat you like that. That\u2019s not how God operates. I\u2019m not a perfect example of God the Father. Don\u2019t let my failings cloud your judgment of <em>Him<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 And for me, that\u2019s the beauty of\u2014it takes all the pressure out of parenting when you have that\u2014where you can turn your failures into a discussion about the gospel!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We get many letters\u2014Bob, you know\u2014here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I read one the other day that was just complaining that all we did was talk about our perfect families. And I kind of wonder which broadcast they\u2019re listening to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Is that why you guys had me in?\u2014to fix that problem?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; you\u2019re just a continuation of the story because\u2014as you talk about yelling at your kids, and getting angry, and pitching a fit, and having to apologize\u2014I thought, \u201cHow many times did I do that?\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that I could count all the times. I remember a few that are really etched in my memory that I\u2019m really sad about\u2014really sorry about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but I attempted to use them to show my son what it looks like for a man to admit he\u2019s blown it and ask for forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s so important because I think, in our day, we have a tendency to see the normal Christian life as a perpetual mess. [Laughter] There are some who would say, \u201cLook, you know, being a Christian\u2014it\u2019s messy.\u201d\u00a0 I think we have to recognize that if you are walking with Christ, it\u2019s not that there is never a mess. There are messes all the time, but those messes get better over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There is hope!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is hope. There\u2019s victory over stuff. I would say to a person: \u201cIf it\u2019s just one perpetual mess after another, then, maybe, you need to go back and reexamine the foundation of the walk you have; because Jesus didn\u2019t come so that He\u2019d just be your friend in the mess. He came to lead you out of the mess.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>We did a game, for our family, over a couple of years. It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I was trying to get a word out of my vocabulary that was not a God-honoring\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Not an edifying word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>\u2014not an edifying word. So, what I did is\u2014with my boys, we made a deal\u2014every time Dad said the word, whoever said it first \/ told me first, got a dollar. Now, I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014that hurt the family budget for a season; but\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Boys got wealthy in the process?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>\u2014my kid has a car. [Laughter] I don\u2019t know what happened there\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but what did happen over time, to your point, Bob, is that the dollars got less frequent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Right?\u2014because I had invited my kids into the circle of accountability and said: \u201cLook, guys, this is not okay for Dad to do. So, help me hear it when I say it,\u201d because I said it so often that I forgot I was saying it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>And they helped me and got rich in the process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. And you\u2019re just reminding me, Kent, of something I\u2019ve said, who knows how many times, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014but you\u2019ve just got to underscore it here: \u201cGod didn\u2019t give me and Barbara six kids so that we could just help them grow up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe gave us six kids to finish the process of helping <em>us<\/em> to grow up.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what you\u2019re talking about\u2014your accountability\u2014and you joked about your kid being able to purchase a car because of how many dollar bills you had to toss in the kitty\u2014that kind of accountability\u2014that\u2019s healthy!\u00a0 That gets a man out of his habits, and out of his laziness, and just being able to say whatever he thinks and feels at the moment, and realizes he\u2019s a model. He has been given, by God, to be a model to his sons and daughters to love his wife as Christ loved the church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014if you\u2019re going to do that right \/ if you\u2019re going to be the kind of parent and dad that\u2019s needed today in this culture, it is going to cost you something. It\u2019s going to cost you a whole lot more than a buck. It\u2019s going to cost you denial of self. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; and I think we\u2019ve lost that a bit in the church\u2014especially, is the ability to lovingly and in a caring manner rebuke our brothers when they are out of line. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can think of a story when a guy pulled me aside and just said: \u201cKent, you\u2019ve been avoiding me. You\u2019ve been avoiding me because you owe me something, and you haven\u2019t gotten it to me. And you know what?\u00a0 As a business guy, I\u2019m disappointed because you\u2019re not delivering; but as a brother, I\u2019m especially disappointed. I expected better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember just thinking: \u201cOh! That hurts. That hurts.\u201d\u00a0 But that kind of accountability\u2014he did that out of love. He didn\u2019t scream at me, or cuss at me, or raise his voice. He just said, \u201cKent, you need to do this better.\u201d\u00a0 And that kind of accountability has helped me become a more responsible and more accountable adult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what\u2019s at the heart of your book, which is men in the lives of other men, being honest, being transparent, and being appropriately intrusive into one another\u2019s lives. The only way we\u2019re going to get where we want to go, spiritually, is if we\u2019re doing that with one another. If we are trying to say: \u201cI\u2019m just going to handle this myself and take care of this. I\u2019ll do my best,\u201d we\u2019re just going to wind up <em>stuck<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need other guys to help us get <em>unstuck<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We do. That\u2019s really the strength, I think, of relationships among men, where they challenge each other to step up. Pardon me for using that phrase, but that\u2019s why I wrote the book\u2014to get men relating with other men about stepping up and calling them up around the steps that it takes to move through life. You move from boyhood to adolescence, adolescence to manhood, manhood to mentor\u2014what we\u2019re talking about here. Then, if you really live out the mentor step, over time, you will become a sage or a patriarch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnfortunately, that word, patriarch, has all kinds of excess baggage attached to it. It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s not a good word. It is a good word when lived out by a man who is following Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s hard for me to imagine there are guys listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> who don\u2019t have a copy of your book and haven\u2019t read it already or haven\u2019t gone through the video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I meet guys all the time and I\u2019ll say: \u201cHave you heard about Dennis\u2019s book?\u00a0 Have you gone through our <em>Stepping Up<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video series?\u201d\u00a0 And it\u2019s like they are hearing about it for the first time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, let me just say\u2014the ten-session video series that we\u2019ve put together\u2014based on the book that Dennis wrote called <em>Stepping Up<\/em>\u2014these are great resources to help provide coaching and wisdom for younger men \/ for older men\u2014for all of us on our journey to be the kind of men God has called us to be as husbands, as dads, and as men in the marketplace, as men in the church world. You can get more information about Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, and about the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series when you go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you\u2019ll get information about the great book Kent Evans has written as well. It\u2019s called <em>Wise Guys: Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You<\/em>. That\u2019s what we\u2019ve been saying here today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so important to have relationships with other guys who can point you in the right direction, because their experience and their understanding of God\u2019s Word come together to give you the help you are looking for. Again, Kent Evans book is called <em>Wise Guys<\/em>. You can order it from us at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order any of these resources at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think about the video resource we\u2019ve created \/ I think about the conversation we\u2019ve had here today\u2014everything we do at FamilyLife is made possible because we\u2019ve got folks, who listen to this program, who believe in this mission and who want to join with us to see what the Bible has to say about marriage and family. That message\u2014they want to see it expanded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe live in a culture where the message is actually being marginalized \/ it\u2019s being reduced. People are saying, \u201cStop saying things like that about marriage or about family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we appreciate those of you who believe, as we do, that this is not a time to be silent. This is a time to be speaking up; and we\u2019ve been doing that for 25 years, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. And we\u2019re grateful to those of you who have joined with us to make this possible through your financial support of the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you can help with a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d love to express our thanks by sending you a tool that\u2019s been used by millions of families around the world. It\u2019s the Resurrection Eggs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> that we\u2019ve created as a way for parents to tell children or grandchildren about the Easter story\u2014about Jesus\u2019 death, His burial, and His resurrection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tResurrection Eggs are our thank-you gift when you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and request the Resurrection Eggs. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; the zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Kent Evans about the need all of us have to have iron-sharpeners in our lives\u2014people who will help us acquire and cultivate wisdom. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.58M"],"filesize_raw":["26817955"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304432.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304432.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Evans discusses the impact his friend's father, John, had on him when he was young. Kent talks about the letter John wrote to\u00a0him that influenced\u00a0him to consider putting his faith in Christ.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s tough to go on a journey without a GPS \/ tough to navigate where you are trying to get to without a map. That\u2019s true in life as well as in travels. Here\u2019s Kent Evans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Ask yourself, \u201cWhat is the difference between being a boy and a man?\u201d\u00a0 If you can answer that question, you are way ahead; because, if you understand the difference between a boy and being a man, you at least have the target on the horizon\u2014you can at least see where you are going. But if I don\u2019t know where I am and I don\u2019t know where I\u2019m going, then, I\u2019m hopeless. I think that\u2019s where we find a lot of guys today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, March 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. As dads, we need to play a role in providing a map for our sons to know where they\u2019re headed on their journey to manhood; and we need to know where we are headed as well. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, I\u2019m going to try this out\u2014see if you can tell me what I\u2019m thinking of by this; okay?\u00a0 [Squeaky voice] \u201cAw, a wise guy?\u201d\u00a0 Does that make you think of anything?\u00a0 What does that bring to mind immediately?\u00a0 [Squeaky voice] \u201cAw, a wise guy; huh?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard it somewhere, but I\u2019m not calling it up right now. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s <em>The Three Stooges<\/em>. That\u2019s <em>The Three Stooges<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Curly\u2014that\u2019s Curly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He knows! [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Curly; huh?\u00a0 [Laughter] Well, we have a wise guy\u2014[<em>Knock, knock, knock<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There we go!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There we go!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 We have a wise guy with us. Kent Evans joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Kent, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>My pleasure, Dennis. Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kent is the cofounder of The Manhood Journey, a ministry that helps fathers and mentors build the next generation of godly men. He and his wife have been married for 20 years, and they have four sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got a natural opportunity to mentor young men built into your family; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Kent: <\/strong>You\u2019ve got it. I\u2019ve got to get it right at home; don\u2019t I?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You do. He\u2019s authored a book by the title of Bob\u2019s introduction here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we should just say, for our listeners\u2014because some of them are impressed that you didn\u2019t recognize <em>The Three Stooges<\/em> right away\u2014I think this shows you have more class than Kent or I have. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; it just shows\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Highbrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014I just wasn\u2019t calling it up. That would have been who I would have guessed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014but I thought, \u201cNo; that\u2019s not right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m not going to say <em>The Three Stooges<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cSomething doesn\u2019t sound right about that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kent\u2019s book is subtitled <em>Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You<\/em>. And Kent, you began your book by talking about how you believe this idea of mentoring is a lost art today. What do you think has happened here?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>I think part of it is the human condition; right?\u00a0 It\u2019s pride\u2014plain and simple. We don\u2019t want to ask for help, and I think that\u2019s pretty consistent across men. But I think the other piece of it is\u2014ours has become a culture of arguing and screaming at each other when we disagree. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that really puts a barrier in between us and those guys who could possibly help us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think there is also a generation of men who feel like they don\u2019t have anything to say to a younger generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>And probably a generation that feels like they have nothing to hear, who don\u2019t want to hear anything either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You came from an interesting background yourself. Early in your book, you mention your family broke up when you were a teenager. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That impacted you and your own teach-ability\u2014your own desire to be mentored \/ to be discipled by older men. Explain what happened to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; like a lot of guys, who go through those kinds of situations with their family, I was angry\u2014super angry \/ confused. I went to a counselor, who\u2014I was not a believer at the time\u2014turns out he was. I didn\u2019t know that. But I went to this counselor; and he said, \u201cHey, I understand that you are angry; but what you cannot do is\u2014 you cannot become the un-something.\u201d\u00a0 And I just remember that statement rattling in my head. I said, \u201cWhat do you mean, Weldon?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYour brain doesn\u2019t know what to do with: \u2018I will never be like my dad,\u201d or \u201c\u2026my mom,\u201d or \u201c\u2026my uncle.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s like: \u201cYour brain can\u2019t do that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s the un-something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>That\u2019s the un-something. And I said, \u201cSo, what\u2019s the antidote?\u201d\u00a0 He said: \u201cFind guys who have something you <em>want<\/em>\u2014better marriage, better finances, better golf game\u2014I don\u2019t care. Learn how to learn from other men.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what he told me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, was your dad absent from your life at that point?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>No; not absent. In fact, he was quite <em>engaged<\/em> on what I would call a mechanical level. In other words, he coached my baseball teams \/ he took me to soccer practice. In many respects, he provided for our family. In many respects, he was a good dad in terms of the mechanics. Spiritually\u2014nothing; right?\u00a0 And that was the challenge\u2014I had a void in my heart, spiritually, that I was looking to find the solution for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, what had made you angry?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>You know, I guess I had a paradigm of what a family was supposed to look like\u2014Mom and Dad are happy \/ they are together. Now, all of a sudden, I don\u2019t have that anymore. I was a good student, you know, in high school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014got good grades and all that\u2014and I went to college and almost flunked out. I just was angry. I\u2019m not entirely sure I know why, Dennis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, it\u2019s interesting that he didn\u2019t focus you inwardly on what the cause of your anger was. He focused you outwardly toward other men and other relationships that he knew would make you grow, as a young man. I think that\u2014speaking of a wise guy\u2014that\u2019s profound wisdom to give a teenager because a lot of teenage guys, I think, are angry. They\u2019re experiencing all kinds of emotions that they don\u2019t understand. It does them good to be focused outside their own lives and have other men rubbing off on them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Well, sometimes, you hear something and it resonates with you; right?\u00a0 You find out later why it resonated with you. In my case, the reason I think Weldon\u2019s advice resonated with me so much is because it\u2019s basically the gospel in one small statement. That is, as I\u2019ve walked through my walk with Christ, it\u2019s the process of becoming focused on other people. It\u2019s the process of becoming less selfish \/ less about me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven marriage; right?\u2014I\u2019ve got to die to myself and learn how to serve my wife as Jesus served the church. So, I think his advice resonated with me so much because, deep down, I was missing something spiritually; and he had put his finger on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re really talking about what Paul exhorted Timothy to do in his second epistle called 2 Timothy. He said, \u201cAnd what you have heard from me,\u201d\u2014Timothy\u2014\u201cin the presence of many witnesses, entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.\u201d\u00a0 So, what he was saying to Timothy is: \u201cRemember what I taught you?\u00a0 I taught you things that you need to be passing on to others. You need to be a mentor. You need to be discipling other men in your life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes, I think in 1 Peter 4, when it says, \u201cWhatever gift you\u2019ve been given, use that gift\u201d\u2014basically\u2014\u201cto bless other people.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s part of what Paul is saying to Timothy: \u201cPart of this stuff\u2014this stuff I\u2019ve taught you is not really yours. You are a steward of this for a season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGive it to other men. Find other men to entrust it to.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, apart from a counselor who helped you with anger issues, who was another person that started pointing you in a direction where your life has ended up today?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; I remember growing up with a good friend named Dave. Dave\u2019s dad, John, was the first guy\u2014in college, Dave\u2019s dad sent me a note\/ a letter, handwritten, back in the old days, when you needed a sheet of paper, and a stamp, and an envelope to get something to somebody. I opened this letter in college\u2014I was not a believer\u2014and this letter was about finding God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was John thanking me for being Dave\u2019s friend and, then, using that <em>entre<\/em> to tell me that I need to continue to grow. It was <em>awesome<\/em>. I remember going back and thinking, \u201cI didn\u2019t even ask for this guy; but he stepped into my life, sent me a letter \/ thanked me for being his son\u2019s best friend.\u201d\u00a0 That was probably the first push toward this mentoring relationship that I can remember. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It was not off-putting to you that he was trying to talk to you about God?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>No; I mean, I grew up in a context where I knew there was a God\u2014I knew there was right and wrong\u2014I just didn\u2019t have a personal relationship with Him. I wasn\u2019t anti-God\u2014I just didn\u2019t really know who He was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, what would you say\u2014you know, Bob was talking about guys who don\u2019t know what they\u2019re aiming for in life\u2014where they are headed \/ what their purpose is\u2014what would you say to a young man who is at that place right now?\u00a0 Maybe, he is listening to this broadcast. Maybe, we\u2019re talking to his mother, or his father, or his grandfather\u2014and you\u2019ve got those in his life\u2014or maybe, it\u2019s him, listening, who needs the help and needs your counsel and your advice. What would you say to him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>The first thing I would say is: \u201cAsk yourself:\u201d\u2014and this is a question I ask myself over and over again\u2014\u201c\u2019What is the difference between being a boy and a man?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 And if you can answer that question, you are way ahead; because, if you understand the difference between being a boy and being a man, you at least have the target on the horizon\u2014you can at least see where you are going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I\u2019m in Little Rock. If I wanted to get home, I know I\u2019ve got to go east. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>That\u2019s because I kind of know where Louisville is from here. But if I don\u2019t know where I am and I don\u2019t know where I\u2019m going, then, I\u2019m hopeless. I think that\u2019s where we find a lot of guys today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, a young man, who says: \u201cOkay; the difference between a boy and a man\u2014well, society kind of defines that for you. You can vote when you\u2019re a man. You can go to war. You can drink. We\u2019ve got these markers\u2014you can drive a car. So, somewhere between 16 and 21, it just happens.\u201d\u00a0 If somebody offered that as a definition, what would you say to him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Well, I would say, like any other definition that we let culture give us, it\u2019s not going to probably be a biblical definition. There are some mechanical things about being a man\u2014you go through puberty \/ you can start a family\u2014there are things you can do; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the difference is\u2014God is the first Father, and God gave us a picture of what fatherhood is to look like. Whether you are a dad or not isn\u2019t the point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is\u2014that is the picture of manhood\u2014it\u2019s sacrificial; it is service to others; it\u2019s love\u2014it\u2019s those things. That\u2019s what being a man is all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If our listeners are interested, they can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve got a video clip up there where we went on the street and asked people the question that you raise: \u201cWhen does a boy become a man?\u201d\u00a0 It was <em>very<\/em> interesting\u2014we asked men and women, all ages, all backgrounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, every kind of background. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; some of the answers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>People ought to really go online and watch this, because it\u2019s <em>fascinating<\/em>. And listen to what they say and what they don\u2019t say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; the clip is up at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019re talking to Kent Evans who has written a book called <em>Wise Guys: Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kent, you actually developed a little exercise for men to do, who were thinking about what we are talking about here\u2014about finding their purpose \/ finding out who they want to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou use a sheet of paper, and you ask them to do one thing on one side of the paper and something else on the other. Explain what you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; a lot of times, we talk\u2014even as young men or boys, we talked about: \u201cWhat do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d\u00a0 I was at dinner with some friends last night in Little Rock. I was asking their son, a young boy, \u201cWhat do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d\u00a0 But that\u2019s really, probably, the wrong question. The question is, \u201c<em>Who<\/em> do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for me, the left side of the paper is for you to figure out: \u201cWhat are the things you want to exemplify as a person?\u00a0 Well, how would you want people to describe you?\u00a0 What kind of character traits would you want them to have?\u201d\u00a0 And you take that left side of that paper and write those down: \u201cDo you want to be honest, and forthright, and disciplined?\u201d\u2014or exercise: \u201cDo you want to be physically fit?\u201d\u2014whatever those things are. Then, on the right side of the paper: \u201cCan you show me what you are doing today to get any closer to those things?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd for me, when I was in my early 20s, the whole sheet was blank. I had nothing on the left side \/ nothing on the right side; right?\u00a0 I had no clue of who I wanted to be when I grew up, and I was doing <em>nothing<\/em> to get anywhere close to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what I would say to a mom and dad, who are raising a son \/ a teenage son: \u201cYou need to realize a lot of teenage young men don\u2019t know who they are. They don\u2019t know what they want to become. That\u2019s why they\u2019ve got you as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cThat\u2019s why the assignment has been given to you to shape the soul, and the life, and the character of the young man that\u2019s been given to you.\u201d\u00a0 By the way, the same thing applies to young ladies as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Yes; and I would say: \u201cOftentimes, we get into our 30s or 40s\u2014we start having kids\u2014and we think: \u2018Man, I can\u2019t teach these kids how to go through the teen years. I did such a lousy job of it.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s pride \/ that\u2019s ego. Man, if you\u2019re a mom or a dad, and you are in your 30s or 40s or 50s, and you feel like you can\u2019t raise your kids because you did it wrong, you\u2019ve left out room for the gospel. You\u2019ve left the gospel completely out of the story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. Yes; and I would say to you: \u201cYou\u2019re believing a lie.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I would say to guys, especially, who don\u2019t feel like they can speak into the lives of their sons because of their own failures: \u201cYour failures may be the greatest lessons you\u2019ve learned to be able to pass onto your sons.\u201d\u00a0 And it\u2019s not like you\u2019re going to pollute the stream with your failures, especially if you talk about the redemption of how God used it and use it as a warning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis morning, I read pieces of Proverbs 5-7. It\u2019s a passage of Scripture where it is a father saying, \u201cListen, my son, for I give you sound advice.\u201d He\u2019s warning a young man about the woman of the street \/ about the next door neighbor who is seductive. He\u2019s warning him about the consequences of what will happen there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is not optional stuff we\u2019re talking about here. You may not feel equipped, as a father, to do this\u2014or as a grandfather\u2014to speak into your grandkids\u2019 lives. It doesn\u2019t matter if you feel equipped. You\u2019ve got to press in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, you\u2019ll find that God will give you the words even before your mouth opens. You take a breath, and you go, \u201cHelp me, God.\u201d I told a parent the other day\u2014I said, \u201cGod loves the prayer of a helpless parent.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Oh man!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>When you\u2019re helpless, He shows up. And that\u2019s what families need today. They need people dependent upon Him, who are attempting to do their assignment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>And I\u2019ve got to resist the urge\u2014I don\u2019t know if you did this, Dennis, when your kids were younger\u2014but I have to resist the urge to parent from, basically, from myself: \u201cHey, boys, this is how you do it. Let me tell you how to do it. This is Dad telling you how to do it.\u201d\u00a0 Even if you are an engaged father \/ even if you want to be an engaged father, I can\u2019t parent from myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll I can do, as a parent, is connect them to God. I can say, \u201cLook, Dad\u2019s going to blow it.\u201d\u00a0 Just a couple of weeks ago, I was so angry with one of my kids\u2014I yelled at him, and I got in his face. It was wrong \/ it was sinful. I went to him after; and I said: \u201cJonathan, Dad was wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI should not have yelled at you like that. I should not have gotten in your face. It was inappropriate. Will you forgive me?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cSure.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I said: \u201cGod\u2019s never going to treat you like that. That\u2019s not how God operates. I\u2019m not a perfect example of God the Father. Don\u2019t let my failings cloud your judgment of <em>Him<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 And for me, that\u2019s the beauty of\u2014it takes all the pressure out of parenting when you have that\u2014where you can turn your failures into a discussion about the gospel!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We get many letters\u2014Bob, you know\u2014here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I read one the other day that was just complaining that all we did was talk about our perfect families. And I kind of wonder which broadcast they\u2019re listening to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Is that why you guys had me in?\u2014to fix that problem?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; you\u2019re just a continuation of the story because\u2014as you talk about yelling at your kids, and getting angry, and pitching a fit, and having to apologize\u2014I thought, \u201cHow many times did I do that?\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that I could count all the times. I remember a few that are really etched in my memory that I\u2019m really sad about\u2014really sorry about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but I attempted to use them to show my son what it looks like for a man to admit he\u2019s blown it and ask for forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s so important because I think, in our day, we have a tendency to see the normal Christian life as a perpetual mess. [Laughter] There are some who would say, \u201cLook, you know, being a Christian\u2014it\u2019s messy.\u201d\u00a0 I think we have to recognize that if you are walking with Christ, it\u2019s not that there is never a mess. There are messes all the time, but those messes get better over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There is hope!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is hope. There\u2019s victory over stuff. I would say to a person: \u201cIf it\u2019s just one perpetual mess after another, then, maybe, you need to go back and reexamine the foundation of the walk you have; because Jesus didn\u2019t come so that He\u2019d just be your friend in the mess. He came to lead you out of the mess.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>We did a game, for our family, over a couple of years. It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I was trying to get a word out of my vocabulary that was not a God-honoring\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Not an edifying word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>\u2014not an edifying word. So, what I did is\u2014with my boys, we made a deal\u2014every time Dad said the word, whoever said it first \/ told me first, got a dollar. Now, I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014that hurt the family budget for a season; but\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Boys got wealthy in the process?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>\u2014my kid has a car. [Laughter] I don\u2019t know what happened there\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but what did happen over time, to your point, Bob, is that the dollars got less frequent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>Right?\u2014because I had invited my kids into the circle of accountability and said: \u201cLook, guys, this is not okay for Dad to do. So, help me hear it when I say it,\u201d because I said it so often that I forgot I was saying it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>And they helped me and got rich in the process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. And you\u2019re just reminding me, Kent, of something I\u2019ve said, who knows how many times, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014but you\u2019ve just got to underscore it here: \u201cGod didn\u2019t give me and Barbara six kids so that we could just help them grow up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe gave us six kids to finish the process of helping <em>us<\/em> to grow up.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what you\u2019re talking about\u2014your accountability\u2014and you joked about your kid being able to purchase a car because of how many dollar bills you had to toss in the kitty\u2014that kind of accountability\u2014that\u2019s healthy!\u00a0 That gets a man out of his habits, and out of his laziness, and just being able to say whatever he thinks and feels at the moment, and realizes he\u2019s a model. He has been given, by God, to be a model to his sons and daughters to love his wife as Christ loved the church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014if you\u2019re going to do that right \/ if you\u2019re going to be the kind of parent and dad that\u2019s needed today in this culture, it is going to cost you something. It\u2019s going to cost you a whole lot more than a buck. It\u2019s going to cost you denial of self. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kent: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; and I think we\u2019ve lost that a bit in the church\u2014especially, is the ability to lovingly and in a caring manner rebuke our brothers when they are out of line. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can think of a story when a guy pulled me aside and just said: \u201cKent, you\u2019ve been avoiding me. You\u2019ve been avoiding me because you owe me something, and you haven\u2019t gotten it to me. And you know what?\u00a0 As a business guy, I\u2019m disappointed because you\u2019re not delivering; but as a brother, I\u2019m especially disappointed. I expected better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember just thinking: \u201cOh! That hurts. That hurts.\u201d\u00a0 But that kind of accountability\u2014he did that out of love. He didn\u2019t scream at me, or cuss at me, or raise his voice. He just said, \u201cKent, you need to do this better.\u201d\u00a0 And that kind of accountability has helped me become a more responsible and more accountable adult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what\u2019s at the heart of your book, which is men in the lives of other men, being honest, being transparent, and being appropriately intrusive into one another\u2019s lives. The only way we\u2019re going to get where we want to go, spiritually, is if we\u2019re doing that with one another. If we are trying to say: \u201cI\u2019m just going to handle this myself and take care of this. I\u2019ll do my best,\u201d we\u2019re just going to wind up <em>stuck<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need other guys to help us get <em>unstuck<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We do. That\u2019s really the strength, I think, of relationships among men, where they challenge each other to step up. Pardon me for using that phrase, but that\u2019s why I wrote the book\u2014to get men relating with other men about stepping up and calling them up around the steps that it takes to move through life. You move from boyhood to adolescence, adolescence to manhood, manhood to mentor\u2014what we\u2019re talking about here. Then, if you really live out the mentor step, over time, you will become a sage or a patriarch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnfortunately, that word, patriarch, has all kinds of excess baggage attached to it. It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s not a good word. It is a good word when lived out by a man who is following Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s hard for me to imagine there are guys listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> who don\u2019t have a copy of your book and haven\u2019t read it already or haven\u2019t gone through the video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I meet guys all the time and I\u2019ll say: \u201cHave you heard about Dennis\u2019s book?\u00a0 Have you gone through our <em>Stepping Up<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video series?\u201d\u00a0 And it\u2019s like they are hearing about it for the first time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, let me just say\u2014the ten-session video series that we\u2019ve put together\u2014based on the book that Dennis wrote called <em>Stepping Up<\/em>\u2014these are great resources to help provide coaching and wisdom for younger men \/ for older men\u2014for all of us on our journey to be the kind of men God has called us to be as husbands, as dads, and as men in the marketplace, as men in the church world. You can get more information about Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, and about the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series when you go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you\u2019ll get information about the great book Kent Evans has written as well. It\u2019s called <em>Wise Guys: Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You<\/em>. That\u2019s what we\u2019ve been saying here today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so important to have relationships with other guys who can point you in the right direction, because their experience and their understanding of God\u2019s Word come together to give you the help you are looking for. Again, Kent Evans book is called <em>Wise Guys<\/em>. You can order it from us at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order any of these resources at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think about the video resource we\u2019ve created \/ I think about the conversation we\u2019ve had here today\u2014everything we do at FamilyLife is made possible because we\u2019ve got folks, who listen to this program, who believe in this mission and who want to join with us to see what the Bible has to say about marriage and family. That message\u2014they want to see it expanded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe live in a culture where the message is actually being marginalized \/ it\u2019s being reduced. People are saying, \u201cStop saying things like that about marriage or about family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we appreciate those of you who believe, as we do, that this is not a time to be silent. This is a time to be speaking up; and we\u2019ve been doing that for 25 years, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. And we\u2019re grateful to those of you who have joined with us to make this possible through your financial support of the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you can help with a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d love to express our thanks by sending you a tool that\u2019s been used by millions of families around the world. It\u2019s the Resurrection Eggs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> that we\u2019ve created as a way for parents to tell children or grandchildren about the Easter story\u2014about Jesus\u2019 death, His burial, and His resurrection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tResurrection Eggs are our thank-you gift when you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and request the Resurrection Eggs. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; the zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Kent Evans about the need all of us have to have iron-sharpeners in our lives\u2014people who will help us acquire and cultivate wisdom. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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