{"id":304428,"date":"2017-03-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-03-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/to-love-and-to-cherish\/"},"modified":"2017-03-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-03-21T15:00:00","slug":"to-love-and-to-cherish","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/to-love-and-to-cherish\/","title":{"rendered":"To Love and to Cherish"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gary Thomas encourages husbands and wives to cherish their spouses by celebrating who they uniquely are. A person needs to see their spouse as their one and only, and must be careful not to compare.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.01M","filesize_raw":"29375043","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2082],"tags":[4658,4580,4657,2877],"podcast_series":[7273],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304428","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-communication","tag-affirming-each-other","tag-encouragement","tag-how-to-cherish-your-spouse","tag-marriage","podcast_series-cherish","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304428\/to-love-and-to-cherish","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304428\/to-love-and-to-cherish","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gGMhElh70r\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/to-love-and-to-cherish\/\">To Love and to Cherish<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/to-love-and-to-cherish\/embed\/#?secret=gGMhElh70r\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;To Love and to Cherish&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"gGMhElh70r\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Gary Thomas encourages husbands and wives to cherish their spouses by celebrating who they uniquely are. A person needs to see their spouse as their one and only, and must be careful not to compare.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s one thing for a husband or a wife to be encouraged. Author and speaker, Gary Thomas, says it\u2019s very important that the encouragement is coming from your marriage partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I\u2019m to be my wife\u2019s chief encourager. If she has to get that from her best friend, something\u2019s wrong. If she has to get that from her parents, somethings really wrong. If she has to get that from her kids, something is wrong. God created me, as her husband, to be the chief encourager \/ the supporter\u2014the one to lift her up \/ to appreciate her\u2014and then, like that engaged woman, showing off her diamond ring, getting others to appreciate her: \u201cSee how it sparkles! See how wonderful and excellent it is.\u201d I want husbands to do it for wives, and I want wives to do it for husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, March 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Is there someone offering your spouse more encouragement \/ more affirmation -than you\u2019re providing? That can be pretty dangerous. We\u2019ll talk more about that with Gary Thomas today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking this week about what it means to cherish one another in marriage. I was just thinking, \u201cI wonder if Adam cherished Eve in the garden. You know?\u2014if Eve cherished Adam?\u201d I thought: \u201cWell, of course, they did; because nobody else around to cherish. You only have one option,\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, he had a bunch of animals he could have cherished.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; you look at the animals \/ you look at Eve. You know, which one you\u2019re going to cherish?\u2014right? [Laughter] I mean, let\u2019s just be honest about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve got a guest back with us again. In fact, Gary, do you have any idea how many times you\u2019ve been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>? Actually, I was thinking of just moving over and letting you just take over\u2014you\u2019ve been on so many times; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think half a dozen; but then sometimes you play talks, as well, when I wasn\u2019t here that you put on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; no doubt about it. The talks that Gary Thomas is speaking of are messages he\u2019s given at Second Baptist Church in Houston, where he is a teaching pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has written almost a dozen-and-a-half books. He and his wife Lisa have been married for 30 years\u2014got a number of adult children\u2014and making a great impact for Jesus Christ. He has written a book called <em>Cherish: The One Word That Changes Everything for Your Marriage<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to go back to Bob\u2019s observation about Adam and Eve. What can we learn about cherishing from Adam and Eve, even if Adam only had one woman to cherish? There was none other he could care for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think that was partly behind their satisfaction with each other. Think about it\u2014for one point in history, there was literally no other woman in the world that Adam could compare Eve to. He couldn\u2019t say it would be nice if she was kinder \/ if she had a better sense of humor\u2014or if she was curvier, or thinner, or darker, or lighter, or taller. She just was\u2014she defined woman for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you want to build a cherishing marriage, that\u2019s the point you want to get to\u2014where this woman defines for you what beauty is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t compare her to anyone else\u2014you receive her as she is and you celebrate who she is. You want to look at her as the only woman in the world. Often, that is a one-day reality for too many grooms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a pastor, I\u2019ve stood next to a number of men, who are getting married. It used to be, when the doors would swing open and the bride would come in, every head would turn and look at the bride coming up the aisle. But because of some internet means that focus on the groom\u2019s response, I see more and more heads turn: \u201cIs the groom crying? Is he happy? What\u2019s the expression on his face?\u201d But I tell you\u2014I\u2019ve seen these guys\u2014some of them successful businessmen, in spite of themselves, breaking down, weeping. At that moment, their bride <em>is<\/em> the only woman in the world \/ everybody else is background furniture. Their eyes are fixed on who she is as she is coming up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCherishing is about choosing to make that your daily reality\u2014to be so satisfied in your spouse\u2014that they are the only one in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to the guys listening, in particular: \u201cThat\u2019s what our wives desire.\u201d There\u2019s a <em>powerful<\/em> verse in The Song of Songs, Chapter 6, verse 9\u2014it says this: \u201cMy dove, my perfect one, is the only one.\u201d [Laughter] It\u2019s not enough that you find me beautiful\u2014in my eyes, when you walked into the room, everybody else is black and white\u2014you\u2019re in color: \u201cMy dove, my perfect one, is the only one,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s where cherish aims to get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, it all sounds so good, here in the studio; but then there\u2019s just the harsh reality of who we are, as men. I\u2019ve got a real tough question for you, Gary: \u201cAre you a perfectionist?\u201d You strike me\u2014because of how well you can wordsmith your books and how well you can craft the sentences\u2014you have to be a perfectionist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m guilty as charged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: How does that show up in a marriage? And how does that mitigate against cherishing Lisa?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> One of the ways I think it helps\u2014I don\u2019t always look at a perfectionist as a negative\u2014I know you are supposed to; alright? But I think, when you strive often, you hit a little higher than you would have if you were just complacent. Being a perfectionist, actually makes me rely on grace, I believe, more than others; because I see how far I fall short. When I say, \u201cThis is how I should be,\u201d and I realize, <em>every day<\/em>, I need God\u2019s grace, I receive God\u2019s patience \/ I receive God\u2019s kindness. I can so blow it. When you write and speak for a living, it\u2019s so humiliating. [Laughter] You\u2019re going to the Lord and repenting\u2014He drops this chorus into my head: \u201cGrace, grace, God\u2019s grace, grace that is greater than all my sin.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cAhh! That\u2019s who You are.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was talking, Bob, with you before about the Christian classics that really shaped my thinking. When you read the Christian classics, they\u2019re very clear\u2014that a biblical high standard means you\u2019re difficult on yourself and you show great grace to others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are four or five classics that talk about that\u2014that a biblical sense of the call to grow is that you are\u2014and the more mature you become \/ the ideal\u2014I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m there\u2014but the ideal is that you are hard on yourself but grace-filled toward others. I just think, by God\u2019s grace, it has become true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s an exercise I\u2019ve done that has really helped. I mention it here\u2014I stole this from another woman \/ she did it for her husband. I have a daily journal that has every day delineated. Every day, for a year, I write down something that Lisa did that day or something that I appreciated about Lisa that day. I\u2019m near the end of the year, doing that. Sometimes, I have to sit before the Lord; because I can\u2019t write the same thing. I have to come up with 365 things to thank God for. What\u2019s been so wonderful about that is\u2014I literally begin my day, opening up that journal, before I have my quiet time: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAlright, Lord, what am I going to write down to affirm Lisa today?\u201d Look\u2014she\u2019s an excellent wife \/ she\u2019s a wonderful wife, but sometimes I\u2019m just forgetful. And so, I have to sit before God sometimes and say, \u201cTell me what my wife did.\u201d He never fails to answer that prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSince I\u2019ve been keeping that journal, I haven\u2019t asked God to change Lisa <em>once<\/em>; because when you\u2019ve got hundreds of occurrences \/ hundreds of things that you\u2019re thanking your wife for\u2014to ask God to change one little thing just feels a little bit greedy. [Laughter] Lisa doesn\u2019t know about this yet\u2014this will air after she gets it. It really has been one of the most helpful things I\u2019ve done in my marriage\u2014because it\u2019s kept me thankful for her \/ it\u2019s kept me cherishing her\u2014because that\u2019s the way I start out every day. Here\u2019s the thing\u2014I was afraid sometimes to take it with me, traveling; because I thought, \u201cIf I lost this, it\u2019s irreplaceable,\u201d because it\u2019s all written in hand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut even\u2014if I would have lost it\u2014nine months in, it so blessed our marriage; because it changed me, as a husband. Lisa doesn\u2019t know I\u2019m writing it \/ I\u2019ve kept it a secret. But I bet you\u2014when she reads the book and gets it, she\u2019s going to say, \u201cOh!\u201d because I know she\u2019s noticed a difference. My attitude really has changed. That\u2019s the thing I really want to stress\u2014you can choose to cherish her. There are things you can do that really starts to build the cherishing mindset.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you said that; because there are some, who are listening, say: \u201cI\u2019m just not good at this. Gary, you just put me under a guilt pile; because I could never do that. I\u2019m not creative. I\u2019m not a romanticist. I\u2019m not a great author\/writer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd yet, I was thinking about this in preparing to interview you: \u201cThe Holy Spirit can show up in your life and can guide you in how to cherish your spouse.\u201d You say: \u201cThe Holy Spirit? What does He have to do with cherishing?\u201d\u00a0 He is the One who guides you into all truth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it can be the truth about your spouse \/ the good things about your spouse\u2014why you married him or her in the first place. And so, to just say to the Holy Spirit: \u201cHoly Spirit, You\u2019re the Creator. You\u2019re the One who guides us, teaches us, and instructs us. Would You get me some creativity here so I can cherish my bride?\u201d or \u201c\u2026my husband?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Lisa and I have some friends, Jaclyn and Donnie. Their story appears often in this book, because they have a very cherishing marriage. Early on in their relationship, they were going through the five love languages. Donnie made it very clear that his primary love language was affirming words. Jaclyn thought: \u201cOh no! I\u2019m a Yankee through and through. We don\u2019t talk about our husbands like that.\u201d She says: \u201cI\u2019m just not very good at it. You\u2019re never going to feel very loved by me.\u201d But she did what you just said: \u201cGod, I know You want Your son to be affirmed. I want to be an agent of that affirmation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> \u201cHelp me do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe had to first, literally, write down a bunch of things\u2014she found that it fed itself. Then she discovered that he really liked it when she said those things, not just to him, but to his grandmother or others and she was affirming him in front of others. She realized: \u201cIf you want to cherish your spouse, sometimes, you have to say: \u2018Lord, help me improve in an area that I\u2019m not naturally good at; but I want to affirm Your son,\u201d \/ \u201c\u2026I want to affirm Your daughter.\u201d God will answer that prayer, because He wants our spouse to feel loved and cherished.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to go back to what you talked about earlier\u2014and you talked about in the book\u2014the seven guys, who are asked the question: \u201cDo you believe that your wife loves you?\u201d and then \u201cDo you believe that she likes you or that she cherishes you?\u201d And they all said, \u201cYes; she loves me.\u201d And they all said, \u201cNo; she doesn\u2019t cherish me.\u201d There\u2019s some folks who hear that and go: \u201cOkay; here we go. This is the male\u2014the fragile male ego. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cMen need women to come along and just fawn over them and say: \u2018Oh, you\u2019re so strong!\u2019 and \u2018You\u2019re so handsome!\u2019 and \u2018You\u2019re so smart!\u2019 This is just playing to a weakness in men to do this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m actually sitting here, Gary, thinking about a guest we had on FamilyLife Today\u2014a husband and a wife. I remember, in the interview, when the wife was describing the husband\u2014in glowing\/radiant terms\u2014just talking about what an exceptional person he was and how much she respects him and admires him. I remember thinking: \u201cThat\u2019s nice. I wouldn\u2019t mind hearing that a little more than I hear that.\u201d Is this just our ego demanding to be fed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s not our ego, and it\u2019s not just men. I\u2019m really stressing that this is what a Christian wife deserves as well. Again, I go back\u2014most of us pledge to do that. We can\u2019t say, \u201cThat\u2019s just what the pastor told me to say.\u201d We said a promise, before God; and why wouldn\u2019t we want to cherish our spouse? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn a blog post, I wrote\u2014I talked about how the church needs to do a better job of addressing domestic violence. Some women are living in situations that are just untenable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> What I\u2019m trying to say is: \u201cLet\u2019s not just avoid abuse. A wife should be cherished. We need to raise the bar\u2014the way we talk about our spouse, the way we serve our spouse, the way we make a spouse feel.\u201d Here\u2019s the thing\u2014when you do that for your spouse\u2014not always but most of the time\u2014and not immediately but, often, eventually\u2014that comes back. And I tell you\u2014when you\u2019re in a marriage, where you cherish each other\u2014and I think my wife and I are getting there\u2014it\u2019s a much more satisfying marriage. We\u2019re building each other up. It\u2019s been one of the best seasons of our marriage, by far, because of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou could look at it as meeting an ego need, but I look at this way: \u201cI\u2019m to be my wife\u2019s chief encourager. If she has to get that from her best friend, somethings wrong. If she has to get that from her parents, something really is wrong. If she has to get that from her kids, something\u2019s wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGod created me, as her husband, to be the chief encourager \/ the supporter\u2014the one to lift her up\u2014to see her \/ to get her\u2014to appreciate her. And then, like that engaged woman, showing off her diamond ring\u2014getting others to appreciate her: \u2018See how it sparkles! See how wonderful and excellent it is.\u2019\u201d I want husbands to do it for wives, and I want wives to do it for husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In our video series, <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we have a vignette where a wife talks about the fact that, when she was in high school, she was a cheerleader. She said \u201cOur football team was terrible.\u201d She said: \u201cWe often found ourselves in the fourth quarter of the game, urging fans to cheer for a losing cause. We were down by four touchdowns. We weren\u2019t going to win anything, and we\u2019re begging the crowd to cheer our guys on.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe goes on to say, \u201cWhen I got married, I took off my wedding gown and put on a new cheerleader outfit.\u201d She said: \u201cI am my husband\u2019s cheerleader. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m the one, now, who God has called to get the kids and go: \u2018Come on! Let\u2019s cheer for dad!\u2019 and to get the people around us to go, \u2018We need to be cheering for him, even if he\u2019s two touchdowns down,\u2019\u2014even if we\u2019re looking and going, \u2018How come you\u2019re letting them score on you, right and left?\u2019 It\u2019s not our job to point out what the team did wrong. It\u2019s our job to cheer on the team and say: \u2018You can do it! I believe in you.\u2019\u201d There\u2019s great power in that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of people in marriages today who think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. They compare their spouse with another, and so they\u2019re discontent. Speak to the issue of discontentment and how you deal with that as you seek to truly cherish your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> When you get married, I believe you have to accept the commitment to contentment. You married a person with certain flaws, and weaknesses, and certain strengths. The whole concept behind viewing your wife as Eve \/ the only woman in the world and viewing your husband as Adam \/ the only man in the world\u2014is you saying: \u201cI chose this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m going to focus on this. I\u2019m going to appreciate this.\u201d \u201cIf I didn\u2019t marry a handyman, I\u2019m not going to fault my husband for not being a handyman,\u201d \/ \u201cIf I didn\u2019t marry an extrovert woman, I\u2019m not going to fault her for being the wallflower that wants to hang by me at the parties.\u201d \u201cI chose this person\u2014I want to affirm them \/ I want to help them become who God created them to be, and to accept it, and thank God for that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe challenge is \/ it\u2019s just the way our brain operates\u2014we tend to <em>tolerate<\/em> what we accept, and that becomes the bar\u2014rather than appreciate who they are. What really opened my eyes was talking to the woman who was married to the guy I mentioned earlier\u2014NFL quarterback \/ pastor in a church\u2014but a really solid spiritual leader kind of guy, in the best sense of the term, and succeeded his entire life. He said to her one time: \u201cYou know, the challenge is\u2014I\u2019ve been cheered my whole life\u2014by my mom, by the cheerleaders, by the coaches. Sometimes, I come home and I feel like it is: \u2018Boooo! Booooo!\u2019\u00a0 [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI don\u2019t get it how I can please everybody else but you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said to me: \u201cGary, what I realized I was doing is that I took it for granted that a guy provides really well for his wife\u2014because he always has for me. Then I saw not every man works that hard. I took it for granted that a man prays for his wife and prays for his kids. He\u2019s the spirit\u2014a lot of guys don\u2019t do that. I take it for granted that a husband is courteous toward...\u201d She goes: \u201cI realize all of these excellent things he was for me\u2014that\u2019s just normal \/ that\u2019s what\u2019s supposed to happen. So, he had to be this \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\textraordinary super guy to ever get a \u2018Thanks!\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer husband said, after that moment, everything in their marriage changed; because she began thanking him for all the things she used to take for granted. It changed the climate of their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what it does when we affirm our spouse this way\u2014I mentioned a woman before who wrote a journal, writing down everything that she appreciated about her husband\u2014one thing every day. When she gave him that journal, he read it in one sitting. He told his best friend, \u201cThis makes me aspire to be the man she thinks I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy affirmation, he said, \u201cIf she appreciates this, she\u2019s going to get more of that next year.\u201d Affirmation makes a beautiful yet more beautiful. Contempt increases the hurt, and reinforces the weakness and the character traits that we actually want to see die. You grow contempt or you grow cherish. Why wouldn\u2019t we want to grow cherish? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think to cherish means more than appreciation\u2014it means understanding for weaknesses. James 3:2\u2014I really can\u2019t do a seminar or talk without \u201cWe all stumble in many ways.\u201d We\u2019re marrying a spouse with weaknesses. The spouse that wants to cherish their spouse understands that there\u2019s no perfect being there, and they don\u2019t expect perfection. You look for the presence behind the problem. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have two podcasts I like to listen to a lot of times. One is on sports. I know Lisa, particularly, doesn\u2019t like the sports one. I didn\u2019t want to keep irritating her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said to her one time, \u201cIs this okay, because I know\u2026\u201d She goes: \u201cOf course, it is; because hearing those podcasts reminds me you are home. I\u2019ll take your presence with this liability.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way I\u2019ve applied it\u2014we used to live out in the suburbs of Houston, Texas. They kept building, and building, and building. I had to keep getting up earlier, and earlier, and earlier to make it to work to beat the traffic. Within a year, I had to leave by 5:30; and then it was 5:15. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whoa.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> One morning, I slept in until 5. I thought: \u201cAhh! Now, I\u2019m going to have a long commute.\u201d I rushed through a shower \/ get dressed. I couldn\u2019t find my car keys. I\u2019ve got my phone flashlight around and kind of stirred Lisa. She goes, \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d I said, \u201cI can\u2019t find my keys.\u201d She goes: \u201cOhh! I couldn\u2019t find my keys last night. So I had to take your car.\u201d \u201cOh; where did you put them?\u201d She said, \u201cAhh\u2026\u201d So we both got up and were looking around, and she finally found it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarlier on, in my marriage\u2014when I cherished myself\u2014I would have let her have it. But now, I realize she didn\u2019t do it on purpose. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe already knew the consequences. There was no purpose in holding her account\u2014she already felt terrible. She called me later that morning and said \u201cI\u2019m so so sorry.\u201d I said: \u201cHoney, I know you didn\u2019t mean it.\u201d And you know what? My morning was better, because of that. \u2014because, if I would have let her have it, I would have been \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tmiserable \/ she would\u2019ve felt miserable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just recognizing you can\u2019t be married to a real person without them, occasionally, stumbling. Some spouses are late \/ some spouses are obsessively early and make it difficult that way. Some forget keys \/ some forget to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home. Some really don\u2019t see the mess\u2014they think the kitchen is clean. The key to cherish your spouse is to realize every good presence comes with a problem and to appreciate the presence and not focus on the problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What I want to encourage our listeners to realize\u2014you\u2019ve just been listening to Gary Thomas, who has a PhD in cherishing his wife; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s been doing it for over three decades. If that\u2019s not worthy of a PhD, I\u2019m not sure what is. He\u2019s just given you a great idea\u2014a journal filled with 365 ways to cherish his wife and give it to her as a Christmas present. If you\u2019re in need of enrolling in the first grade of cherishing, and you want to get your undergraduate degree all the way through college, this book, <em>Cherish<\/em>, will help you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary, there\u2019s one other thing I want to ask you to give us before you leave here today. I want those five classics \/ those Christian literature classics that help us better understand who we are and how we\u2019re to think about ourselves. I want to list that, online, Bob, and give that and make that available to our listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking about that Christmas present. You think it would be okay if it was like one a week instead of one a day? [Laughter] I just find something that\u2019s achievable; okay? I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d get\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Don\u2019t you love somebody, who\u2019s so disciplined they could do 365?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not that Mary Ann doesn\u2019t have 365 things I cherish about her. It\u2019s that I don\u2019t know that I can do that every morning, before everything else gets going; but it is a great idea, and I did think about it. I just thought maybe one a week, maybe. I wouldn\u2019t get as many points as you get for 365, but I\u2019m bound to get some points for the deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do have copies of your book, <em>Cherish<\/em>, available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Probably, reading the book will help me put my list together. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order <em>Cherish<\/em> by Gary Thomas. You will also find the five books that Gary mentioned earlier listed, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you\u2019d like a copy of the book, <em>Cherish<\/em>. We can mail it to you. Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, ask about the book, <em>Cherish<\/em>, by Gary Thomas. We\u2019re happy to send it out to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf our listeners ever had a chance to stop by our headquarters, here in FamilyLife, and they went up to the second floor in the foyer \/ the rotunda area, there are four banners that hang on that second floor that really define what this ministry is all about. The first banner relates to our walk with God\u2014the fact that, for all human relationships to be what God intended them to be, we have to be rightly-related to Him. The second banner is all about our marriage covenant, where we promise to love, honor, cherish, obey\u2014those kinds of things. The third banner has to do with the biblically-ordered responsibilities for men and women in a marriage relationship. The fourth banner is about the responsibility we each have to pass on a legacy of spiritual vitality to the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is all about\u2014that\u2019s what we talk about on this program, that\u2019s what you\u2019ll hear more about on our website and our events \/ through our resources. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families so that, in the end, God is glorified as we live out His purposes for our lives and for our marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to say a word of thanks here today for those of you who make this ministry possible as Legacy Partners\u2014monthly contributors to this ministry\u2014and those of you who will, from time to time, make a donation supporting the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We appreciate whatever support you\u2019re able to provide. In fact, we\u2019d love to express our appreciation, right now, by giving you a set of Resurrection Eggs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, a tool to help you share the gospel with your children or your grandchildren during the Easter season. We\u2019ll send those Resurrection Eggs out to you when you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also request the Resurrection Eggs when you mail your donation to us. Our address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Gary Thomas, continuing to explore what it looks like to cherish one another in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304428","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304428"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304428"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304428"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304428"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304428"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304428"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304428"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}