{"id":304426,"date":"2017-03-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-03-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-does-it-mean-to-cherish\/"},"modified":"2017-03-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-03-20T15:00:00","slug":"what-does-it-mean-to-cherish","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-does-it-mean-to-cherish\/","title":{"rendered":"What Does It Mean to Cherish?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Best-selling author Gary Thomas explains that when you show off the beauty of your spouse and showcase them instead of yourself, you are cherishing them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.56M","filesize_raw":"24701398","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2082],"tags":[4658,4580,4657,2877],"podcast_series":[7273],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304426","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-communication","tag-affirming-each-other","tag-encouragement","tag-how-to-cherish-your-spouse","tag-marriage","podcast_series-cherish","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304426\/what-does-it-mean-to-cherish","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304426\/what-does-it-mean-to-cherish","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ClnbWHwLoo\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-does-it-mean-to-cherish\/\">What Does It Mean to Cherish?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-does-it-mean-to-cherish\/embed\/#?secret=ClnbWHwLoo\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Does It Mean to Cherish?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ClnbWHwLoo\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Best-selling author Gary Thomas explains that when you show off the beauty of your spouse and showcase them instead of yourself, you are cherishing them.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-03-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s a difference between being loved and being cherished. Here\u2019s Gary Thomas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>A friend of mine\u2014he is pastor of a <em>huge<\/em> church\u2014he\u2019s with a bunch of men. He asked them, \u201cHow many of your wives love you?\u201d There are seven guys\u2014every hand went up. He said, \u201cHow many of your wives <em>like<\/em> you?\u201d\u2014every hand went down. Every one of those men felt loved \/ none of them felt cherished. What I\u2019m trying to suggest is we need to add the cherish. The husbands knew: \u201cYes, my wife is committed to me. My wife isn\u2019t going to walk out on me. My wife will sacrifice for m\u201d; but they didn\u2019t know: \u201cShe delights in me. She takes great joy in being around me and loving me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. So, what does cherishing your spouse look like? How can we do a better job at cherishing one another, even if we\u2019ve been married a long time? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, while we are kind of taking time this year to acknowledge that this is our 25<sup>th<\/sup> year of doing what we\u2019re doing with <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u201425 years of creating this program\u2014I thought we ought to just do a little reminiscing about the guest we have today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He has a long history with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He does. I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s amazing he\u2019s come back! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I dug into the archives, and it turns out that the first time that Gary Thomas was with us was in the spring of 2001. You prophesied\u2014did you know you prophesied over him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So here\u2019s how you introduced him, back when we had him on in 2001.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Actually, welcome to the broadcast, Gary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Thanks, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s quite an introduction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to say to those listeners, who have not read any of Gary\u2019s works, you are going to hear about him, not only for the next couple of days on the broadcast, but I believe you\u2019re going to hear about him, as a writer, in the future. He has a sharp pen. Just a few moments ago, off microphone, we were talking. Gary, you mentioned that writing, for you, is like a worshipful experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Well, one of my favorite movies has always been <em>Chariots of Fire<\/em>. There\u2019s that\u2014what has become a clich\u00e9 now\u2014when Eric Liddell says, \u201cWhen I run, I feel His pleasure.\u201d Sounds a little funny saying that; but in many ways, I say, \u201cWhen I write, I feel His pleasure.\u201d I just see that sense of, \u201cThis is what God has called me to do and what He\u2019s made me to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Eric Liddell never stopped running, and Gary Thomas hasn\u2019t stopped writing\u2014he\u2019s written 18 books. His latest one is <em>Cherish<\/em>. In case you don\u2019t know Gary, he is one of the teaching pastors at Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas. He and his wife Lisa have been married for 30 years; and that was kind of fun, listening back\u2014 huh, Gary?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Hard to believe. I sound very young.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You do have a sharp pen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And is writing still worshipful for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Evermore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You haven\u2019t fatigued of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, this book, <em>Cherish<\/em>, is, I think, a needed book today; because I think we toss it around, especially in a marriage relationship, but we don\u2019t understand a lot about it. You begin your book in a most unusual way\u2014in a trash heap.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes; there was a young woman in 2015 that was crowned the Thai beauty queen. When she returned home, she was still wearing her formal dress \/ she had on her tiara. And the first thing she did was to seek out her mom. Her mom, literally, collects trash for a living\u2014she goes through the trash \/ gets out what can be recycled or used for something else. She found her mother in front of these dumpsters\u2014her mother\u2019s wearing plastic shoes\u2014and she knelt down, in that dress, to show honor to her mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they captured that picture, it went viral. Everybody in Thailand suddenly realized who she was and who her mom was. She defended her mom, saying it wasn\u2019t a dishonorable profession at all \/ it was so honorable: \u201cShe kept us from starvation. She served us.\u201d It was just this picture of this beautiful young woman, who now was famous, who was now lifted up into a different class\u2014that people could look up to her. She had all of these lucrative contracts that were awaiting her\u2014on her knees, on the dirty ground, in her fancy clothes, showing honor to a trash collector, wearing plastic shoes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you saw that picture, and what did that communicate to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>You want to know the story behind it. What it communicated is: \u201cWhy is she showing this woman such honor?\u201d It was the juxtaposition of this young, successful, beautiful woman\u2014right?\u2014who was showing such honor and deference to a woman, who didn\u2019t seem beautiful, who didn\u2019t seem young, who wasn\u2019t well-dressed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just was arresting when you see it. That\u2019s why the picture got so much attention on the Internet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that juxtaposition, as you apply it to a marriage relationship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>She showed us how to cherish someone \/ how to honor someone. The key is that that woman, her mother, became famous. Before she won the pageant, nobody had heard of her mom \/ nobody would have known her. Even if she had won and then just forgot about her parents, nobody would have heard about her mom; but suddenly, this mom became literally one of the most photographed women in the world in 2015, because her daughter cherished her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Unpack that word, though, \u201ccherish,\u201d\u2014I mean, we understand in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEphesians 5 how Paul commanded husbands to nourish and cherish their wife \/ it\u2019s a husband\u2019s responsibility; but you\u2019re saying that all of us need to understand the concept of cherishing another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>We all pledge to\u2014almost all of us, in our marriage vows, pledge to \u201clove and to cherish until death do us part.\u201d It just hit me: \u201cWe\u2019ve talked so much about love, and most marriage books focus on love. What does this <em>cherish<\/em> word mean? How does it redefine love? How does it help us understand love in a new way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look at this: \u201cLove will always be the foundation of marriage. When you think of love, you think of sacrifice, you think of commitment, you think of service, you think of hanging in there; but cherish is sort of the spice of marriage. If you put it in the context of a ballet performance: a ballerina needs to have athleticism, she needs to have strength, and she needs to have balance. But those are the same things that actually an NFL linebacker needs as well. She also needs the grace, and the beauty, and the poetry\u2014that\u2019s what cherish brings to marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou want the strength, you want the athleticism, you want the commitment; but when marriage really takes off is when you have the poetry, the grace, and the beauty\u2014and that\u2019s what cherish represents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re kind of gleaning the end result of 30 years from your relationship with Lisa. I want you to take us back to the first year of your marriage. See if you can remember: \u201cHow did you attempt to cherish Lisa in those first 12 months of marriage?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And by the way, while you\u2019re thinking about that, just know that I\u2019m going to ask him the same question about his relationship with Barbara when you\u2019re done. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Thanks for the warning, Bob. [Laughter] And just so you know\u2014I\u2019m going to ask you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I got you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What goes around comes around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I got you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>The problem was\u2014in my first year of marriage, I cherished <em>me<\/em> more than I cherished my wife\u2014I did. I was 22 years old. I was as selfish and self-absorbed as they come, and that caused a lot issues in our marriage. We had a very difficult first year of marriage, in large part, as I look back, because I was having a love affair with myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to get out of that love affair before you can learn to cherish someone else. It didn\u2019t just take me months \/ it didn\u2019t just take me years\u2014it took a couple <em>decades<\/em> for me to understand the power of what it means to cherish a wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I would say it\u2019s taken me over four decades to get rid of myself\u2014I\u2019m still working on it, Gary! [Laughter] No doubt about myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow I would answer the question is\u2014and Barbara and I were reliving this recently, because we went to a dinner party. Barbara reminded me\u2014early in our marriage\u2014that we would go to a party; and I would just tear off into the party, enjoying everybody and exercising my own personality, and kind of leaving her to fend for herself. After doing that a couple of times\u2014and riding back in the car, together in silence\u2014finally, I asked the question\u2014I said, \u201cYou know, you really didn\u2019t say a whole lot at the party.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was in our first year of marriage, now. She said: \u201cWell, you really didn\u2019t give me a chance. You talked all the time.\u201d It was kind of one of those, \u201cOuch!\u201d\u2014it\u2019s back to selfishness again\u2014you nailed it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what I attempted to do, at that point, Gary, was to realize my wife needed <em>me<\/em> to run at the same pace that she could run. That meant dialing back my personality. I\u2019d like to say that I did it perfectly from then on\u2014I didn\u2019t. It was a lot of lessons learned from Year One in our marriage. But it is a way of cherishing your spouse\u2014to realize how far \/ how fast, your spouse can run\u2014and how you can support them in that process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The first book you and Barbara ever wrote was a book called <em>Building Your Mate\u2019s Self-Esteem. <\/em>Really, a big part of what you were saying in that book is a lot of what Gary\u2019s saying in this book\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s about the need to recognize what our spouse needs, and to be an agent \/ be God\u2019s agent to help fill in the spiritual gaps that exist in their life and the emotional gaps that exist there as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly. So, what about you in the first year of your marriage? You thought you were going to get away with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I thought, if I deferred; yes. I pretty much did it perfectly. You guys just sound like you were messing it up, right and left; but I just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Do we need to call Mary Ann? [Laughter] There you have it\u2014another great illustration ruined by an eyewitness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She would not feel cherished if you called her, trust me. [Laughter] Here\u2019s what I do think \/ here was the mistake I was making in my first year\u2014my first year\u2014and this was not just the first year, but it went on for several years\u2014I thought, if I was doing things that would make Mary Ann happy, that I was cherishing her. I realized that, in some cases, all I was doing was enabling her in patterns that weren\u2019t healthy in her own life or that weren\u2019t really what she wanted, at the core\u2014it\u2019s what she thought she wanted in the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was not leading well\u2014I was just trying to make somebody happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a difference between really cherishing and valuing another person and just trying to please them; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Absolutely. What I love about cherishing is that it requires us to focus on the particular. You really have to understand who your spouse is\u2014who God created your spouse to be is even a better way of putting it\u2014and help that beauty to be released. One of the images that really stuck with me, when I was working on this, was the whole notion of the ballet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge Balanchine, one of the most famous choreographers\u2014he\u2019s Russian-born \/ worked a lot in the U.S.\u2014had this phrase, where he liked to say, \u201cThe ballet is woman.\u201d What he meant by that is\u2014in couple\u2019s dancing \/ <em>pas de deux<\/em>, the best male dancers understand that their job is to showcase the ballerina. They don\u2019t want to get in front of her \/ they don\u2019t want to try to flex their own muscles\u2014their job is to support, and turn and help the ballerina do more because she\u2019s with him than she could possibly do on her own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a great picture of marriage: \u201cHow am I supporting my wife \/ encouraging my wife? Can I help everybody to see her excellence and the beauty that God has given her?\u201d The real picture would be a male dancer, that has supported that ballerina through the entire dance, and then he throws her into the spotlight at the finish\u2014it\u2019s the climax of the whole dance. The crowd gets up and this thunderous standing ovation, and everybody is screaming. He\u2019s breathing hard; and he just steps back, in the shadows, because his job is done. She\u2019s shining\u2014she\u2019s the star\u2014they see her beauty in a way they couldn\u2019t have seen without him supporting her. That\u2019s the image I want for a cherishing marriage\u2014to do that for my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s really interesting how you\u2019ve juxtaposed loving and cherishing, as not separate things, but really different facets of the marriage jewel that we\u2019re looking at. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was sitting here, thinking, \u201cIf a marriage has love without cherishing, it\u2019s going to look one way. If a marriage has cherishing, but there\u2019s not a foundation of bedrock love and commitment to it, that\u2019s going to look a little different.\u201d I mean, I\u2019m kind of thinking like cherishing is the\u2014is it the icing on the cake? Is it the thing that brings sweetness to substance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Cherishing without love is infatuation, but it goes away. We all know it passes, because there\u2019s no substance to hold it. Once the feelings are gone, the cherishing ends. Cherishing can be chosen. What I love about\u2014we talk about falling in love; but after infatuation is over, you have to choose to cherish. There are habits, and there are actions, and there are attitudes that you can unleash that build a cherishing heart. The way I put it before is that: \u201cThe more I cherish my wife, the more I cherish my wife,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it sets the stage, and it builds on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe difference you mentioned about love and cherish\u2014I think it\u2019s best seen\u2014a friend of mine\u2014he is very successful in his life \/ pastor of a <em>huge<\/em> church\u2014he was an NFL quarterback. When he played baseball, he was the shortstop. When he played basketball, he was the point guard; then the quarterback\u2014he was even in a rock\u2014he succeeded his entire life. He\u2019s with a bunch of men. He asks them, \u201cHow many of your wives love you?\u201d There are seven guys\u2014every hand went up. He said, \u201cHow many of your wives <em>like<\/em> you?\u201d\u2014every hand went down. Every one of those men felt loved \/ none of them felt cherished.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m trying to suggest is\u2014we need to add the cherish. The husbands knew: \u201cYes; my wife is committed to me. My wife isn\u2019t going to walk out on me. My wife will sacrifice for me\u201d; but they didn\u2019t know: \u201cShe delights in me. She takes great joy in being around me and loving me.\u201d That\u2019s what we pledged, most of us\u2014to make our spouse feel \/ that\u2019s what we pledged, most of us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014to do for our spouse. I\u2019m saying: \u201cLet\u2019s up the game. Let\u2019s say it\u2019s time to unleash the power of cherishing in our marriages.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Gary, correct me if I\u2019m wrong; but I think one of the words or the descriptions that you used in your book, <em>Cherish<\/em>, was the idea of cherish being showing off the beauty of the other person. It\u2019s a little bit of the picture of, again, the beauty queen in the trash heap, kneeling at the feet of her mother, showing her off \/ showing her beauty off to her nation after she\u2019d won her crown. Isn\u2019t that what we\u2019re really called to do as we cherish our spouse in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Exactly! It goes back to the ballet analogy, or I think of this\u2014when a young woman gets engaged and she\u2019s showing off the ring\u2014she wants everybody to see it \/ she wants everybody to enjoy it. Here\u2019s how foolish it is when we don\u2019t do that\u2014she never says: \u201cNo; don\u2019t look at the ring. Look at my knuckle.\u201d I mean, that would be <em>bizarre<\/em>, because she cherishes the ring. She wants others to cherish the ring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn marriage, when we\u2019re <em>selfish<\/em>, instead of wanting others to admire the beauty of our spouse, we\u2019re saying: \u201cLook at me. Look at the knuckle.\u201d It\u2019s that bizarre when you put it in that context\u2014that I want others to appreciate the beauty and the excellence of my wife. And here\u2019s the thing\u2014when others do that\u2014when you showcase your spouse, it makes you appreciate them all the more, which is how cherishing builds more cherishing because your opinion is validated. So you cherish her all the more, which releases more beauty, which increases your own sense of satisfaction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What\u2019s the opposite of cherishing? I mean, sometimes it helps to give a negative definition of what it isn\u2019t to better understand what it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Contempt\u2014totally contempt. I was with a couple one time\u2014the husband is a quiet guy, the kind who feels more at home in the world of science fiction than in a public dinner. It\u2019s a long table\u2014he hadn\u2019t been involved in the conversation at all. I thought I\u2019d try to bring him in\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I knew what he did. I said, \u201cWell, don\u2019t chefs usually think such and such?\u201d His wife jumped in: \u201cHe\u2019s not a chef! He\u2019s a cook!\u201d The husband said, \u201cHe can call me a chef.\u201d \u201cNo he can\u2019t! Chefs prepare things\u2014you just heat things up! It\u2019s not the same.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is\u2014he worked in a rest home. He had about 200 residents he cooked three meals for every day. It is tough\u2014you know, tight budgets \/ they make budget cuts. Sometimes, he has to figure out how to feed them. So some meals, yes, are heated up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it just struck me how she seemed so afraid that I might accidentally give her husband more respect than he was due. I\u2019m looking at it, as an objective observer, saying: \u201cWhy couldn\u2019t she see that as a noble challenge?\u201d\u2014a man, who relies on a limited budget, trying to feed 200 senior citizens and then nourish them\u2014but also make it a tasty experience. She was undercutting it\u2014she said, \u201cThey don\u2019t care what it tastes like anyway.\u201d Now, he seemed aggrieved for the residents: \u201cYes;\u201d he said, \u201cthey really do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou could see the hurt. She goes: \u201cWell, you\u2019re not a chef. You\u2019re a cook.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought: \u201cFrankly, what was the point of that?\u201d Is he going to go home and give her an extra hug?\u2014\u201cDidn\u2019t we have a wonderful time tonight? Maybe I could rub your feet before I go to bed.\u201d Or is he just going to be soft and quiet and not want to raise anything? She\u2019s going, \u201cYes; my husband\u2019s really boring,\u201d\u2014she very likely would think that. What she didn\u2019t realize is that she had reinforced that. Somebody was trying to respect her husband, and she would have none of it. That\u2019s not the climate, where he\u2019s going to change \/ that\u2019s not the climate to release his excellence\u2014it\u2019s the climate to push him down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe sooner we realize that most of our spouses sort of limped into marriage\u2014I mean, some of us marry superstars\u2014but most of us\u2014we were beat up; we were discouraged \/\u00a0 we were challenged\u2014and we come into marriage with all these scars. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can either say: \u201cMy marriage is going to be a healing place, where you beauty and excellence is released in a way it never has been before,\u201d or we\u2019re going to reinforce those messages from childhood: \u201cYou know what your coach said about you? He was right!\u201d \u201cYou know how your dad said you were a loser? He was right.\u201d We\u2019re going to either validate those childhood fears and make them worse; or we\u2019re going to say, \u201cSafe in my love\u2014me, supporting you\u2014you\u2019re going to begin to live for maybe the very first time in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It seems to me that, in order to truly cherish one another in the marriage relationship, you have to turn that commitment Bob was talking about\u2014love\u2014into becoming a student of your spouse, and what really communicates value, what communicates beauty, what communicates honor\/appreciation. It\u2019s not the same on every day. I mean, we go through different seasons in our lives \/ we go through different times every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I remember when we were raising a bunch of rug-rats, six kids in ten years. I mean, Barbara had kids hanging off of her legs, like ornaments off of a Christmas tree. I\u2019d come home and she just needed me to say: \u201cThank you, Sweetheart, for investing in the next generation, our children. Thank you for working here and shaping the conscience, and the spiritual life, and the intellect of these children to help them become all that God made them to be.\u201d At those moments I did that, I think I was as close to your plumb line of what cherishing is all about of any time in our marriage, just trying to meet her at her point of need and speak her love language.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and it matters \/ it makes a difference. It is a part of what keeps a marriage vibrant and thriving\u2014is for us, as husband and wife, to be expressing to one another how valuable we see the other person being. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are ways we can do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, you have a book full of them here, Gary\u2014you\u2019ve got a book called <em>Cherish: The One Word that Changes Everything for Your Marriage<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order a copy from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; you can also call to request a copy of Gary Thomas\u2019s book, <em>Cherish<\/em>. Our toll-free number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve talked about the fact that this whole idea of cherishing is really a biblical concept. It\u2019s found in Ephesians, Chapter 5, that husbands are to nourish and cherish\u2014to express value to one another \/ to encourage one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible is full of commands like this that explain for us what our marriage relationship is supposed to be like \/ what it\u2019s supposed to look like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife, we understand that the power for a marriage to thrive is not something we can find in ourselves. It comes from outside of us\u2014it comes from our relationship with God through Jesus Christ and our understanding of how He loves and cherishes us. First John 4:19 says, \u201cWe love because He first loved us,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s foundational in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to take just a minute here, Dennis, and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to the folks who understand the spiritual priority of marriage and who stand with us in wanting to see this message be disseminated as broadly as possible. Every year, since we began <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, back 25 years ago, we have seen the audience for this program continue to grow. There have been new ways that people have been accessing this program, not only on this local radio station, but through our podcast; folks are streaming <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>off our website. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> mobile app is available to provide folks with easy access to this daily program. All of that happens because folks, like you, join with us in this mission to provide practical biblical help and hope to more marriages and more families, year in and year out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation by going to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make an online donation there\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. You can also mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBox 7111, Little Rock, AR; the zip code is 72223. And by the way, when you make a donation, be sure to request a set of Resurrection Eggs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. It\u2019s a tool for you to be able to share the Easter story with your children, your grandchildren, maybe children in your local church or in your neighborhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Resurrection Eggs are our gift to you to say, \u201cThank you for supporting this ministry and joining with us in the mission of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us tomorrow. Gary Thomas will be here as well. We\u2019re going to talk about how important it is for a husband or a wife to be both physically and emotionally safe in one another\u2019s presence. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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