{"id":304384,"date":"2017-02-15T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-02-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/honoring-black-marriages-and-families\/"},"modified":"2017-02-15T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-02-15T17:00:00","slug":"honoring-black-marriages-and-families","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honoring-black-marriages-and-families\/","title":{"rendered":"Honoring Black Marriages and Families"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Lamar and Ronnie Tyler, founders of the website &#8220;Black and Married With Kids&#8221; realized that making a blended family work was more difficult than they initially thought, but they were determined to persevere. Fed up with pervasive negative images of black marriages in the media, the Tylers tell why they started their website, which promotes positive images of marriage and family in the black community.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lamar and Ronnie Tyler were fed up with pervasive negative images of black marriages in the media. So, the Tylers started their website, which promotes positive images of marriage and family in the black community.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.49M","filesize_raw":"26728272","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848,2821,2894],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[8192],"cwp_profile":[9444],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304384","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-issues","category-reaching-out","category-stepfamily-living","podcast_series-loving-singles-and-blended-families-in-your-church","cwp_profile-lamar-and-ronnie-tyler","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304384\/honoring-black-marriages-and-families","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304384\/honoring-black-marriages-and-families","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Ww23L63wxx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honoring-black-marriages-and-families\/\">Honoring Black Marriages and Families<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honoring-black-marriages-and-families\/embed\/#?secret=Ww23L63wxx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Honoring Black Marriages and Families&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Ww23L63wxx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Lamar Tyler met the woman who would be his future wife, Ronnie, he was not all that concerned about whether they could blend their family, since Ronnie already had children from another relationship. Lamar was worried about whether the marriage would actually take root.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>My fear was more about whether we could make this happen\u2014not the family happen. I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe we\u2019re the only ones that ever thought that way, but my focus was a lot more on the marriage. I was thinking that, \u201cOkay; the kids\u2014whether they\u2019re onboard now or not, they\u2019ll kind of get onboard throughout the process.\u201d [Laughter] That really was like, \u201cOkay; yes.\u201d Where were you guys a number of years ago when we first got married? It\u2019s so funny now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Laughter] This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll meet Lamar and Ronnie Tyler today\u2014hear a little bit about their relationship, about their marriage, and about the video that they have produced for blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. I have to tell you\u2014if you are speaking at a conference or an event, and you bring some of your books or your resources and make them available\u2014and you have to order extra because the demand that first day is so great that you have to ship some extra in\u2014you feel pretty good about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You do. It happened last September at the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry that we had at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s headquarters, along with 360 leaders of blended ministries\/stepfamily ministries in the local church. We were excited to co-host that with Focus on the Family. One of the couples who spoke at the event, Bob\u2014personally, I am real excited about\u2014because they want to build black families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is a husband and wife who live in Atlanta, Georgia. They work together as filmmakers. They\u2019ve done a number of documentaries, and their most recent documentary is called <em>Blended<\/em>. They took a look at the challenges facing blended families, not just in the black community, but in the body of Christ overall. In fact, Ron Deal, who heads up the blended family ministry, here at FamilyLife, appears as a part of this documentary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe asked Lamar and Ronnie Tyler to come and share their story and to tell us a little bit about this documentary. When we got done, we said, \u201cNow, we have a number of copies available in the back,\u201d and we sold out like <em>that<\/em>. They had to order in\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014a couple hundred more, and they sold out of those as well! There was a great demand for this film.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, they do great work; and frankly, they\u2019re touching a nerve, Bob, that desperately needs to be addressed and met in the local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s listen as you interview them, live, at the Summit on Stepfamily Ministries, back at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, last September.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell everybody a little bit about your background. Both of you were involved in IT before you met one another; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So what were you doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>I was a project manager for IBM. I did that for 17 years before we started working together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes; and myself, I was the IT manager at Foxfire, in DC\u2014a television station.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And how did your paths cross?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Just through mutual friends\u2014I came to visit her one day in the DC area, and he was at her home. She was having a little get-together at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was this a set-up? I mean, was she trying to set you up with him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Not really. He was not\u2014we have a blended family\u2014so he was not really paying me any mind. I think I had my baby with me or something. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was over talking to the other young ladies, and I was holding my baby. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>It was love at first sight\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>It was love at first sight. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>\u2014for Ronnie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014for Ronnie\u2014I got it. So, did you notice her at this get-together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes; definitely, I did notice her. And then we met, again, at a different event\u2014I guess maybe a few months later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>At the time, I had a traveling job, and I knew\u2014at the time, I was living in Newport, Virginia, down near Hampton and Virginia Beach. I knew I had a trip coming up to Norfolk in a few months; so I said, \u201cHey, when I come to your city, I would love to go out\u2014take you out to dinner or something.\u201d We did that and the rest is history.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you not at all cautious or put off by the fact that she was a mother of two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>You know, I wasn\u2019t; because actually, I grew up as a child of divorce, with a single mom, who raised three sons. I kind of grew up in that environment; so it really didn\u2019t bother me. I know some people say, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want to date someone with kids.\u201d That really wasn\u2019t an issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Since you got married, you\u2019ve added two more to the family; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you now have four kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Who\u2019s taking care of them right now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>His mother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; God bless your mother; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd something in those first years of marriage caused the two of you to say, \u201cWe need to address issues related to marriage and family, particularly in the black community\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Right. So, yes\u2014well, you know, Lamar worked at the Fox station. He was doing websites and things for them. He came home one day and he said, \u201cRonnie, I think we could do our own website \/ our own blog that we would have full control over\u2014and not red tape and things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe sat down and we thought, \u201cWell, what would be a topic that we both would be interested in writing about over the long haul?\u201d Marriage was that. We both were really passionate about marriage. We noticed that, when we announced that we were getting married, people weren\u2019t exactly <em>happy<\/em> about it. They were like rolling their eyes, \u201cAre you sure? Don\u2019t do it!\u201d\u2014you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>\u201cDon\u2019t make the same mistake I did.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>\u201cDon\u2019t make the same mistakes that they did.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>We really wanted to promote a <em>positive<\/em> image of marriage, within the African-American community in particular. We just felt like those images needed to be out there. When you thought about marriage\u2014and you thought about the African-American community\u2014if you weren\u2019t thinking about <em>The Cosby Show<\/em>, what are you thinking about, as far as images that are out there and prevalent? There are more negative images. We wanted people to see that \u201cYes; African-American couples are married\u2014they\u2019re happy, and there are black men in the families, and they are taking care of their children, and they\u2019re happy to be taking care of their children.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started our site\u2014blackandmarriedwithkids.com\u2014in 2007. It really took off. We had people writing in to us and saying: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m happily married. I don\u2019t see any other couples like us represented in the media,\u201d or \u201cMy parents have been married for 20 or 30 years, and you <em>never<\/em> see or hear people talk about that.\u201d I think that\u2019s why it really resonated with a lot of people in our community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You both came from situations\u2014you grew up in a divorced home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ten years\u2019 previous relationship\u2014two kids\u2014was there not some fear before the two of you stood and said, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014\u201cCan we really make this happen?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>I\u2014well, go ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>I would say I think my fear was more about whether we could make <em>this<\/em> happen, not the family happen. I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe we\u2019re the only ones that ever thought that way\u2014but my focus was a lot more on the marriage. I was thinking that, \u201cOkay; the kids are here; and whether they\u2019re onboard now or not, they\u2019ll kind of get onboard throughout the process.\u201d [Laughter] That really was like, \u201cOkay; yes.\u201d Where were you guys a number of years ago when we first got married? It\u2019s so funny now. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>But seriously, I never thought about it. The term, stepfamily\/blended family\u2014it just never even crossed my mind. I mean, I was happy. Lamar was a good guy and things were working out. When we were dating\u2014they seemed to like him when we were dating\u2014so\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were the first years tough?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>They were very tough. They were very tough. I mean, we were really blindsided by blended family issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, first of all, we were a new couple. I had never been married\u2014so I didn\u2019t even have the benefit of having those lessons learned\u2014as far as like: \u201cI wouldn\u2019t do these things again,\u201d No; I didn\u2019t\u2014this is my <em>first<\/em> marriage. Also, I pretty much took care of disciplining my kids <em>myself<\/em>. I didn\u2019t share that\u2014I didn\u2019t have any thoughts to run across with anybody else and to actually have his input sometimes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was <em>tough<\/em>\u2014I didn\u2019t want to hear his input. I was very defensive\u2014I thought: \u201cHow could he say these things about my kids? He doesn\u2019t even have kids. What is he talking about? He doesn\u2019t <em>know<\/em>.\u201d So things like that were running through my mind. I didn\u2019t necessarily voice those; but as a biological mother, I really thought those things sometimes. Or I thought: \u201cIs he really\u2026? Why is he\u2026?\u201d He is stricter than me. I really just figured that, once we started having kids together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but before we had kids together, I would think, \u201cIs he like that because of my kids?\u201d We just have different disciplining styles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>So there\u2019s just a lot that goes through your head as a biological parent. \u201cCan anybody else relate to that, or am I the only one?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes\u2014no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Everybody\u2019s quiet\u2014I was like, \u201cMaybe it\u2019s just us.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Because, I\u2019m sitting here, thinking: \u201cI love my husband and I want to listen to him, but then I love my kids. As a biological mother, I want to make sure I\u2019m doing great by my kids.\u201d And he had his own perspective as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thoughts like you were having can be the seeds that take a marriage down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar and Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Why didn\u2019t it take your marriage down?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>We got committed to each other. I mean, it got bad\u2014we were arguing over discipline, we were having issues, coming together as a new couple. Again, we were a new couple\u2014we had to learn how to communicate \/ we had to learn how to come together, as a couple, in addition to having a ready-made family on top of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Unfulfilled expectations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes; so we really became united. We really joined together as a united front. I mean, I remember we had this huge argument one time. Lamar just came and he was like: \u201cYou know what? We\u2019re not seeing, eye to eye; but I love you. We\u2019re going to work this out.\u201d And that really turned it all around for us\u2014just our commitment to each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, also, we just became really united, in front of the kids \/ in front of like extended family that may or may not have been onboard, and may have been naysayers, or whatever. But I felt like once we came together and once we showed them that: \u201cYou\u2019re not going to break them up. You\u2019re not going to break them apart,\u201d\u2014people really stopped challenging us as much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>And when she talks about that, she\u2019s talking about people outside of our marriage <em>and<\/em> the kids; because the kids will want to break you up, <em>and<\/em> people outside of your marriage will want to break you up as well. I think that\u2019s one of the things that is missed a lot of times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ll hear about outside influences around your blended family. I think, a lot of times, the perspective is that these outside influences are rational people\u2014and some kind of perspective is that these are people that want the best for your children. I think they have their own agendas \/ their own things going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, you have to try to have a rational relationship with irrational people. They\u2019re sending things through your kids into your home \/ into your lives. Like Ronnie said\u2014we really had to come together and say: \u201cYou know what? We\u2019re keeping this marriage together. We\u2019re going to do what we need to do in order to come together, and we\u2019re not going to give up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Some people need to write down what you said, which was, \u201cWe\u2019re not seeing, eye to eye; but I love you. We\u2019re going to make this work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar and Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, just saying that, as you said, that was kind of like, \u201cOkay; now, we\u2019ll figure out how to make it work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>It was definitely the first step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you recognize the naysayers to kids and the outside influences? Did you know, \u201cThese are people who are not for us\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Eventually, I did; because it will come back to us that they literally would say, \u201cShe shouldn\u2019t be with him,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they made it very clear. But then, there were still other ways that we didn\u2019t, because there were people who would come to me and say, \u201cYou know what?\u201d\u2014you know, talking about our son\u2014\u201cHe needs a strong, male figure like you in his life, and his dad isn\u2019t there. We\u2019re so glad you\u2019re here.\u201d But then, later on, we would find out they were telling him: \u201cWell, guess what? He\u2019s not your dad, so he doesn\u2019t have the right to tell you what to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, they were sowing seeds of discord into our child\u2014which, looking at it later, I really felt bad\u2014because, again, under the guise of, \u201cWe want what\u2019s best for him,\u201d when you send a child in with those directives and that mission, and then it seems like he\u2019s just acting those things out, it just sent our family to a bad spot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is there an expectation in the black community that marriages probably aren\u2019t going to work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s an expectation, particularly, just in the black community; but I just feel like more and more people need to see marriage as work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel like people are getting disheartened. They\u2019re not seeing it\u2014you\u2019re seeing a lot of generations of single parenthood\u2014so they\u2019re not seeing those examples. That\u2019s really what our mission is\u2014is to really, really put those examples out there to show people that: \u201cMarriages can work. If you do have problems, divorce is not always the option. You can work them through and you can come through stronger.\u201d People just aren\u2019t seeing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>We\u2019ve done screenings of our documentaries. We\u2019ll have someone stand up in a Q&amp;A and say: \u201cHey, I\u2019m single; and I don\u2019t want to get married. Is it a problem?\u201d Then, when we probe a little deeper, oftentimes we may hear, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want to get married; because I\u2019ve never seen successful marriages.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike Ronnie said\u2014once you start to look at generation after generation of just single parents, single parents, single parents, and then you look in communities where maybe there are a lot of marriages. There aren\u2019t a lot of things for you to really reflect on and say, \u201cThat\u2019s the great part of marriage.\u201d That\u2019s why we do what we do with Black and Married with Kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we make actual documentary films\u2014so that someone can sit down and say, \u201cOkay; here\u2019s a man\u2014a strong man\u2014talking about the benefit of marriage.\u201d Because no matter who you are, across any culture, nine times out of ten if you see marriage portrayed in the movies, in the news, in the newspapers, it\u2019s all negative. It\u2019s all about, for men\u2014you\u2019re losing your freedom, you\u2019re losing your life, you\u2019re losing your livelihood. It\u2019s important for us, at all stages, to put these positive images out in front and really market marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell us about\u2014that\u2019s great; isn\u2019t it? [Applause] You\u2019ve done a number of documentaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell us about the films you\u2019ve made.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes. So, we\u2019re just now releasing our sixth film, which we\u2019ll talk about in a second.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>The whole thing\u2014like I said, we started out\u2014we wanted to provide positive images of marriage and parenting in the African-American community, because we knew that there were millions of married African-American couples that basically get ignored when you turn on the television or open up the newspaper, as if they don\u2019t exist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, like Ronnie said, we created our first documentary\u2014even though I worked at a TV station, I had no previous experience whatsoever of holding the camera or shooting anything. I bought one from a friend just to do some things on the website; and we got this crazy idea: \u201cLet\u2019s do a documentary film.\u201d I was going to hire a guy; but I was like, you know: \u201cHow is it going to work? How much is it going to cost? Am I going to make the money back?\u201d You know, \u201cIf we make money, stuff won\u2019t be funny then,\u201d\u2014all those types of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRonnie\u2014she really instilled in me: \u201cYou know what? We have a camera. I think you can do this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>So for the next two weeks, I went out\u2014interviewed couples and pull together a few experts. We made our first film\u2014screened it in Washington, DC. We were living in the DC area at the time\u2014screened it in Washington, DC. We had a 160-seat theater. I was hoping that 60 people would, at least, come; but we sold that 160 out. The media and press came out. Then, from there, we just took that money\u2014reinvested it, made the next film, bought better cameras \/ better quality equipment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you know, it\u2019s just been a process of creating films that show that, \u201cHey, couples face issues.\u201d So when couples sit down and they watch it, they say: \u201cGuess what? I\u2019m not alone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m not the only one going through this. Somebody else went through it. Not only did they go through it, but they made it through on the other side.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce couples see that and they know, \u201cOkay; somebody else faced the same thing,\u201d\u2014sometimes\u2014\u201cthe worst of what I\u2019m going through and they made it,\u201d\u2014guess what? It gives them a little bit of hope. When they get a little bit of hope, that\u2019s when we turn them over to people like the people in this room for the resources. [Applause] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about our movies is they\u2019re not workshop-based films. They make you laugh, they make you cry, and it\u2019s a low barrier of entry to get people out to see it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So tell me\u2014tell me about this one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Okay; so this one is near and dear to us. It\u2019s called <em>Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies<\/em>. It has the same purpose as all of our other films. We really wanted to talk to experts, as well as real couples, and wanted to get that message out there\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that: \u201cAlthough you\u2019re struggling in your blended family, there is hope. You can come through on the other side,\u201d and that \u201cYour family can be stronger than ever.\u201d We went around the country and talked to experts\u2014one being Ron Deal, of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>How can you have a movie without Ron in it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>So Ron Deal. We talked to experts as well as couples. We just tell their story; and hopefully, it can be touching. We want people to make sure they have their tissues out when they\u2019re watching it; but at the end of the day, we want to inspire couples to get help; because if those couples in the movie can do it, then you can too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know that marriage issues are cross-cultural, but I also know that cultural issues play into marriage and family. As you think about the black family in America, and about marriage, and about family, are you encouraged or are you discouraged about where we are today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m both. I\u2019m definitely discouraged\u2014I mean, definitely what you see on the media and what\u2019s playing out\u2014it affects the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt definitely impacts us, as African-Americans, in this country. However, I am encouraged, because the more that we do our work with blackamericans.com\u2014the more couples that we meet \/ the more black couples that we meet\u2014the more people like Joyce and Julius and other folks out there that are just like warriors for marriage, and that do have happy marriages, and that are married for a long time\u2014so I\u2019m definitely encouraged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>And I would say I\u2019m encouraged, too; because we get to see, firsthand, the couples that you don\u2019t see through media \/ you don\u2019t see through the press. We have over 300,000 people visit the website every month. Our Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> page, I think, is up to 520,000 people now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>So the perception that in the black community\u2014black marriages and how they regard them \/ people don\u2019t want marriage\u2014we talk to singles. Actually, one of the largest sections of our site are actually singles who want to prepare for marriage and who say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019ve seen divorces around me. I want to know what\u2019s going on with marriages.\u201d They come to read our marriage articles. We actually try to segment them and send them emails just for singles. They say: \u201cNo; keep me on the marriage list too, because I want those stories.\u201d So we see both sides.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow. I can see why <em>Ebony<\/em> thought you were the coolest black family in America. [Laughter] This is great! [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been listening back to a conversation that I had with Lamar and Ronnie Tyler at the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, back in Colorado Springs, back in September. It\u2019s encouraging to us that more and more people are starting to say: \u201cMaybe the Bible can help us with relationship issues. Maybe there are answers in what the gospel has to say about life and relationships.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think there are a lot of people today in various stages of brokenness. Some are single, some are married, and some are in blended\/stepfamily situations. Everybody needs help \/ everybody needs hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEveryone needs someone to come alongside them, put their arm around them, and say: \u201cYou know what? We have some proven solutions that will, not only nurture your soul and your spiritual condition as a follower of Christ, but it\u2019ll equip you as you raise your children and as you send the next generation out with the message of Christ to their generation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We mentioned earlier that one of the things we\u2019re doing this fall is hosting a national live stream event called <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>, where Ron Deal and other speakers are going to gather together. This is on Saturday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. It\u2019s going to be hosted in local churches, but it can be live-streamed at home if you\u2019d prefer to do that. They\u2019re going to be focusing in on the five keys that are crucial for healthy stepfamily marriages. The event is free to host \/ it\u2019s free to attend. You can find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com about how you can host an event like this, how you can attend an event, or how you can watch it at home on the live stream. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Look for information about the upcoming <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> live-stream event. Also look for information about the DVD that Lamar and Ronnie Tyler have put together called <em>Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order from us, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. This would be a great documentary to watch together with other stepfamily couples and then start a small group Bible study. Go through Ron Deal\u2019s <em>Smart Stepfamily<\/em> material, or launch a stepfamily ministry in your church with this documentary as the way to get things going. Again, it\u2019s called <em>Blended. <\/em>You can order it online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, whatever is the condition of your marriage\u2014if you\u2019re in a blended marriage, you\u2019re in a marriage where things are thriving, maybe a marriage where things are rough right now\u2014our goal, here at FamilyLife, is to help your marriage be all that God wants it to be. We believe the Bible has the answers for the issues you face in marriage. The Bible teaches us how to be dispensers of grace to one another, how to love one another unconditionally, how to forgive one another when we sin against one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we seek to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family through these daily broadcasts, through the resources we create, on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, at the events we host, like the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. All of these things are designed to help strengthen your marriage and your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate our Legacy Partners, who really are partners with us in this ministry\u2014people who believe that marriage and family is important \/ people who believe that a resource like this daily radio program is important for your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Legacy Partners are the folks who provide the financial backbone for our ministry. We couldn\u2019t do what we do without them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe you\u2019ve been a long-time listener and never became a monthly Legacy Partner. Maybe today\u2019s the day for you to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about becoming a Legacy Partner, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd whether you choose to become a Legacy Partner today or simply to make a one-time gift, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Moments with You<\/em>. It\u2019s a devotional guide for couples. It\u2019s our thank-you gift when you donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and request the daily devotional. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at Post Office \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBox 7111, Little Rock; AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about how we can raise kids who are grateful for what they have rather than kids who keep thinking they\u2019re entitled to things that they don\u2019t have. How do we raise grateful kids in an entitled world? Kristen Welch is going to join us tomorrow to talk about that. We hope you can be with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.49M"],"filesize_raw":["26728272"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304384.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304384.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Ronnie Tyler were fed up with pervasive negative images of black marriages in the media. So, the Tylers started their website, which promotes positive images of marriage and family in the black community.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Lamar Tyler met the woman who would be his future wife, Ronnie, he was not all that concerned about whether they could blend their family, since Ronnie already had children from another relationship. Lamar was worried about whether the marriage would actually take root.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>My fear was more about whether we could make this happen\u2014not the family happen. I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe we\u2019re the only ones that ever thought that way, but my focus was a lot more on the marriage. I was thinking that, \u201cOkay; the kids\u2014whether they\u2019re onboard now or not, they\u2019ll kind of get onboard throughout the process.\u201d [Laughter] That really was like, \u201cOkay; yes.\u201d Where were you guys a number of years ago when we first got married? It\u2019s so funny now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Laughter] This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll meet Lamar and Ronnie Tyler today\u2014hear a little bit about their relationship, about their marriage, and about the video that they have produced for blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. I have to tell you\u2014if you are speaking at a conference or an event, and you bring some of your books or your resources and make them available\u2014and you have to order extra because the demand that first day is so great that you have to ship some extra in\u2014you feel pretty good about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You do. It happened last September at the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry that we had at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s headquarters, along with 360 leaders of blended ministries\/stepfamily ministries in the local church. We were excited to co-host that with Focus on the Family. One of the couples who spoke at the event, Bob\u2014personally, I am real excited about\u2014because they want to build black families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is a husband and wife who live in Atlanta, Georgia. They work together as filmmakers. They\u2019ve done a number of documentaries, and their most recent documentary is called <em>Blended<\/em>. They took a look at the challenges facing blended families, not just in the black community, but in the body of Christ overall. In fact, Ron Deal, who heads up the blended family ministry, here at FamilyLife, appears as a part of this documentary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe asked Lamar and Ronnie Tyler to come and share their story and to tell us a little bit about this documentary. When we got done, we said, \u201cNow, we have a number of copies available in the back,\u201d and we sold out like <em>that<\/em>. They had to order in\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014a couple hundred more, and they sold out of those as well! There was a great demand for this film.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, they do great work; and frankly, they\u2019re touching a nerve, Bob, that desperately needs to be addressed and met in the local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s listen as you interview them, live, at the Summit on Stepfamily Ministries, back at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, last September.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell everybody a little bit about your background. Both of you were involved in IT before you met one another; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So what were you doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>I was a project manager for IBM. I did that for 17 years before we started working together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes; and myself, I was the IT manager at Foxfire, in DC\u2014a television station.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And how did your paths cross?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Just through mutual friends\u2014I came to visit her one day in the DC area, and he was at her home. She was having a little get-together at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was this a set-up? I mean, was she trying to set you up with him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Not really. He was not\u2014we have a blended family\u2014so he was not really paying me any mind. I think I had my baby with me or something. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was over talking to the other young ladies, and I was holding my baby. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>It was love at first sight\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>It was love at first sight. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>\u2014for Ronnie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014for Ronnie\u2014I got it. So, did you notice her at this get-together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes; definitely, I did notice her. And then we met, again, at a different event\u2014I guess maybe a few months later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>At the time, I had a traveling job, and I knew\u2014at the time, I was living in Newport, Virginia, down near Hampton and Virginia Beach. I knew I had a trip coming up to Norfolk in a few months; so I said, \u201cHey, when I come to your city, I would love to go out\u2014take you out to dinner or something.\u201d We did that and the rest is history.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you not at all cautious or put off by the fact that she was a mother of two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>You know, I wasn\u2019t; because actually, I grew up as a child of divorce, with a single mom, who raised three sons. I kind of grew up in that environment; so it really didn\u2019t bother me. I know some people say, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want to date someone with kids.\u201d That really wasn\u2019t an issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Since you got married, you\u2019ve added two more to the family; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you now have four kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Who\u2019s taking care of them right now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>His mother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; God bless your mother; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd something in those first years of marriage caused the two of you to say, \u201cWe need to address issues related to marriage and family, particularly in the black community\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Right. So, yes\u2014well, you know, Lamar worked at the Fox station. He was doing websites and things for them. He came home one day and he said, \u201cRonnie, I think we could do our own website \/ our own blog that we would have full control over\u2014and not red tape and things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe sat down and we thought, \u201cWell, what would be a topic that we both would be interested in writing about over the long haul?\u201d Marriage was that. We both were really passionate about marriage. We noticed that, when we announced that we were getting married, people weren\u2019t exactly <em>happy<\/em> about it. They were like rolling their eyes, \u201cAre you sure? Don\u2019t do it!\u201d\u2014you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>\u201cDon\u2019t make the same mistake I did.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>\u201cDon\u2019t make the same mistakes that they did.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>We really wanted to promote a <em>positive<\/em> image of marriage, within the African-American community in particular. We just felt like those images needed to be out there. When you thought about marriage\u2014and you thought about the African-American community\u2014if you weren\u2019t thinking about <em>The Cosby Show<\/em>, what are you thinking about, as far as images that are out there and prevalent? There are more negative images. We wanted people to see that \u201cYes; African-American couples are married\u2014they\u2019re happy, and there are black men in the families, and they are taking care of their children, and they\u2019re happy to be taking care of their children.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started our site\u2014blackandmarriedwithkids.com\u2014in 2007. It really took off. We had people writing in to us and saying: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m happily married. I don\u2019t see any other couples like us represented in the media,\u201d or \u201cMy parents have been married for 20 or 30 years, and you <em>never<\/em> see or hear people talk about that.\u201d I think that\u2019s why it really resonated with a lot of people in our community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You both came from situations\u2014you grew up in a divorced home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ten years\u2019 previous relationship\u2014two kids\u2014was there not some fear before the two of you stood and said, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014\u201cCan we really make this happen?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>I\u2014well, go ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>I would say I think my fear was more about whether we could make <em>this<\/em> happen, not the family happen. I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe we\u2019re the only ones that ever thought that way\u2014but my focus was a lot more on the marriage. I was thinking that, \u201cOkay; the kids are here; and whether they\u2019re onboard now or not, they\u2019ll kind of get onboard throughout the process.\u201d [Laughter] That really was like, \u201cOkay; yes.\u201d Where were you guys a number of years ago when we first got married? It\u2019s so funny now. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>But seriously, I never thought about it. The term, stepfamily\/blended family\u2014it just never even crossed my mind. I mean, I was happy. Lamar was a good guy and things were working out. When we were dating\u2014they seemed to like him when we were dating\u2014so\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were the first years tough?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>They were very tough. They were very tough. I mean, we were really blindsided by blended family issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, first of all, we were a new couple. I had never been married\u2014so I didn\u2019t even have the benefit of having those lessons learned\u2014as far as like: \u201cI wouldn\u2019t do these things again,\u201d No; I didn\u2019t\u2014this is my <em>first<\/em> marriage. Also, I pretty much took care of disciplining my kids <em>myself<\/em>. I didn\u2019t share that\u2014I didn\u2019t have any thoughts to run across with anybody else and to actually have his input sometimes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was <em>tough<\/em>\u2014I didn\u2019t want to hear his input. I was very defensive\u2014I thought: \u201cHow could he say these things about my kids? He doesn\u2019t even have kids. What is he talking about? He doesn\u2019t <em>know<\/em>.\u201d So things like that were running through my mind. I didn\u2019t necessarily voice those; but as a biological mother, I really thought those things sometimes. Or I thought: \u201cIs he really\u2026? Why is he\u2026?\u201d He is stricter than me. I really just figured that, once we started having kids together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but before we had kids together, I would think, \u201cIs he like that because of my kids?\u201d We just have different disciplining styles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>So there\u2019s just a lot that goes through your head as a biological parent. \u201cCan anybody else relate to that, or am I the only one?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes\u2014no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Everybody\u2019s quiet\u2014I was like, \u201cMaybe it\u2019s just us.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Because, I\u2019m sitting here, thinking: \u201cI love my husband and I want to listen to him, but then I love my kids. As a biological mother, I want to make sure I\u2019m doing great by my kids.\u201d And he had his own perspective as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thoughts like you were having can be the seeds that take a marriage down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar and Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Why didn\u2019t it take your marriage down?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>We got committed to each other. I mean, it got bad\u2014we were arguing over discipline, we were having issues, coming together as a new couple. Again, we were a new couple\u2014we had to learn how to communicate \/ we had to learn how to come together, as a couple, in addition to having a ready-made family on top of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Unfulfilled expectations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes; so we really became united. We really joined together as a united front. I mean, I remember we had this huge argument one time. Lamar just came and he was like: \u201cYou know what? We\u2019re not seeing, eye to eye; but I love you. We\u2019re going to work this out.\u201d And that really turned it all around for us\u2014just our commitment to each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, also, we just became really united, in front of the kids \/ in front of like extended family that may or may not have been onboard, and may have been naysayers, or whatever. But I felt like once we came together and once we showed them that: \u201cYou\u2019re not going to break them up. You\u2019re not going to break them apart,\u201d\u2014people really stopped challenging us as much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>And when she talks about that, she\u2019s talking about people outside of our marriage <em>and<\/em> the kids; because the kids will want to break you up, <em>and<\/em> people outside of your marriage will want to break you up as well. I think that\u2019s one of the things that is missed a lot of times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ll hear about outside influences around your blended family. I think, a lot of times, the perspective is that these outside influences are rational people\u2014and some kind of perspective is that these are people that want the best for your children. I think they have their own agendas \/ their own things going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, you have to try to have a rational relationship with irrational people. They\u2019re sending things through your kids into your home \/ into your lives. Like Ronnie said\u2014we really had to come together and say: \u201cYou know what? We\u2019re keeping this marriage together. We\u2019re going to do what we need to do in order to come together, and we\u2019re not going to give up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Some people need to write down what you said, which was, \u201cWe\u2019re not seeing, eye to eye; but I love you. We\u2019re going to make this work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar and Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, just saying that, as you said, that was kind of like, \u201cOkay; now, we\u2019ll figure out how to make it work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>It was definitely the first step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you recognize the naysayers to kids and the outside influences? Did you know, \u201cThese are people who are not for us\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Eventually, I did; because it will come back to us that they literally would say, \u201cShe shouldn\u2019t be with him,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they made it very clear. But then, there were still other ways that we didn\u2019t, because there were people who would come to me and say, \u201cYou know what?\u201d\u2014you know, talking about our son\u2014\u201cHe needs a strong, male figure like you in his life, and his dad isn\u2019t there. We\u2019re so glad you\u2019re here.\u201d But then, later on, we would find out they were telling him: \u201cWell, guess what? He\u2019s not your dad, so he doesn\u2019t have the right to tell you what to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, they were sowing seeds of discord into our child\u2014which, looking at it later, I really felt bad\u2014because, again, under the guise of, \u201cWe want what\u2019s best for him,\u201d when you send a child in with those directives and that mission, and then it seems like he\u2019s just acting those things out, it just sent our family to a bad spot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is there an expectation in the black community that marriages probably aren\u2019t going to work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s an expectation, particularly, just in the black community; but I just feel like more and more people need to see marriage as work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel like people are getting disheartened. They\u2019re not seeing it\u2014you\u2019re seeing a lot of generations of single parenthood\u2014so they\u2019re not seeing those examples. That\u2019s really what our mission is\u2014is to really, really put those examples out there to show people that: \u201cMarriages can work. If you do have problems, divorce is not always the option. You can work them through and you can come through stronger.\u201d People just aren\u2019t seeing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>We\u2019ve done screenings of our documentaries. We\u2019ll have someone stand up in a Q&amp;A and say: \u201cHey, I\u2019m single; and I don\u2019t want to get married. Is it a problem?\u201d Then, when we probe a little deeper, oftentimes we may hear, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want to get married; because I\u2019ve never seen successful marriages.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike Ronnie said\u2014once you start to look at generation after generation of just single parents, single parents, single parents, and then you look in communities where maybe there are a lot of marriages. There aren\u2019t a lot of things for you to really reflect on and say, \u201cThat\u2019s the great part of marriage.\u201d That\u2019s why we do what we do with Black and Married with Kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we make actual documentary films\u2014so that someone can sit down and say, \u201cOkay; here\u2019s a man\u2014a strong man\u2014talking about the benefit of marriage.\u201d Because no matter who you are, across any culture, nine times out of ten if you see marriage portrayed in the movies, in the news, in the newspapers, it\u2019s all negative. It\u2019s all about, for men\u2014you\u2019re losing your freedom, you\u2019re losing your life, you\u2019re losing your livelihood. It\u2019s important for us, at all stages, to put these positive images out in front and really market marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell us about\u2014that\u2019s great; isn\u2019t it? [Applause] You\u2019ve done a number of documentaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell us about the films you\u2019ve made.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>Yes. So, we\u2019re just now releasing our sixth film, which we\u2019ll talk about in a second.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>The whole thing\u2014like I said, we started out\u2014we wanted to provide positive images of marriage and parenting in the African-American community, because we knew that there were millions of married African-American couples that basically get ignored when you turn on the television or open up the newspaper, as if they don\u2019t exist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, like Ronnie said, we created our first documentary\u2014even though I worked at a TV station, I had no previous experience whatsoever of holding the camera or shooting anything. I bought one from a friend just to do some things on the website; and we got this crazy idea: \u201cLet\u2019s do a documentary film.\u201d I was going to hire a guy; but I was like, you know: \u201cHow is it going to work? How much is it going to cost? Am I going to make the money back?\u201d You know, \u201cIf we make money, stuff won\u2019t be funny then,\u201d\u2014all those types of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRonnie\u2014she really instilled in me: \u201cYou know what? We have a camera. I think you can do this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>So for the next two weeks, I went out\u2014interviewed couples and pull together a few experts. We made our first film\u2014screened it in Washington, DC. We were living in the DC area at the time\u2014screened it in Washington, DC. We had a 160-seat theater. I was hoping that 60 people would, at least, come; but we sold that 160 out. The media and press came out. Then, from there, we just took that money\u2014reinvested it, made the next film, bought better cameras \/ better quality equipment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you know, it\u2019s just been a process of creating films that show that, \u201cHey, couples face issues.\u201d So when couples sit down and they watch it, they say: \u201cGuess what? I\u2019m not alone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m not the only one going through this. Somebody else went through it. Not only did they go through it, but they made it through on the other side.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce couples see that and they know, \u201cOkay; somebody else faced the same thing,\u201d\u2014sometimes\u2014\u201cthe worst of what I\u2019m going through and they made it,\u201d\u2014guess what? It gives them a little bit of hope. When they get a little bit of hope, that\u2019s when we turn them over to people like the people in this room for the resources. [Applause] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about our movies is they\u2019re not workshop-based films. They make you laugh, they make you cry, and it\u2019s a low barrier of entry to get people out to see it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So tell me\u2014tell me about this one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Okay; so this one is near and dear to us. It\u2019s called <em>Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies<\/em>. It has the same purpose as all of our other films. We really wanted to talk to experts, as well as real couples, and wanted to get that message out there\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that: \u201cAlthough you\u2019re struggling in your blended family, there is hope. You can come through on the other side,\u201d and that \u201cYour family can be stronger than ever.\u201d We went around the country and talked to experts\u2014one being Ron Deal, of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>How can you have a movie without Ron in it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>So Ron Deal. We talked to experts as well as couples. We just tell their story; and hopefully, it can be touching. We want people to make sure they have their tissues out when they\u2019re watching it; but at the end of the day, we want to inspire couples to get help; because if those couples in the movie can do it, then you can too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know that marriage issues are cross-cultural, but I also know that cultural issues play into marriage and family. As you think about the black family in America, and about marriage, and about family, are you encouraged or are you discouraged about where we are today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m both. I\u2019m definitely discouraged\u2014I mean, definitely what you see on the media and what\u2019s playing out\u2014it affects the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt definitely impacts us, as African-Americans, in this country. However, I am encouraged, because the more that we do our work with blackamericans.com\u2014the more couples that we meet \/ the more black couples that we meet\u2014the more people like Joyce and Julius and other folks out there that are just like warriors for marriage, and that do have happy marriages, and that are married for a long time\u2014so I\u2019m definitely encouraged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>And I would say I\u2019m encouraged, too; because we get to see, firsthand, the couples that you don\u2019t see through media \/ you don\u2019t see through the press. We have over 300,000 people visit the website every month. Our Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> page, I think, is up to 520,000 people now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lamar: <\/strong>So the perception that in the black community\u2014black marriages and how they regard them \/ people don\u2019t want marriage\u2014we talk to singles. Actually, one of the largest sections of our site are actually singles who want to prepare for marriage and who say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019ve seen divorces around me. I want to know what\u2019s going on with marriages.\u201d They come to read our marriage articles. We actually try to segment them and send them emails just for singles. They say: \u201cNo; keep me on the marriage list too, because I want those stories.\u201d So we see both sides.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow. I can see why <em>Ebony<\/em> thought you were the coolest black family in America. [Laughter] This is great! [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been listening back to a conversation that I had with Lamar and Ronnie Tyler at the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, back in Colorado Springs, back in September. It\u2019s encouraging to us that more and more people are starting to say: \u201cMaybe the Bible can help us with relationship issues. Maybe there are answers in what the gospel has to say about life and relationships.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think there are a lot of people today in various stages of brokenness. Some are single, some are married, and some are in blended\/stepfamily situations. Everybody needs help \/ everybody needs hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEveryone needs someone to come alongside them, put their arm around them, and say: \u201cYou know what? We have some proven solutions that will, not only nurture your soul and your spiritual condition as a follower of Christ, but it\u2019ll equip you as you raise your children and as you send the next generation out with the message of Christ to their generation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We mentioned earlier that one of the things we\u2019re doing this fall is hosting a national live stream event called <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>, where Ron Deal and other speakers are going to gather together. This is on Saturday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. It\u2019s going to be hosted in local churches, but it can be live-streamed at home if you\u2019d prefer to do that. They\u2019re going to be focusing in on the five keys that are crucial for healthy stepfamily marriages. The event is free to host \/ it\u2019s free to attend. You can find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com about how you can host an event like this, how you can attend an event, or how you can watch it at home on the live stream. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Look for information about the upcoming <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> live-stream event. Also look for information about the DVD that Lamar and Ronnie Tyler have put together called <em>Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order from us, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. This would be a great documentary to watch together with other stepfamily couples and then start a small group Bible study. Go through Ron Deal\u2019s <em>Smart Stepfamily<\/em> material, or launch a stepfamily ministry in your church with this documentary as the way to get things going. Again, it\u2019s called <em>Blended. <\/em>You can order it online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, whatever is the condition of your marriage\u2014if you\u2019re in a blended marriage, you\u2019re in a marriage where things are thriving, maybe a marriage where things are rough right now\u2014our goal, here at FamilyLife, is to help your marriage be all that God wants it to be. We believe the Bible has the answers for the issues you face in marriage. The Bible teaches us how to be dispensers of grace to one another, how to love one another unconditionally, how to forgive one another when we sin against one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we seek to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family through these daily broadcasts, through the resources we create, on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, at the events we host, like the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. All of these things are designed to help strengthen your marriage and your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate our Legacy Partners, who really are partners with us in this ministry\u2014people who believe that marriage and family is important \/ people who believe that a resource like this daily radio program is important for your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Legacy Partners are the folks who provide the financial backbone for our ministry. We couldn\u2019t do what we do without them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe you\u2019ve been a long-time listener and never became a monthly Legacy Partner. Maybe today\u2019s the day for you to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about becoming a Legacy Partner, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd whether you choose to become a Legacy Partner today or simply to make a one-time gift, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Moments with You<\/em>. It\u2019s a devotional guide for couples. It\u2019s our thank-you gift when you donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and request the daily devotional. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at Post Office \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBox 7111, Little Rock; AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about how we can raise kids who are grateful for what they have rather than kids who keep thinking they\u2019re entitled to things that they don\u2019t have. How do we raise grateful kids in an entitled world? Kristen Welch is going to join us tomorrow to talk about that. We hope you can be with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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