{"id":304382,"date":"2017-02-14T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-02-14T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/singleness-and-dating\/"},"modified":"2017-02-14T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-02-14T17:00:00","slug":"singleness-and-dating","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/singleness-and-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"Singleness and Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lisa Anderson reveals what it&#8217;s like being a Christian single woman trying to date in this culture. Ron Deal gives advice to those who have been previously married and are ready to date again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.61M","filesize_raw":"29997065","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2867,2859,2821],"tags":[6204,6203,6202],"podcast_series":[8192],"cwp_profile":[3155,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304382","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-church-involvement","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-reaching-out","tag-dating-again","tag-dating-in-the-church","tag-singles-in-the-church","podcast_series-loving-singles-and-blended-families-in-your-church","cwp_profile-lisa-anderson","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304382\/singleness-and-dating","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304382\/singleness-and-dating","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Dy8Imkq5yl\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/singleness-and-dating\/\">Singleness and Dating<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/singleness-and-dating\/embed\/#?secret=Dy8Imkq5yl\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Singleness and Dating&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Dy8Imkq5yl\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Are you a single person who would like to maybe someday be in a relationship? Lisa Anderson says, if that\u2019s the case, you have to be ready at all times for whatever comes your way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I had a guy ask me out in WalMart<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I could have probably gone to coffee with him; but I just panicked and I was all freaking out, because he was really smooth. He was like, \u201cCan you help me find a card for my mom?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOf course, I\u2019ll help you find a card for your mom, you precious man. [Laughter] Do you want me to get flowers and a time-share for her too?\u201d I mean, I just thought it was so cute of him. And then he was like, \u201cWell, hey, do you want to grab dinner?\u201d I was like, \u201cThat is so smooth.\u201d I do this full-time, and I wasn\u2019t prepared for that. [Laughter] So I just panicked\u2014I panicked and fled; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 14t<sup>h<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How can singles make themselves ready for a relationship that has yet to happen? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk with Lisa Anderson about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. I\u2019m sure some of our listeners will find it a bit ironic that we\u2019re talking about singles, here on Valentine\u2019s Day; but there are some singles, who are probably listening on Valentine\u2019s Day, and don\u2019t have any plans for tonight. We ought to talk about that; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We are really <em>for<\/em> single people. We have a number of single staff members, here at FamilyLife, who work here. It\u2019s too bad, Bob; but we used to host a singles conference, not on Valentine\u2019s weekend, but on Thanksgiving weekend. We had 400 to 500 single people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014from around the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; Keystone, Colorado. We called it The Keystone Caper. Chuck Swindoll spoke, Bill Bright, Josh McDowell\u2014a number of Christian leaders\u2014Elisabeth Elliott.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Any marriages come out of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think several marriages came out of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not trying to fix people up at that point; but we do want to honor where God has them, and want them to know that God has a plan for their life, and they\u2019re loved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, last fall, we had the opportunity\u2014you and I were together out in Colorado Springs, meeting with a group of blended family leaders. In that context, at a two-day event designed to help equip them to more effectively minister to blended couples and to stepfamilies in their local churches, we also talked about the needs of singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLisa Anderson, who works at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, who\u2019s written a book called <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>, spoke about how churches can more effectively minister to singles in their congregation. When she was done, Ron Deal, who gives leadership to our blended family initiative, here at FamilyLife\u2014Ron and I had the opportunity to do some Q&amp;A with Lisa, and talk with her about her message, and talk about how it really does connect with what\u2019s going on with blended families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s right, Bob. She was a great speaker, but I really enjoyed your Q&amp;A that you had with her. Both you and Ron asked her some pretty gritty questions, as a single woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I love the fact that the starting place for you on this subject is how people are thriving, spiritually, apart from their relationships\u2014that\u2019s true, whether it\u2019s blended families; it\u2019s true whether it\u2019s first marriages; it\u2019s true of singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If that foundation is not in place \/ if you\u2019re trying to build healthy relationships on weak spiritual foundation, you\u2019re going to have relationship problems; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes. Well, honestly\u2014I mean, I tell people this: \u201cThat if we don\u2019t start with the gospel\u2014and start with an understanding of who God has created us to be and what our eternal destination is\u2014everything I have to talk about is just tips and tactics. You could go onto Yahoo.com, or iVillage, or whatever and get all of that; but it is the transformational power of the gospel that grows us, that encourages us, that gives us a hope to even move forward. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The summit on stepfamily ministries. Why did you want somebody here talking about singleness?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, because we\u2019re spending some time focusing, this year, on pre-stepfamily preparation and helping people think. We had to back all the way up to dating. We said: \u201cYou know what? We really need to spend some time thinking through dating and helping people date well and the process there. What\u2019s going on with singles?\u201dWho, better than Lisa, to give us a pulse on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Lisa, you\u2019ve had dates; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>One or two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. [Laughter] If somebody comes to you and says: \u201cI have the perfect guy. I want to introduce you,\u201d and you find out that person has been previously married, does that change the way you think about what that date might be like, versus, \u201cHe\u2019s 42 and he\u2019s never been married\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; it could. I think, either way, I do reconnaissance on the frontend. You know, I always joke\u2014I tell people, when I was in junior high, I was told by a well-meaning youth group leader to write down my 50-point list of qualities I wanted in a future mate, tape it on my mirror, and pray about it every day, and that\u2019s what God was going to do deliver me. I did that, and He did not deliver.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I tell people: \u201cNow, your list needs to be short, but it needs to be legit. It needs to have important\u2014you know: \u2018Is this person a solid follower\/disciple of Jesus Christ, who\u2019s growing in their faith, who is humble and teachable, who is in a position to marry?\u2019\u201d I think that\u2019s the reconnaissance piece that I would do: \u201cWhat\u2019s this guy\u2019s story? Where is he? How far has this been? What are the circumstances surrounding the divorce or whatever?\u201d\u2014I would use. If this guy has a solid group of men around him\u2014that can vouch for him and speak to that\u2014that says a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if a guy asks you out, and you don\u2019t know much about him, do you say, \u201cYes,\u201d and then do reconnaissance; or do you say: \u201cGive me a couple days. I\u2019ll get back to you\u201d? What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>My answer to this has changed about 20 times in the last 5 years. At this point, my current answer is, \u201cYes; I can do coffee with anyone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a guy ask me out in WalMart. I could have probably gone to coffee with him; but I just panicked and I was all freaking out, because he was really smooth. He was like, \u201cCan you help me find a card for my mom?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOf course, I\u2019ll help you find a card for your mom, you precious man. [Laughter]Do you want me to get flowers and a time-share for her too?\u201d I mean, I just thought it was so cute of him. And then he was like, \u201cWell, hey, do you want to grab dinner?\u201d I was like, \u201cThat is so smooth.\u201d I do this full-time, and I wasn\u2019t prepared for that. [Laughter]So I just panicked\u2014I panicked and fled; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you could do coffee. I don\u2019t think we need to sit there and be like, \u201cDo they agree with the five points of Calvinism?\u201d and start going into weird doctrinal stuff before we can do coffee; but I would say, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not just going to go out trolling bars, either, to find someone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ron, if somebody is like Lisa, and she gets asked out by a guy who\u2019s been previously married \/ has two kids\u2014she doesn\u2019t know a lot about him\u2014she\u2019s wondering, \u201cIs it safe or not?\u201d\u2014how would you counsel her? What kinds of questions should she be asking? What kind of recon-work should she be doing? What would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I really like what she said so far. I mean, engage in dialogue in the beginning; but if you date again, and again, and again, then you get more and more intentional about life, and circumstances, and history, and what\u2019s happening now, and watching\u2014you know, watching their relationship with their children \/ watching their relationship with their ex\u2014and taking that in and being objective about it; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I think the biggest thing that people do is\u2014they blindfold <em>themselves<\/em> to those things when they look at it and go: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, it\u2019s not that big of a deal. It\u2019ll be okay,\u201d and just minimize something that\u2014you know, if you asked a hundred people in the mall, \u201cWhat would you think about this?\u201d \u201cWell, I would think that might be problematic.\u201d So just try not to be blinded by your own love and romance. But the further the relationship goes, the more intentional you get. The point is\u2014make observations: watch, look, listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Well, and to that point, I just want to say one other thing about dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>This is why I\u2019m so passionate about needing to have other eyes on your relationship, because I have been in this space. I do a talk that\u2019s called \u201cFive Reasons Your Love Life\u2019s a Disaster \/ Doesn\u2019t Exist\u201d\u2014it\u2019s a chapter in my book\u2014because, when I start dating\u2014and those of you that have done the Myers-Briggs, I\u2019m an EMTP. My \u201cT\u201d is off the charts; I\u2019m a thinker extraordinaire. I thought that meant that I would be super rational about relationships and <em>no one<\/em> would be able to get anything past me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; I am <em>crazy<\/em> when I get into relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have dated guys\u2014I had to sit with my friends, who were trying to do a full-on intervention with me about this guy. I\u2019m defending him up and down, because I just thought, \u201cOh, you know, you just don\u2019t understand him,\u201d or \u201cYou just don\u2019t\u2014if you only knew him the way I knew him.\u201d\u00a0 My friends have been in this space, too, who\u2014they get to a certain point with a guy\u2014they\u2019ve shut out all their friends \/ they\u2019ve shut out their mentors\u2014get so into this guy\u2014they\u2019re like saying they love him. By the time they let some other people in, it\u2019s like this guy could be <em>Satan<\/em> and they\u2019re not going to dump him; because they\u2019re so into him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell my single friends\u2014I say, \u201cYou pick three people in your life\u2014no-nonsense types\u2014who are willing to tell you what\u2019s what \/ who have biblical wisdom. You tell them that, if all of them agree that the person you\u2019re dating is a loser, you break it off, no questions asked,\u201d\u2014because we have to have\u2014we get crazy when we start dating. We have to have objectivity in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s good. [Applause] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if coffee goes okay, and dinner goes okay, and now he calls and says, \u201cHey, I have tickets for a show,\u201d and like this is your third, \u201cYes,\u201d is there a point, where you go, \u201cIf I say, \u2018Yes,\u2019 again, I\u2019ve said more than just, \u2018I\u2019ll go out this night,\u2019\u201d\u2014how do you calibrate where that point is and what to decide?\u2014because dinner\u2019s one thing, but a fifth \u201cYes,\u201d is something else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; yes. I mean, at some point\u2014and this is why I\u2019m a big fan of, throughout a relationship, having what many people call DTRs, \u201cDefine the relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I was just going to say that very same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I think the very first DTR has to happen on the first date \/ after the first date\u2014and that is, \u201cDo you want to go out again?\u201d I mean, you don\u2019t leave people hanging in cyber-space of: \u201cLet\u2019s figure it out,\u201d or \u201cLet me call you in 12 weeks and see if you\u2019re still available.\u201d I mean, total nonsense goes on; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo say, \u201cDo you want to go out with this person?\u201d If he asks and you don\u2019t want to go out, you say: \u201cThank you so much, I appreciate that. I think you\u2019re a great person. I just don\u2019t see us being a great fit,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not interested in dating you anymore.\u201d Let him go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, if you\u2019re in date five and it\u2019s going well, at some point\u2014and I don\u2019t want to say it\u2019s after date five or whatever\u2014and encourage you all to encourage the men in relationships to lead on this front. I think guys could really win if they started leading here\u2014at some point, you need to determine: \u201cIs this moving towards exclusivity? I mean, where do we stand? What does this look like?\u201d Always ask for the other person\u2019s feelings on the matter, because I remember I had\u2014it was a second date, folks \/ a second date with a guy\u2014and he had a PowerPoint presentation for me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014about the relationship? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>\u2014yes; about our potential\u2014yes! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had a\u2014this is in my era of too many chances, where I\u2019m giving guys a lot of chances\u2014PowerPoint presentation for me that detailed the calendar of where our relationship was going to go and on what time-table, including engagement. I knew him from church. This guy seemed, otherwise, totally legit. I\u2019m just like a deer in the headlights as he\u2019s walking through this with animations, and pivot tables, and all this. [Laughter] It was like he had picked an engagement point! I was like: \u201cDude, this is a second date. I\u2019m not really comfortable with talking about that right now.\u201d He says, \u201cOh, yes; okay; whatever,\u201d and just acted like it was totally normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember talking to my pastor about it. He was like: \u201cYes, Lisa; I\u2019m all about men leading, but they need to look behind them and see if someone\u2019s following them; okay? [Laughter] I mean, clearly, he did not do any recon on where you were in this situation,\u201d\u2014so just my point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019d also say: \u201cIf it\u2019s date 12, and he hasn\u2019t brought up, \u2018So where\u2019s this thing heading?\u2019 that should be kind of a flashing neon light too\u201d; shouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I would say, \u201cYes.\u201d I mean, you know, say you\u2019re a few months in\u2014again, you should know where this is heading. You should know his feelings on the matter. It\u2019s not like, again, showing all his cards, \u201cI feel like we\u2019re going to be married,\u201d or something; but just: \u201cI see this is going well. Let\u2019s start having other conversations. Let\u2019s maybe involve some other folks in our relationship as far as this is going.\u201d I think, \u201cYes; you need to know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the elephant in this conversation: \u201cWhere are the kids?\u201d\u2014right? Let\u2019s assume one or both people have kids. At what point does the conversation shift from just about you and me to about, \u201cWhat about this whole big family picture?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>In my workshop on pre-stepfamily preparation, I talk a lot about, \u201cCoupleness does not equal singleness,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s not the same thing. They\u2019re two different processes; right? When couples only attend to their coupleness process, and don\u2019t also attend to what\u2019s going on with children and the whole idea of us being a unit, then they totally get skewed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why, for many people, they get married and <em>then<\/em> they get slapped in the face so hard; because they never even thought about: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on over here?\u201d\u2014so, the suggestion is: \u201cDTR about the children as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talk about \u201cWhat if\u2026\u201d conversations\u2014you know, so the parent says to their child: \u201cHey, what if I were to continue to see this person again? How would you feel about that?\u201d Even before dating: \u201cHow would you feel about me dating?\u201d Now, I\u2019m dating: \u201cHow would you feel about me seeing this person on a regular basis? What was your last occasion with him? How\u2019d that go for you?\u201d You\u2019re looking for information \/ you\u2019re drawing them in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of the process. You\u2019re trying to gauge the rockets and maybe move them together and see if they even can. If children have a need that\u2019s taking you in a totally different direction, you have to slow that rocket down and attend to this, and then, also attend to that. It can be a very complicated process. I think, as the church, we need to call people to understand those two things that are going on, and help them do a better job attending to the children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If somebody has been previously married, they\u2019re thinking\u2014this is to the heart of your book\u2014they\u2019re thinking about, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s time to open this up again and maybe think about dating.\u201d Is there a way they can self-assess, \u201cI really am ready, emotionally\/spiritually, to do this again,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; you\u2019re going to love my answer: \u201cYes and no.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; you can. People around you, that you trust, help speak into that. Yes, look in the mirror and do a hard look on your pain: \u201cHow much is pain driving me towards this relationship because I just hate being alone?\u201d You have to find rest in your aloneness; otherwise, you\u2019re not in a good place to be discerning about a relationship. So \u201cYes\u201d; in that sense, you can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the \u201cNo.\u201d None of us can know what love would require of us until we get into the middle of it. A number of years ago, I went scuba-diving and had an accident and almost died; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a really bad day. Seven years later, I get back in the ocean, and have a panic attack. I was pumped, ready to go\u2014I love scuba-diving\u2014I\u2019m back in the water. As soon as I hit the water, [gasp] fear hits and it\u2019s crazy; right? I had to <em>totally<\/em> deal with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing happens in relationships, especially if you\u2019ve been burned and hurt in a relationship. You can heal, you can do divorce care \/ you can lead it, you can have come a <em>great<\/em> distance and really feel like you\u2019re in a good place\u2014others speak into that\u2014you\u2019re in a good place. And as soon as you date, and it begins to deepen, and the water looks really, really deep, and you\u2019re out in the middle of the ocean, fear can hit. You won\u2019t know until you are there\u2014I mean, that\u2019s one of the insidious aspects of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what do you do about that? Well, you deal with it! You just deal with it! You couldn\u2019t anticipate it\u2014it\u2019s alright. Now, you\u2019re there. Now, what do you do? Start breathing\u2014calm \/ slow yourself down\u2014get help from other people. My master diver came and got right here, in my face, and stared at me and said: \u201cLook at me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cSlow your breathing.\u201d We spent ten minutes on the surface of the water, just trying to figure out how to get calm. Then I was able to dive. You work through that fear, and you push yourself through. That\u2019s how you move past it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may have had friends in this situation, where they were dating\u2014all of their friends said: \u201cYou\u2019re going too fast. You\u2019re going too fast. Slow down.\u201d They come back and say, \u201cWe\u2019re engaged!\u201d You go, \u201cThis is too fast\u201d; they say, \u201cNo; it is real.\u201d They get married and then they go, \u201cWe went too fast, and now we don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You say, \u201cI told you so!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Maybe not\u2014maybe we shouldn\u2019t do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What should you do to that couple that said: \u201cYou tried to warn us. We said, \u2018No.\u201d Now, all of the stuff that you warned us about is coming true. We were clouded to it. What do we do now?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You say: \u201cWe love you, and we\u2019re here with you. Yes; live and learn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, let\u2019s just talk about what we\u2019re going to do about it.\u201d You just come alongside them\u2014just overwhelm them with love. Inside, you\u2019re going: \u201cI told you so! I told you so!\u201d but you don\u2019t say that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; I had a friend in that situation, who\u2014there were several of us, who kind of went after her with some counsel, and she didn\u2019t take it. Really, at that point then, when the ring\u2019s on the finger, we became rooters\u2014advocates for \/ supports for marriage. We didn\u2019t want to see another broken marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, in talking amongst ourselves, it was: \u201cAll we know\u2014I mean, we said what we could say. All we know is that God can do whatever He wants with this relationship. God could use this relationship to do much-needed work in either of their lives. It doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s going to be easy. They may have actually both signed up for a very hard road.\u201d They did, now, in retrospect; but it could be exactly what God uses to draw them closer to Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You said, \u201cWhen the ring\u2019s on the finger, you become rooters. Is that the engagement ring, or is that the wedding band?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I would say I was meaning the wedding band, meaning that: \u201cNow, there is a marriage that we are preserving, and protecting, and honoring, and all of that.\u201d I think\u2014I mean, there\u2019s still a certain amount of open season on engagement. I mean, I\u2019m all out to just break those things off<strong>. <\/strong>[Laughter] No; not at all! But I do believe there\u2019s still time\u2014is why I\u2019m a big fan of pre-engagement counseling\u2014because you have to get those questions answered when you still have clarity in that space.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Pre-engagement counseling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a good idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It is a good idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, once you\u2019re picking out dresses and cakes, you\u2019re not really thinking about hard questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; the train\u2019s going a hundred miles an hour at that point\u2014you\u2019re trying to say, \u201cStop!\u201d\u2014No; it\u2019s when the train is beginning to build momentum\u2014that\u2019s when we need to be pouring into people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis brings us full circle to where Lisa started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe church needs to be more involved and more active in pouring into singles\u2014in connecting them to other people and exposing them to married couples doing well and couples maybe struggling\u2014just being a family with one another, because we\u2019re <em>constantly<\/em> teaching and training through that process. Hopefully, that translates into slowing the train down\u2014having it be more led by God, and Spirit, and things that are eternal rather than things that are temporal. Everybody wins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a conversation that took place, back last fall, as I spoke with Ron Deal, who gives leadership to the blended family ministry, here at FamilyLife, and Lisa Anderson, who heads up the Boundless ministry of Focus on the Family and has written a book called <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>. We were talking about singles and single-again people and ministry in local churches\u2014and how churches can help folks who are in non-traditional family settings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Bob, I think it\u2019s a ministry that <em>must<\/em> happen today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of folks are disconnected from the church, who are single. Also, there are a lot who are blended families and stepfamilies that need to be brought into the church as well. In fact, I think it\u2019s a point of evangelism to be able to share Christ with those in blended families. It\u2019s why I\u2019m excited about the live-stream event we\u2019re going to do next April, where we are going to minister to blended families\/stepfamilies about how they can thrive in the local church and make their marriages and families go the distance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; this is a <em>free<\/em> event. It\u2019s going to be held in local churches. It can be live-streamed in your home if you want to. It\u2019s on Saturday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. If you\u2019d like more information about how your church can host an event, or how you can tune in to view the Blended &amp; Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day live event, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, you can also order a copy of Lisa Anderson\u2019s excellent book, called <em>The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Order from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA quick reminder for those husbands, who are listening, where it\u2019s not yet registered that today is Valentine\u2019s Day. Before you get home tonight, you might want to think about something you could do to acknowledge your love for your wife so you don\u2019t forget it. This is a good day to express love to one another in a marriage relationship. Here, at FamilyLife, we believe that love ought to be expressed regularly in marriage. In fact, the covenant that we made with one another when we were first married is a covenant that ought to be renewed and revitalized, regularly, in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, here, with this daily radio program is to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and for families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to see every home become a godly home. We\u2019re grateful for those of you, who don\u2019t just support us in that mission\u2014you really partner with us and make the work of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible. In fact, when couples are being reached with God\u2019s plan for building a stronger marriage, you\u2019re the ones who are making that happen as you support this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s devotional book for couples called <em>Moments with You<\/em>. It is 365 daily devotions that you can read throughout the year. It\u2019s a way to keep your marriage focused on God and His Word\u2014keep you praying together, as a couple, and keep you pursuing oneness in your marriage. <em>Moments with You<\/em> is our gift to you when you go online and make a donation at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make your donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also mail your donation and request the daily devotional when you write to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to introduce you to a couple that <em>Ebony<\/em> magazine called \u201cone of the coolest black couples in America.\u201d They have created a new video on blended families. We\u2019ll let you meet Lamar and Ronnie Tyler tomorrow, and we\u2019ll hear about the work that they\u2019re doing. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.61M"],"filesize_raw":["29997065"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304382.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304382.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Anderson reveals what it's like being a Christian single woman trying to date in this culture. Ron Deal gives advice to those who have been previously married and are ready to date again.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Are you a single person who would like to maybe someday be in a relationship? Lisa Anderson says, if that\u2019s the case, you have to be ready at all times for whatever comes your way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I had a guy ask me out in WalMart<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I could have probably gone to coffee with him; but I just panicked and I was all freaking out, because he was really smooth. He was like, \u201cCan you help me find a card for my mom?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOf course, I\u2019ll help you find a card for your mom, you precious man. [Laughter] Do you want me to get flowers and a time-share for her too?\u201d I mean, I just thought it was so cute of him. And then he was like, \u201cWell, hey, do you want to grab dinner?\u201d I was like, \u201cThat is so smooth.\u201d I do this full-time, and I wasn\u2019t prepared for that. [Laughter] So I just panicked\u2014I panicked and fled; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 14t<sup>h<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How can singles make themselves ready for a relationship that has yet to happen? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk with Lisa Anderson about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. I\u2019m sure some of our listeners will find it a bit ironic that we\u2019re talking about singles, here on Valentine\u2019s Day; but there are some singles, who are probably listening on Valentine\u2019s Day, and don\u2019t have any plans for tonight. We ought to talk about that; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We are really <em>for<\/em> single people. We have a number of single staff members, here at FamilyLife, who work here. It\u2019s too bad, Bob; but we used to host a singles conference, not on Valentine\u2019s weekend, but on Thanksgiving weekend. We had 400 to 500 single people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014from around the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; Keystone, Colorado. We called it The Keystone Caper. Chuck Swindoll spoke, Bill Bright, Josh McDowell\u2014a number of Christian leaders\u2014Elisabeth Elliott.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Any marriages come out of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think several marriages came out of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not trying to fix people up at that point; but we do want to honor where God has them, and want them to know that God has a plan for their life, and they\u2019re loved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, last fall, we had the opportunity\u2014you and I were together out in Colorado Springs, meeting with a group of blended family leaders. In that context, at a two-day event designed to help equip them to more effectively minister to blended couples and to stepfamilies in their local churches, we also talked about the needs of singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLisa Anderson, who works at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, who\u2019s written a book called <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>, spoke about how churches can more effectively minister to singles in their congregation. When she was done, Ron Deal, who gives leadership to our blended family initiative, here at FamilyLife\u2014Ron and I had the opportunity to do some Q&amp;A with Lisa, and talk with her about her message, and talk about how it really does connect with what\u2019s going on with blended families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s right, Bob. She was a great speaker, but I really enjoyed your Q&amp;A that you had with her. Both you and Ron asked her some pretty gritty questions, as a single woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I love the fact that the starting place for you on this subject is how people are thriving, spiritually, apart from their relationships\u2014that\u2019s true, whether it\u2019s blended families; it\u2019s true whether it\u2019s first marriages; it\u2019s true of singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If that foundation is not in place \/ if you\u2019re trying to build healthy relationships on weak spiritual foundation, you\u2019re going to have relationship problems; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes. Well, honestly\u2014I mean, I tell people this: \u201cThat if we don\u2019t start with the gospel\u2014and start with an understanding of who God has created us to be and what our eternal destination is\u2014everything I have to talk about is just tips and tactics. You could go onto Yahoo.com, or iVillage, or whatever and get all of that; but it is the transformational power of the gospel that grows us, that encourages us, that gives us a hope to even move forward. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The summit on stepfamily ministries. Why did you want somebody here talking about singleness?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, because we\u2019re spending some time focusing, this year, on pre-stepfamily preparation and helping people think. We had to back all the way up to dating. We said: \u201cYou know what? We really need to spend some time thinking through dating and helping people date well and the process there. What\u2019s going on with singles?\u201dWho, better than Lisa, to give us a pulse on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Lisa, you\u2019ve had dates; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>One or two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. [Laughter] If somebody comes to you and says: \u201cI have the perfect guy. I want to introduce you,\u201d and you find out that person has been previously married, does that change the way you think about what that date might be like, versus, \u201cHe\u2019s 42 and he\u2019s never been married\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; it could. I think, either way, I do reconnaissance on the frontend. You know, I always joke\u2014I tell people, when I was in junior high, I was told by a well-meaning youth group leader to write down my 50-point list of qualities I wanted in a future mate, tape it on my mirror, and pray about it every day, and that\u2019s what God was going to do deliver me. I did that, and He did not deliver.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I tell people: \u201cNow, your list needs to be short, but it needs to be legit. It needs to have important\u2014you know: \u2018Is this person a solid follower\/disciple of Jesus Christ, who\u2019s growing in their faith, who is humble and teachable, who is in a position to marry?\u2019\u201d I think that\u2019s the reconnaissance piece that I would do: \u201cWhat\u2019s this guy\u2019s story? Where is he? How far has this been? What are the circumstances surrounding the divorce or whatever?\u201d\u2014I would use. If this guy has a solid group of men around him\u2014that can vouch for him and speak to that\u2014that says a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if a guy asks you out, and you don\u2019t know much about him, do you say, \u201cYes,\u201d and then do reconnaissance; or do you say: \u201cGive me a couple days. I\u2019ll get back to you\u201d? What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>My answer to this has changed about 20 times in the last 5 years. At this point, my current answer is, \u201cYes; I can do coffee with anyone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a guy ask me out in WalMart. I could have probably gone to coffee with him; but I just panicked and I was all freaking out, because he was really smooth. He was like, \u201cCan you help me find a card for my mom?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOf course, I\u2019ll help you find a card for your mom, you precious man. [Laughter]Do you want me to get flowers and a time-share for her too?\u201d I mean, I just thought it was so cute of him. And then he was like, \u201cWell, hey, do you want to grab dinner?\u201d I was like, \u201cThat is so smooth.\u201d I do this full-time, and I wasn\u2019t prepared for that. [Laughter]So I just panicked\u2014I panicked and fled; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you could do coffee. I don\u2019t think we need to sit there and be like, \u201cDo they agree with the five points of Calvinism?\u201d and start going into weird doctrinal stuff before we can do coffee; but I would say, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not just going to go out trolling bars, either, to find someone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ron, if somebody is like Lisa, and she gets asked out by a guy who\u2019s been previously married \/ has two kids\u2014she doesn\u2019t know a lot about him\u2014she\u2019s wondering, \u201cIs it safe or not?\u201d\u2014how would you counsel her? What kinds of questions should she be asking? What kind of recon-work should she be doing? What would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I really like what she said so far. I mean, engage in dialogue in the beginning; but if you date again, and again, and again, then you get more and more intentional about life, and circumstances, and history, and what\u2019s happening now, and watching\u2014you know, watching their relationship with their children \/ watching their relationship with their ex\u2014and taking that in and being objective about it; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I think the biggest thing that people do is\u2014they blindfold <em>themselves<\/em> to those things when they look at it and go: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, it\u2019s not that big of a deal. It\u2019ll be okay,\u201d and just minimize something that\u2014you know, if you asked a hundred people in the mall, \u201cWhat would you think about this?\u201d \u201cWell, I would think that might be problematic.\u201d So just try not to be blinded by your own love and romance. But the further the relationship goes, the more intentional you get. The point is\u2014make observations: watch, look, listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Well, and to that point, I just want to say one other thing about dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>This is why I\u2019m so passionate about needing to have other eyes on your relationship, because I have been in this space. I do a talk that\u2019s called \u201cFive Reasons Your Love Life\u2019s a Disaster \/ Doesn\u2019t Exist\u201d\u2014it\u2019s a chapter in my book\u2014because, when I start dating\u2014and those of you that have done the Myers-Briggs, I\u2019m an EMTP. My \u201cT\u201d is off the charts; I\u2019m a thinker extraordinaire. I thought that meant that I would be super rational about relationships and <em>no one<\/em> would be able to get anything past me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; I am <em>crazy<\/em> when I get into relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have dated guys\u2014I had to sit with my friends, who were trying to do a full-on intervention with me about this guy. I\u2019m defending him up and down, because I just thought, \u201cOh, you know, you just don\u2019t understand him,\u201d or \u201cYou just don\u2019t\u2014if you only knew him the way I knew him.\u201d\u00a0 My friends have been in this space, too, who\u2014they get to a certain point with a guy\u2014they\u2019ve shut out all their friends \/ they\u2019ve shut out their mentors\u2014get so into this guy\u2014they\u2019re like saying they love him. By the time they let some other people in, it\u2019s like this guy could be <em>Satan<\/em> and they\u2019re not going to dump him; because they\u2019re so into him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell my single friends\u2014I say, \u201cYou pick three people in your life\u2014no-nonsense types\u2014who are willing to tell you what\u2019s what \/ who have biblical wisdom. You tell them that, if all of them agree that the person you\u2019re dating is a loser, you break it off, no questions asked,\u201d\u2014because we have to have\u2014we get crazy when we start dating. We have to have objectivity in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s good. [Applause] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if coffee goes okay, and dinner goes okay, and now he calls and says, \u201cHey, I have tickets for a show,\u201d and like this is your third, \u201cYes,\u201d is there a point, where you go, \u201cIf I say, \u2018Yes,\u2019 again, I\u2019ve said more than just, \u2018I\u2019ll go out this night,\u2019\u201d\u2014how do you calibrate where that point is and what to decide?\u2014because dinner\u2019s one thing, but a fifth \u201cYes,\u201d is something else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; yes. I mean, at some point\u2014and this is why I\u2019m a big fan of, throughout a relationship, having what many people call DTRs, \u201cDefine the relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I was just going to say that very same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I think the very first DTR has to happen on the first date \/ after the first date\u2014and that is, \u201cDo you want to go out again?\u201d I mean, you don\u2019t leave people hanging in cyber-space of: \u201cLet\u2019s figure it out,\u201d or \u201cLet me call you in 12 weeks and see if you\u2019re still available.\u201d I mean, total nonsense goes on; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo say, \u201cDo you want to go out with this person?\u201d If he asks and you don\u2019t want to go out, you say: \u201cThank you so much, I appreciate that. I think you\u2019re a great person. I just don\u2019t see us being a great fit,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not interested in dating you anymore.\u201d Let him go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, if you\u2019re in date five and it\u2019s going well, at some point\u2014and I don\u2019t want to say it\u2019s after date five or whatever\u2014and encourage you all to encourage the men in relationships to lead on this front. I think guys could really win if they started leading here\u2014at some point, you need to determine: \u201cIs this moving towards exclusivity? I mean, where do we stand? What does this look like?\u201d Always ask for the other person\u2019s feelings on the matter, because I remember I had\u2014it was a second date, folks \/ a second date with a guy\u2014and he had a PowerPoint presentation for me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014about the relationship? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>\u2014yes; about our potential\u2014yes! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had a\u2014this is in my era of too many chances, where I\u2019m giving guys a lot of chances\u2014PowerPoint presentation for me that detailed the calendar of where our relationship was going to go and on what time-table, including engagement. I knew him from church. This guy seemed, otherwise, totally legit. I\u2019m just like a deer in the headlights as he\u2019s walking through this with animations, and pivot tables, and all this. [Laughter] It was like he had picked an engagement point! I was like: \u201cDude, this is a second date. I\u2019m not really comfortable with talking about that right now.\u201d He says, \u201cOh, yes; okay; whatever,\u201d and just acted like it was totally normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember talking to my pastor about it. He was like: \u201cYes, Lisa; I\u2019m all about men leading, but they need to look behind them and see if someone\u2019s following them; okay? [Laughter] I mean, clearly, he did not do any recon on where you were in this situation,\u201d\u2014so just my point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019d also say: \u201cIf it\u2019s date 12, and he hasn\u2019t brought up, \u2018So where\u2019s this thing heading?\u2019 that should be kind of a flashing neon light too\u201d; shouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I would say, \u201cYes.\u201d I mean, you know, say you\u2019re a few months in\u2014again, you should know where this is heading. You should know his feelings on the matter. It\u2019s not like, again, showing all his cards, \u201cI feel like we\u2019re going to be married,\u201d or something; but just: \u201cI see this is going well. Let\u2019s start having other conversations. Let\u2019s maybe involve some other folks in our relationship as far as this is going.\u201d I think, \u201cYes; you need to know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the elephant in this conversation: \u201cWhere are the kids?\u201d\u2014right? Let\u2019s assume one or both people have kids. At what point does the conversation shift from just about you and me to about, \u201cWhat about this whole big family picture?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>In my workshop on pre-stepfamily preparation, I talk a lot about, \u201cCoupleness does not equal singleness,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s not the same thing. They\u2019re two different processes; right? When couples only attend to their coupleness process, and don\u2019t also attend to what\u2019s going on with children and the whole idea of us being a unit, then they totally get skewed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why, for many people, they get married and <em>then<\/em> they get slapped in the face so hard; because they never even thought about: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on over here?\u201d\u2014so, the suggestion is: \u201cDTR about the children as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talk about \u201cWhat if\u2026\u201d conversations\u2014you know, so the parent says to their child: \u201cHey, what if I were to continue to see this person again? How would you feel about that?\u201d Even before dating: \u201cHow would you feel about me dating?\u201d Now, I\u2019m dating: \u201cHow would you feel about me seeing this person on a regular basis? What was your last occasion with him? How\u2019d that go for you?\u201d You\u2019re looking for information \/ you\u2019re drawing them in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of the process. You\u2019re trying to gauge the rockets and maybe move them together and see if they even can. If children have a need that\u2019s taking you in a totally different direction, you have to slow that rocket down and attend to this, and then, also attend to that. It can be a very complicated process. I think, as the church, we need to call people to understand those two things that are going on, and help them do a better job attending to the children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If somebody has been previously married, they\u2019re thinking\u2014this is to the heart of your book\u2014they\u2019re thinking about, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s time to open this up again and maybe think about dating.\u201d Is there a way they can self-assess, \u201cI really am ready, emotionally\/spiritually, to do this again,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; you\u2019re going to love my answer: \u201cYes and no.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; you can. People around you, that you trust, help speak into that. Yes, look in the mirror and do a hard look on your pain: \u201cHow much is pain driving me towards this relationship because I just hate being alone?\u201d You have to find rest in your aloneness; otherwise, you\u2019re not in a good place to be discerning about a relationship. So \u201cYes\u201d; in that sense, you can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the \u201cNo.\u201d None of us can know what love would require of us until we get into the middle of it. A number of years ago, I went scuba-diving and had an accident and almost died; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a really bad day. Seven years later, I get back in the ocean, and have a panic attack. I was pumped, ready to go\u2014I love scuba-diving\u2014I\u2019m back in the water. As soon as I hit the water, [gasp] fear hits and it\u2019s crazy; right? I had to <em>totally<\/em> deal with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing happens in relationships, especially if you\u2019ve been burned and hurt in a relationship. You can heal, you can do divorce care \/ you can lead it, you can have come a <em>great<\/em> distance and really feel like you\u2019re in a good place\u2014others speak into that\u2014you\u2019re in a good place. And as soon as you date, and it begins to deepen, and the water looks really, really deep, and you\u2019re out in the middle of the ocean, fear can hit. You won\u2019t know until you are there\u2014I mean, that\u2019s one of the insidious aspects of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what do you do about that? Well, you deal with it! You just deal with it! You couldn\u2019t anticipate it\u2014it\u2019s alright. Now, you\u2019re there. Now, what do you do? Start breathing\u2014calm \/ slow yourself down\u2014get help from other people. My master diver came and got right here, in my face, and stared at me and said: \u201cLook at me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cSlow your breathing.\u201d We spent ten minutes on the surface of the water, just trying to figure out how to get calm. Then I was able to dive. You work through that fear, and you push yourself through. That\u2019s how you move past it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may have had friends in this situation, where they were dating\u2014all of their friends said: \u201cYou\u2019re going too fast. You\u2019re going too fast. Slow down.\u201d They come back and say, \u201cWe\u2019re engaged!\u201d You go, \u201cThis is too fast\u201d; they say, \u201cNo; it is real.\u201d They get married and then they go, \u201cWe went too fast, and now we don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You say, \u201cI told you so!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Maybe not\u2014maybe we shouldn\u2019t do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What should you do to that couple that said: \u201cYou tried to warn us. We said, \u2018No.\u201d Now, all of the stuff that you warned us about is coming true. We were clouded to it. What do we do now?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You say: \u201cWe love you, and we\u2019re here with you. Yes; live and learn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, let\u2019s just talk about what we\u2019re going to do about it.\u201d You just come alongside them\u2014just overwhelm them with love. Inside, you\u2019re going: \u201cI told you so! I told you so!\u201d but you don\u2019t say that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; I had a friend in that situation, who\u2014there were several of us, who kind of went after her with some counsel, and she didn\u2019t take it. Really, at that point then, when the ring\u2019s on the finger, we became rooters\u2014advocates for \/ supports for marriage. We didn\u2019t want to see another broken marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, in talking amongst ourselves, it was: \u201cAll we know\u2014I mean, we said what we could say. All we know is that God can do whatever He wants with this relationship. God could use this relationship to do much-needed work in either of their lives. It doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s going to be easy. They may have actually both signed up for a very hard road.\u201d They did, now, in retrospect; but it could be exactly what God uses to draw them closer to Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You said, \u201cWhen the ring\u2019s on the finger, you become rooters. Is that the engagement ring, or is that the wedding band?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I would say I was meaning the wedding band, meaning that: \u201cNow, there is a marriage that we are preserving, and protecting, and honoring, and all of that.\u201d I think\u2014I mean, there\u2019s still a certain amount of open season on engagement. I mean, I\u2019m all out to just break those things off<strong>. <\/strong>[Laughter] No; not at all! But I do believe there\u2019s still time\u2014is why I\u2019m a big fan of pre-engagement counseling\u2014because you have to get those questions answered when you still have clarity in that space.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Pre-engagement counseling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a good idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It is a good idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, once you\u2019re picking out dresses and cakes, you\u2019re not really thinking about hard questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; the train\u2019s going a hundred miles an hour at that point\u2014you\u2019re trying to say, \u201cStop!\u201d\u2014No; it\u2019s when the train is beginning to build momentum\u2014that\u2019s when we need to be pouring into people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis brings us full circle to where Lisa started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe church needs to be more involved and more active in pouring into singles\u2014in connecting them to other people and exposing them to married couples doing well and couples maybe struggling\u2014just being a family with one another, because we\u2019re <em>constantly<\/em> teaching and training through that process. Hopefully, that translates into slowing the train down\u2014having it be more led by God, and Spirit, and things that are eternal rather than things that are temporal. Everybody wins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a conversation that took place, back last fall, as I spoke with Ron Deal, who gives leadership to the blended family ministry, here at FamilyLife, and Lisa Anderson, who heads up the Boundless ministry of Focus on the Family and has written a book called <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>. We were talking about singles and single-again people and ministry in local churches\u2014and how churches can help folks who are in non-traditional family settings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Bob, I think it\u2019s a ministry that <em>must<\/em> happen today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of folks are disconnected from the church, who are single. Also, there are a lot who are blended families and stepfamilies that need to be brought into the church as well. In fact, I think it\u2019s a point of evangelism to be able to share Christ with those in blended families. It\u2019s why I\u2019m excited about the live-stream event we\u2019re going to do next April, where we are going to minister to blended families\/stepfamilies about how they can thrive in the local church and make their marriages and families go the distance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; this is a <em>free<\/em> event. It\u2019s going to be held in local churches. It can be live-streamed in your home if you want to. It\u2019s on Saturday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. If you\u2019d like more information about how your church can host an event, or how you can tune in to view the Blended &amp; Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day live event, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, you can also order a copy of Lisa Anderson\u2019s excellent book, called <em>The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Order from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA quick reminder for those husbands, who are listening, where it\u2019s not yet registered that today is Valentine\u2019s Day. Before you get home tonight, you might want to think about something you could do to acknowledge your love for your wife so you don\u2019t forget it. This is a good day to express love to one another in a marriage relationship. Here, at FamilyLife, we believe that love ought to be expressed regularly in marriage. In fact, the covenant that we made with one another when we were first married is a covenant that ought to be renewed and revitalized, regularly, in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, here, with this daily radio program is to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and for families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to see every home become a godly home. We\u2019re grateful for those of you, who don\u2019t just support us in that mission\u2014you really partner with us and make the work of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible. In fact, when couples are being reached with God\u2019s plan for building a stronger marriage, you\u2019re the ones who are making that happen as you support this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s devotional book for couples called <em>Moments with You<\/em>. It is 365 daily devotions that you can read throughout the year. It\u2019s a way to keep your marriage focused on God and His Word\u2014keep you praying together, as a couple, and keep you pursuing oneness in your marriage. <em>Moments with You<\/em> is our gift to you when you go online and make a donation at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make your donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also mail your donation and request the daily devotional when you write to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to introduce you to a couple that <em>Ebony<\/em> magazine called \u201cone of the coolest black couples in America.\u201d They have created a new video on blended families. We\u2019ll let you meet Lamar and Ronnie Tyler tomorrow, and we\u2019ll hear about the work that they\u2019re doing. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304382"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304382"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304382"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304382"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}