{"id":304380,"date":"2017-02-13T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-02-13T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/ministering-to-singles-in-the-church\/"},"modified":"2017-02-13T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-02-13T17:00:00","slug":"ministering-to-singles-in-the-church","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ministering-to-singles-in-the-church\/","title":{"rendered":"Ministering to Singles in the Church"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lisa Anderson, author of the &#8220;Dating Manifesto,&#8221; and host of\u00a0&#8220;Boundless,&#8221; offers five things the church must do when it comes to singles.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-13.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.97M","filesize_raw":"26181104","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2867,2821],"tags":[6203,6202],"podcast_series":[8192],"cwp_profile":[3155],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304380","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-church-involvement","category-reaching-out","tag-dating-in-the-church","tag-singles-in-the-church","podcast_series-loving-singles-and-blended-families-in-your-church","cwp_profile-lisa-anderson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304380\/ministering-to-singles-in-the-church","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304380\/ministering-to-singles-in-the-church","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"8UOBqu4VhQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ministering-to-singles-in-the-church\/\">Ministering to Singles in the Church<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ministering-to-singles-in-the-church\/embed\/#?secret=8UOBqu4VhQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Ministering to Singles in the Church&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"8UOBqu4VhQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Does your church have an organized ministry for single adults? And if so, what\u2019s the focus? Lisa Anderson says, \u201cHere\u2019s what the focus ought to be\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Many people think of single adult ministries and you think: \u201cWe have to have bonfires; we have to have bowling nights; we have to have fellowship. We have to go and give them a lot of practical applications for how to live their life and how to succeed.\u201d But what we really need\u2014and, honestly, what we all need, if we just put ourselves all in this category\u2014is to understand who we are in Christ: \u201cWho is God? Who are we?\u201d If we could start there and understand that, we would be off to a great start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. I know tomorrow is Valentine\u2019s Day, and we\u2019re talking about ministering to singles today; but you can probably find a connection in there somewhere; don\u2019t you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, when I think back to 2016, one of the highlights of the year for me\u2014and I think for you as well\u2014we were together with about 350 leaders from all across the country who had gathered together for a summit to talk about ministry to couples who are blended or who are in stepfamilies and talk about how we can, as the body of Christ and in local churches, help blendeds and stepfamilies thrive and be all that God wants them to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we did that with our friends at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Jim Daly said: \u201cYes, come on out here. We had an orphan summit about a decade ago with FamilyLife. Let\u2019s do this again\u2014this time, on behalf of blended families.\u201d Bob, it was a great time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe staff at Focus on the Family did a great job. It was a privilege, together with those who have a heart for blended families; and I think they were really, really encouraged by the training and the teaching that occurred there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the things we announced that weekend was about plans for an upcoming simulcast event that we want to make sure our listeners know about. It\u2019s coming up in April. It is a Blended &amp; Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day seminar that\u2019s going to be hosted in hundreds of local churches, all across the country. It features Ron Deal and a variety of other speakers, all talking about how blended couples\/blended families can thrive in local churches. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to encourage our listeners to go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com to get more information about how your church could host one of these events or where the events are being held so that you could attend one of these events in your community. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Look for the information about the Blended &amp; Blessed summit when you go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we were meeting with these leaders in Colorado Springs, back in the fall, we had our friend, Lisa Anderson, who works at Focus on the Family, come and join us and speak to the blended leaders about another group of people in local churches who often feel like they are on the outskirts of the local church\u2014and that\u2019s all of the singles who are attending.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; Lisa Anderson is one of my favorite people. She is bubbly, energetic\u2014very smart. I think she has the pulse on one of the key needs that the church needs to address today. I think you\u2019ll agree with her by the time you hear her message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She has written a book called <em>The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose<\/em>. In this message, she talked about what churches can do to be more proactive when it comes to ministering to single adults in their congregation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I want to talk about, actually, how the church\u2014really, what the church <em>must<\/em> do when it comes to single adults. Single can apply to never married, single again, single parents\u2014you all know this \/ you occupy this space\u2014it runs the gamut. But I think we can all agree that, generally, churches are not programmed for singles. They\u2019re programmed for families, for the most part. You can kind of pick and choose your little pieces to what applies to you, but not so much for single adults. I\u2019m just going to kick through these really quickly for you\u2014what I really feel are a few things that the church absolutely must do for single adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is a little weird, and it seems kind of obvious. I\u2019m going to start off with it because I think it\u2019s super important, and it\u2019s often overlooked. That is that the church has to preach and apply the gospel. Many people think of single adult ministries and you think: \u201cWe have to have bonfires; we have to have bowling nights; we have to have fellowship. We have to go and give them a lot of practical applications for how to live their life and how to succeed.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what we really need\u2014and, honestly, what we all need, if we just put ourselves all in this category\u2014is to understand who we are in Christ: \u201cWho is God? Who are we?\u201d If we can start there and understand that, we would be off to a great start. To understand that God is truly sovereign and truly good is something we struggle with every day. Satan is constantly lying to us about this. The way it plays out for single adults is: \u201cI\u2019m not enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not good enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m destined to be rejected,\u201d \u201cNo one wants me\u2014I have too many problems.\u201d It just plays out in so many different ways and has in my own life. If we could solve the problem of identity in the church, we would probably solve about 85 percent of the things that end up being these skirmishes, and kerfuffles, and problems; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; I talk a lot about dating \/ single adults. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you see singles in your church\u2014and someone\u2019s mad because \u201cShe\u2019s dating him,\u201d and \u201cHe said that he was going to date her,\u201d\u2014what does this look like? Everyone\u2019s clamoring for attention\u2014clamoring for being understood \/ being validated. It is because we do not believe that God is who He is and that we are who He says we are\u2014identity. We have to get back to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and how it applies to our life, and how it is the foundation for everything that we are, and how we apply that to daily experiences and the choices that we\u2019re making.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing we have to do is provide space for fellowship and community within our churches. This is\u2014you know, I have a love\/hate relationship with singles groups. I have been in many\u2014I\u2019ve been in small ones \/ I\u2019ve been in big ones\u2014it\u2019s run the gamut, for sure. The idea of them is necessary\u2014you have to have single adults who feel like they have a tribe. Many singles\u2014or folks who are single again\u2014are in a church or in a community because they\u2019ve had to move there for a job or for some kind of experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany of them are alone\u2014they don\u2019t know people. You need people, as a single person, who are going to be that chicken soup for you when you\u2019re sick. They\u2019re going to be your ride to the airport. They\u2019re going to kind of have your back. They\u2019re going to be the people you socialize with. We have to create that space for them so that they can have their own little tribe \/ their own little space within the church. It\u2019s necessary. What we don\u2019t want to do is make it only about them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat said, one of the other things we have to do is provide those opportunities for cross-pollination \/ inter-generational ministry\u2014multi-life stage ministry. Single adults <em>need<\/em> mentorship and accountability. We have to start enfolding them\u2014me\u2014into your life. What better place to do that than to have married couples\u2014who are boots on the ground, within the church, modeling great\u2014and by great I mean <em>realistic<\/em> and healthy\u2014marriages to people who ultimately want to get there? For single adults, that\u2019s about \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t90 percent of the population\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201490 to 93 percent of single adults want to be married or married again at some point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo this whole idea\u2014even though for the first time in U.S. history, we are a majority\u2014single\u2014in our country\u2014I\u2019m not sure if everyone knows that. It is true: \u201cPower to the single people. We are now a majority.\u201d Most don\u2019t want to be in that space \/ most don\u2019t want to occupy that space, long-term. So what does that look like?\u2014for us to acknowledge that and say: \u201cOkay. What does it look like for married couples and others\u2014older folks in the church\u2014to enfold their single adults and single parent families into their lives?\u201d That means: \u201cWhat does it mean for you to speak into the life of their kids?\u2014for you to invite them over, not just on holidays, but on any given Sunday? As you\u2019re walking through life, what does that look like?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAccountability\u2014we have to have people in our lives\u2014who are up in our grill\u2014telling us what\u2019s what. As a single person, it\u2019s extremely easy for me to leave church on a Sunday, go home, and do whatever I want to do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014listen to people sometimes; maybe not listen to people other times \/ take some great advice; reject advice. I don\u2019t have someone in my face all the time telling me what\u2019s what. We have to have accountability\/mentorship within the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe flip side of that is: \u201cWhat does it look like for us to have a sense of protection within the church?\u201d\u2014especially for those single women \/ those single moms. I mean, this can mean anything from protection from the kind of sketchy, predatory guys that are going through the singles groups and all of that to also just looking out for the needs of them. You know, when it comes to\u2014I had, a few years ago, where my fence at home got busted down. It made me realize I\u2019m the only person in the world that has to care about this fence. I do not have a husband that cares about this fence. Do I go to Lowe\u2019s? Are there fence people at Lowe\u2019s? Do I talk to a neighbor? How do I figure out how to fix this fence? I did not know\u2014I had to figure that out for myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to speak into that space and put your arm around the shoulder of a single mom \/ a single woman in your church is absolutely critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we also need to\u2014you know, in the sense of protection, we talk about protecting marriages a lot and what that looks like. That\u2019s absolutely necessary, but dysfunctional marriages tend to start with dysfunctional singles. Once we start growing and maturing the single adults in our church\u2014I talk a lot with 20-somethings\/30-somethings in my role\u2014but moving throughout the continuum\u2014as someone who has walked through a divorce: \u201cAre we ensuring that they are growing spiritually through that? Are we ensuring that they are getting access to some great counseling if they need that? Are we ensuring that they\u2019re not jumping into another relationship in three weeks after their relationship ends? What does it look like for us to have a protective arm around them in that sense?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we also need to\u2014and this is kind of a weird thing that I talk about a lot\u2014one other thing the church really needs to do is honor both singleness and marriage. You\u2019ll hear people here\u2014I talk about my own boss, Greg Smalley, uses this a lot\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHebrew 13:4 \/ that marriage is to be honored by all\u2014that includes single people. Like I said\u2014this is whether or not you are in a relationship and moving towards marriage, or this is whether you are committed to celibate service and choose to never marry again. We are called to honor marriage, and what does it look like in that space? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think too often we talk about marriage either as if it\u2019s like the flu \/ it hits you like the flu\u2014I mean, I\u2019ve had some of the worst messages about marriage from people in the church, who are like\u2014again, you get all the crazy platitudes, like, \u201cLisa, just be glad that you\u2019re single instead of in a bad marriage.\u201d Okay; well obviously! Or you get the whole: \u201cJust go on another mission trip. If you just go on another mission trip, you\u2019re going to forget all about marriage. Don\u2019t worry about it,\u201d or \u201cI wish I could be in your space; because you have this great job, and you travel, and you do this and you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAnd you know, in your free time, could you lead our AWANA program?\u2014because I\u2019m sure you have tons of it [time].\u201d So, it runs the gamut. We all need understanding of one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what does it look like to honor singleness without making it appear that single people\u2014single parents \/ single others\u2014are these super saints? Let\u2019s not be super singles. I think, in the church, it\u2019s like we\u2019re so concerned about offending single people that we don\u2019t say anything at all. We\u2019re like: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want to tread into any weird spaces. I\u2019m just going to act like that\u2019s totally legit; and whatever they\u2019re doing, I don\u2019t want to speak in. I\u2019m certainly not going to address their love life, because that\u2019s awkward.\u201d So we choose not to say anything at all. But on the flip side of that, we don\u2019t want to completely ignore the fact that many of them do want to be married and they want to be in that space. So honoring both of that is super helpful to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s funny, because\u2014you know, I had a friend who had a church out on the east coast. She sent me an email of something that was in her church bulletin, and it was for Valentine\u2019s Day. Of course, you know, churches do a lot of Valentine\u2019s Day activities. Of course, they came up with one for the singles. The slogan for it, or the call to action in the bulletin, was, \u201cSingles, come and date Jesus.\u201d [Laughter] Okay\u2014Jesus is the best; okay? He is my number one\u2014He should be all of our priorities. But Jesus has never bought me flowers; okay? Jesus has never taken me to my favorite restaurant. So this concept of \u201cLet\u2019s, as singles, just all be dating Jesus,\u201d it\u2019s a little bit tricky. It\u2019s a little bit questionable as far as treading into that space. When you talk to your single adults, what does that look like? It\u2019s a hard space to be in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen it was crazy\u2014because she showed me\u2014and then further, underneath the fine print was, \u201cOh, and single parents, you\u2019re going to have to pick your kids up halfway through the program; because we were only able to get childcare for part of the program.\u201d That\u2019s really encouraging and validating! So now, you\u2019re out here on Valentine\u2019s Day, dating Jesus, but your kids\u2014they have to be picked up halfway through\u2014so kind of problematic with the church marketing team on that front. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnyway, to both honor singleness and marriage is a tough space to walk in; but those who can do it well recognize that\u2014as the family of God and as brothers and sisters in Christ\u2014we have the privilege of honoring one another, and supporting one another, and encouraging one another in whatever stage of life we\u2019re in. Again, I tell this to my married friends\u2014I\u2019m like: \u201cYes! Jesus needs to be my number one, but He needs to be your number one too; okay?\u2014because singleness is not a waiting room for marriage. You\u2019re not going to enter marriage and all your problems are going to be solved and you\u2019re going to find Tom Cruz and he\u2019s going to complete you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I have to say this to single people all the time\u2014but a lot of times, as marrieds, you all out there want to kind of give some false hope to our single people, even saying to someone who\u2019s been through a broken relationship or a husband\/wife walked out on them: \u201cDon\u2019t worry. You know, you\u2019re going to find someone else. You\u2019re going to get married again.\u201d We don\u2019t know that \/ we don\u2019t know that they\u2019re going to\u2014so we can\u2019t promise that to them\u2014but we can promise them that God truly is going to be there with them and that you, hopefully, can as well, as you\u2019re going to help them walk through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, finally, and hopefully this is a little bit hopeful and challenging for you all, I would love to see the church get back into the business of helping make good matches. I don\u2019t know when we decided that this is for us to abdicate this responsibility; but it\u2019s become the case where, like I said before, we don\u2019t want to make any of our single people feel bad. We\u2019re like: \u201cLet\u2019s not even address it. Let\u2019s go through another book study. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLet\u2019s go do a service project. Let\u2019s go\u2026\u201d\u2014but heaven forbid we should talk at all about dating or about moving towards marriage. It\u2019s really doing a disservice to the single folks within our church, because it\u2019s very\u2014I mean, \u201cWhere better?\u201d This is where, a few generations ago, this used to be the norm, and still is to some extent, within places like, say, the Indian community \/ the Jewish community, where families are helping their people move towards relationships in a godly, biblical, intentional way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve gotten to the point, because the church has abdicated, we\u2019re just leaving singles up to their own devices. They\u2019re out online, and they\u2019re on Tinder, and they\u2019re doing speed-dating, and they\u2019re in bars\u2014I\u2019m talking about Christians as well\u2014this is the same space that they\u2019re occupying. So what does it look like for us to step into that space? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it looks like, first off, like I said before, stepping into their life as mentors and being: \u201cWhat are you about? What\u2019s going on here?\u201d It means, maybe, asking them some tough and challenging questions. It maybe means setting some people up. Just so you don\u2019t feel like\u2014you know, some of you are just like a collective groan\u2014\u201cUh seriously, I have tried that; and it did not work out!\u201d I always go after my single friends and I say: \u201cIf you\u2019re not willing to be set up, you are cheating yourself; because who better to help you move towards marriage and to find someone who\u2019s a great fit for you than the people who know and love you best? Wouldn\u2019t it be best to have this space happen within the church itself\u2014within the context of worshipping, and serving, and growing, and being accountable to one another?\u201d That\u2019s what the church needs to be doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo married folks, and empty-nesters, and boomers, and everyone else who\u2019s here, this is where you\u2019re so needed. I talk to my single friends and I say: \u201cGo out there, and show up, and plug in, and get involved, and make your needs known. Don\u2019t be ashamed to say that you want to get married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey say: \u201cLisa, I\u2019m doing that, but the folks in my church are turning me down. They\u2019re saying they don\u2019t have time for me, or they don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> what to do, or they don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d I\u2019m saying: \u201cLet\u2019s step into this space. Let\u2019s <em>encourage<\/em> them and recognize that more\u2014it\u2019s about 86\/87 percent of the world will be married at least once in their lifetime. Like I said, well over 90 percent wants a healthy relationship. In the Christian space, that number\u2019s even higher\u2014wants a healthy relationship \/ wants to be married. Let\u2019s help them get there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s a weird space to be in when we look at addressing singleness within the church. I mentioned this\u2014you know, we feel so awkward about it. I, too, I never thought I would be single this long. I\u2019m now over 40\u2014I mean: \u201cWhat in the world?\u201d My mom, bless her heart, moved in with me six months ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s 87 years old. She has moderate dementia. She believes she knows why I\u2019m still single\u2014she shares with me reasons most days. [Laughter] You know, for my mom, it was so easy\u2014she met my dad, stalked him at a few basketball games, went to a senior banquet, and got married. They met in seminary in the \u201950s. She\u2019s like: \u201cLisa, this is very easy. I don\u2019t know what your problem is!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like: \u201cMom, it is not like that anymore. This is much more difficult.\u201d She\u2019s just like, \u201cPfff,\u201d\u2014she just thinks I have this line of men ready to propose to me, and I\u2019m just turning them all down. I\u2019m like: \u201cMom, it is a rough place to be. We are seeing brokenness. We are seeing fractured relationships. We are seeing people that have taken on\u2014in unprecedented numbers\u2014a background of fatherlessness, and not even growing up with a role model in this generation \/ not even understanding or seeing good marriages around them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would encourage all of you to step into that space boldly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind the singles\u2014the single parents \/ those who are single again\u2014within your churches. Put your arm around them. Help find other people who will step into their sphere. Do not let them wallow in their own brokenness, in their own sinful attitudes, in their own bitterness and griping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have an entire chapter on grieving singleness in my book; because I think that\u2019s something, too, that\u2019s unspoken. There are a lot of griefs around being single, whether you are single, never married, or single again. We have to be willing to acknowledge that and be willing to go to the Father\u2014pour out our complaint, as the Psalmist says, and move forward. The person, not to pour out your complaint to, is the person that you want to be dating; okay?\u2014because then you\u2019re crazy; okay? I have been that person\u2014that is crazy and caddy, and it\u2019s not going to get you anywhere. But God Himself is big enough to handle it and, actually, has the power to do something about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, we\u2019ve been listening today to Lisa Anderson talking about how churches can more effectively minister to singles in a local church congregation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is part of what it means to be the body of Christ; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is. If you want to minister to a single person, invite them over for lunch after church next Sunday\u2014a lot of singles long to be near families. They\u2019re away from their own, because they\u2019ve had to move because of job opportunities. If you want to really encourage them, invite them to be a part of your family and just honor them as members of the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. We actually did that. Mary Ann said, \u201cWe ought to invite this young man, who goes to our church, over for dinner on Sunday night.\u201d We did that this week and had a great time with him. I think it\u2019s a part of serving one another. It was as much of a blessing for us to have him over as I hope it was for him coming over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Bob, I think hospitality in this high-tech, low-touch world of ours is really in need of being revived. If anyone ought to be able to do it and offer community, it ought to be followers of Christ\u2014people in the church, who have a love of Christ and are supposed to be reaching out to others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Lisa mentioned her book, <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>. We do have that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I would encourage singles: \u201cGet a copy and read Lisa Anderson\u2019s <em>The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll also find information on our website about the upcoming Blended &amp; Blessed free one-day live event \/ live stream that we\u2019re going to be doing for stepfamily couples, single parents, dating couples with kids\u2014anybody who cares about blended families. It\u2019s all happening April 29<sup>th<\/sup>, and information is online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow is Valentine\u2019s Day. If you are looking for a playlist\u2014something to have a little romantic music for your Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014we have a Spotify<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> playlist available. It\u2019s on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you follow us on Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, you\u2019ll find a link to the playlist there. If you\u2019re not following us on Facebook or Twitter, you ought to go ahead and \u201cLike\u201d us and add us to the list of people and organizations you follow. Stay up-to-date with what\u2019s going on, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you\u2019d like a romantic musical playlist that has been curated by our staff, here at FamilyLife, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You can stream the Spotify playlist. Or send the link to your sweetheart; and both of you can be listening, in separate locations, as you prepare for your romantic date night together tomorrow night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been listening to this program and you\u2019re single, I\u2019d just recommend you stay away from that playlist altogether. You don\u2019t want anything to do with it\u2014it\u2019ll just make you feel sad and lonely, and we don\u2019t want to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want you to have a nice Valentine\u2019s Day. Who knows? Maybe you\u2019ll meet somebody in the WalMart<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> aisle. In fact, tomorrow, Lisa Anderson shares a story about a guy who asked her out on a date when they were shopping for cards together\u2014well, they weren\u2019t together\u2014they were shopping for cards at a WalMart. He asked her out for\u2014you\u2019ll hear the story tomorrow when you tune in to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow, on Valentine\u2019s Day, for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.97M"],"filesize_raw":["26181104"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304380.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304380.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Anderson, author of the \"Dating Manifesto,\" and host of\u00a0\"Boundless,\" offers five things the church must do when it comes to singles.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-02-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Does your church have an organized ministry for single adults? And if so, what\u2019s the focus? Lisa Anderson says, \u201cHere\u2019s what the focus ought to be\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Many people think of single adult ministries and you think: \u201cWe have to have bonfires; we have to have bowling nights; we have to have fellowship. We have to go and give them a lot of practical applications for how to live their life and how to succeed.\u201d But what we really need\u2014and, honestly, what we all need, if we just put ourselves all in this category\u2014is to understand who we are in Christ: \u201cWho is God? Who are we?\u201d If we could start there and understand that, we would be off to a great start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. I know tomorrow is Valentine\u2019s Day, and we\u2019re talking about ministering to singles today; but you can probably find a connection in there somewhere; don\u2019t you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, when I think back to 2016, one of the highlights of the year for me\u2014and I think for you as well\u2014we were together with about 350 leaders from all across the country who had gathered together for a summit to talk about ministry to couples who are blended or who are in stepfamilies and talk about how we can, as the body of Christ and in local churches, help blendeds and stepfamilies thrive and be all that God wants them to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we did that with our friends at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Jim Daly said: \u201cYes, come on out here. We had an orphan summit about a decade ago with FamilyLife. Let\u2019s do this again\u2014this time, on behalf of blended families.\u201d Bob, it was a great time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe staff at Focus on the Family did a great job. It was a privilege, together with those who have a heart for blended families; and I think they were really, really encouraged by the training and the teaching that occurred there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the things we announced that weekend was about plans for an upcoming simulcast event that we want to make sure our listeners know about. It\u2019s coming up in April. It is a Blended &amp; Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day seminar that\u2019s going to be hosted in hundreds of local churches, all across the country. It features Ron Deal and a variety of other speakers, all talking about how blended couples\/blended families can thrive in local churches. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to encourage our listeners to go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com to get more information about how your church could host one of these events or where the events are being held so that you could attend one of these events in your community. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Look for the information about the Blended &amp; Blessed summit when you go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we were meeting with these leaders in Colorado Springs, back in the fall, we had our friend, Lisa Anderson, who works at Focus on the Family, come and join us and speak to the blended leaders about another group of people in local churches who often feel like they are on the outskirts of the local church\u2014and that\u2019s all of the singles who are attending.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; Lisa Anderson is one of my favorite people. She is bubbly, energetic\u2014very smart. I think she has the pulse on one of the key needs that the church needs to address today. I think you\u2019ll agree with her by the time you hear her message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She has written a book called <em>The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose<\/em>. In this message, she talked about what churches can do to be more proactive when it comes to ministering to single adults in their congregation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I want to talk about, actually, how the church\u2014really, what the church <em>must<\/em> do when it comes to single adults. Single can apply to never married, single again, single parents\u2014you all know this \/ you occupy this space\u2014it runs the gamut. But I think we can all agree that, generally, churches are not programmed for singles. They\u2019re programmed for families, for the most part. You can kind of pick and choose your little pieces to what applies to you, but not so much for single adults. I\u2019m just going to kick through these really quickly for you\u2014what I really feel are a few things that the church absolutely must do for single adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is a little weird, and it seems kind of obvious. I\u2019m going to start off with it because I think it\u2019s super important, and it\u2019s often overlooked. That is that the church has to preach and apply the gospel. Many people think of single adult ministries and you think: \u201cWe have to have bonfires; we have to have bowling nights; we have to have fellowship. We have to go and give them a lot of practical applications for how to live their life and how to succeed.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what we really need\u2014and, honestly, what we all need, if we just put ourselves all in this category\u2014is to understand who we are in Christ: \u201cWho is God? Who are we?\u201d If we can start there and understand that, we would be off to a great start. To understand that God is truly sovereign and truly good is something we struggle with every day. Satan is constantly lying to us about this. The way it plays out for single adults is: \u201cI\u2019m not enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not good enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m destined to be rejected,\u201d \u201cNo one wants me\u2014I have too many problems.\u201d It just plays out in so many different ways and has in my own life. If we could solve the problem of identity in the church, we would probably solve about 85 percent of the things that end up being these skirmishes, and kerfuffles, and problems; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; I talk a lot about dating \/ single adults. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you see singles in your church\u2014and someone\u2019s mad because \u201cShe\u2019s dating him,\u201d and \u201cHe said that he was going to date her,\u201d\u2014what does this look like? Everyone\u2019s clamoring for attention\u2014clamoring for being understood \/ being validated. It is because we do not believe that God is who He is and that we are who He says we are\u2014identity. We have to get back to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and how it applies to our life, and how it is the foundation for everything that we are, and how we apply that to daily experiences and the choices that we\u2019re making.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing we have to do is provide space for fellowship and community within our churches. This is\u2014you know, I have a love\/hate relationship with singles groups. I have been in many\u2014I\u2019ve been in small ones \/ I\u2019ve been in big ones\u2014it\u2019s run the gamut, for sure. The idea of them is necessary\u2014you have to have single adults who feel like they have a tribe. Many singles\u2014or folks who are single again\u2014are in a church or in a community because they\u2019ve had to move there for a job or for some kind of experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany of them are alone\u2014they don\u2019t know people. You need people, as a single person, who are going to be that chicken soup for you when you\u2019re sick. They\u2019re going to be your ride to the airport. They\u2019re going to kind of have your back. They\u2019re going to be the people you socialize with. We have to create that space for them so that they can have their own little tribe \/ their own little space within the church. It\u2019s necessary. What we don\u2019t want to do is make it only about them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat said, one of the other things we have to do is provide those opportunities for cross-pollination \/ inter-generational ministry\u2014multi-life stage ministry. Single adults <em>need<\/em> mentorship and accountability. We have to start enfolding them\u2014me\u2014into your life. What better place to do that than to have married couples\u2014who are boots on the ground, within the church, modeling great\u2014and by great I mean <em>realistic<\/em> and healthy\u2014marriages to people who ultimately want to get there? For single adults, that\u2019s about \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t90 percent of the population\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201490 to 93 percent of single adults want to be married or married again at some point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo this whole idea\u2014even though for the first time in U.S. history, we are a majority\u2014single\u2014in our country\u2014I\u2019m not sure if everyone knows that. It is true: \u201cPower to the single people. We are now a majority.\u201d Most don\u2019t want to be in that space \/ most don\u2019t want to occupy that space, long-term. So what does that look like?\u2014for us to acknowledge that and say: \u201cOkay. What does it look like for married couples and others\u2014older folks in the church\u2014to enfold their single adults and single parent families into their lives?\u201d That means: \u201cWhat does it mean for you to speak into the life of their kids?\u2014for you to invite them over, not just on holidays, but on any given Sunday? As you\u2019re walking through life, what does that look like?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAccountability\u2014we have to have people in our lives\u2014who are up in our grill\u2014telling us what\u2019s what. As a single person, it\u2019s extremely easy for me to leave church on a Sunday, go home, and do whatever I want to do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014listen to people sometimes; maybe not listen to people other times \/ take some great advice; reject advice. I don\u2019t have someone in my face all the time telling me what\u2019s what. We have to have accountability\/mentorship within the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe flip side of that is: \u201cWhat does it look like for us to have a sense of protection within the church?\u201d\u2014especially for those single women \/ those single moms. I mean, this can mean anything from protection from the kind of sketchy, predatory guys that are going through the singles groups and all of that to also just looking out for the needs of them. You know, when it comes to\u2014I had, a few years ago, where my fence at home got busted down. It made me realize I\u2019m the only person in the world that has to care about this fence. I do not have a husband that cares about this fence. Do I go to Lowe\u2019s? Are there fence people at Lowe\u2019s? Do I talk to a neighbor? How do I figure out how to fix this fence? I did not know\u2014I had to figure that out for myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to speak into that space and put your arm around the shoulder of a single mom \/ a single woman in your church is absolutely critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we also need to\u2014you know, in the sense of protection, we talk about protecting marriages a lot and what that looks like. That\u2019s absolutely necessary, but dysfunctional marriages tend to start with dysfunctional singles. Once we start growing and maturing the single adults in our church\u2014I talk a lot with 20-somethings\/30-somethings in my role\u2014but moving throughout the continuum\u2014as someone who has walked through a divorce: \u201cAre we ensuring that they are growing spiritually through that? Are we ensuring that they are getting access to some great counseling if they need that? Are we ensuring that they\u2019re not jumping into another relationship in three weeks after their relationship ends? What does it look like for us to have a protective arm around them in that sense?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we also need to\u2014and this is kind of a weird thing that I talk about a lot\u2014one other thing the church really needs to do is honor both singleness and marriage. You\u2019ll hear people here\u2014I talk about my own boss, Greg Smalley, uses this a lot\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHebrew 13:4 \/ that marriage is to be honored by all\u2014that includes single people. Like I said\u2014this is whether or not you are in a relationship and moving towards marriage, or this is whether you are committed to celibate service and choose to never marry again. We are called to honor marriage, and what does it look like in that space? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think too often we talk about marriage either as if it\u2019s like the flu \/ it hits you like the flu\u2014I mean, I\u2019ve had some of the worst messages about marriage from people in the church, who are like\u2014again, you get all the crazy platitudes, like, \u201cLisa, just be glad that you\u2019re single instead of in a bad marriage.\u201d Okay; well obviously! Or you get the whole: \u201cJust go on another mission trip. If you just go on another mission trip, you\u2019re going to forget all about marriage. Don\u2019t worry about it,\u201d or \u201cI wish I could be in your space; because you have this great job, and you travel, and you do this and you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAnd you know, in your free time, could you lead our AWANA program?\u2014because I\u2019m sure you have tons of it [time].\u201d So, it runs the gamut. We all need understanding of one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what does it look like to honor singleness without making it appear that single people\u2014single parents \/ single others\u2014are these super saints? Let\u2019s not be super singles. I think, in the church, it\u2019s like we\u2019re so concerned about offending single people that we don\u2019t say anything at all. We\u2019re like: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want to tread into any weird spaces. I\u2019m just going to act like that\u2019s totally legit; and whatever they\u2019re doing, I don\u2019t want to speak in. I\u2019m certainly not going to address their love life, because that\u2019s awkward.\u201d So we choose not to say anything at all. But on the flip side of that, we don\u2019t want to completely ignore the fact that many of them do want to be married and they want to be in that space. So honoring both of that is super helpful to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s funny, because\u2014you know, I had a friend who had a church out on the east coast. She sent me an email of something that was in her church bulletin, and it was for Valentine\u2019s Day. Of course, you know, churches do a lot of Valentine\u2019s Day activities. Of course, they came up with one for the singles. The slogan for it, or the call to action in the bulletin, was, \u201cSingles, come and date Jesus.\u201d [Laughter] Okay\u2014Jesus is the best; okay? He is my number one\u2014He should be all of our priorities. But Jesus has never bought me flowers; okay? Jesus has never taken me to my favorite restaurant. So this concept of \u201cLet\u2019s, as singles, just all be dating Jesus,\u201d it\u2019s a little bit tricky. It\u2019s a little bit questionable as far as treading into that space. When you talk to your single adults, what does that look like? It\u2019s a hard space to be in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen it was crazy\u2014because she showed me\u2014and then further, underneath the fine print was, \u201cOh, and single parents, you\u2019re going to have to pick your kids up halfway through the program; because we were only able to get childcare for part of the program.\u201d That\u2019s really encouraging and validating! So now, you\u2019re out here on Valentine\u2019s Day, dating Jesus, but your kids\u2014they have to be picked up halfway through\u2014so kind of problematic with the church marketing team on that front. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnyway, to both honor singleness and marriage is a tough space to walk in; but those who can do it well recognize that\u2014as the family of God and as brothers and sisters in Christ\u2014we have the privilege of honoring one another, and supporting one another, and encouraging one another in whatever stage of life we\u2019re in. Again, I tell this to my married friends\u2014I\u2019m like: \u201cYes! Jesus needs to be my number one, but He needs to be your number one too; okay?\u2014because singleness is not a waiting room for marriage. You\u2019re not going to enter marriage and all your problems are going to be solved and you\u2019re going to find Tom Cruz and he\u2019s going to complete you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I have to say this to single people all the time\u2014but a lot of times, as marrieds, you all out there want to kind of give some false hope to our single people, even saying to someone who\u2019s been through a broken relationship or a husband\/wife walked out on them: \u201cDon\u2019t worry. You know, you\u2019re going to find someone else. You\u2019re going to get married again.\u201d We don\u2019t know that \/ we don\u2019t know that they\u2019re going to\u2014so we can\u2019t promise that to them\u2014but we can promise them that God truly is going to be there with them and that you, hopefully, can as well, as you\u2019re going to help them walk through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, finally, and hopefully this is a little bit hopeful and challenging for you all, I would love to see the church get back into the business of helping make good matches. I don\u2019t know when we decided that this is for us to abdicate this responsibility; but it\u2019s become the case where, like I said before, we don\u2019t want to make any of our single people feel bad. We\u2019re like: \u201cLet\u2019s not even address it. Let\u2019s go through another book study. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLet\u2019s go do a service project. Let\u2019s go\u2026\u201d\u2014but heaven forbid we should talk at all about dating or about moving towards marriage. It\u2019s really doing a disservice to the single folks within our church, because it\u2019s very\u2014I mean, \u201cWhere better?\u201d This is where, a few generations ago, this used to be the norm, and still is to some extent, within places like, say, the Indian community \/ the Jewish community, where families are helping their people move towards relationships in a godly, biblical, intentional way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve gotten to the point, because the church has abdicated, we\u2019re just leaving singles up to their own devices. They\u2019re out online, and they\u2019re on Tinder, and they\u2019re doing speed-dating, and they\u2019re in bars\u2014I\u2019m talking about Christians as well\u2014this is the same space that they\u2019re occupying. So what does it look like for us to step into that space? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it looks like, first off, like I said before, stepping into their life as mentors and being: \u201cWhat are you about? What\u2019s going on here?\u201d It means, maybe, asking them some tough and challenging questions. It maybe means setting some people up. Just so you don\u2019t feel like\u2014you know, some of you are just like a collective groan\u2014\u201cUh seriously, I have tried that; and it did not work out!\u201d I always go after my single friends and I say: \u201cIf you\u2019re not willing to be set up, you are cheating yourself; because who better to help you move towards marriage and to find someone who\u2019s a great fit for you than the people who know and love you best? Wouldn\u2019t it be best to have this space happen within the church itself\u2014within the context of worshipping, and serving, and growing, and being accountable to one another?\u201d That\u2019s what the church needs to be doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo married folks, and empty-nesters, and boomers, and everyone else who\u2019s here, this is where you\u2019re so needed. I talk to my single friends and I say: \u201cGo out there, and show up, and plug in, and get involved, and make your needs known. Don\u2019t be ashamed to say that you want to get married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey say: \u201cLisa, I\u2019m doing that, but the folks in my church are turning me down. They\u2019re saying they don\u2019t have time for me, or they don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> what to do, or they don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d I\u2019m saying: \u201cLet\u2019s step into this space. Let\u2019s <em>encourage<\/em> them and recognize that more\u2014it\u2019s about 86\/87 percent of the world will be married at least once in their lifetime. Like I said, well over 90 percent wants a healthy relationship. In the Christian space, that number\u2019s even higher\u2014wants a healthy relationship \/ wants to be married. Let\u2019s help them get there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s a weird space to be in when we look at addressing singleness within the church. I mentioned this\u2014you know, we feel so awkward about it. I, too, I never thought I would be single this long. I\u2019m now over 40\u2014I mean: \u201cWhat in the world?\u201d My mom, bless her heart, moved in with me six months ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s 87 years old. She has moderate dementia. She believes she knows why I\u2019m still single\u2014she shares with me reasons most days. [Laughter] You know, for my mom, it was so easy\u2014she met my dad, stalked him at a few basketball games, went to a senior banquet, and got married. They met in seminary in the \u201950s. She\u2019s like: \u201cLisa, this is very easy. I don\u2019t know what your problem is!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like: \u201cMom, it is not like that anymore. This is much more difficult.\u201d She\u2019s just like, \u201cPfff,\u201d\u2014she just thinks I have this line of men ready to propose to me, and I\u2019m just turning them all down. I\u2019m like: \u201cMom, it is a rough place to be. We are seeing brokenness. We are seeing fractured relationships. We are seeing people that have taken on\u2014in unprecedented numbers\u2014a background of fatherlessness, and not even growing up with a role model in this generation \/ not even understanding or seeing good marriages around them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would encourage all of you to step into that space boldly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind the singles\u2014the single parents \/ those who are single again\u2014within your churches. Put your arm around them. Help find other people who will step into their sphere. Do not let them wallow in their own brokenness, in their own sinful attitudes, in their own bitterness and griping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have an entire chapter on grieving singleness in my book; because I think that\u2019s something, too, that\u2019s unspoken. There are a lot of griefs around being single, whether you are single, never married, or single again. We have to be willing to acknowledge that and be willing to go to the Father\u2014pour out our complaint, as the Psalmist says, and move forward. The person, not to pour out your complaint to, is the person that you want to be dating; okay?\u2014because then you\u2019re crazy; okay? I have been that person\u2014that is crazy and caddy, and it\u2019s not going to get you anywhere. But God Himself is big enough to handle it and, actually, has the power to do something about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, we\u2019ve been listening today to Lisa Anderson talking about how churches can more effectively minister to singles in a local church congregation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is part of what it means to be the body of Christ; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is. If you want to minister to a single person, invite them over for lunch after church next Sunday\u2014a lot of singles long to be near families. They\u2019re away from their own, because they\u2019ve had to move because of job opportunities. If you want to really encourage them, invite them to be a part of your family and just honor them as members of the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. We actually did that. Mary Ann said, \u201cWe ought to invite this young man, who goes to our church, over for dinner on Sunday night.\u201d We did that this week and had a great time with him. I think it\u2019s a part of serving one another. It was as much of a blessing for us to have him over as I hope it was for him coming over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Bob, I think hospitality in this high-tech, low-touch world of ours is really in need of being revived. If anyone ought to be able to do it and offer community, it ought to be followers of Christ\u2014people in the church, who have a love of Christ and are supposed to be reaching out to others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Lisa mentioned her book, <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>. We do have that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I would encourage singles: \u201cGet a copy and read Lisa Anderson\u2019s <em>The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order <em>The Dating Manifesto<\/em>. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll also find information on our website about the upcoming Blended &amp; Blessed free one-day live event \/ live stream that we\u2019re going to be doing for stepfamily couples, single parents, dating couples with kids\u2014anybody who cares about blended families. It\u2019s all happening April 29<sup>th<\/sup>, and information is online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow is Valentine\u2019s Day. If you are looking for a playlist\u2014something to have a little romantic music for your Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014we have a Spotify<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> playlist available. It\u2019s on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you follow us on Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, you\u2019ll find a link to the playlist there. If you\u2019re not following us on Facebook or Twitter, you ought to go ahead and \u201cLike\u201d us and add us to the list of people and organizations you follow. Stay up-to-date with what\u2019s going on, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you\u2019d like a romantic musical playlist that has been curated by our staff, here at FamilyLife, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You can stream the Spotify playlist. Or send the link to your sweetheart; and both of you can be listening, in separate locations, as you prepare for your romantic date night together tomorrow night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been listening to this program and you\u2019re single, I\u2019d just recommend you stay away from that playlist altogether. You don\u2019t want anything to do with it\u2014it\u2019ll just make you feel sad and lonely, and we don\u2019t want to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want you to have a nice Valentine\u2019s Day. Who knows? Maybe you\u2019ll meet somebody in the WalMart<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> aisle. In fact, tomorrow, Lisa Anderson shares a story about a guy who asked her out on a date when they were shopping for cards together\u2014well, they weren\u2019t together\u2014they were shopping for cards at a WalMart. He asked her out for\u2014you\u2019ll hear the story tomorrow when you tune in to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow, on Valentine\u2019s Day, for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304380"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304380"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304380"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304380"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}