{"id":304356,"date":"2017-01-26T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-01-26T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/pursuing-the-heart-of-your-teen\/"},"modified":"2017-01-26T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-01-26T17:00:00","slug":"pursuing-the-heart-of-your-teen","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pursuing-the-heart-of-your-teen\/","title":{"rendered":"Pursuing the Heart of Your Teen"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Brian Haynes and his wife, Angela, explain what it means to relentlessly pursue your teen&#8217;s heart. Angela recalls one tense time between her and her daughter after a family move.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-26.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"31.19M","filesize_raw":"32700372","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2841,2839,2855],"tags":[2209,4633,2520],"podcast_series":[8188],"cwp_profile":[9443,9196],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304356","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-attitude-problems","category-teens","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-skills","tag-parenting-teens","podcast_series-relentless-parenting","cwp_profile-angela-haynes","cwp_profile-brian-haynes","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304356\/pursuing-the-heart-of-your-teen","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304356\/pursuing-the-heart-of-your-teen","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"XR2DMNNgjy\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pursuing-the-heart-of-your-teen\/\">Pursuing the Heart of Your Teen<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pursuing-the-heart-of-your-teen\/embed\/#?secret=XR2DMNNgjy\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Pursuing the Heart of Your Teen&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"XR2DMNNgjy\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Pastor Brian Haynes and his wife, Angela, explain what it means to relentlessly pursue your teen's heart. Angela recalls one tense time between her and her daughter after a family move.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEver had a time with your teenager where you had to put yourself in time-out? We are going to talk today about what you do when your teens are testing your love for them. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; Bob, I\u2018ve got a question for you: \u201cWhat kind of teenager were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was a\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>Were you a compliant teenager?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Tell the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was a good, upstanding\u2014I was the kind of teenage boy that the mom\u2019s in town wanted their daughters to go out on dates with\u2014only because they did not know what was behind\u2014 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was going to ask you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was going to ask if it was fair to say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the outward appearance was pretty good \/ the inward was not so great\u2014but outwardly?\u2014yes; I was a rule-follower: I didn\u2019t skip class, I didn\u2019t\u2014well, I did skip class; but I talked my way out of it. That is how it worked for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I snuck out of the window only to come home in the middle of the night to find that the lawn chair I had propped up to get back in was now moved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Had been moved? Oooh\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014you were busted!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was busted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet us ask our guests\u2014we have a pastor and wife joining us\u2014Brian and Angela Haynes join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys\u2014welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Angela, what kind of teenager were you? Were you a good one or not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela:<\/strong> I was very compliant. I had an older brother that was not\u2014saw consequences and was too fearful to follow his path. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So when you say compliant, what do you mean? You just fell right in line with everything your parents asked you to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela:<\/strong> Pretty much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; Brian?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> I was the proverbial church kid that looked like a church kid on the outside but probably was not as much on the inside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A little rebel streak?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> A little\u2014a little double-minded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think it is courageous that\u2014even though you did have pretty normal teenage years in your life\u2014that you have written a book called <em>Relentless Parenting: The Crucial Pursuit of Your Teen\u2019s Heart<\/em>; and you wrote this while you still have teens at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s nuts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Angela, do you remember when it dawned on you that raising a teenager was maybe going to be a tougher assignment than you had thought when your kids were in elementary school years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela:<\/strong> I absolutely do. Actually, I remember the exact moment\u2014we were trying to catch a breath with our kids\u2014and drove down to Galveston before busyness crept back into our life\u2014just that afternoon\u2014with some cheerleading events coming up. That was causing extreme stress for one of our daughters, which a lot was underlying there that we did not know about at the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBased on how things went down that afternoon, I felt very broken. I escaped the lunch for a little bit and said I just wanted to walk on the sea wall for a little while. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began to realize: \u201cLord, this is a lot bigger than I ever imagined it to be, and I can\u2019t do this without You. I am pretty broken.\u201d God convicted me about raising my teenagers, now\u2014that I cannot view it as raising a product or producing a product. I need to view it as a pursuit after their heart; because they are God\u2019s children, and God has pursued me in my life that way. I am to reflect that in my own children.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Brian, do you remember that afternoon she is talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; because she just left. We were at a restaurant. I got up to go to the restroom, came back, and I said, \u201cWhere\u2019s mom?\u201d They said she had to go for a walk; and I realized: \u201cSomething broke. I do not know what it is or exactly what happened, but she went for a walk by herself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was it conflict at the table? Was it kids squabbling? Was it disobedience and defiance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela:<\/strong> I would say a lot of anger displayed and the way the younger ones were reacting\u2014was in pain. I felt very overwhelmed\u2014I did not know how to fix it \/ did not know how to Band-Aid it in the moment\u2014needed to cry out for help. The funny \/ the ironic thing about it was\u2014I walked very far, not realizing how far, just in my cry out to God: \u201cI need You. I need You. I cannot do this alone. This is\u2014this is\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Like\u2014like how far? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela:<\/strong> A couple of miles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian<\/strong> She was gone a solid 40 minutes. What she does not know is\u2014while that actually was the lead balloon that sort of dropped on one of our teenagers to say: \u201cOh my goodness! My words, my actions, my feelings\u2014that I\u2019m just vomiting all over Mom\u2014actually hurt her.\u201d It was actually a good thing and a bad thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As I mentioned, we raised six teenagers, four at one time. I have to say\u2014there are a lot of challenges in raising kids through the terrible twos, toddlers, etc. In our opinion, nothing was as challenging as helping teenagers navigate\u2014their culture, their choices, their temptations\u2014as when we did that. Really, when this frustration reaches a high level, parents need to reach out and let other people into their lives. Did you guys do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes; I think I have a natural tendency to do that. Angela might have reclused a little bit more, and I will let her speak to that; but I reached out to a youth pastor, who was actually a father figure in my life\u2014<em>my<\/em> youth pastor, who is probably 15 years older than me \/ 20 years older. I remember him going through some similar things with his boys. I just called\u2014I said: \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do. I need some handholds here; because all I thought I knew about parenting, and discipling my kids, and all that is out the window right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had some great words of wisdom that just brought me to a place of understanding: \u201cOkay; God is sovereign; He has this, and He knows what\u2019s going on, and He\u2019s our peace-giver in the midst.\u201d One of the first things he said was that \u201cFamily, more than any sort of other relationship that you have in life, family is the place where it is the most honest and the most painful; and you are just going through the most painful part; but don\u2019t discount the beauty of the honesty. If the communication channel is open, that is a good thing. It is not shut\u2014so that\u2019s a good thing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen \u201cLook at that as an opportunity to listen to your teenager, to understand where they are coming from, and dig a little bit deeper,\u201d\u2014because, you know, Angela and I did not do anything to necessarily cause what was coming out of her. So: \u201cWhat is causing that?\u201d It was a great kind of coaching point for me and for us\u2014I think, was: \u201cLet\u2019s take a listen and see what\u2019s deeper in there then.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were you a pastor at that time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Oh, yes! I was pastor at the church. This is part of the difficulty of it is\u2014pastor at the church\u2014the Christian high school that my daughter goes to is\u2014I oversee the entire organization. It is real hard\u2014it was real hard, in the moment, to turn inward to the body of Christ that we shepherded and say, \u201cHey we\u2019re going through this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We are talking to Brian and Angela Haynes, who have written a book called <em>Relentless Parenting: The Critical Pursuit of your Teen\u2019s Heart<\/em>.I think there\u2019s a key here, Dennis, which is: \u201cTeens are not inviting pursuit. They are kind of pushing you away from pursuit, but you\u2019ve got to be persistent as a parent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You have to let other people in your life and speak into your life to give you hope in the midst of this. I think teenagers can rob parents of their courage. In the process, we can kind of back out of their lives at the same time they are pushing us out; and that is the most lethal combination. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Angela, you alluded to this earlier. Let us talk about what was going on in your daughter\u2019s life at this time. What had happened, as you finally understood what was taking place at that lunch table that day?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>I would love to share, because I believe that there is a lot of brokenness in a lot of teenagers\u2019 lives. Some manifest into open anger \/ open actions, and others manifest privately. We need to be aware for all of our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith my daughter\u2014she was in sixth grade. She had a great group of friends, where we lived. She lived near family. We decided that it was time we needed to move across town for her dad to become a lead pastor of a church. In our world, it was a big move. In her world, it <em>rocked<\/em> her world to the core\u2014every comfort \/ everything that she felt stable with\u2014we left. And that she needed a lot of compassion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the same time, her father was dealing with a huge transition in his life. We were moving to a church that needed transition as well. I would say that she did not receive all the compassion that she needed. That manifested into a lot of hurt and anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the key thing in that was that\u2014at the time of that <em>huge<\/em> transition in her life\u2014to her, seemed tragic\u2014she was bombarded by some things of the world in a [supposedly] very safe place. She was bombarded, and it crept into her heart\u2014caused a lot of guilt. This guilt in her heart manifested then into much anger, but it was a hidden guilt that she carried for\u2014about three years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We should say that she has shared her story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>She has shared her story and wants other people\u2014other parents and other teenagers\u2014to know this, because there is hope in her story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; and we\u2019ve got a link to your daughter, Hailey\u2019s, blog, where she shares what this season of life was like for her, and what the ensuing years were like, and how she rode through the rapids. I am thinking, as you describe this\u2014for a child to transition from pre-adolescence into adolescence\u2014you have always described that as \u201cthe rapids\u201d\u2014there is rocky stuff there\u2014the canoe can tip over at any point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you are wondering if you are headed for the waterfall.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right; so you\u2019ve got that going on in every teen\u2019s heart, as they go through that. You mix in on top of that two factors\u2014moving across town, outside of your normal social group, and then, this exposure that your daughter had \/, stuff she should not have been exposed to in a safe place, as you said. All of a sudden, that transition\u2014well, the canoe tipped over in her life; didn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>It tipped over. From guilt and curiosity, it lead to a stronghold in her life\u2014that it was a go-to to fix in moments of stress. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you think about it\u2014if she was a young child, and that place that we lived at that time was the place of security for her, and then moving away during that pre-adolescent phase into the limelight being a daughter of a pastor, this became a stronghold in her life. It became a stronghold that she wanted to keep hidden\u2014because she did love us, and she did respect us, and she did not want to destroy what was going on in our life and in God\u2019s plan, which made it even more difficult for her to feel like she had to keep this hidden. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this time, me, being na\u00efve to what was truly going on, God truly convicted me to pursue her. I do not even know how to explain this; but it was an exhausting, gut-wrenching pursuit of her heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What did that look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>Unconditional love that you read in 1Cor. 13 that only Christ can give; but we, as parents, try to be that image-bearer to our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to hold on to that and beg God that \u201cI can be that for her as much as possible.\u201d I tried to show her an unconditional love\u2014I mean, in the moments that I am looking at her and I, myself, wanted to punch a hole in the wall. It meant telling her I love her so she knew there was nothing she could say or do that could take my love away from her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAn unconditional love\u2014it meant time. Every chance I had that I could spend quality time with her, I took\u2014time alone, time checking her homework, time to do something <em>fun<\/em> that she enjoyed doing, time to invest where she was involved \/ I wanted to be involved. In fact, she was even asking for that, because she needed some comfort. It was loving, unconditionally. It was pursuing her heart in ways of continuing to pour truth. I did not know if she was hearing it; but I was continuing to pour truth into her life, intentionally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany words of encouragement to her\u2014things that she was doing that were pleasing to the Lord\u2014or just how she showed love to others\u2014I would affirm that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And all this time, were you thinking, in the back of your head: \u201cIs this doing any good?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>Absolutely! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You are doing it with <em>no sense<\/em> that this is making any difference in the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>With hope that it was but not seeing the fruit of it yet. Although, I will say this\u2014when you do pursue their heart, with this unconditional love and with intentionality, there are times of testing to see \u201cWill you really love me?\u201d that are sometimes <em>extremely<\/em> challenging. Then, there are other times, where they come up and they curl up in your la; because you are their safe place. I <em>lived<\/em> for those moments\u2014I begged God that I would see more and more of those moments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother way to pursue your child\u2019s heart is prayer\u2014pray over them. You pray for wisdom and pray for the Holy Spirit to convict <em>them<\/em> to bring whatever brokenness is to light; because you, as a parent\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you do not know all that God knows. Only God knows them intimately to their core, because He is their Creator and He created them in His image. Through prayer\u2014that God would convict her and allow me to bring her to redemption back to Him. In this, she also showed a lot of anger to God because: \u201cWhy God? Why, if You love me, do You allow this to happen in my life?\u201d I think we all go there\u2014adults and kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day, she came to me and she said: \u201cMom,\u201d\u2014and she just confessed to me and said\u2014\u201cI need you, and I know you were there for me.\u201d It was in that moment, in that crucial pursuit, I realized, \u201cThank You, Lord, for pushing me through that and teaching me to be relentless like You have been in my life.\u201d Because of that, began a healing process in her life and in my life. I needed healing through that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I am watching you tell the story\u2014there is a lot of emotion still in you today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, what I want to say to the parent, who is listening to us: \u201cMaybe it\u2019s not a teenager\u2014maybe it\u2019s a young adult or maybe it\u2019s a toddler\u2014who\u2019s out of control. You do not know what to do, and you are in the midst of the rapids. This is where you have to have your own walk with Jesus Christ. This is where Christianity\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>That is right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cis not merely a dogma\/a doctrine\u2014it\u2019s about a living Lord Jesus Christ, who defeated death \/ who is alive today.\u201d Your relationship with Christ is what kept you in the game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Brian, how did you encourage that in the process?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>I think, at the beginning of the process, I might have been more of a <em>discouragement<\/em> than I would have thought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How so?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>When we moved, we moved to a church that needed to be a turnaround church. I felt like I got up and went to war every day. I would go home, already angry. When our daughter would sort of begin the tirade of things, I remember saying things that I deeply regret\u2014like she would\u2014she might say something like, \u201cYou\u2019re ruining my life by making me move here.\u201d I remember saying things like, \u201cI moved every two years my whole life as a kid. It will get better. Get over it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>That was the phrase: \u201cGet over it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: \u201c<\/strong>Get over it.\u201d It was just because I was at this\u2014like point of: \u201cI can\u2019t. I have no emotional headroom. I am not ruining your life. Everybody else is dinging me, so I\u2019m not going to let you ding me too.\u201d It just was where I was for two years. My great regret\u2014looking back, I would say, \u201cThat\u2019s not worth it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would have had a pastor coach in my life\u2014that would have been an older, wiser guy\u2014in the beginning of that to say: \u201cYou know what? Throttle back. Maybe not do some things as quickly\u2014all those \/ those levers\u2014but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it is one of the things you say in your book\u2014you say: \u201cCompassion first; then wisdom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re trying to say: \u201cGet over here. This is\u2014it\u2019s going to be fine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes! So, we\u2019re like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But there was <em>zero<\/em> compassion between you and your daughter\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong><em>Zero<\/em>\u2014between me and her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014because you had nothing leftin the tank after all day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>I had nothing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So I want to know, Angela, did you ding him? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>And this is the beauty of Angela.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>In fact, I said: \u201cMaybe I didn\u2019t ding you enough!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>She said that on the way here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cor hard enough!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you talking about today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>She said\u2014she said it as we talked about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Angela: <\/strong>Looking back, and reflecting, and trying to get him to see where she was at\u2014to hold back and push forward with compassion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Hindsight, learned that she was fearful to come to me, which I would <em>not<\/em> have expected; but she was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen she did come to me and she told me the <em>whole<\/em> story, God let me see her like He sees her in that moment. It broke my heart, and I just had compassion for her. For me, it changed everything in my relationship with her; but what I saw is\u2014when her earthly father showed her the same compassion that God, her Father, would show her, it changed everything <em>for her<\/em>. I, in the moment, did not realize the <em>power<\/em> of that offer of grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Somebody told me, years ago, that the most common attribute of God that is mentioned in the Old Testament is the Hebrew word, <em>Hesed<\/em>\u2014His steadfast love \/ His relentless, enduring love\u2014\u201cThe steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,\u201d\u2014it says in Lamentations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you guys are talking about\u2014what you talk about in the book, <em>Relentless Parenting<\/em>\u2014is being like that with your kids. Being steadfast in pursuing them and in loving them, even when they are arms crossed, jaw tight,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014eyes rolling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes\u2014shouting\/angry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Steadfast love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I just want to say to parents is: \u201cYou have to realize, today, evil is preying on our youth. You have to realize that these movies you see advertised on TV are <em>nothing<\/em> compared to what is taking place on the internet and what\u2019s taking place in our culture. Our kids are surrounded by it. They have to have parents, who aren\u2019t going to be omniscient, but they are going to be in the game\u2014they are going to be protecting their kids with boundaries\u2014at the same time, they are going to be speaking love, compassion, and truth into the lives of their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is what you guys have modeled\u2014not only in your marriage and family, but what you ultimately did with your daughter\u2014but also what you\u2019re modeling in the book. You are coming alongside parents to exhort them what to do today\u2014which is\u2014\u201cDo not give up. Keep on keeping on\u2014loving them.\u201d I liked the way you said it, Angela: \u201cYou have to reflect the same love and grace of God that pursues us every day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I imagine there are listeners today who needed to redouble their effort to be relentless. They may want to get a copy of your book, which we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center\u2014it is called <em>Relentless Parenting: The Crucial Pursuit of Your Teen\u2019s Heart<\/em>. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy. Order, online\u2014again, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that is 1-800-\u201cF,\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d, as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith the conversation we have been having today, I\u2019ve been thinking about the fact that all families\/all marriages go through seasons. There are times when circumstances \/ events will rob us of our courage. We are faint-hearted in the middle of those seasons. One of the things we want to do, here at FamilyLife, is to continue to give you the courage necessary to live out God\u2019s design for your marriage and your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you, who are Legacy Partners, who pray for us and who provide monthly support so that we can work together on this mission, you are enabling us to reach more people more often with the kind of practical biblical help and hope that we try to provide every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to our existing Legacy Partners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage those of you, who are regular listeners\u2014maybe you have benefitted from this program: \u201cThink about joining with us and being a part of the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible in your community and around the world. Become a Legacy Partner.\u201d You can do that easily. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign on as a Legacy Partner, or call 1-800-FLTODAY. When you join with us, as a new monthly donor to the ministry or if you make a one-time donation today, we would like to send you, as a thank-you gift, a new resource Barbara Rainey has designed\u2014it is the Ever Thine Home<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> heart-shaped chalkboard that you can hang in your home. You can use it to encourage one another throughout the year with messages to one another\u2014husbands, wives, to the kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is our gift to you when you support this ministry. We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you are able to do in partnering with us, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you will be back tomorrow. We are going to continue to talk about how we can stay faithful, as parents of teenagers\u2014not become weary in well-doing\u2014but stay faithful to what God has called us to. I hope you can tune back in tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I am Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you have benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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