{"id":304336,"date":"2017-01-12T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-01-12T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/not-tonight-dear-i-have-a-headache\/"},"modified":"2025-04-17T15:25:48","modified_gmt":"2025-04-17T19:25:48","slug":"not-tonight-dear-i-have-a-headache","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-tonight-dear-i-have-a-headache\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Tonight, Dear, I Have a Headache"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Robyn McKelvey, a wife to Ray for over 25 years and a mother of nine, talks honestly to women about enjoying and thriving in a sexual relationship with their husbands.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Robyn McKelvey, a wife to Ray for over 25 years and a mother of nine, talks honestly to women about enjoying and thriving in a sexual relationship with their husbands.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.75M","filesize_raw":"24902836","date_recorded":"2017-01-12 12:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088,2831],"tags":[6175,6176,4115],"podcast_series":[8186],"cwp_profile":[3381],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304336","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","category-wives","tag-how-to-enjoy-married-life","tag-oneness-in-marriage","tag-sexual-intimacy","podcast_series-not-in-the-mood","cwp_profile-robyn-mckelvy","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304336\/not-tonight-dear-i-have-a-headache","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304336\/not-tonight-dear-i-have-a-headache","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"NHKc71goSo\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-tonight-dear-i-have-a-headache\/\">Not Tonight, Dear, I Have a Headache<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-tonight-dear-i-have-a-headache\/embed\/#?secret=NHKc71goSo\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Not Tonight, Dear, I Have a Headache&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"NHKc71goSo\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Robyn McKelvey, a wife to Ray for over 25 years and a mother of nine, talks honestly to women about enjoying and thriving in a sexual relationship with their husbands.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>A lot of Christian couples are struggling in their marriage relationship because of a history of sexual sin prior to marriage. Robyn McKelvy says it\u2019s time to begin a conversation about the subject so that there can be some breakthroughs in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> The problem is\u2014a lot of Christians aren\u2019t talking about biblical sexual intimacy, even in their own homes. We need to find opportunities to make sure that we\u2019re talking about it in our homes\u2014talking about it with our best friends. It\u2019s time for us to have a voice, because we have the truth about sexual intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk today to a wife who wants to get the conversation going around biblical, God-glorifying marital intimacy. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob, I have a question for you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What does Pepto-Bismol<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> have to do with sex?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> See\u2014I\u2019m thinking the same thing! That is Pepto-Bismol on the front cover of this book; isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. This is one of the best covers for a book I have ever seen! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a beautiful red and white cover; and then, right in the middle of it,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, no. There\u2014there are petals. No\u2014you\u2019ve got to paint it, Bob\u2014those are <em>rose<\/em> petals around\u2014kind of framing the book. [Laughter] A white cover\u2014and then it says, \u201cS-O-S\u201d\u2014and then there is a tablespoon\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014with what my mother used to give me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> The pink medicine.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the name of the book?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> <em>S.O.S.: Sick of Sex<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we have the guest, who put Pepto-Bismol on her cover, right\u2014right with us. Robyn McKelvy joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, let me just say\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014the author of the book is a mother of ten. [Laughter] Can we just acknowledge that right off the bat?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Can we just acknowledge that I do love sex, and I\u2019m not sick of it? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> First of all, Bob and I want to thank you for coming into the studio and for doing a broadcast on this book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, it\u2019s one thing to write a book and talk about this like you did. It\u2019s another thing to come in here and sit across our\u2014kind of our kitchen table in here\u2014have a conversation with <em>two guys<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to thank you for being a courageous\u2014a courageous woman. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Okay; well, let\u2019s get to it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; but before we dive in, we should let our listeners know\u2014you and your husband Ray speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Ray pastors a church just outside Nashville, Tennessee. This spring, you guys are going to be speaking at the getaways in San Francisco; in Jacksonville, Florida; Hilton Head, South Carolina. I know Ray is going to be speaking at one of the getaways in Reston, Virginia, just outside Washington DC.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You guys have been speaking at these events for years.<\/p>\n<p>I know you would agree with me\u2014there\u2019s really no better weekend for a couple\u2014than to get away, just the two of you\u2014spend time focusing on your marriage, focusing on one another, building into that relationship. I\u2019m mentioning all that, here at the beginning of this program, because we want to encourage listeners to take advantage of a special offer we\u2019re making this week and next week\u2014where you can attend an upcoming getaway\u2014and if you pay the regular rate for yourself, your spouse comes free. This is the best offer we make all year.<\/p>\n<p>Now is the time for you to take advantage of this offer and come join us at a getaway near where you live\u2014or decide to go to Hilton Head for the weekend, or Jacksonville, or San Francisco and be with the McKelvy\u2019s\u2014or come to Branson, where I\u2019m going to be speaking in April.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got getaways in great locations all around the country. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014and there\u2019s a map available there and all the details\u2014you can register online. If you have any questions, want to call?\u2014our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Take advantage of this special offer\u2014pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. It\u2019s good this week and next week at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.<\/p>\n<p>Now, Robyn, our listeners need to know that the book you\u2019ve written\u2014you\u2019re a mother of ten children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right?\u2014ten?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Four boys \/ six girls. So, [laughs] what prompted you to write a book called <em>Sick of Sex<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Let me just say this\u2014doing a small <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> conference at our church. We had a church plant, back in Kansas City\u2014and doing this small <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> conference, which I had your permission to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> I was talking to the ladies and talking about the differences that we have. I said to the ladies, \u201cCome on, ladies, we want sex too.\u201d Afterwards, two ladies came to me, at two different times; and they said, \u201cRobyn, I don\u2019t want sex.\u201d These ladies were younger ladies than I was\u2014kind of newly-married. I couldn\u2019t understand how they didn\u2019t want to have a phenomenal, intimate relationship on a regular basis with their husband.<\/p>\n<p>So that\u2019s what started this book\u2014that I thought would take a year to write\u2014and it took me five years to write! [Laughter] I thought I could get it out here because there are <em>so<\/em> many things that come at us that make us \u201csick of sex.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you\u2019ve talked to lots of women\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Oh! More than you would want to know!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014who are taking the Pepto-Bismol because\u2014for whatever reason. Let\u2019s talk about some of these reasons.<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, before you do that Bob\u2014just what percent would you say?\u2014just guess. I know this is not scientific\u2014but if you were estimating\u2014what percent of married women are S.O.S.?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Can I just say this? From talking to married women\u2014and let\u2019s just even talk about the fatigue\u2014I would say probably 80 percent of married women are sick of sex, with a <em>huge <\/em>S.O.S.-cry flashing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying that the reason for that\u2014maybe the biggest reason\u2014is because women are just exhausted.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Exhausted, overwhelmed, tired: \u201cI\u2019m doing too much,\u201d \u201cI have to work too,\u201d \u201cI need my rest,\u201d\u2014just issues\u2014\u201cI\u2019m tired of the relationship I have with him,\u201d Just fatigue; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis used to say that\u2014that for a lot of women, intimacy in marriage would come right behind sorting the hangers in the closet on their\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and sewing for pleasure.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014on their priority list of things to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> We laugh at that, but it\u2019s the truth. I don\u2019t think enough of us older women are talking to younger women\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>or even talking to women, <em>period<\/em>\u2014to find out where we\u2019re lying when it comes to our intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have to tell you\u2014there have been times when Mary Ann has said to me, \u201cI thought you were tired.\u201d And I have said to her, \u201cThat has nothing to do\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201c\u2014with this!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s like saying \u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would say, \u201cI was tired, but so\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cBut Sweetie pie, come on!\u201d Yes. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> But, for a wife, if she\u2019s tired, tired beats whatever other\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It trumps.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014interest is coming along.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> It trumps\u2014it trumps intimacy. And let me just say this\u2014I <em>know <\/em>that it trumps intimacy, because the enemy of intimacy wants it to trump intimacy with their Heavenly Father. That\u2019s the bottom line of this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; tie those two together, because I don\u2019t think a lot of men or women are tying together intimacy with our Heavenly Father and intimacy in marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Well, let me just say this\u2014sexual intimacy is a picture of the intimacy \/ how close knit God wants to have intimacy with us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a picture of His relationship\u2014this inter-tangling intimacy that He wants with His bride, the church. There is <em>no way<\/em> that we can look at the intimacy that we have with one another\u2014not you, Bob\u2014but my husband, you know\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014 and not see that it has everything to do with us reflecting Christ\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014and with our openness to the intimacy that we have with Christ.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; let\u2019s go back to a question Bob asked earlier. What keeps women in this state of S.O.S.? What contributes to this besides fatigue? Because there are other things, from a cultural standpoint, that are coming at them today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Oh, there are so many. Let me tell you\u2014there are 20 chapters. Do you know every chapter in this book starts with \u201cS.O.S.\u201d because there\u2019s a reason?!<\/p>\n<p>Number one\u2014the world tells us we have to look a certain way to even be sensual\u2014so we\u2019re ashamed of our shapes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Okay; the culture tells us to be ashamed of our shape.<\/p>\n<p>The culture tells us you don\u2019t have to stamp out that stuff that was your old system: \u201cYou hang onto that stuff!\u201d So, as a result, we have all of this stuff that hits us. It attacks us every time. Okay; I see both of you guys\u2014go right ahead. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you tell a story in regard to this about a woman you know\u2014you call her Olivia\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and some of her stuff.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Can I just say this? Olivia is not just any woman\u2014she is probably one of my top three best friends.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Okay? This is one of my sisters in Christ that\u2014she\u2019s phenomenal; because she is the one person that you know you\u2019re going to get honesty from\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014whatever comes up. Olivia\u2014we have been friends from the cradle\u2014we grew up together. We have pictures of us that were black and white from the Brownie cameras, way back in the day\u2014that\u2019s how long we\u2019ve been friends. We haven\u2019t been just casual friends\u2014we\u2019ve been very <em>deep<\/em> friends\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014so not to know her story until I\u2019m writing this book\u2014and then she comes to me and she says, \u201cMy first sexual experience was rape.\u201d She never shared that with me! This is the thing\u2014the enemy has us wrapped up in shame, and guilt, and fear, and not wanting to talk\u2014so we don\u2019t talk about sexual intimacy\u2014even with our friends. I\u2019m here to say that the Olivia, who told me that story, is not the same Olivia today\u2014<em>that\u2019s<\/em> the restoration of Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me take you back before the restoration, because I don\u2019t think we all fully understand the impact of sexual violence or sexual abuse in the past\u2014how that can still cloud the marital bedroom, 20 years later.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talk about that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Well, let me just say that for Olivia it was; because\u2014number one\u2014the enemy keeps you so bound up in your shame, in your guilt, in your sin, in your incorrect information.<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He has you so bound that you don\u2019t <em>want<\/em> to even get out of it: \u201cThis is the way it is. This is the way that it\u2019s going to be, and I can\u2019t go back and change that.\u201d No; you might not be able to change that, but God sure covers it!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you talk about sexual violence against a woman\u2014she didn\u2019t do anything wrong there \/ she was violated\u2014and yet, there\u2019s still a sense of shame that comes with that, even if you didn\u2019t do anything wrong; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes; and as a result of her being violated, she got to a place where she said: \u201cI don\u2019t even care anymore. Let me just go ahead and give my body to anybody.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> So she went through years, and years, and years of being promiscuous. As a result, when she got into marriage\u2014there was even promiscuity with her husband prior to marriage\u2014and they were believers by this point. So she got into marriage and she\u2019s like, \u201cIf it was so wrong then, and he was the leader of the relationship, why is it right now?<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cSomething didn\u2019t transfer in my mind that it was right.\u201d She was living in her marriage with this sin of sex, which was sexual promiscuity or sexual intimacy before marriage. It wasn\u2019t right\u2014it\u2019s <em>false<\/em> intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> What brought about the change in her life and in her attitude toward sexuality?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> I say, \u201cA good friend.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re smiling because\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> I\u2019m that friend. I mean, as older women, we can\u2019t let go of these younger women. Sometimes it takes more than a day or a conversation for some of these battles to be won.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> We have to walk through it for years, and years, and years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did you find that she was angry as a result of everything that had occurred?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Absolutely! And let me say this\u2014her anger wasn\u2019t just toward the world\u2014it was toward her husband. Number one\u2014because he was the believer; and yet, she felt violated by him because of their premarital sex.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We make the statement at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014that if you allow anger to reside in your soul, it is toxic. It will short-circuit the kind of sexual response that I believe God built within a man, or a woman, for that matter.<\/p>\n<p>For your friend, Olivia\u2014undoubtedly, she was not just bound up in shame, at that point, but she couldn\u2019t enjoy her husband because she\u2014as you mentioned, she was angry.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She was ticked off at him\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014full of bitterness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s it. You get angry and you don\u2019t deal with it; and it grows, and grows, and grows. Then your light doesn\u2019t shine for the world to see that God desires marriage\u2014and He desires for two people involved in marriage to have a very exclusive, but an intimate, sexual relationship <em>often<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can you share with us some of the breakthrough points, as you\u2019ve walked with Olivia over the last five years\u2014from her place of shame, and pain, and promiscuity, and sexual guilt, and sexual sin\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014to where she is, today, living honorably before the Lord in this area and enjoying her sexual relationship with her husband?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Can I just say\u2014I can\u2019t share everything, because we are still walking through some of it\u2014but let me just say this\u2014Olivia is one person\u2014my husband and I talk about her often\u2014she is one person who <em>desires<\/em> to honor God. So when I talk to her, or when I tell her something, or show her something in the Word, she does it\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014because she wants to honor God. She\u2019s at this place, where she has been transformed \/ she wants the transforming work of God. So when she sees it, she immediately does it. That\u2019s one of the things we talk about\u2014becoming an <em>immediate<\/em> obeyer. If you <em>see<\/em> the truth, you need to walk in that truth\u2014not over time\u2014but immediately; because it\u2019s the truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What you\u2019re illustrating here is what all of us need. We need to live life in relationship and come out of the\u2014of the dark around some of these things that are hidden if we\u2019re going to be liberated from them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are a lot of our listeners, who are listening to us right now\u2014they are denying that certain things occurred 10, 15, 20, or more years ago.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s one other threat, I believe, to women today that we don\u2019t talk much about today; but I think it\u2019s had a dramatic impact on wives\u2019 attitudes toward sex. It goes back to a group of women\u2014and you don\u2019t hear this term very often today: \u201cWomen\u2019s liberation.\u201d It was a group of women, who said, \u201cWe want to be independent of men.\u201d One of them said, \u201cA woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know? The point was: \u201cYou don\u2019t need one! You don\u2019t need them.\u201d If your attitude toward men is that you don\u2019t need them, how can the attitude about sex, which is the most intimate of all of the components of a relationship that a husband and wife experience in the marriage relationship that occur. Just comment on that if you would.<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Just let me say that I have a section in this book where I talk about the need for men and women to get a biblical view of sexual intimacy. One of the biggest things that we live with is the <em>lies<\/em> of the enemy. The lie of the enemy would say: \u201cYou know what? Why isn\u2019t it better to have a relationship with somebody you\u2019re like?\u2014somebody you correspond with?\u201d Now, he\u2019s not saying just to havethat relationship; but \u201cWhy can\u2019t you have this intimate sexual relationship with somebody you\u2019re like?\u201d It\u2019s a lie\u2014it is not truth! You live out of this falsehood; because it\u2019s easier to live with a lie, to relate to this lie, and to have the relationship that you think that you <em>need<\/em> with this thing that is <em>false <\/em>instead of fighting for truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> What I love about what you\u2019re saying in the book, and what you\u2019re talking about here, is that all of this\u2014our sexuality \/ every aspect of our life\u2014needs to be governed by and calibrated by what God says is true\u2014not what we think is true, not what we feel is true, not what our past tells us is true, not what the culture says is true.<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If we want the relationship to be what God designed it to be, then we have to calibrate it according to <em>His<\/em> standards\u2014not according to the past, or the present, or the culture\u2014right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. It\u2019s absolutely right. Not only what God\u2014He <em>created <\/em>it to be \/ this is the thing\u2014it\u2019s <em>His<\/em> creation. This was God\u2019s idea\u2014it wasn\u2019t a handshake \/ it was an intimate time between two different people that had two different organs coming together\u2014so entwining.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t think that we\u2019re ready to get there, because it\u2019s so embarrassing; because we have so much shame and we have so much fear that my stuff is going to come out. Well, let\u2019s forget about our stuff; and let\u2019s just start talking about God\u2019s creation of sexual intimacy\u2014and <em>biblical<\/em> sexual intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re really talking about reprograming the way people think.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> It\u2019s time, Dennis. It\u2019s <em>past<\/em> time.<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really is. The culture really has done a great job of brainwashing our young people about sex\u2014it has no boundaries \/ it\u2019s no longer reserved for marriage. You have a whole group of young people today\u2014in their teens, twenties, and thirties\u2014experimenting \/ even married people experimenting outside the marriage relationship\u2014and they\u2019re wondering why it doesn\u2019t work in the marriage relationship. They\u2019re bringing all of these bags into the marriage \/ unpacking them, and they don\u2019t know what to do with them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> A lot of these bags they\u2019re choosing to <em>keep<\/em> in the marriage relationship\u2014so we even have all of this stuff packed up in our marital bedrooms. We have just so much stuff!<\/p>\n<p>The problem is\u2014a lot of Christians aren\u2019t talking about biblical sexual intimacy, even in their own homes. We need to find opportunities to make sure that we\u2019re talking about it in our homes, talking about it with our best friends, talking about it with whoever will listen.<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s time for us to have a voice, because we have the truth about sexual intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talking about it in your homes. Now, you\u2019re the mother of ten kids.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> They know you wrote this book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> They do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have they read the book?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Let me just even say\u2014not only have they read the book\u2014a couple of years ago, when I was doing some editing on the book, one of my daughters\u2014because, you know, with ten, we don\u2019t go out to dinner a lot.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> So I\u2019m editing the book in the middle of cooking dinner. My computer is on the end of the counter, and I\u2019m going over to stir a pot. My 14-year-old, at this time, sat down and started reading what I was editing. She was at this place, where she is like, \u201cMommy, did you write this?\u201d I said, \u201cYes, ma\u2019am.\u201d She says, \u201cMom, can I give a friend of mine this portion?\u201d I said, \u201cWhatever you need to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She takes a part of that, copies it to a file, and sends it to a friend; because at 14 years old, her friend\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014was already involved in a sexual relationship and was getting <em>false<\/em> information.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>My 14-year-old saw truth in what was written, based on God\u2019s Word, and wanted to give her friend truth to be able to stamp out the lie she was living.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> The conversations in your home with your kids in this area are appropriate\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014but candid; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Let me just say this\u2014I think that anytime you start talking too specifically about your sexual relationship with your husband, you are doing verbal pornography with your children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; I agree.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> They don\u2019t need that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> They need to know that God created sex\u2014that it is good \/ that it is honoring to Him. They need to know that mommy and daddy are sexually involved <em>often<\/em>. [Laughter] Okay? It\u2019s important that our kids know that in order to keep your intimate relationship with the Lord at a place where it is vital and vibrant, you have to meet with Him often.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So the question for you is: \u201cWere you \u2018sick of sex?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Absolutely not! Let me tell you\u2014if you <em>are <\/em>\u201csick of sex,\u201d all you are doing is crying S.O.S. \u201cSick of sex\u201d is a state that you need to come <em>out of<\/em>\u2014and thus, the Pepto-Bismol.<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014on the front cover.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I agree with you. Frankly, this Book right here\u2014and I\u2019m not pointing to yours\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Absolutely! I\u2019ve got mine with me; absolutely.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019m pointing to the Bible. This Book right here is the truth about who created sex in the first place\u2014it was not an invention of man.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> God created\u2014He created them male and female\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and He created us with a mind and a heart, which are the most important sex organs that we have. We\u2019ve got to get it right in our heads\u2014between our ears\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to be thinking rightly about what sex is all about. That\u2019s what you do in this book. Frankly, this would be\u2014this would be a great gift for a couple getting married; because if you start out right \/ with the right attitude\u2014and a lot aren\u2019t today \/ a lot are ending up\u2014ten, fifteen, or twenty years down the road\u2014they\u2019ve lived in the midst of this and they have all kinds of Pepto-Bismol at their place.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Robyn:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We need to make sure folks understand: \u201cPepto-Bismol will have absolutely no effect on your\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I mean, you can take spoonfuls of this; and it\u2019s not going to cure you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You felt the need to add a disclaimer on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just wanted to make sure there weren\u2019t some listeners, who are going, \u201cI\u2019m going to stop by the drugstore on the way home and just get some Pepto-Bismol and see if that fixes anything.\u201d [Laughter] No; it\u2019s the Bible that is the cure.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The Bible is the cure\u2014you\u2019re exactly right, Bob.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it\u2019s what Robyn points to in the book, <em>S.O.S.: Sick of Sex<\/em>,which we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book. Again, it\u2019s titled <em>S.O.S.: Sick of Sex<\/em>. Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you live near San Francisco, or Jacksonville, or Hilton Head, plan to join Robyn and her husband Ray at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got about\u2014between 85 and 90 of these events happening this spring in cities all across the country. I\u2019m going to be in Branson, Missouri, for a getaway. Again, these are going on all over the country.<\/p>\n<p>This week and next week we\u2019re giving listeners an opportunity to register for an upcoming getaway\u2014and if you pay the regular rate for yourself, your spouse comes free. It\u2019s the best offer we make all year, and we\u2019re making it for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You have to take advantage of it this week or next week\u2014deadline is next weekend. If you need to get information about when a getaway is going to be happening in a city near where you live, go online now to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make plans to join us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. Again, take advantage of the offer that is going on now through next week\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. We hope to see you at one of these upcoming getaways.<\/p>\n<p>We hope you\u2019ll join us back tomorrow when Robyn McKelvy will be here again. We\u2019ll talk about: \u201cWhat do you do in a marriage when there\u2019s been baggage or damage that you bring into the relationship that affects marital intimacy?\u201d Robyn talks about that tomorrow. Hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304336","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304336"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304336"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304336"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304336"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304336"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304336"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304336"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}