{"id":304330,"date":"2017-01-09T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-01-09T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/loved-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/"},"modified":"2017-01-09T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-01-09T17:00:00","slug":"loved-by-god-to-love-your-spouse","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loved-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Loved by God to Love Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you show your spouse grace? Tim and Darcy Kimmel know what it means to give and receive grace, and they share some grace moments from their own marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-09.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.75M","filesize_raw":"23852964","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2902,2862],"tags":[6048,6173],"podcast_series":[8006],"cwp_profile":[3211,3058],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304330","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resolving-conflict","category-understanding-differences","tag-gods-grace","tag-showing-grace-to-your-spouse","podcast_series-grace-filled-marriage","cwp_profile-darcy-kimmel","cwp_profile-tim-kimmel","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304330\/loved-by-god-to-love-your-spouse","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304330\/loved-by-god-to-love-your-spouse","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5GH5aZ7K9E\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loved-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/\">Loved by God to Love Your Spouse<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loved-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/embed\/#?secret=5GH5aZ7K9E\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Loved by God to Love Your Spouse&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5GH5aZ7K9E\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not enough for a husband or a wife to have love for a spouse in marriage. Tim Kimmel says, \u201cIt has to be the right kind of love from the right source.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>The difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy\u2014it is: \u201cGod\u2019s love for me is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy.\u201d What we tend to want to do is say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love that I have for Darcy.\u201d That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my<\/em> love. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, January 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us today to help us find out how we can have a marriage that is filled with grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSounds good; doesn\u2019t it? We\u2019ll talk about it today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, I have known our guests today for more than two decades. You\u2019ve known them longer than I have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But it wasn\u2019t until I read their book on marriage that I realized that Tim has a background in hairstyling. Did you know about this? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, I somehow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you miss this part of the book? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I somehow missed that part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ll have to ask him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I know when he was\u2014he wrote a book called <em>Grace Based Parenting<\/em>. I knew that one of his kids had their hair\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014was it neon? What was it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>It was a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That, too, and a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But ask him. After you introduce him, ask him about the hairstyling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I do know the story. First of all, Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, tell us about braiding Darcy\u2019s hair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, she had gone on a trip to visit her mother, and we had young kids. Two of them are girls\u2014long hair\u2014left me in charge. I did my best. But apparently, one of her friends ratted-me-out\u2014that it was just a nightmare what I\u2019d done with the girls for church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019d say \u201cratted-you-out\u201d implied what the hair looked like. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, it was not an A-plus braid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>No, no; it wasn\u2019t even a braid. I didn\u2019t know what I was doing. So, Darcy got back. She heard about this and said, \u201cLook,\u201d\u2014we put the kids to bed. She said, \u201cTonight, after we put the kids down, I want to teach you to do something, even if you don\u2019t do it well. It\u2019s going to be better than what you\u2019ve been doing. I want to teach you to French braid hair.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat night, after we put the kids down, I was very concerned that\u2014I thought, \u201cHas she gone camo?\u201d or \u201cIs somebody is going to come and steal my man-card or whatever if they catch me doing this?\u201d One of my friends came over and I said, \u201cLook, I\u2019m just looking for junk in her hair. Don\u2019t worry about it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, I put a fire in the fireplace. We had some music on, from back when we were in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was sitting kind of cross-legged, and I followed her instructions. It hit me\u2014when you look at a woman\u2019s braided hair, going down the back of her head, it looks like two strands of hair overlapping in kind of a herringbone style. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It looks like two, but I was holding three in my hand. As I was weaving them together to look like two\u2014it looked very beautiful\u2014I thought: \u201cYou know, when we weave Jesus into our marriage, people are seeing two\u2014but there are three there. And He makes all the difference in the world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I had the opportunity to speak at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>getaway in Philadelphia, back a few months ago, and that message brings a lot of encouragement and hope. In fact, one of the people, who was at the conference, wrote to us later and said: \u201cBecause I believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose again from the dead, I also believe that the Lord can and will restore my marriage. Thank you, FamilyLife, for that reminder and for that hope.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a lot of times couples lose heart and lose hope in a marriage because they lose sight of the need for a relationship to be centered in grace and to be centered on Christ. You guys have written a book called <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em> that we\u2019re going to talk about today; but I just want to, here on the front of the program, let our listeners know that if you\u2019d like to attend one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways this spring, we\u2019re going to be hosting these in more than 85 cities all across the country this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to attend, and you sign up this week or next week, you pay for yourself and your spouse comes free. This is the best offer we make to listeners throughout the year. Sign up now to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014you pay for yourself and your spouse comes free. You can take advantage of this offer by going to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and register online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call if you have any questions\u20141-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number. Find a weekend and a location that works for you, and then plan to join us at one of these fun, romantic weekend getaways for couples\u2014the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can call 1-800-FLTODAY to take advantage of the special offer here for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>;and again, the offer is good this week and next week and then it goes away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, one of the things you\u2019ll learn at the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>is how vital it is for a marriage to be a grace-filled marriage, which is the title of the book that you guys have written, that we\u2019re going to talk about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I wanted to ask you, Darcy\u2014is: \u201cCan you illustrate what grace looks like, coming from Tim?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I think, as so many other couples, we come from different directions. We\u2019re very different. Of course, we didn\u2019t realize how different that was until we got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I am a planner\u2014I am a detail person. Tim is much more spontaneous. He doesn\u2019t\u2014you know, he doesn\u2019t care what\u2019s around the corner. He just wants to go and look. I like to know what\u2019s around the corner before I turn that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has been very gracious to me in being patient with me\u2014not taking me too fast \/ too far when\u2014especially in ministry\u2014you know, there are a lot of things that you don\u2019t know in ministry. So, he\u2019s been very patient with me. That\u2019s grace, coming from him, because it drives him nuts! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Patience is an aspect of grace; but Tim, as you describe it in the book, grace is bigger than just being patient; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. Grace is giving somebody something they desperately need but don\u2019t necessarily deserve. That\u2019s what happened at the cross when Jesus intervened, in time and space, for all of us. He gave us grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I look at our marriages, I think we tend to lead with the word, \u201clove.\u201d Love is an intrinsic part of just about anybody\u2019s life. That\u2019s what we share\u2014our vows of love\u2014but I think the missing ingredient, in most people\u2019s marriage, is not love. I believe it is grace. When they bring God\u2019s grace to center-stage\u2014now, that love can endure and get stronger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if God\u2019s grace is giving me what I need but don\u2019t deserve\u2014then grace, in a marriage, is when we give one another things we need but don\u2019t deserve? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. I think the problem with us human beings\u2014even us Christian human beings\u2014is that, when we get married\u2014like it or not\u2014we tend to keep a tally sheet in our hand. We\u2019re keeping score as we go. We feel that that is completely legitimate, even though we would\u2014to our dying breath\u2014say, \u201cWe love each other incredibly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut because we are keeping score, it\u2019s easy to start to think, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t think they are pulling their part of the deal on this\u201d; or we start a quid pro quo arrangement. This is the antithesis of the way God deals with us. So, all we\u2019re saying, in this book, is, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we treat our spouse the way God treats His spouse\u2014with grace?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the tally sheet can work well into the marriage as long as the feelings are there to overwhelm your spouse\u2019s deficit; but when the feelings are gone, or they ebb away, you\u2019ve got a problem, at that point, of: \u201cHow am I going to relate to this other broken person who\u2019s not meeting my needs?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked up a definition of grace from my Logos Bible study Software, which I really like\u2014it says, \u201cGod\u2019s grace confronts our rebellion and our indifference with an inexhaustible capacity to forgive and to bless.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like that picture\u2014that it\u2019s God responding to <em>us<\/em>, in our indifference and our rebellion\u2014and what spouse hasn\u2019t had indifference to us or rebellion to what we wanted to do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDarcy, I\u2019m thinking about you\u2014you know\u2014you\u2019re throwing out anchors, left and right, for Mr. Free-Spirit over here you\u2019ve been married to for more than four decades. He, sometimes, can look at you and go, \u201cShe\u2019s in rebellion. She won\u2019t follow me. She won\u2019t go where I want her to go when I want her to go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. I mean, I can irritate him to no end; and I know the buttons I can push. Sometimes, I want to push them; because I want a little payback\u2014you know?\u2014on him. [Laughter] But, I mean, that\u2019s not being gracious. That\u2019s not giving him what he actually needs\u2014it\u2019s giving him what I want him to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what you guys are calling us to do in our marriage\u2014is calling us to allow Jesus Christ to live <em>in <\/em>and <em>through<\/em> us and express that inexhaustible forgiveness and the ability to bless another person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Bless another person\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think one of the key things you point people to, early-on in the book, is the fact that a lot of couples\u2014in a marriage where there is conflict, where there is chafing, where you\u2019re just not syncing-up the way you\u2019d like to\u2014they think, \u201cWell, we just need to try harder to make our marriage work.\u201d You\u2019re saying that\u2019s a recipe for failure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Absolutely; because the punch line of this book is probably one that\u2014when I say it, a lot of people are going to say, \u201cThat\u2019s a little abstract for me\u201d; but what we tend to want to do is\u2014I say, \u201cI\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love I have for Darcy.\u201d That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, that it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my <\/em>love for God. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. Give it the right circumstances, and it\u2019s going to wane. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy; it is God\u2019s love for <em>me<\/em> is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy. This is very different, Dennis; but when I let God flow through me\u2014now, it\u2019s coming at her\u2014now, she has the infinite, all-powerful love of God working through me. I\u2019m still a vessel, walking on feet of clay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI quote you all the time, saying, \u201cGod picks up crooked sticks and draws straight lines all the time.\u201d You\u2019ve said that over and over again, Dennis; but that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about. I am a crooked stick, but God can do something in us that is a game-changer, all the way around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; if your source for loving your spouse is your internal reservoir of love, you will run out of that quickly; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Oh, so soon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if your source is tapped to the inexhaustible supply\u2014that you talked about in your definition of grace\u2014then all you are is a conduit for the grace of God to flow through you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I had a conversation with a man recently. He\u2019d been married a couple of decades to his wife, and they had hit a wall. He said, \u201cWe had a breakthrough in our marriage, because I ultimately came to the conclusion I could no longer do what she needed me to do. I couldn\u2019t love her the way she needed to be loved.\u201d He said, \u201cThe breakthrough came when I admitted I couldn\u2019t do it, but God could.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>But God could. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what we\u2019re talking about here is the filling of the Holy Spirit. If you\u2019re a believer in Jesus Christ, you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. He came to produce fruit in your life. In Galatians 5, where it mentions the fruit\u2014the first one is love: \u201cLove, joy, peace, patience, kindness\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what the Holy Spirit came to produce <em>in<\/em> and <em>through<\/em> you to exhibit that to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>We thought a lot about Bill Bright as we were writing this book because he <em>always <\/em>married the Holy Spirit \/ the filling of the Holy Spirit with our salvation. So many times we forget that the Holy Spirit gives us the power to live out that salvation\u2014especially in marriage because, as Bob said, we get to the end of our resources so quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we think: \u201cOh, I just got to try harder. I\u2019ve got to read another book. I\u2019ve got to do this. Let me see my checklist.\u201d It\u2019s very discouraging for couples that give it their all, and yet they are not tapping into God\u2019s power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It can still seem abstract to folks to be talking about drawing on your own internal reserves of love versus drawing on the love of God to flow through you. We can understand that in terms of a metaphor; but in terms of how we do that on a daily basis, Darcy, how can you tell when you are utilizing resources that are outside of you rather than resources that are inside of you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I can tell by the result\u2014it\u2019s usually a lot more positive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery morning, I try to fill up my heart with God\u2019s Word because it\u2019s true \/ it\u2019s powerful. It reminds me of how much God loves <em>me<\/em>. That\u2019s my model for how I am to love Tim. That helps me\u2014then, of course, prayer. I mean, you just cry out to God. You just say: \u201cI can\u2019t do this! I don\u2019t like him, let alone love him, right now. You\u2019re going to have to <em>love<\/em> him through me.\u201d And God is faithful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what my friend did\u2014my friend who said: \u201cI came to the end of myself. I told my wife, \u2018I cannot provide what you need.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cWe had a time of prayer and we just cried out to God: \u2018God, would You help us <em>love<\/em> the way You designed us as human beings to exhibit that love?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was a couple weeks after he had had this \u201cbreakthrough\u201d with his wife, but he was talking about the residue, like you\u2019re talking about\u2014the results. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were there. Both of them were relating to each other differently than they had been. They\u2019d been missing each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that Barbara and I found is it doesn\u2019t get any easier the older you get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re still very different. I had to smile about you and Tim, because that could kind of describe our marriage too. Barbara\u2019s a planner\u2014she likes to know what\u2019s coming and what\u2019s going on. She\u2019s a strategic thinker\u2014and I am, too, to some degree; but I\u2019m a free spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>But you\u2019re also a ready-shoot-aim bit of a guy, or a party waiting to take place, or \u201cLet\u2019s go adventure\u201d, and there\u2019s nothing wrong with that; but we have to work as a team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How would you coach somebody, in the heat of the moment, when your spouse has disappointed you? You are ticked off \/ you\u2019re disappointed, and you want to get back at them. You want to put your fingers on the scales and say: \u201cYou\u2019re wrong. I\u2019m right!\u201d How do they, at that moment, allow Jesus Christ to live in and through them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong><br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, I\u2019m going to give you my answer to this. It\u2019s a simple thing\u2014that, if you go to this every time, it\u2019ll guide you. Everything she wants to do back to him\u2014just ask yourself this question: \u201cIs that how God treats me when I push His buttons like this? Is that what God does with me? Does He write me off? Does He let me have it? Does He vaporize me? Does He marginalize me? Does He punish me? Does He give me the silent treatment? No.\u201d Just simply treat your spouse, in that moment, the way God treats you when you act the same way. That has been our guideline. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the way you find out how God treats people\u2014is you get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>You get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>You do. You have to know about God and His love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s really\u2014as I was thinking about how I\u2019d answer your question, I was thinking back to what Darcy said, at the very beginning: \u201cIt\u2019s what your life is filled up with that is what\u2019s going to come out.\u201d If your question is: \u201cIn the heat of the moment, how do you rally?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, at that point, we\u2019ve got to find out: \u201cWhat are you filled up with\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cin the heat of the moment?\u201d Because, if you wait until the heat of the moment and go, \u201cI better come up with something Christian to do now,\u201d that isn\u2019t going to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to be so filled up with God, on a daily basis\u2014on a moment-to-moment basis\u2014that when you get provoked, what comes out is the God that you\u2019re filled up with. That\u2019s where I think being in the Word \/ spending time in prayer\u2014those kinds of disciplines, as you fill up with Jesus\u2014then, when time comes, that\u2019s what you\u2019ve got to pour out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And as you find out how God treats you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It is. But don\u2019t you think a lot of the people just say, \u201cI really didn\u2019t want to hear that answer,\u201d because we\u2019re a Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> generation? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want a technique\u2014I want an app for that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u201cI want an app for that. I want to Google, \u2018Best practices.\u2019 Give me two or three things, and I do it.\u201d And I think this is why we all fall short\u2014this is about <em>relationship<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA grace-filled marriage starts with a grace-filled relationship through the Savior. It goes back to the cross. This is about the gospel\u2014with sweat all over it\u2014that\u2019s all we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; you are saying, \u201cYou cannot impart\u201d\u2014and I remember Howard Hendricks saying this in class\u2014he went to Dallas Seminary too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He made the statement, \u201cYou cannot impart what you do not possess.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, it means that you have to be a partaker in the grace of God. I\u2019m just sitting here and I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThere has to be a listener, who is going: \u2018I don\u2019t know what you four are talking about. I\u2019m lost.\u2019\u201d They don\u2019t know the grace of God \/ they don\u2019t know Jesus Christ. How do they become a partaker of grace, Tim? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>When we realize that the God who made us\u2014realize that there is no way we could have relationship with Him because of the sin in our own life\u2014that He loved us enough to intervene, in time and space\u2014take on human flesh, climb up on a cross, and ask us to marry Him on a cross\u2014and He gave His life as a substitute for our sin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you simply just put your faith in what He did on the cross for you and say: \u201cJesus, I need you. Please forgive me. Set me free from my sin,\u201d\u2014just like that\u2014He enters our life, and He does set us free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the process, we get all of God too; and we get all of His grace. He says: \u201cNow, let Me grow My grace in your heart. Let Me transplant My heart into you.\u201d The first few decade or two of ours, it was a lot of autumn season and winter season in our relationship\u2014but as we let God continue to grow in our life\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to that person who wants to do that, right now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014take his hand or her hand in yours and put it in the hands of God to explain\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do what you did with Darcy\u2014back in the car, back when you were kids\u2014because <em>you<\/em>\u2014our listeners don\u2019t know this\u2014but you were the one who led your wife to Christ, prior to you guys getting married; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. We were\u2014she was 15, and I was 16. We were just on the front-side of my own faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re here\u2014and you are listening to us, right now, and you realize, \u201cThe missing ingredient in my life is this grace, but even bigger, it\u2019s Jesus,\u201d you can invite Him into your life, right now, simply by faith. Just repeat this prayer after me in your heart\u2014just say, \u201cDear Jesus, I need you. I know that I\u2019m a sinner; and because of my sin, I\u2019m lost. I know now that You love me, and You gave Your life for me. So, please forgive me. Come into my heart, Jesus, and make my life new. Amen.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you just prayed that prayer, God heard you. He took up housekeeping in your heart. He wants to set you free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He declared you, \u201cNot guilty.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned that on the cross, Jesus Christ asked to marry us. He paid the dowry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He paid the price to get us into heaven and into a relationship with Almighty God. In 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, verse 17, as a listener, if you just prayed that prayer, you ought to write this address down\u20142 Corinthians 5:17\u2014it says, \u201cTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it goes on to talk about how all of this is the result of God having reconciled us to Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is not\u2014this is not a fable. This is not just some kind of story. This is God\u2014who became a real person, dwelt among people, went to a cross, died, defeated death,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and today is seated at the right hand of God, the Father, and can offer you eternal life because He has defeated death and has died for your sins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>On our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, there\u2019s a link that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live,\u201d that really maps out what you\u2019re talking about here, Dennis, because each one of us has made the decision to either live a self-directed life or to live a God-directed life. That\u2019s the fundamental question that all of us have to ask: \u201cWho is directing our steps? Who is calling the shots? Who <em>should<\/em> be calling the shots in our life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014and click the link there that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live,\u201d because I think it does lay out for you the question that each one of us has to wrestle with. We have to decide who\u2019s going to be in control of our life\u2014is it us, or is it God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile you\u2019re on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, look for information about Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2019s book, <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt explains why grace is maybe the most important word for your marriage. It affects everything\u2014it affects forgiveness, and security, and significance, and approval, and intimacy. Without grace, nothing works. But when grace is present, a marriage can thrive. You can order a copy of the book <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em> from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order at 1-800-FLTODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention that this week and next week <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners have the opportunity to sign up to attend one of our upcoming FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. We\u2019re going to be hosting these getaways in cities all across the country this spring. If you sign up today for an upcoming getaway\u2014you come at the regular price, and your spouse comes free. It\u2019s the best offer we make throughout the year, but it\u2019s a limited offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to sign up this week or next week to take advantage of what we\u2019re offering here. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for details, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and plan to join us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more about the importance of grace in your marriage. Tim and Darcy Kimmel will be back with us. Hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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you show your spouse grace? Tim and Darcy Kimmel know what it means to give and receive grace, and they share some grace moments from their own marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-01-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not enough for a husband or a wife to have love for a spouse in marriage. Tim Kimmel says, \u201cIt has to be the right kind of love from the right source.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>The difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy\u2014it is: \u201cGod\u2019s love for me is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy.\u201d What we tend to want to do is say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love that I have for Darcy.\u201d That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my<\/em> love. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, January 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us today to help us find out how we can have a marriage that is filled with grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSounds good; doesn\u2019t it? We\u2019ll talk about it today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, I have known our guests today for more than two decades. You\u2019ve known them longer than I have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But it wasn\u2019t until I read their book on marriage that I realized that Tim has a background in hairstyling. Did you know about this? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, I somehow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you miss this part of the book? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I somehow missed that part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ll have to ask him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I know when he was\u2014he wrote a book called <em>Grace Based Parenting<\/em>. I knew that one of his kids had their hair\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014was it neon? What was it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>It was a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That, too, and a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But ask him. After you introduce him, ask him about the hairstyling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I do know the story. First of all, Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, tell us about braiding Darcy\u2019s hair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, she had gone on a trip to visit her mother, and we had young kids. Two of them are girls\u2014long hair\u2014left me in charge. I did my best. But apparently, one of her friends ratted-me-out\u2014that it was just a nightmare what I\u2019d done with the girls for church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019d say \u201cratted-you-out\u201d implied what the hair looked like. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, it was not an A-plus braid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>No, no; it wasn\u2019t even a braid. I didn\u2019t know what I was doing. So, Darcy got back. She heard about this and said, \u201cLook,\u201d\u2014we put the kids to bed. She said, \u201cTonight, after we put the kids down, I want to teach you to do something, even if you don\u2019t do it well. It\u2019s going to be better than what you\u2019ve been doing. I want to teach you to French braid hair.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat night, after we put the kids down, I was very concerned that\u2014I thought, \u201cHas she gone camo?\u201d or \u201cIs somebody is going to come and steal my man-card or whatever if they catch me doing this?\u201d One of my friends came over and I said, \u201cLook, I\u2019m just looking for junk in her hair. Don\u2019t worry about it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, I put a fire in the fireplace. We had some music on, from back when we were in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was sitting kind of cross-legged, and I followed her instructions. It hit me\u2014when you look at a woman\u2019s braided hair, going down the back of her head, it looks like two strands of hair overlapping in kind of a herringbone style. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It looks like two, but I was holding three in my hand. As I was weaving them together to look like two\u2014it looked very beautiful\u2014I thought: \u201cYou know, when we weave Jesus into our marriage, people are seeing two\u2014but there are three there. And He makes all the difference in the world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I had the opportunity to speak at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>getaway in Philadelphia, back a few months ago, and that message brings a lot of encouragement and hope. In fact, one of the people, who was at the conference, wrote to us later and said: \u201cBecause I believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose again from the dead, I also believe that the Lord can and will restore my marriage. Thank you, FamilyLife, for that reminder and for that hope.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a lot of times couples lose heart and lose hope in a marriage because they lose sight of the need for a relationship to be centered in grace and to be centered on Christ. You guys have written a book called <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em> that we\u2019re going to talk about today; but I just want to, here on the front of the program, let our listeners know that if you\u2019d like to attend one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways this spring, we\u2019re going to be hosting these in more than 85 cities all across the country this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to attend, and you sign up this week or next week, you pay for yourself and your spouse comes free. This is the best offer we make to listeners throughout the year. Sign up now to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014you pay for yourself and your spouse comes free. You can take advantage of this offer by going to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and register online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call if you have any questions\u20141-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number. Find a weekend and a location that works for you, and then plan to join us at one of these fun, romantic weekend getaways for couples\u2014the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can call 1-800-FLTODAY to take advantage of the special offer here for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>;and again, the offer is good this week and next week and then it goes away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, one of the things you\u2019ll learn at the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>is how vital it is for a marriage to be a grace-filled marriage, which is the title of the book that you guys have written, that we\u2019re going to talk about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I wanted to ask you, Darcy\u2014is: \u201cCan you illustrate what grace looks like, coming from Tim?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I think, as so many other couples, we come from different directions. We\u2019re very different. Of course, we didn\u2019t realize how different that was until we got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I am a planner\u2014I am a detail person. Tim is much more spontaneous. He doesn\u2019t\u2014you know, he doesn\u2019t care what\u2019s around the corner. He just wants to go and look. I like to know what\u2019s around the corner before I turn that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has been very gracious to me in being patient with me\u2014not taking me too fast \/ too far when\u2014especially in ministry\u2014you know, there are a lot of things that you don\u2019t know in ministry. So, he\u2019s been very patient with me. That\u2019s grace, coming from him, because it drives him nuts! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Patience is an aspect of grace; but Tim, as you describe it in the book, grace is bigger than just being patient; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. Grace is giving somebody something they desperately need but don\u2019t necessarily deserve. That\u2019s what happened at the cross when Jesus intervened, in time and space, for all of us. He gave us grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I look at our marriages, I think we tend to lead with the word, \u201clove.\u201d Love is an intrinsic part of just about anybody\u2019s life. That\u2019s what we share\u2014our vows of love\u2014but I think the missing ingredient, in most people\u2019s marriage, is not love. I believe it is grace. When they bring God\u2019s grace to center-stage\u2014now, that love can endure and get stronger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if God\u2019s grace is giving me what I need but don\u2019t deserve\u2014then grace, in a marriage, is when we give one another things we need but don\u2019t deserve? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. I think the problem with us human beings\u2014even us Christian human beings\u2014is that, when we get married\u2014like it or not\u2014we tend to keep a tally sheet in our hand. We\u2019re keeping score as we go. We feel that that is completely legitimate, even though we would\u2014to our dying breath\u2014say, \u201cWe love each other incredibly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut because we are keeping score, it\u2019s easy to start to think, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t think they are pulling their part of the deal on this\u201d; or we start a quid pro quo arrangement. This is the antithesis of the way God deals with us. So, all we\u2019re saying, in this book, is, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we treat our spouse the way God treats His spouse\u2014with grace?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the tally sheet can work well into the marriage as long as the feelings are there to overwhelm your spouse\u2019s deficit; but when the feelings are gone, or they ebb away, you\u2019ve got a problem, at that point, of: \u201cHow am I going to relate to this other broken person who\u2019s not meeting my needs?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked up a definition of grace from my Logos Bible study Software, which I really like\u2014it says, \u201cGod\u2019s grace confronts our rebellion and our indifference with an inexhaustible capacity to forgive and to bless.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like that picture\u2014that it\u2019s God responding to <em>us<\/em>, in our indifference and our rebellion\u2014and what spouse hasn\u2019t had indifference to us or rebellion to what we wanted to do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDarcy, I\u2019m thinking about you\u2014you know\u2014you\u2019re throwing out anchors, left and right, for Mr. Free-Spirit over here you\u2019ve been married to for more than four decades. He, sometimes, can look at you and go, \u201cShe\u2019s in rebellion. She won\u2019t follow me. She won\u2019t go where I want her to go when I want her to go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. I mean, I can irritate him to no end; and I know the buttons I can push. Sometimes, I want to push them; because I want a little payback\u2014you know?\u2014on him. [Laughter] But, I mean, that\u2019s not being gracious. That\u2019s not giving him what he actually needs\u2014it\u2019s giving him what I want him to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what you guys are calling us to do in our marriage\u2014is calling us to allow Jesus Christ to live <em>in <\/em>and <em>through<\/em> us and express that inexhaustible forgiveness and the ability to bless another person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Bless another person\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think one of the key things you point people to, early-on in the book, is the fact that a lot of couples\u2014in a marriage where there is conflict, where there is chafing, where you\u2019re just not syncing-up the way you\u2019d like to\u2014they think, \u201cWell, we just need to try harder to make our marriage work.\u201d You\u2019re saying that\u2019s a recipe for failure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Absolutely; because the punch line of this book is probably one that\u2014when I say it, a lot of people are going to say, \u201cThat\u2019s a little abstract for me\u201d; but what we tend to want to do is\u2014I say, \u201cI\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love I have for Darcy.\u201d That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, that it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my <\/em>love for God. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. Give it the right circumstances, and it\u2019s going to wane. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy; it is God\u2019s love for <em>me<\/em> is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy. This is very different, Dennis; but when I let God flow through me\u2014now, it\u2019s coming at her\u2014now, she has the infinite, all-powerful love of God working through me. I\u2019m still a vessel, walking on feet of clay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI quote you all the time, saying, \u201cGod picks up crooked sticks and draws straight lines all the time.\u201d You\u2019ve said that over and over again, Dennis; but that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about. I am a crooked stick, but God can do something in us that is a game-changer, all the way around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; if your source for loving your spouse is your internal reservoir of love, you will run out of that quickly; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Oh, so soon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if your source is tapped to the inexhaustible supply\u2014that you talked about in your definition of grace\u2014then all you are is a conduit for the grace of God to flow through you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I had a conversation with a man recently. He\u2019d been married a couple of decades to his wife, and they had hit a wall. He said, \u201cWe had a breakthrough in our marriage, because I ultimately came to the conclusion I could no longer do what she needed me to do. I couldn\u2019t love her the way she needed to be loved.\u201d He said, \u201cThe breakthrough came when I admitted I couldn\u2019t do it, but God could.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>But God could. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what we\u2019re talking about here is the filling of the Holy Spirit. If you\u2019re a believer in Jesus Christ, you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. He came to produce fruit in your life. In Galatians 5, where it mentions the fruit\u2014the first one is love: \u201cLove, joy, peace, patience, kindness\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what the Holy Spirit came to produce <em>in<\/em> and <em>through<\/em> you to exhibit that to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>We thought a lot about Bill Bright as we were writing this book because he <em>always <\/em>married the Holy Spirit \/ the filling of the Holy Spirit with our salvation. So many times we forget that the Holy Spirit gives us the power to live out that salvation\u2014especially in marriage because, as Bob said, we get to the end of our resources so quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we think: \u201cOh, I just got to try harder. I\u2019ve got to read another book. I\u2019ve got to do this. Let me see my checklist.\u201d It\u2019s very discouraging for couples that give it their all, and yet they are not tapping into God\u2019s power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It can still seem abstract to folks to be talking about drawing on your own internal reserves of love versus drawing on the love of God to flow through you. We can understand that in terms of a metaphor; but in terms of how we do that on a daily basis, Darcy, how can you tell when you are utilizing resources that are outside of you rather than resources that are inside of you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I can tell by the result\u2014it\u2019s usually a lot more positive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery morning, I try to fill up my heart with God\u2019s Word because it\u2019s true \/ it\u2019s powerful. It reminds me of how much God loves <em>me<\/em>. That\u2019s my model for how I am to love Tim. That helps me\u2014then, of course, prayer. I mean, you just cry out to God. You just say: \u201cI can\u2019t do this! I don\u2019t like him, let alone love him, right now. You\u2019re going to have to <em>love<\/em> him through me.\u201d And God is faithful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what my friend did\u2014my friend who said: \u201cI came to the end of myself. I told my wife, \u2018I cannot provide what you need.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cWe had a time of prayer and we just cried out to God: \u2018God, would You help us <em>love<\/em> the way You designed us as human beings to exhibit that love?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was a couple weeks after he had had this \u201cbreakthrough\u201d with his wife, but he was talking about the residue, like you\u2019re talking about\u2014the results. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were there. Both of them were relating to each other differently than they had been. They\u2019d been missing each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that Barbara and I found is it doesn\u2019t get any easier the older you get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re still very different. I had to smile about you and Tim, because that could kind of describe our marriage too. Barbara\u2019s a planner\u2014she likes to know what\u2019s coming and what\u2019s going on. She\u2019s a strategic thinker\u2014and I am, too, to some degree; but I\u2019m a free spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>But you\u2019re also a ready-shoot-aim bit of a guy, or a party waiting to take place, or \u201cLet\u2019s go adventure\u201d, and there\u2019s nothing wrong with that; but we have to work as a team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How would you coach somebody, in the heat of the moment, when your spouse has disappointed you? You are ticked off \/ you\u2019re disappointed, and you want to get back at them. You want to put your fingers on the scales and say: \u201cYou\u2019re wrong. I\u2019m right!\u201d How do they, at that moment, allow Jesus Christ to live in and through them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong><br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, I\u2019m going to give you my answer to this. It\u2019s a simple thing\u2014that, if you go to this every time, it\u2019ll guide you. Everything she wants to do back to him\u2014just ask yourself this question: \u201cIs that how God treats me when I push His buttons like this? Is that what God does with me? Does He write me off? Does He let me have it? Does He vaporize me? Does He marginalize me? Does He punish me? Does He give me the silent treatment? No.\u201d Just simply treat your spouse, in that moment, the way God treats you when you act the same way. That has been our guideline. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the way you find out how God treats people\u2014is you get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>You get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>You do. You have to know about God and His love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s really\u2014as I was thinking about how I\u2019d answer your question, I was thinking back to what Darcy said, at the very beginning: \u201cIt\u2019s what your life is filled up with that is what\u2019s going to come out.\u201d If your question is: \u201cIn the heat of the moment, how do you rally?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, at that point, we\u2019ve got to find out: \u201cWhat are you filled up with\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cin the heat of the moment?\u201d Because, if you wait until the heat of the moment and go, \u201cI better come up with something Christian to do now,\u201d that isn\u2019t going to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to be so filled up with God, on a daily basis\u2014on a moment-to-moment basis\u2014that when you get provoked, what comes out is the God that you\u2019re filled up with. That\u2019s where I think being in the Word \/ spending time in prayer\u2014those kinds of disciplines, as you fill up with Jesus\u2014then, when time comes, that\u2019s what you\u2019ve got to pour out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And as you find out how God treats you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It is. But don\u2019t you think a lot of the people just say, \u201cI really didn\u2019t want to hear that answer,\u201d because we\u2019re a Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> generation? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want a technique\u2014I want an app for that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u201cI want an app for that. I want to Google, \u2018Best practices.\u2019 Give me two or three things, and I do it.\u201d And I think this is why we all fall short\u2014this is about <em>relationship<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA grace-filled marriage starts with a grace-filled relationship through the Savior. It goes back to the cross. This is about the gospel\u2014with sweat all over it\u2014that\u2019s all we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; you are saying, \u201cYou cannot impart\u201d\u2014and I remember Howard Hendricks saying this in class\u2014he went to Dallas Seminary too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He made the statement, \u201cYou cannot impart what you do not possess.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, it means that you have to be a partaker in the grace of God. I\u2019m just sitting here and I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThere has to be a listener, who is going: \u2018I don\u2019t know what you four are talking about. I\u2019m lost.\u2019\u201d They don\u2019t know the grace of God \/ they don\u2019t know Jesus Christ. How do they become a partaker of grace, Tim? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>When we realize that the God who made us\u2014realize that there is no way we could have relationship with Him because of the sin in our own life\u2014that He loved us enough to intervene, in time and space\u2014take on human flesh, climb up on a cross, and ask us to marry Him on a cross\u2014and He gave His life as a substitute for our sin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you simply just put your faith in what He did on the cross for you and say: \u201cJesus, I need you. Please forgive me. Set me free from my sin,\u201d\u2014just like that\u2014He enters our life, and He does set us free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the process, we get all of God too; and we get all of His grace. He says: \u201cNow, let Me grow My grace in your heart. Let Me transplant My heart into you.\u201d The first few decade or two of ours, it was a lot of autumn season and winter season in our relationship\u2014but as we let God continue to grow in our life\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to that person who wants to do that, right now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014take his hand or her hand in yours and put it in the hands of God to explain\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do what you did with Darcy\u2014back in the car, back when you were kids\u2014because <em>you<\/em>\u2014our listeners don\u2019t know this\u2014but you were the one who led your wife to Christ, prior to you guys getting married; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. We were\u2014she was 15, and I was 16. We were just on the front-side of my own faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re here\u2014and you are listening to us, right now, and you realize, \u201cThe missing ingredient in my life is this grace, but even bigger, it\u2019s Jesus,\u201d you can invite Him into your life, right now, simply by faith. Just repeat this prayer after me in your heart\u2014just say, \u201cDear Jesus, I need you. I know that I\u2019m a sinner; and because of my sin, I\u2019m lost. I know now that You love me, and You gave Your life for me. So, please forgive me. Come into my heart, Jesus, and make my life new. Amen.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you just prayed that prayer, God heard you. He took up housekeeping in your heart. He wants to set you free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He declared you, \u201cNot guilty.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned that on the cross, Jesus Christ asked to marry us. He paid the dowry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He paid the price to get us into heaven and into a relationship with Almighty God. In 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, verse 17, as a listener, if you just prayed that prayer, you ought to write this address down\u20142 Corinthians 5:17\u2014it says, \u201cTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it goes on to talk about how all of this is the result of God having reconciled us to Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is not\u2014this is not a fable. This is not just some kind of story. This is God\u2014who became a real person, dwelt among people, went to a cross, died, defeated death,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and today is seated at the right hand of God, the Father, and can offer you eternal life because He has defeated death and has died for your sins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>On our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, there\u2019s a link that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live,\u201d that really maps out what you\u2019re talking about here, Dennis, because each one of us has made the decision to either live a self-directed life or to live a God-directed life. That\u2019s the fundamental question that all of us have to ask: \u201cWho is directing our steps? Who is calling the shots? Who <em>should<\/em> be calling the shots in our life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014and click the link there that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live,\u201d because I think it does lay out for you the question that each one of us has to wrestle with. We have to decide who\u2019s going to be in control of our life\u2014is it us, or is it God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile you\u2019re on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, look for information about Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2019s book, <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt explains why grace is maybe the most important word for your marriage. It affects everything\u2014it affects forgiveness, and security, and significance, and approval, and intimacy. Without grace, nothing works. But when grace is present, a marriage can thrive. You can order a copy of the book <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em> from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order at 1-800-FLTODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention that this week and next week <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners have the opportunity to sign up to attend one of our upcoming FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. We\u2019re going to be hosting these getaways in cities all across the country this spring. If you sign up today for an upcoming getaway\u2014you come at the regular price, and your spouse comes free. It\u2019s the best offer we make throughout the year, but it\u2019s a limited offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to sign up this week or next week to take advantage of what we\u2019re offering here. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for details, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and plan to join us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more about the importance of grace in your marriage. Tim and Darcy Kimmel will be back with us. Hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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