{"id":304252,"date":"2016-11-15T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-11-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/encouraging-your-husband-to-lead\/"},"modified":"2016-11-15T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-11-15T17:00:00","slug":"encouraging-your-husband-to-lead","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/encouraging-your-husband-to-lead\/","title":{"rendered":"Encouraging Your Husband to Lead"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey invites young women to encourage their husbands to lead, and follow when they do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-15.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.11M","filesize_raw":"25283255","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2831],"tags":[6118,6115,6117,6116,5482,6119],"podcast_series":[8175],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304252","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wives","tag-christian-husband","tag-following-your-husbands-leadership","tag-husband-is-the-leader-of-the-home","tag-marriage-is-a-dance","tag-spiritual-leadership","tag-wife-role-in-marriage","podcast_series-affirming-your-husbands-leadership","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304252\/encouraging-your-husband-to-lead","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304252\/encouraging-your-husband-to-lead","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"AWoZGrGarw\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/encouraging-your-husband-to-lead\/\">Encouraging Your Husband to Lead<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/encouraging-your-husband-to-lead\/embed\/#?secret=AWoZGrGarw\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Encouraging Your Husband to Lead&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"AWoZGrGarw\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of young wives who wish their husbands would take more initiative\u2014lead more effectively. Barbara Rainey says, \u201cBe patient.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The challenge for young wives, like my daughters and their friends in this generation, is for them to encourage their young husbands to lead and then sit back and wait for them to do it. That\u2019s the hard part\u2014is the sitting back and waiting for them to do it\u2014because we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the ball \/ we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the task, or the suggestion, or the hint and run with it. Chances are they\u2019re not going to as quickly as you would like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk to Barbara Rainey today about what a wife can do to encourage and motivate her husband to be the man God wants him to be. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think\u2014men can go one of two ways, as husbands\u2014they can either be harsh, and authoritarian, and abusive; or they can be weak, and passive, and not engaged. Do you think more guys are the first or the second?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t have any research other than my own experience. I would say more of us are lazy rather than too dominant. I think there are a lot more passive men today. In fact, I think there\u2019s a lot that is occurring in our culture that is seeking to discourage a man from being a man and from attempting to lead, even if he does it wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019d be my guess. Let me see what my wife thinks. This would be an interesting question for her. Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Sweetheart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I would agree with you. I think that there are a lot of women who would like for their husbands to lead. I don\u2019t think they exactly know what that looks like \/ I don\u2019t know that they could define it; but they sense, intuitively, that that\u2019s what he\u2019s supposed to do. They want him to be more involved with the kids, or they want him to be more involved in what is going on around the house, or\u2014and that\u2019s leadership. So, they\u2019re looking for <em>more<\/em> from their husbands; and they don\u2019t know what it looks like. They\u2019re not getting it, and they\u2019re frustrated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like the definition of leadership\u2014I\u2019m not sure who said it\u2014but someone said, \u201cA leader is a person who will take others someplace they wouldn\u2019t go by themselves.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, that takes energy, Bob\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to convince people to follow and then to keep on following and to go where they wouldn\u2019t go by themselves. That\u2019s why I would say the easiest thing to do for a man is nothing. It\u2019s just to pack it in and let somebody else lead \/ let somebody else attempt to overcome resistance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019minterested in your response that you think that wives today desire having a husband who leads because, \u201cWives have come a long way, baby.\u201d I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We have come a long way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014this is a new era. I think there are a lot of young wives, who are saying: \u201cI don\u2019t want some guy who thinks he\u2019s supposed to be in charge. I want this thing to be more equal \/ more shared. Honestly, when it comes right down to it, I\u2019m a better natural leader than my husband is\u2014so things work better at our house when I\u2019m in charge.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I think that, in their heart of hearts, if they were honest with themselves, I think they <em>want him<\/em> to lead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur daughter just recently got married. One of the things that I personally am so encouraged about for her is that she has always had this fearful tendency. She would wake up when she would hear things in the middle of the night. Not too long ago\u2014six months ago\u2014she thought she heard something outside her bedroom window. She was awake for two or three hours in the night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, now, if she hears something outside the bedroom window, she\u2019s going to go: \u201cJosh! Did you hear that? What was that?\u201d and he\u2019s going to go, \u201cHuh? Huh? I have no idea.\u201d [Laughter] <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>She\u2019ll shake him some more and she\u2019ll say, \u201cDid you hear that?!\u201d Josh will do something about it, because that\u2019s what she wants him to do. She doesn\u2019t want to say: \u201cOh, stay asleep. I\u2019m going to go see what\u2019s happening in the backyard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, intuitively, as women, we want that leadership\u2014we want that man that we have married to take care of us\u2014at our core. Yes, we struggle with leadership; and yes, sometimes we think we could do it better; but I think it\u2019s the way God made us, as women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod made us, in the very beginning, to pair with a man\u2014to partner with a man \/ to fit together with a man\u2014for him to provide what I was lacking. I, as a woman, provide what my husband, as a man, is lacking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Help a husband understand, Sweetheart, why\u2014when he tries to lead\u2014his wife will battle him for control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> You\u2019ve never experienced that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re just saying this hypothetically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is just theoretical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is just hypothetical; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Of course! You\u2019ve never experienced that; have you? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; are you kidding me? [Laughter] I had <em>no<\/em> idea what I was getting\u2014I mean, <em>seriously<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, neither did I. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I out-married\u2014I out-married myself. I mean, honestly, she has challenged me, in her strength, to become a stronger man. Now, I could have caved into that; but there were times when you challenged me in my leadership, early on in our marriage, and I could have just caved in and given up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tExplain what a woman should do though, if her husband is\u2014is doing that\u2014he\u2019s just giving up \/ caving in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think, first, she has to start and look at it and say: \u201cOkay; what\u2014what am I <em>looking<\/em> for that I\u2019m not getting? Is it his <em>style<\/em>? Is he not leading the way I want him to? Is he not doing it the way I <em>wish<\/em> he would do it? Is he not doing it the way <em>I<\/em> would do it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Or \u201cIs he just not leading at all?\u201d Those are two <em>very<\/em> distinct questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember early in our marriage, I had this idea\u2014because I\u2019d read all these books about what a Christian marriage was supposed to look like\u2014and one of the things I picked up in my reading was\u2014was that a husband was supposed to lead his wife spiritually. I concluded that what that meant was that Dennis was going to lead me in having quiet times, or in Bible study, or\u2014I don\u2019t know what it all was, because that was a long time ago\u2014but I had these impressions in my head of what I thought he was supposed to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A spiritual checklist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It was a checklist! And he didn\u2019t do it the way I thought he should do it. Therefore, I became critical\u2014but it was because I had this idea in my head of the way it was supposed to be, and he wasn\u2019t measuring up; so therefore, he was failing <em>rather than<\/em> looking at him\u2014which I was finally able to do\u2014and recognizing that he\u2019s just going to do it differently than I am. The way I would do it, as a more structured person, is going to be <em>very<\/em> different than the way he would do it, as a more spontaneous person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the kind of give and take \/ that\u2019s the kind of learning that needs to happen in a marriage so that, as a wife\u2014and I understand he <em>is<\/em> going to lead\u2014he <em>does<\/em> want to lead me spiritually \/ he <em>does<\/em> want to lead our family spiritually\u2014but it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> going to look like what I thought it should look like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve had the running joke at our house, where Mary Ann and I have looked at each other and I\u2019ve said, \u201cMary Ann wants me to lead as long as I do exactly what she wants me to do!\u201d She wants me to make the same choices she would make. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She just wants me to be out in front doing what she would do if she was out in front. Well, that\u2019s not leadership. [Laughter] In fact, Russell Moore says this\u2014he says, \u201cFor a wife to submit,\u201d\u2014we haven\u2019t brought up the <em>submit<\/em> word here, but it\u2019s a biblical word\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cFor a wife to submit to her husband\u2014that only begins when she disagrees with his leadership. It\u2019s not submission to go along with your husband if he\u2019s doing what you want him to do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That is true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat\u2019s just\u2014that\u2019s just <em>agreement.<\/em>\u201d He says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s submission that begins when you go, \u2018That is not what I think you ought to do, but I\u2019ll back off and let you lead.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that\u2019s a\u2014that\u2019s a scary proposition for a wife that\u2014as we\u2019ve said, I think more wives today are facing the dilemma of a husband, who says, \u201cYou know, whatever\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwhat do you want us to do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that can be equally maddening for a wife than a husband, who is saying, \u201cWe\u2019re doing this, and I don\u2019t care what you think.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the challenge for women in this generation\u2014for young wives, like my daughters and their friends in this generation\u2014is for them to encourage their young husbands to lead and then sit back and wait for them to do it. That\u2019s the hard part\u2014it\u2019s the sitting back and waiting for them to do it\u2014because we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the ball \/ we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the task, or the suggestion, or the hint and run with it. Chances are they\u2019re not going to as quickly as you would like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has to fail; he has to fall; he has to make some mistakes. You may have to have the conversation\u2014what feels to you like hundreds of times\u2014before it finally dawns on him that this is really important to you, and this would really be helpful to you, and this would really be better for your family if he would do this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a challenge for young women today to encourage her husband to lead\u2014to believe in him and say, \u201cI know you can do this, and I trust you that you will,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014however she wants to phrase it so that it speaks to him\u2014and then for her to wait for him to try, realizing that he may fail. We, as wives, have to give grace for the times\u2014when he fails, when he makes mistakes, when he doesn\u2019t do it the right way\u2014and be willing to find the good \/ be willing to find what was right\u2014to thank him for it, praise him for it, and encourage him so that he\u2019ll go: \u201cOh! That worked. Okay; I can do that again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a man feels like he\u2019s being criticized, when he feels like his wife is scowling at him and communicating failure, he\u2019s just\u2014I can understand! He\u2019s going to go: \u201cWell, heck\u2014shoot! Why should I try again?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. Here\u2019s how I\u2019ve said that: \u201cIf a guy is out playing a game\u2014and he realizes, after two or three times\u2014\u2018I\u2019m just not very good at this game,\u2019\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughter] Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201che doesn\u2019t say: \u2018Well, I\u2019m going to go play that again. That\u2019s really <em>fun<\/em> to go play a game that I\u2019m no good at!\u2019 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou know, you try two or three times on the golf course and you go, \u2018I\u2019m just not all this good at golf.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe\u2019ll just say, \u2018I\u2019m going to try a different hobby.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, if a husband is trying to lead, and his wife says: \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re just no good at this.\u201d He goes: \u201cOkay; well, I\u2019m going to go do something else. I\u2019m good at watching ESPN. [Laughter] I\u2019ll just watch that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Or if he\u2014or if he tries, and she\u2019s battling him for it. That\u2019s really why Barbara has written this book we\u2019re talking about\u2014it\u2019s <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. It\u2019s a unique book because the book is actually\u2014how many letters that are kind of manufactured from a daughter back to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know how many total; but each chapter has between three and five letters\u2014from either conversations I\u2019ve had with my daughters or conversations with other young women\u2014and questions that they\u2019ve asked me through the years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s one on this subject\u2014it says [reading from the book]: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDear Mom, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook, I know it\u2019s worked for you and Dad. I\u2019m happy for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, I smile thinking about the two of you; but in today\u2019s society and in my own contemporary marriage, I\u2019m really having a hard time with this idea of submitting to the hubs [Laughter \/ H-U-B-S] as if I\u2019m lower than he is! I\u2019m sorry, but it just doesn\u2019t fly with me. I think we can make it work, just differently than you and Dad did. Can you still bless that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I love\u2014I love how Barbara begins, Bob, to answer the letter from\u2014not one of our daughters or daughters-in-law\u2014but here\u2019s what she says:\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDear daughter and her sisters, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike fingernails on a chalkboard, submission has grated women for centuries. You\u2019re not the first to question its legitimacy. It really does grate women, but it is what men need today from their wives. Ultimately, they need to know that their wife <em>will<\/em> follow if they lead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think the reason that it\u2019s such a hard word for us is because we <em>so<\/em> misunderstand what it means. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think of it as being a place that we are put into by our husband. We think of submission in such negative, distressing terms that the whole idea of even doing it therefore is just abhorrent! And yet, we have to go back to what God intends for submission to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we look at the big picture of God\u2019s plan for us, as people, God has designed a submission relationship for us with Him. My relationship with Christ\u2014my personal one-on-one relationship with Christ\u2014is where I am following Christ. I have chosen to give my life to Him \/ I have chosen to surrender my life to Him\u2014that means I\u2019ve chosen to follow Him. That means that I need to submit to Him\u2014so that means, when I read a verse and there\u2019s something in there that catches my attention, my responsibility is to obey it, to follow it, to submit to that instruction that I\u2019m finding in the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a picture of what marriage is supposed to be\u2014that God has designed this relationship\u2014where my husband is going to lead me where He wants to lead me and where I want Him to lead me\u2014but my responsibility is to follow. Now, if he\u2019s leading me somewhere that I think is wrong or that I don\u2019t understand\u2014and believe me\u2014I do not follow without asking a million questions most of the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Amen! Amen! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a part of the relationship. A relationship is a communication between two people. I ask questions. We talk about everything and, as Bob just said a minute ago, most of the time, we agree on the direction that we\u2019re going. Most of the time, it\u2019s not an issue of me choosing to submit and follow when it\u2019s not something that I agree with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have thought, through the years, there are probably only a handful of times over the 40-some years of our marriage when I have chosen to follow Dennis and to submit to him when I didn\u2019t agree with the direction he was taking us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we\u2019re talking about <em>total<\/em> disagreement, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve never seen that, I know, in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know exactly what you\u2019re talking about. [Laughter] Mary Ann and I would have the same kind of testimony\u2014that <em>most <\/em>of the time, after a lot of communication\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and after discussing priorities, and praying, and looking at what the Scriptures have to say\u2014we would \/ we would say, \u201cOkay; I think we\u2019ll go this way.\u201d Mary Ann might feel, \u201cWell, I\u2019d have a slight preference to go the other way; but it\u2019s not that big of a deal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cto <em>prefer<\/em> one thing over another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there have been those few times\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014when I\u2019ve said, \u201cI really think this is what God would have us do,\u201d\u2014and Mary Ann has said, \u201cI really think that\u2019s a <em>big<\/em> mistake.\u201d We got to an impasse; and she said, \u201cOkay.\u201d Boy, I tell you what\u2014when that weight is on your shoulders, as a husband\u2014Dennis, all of a sudden, it\u2019s like, \u201cI sure hope I\u2019m right about this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> How did that feel, by the way? I think we, wives, would like to know; because we sit on our side and we go, \u201cOh, this is so hard to follow,\u201d \u201cThis is so hard to\u2014I don\u2019t want to submit\u2014I think he\u2019s wrong!\u201d and we\u2019re grappling with how that feels. What does it feel like when we say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m following\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI sure hope\u2014I sure hope I\u2019m right!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019m thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because you\u2019re entrusting yourself to me in those moments to be able to go forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIf I\u2019m not right, and if there are consequences\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cHave I really heard her?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cHave I really listened to what her objections were?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then I\u2019m thinking, \u201cLord, have I really heard You? Or am I just pulling the way I want to pull because\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit benefits me? Or am I really trying to do what I think God\u2019s calling us to do here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s where I wish I could just reach through the radio and give young ladies, who are in marriages today, a hug and encouragement to get Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em> \u2014because the culture\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the culture wants to convince you that this is death!\u2014that to submit to your husband represents becoming some kind of non-person \/ that you become less or sub-human.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo! If you read the passage that Barbara was referring to earlier, Ephesians 5:24, it\u2019s very clear\u2014it says, \u201cNow as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.\u201d Now, let me ask you a question: \u201cWhen the church submits to Christ, is there <em>life<\/em> as a result of that? Do we experience blessing, and fruit, and peace, and enjoyment, and contentment, as we become what Christ made us to be?\u201d Of course! But now, when we pull the parallel out\u2014and there are those hard situations, where a wife has to come alongside her husband and submit to him\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014all of a sudden, it\u2019s like this is going to be death! It really is an issue of <em>faith<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to encourage you: <em>Don\u2019t believe the culture<\/em>! The culture is <em>lying<\/em> to you! The culture wants to destroy your marriage\u2014it wants to destroy your husband! The culture\u2014led by \/ by forces that are not on God\u2019s side\u2014the culture wants to convince you your husband is the enemy and to destroy your marriage in front of your kids, so they have a generational impact of a broken marriage!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The thing that I would add to that\u2014if I were sitting face to face, with some of these young women, who are listening, and just going: \u201cI \/ I don\u2019t buy this. I don\u2019t buy this,\u201d\u2014is I want to encourage you to say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you will choose to believe what the Bible says \/ if you will choose to <em>trust<\/em> God\u2019s plan\u2014His <em>pattern<\/em> for marriage\u2014don\u2019t you think that perhaps God might come through and you might witness\u2014you might be a part of \/ you might experience His hand?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014might you experience a miracle that only He can do? Can you believe that God can work through that situation, when you do choose to submit to your husband, when everything in you doesn\u2019t want to? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe answer is\u2014I think you can, and I think you will; because the Scripture is clear that, when we obey it, and when we follow it, and when we submit\u2014there\u2019s that word again\u2014to God\u2019s plan and His design, He will bless us \/ He will come through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there miracles waiting to happen in marriages, and we don\u2019t see them because we\u2019re not trusting God to provide them. We\u2019re not trusting God to do the work that <em>only<\/em> He can do. We only do what we think we can do on our own. When we do that, we\u2019re not going to see God at work in our lives and in our marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can we just say, here, that it\u2019s probably not a good strategy for a young wife to go to her husband and say: \u201cI wish you would lead more. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI wish you\u2019d just take better charge, and do a better job as a leader. I\u2019d be willing to follow if you would just do a better job of leading\u201d? [Laughter] That\u2019s probably not going to motivate him; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No\u2014and it is <em>way too<\/em> generic. I mean, how would you feel if the same statement were made of you, \u201cI just wish you\u2019d cook better,\u201d [Laughter] or something that\u2019s very broad and vague. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I say, over and over again, it\u2019s so important to have conversations so, as we talked about earlier, if you\u2019re having problems with him not coming home when he says he\u2019s going to, or not getting what he said he would get\u2014whatever it is\u2014it really doesn\u2019t matter\u2014if you have those conversations, and you seek to understand one another, then there are going to be less\u2014less conflict, because you will understand why this happened and then you can make a specific plan about a specific circumstance or situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have this question for husbands: \u201cAre you loving your wife in a way that makes it easier\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I didn\u2019t say it\u2019d make it easy\u2014\u201cthat makes it easier for her to live out God\u2019s responsibility for her, as a wife? What have you done in the last 24 hours to love, honor, cherish, nourish?\u2014give up your own life for your wife and get up out of your easy chair, from watching your games or playing video games\u2014or whatever\u2014and get in the game of life: Put the kids to bed, clean the kitchen, run the vacuum cleaner, and find a way to show her: \u2018I want you to know, Honey, I did that on behalf of you. I love you. I really do want to be your man.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019d be good for young husbands to get a copy of your [Dennis\u2019] book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, and young wives to get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. They can read them at the same time. I think there will be some benefit for both husband and wife in that process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out more about the book Barbara has written that has been out less than a year\u2014it\u2019s called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. Then Dennis\u2019 book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, is also available from us, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s for guys. Again, you can order from FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCongratulations are in order today for Dan and Korin Sutherland, who live in Mohrsville, Pennsylvania. Nineteen years ago today, the Sutherlands became husband and wife. We want to wish them a \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, one of our goals is to help more couples celebrate more anniversaries. We are The Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries\u2122. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe believe those kinds of marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. We\u2019re grateful for those of you who are a part of this mission, along with us\u2014those of you who make donations so that we can help more and more couples, together, strengthen their marriages and thrive in their family relationships\u2014that\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a resource that is designed to help you engage your children or your grandchildren\u2014particularly those who are ten and under\u2014engage them at Christmastime around the names of Jesus. It\u2019s a resource called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas.\u201d It\u2019s our gift to you when you support the ministry with a donation today. You can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to spend time talking to a man whose job it is to hear some of the most heartbreaking news anyone can hear, day in and day out. We will have a family court judge joining us tomorrow to tell us what life is like in his part of the world. Hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.11M"],"filesize_raw":["25283255"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304252.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304252.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Rainey invites young women to encourage their husbands to lead, and follow when they do.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of young wives who wish their husbands would take more initiative\u2014lead more effectively. Barbara Rainey says, \u201cBe patient.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The challenge for young wives, like my daughters and their friends in this generation, is for them to encourage their young husbands to lead and then sit back and wait for them to do it. That\u2019s the hard part\u2014is the sitting back and waiting for them to do it\u2014because we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the ball \/ we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the task, or the suggestion, or the hint and run with it. Chances are they\u2019re not going to as quickly as you would like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk to Barbara Rainey today about what a wife can do to encourage and motivate her husband to be the man God wants him to be. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think\u2014men can go one of two ways, as husbands\u2014they can either be harsh, and authoritarian, and abusive; or they can be weak, and passive, and not engaged. Do you think more guys are the first or the second?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t have any research other than my own experience. I would say more of us are lazy rather than too dominant. I think there are a lot more passive men today. In fact, I think there\u2019s a lot that is occurring in our culture that is seeking to discourage a man from being a man and from attempting to lead, even if he does it wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019d be my guess. Let me see what my wife thinks. This would be an interesting question for her. Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Sweetheart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I would agree with you. I think that there are a lot of women who would like for their husbands to lead. I don\u2019t think they exactly know what that looks like \/ I don\u2019t know that they could define it; but they sense, intuitively, that that\u2019s what he\u2019s supposed to do. They want him to be more involved with the kids, or they want him to be more involved in what is going on around the house, or\u2014and that\u2019s leadership. So, they\u2019re looking for <em>more<\/em> from their husbands; and they don\u2019t know what it looks like. They\u2019re not getting it, and they\u2019re frustrated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like the definition of leadership\u2014I\u2019m not sure who said it\u2014but someone said, \u201cA leader is a person who will take others someplace they wouldn\u2019t go by themselves.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, that takes energy, Bob\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to convince people to follow and then to keep on following and to go where they wouldn\u2019t go by themselves. That\u2019s why I would say the easiest thing to do for a man is nothing. It\u2019s just to pack it in and let somebody else lead \/ let somebody else attempt to overcome resistance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019minterested in your response that you think that wives today desire having a husband who leads because, \u201cWives have come a long way, baby.\u201d I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We have come a long way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014this is a new era. I think there are a lot of young wives, who are saying: \u201cI don\u2019t want some guy who thinks he\u2019s supposed to be in charge. I want this thing to be more equal \/ more shared. Honestly, when it comes right down to it, I\u2019m a better natural leader than my husband is\u2014so things work better at our house when I\u2019m in charge.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I think that, in their heart of hearts, if they were honest with themselves, I think they <em>want him<\/em> to lead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur daughter just recently got married. One of the things that I personally am so encouraged about for her is that she has always had this fearful tendency. She would wake up when she would hear things in the middle of the night. Not too long ago\u2014six months ago\u2014she thought she heard something outside her bedroom window. She was awake for two or three hours in the night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, now, if she hears something outside the bedroom window, she\u2019s going to go: \u201cJosh! Did you hear that? What was that?\u201d and he\u2019s going to go, \u201cHuh? Huh? I have no idea.\u201d [Laughter] <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>She\u2019ll shake him some more and she\u2019ll say, \u201cDid you hear that?!\u201d Josh will do something about it, because that\u2019s what she wants him to do. She doesn\u2019t want to say: \u201cOh, stay asleep. I\u2019m going to go see what\u2019s happening in the backyard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, intuitively, as women, we want that leadership\u2014we want that man that we have married to take care of us\u2014at our core. Yes, we struggle with leadership; and yes, sometimes we think we could do it better; but I think it\u2019s the way God made us, as women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod made us, in the very beginning, to pair with a man\u2014to partner with a man \/ to fit together with a man\u2014for him to provide what I was lacking. I, as a woman, provide what my husband, as a man, is lacking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Help a husband understand, Sweetheart, why\u2014when he tries to lead\u2014his wife will battle him for control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> You\u2019ve never experienced that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re just saying this hypothetically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is just theoretical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is just hypothetical; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Of course! You\u2019ve never experienced that; have you? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; are you kidding me? [Laughter] I had <em>no<\/em> idea what I was getting\u2014I mean, <em>seriously<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, neither did I. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I out-married\u2014I out-married myself. I mean, honestly, she has challenged me, in her strength, to become a stronger man. Now, I could have caved into that; but there were times when you challenged me in my leadership, early on in our marriage, and I could have just caved in and given up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tExplain what a woman should do though, if her husband is\u2014is doing that\u2014he\u2019s just giving up \/ caving in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think, first, she has to start and look at it and say: \u201cOkay; what\u2014what am I <em>looking<\/em> for that I\u2019m not getting? Is it his <em>style<\/em>? Is he not leading the way I want him to? Is he not doing it the way I <em>wish<\/em> he would do it? Is he not doing it the way <em>I<\/em> would do it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Or \u201cIs he just not leading at all?\u201d Those are two <em>very<\/em> distinct questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember early in our marriage, I had this idea\u2014because I\u2019d read all these books about what a Christian marriage was supposed to look like\u2014and one of the things I picked up in my reading was\u2014was that a husband was supposed to lead his wife spiritually. I concluded that what that meant was that Dennis was going to lead me in having quiet times, or in Bible study, or\u2014I don\u2019t know what it all was, because that was a long time ago\u2014but I had these impressions in my head of what I thought he was supposed to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A spiritual checklist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It was a checklist! And he didn\u2019t do it the way I thought he should do it. Therefore, I became critical\u2014but it was because I had this idea in my head of the way it was supposed to be, and he wasn\u2019t measuring up; so therefore, he was failing <em>rather than<\/em> looking at him\u2014which I was finally able to do\u2014and recognizing that he\u2019s just going to do it differently than I am. The way I would do it, as a more structured person, is going to be <em>very<\/em> different than the way he would do it, as a more spontaneous person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the kind of give and take \/ that\u2019s the kind of learning that needs to happen in a marriage so that, as a wife\u2014and I understand he <em>is<\/em> going to lead\u2014he <em>does<\/em> want to lead me spiritually \/ he <em>does<\/em> want to lead our family spiritually\u2014but it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> going to look like what I thought it should look like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve had the running joke at our house, where Mary Ann and I have looked at each other and I\u2019ve said, \u201cMary Ann wants me to lead as long as I do exactly what she wants me to do!\u201d She wants me to make the same choices she would make. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She just wants me to be out in front doing what she would do if she was out in front. Well, that\u2019s not leadership. [Laughter] In fact, Russell Moore says this\u2014he says, \u201cFor a wife to submit,\u201d\u2014we haven\u2019t brought up the <em>submit<\/em> word here, but it\u2019s a biblical word\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cFor a wife to submit to her husband\u2014that only begins when she disagrees with his leadership. It\u2019s not submission to go along with your husband if he\u2019s doing what you want him to do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That is true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat\u2019s just\u2014that\u2019s just <em>agreement.<\/em>\u201d He says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s submission that begins when you go, \u2018That is not what I think you ought to do, but I\u2019ll back off and let you lead.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that\u2019s a\u2014that\u2019s a scary proposition for a wife that\u2014as we\u2019ve said, I think more wives today are facing the dilemma of a husband, who says, \u201cYou know, whatever\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwhat do you want us to do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that can be equally maddening for a wife than a husband, who is saying, \u201cWe\u2019re doing this, and I don\u2019t care what you think.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the challenge for women in this generation\u2014for young wives, like my daughters and their friends in this generation\u2014is for them to encourage their young husbands to lead and then sit back and wait for them to do it. That\u2019s the hard part\u2014it\u2019s the sitting back and waiting for them to do it\u2014because we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the ball \/ we <em>hope<\/em> they\u2019ll pick up the task, or the suggestion, or the hint and run with it. Chances are they\u2019re not going to as quickly as you would like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has to fail; he has to fall; he has to make some mistakes. You may have to have the conversation\u2014what feels to you like hundreds of times\u2014before it finally dawns on him that this is really important to you, and this would really be helpful to you, and this would really be better for your family if he would do this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a challenge for young women today to encourage her husband to lead\u2014to believe in him and say, \u201cI know you can do this, and I trust you that you will,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014however she wants to phrase it so that it speaks to him\u2014and then for her to wait for him to try, realizing that he may fail. We, as wives, have to give grace for the times\u2014when he fails, when he makes mistakes, when he doesn\u2019t do it the right way\u2014and be willing to find the good \/ be willing to find what was right\u2014to thank him for it, praise him for it, and encourage him so that he\u2019ll go: \u201cOh! That worked. Okay; I can do that again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a man feels like he\u2019s being criticized, when he feels like his wife is scowling at him and communicating failure, he\u2019s just\u2014I can understand! He\u2019s going to go: \u201cWell, heck\u2014shoot! Why should I try again?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. Here\u2019s how I\u2019ve said that: \u201cIf a guy is out playing a game\u2014and he realizes, after two or three times\u2014\u2018I\u2019m just not very good at this game,\u2019\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughter] Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201che doesn\u2019t say: \u2018Well, I\u2019m going to go play that again. That\u2019s really <em>fun<\/em> to go play a game that I\u2019m no good at!\u2019 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou know, you try two or three times on the golf course and you go, \u2018I\u2019m just not all this good at golf.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe\u2019ll just say, \u2018I\u2019m going to try a different hobby.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, if a husband is trying to lead, and his wife says: \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re just no good at this.\u201d He goes: \u201cOkay; well, I\u2019m going to go do something else. I\u2019m good at watching ESPN. [Laughter] I\u2019ll just watch that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Or if he\u2014or if he tries, and she\u2019s battling him for it. That\u2019s really why Barbara has written this book we\u2019re talking about\u2014it\u2019s <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. It\u2019s a unique book because the book is actually\u2014how many letters that are kind of manufactured from a daughter back to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know how many total; but each chapter has between three and five letters\u2014from either conversations I\u2019ve had with my daughters or conversations with other young women\u2014and questions that they\u2019ve asked me through the years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s one on this subject\u2014it says [reading from the book]: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDear Mom, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook, I know it\u2019s worked for you and Dad. I\u2019m happy for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, I smile thinking about the two of you; but in today\u2019s society and in my own contemporary marriage, I\u2019m really having a hard time with this idea of submitting to the hubs [Laughter \/ H-U-B-S] as if I\u2019m lower than he is! I\u2019m sorry, but it just doesn\u2019t fly with me. I think we can make it work, just differently than you and Dad did. Can you still bless that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I love\u2014I love how Barbara begins, Bob, to answer the letter from\u2014not one of our daughters or daughters-in-law\u2014but here\u2019s what she says:\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDear daughter and her sisters, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike fingernails on a chalkboard, submission has grated women for centuries. You\u2019re not the first to question its legitimacy. It really does grate women, but it is what men need today from their wives. Ultimately, they need to know that their wife <em>will<\/em> follow if they lead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think the reason that it\u2019s such a hard word for us is because we <em>so<\/em> misunderstand what it means. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think of it as being a place that we are put into by our husband. We think of submission in such negative, distressing terms that the whole idea of even doing it therefore is just abhorrent! And yet, we have to go back to what God intends for submission to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we look at the big picture of God\u2019s plan for us, as people, God has designed a submission relationship for us with Him. My relationship with Christ\u2014my personal one-on-one relationship with Christ\u2014is where I am following Christ. I have chosen to give my life to Him \/ I have chosen to surrender my life to Him\u2014that means I\u2019ve chosen to follow Him. That means that I need to submit to Him\u2014so that means, when I read a verse and there\u2019s something in there that catches my attention, my responsibility is to obey it, to follow it, to submit to that instruction that I\u2019m finding in the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a picture of what marriage is supposed to be\u2014that God has designed this relationship\u2014where my husband is going to lead me where He wants to lead me and where I want Him to lead me\u2014but my responsibility is to follow. Now, if he\u2019s leading me somewhere that I think is wrong or that I don\u2019t understand\u2014and believe me\u2014I do not follow without asking a million questions most of the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Amen! Amen! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a part of the relationship. A relationship is a communication between two people. I ask questions. We talk about everything and, as Bob just said a minute ago, most of the time, we agree on the direction that we\u2019re going. Most of the time, it\u2019s not an issue of me choosing to submit and follow when it\u2019s not something that I agree with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have thought, through the years, there are probably only a handful of times over the 40-some years of our marriage when I have chosen to follow Dennis and to submit to him when I didn\u2019t agree with the direction he was taking us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we\u2019re talking about <em>total<\/em> disagreement, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve never seen that, I know, in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know exactly what you\u2019re talking about. [Laughter] Mary Ann and I would have the same kind of testimony\u2014that <em>most <\/em>of the time, after a lot of communication\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and after discussing priorities, and praying, and looking at what the Scriptures have to say\u2014we would \/ we would say, \u201cOkay; I think we\u2019ll go this way.\u201d Mary Ann might feel, \u201cWell, I\u2019d have a slight preference to go the other way; but it\u2019s not that big of a deal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cto <em>prefer<\/em> one thing over another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there have been those few times\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014when I\u2019ve said, \u201cI really think this is what God would have us do,\u201d\u2014and Mary Ann has said, \u201cI really think that\u2019s a <em>big<\/em> mistake.\u201d We got to an impasse; and she said, \u201cOkay.\u201d Boy, I tell you what\u2014when that weight is on your shoulders, as a husband\u2014Dennis, all of a sudden, it\u2019s like, \u201cI sure hope I\u2019m right about this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> How did that feel, by the way? I think we, wives, would like to know; because we sit on our side and we go, \u201cOh, this is so hard to follow,\u201d \u201cThis is so hard to\u2014I don\u2019t want to submit\u2014I think he\u2019s wrong!\u201d and we\u2019re grappling with how that feels. What does it feel like when we say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m following\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI sure hope\u2014I sure hope I\u2019m right!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019m thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because you\u2019re entrusting yourself to me in those moments to be able to go forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIf I\u2019m not right, and if there are consequences\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cHave I really heard her?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cHave I really listened to what her objections were?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then I\u2019m thinking, \u201cLord, have I really heard You? Or am I just pulling the way I want to pull because\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit benefits me? Or am I really trying to do what I think God\u2019s calling us to do here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s where I wish I could just reach through the radio and give young ladies, who are in marriages today, a hug and encouragement to get Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em> \u2014because the culture\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the culture wants to convince you that this is death!\u2014that to submit to your husband represents becoming some kind of non-person \/ that you become less or sub-human.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo! If you read the passage that Barbara was referring to earlier, Ephesians 5:24, it\u2019s very clear\u2014it says, \u201cNow as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.\u201d Now, let me ask you a question: \u201cWhen the church submits to Christ, is there <em>life<\/em> as a result of that? Do we experience blessing, and fruit, and peace, and enjoyment, and contentment, as we become what Christ made us to be?\u201d Of course! But now, when we pull the parallel out\u2014and there are those hard situations, where a wife has to come alongside her husband and submit to him\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014all of a sudden, it\u2019s like this is going to be death! It really is an issue of <em>faith<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to encourage you: <em>Don\u2019t believe the culture<\/em>! The culture is <em>lying<\/em> to you! The culture wants to destroy your marriage\u2014it wants to destroy your husband! The culture\u2014led by \/ by forces that are not on God\u2019s side\u2014the culture wants to convince you your husband is the enemy and to destroy your marriage in front of your kids, so they have a generational impact of a broken marriage!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The thing that I would add to that\u2014if I were sitting face to face, with some of these young women, who are listening, and just going: \u201cI \/ I don\u2019t buy this. I don\u2019t buy this,\u201d\u2014is I want to encourage you to say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you will choose to believe what the Bible says \/ if you will choose to <em>trust<\/em> God\u2019s plan\u2014His <em>pattern<\/em> for marriage\u2014don\u2019t you think that perhaps God might come through and you might witness\u2014you might be a part of \/ you might experience His hand?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014might you experience a miracle that only He can do? Can you believe that God can work through that situation, when you do choose to submit to your husband, when everything in you doesn\u2019t want to? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe answer is\u2014I think you can, and I think you will; because the Scripture is clear that, when we obey it, and when we follow it, and when we submit\u2014there\u2019s that word again\u2014to God\u2019s plan and His design, He will bless us \/ He will come through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there miracles waiting to happen in marriages, and we don\u2019t see them because we\u2019re not trusting God to provide them. We\u2019re not trusting God to do the work that <em>only<\/em> He can do. We only do what we think we can do on our own. When we do that, we\u2019re not going to see God at work in our lives and in our marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can we just say, here, that it\u2019s probably not a good strategy for a young wife to go to her husband and say: \u201cI wish you would lead more. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI wish you\u2019d just take better charge, and do a better job as a leader. I\u2019d be willing to follow if you would just do a better job of leading\u201d? [Laughter] That\u2019s probably not going to motivate him; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No\u2014and it is <em>way too<\/em> generic. I mean, how would you feel if the same statement were made of you, \u201cI just wish you\u2019d cook better,\u201d [Laughter] or something that\u2019s very broad and vague. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I say, over and over again, it\u2019s so important to have conversations so, as we talked about earlier, if you\u2019re having problems with him not coming home when he says he\u2019s going to, or not getting what he said he would get\u2014whatever it is\u2014it really doesn\u2019t matter\u2014if you have those conversations, and you seek to understand one another, then there are going to be less\u2014less conflict, because you will understand why this happened and then you can make a specific plan about a specific circumstance or situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have this question for husbands: \u201cAre you loving your wife in a way that makes it easier\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I didn\u2019t say it\u2019d make it easy\u2014\u201cthat makes it easier for her to live out God\u2019s responsibility for her, as a wife? What have you done in the last 24 hours to love, honor, cherish, nourish?\u2014give up your own life for your wife and get up out of your easy chair, from watching your games or playing video games\u2014or whatever\u2014and get in the game of life: Put the kids to bed, clean the kitchen, run the vacuum cleaner, and find a way to show her: \u2018I want you to know, Honey, I did that on behalf of you. I love you. I really do want to be your man.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019d be good for young husbands to get a copy of your [Dennis\u2019] book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, and young wives to get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. They can read them at the same time. I think there will be some benefit for both husband and wife in that process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out more about the book Barbara has written that has been out less than a year\u2014it\u2019s called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. Then Dennis\u2019 book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, is also available from us, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s for guys. Again, you can order from FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCongratulations are in order today for Dan and Korin Sutherland, who live in Mohrsville, Pennsylvania. Nineteen years ago today, the Sutherlands became husband and wife. We want to wish them a \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, one of our goals is to help more couples celebrate more anniversaries. We are The Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries\u2122. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe believe those kinds of marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. We\u2019re grateful for those of you who are a part of this mission, along with us\u2014those of you who make donations so that we can help more and more couples, together, strengthen their marriages and thrive in their family relationships\u2014that\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a resource that is designed to help you engage your children or your grandchildren\u2014particularly those who are ten and under\u2014engage them at Christmastime around the names of Jesus. It\u2019s a resource called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas.\u201d It\u2019s our gift to you when you support the ministry with a donation today. You can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to spend time talking to a man whose job it is to hear some of the most heartbreaking news anyone can hear, day in and day out. We will have a family court judge joining us tomorrow to tell us what life is like in his part of the world. Hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. 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