{"id":304250,"date":"2016-11-14T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-11-14T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/following-your-husbands-leadership\/"},"modified":"2016-11-14T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-11-14T17:00:00","slug":"following-your-husbands-leadership","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/following-your-husbands-leadership\/","title":{"rendered":"Following Your Husband&#8217;s Leadership"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Barbara Rainey | Series: Affirming Your Husband&#8217;s Leadership | Barbara Rainey helps wives understand that a husband is designed to be the leader of the home, and a wife is called to follow him. Much like a\u00a0dancer working with her partner to create a beautiful dance, a wife needs to know what to say, how to say it, and discern the best timing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey helps wives understand that a husband is designed to be the leader of the home, and a wife is called to follow him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-14.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.73M","filesize_raw":"26977648","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2831],"tags":[6118,6115,6117,6116,5482,6119],"podcast_series":[8175],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304250","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wives","tag-christian-husband","tag-following-your-husbands-leadership","tag-husband-is-the-leader-of-the-home","tag-marriage-is-a-dance","tag-spiritual-leadership","tag-wife-role-in-marriage","podcast_series-affirming-your-husbands-leadership","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304250\/following-your-husbands-leadership","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304250\/following-your-husbands-leadership","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fK4J0p7dtx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/following-your-husbands-leadership\/\">Following Your Husband&#8217;s Leadership<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/following-your-husbands-leadership\/embed\/#?secret=fK4J0p7dtx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Following Your Husband&#8217;s Leadership&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fK4J0p7dtx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The dance of marriage can get a little bumpy as husbands and wives learn how to relate to one another more effectively. Barbara Rainey says it takes time and patience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> There are going to be a lot of bumps in the road. We tend to think, when we get married, that life is going to be happily ever after and that we love each other more than anybody else on the planet has ever loved one another; therefore, our life is going to be easier. Then, to make it more complicated, we think: \u201cOh! And we\u2019re Christians! So, therefore, it\u2019s going to work smoothly; and we\u2019re not going to have bumps in the road.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to appeal to young women, especially\u2014but also to women who\u2019ve been married ten and fifteen years or even longer\u2014to recognize that this may take some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, November 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow we love and serve and work together, as husband and wife, is something that takes years\u2014actually, it takes a lifetime\u2014to get right. We\u2019ll hear more about that from Barbara Rainey today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think you should probably just take charge today\u2014just be in control \/ lead. I think\u2014I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Just be the man!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Be the man! And lead on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are some women, who are saying, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you guys just be the man? Huh?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cJust step up!\u201d Is that what you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s step up in love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Step up and die to self.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Step up and nourish and cherish your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what real leadership is supposed to look like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. It is not the pound-the-table demanding leadership that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not \u201cMy way or the highway,\u201d kind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Not exactly. My wife of 44 years joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Barbara, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you. I\u2019m glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s always good to have you here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I like being here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You are so much sweeter, looking across the table, than\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014than me?! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014whom I\u2019ve had to look at for coming up on\u2014this is our 24<sup>th<\/sup>\u2014we\u2019re starting our 25<sup>th<\/sup> year!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, let me just say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re getting ready to move toward 25 that I\u2019ve been looking at Bob!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ll just say, I agree with him 100 percent, but you didn\u2019t have to say that! [Laughter] I mean, there are some things you can just keep to yourself, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ah, that\u2019s right. But the subject on today\u2019s broadcast is not one of them. We want to talk to wives about following your husband\u2019s leadership. Barbara has written a book called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. This book has done <em>extremely<\/em> well. A lot of moms have been buying this book for their daughters, coaching them on what it means to be a wife \/ to be a helpmate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Barbara, it is one thing to think about this subject of responding to your husband\u2019s leadership when you think about it for yourself, as a wife; but the way you approached it in this book\u2014you were actually writing letters to your daughters and daughters-in-law about issues they would face in marriage. One of those issues was going to be the issue of leadership and how a wife ought to respond. When you think about it in terms of a mentoring relationship, it does give a little different perspective on the subject; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes, it does; because every marriage is different. Every man is different \/ every woman is different; so, therefore, every couple is different. Each couple is going to have unique challenges. Every wife\u2019s relationship with her husband is different than her sister and her husband or her friend and that husband; because we each bring unique personalities, and gifts, and talents, and traits, and background experiences into the marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what it looks like for me and my marriage to Dennis, and the way we work this out in our relationship, is going to be very different than the way my girls and their husbands and other young men and women work out this part of the marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, some people will hear you say that, and they\u2019ll think, \u201cSo you\u2019re saying we just kind of have to work it out for ourselves, and however it works for us\u2014that\u2019s okay?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> <em>If <\/em>you\u2019re following the blueprints. In other words, God has made it really clear in His Word that there are some very simple rules \/ some very simple guidelines\u2014whatever term you want to use for that\u2014it is clear in Scripture that God has made a pattern. I think that that\u2019s the big idea that I want young women to understand. I want them to see that God\u2019s design is <em>not<\/em> constrictive. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> meant to be restrictive in your life. It\u2019s meant to actually set you free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod intends for His pattern, when it\u2019s worked out in a marriage relationship, to create a thing of beauty in that marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was counseling a young engaged couple a number of years ago. I asked them about this area of their marriage relationship: \u201cIs there a difference between what it means to be a husband and what it means to be a wife? Or are these two responsibilities interchangeable and equal in all ways?\u201d They said: \u201cOh, sure! That\u2019s right \/ that\u2019s how we\u2019re going to operate. We\u2019re just two equals getting married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cWell, the Bible does teach that you both have equal value \/ equal worth; but that you do have, at points, different functions. As a husband, a husband is called to certain things\u2014that If he doesn\u2019t do\u2014the wife is going to be frustrated.\u201d We\u2019ve got some female listeners, right now, who are nodding their heads, going: \u201cThat\u2019s exactly right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m in a marriage where my husband won\u2019t lead, won\u2019t love, won\u2019t honor, wont\u2019 cherish.\u201d That makes it really difficult to follow someone like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI appealed to this young engaged couple\u2014I said: \u201cYou really have to decide: \u2018Does the Bible teach that there are distinct responsibilities for a wife and for a husband within the marriage relationship?\u2014how you\u2019re going to relate to one another going forward.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs Barbara said\u2014and I really like what she said there at the beginning, Bob\u2014if you establish these blueprints at the beginning of your marriage, there\u2019s tremendous freedom, on downstream, in that relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so what are the non-negotiables? I mean, if it can look different from one marriage to the next\u2014but there are certain walls that have to be in place \/ there are certain blueprints that you have to follow\u2014what are those things that you would say to a young wife, \u201cThis needs to be at the core; however it looks in your marriage, these things need to be in place\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, the one thing that I want to say\u2014that we\u2019re trying to narrow in on today in this broadcast\u2014is the whole issue of husband as leader and wife as follower. Now, does that mean I never lead? No. I lead a lot. Does that mean that Dennis never follows my suggestions or my ideas? No; he does follow me. But, when it comes down to who is going to play that role in the marriage, God\u2014has built him \/ has designed him\u2014has created him to be my leader in our marriage relationship. He has created me and designed me to be the follower. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know we\u2019ve talked about the dancing analogy numerous different times on the broadcast\u2014and we talk about it on <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> too\u2014but it\u2019s a perfect picture of the way marriage works; because when you are doing a dance with two people, you can\u2019t both do the same steps\u2014one has to lead and the other has to follow. There has to be a blending of those two positions\u2014of those two roles \/ of those two responsibilities\u2014to create a beautiful dance in the end. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt helps us understand that it\u2019s not that one is better than the other\u2014it\u2019s that we both have different responsibilities. When we work them together, it creates a beautiful pattern \/ a beautiful picture of what God intended marriage to be in the first place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was talking to another engaged guy, a number of years ago, as well. I was talking about what I learned about dancing with Barbara\u2014I said, \u201cThe dance instructor told me I had to have a firm, stable frame for how I positioned my hands, my arms, my shoulders\u2014not too rigid\u2014but, at the same time, not too soft. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInterestingly, Bob\u2014and you\u2019ll get a kick out of this\u2014the instructor criticized me for being a little too loose \/ a little too sloppy on the frame! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you\u2019d have thought\u2014maybe, because of how outgoing I am\u2014maybe my frame would have been really solid and firm. No, I was sending Barbara some wrong signals by giving her a loose frame. It was very difficult for you [Barbara] to follow as a result of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the whole point\u2014is that: \u201cWe\u2019re learning this. This is a learning experience throughout marriage. It\u2019s not something that you read the rules\u2014you read the instructions \/ you read the pattern\u2014that God established in the Bible and you go, \u201cOkay; check!\u2014got it!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen have to learn how to lead. They have to learn how to know who she is and how to lead her in a way that she can respond. The whole thing is wrapped up in trust. Trust is a word that is very, very crucial to marriage. It\u2019s a commodity that is often in short supply in marriages today. Because we enter marriage with all kinds of baggage, and we enter marriage with all kinds of brokenness, it\u2019s hard to trust one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can\u2019t lead and follow \/ we can\u2019t fulfill the responsibilities that God has given us if we don\u2019t trust one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I think, for some young wives, a good question for them to ask themselves is: \u201cDo I struggle trusting my husband because he has demonstrated that he is fundamentally untrustworthy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cOr do I struggle trusting my husband because I\u2019m afraid to trust somebody, even if that person, generally, is a trustworthy person?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some young wives, who have a trust issue, the issue comes back to them just being afraid to surrender control to another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. And it is hard\u2014it\u2019s very hard to trust another person\u2014because when we\u2019re dating, and we\u2019re engaged, and we start off our marriage, we feel like we can trust one another completely; but, then, he may make a mistake or two\u2014or, I should say, he <em>will<\/em> make a mistake or two. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Then she goes: \u201cOh! Well, I didn\u2019t see that. Maybe I can\u2019t trust him as much as I thought I could.\u201d She may not\u2014and probably won\u2019t\u2014have that conversation with herself; but internally, she\u2019s taking note of these mistakes or of these times when she thought she could trust him and then he didn\u2019t come through. Then it happens again and again\u2014so her distrust grows rather than her trust growing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s when conversations need to happen\u2014thousands, and thousands, and thousands of conversations\u2014between a husband and wife, where a husband learns from his wife: \u201cHow can I lead you in a way that helps you trust me?\u2014that helps you know that I really do have your best in mind?\u201d And she says, \u201cWell, it\u2019s really hard for me to trust, because I\u2019m afraid you\u2019re going to\u2026:\u2014whatever. And then, when he understands <em>why<\/em>, then he can work better to overcome that and to fill in that gap. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe whole leading and following thing is really, at its core, a trust factor that will take years, and years, and years in a marriage to rebuild; because all of us have trust issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And there will be some small violations of trust between us\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014where, \u201cI thought you said you were going to be home at 6:00, and you didn\u2019t get home until 6:15.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cNow, can I trust you in the bigger things of life?\u201d Or there are going to be <em>large<\/em> breeches that come along, where we violate trust in significant ways. When that happens, how does a wife recapture \/ how does she regain an ability to relax and trust her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, as I said a minute ago, I think it starts with a conversation. It starts with her asking some questions\u2014and prefacing those questions by saying: \u201cI want to trust you. I want to follow your leadership,\u201d\u2014\u201cbut this is how it <em>feels<\/em> when I\u2019m expecting you to be home at 6:00\u201d\u2014or 5:00 or whenever\u2014\u201cand you\u2019re not there when you said you would be. It\u2019s okay if you\u2019re not there when you say you will, but just let me know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> He may think, \u201cWell, it\u2019s not that big a deal.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when he understands that that is signaling to her that she can\u2019t trust him\u2014and if he cares about leading in such a way that she <em>can <\/em>grow her trust in him\u2014he will want to make those changes. He will want to say: \u201cOh, I see what this does to you when I\u2019m repeatedly late,\u201d or \u201cI see what this does to you when I\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever. Those conversations have to take place so that trust can grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, life is not just always repeatable. I mean, if it was, then we\u2019d learn how to do the waltz, as I did, and we could just go through life waltzing. But, Bob, you knew all of this \/ you\u2019re the music guru here\u2014I didn\u2019t realize there were all these kinds of dances: the rumba, the salsa, the samba\u2014I mean, all these dances\u2014jitterbugging! Now, there\u2019s where a guy gets in trouble; because he gets the waltz down\u2014[Laughter]\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014are you with me?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and then his wife wants to jitterbug.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or do the cha-cha. And the cha-cha is completely different from the waltz.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is totally different! At that point, you do step on toes again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what life is\u2014life is constantly moving us to different seasons \/ different rhythms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have to learn how to lead\u2014as our wives age, as our families mature, and as we age. It\u2019s a fascinating dance to go for a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; and there are <em>always<\/em> changing circumstances in every marriage. When you get married and you\u2019re newlyweds, you just have each other. Then you have kids, and that changes the dance \/ that changes the relationship. That changes the way a wife needs her husband to lead. He may not know that she needs him to change the way he leads. It\u2019s a surprise to him when he discovers that she wants him to lead differently now that there are kids in the picture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got the whole issue of raising your kids and discipline, and how you celebrate holidays, and a <em>gazillion<\/em> other things, where she has expectations; and he\u2019s clueless that she had any expectation at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> So it\u2019s a new dance. It\u2019s a new way of relating. It <em>constantly<\/em> takes conversation to discover: \u201cWhat is it that you both need? What does she need, and what does he need so that he can lead well and she can follow as effortlessly as possible?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the wife who says: \u201cI\u2019ve had the conversations that you\u2019re telling me to have. I\u2019ve brought up my anxieties. I\u2019ve explained how, \u2018When you don\u2019t do this, it makes me feel like I can\u2019t trust you,\u2019 and bigger things. We\u2019ve done that dance around the barn dozens of times, and nothing changes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo am I supposed to just keep on trying to follow?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The answer is, \u201cYes,\u201d in a nutshell. The reason that I say that is because I think sometimes we\u2014we, as women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and I think all of us, as people, but especially women in this situation\u2014sometimes, we\u2019re just impatient. I don\u2019t blame the women\u2014that are listening\u2014for thinking that; because there have been plenty of times that I\u2019ve wanted the change, and I wanted it <em>now<\/em>: \u201cPlease. Could you go ahead and do that?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it isn\u2019t\u2014you know, changing our lives \/ submitting our lives to Christ, and then allowing Him to do His transformative work doesn\u2019t usually happen instantaneously. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It\u2019s not a switch that we flip. The more pressure she puts on him, the longer it\u2019s going to take. That\u2019s why I say the answer is: \u201cYes. Live with him, because there are going to be a lot of bumps in the road.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe tend to think, when we get married, that life is going to be \u201chappily ever after,\u201d and that we love each other more than anybody else on the planet has ever loved one another; so therefore, our life is going to be easier. Then, to make it more complicated, we think: \u201cOh! And we\u2019re Christians! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cSo, therefore, if we follow the Bible and we follow what the Bible says, then God is obligated to make this work. It\u2019s going to work smoothly, and we\u2019re not going to have bumps in the road.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to appeal to young women, especially\u2014but also to women who\u2019ve been married ten and fifteen years or even longer\u2014we need to give one another grace. We need to allow one another the space to recognize that this may take some time. There have been issues in our relationship that have taken a lot longer to resolve than I would have ever desired; but we both hung in there with each other; and the change came\u2014but it came at God\u2019s timing and not my timing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, we\u2019ve talked about some of these trust issues around things like what time you get home or whether you pick up the right stuff at the grocery store. Some of these trust issues are a lot bigger than that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014like, \u201cCan I trust you to watch the kids and keep them safe?\u201d or \u201cCan I trust you not to look at other women?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cor pornography?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, a wife who knows that those kinds of big issues exist\u2014again, would you say to her, \u201cJust persevere and pray\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think it depends on what the issue is \/ I think it depends on what the problem is. I think if it\u2019s\u2014you know, staying with your kids\u2014all of us moms feel nervous when we leave our children with their father. I don\u2019t care how good a dad your husband is\u2014he\u2019s going to do it differently than you do. That\u2019s a part of the problem\u2014is that he is going to do a lot of these things differently than you would do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I used to leave Dennis and go on our church\u2019s women\u2019s retreat, I knew, when I walked out the door, that they would have candy, and junk food, and pizza, and that the house would be a disaster when I got home. [Laughter] I just knew it, because Dennis\u2019 goal with our kids was to have fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yep! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And that was more important to him than all the things that <em>I<\/em> valued.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Good nutrition and a clean house!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly! That was my job\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Party time! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was party time with Dad! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And they always had a great time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I kind of resented the fact that they had so much fun with him. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and that you had to clean up. Later on, I did get the message\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> He did get the message!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and you did not come home to a dirty house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> You got better and better, but it took a lot of time \/ it took a lot of years for you to <em>recognize<\/em>. I think it takes us <em>longer<\/em> to recognize the needs in our spouse than we think it\u2019s going to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I just want to get very pointed with husbands and with wives for just a moment. First of all, the guys: \u201cAs a husband, you are called to give up your life on behalf of your wife. Listen to me\u2014if you chose a woman as your wife\u2014God calls you to sacrifice your life on her behalf\u2014and to give up your rights, to give up your selfish agenda, and what you\u2019d like to always go do and how you\u2019d like to have it done. You\u2019ve got to give it up! It\u2019s no fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI talked to a young man, not too long ago, who was getting married. He goes: \u2018Man! This is a tough assignment!\u2019 I said: \u2018You\u2019re beginning to get it. You\u2019re beginning to get it.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the wives\u2014I want you to hear me\u2014when I was a young man, starting out my marriage, it was Barbara\u2019s belief in me, even though I was clumsy on the dance floor of our marriage \/ unable to lead her as she wished I could do the dance of marriage with her; she still unequivocally expressed her belief, trust, and respect of me. I just want you to know something\u2014your husband knows it, whether you have used the words or not\u2014he <em>knows<\/em> what your attitude is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, your assignment is: \u201cFind fresh ways to express belief, trust, and love to your husband so that he can grow; and he\u2019ll get better.\u201d You know what? We\u2019re all in the process of growing; and hopefully, getting better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the grace of God is plenty ample enough to be at work in your husband\u2019s life to help him become the man, husband, and maybe the dad he needs to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It always helps in this process if you have someone, who is a compassionate mentor, to come alongside and coach you, and encourage you, and cheer you on. I feel like that\u2019s what you do, Barbara, in the book that you\u2019ve written, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I just want to say\u2014that\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>wants to be\u2014whether it\u2019s Barbara, whether it\u2019s me, Bob, or a guest that we have on here\u2014we want to help you. We want to be that mentor to help you be successful in life\u2019s most important relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to our Legacy Partners, you know, here at yearend\u2014as we come up on the final couple of months of the year\u2014I just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to the Legacy Partners who keep this broadcast on the air. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many broadcasts do you know that are helping you in your relationship with God, your spouse, and your kids? Thank you for making this broadcast possible, not only in this community, but in more than a thousand others around the country. Thank you for standing with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019d like to find out how to become a Legacy Partner, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. There\u2019s information available there about becoming a part of the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible, month-in and month-out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help with a one-time donation today, you can do that today as well. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can donate online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. If you do help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a resource we\u2019ve designed for preschool and early elementary-aged children to help them, during the Christmas season, learn more about who Jesus is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas.\u201d It\u2019s our gift to you when you support the ministry of FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile you\u2019re on our website, be sure to order a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters. <\/em>It\u2019s available from our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center as well. You may want to get multiple copies and consider these as Christmas gifts if you have daughters or daughters-in-law. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d prefer to call to order, the number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it was a year ago today that a couple of our staff became husband and wife. Sandy and Sharon Spangler got married one year ago today\u2014everybody here, at FamilyLife, was cheering them on. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Spanglers on their one-year anniversary. I hope it\u2019s been a great first year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries matter\u2014we\u2019re The Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. We appreciate those of you who have been celebrating with us, this year, our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary in ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for your partnership with us in all that we do, here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us back tomorrow. Barbara Rainey is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation about how a wife can encourage her husband to be the man that God has created him to be. That comes up tomorrow. I hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.73M"],"filesize_raw":["26977648"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304250.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304250.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Rainey helps wives understand that a husband is designed to be the leader of the home, and a wife is called to follow him.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-11-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The dance of marriage can get a little bumpy as husbands and wives learn how to relate to one another more effectively. Barbara Rainey says it takes time and patience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> There are going to be a lot of bumps in the road. We tend to think, when we get married, that life is going to be happily ever after and that we love each other more than anybody else on the planet has ever loved one another; therefore, our life is going to be easier. Then, to make it more complicated, we think: \u201cOh! And we\u2019re Christians! So, therefore, it\u2019s going to work smoothly; and we\u2019re not going to have bumps in the road.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to appeal to young women, especially\u2014but also to women who\u2019ve been married ten and fifteen years or even longer\u2014to recognize that this may take some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, November 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow we love and serve and work together, as husband and wife, is something that takes years\u2014actually, it takes a lifetime\u2014to get right. We\u2019ll hear more about that from Barbara Rainey today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think you should probably just take charge today\u2014just be in control \/ lead. I think\u2014I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Just be the man!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Be the man! And lead on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are some women, who are saying, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you guys just be the man? Huh?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cJust step up!\u201d Is that what you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s step up in love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Step up and die to self.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Step up and nourish and cherish your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what real leadership is supposed to look like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. It is not the pound-the-table demanding leadership that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not \u201cMy way or the highway,\u201d kind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Not exactly. My wife of 44 years joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Barbara, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you. I\u2019m glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s always good to have you here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I like being here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You are so much sweeter, looking across the table, than\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014than me?! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014whom I\u2019ve had to look at for coming up on\u2014this is our 24<sup>th<\/sup>\u2014we\u2019re starting our 25<sup>th<\/sup> year!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, let me just say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re getting ready to move toward 25 that I\u2019ve been looking at Bob!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ll just say, I agree with him 100 percent, but you didn\u2019t have to say that! [Laughter] I mean, there are some things you can just keep to yourself, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ah, that\u2019s right. But the subject on today\u2019s broadcast is not one of them. We want to talk to wives about following your husband\u2019s leadership. Barbara has written a book called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. This book has done <em>extremely<\/em> well. A lot of moms have been buying this book for their daughters, coaching them on what it means to be a wife \/ to be a helpmate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Barbara, it is one thing to think about this subject of responding to your husband\u2019s leadership when you think about it for yourself, as a wife; but the way you approached it in this book\u2014you were actually writing letters to your daughters and daughters-in-law about issues they would face in marriage. One of those issues was going to be the issue of leadership and how a wife ought to respond. When you think about it in terms of a mentoring relationship, it does give a little different perspective on the subject; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes, it does; because every marriage is different. Every man is different \/ every woman is different; so, therefore, every couple is different. Each couple is going to have unique challenges. Every wife\u2019s relationship with her husband is different than her sister and her husband or her friend and that husband; because we each bring unique personalities, and gifts, and talents, and traits, and background experiences into the marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what it looks like for me and my marriage to Dennis, and the way we work this out in our relationship, is going to be very different than the way my girls and their husbands and other young men and women work out this part of the marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, some people will hear you say that, and they\u2019ll think, \u201cSo you\u2019re saying we just kind of have to work it out for ourselves, and however it works for us\u2014that\u2019s okay?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> <em>If <\/em>you\u2019re following the blueprints. In other words, God has made it really clear in His Word that there are some very simple rules \/ some very simple guidelines\u2014whatever term you want to use for that\u2014it is clear in Scripture that God has made a pattern. I think that that\u2019s the big idea that I want young women to understand. I want them to see that God\u2019s design is <em>not<\/em> constrictive. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> meant to be restrictive in your life. It\u2019s meant to actually set you free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod intends for His pattern, when it\u2019s worked out in a marriage relationship, to create a thing of beauty in that marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was counseling a young engaged couple a number of years ago. I asked them about this area of their marriage relationship: \u201cIs there a difference between what it means to be a husband and what it means to be a wife? Or are these two responsibilities interchangeable and equal in all ways?\u201d They said: \u201cOh, sure! That\u2019s right \/ that\u2019s how we\u2019re going to operate. We\u2019re just two equals getting married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cWell, the Bible does teach that you both have equal value \/ equal worth; but that you do have, at points, different functions. As a husband, a husband is called to certain things\u2014that If he doesn\u2019t do\u2014the wife is going to be frustrated.\u201d We\u2019ve got some female listeners, right now, who are nodding their heads, going: \u201cThat\u2019s exactly right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m in a marriage where my husband won\u2019t lead, won\u2019t love, won\u2019t honor, wont\u2019 cherish.\u201d That makes it really difficult to follow someone like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI appealed to this young engaged couple\u2014I said: \u201cYou really have to decide: \u2018Does the Bible teach that there are distinct responsibilities for a wife and for a husband within the marriage relationship?\u2014how you\u2019re going to relate to one another going forward.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs Barbara said\u2014and I really like what she said there at the beginning, Bob\u2014if you establish these blueprints at the beginning of your marriage, there\u2019s tremendous freedom, on downstream, in that relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so what are the non-negotiables? I mean, if it can look different from one marriage to the next\u2014but there are certain walls that have to be in place \/ there are certain blueprints that you have to follow\u2014what are those things that you would say to a young wife, \u201cThis needs to be at the core; however it looks in your marriage, these things need to be in place\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, the one thing that I want to say\u2014that we\u2019re trying to narrow in on today in this broadcast\u2014is the whole issue of husband as leader and wife as follower. Now, does that mean I never lead? No. I lead a lot. Does that mean that Dennis never follows my suggestions or my ideas? No; he does follow me. But, when it comes down to who is going to play that role in the marriage, God\u2014has built him \/ has designed him\u2014has created him to be my leader in our marriage relationship. He has created me and designed me to be the follower. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know we\u2019ve talked about the dancing analogy numerous different times on the broadcast\u2014and we talk about it on <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> too\u2014but it\u2019s a perfect picture of the way marriage works; because when you are doing a dance with two people, you can\u2019t both do the same steps\u2014one has to lead and the other has to follow. There has to be a blending of those two positions\u2014of those two roles \/ of those two responsibilities\u2014to create a beautiful dance in the end. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt helps us understand that it\u2019s not that one is better than the other\u2014it\u2019s that we both have different responsibilities. When we work them together, it creates a beautiful pattern \/ a beautiful picture of what God intended marriage to be in the first place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was talking to another engaged guy, a number of years ago, as well. I was talking about what I learned about dancing with Barbara\u2014I said, \u201cThe dance instructor told me I had to have a firm, stable frame for how I positioned my hands, my arms, my shoulders\u2014not too rigid\u2014but, at the same time, not too soft. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInterestingly, Bob\u2014and you\u2019ll get a kick out of this\u2014the instructor criticized me for being a little too loose \/ a little too sloppy on the frame! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you\u2019d have thought\u2014maybe, because of how outgoing I am\u2014maybe my frame would have been really solid and firm. No, I was sending Barbara some wrong signals by giving her a loose frame. It was very difficult for you [Barbara] to follow as a result of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the whole point\u2014is that: \u201cWe\u2019re learning this. This is a learning experience throughout marriage. It\u2019s not something that you read the rules\u2014you read the instructions \/ you read the pattern\u2014that God established in the Bible and you go, \u201cOkay; check!\u2014got it!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen have to learn how to lead. They have to learn how to know who she is and how to lead her in a way that she can respond. The whole thing is wrapped up in trust. Trust is a word that is very, very crucial to marriage. It\u2019s a commodity that is often in short supply in marriages today. Because we enter marriage with all kinds of baggage, and we enter marriage with all kinds of brokenness, it\u2019s hard to trust one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can\u2019t lead and follow \/ we can\u2019t fulfill the responsibilities that God has given us if we don\u2019t trust one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I think, for some young wives, a good question for them to ask themselves is: \u201cDo I struggle trusting my husband because he has demonstrated that he is fundamentally untrustworthy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cOr do I struggle trusting my husband because I\u2019m afraid to trust somebody, even if that person, generally, is a trustworthy person?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some young wives, who have a trust issue, the issue comes back to them just being afraid to surrender control to another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. And it is hard\u2014it\u2019s very hard to trust another person\u2014because when we\u2019re dating, and we\u2019re engaged, and we start off our marriage, we feel like we can trust one another completely; but, then, he may make a mistake or two\u2014or, I should say, he <em>will<\/em> make a mistake or two. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Then she goes: \u201cOh! Well, I didn\u2019t see that. Maybe I can\u2019t trust him as much as I thought I could.\u201d She may not\u2014and probably won\u2019t\u2014have that conversation with herself; but internally, she\u2019s taking note of these mistakes or of these times when she thought she could trust him and then he didn\u2019t come through. Then it happens again and again\u2014so her distrust grows rather than her trust growing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s when conversations need to happen\u2014thousands, and thousands, and thousands of conversations\u2014between a husband and wife, where a husband learns from his wife: \u201cHow can I lead you in a way that helps you trust me?\u2014that helps you know that I really do have your best in mind?\u201d And she says, \u201cWell, it\u2019s really hard for me to trust, because I\u2019m afraid you\u2019re going to\u2026:\u2014whatever. And then, when he understands <em>why<\/em>, then he can work better to overcome that and to fill in that gap. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe whole leading and following thing is really, at its core, a trust factor that will take years, and years, and years in a marriage to rebuild; because all of us have trust issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And there will be some small violations of trust between us\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014where, \u201cI thought you said you were going to be home at 6:00, and you didn\u2019t get home until 6:15.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cNow, can I trust you in the bigger things of life?\u201d Or there are going to be <em>large<\/em> breeches that come along, where we violate trust in significant ways. When that happens, how does a wife recapture \/ how does she regain an ability to relax and trust her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, as I said a minute ago, I think it starts with a conversation. It starts with her asking some questions\u2014and prefacing those questions by saying: \u201cI want to trust you. I want to follow your leadership,\u201d\u2014\u201cbut this is how it <em>feels<\/em> when I\u2019m expecting you to be home at 6:00\u201d\u2014or 5:00 or whenever\u2014\u201cand you\u2019re not there when you said you would be. It\u2019s okay if you\u2019re not there when you say you will, but just let me know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> He may think, \u201cWell, it\u2019s not that big a deal.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when he understands that that is signaling to her that she can\u2019t trust him\u2014and if he cares about leading in such a way that she <em>can <\/em>grow her trust in him\u2014he will want to make those changes. He will want to say: \u201cOh, I see what this does to you when I\u2019m repeatedly late,\u201d or \u201cI see what this does to you when I\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever. Those conversations have to take place so that trust can grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, life is not just always repeatable. I mean, if it was, then we\u2019d learn how to do the waltz, as I did, and we could just go through life waltzing. But, Bob, you knew all of this \/ you\u2019re the music guru here\u2014I didn\u2019t realize there were all these kinds of dances: the rumba, the salsa, the samba\u2014I mean, all these dances\u2014jitterbugging! Now, there\u2019s where a guy gets in trouble; because he gets the waltz down\u2014[Laughter]\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014are you with me?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and then his wife wants to jitterbug.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or do the cha-cha. And the cha-cha is completely different from the waltz.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is totally different! At that point, you do step on toes again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what life is\u2014life is constantly moving us to different seasons \/ different rhythms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have to learn how to lead\u2014as our wives age, as our families mature, and as we age. It\u2019s a fascinating dance to go for a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; and there are <em>always<\/em> changing circumstances in every marriage. When you get married and you\u2019re newlyweds, you just have each other. Then you have kids, and that changes the dance \/ that changes the relationship. That changes the way a wife needs her husband to lead. He may not know that she needs him to change the way he leads. It\u2019s a surprise to him when he discovers that she wants him to lead differently now that there are kids in the picture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got the whole issue of raising your kids and discipline, and how you celebrate holidays, and a <em>gazillion<\/em> other things, where she has expectations; and he\u2019s clueless that she had any expectation at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> So it\u2019s a new dance. It\u2019s a new way of relating. It <em>constantly<\/em> takes conversation to discover: \u201cWhat is it that you both need? What does she need, and what does he need so that he can lead well and she can follow as effortlessly as possible?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the wife who says: \u201cI\u2019ve had the conversations that you\u2019re telling me to have. I\u2019ve brought up my anxieties. I\u2019ve explained how, \u2018When you don\u2019t do this, it makes me feel like I can\u2019t trust you,\u2019 and bigger things. We\u2019ve done that dance around the barn dozens of times, and nothing changes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo am I supposed to just keep on trying to follow?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The answer is, \u201cYes,\u201d in a nutshell. The reason that I say that is because I think sometimes we\u2014we, as women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and I think all of us, as people, but especially women in this situation\u2014sometimes, we\u2019re just impatient. I don\u2019t blame the women\u2014that are listening\u2014for thinking that; because there have been plenty of times that I\u2019ve wanted the change, and I wanted it <em>now<\/em>: \u201cPlease. Could you go ahead and do that?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it isn\u2019t\u2014you know, changing our lives \/ submitting our lives to Christ, and then allowing Him to do His transformative work doesn\u2019t usually happen instantaneously. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It\u2019s not a switch that we flip. The more pressure she puts on him, the longer it\u2019s going to take. That\u2019s why I say the answer is: \u201cYes. Live with him, because there are going to be a lot of bumps in the road.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe tend to think, when we get married, that life is going to be \u201chappily ever after,\u201d and that we love each other more than anybody else on the planet has ever loved one another; so therefore, our life is going to be easier. Then, to make it more complicated, we think: \u201cOh! And we\u2019re Christians! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cSo, therefore, if we follow the Bible and we follow what the Bible says, then God is obligated to make this work. It\u2019s going to work smoothly, and we\u2019re not going to have bumps in the road.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to appeal to young women, especially\u2014but also to women who\u2019ve been married ten and fifteen years or even longer\u2014we need to give one another grace. We need to allow one another the space to recognize that this may take some time. There have been issues in our relationship that have taken a lot longer to resolve than I would have ever desired; but we both hung in there with each other; and the change came\u2014but it came at God\u2019s timing and not my timing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, we\u2019ve talked about some of these trust issues around things like what time you get home or whether you pick up the right stuff at the grocery store. Some of these trust issues are a lot bigger than that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014like, \u201cCan I trust you to watch the kids and keep them safe?\u201d or \u201cCan I trust you not to look at other women?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cor pornography?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, a wife who knows that those kinds of big issues exist\u2014again, would you say to her, \u201cJust persevere and pray\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think it depends on what the issue is \/ I think it depends on what the problem is. I think if it\u2019s\u2014you know, staying with your kids\u2014all of us moms feel nervous when we leave our children with their father. I don\u2019t care how good a dad your husband is\u2014he\u2019s going to do it differently than you do. That\u2019s a part of the problem\u2014is that he is going to do a lot of these things differently than you would do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I used to leave Dennis and go on our church\u2019s women\u2019s retreat, I knew, when I walked out the door, that they would have candy, and junk food, and pizza, and that the house would be a disaster when I got home. [Laughter] I just knew it, because Dennis\u2019 goal with our kids was to have fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yep! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And that was more important to him than all the things that <em>I<\/em> valued.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Good nutrition and a clean house!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly! That was my job\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Party time! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was party time with Dad! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And they always had a great time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I kind of resented the fact that they had so much fun with him. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and that you had to clean up. Later on, I did get the message\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> He did get the message!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and you did not come home to a dirty house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> You got better and better, but it took a lot of time \/ it took a lot of years for you to <em>recognize<\/em>. I think it takes us <em>longer<\/em> to recognize the needs in our spouse than we think it\u2019s going to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I just want to get very pointed with husbands and with wives for just a moment. First of all, the guys: \u201cAs a husband, you are called to give up your life on behalf of your wife. Listen to me\u2014if you chose a woman as your wife\u2014God calls you to sacrifice your life on her behalf\u2014and to give up your rights, to give up your selfish agenda, and what you\u2019d like to always go do and how you\u2019d like to have it done. You\u2019ve got to give it up! It\u2019s no fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI talked to a young man, not too long ago, who was getting married. He goes: \u2018Man! This is a tough assignment!\u2019 I said: \u2018You\u2019re beginning to get it. You\u2019re beginning to get it.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the wives\u2014I want you to hear me\u2014when I was a young man, starting out my marriage, it was Barbara\u2019s belief in me, even though I was clumsy on the dance floor of our marriage \/ unable to lead her as she wished I could do the dance of marriage with her; she still unequivocally expressed her belief, trust, and respect of me. I just want you to know something\u2014your husband knows it, whether you have used the words or not\u2014he <em>knows<\/em> what your attitude is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, your assignment is: \u201cFind fresh ways to express belief, trust, and love to your husband so that he can grow; and he\u2019ll get better.\u201d You know what? We\u2019re all in the process of growing; and hopefully, getting better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the grace of God is plenty ample enough to be at work in your husband\u2019s life to help him become the man, husband, and maybe the dad he needs to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It always helps in this process if you have someone, who is a compassionate mentor, to come alongside and coach you, and encourage you, and cheer you on. I feel like that\u2019s what you do, Barbara, in the book that you\u2019ve written, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I just want to say\u2014that\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>wants to be\u2014whether it\u2019s Barbara, whether it\u2019s me, Bob, or a guest that we have on here\u2014we want to help you. We want to be that mentor to help you be successful in life\u2019s most important relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to our Legacy Partners, you know, here at yearend\u2014as we come up on the final couple of months of the year\u2014I just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to the Legacy Partners who keep this broadcast on the air. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many broadcasts do you know that are helping you in your relationship with God, your spouse, and your kids? Thank you for making this broadcast possible, not only in this community, but in more than a thousand others around the country. Thank you for standing with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019d like to find out how to become a Legacy Partner, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. There\u2019s information available there about becoming a part of the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible, month-in and month-out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help with a one-time donation today, you can do that today as well. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can donate online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. If you do help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a resource we\u2019ve designed for preschool and early elementary-aged children to help them, during the Christmas season, learn more about who Jesus is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas.\u201d It\u2019s our gift to you when you support the ministry of FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile you\u2019re on our website, be sure to order a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters. <\/em>It\u2019s available from our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center as well. You may want to get multiple copies and consider these as Christmas gifts if you have daughters or daughters-in-law. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d prefer to call to order, the number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it was a year ago today that a couple of our staff became husband and wife. Sandy and Sharon Spangler got married one year ago today\u2014everybody here, at FamilyLife, was cheering them on. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Spanglers on their one-year anniversary. I hope it\u2019s been a great first year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries matter\u2014we\u2019re The Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. We appreciate those of you who have been celebrating with us, this year, our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary in ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for your partnership with us in all that we do, here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us back tomorrow. Barbara Rainey is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation about how a wife can encourage her husband to be the man that God has created him to be. That comes up tomorrow. I hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304250","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304250"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304250"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304250"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304250"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304250"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304250"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304250"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}