{"id":304224,"date":"2016-10-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-10-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/sexual-discipleship\/"},"modified":"2016-10-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-10-25T15:00:00","slug":"sexual-discipleship","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sexual-discipleship\/","title":{"rendered":"Sexual Discipleship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Juli Slattery | Series: 25 Questions You&#8217;re Afraid to Ask | Where did you first learn about sex? Dr. Juli Slattery, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, states that many Christians don&#8217;t have the big picture of God&#8217;s perspective on sexual intimacy. Slattery encourages parents to talk to their children about God&#8217;s plan for sexuality, so they won&#8217;t be frustrated, as she was in her early years of marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Where did you first learn about sex? Dr. Juli Slattery states that many Christians don&#8217;t have the big picture of God&#8217;s perspective on sexual intimacy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.61M","filesize_raw":"26856926","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810,2088],"tags":[4244,4242,4115,4243],"podcast_series":[7193],"cwp_profile":[3388],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304224","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-gods-plan-for-sex","tag-learn-about-sex","tag-sexual-intimacy","tag-talk-to-your-children-about-sex","podcast_series-25-questions-youre-afraid-to-ask","cwp_profile-juli-slattery","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304224\/sexual-discipleship","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304224\/sexual-discipleship","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"mmR9TZK9G7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sexual-discipleship\/\">Sexual Discipleship<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sexual-discipleship\/embed\/#?secret=mmR9TZK9G7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Sexual Discipleship&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"mmR9TZK9G7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Where did you first learn about sex? Dr. Juli Slattery states that many Christians don't have the big picture of God's perspective on sexual intimacy.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Has it ever occurred to you that sexual intimacy between a man and a woman\u2014that was God\u2019s idea and His design?\u00a0 Here is Dr. Juli Slattery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>I think that the average Christian couple can\u2019t imagine God blessing anything sexual\u2014where we see in the Song of Solomon that, actually, God is blessing this couple that is in the midst of sexual intimacy: \u201cEat friends. Drink. Imbibe deeply. Enjoy this, because I gave this to you as a gift. Even if you\u2019ve got all kinds of things in your past, bring those before Me \/ lay them before Me; and I bless what you have today within the confines of marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. I\u2019m Bob Lepine. The Bible has a lot to say about intimacy in marriage\u2014a lot of good things\u2014and we\u2019re going to explore some of it today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think you were the first person I ever heard quote Howard Hendricks on the subject we\u2019re talking about today. And the quote, if I remember it\u2014you can correct me if I\u2019m wrong\u2014was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I will. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No\u2014no doubt there. I think he said, \u201cWe should not be ashamed to discuss what God was not embarrassed to create.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. You nailed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s what we\u2019re going to be doing today; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We are going to discuss what God was not ashamed to create. In fact, I just want to read about it\u2014here in Genesis, Chapter 1, verse 27: \u201cSo God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t understand it. I just know the Bible proclaims it. Somehow, our sexuality, as men and women, declares who God is to a planet that does not know Almighty God and all that He is about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014over a lifetime, you just begin to explore what God is up to around this whole area of human sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Juli Slattery is going to help us unpack this today and provide all the answers with a book that she has written called <em>25 Questions You\u2019re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow is right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>All the questions\u2014I don\u2019t\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you actually chose to be on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to discuss this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>This is obedience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think it is. [Laughter]\u00a0 Juli has been married to her husband Mike since 1994. They have three sons. She is a clinical psychologist \/ authored a number of books. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to talk about something that you discuss in your book. I\u2019ve never heard this subject before; but I have to admit I really, really like this\u2014you talk about the need for sexual discipleship. I love the concept because discipleship means training;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it means equipping; it means helping someone know how to think about life. Now, you apply it, if you would, to the area of human sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Absolutely. You know, I grew up in a Christian family \/ in church. The best that I got was little pockets of sex education. The difference between discipleship and education is what you referred to, Dennis\u2014is: \u201cDo you know how to think biblically about God\u2019s design for sexuality?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Give us an idea of one of those little pockets of truth you learned, growing up. Explain what you mean by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Sure. You\u2019re told sex is wrong before marriage; and somehow, it is right after marriage: \u201cDon\u2019t do it before you get married. Don\u2019t think about it. Don\u2019t be sexual. But as soon as you get married, all of a sudden, this switch will flip, and you\u2019re going to have fun.\u201d\u00a0 So, that\u2019s what we\u2019re told. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality of it is\u2014you are a sexual person before or if you never get married\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you\u2019re still a sexual person: \u201cWhat do I do with that?\u201d\u00a0 Then, once you get married\u2014if you get married\u2014it\u2019s not like this switch will flip and then, all of a sudden, you know how to enjoy this. I experienced that as a Christian young woman. It was like the messages were so confusing. I would say, in the first decade of our marriage, \u201cThis area was not good\u201d; and we didn\u2019t know how to address it because we weren\u2019t given the training. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I just have to say\u2014I love the fact that your starting place for this conversation is\u2014not how to counteract cultural messages or how to answer: \u201cWell, what\u2019s acceptable \/ what\u2019s not acceptable?\u201d\u2014your starting place is: \u201cLet\u2019s think like God thinks about this subject. Let\u2019s cultivate a biblical worldview and not just a limited, pocketed biblical worldview, where we know this is true and this is true; but we don\u2019t see the big picture. Let\u2019s get it all out on the table and understand it in a fully-orbed way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you do that\u2014now, all of a sudden, a lot of the questions that you have get answered by themselves; don\u2019t they?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>They absolutely do. What I\u2019m seeing, in working with women, is that the average Christian woman has been discipled in many areas of her life\u2014including her marriage\u2014but she hasn\u2019t been discipled in how to think about sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, when you\u2019re advocating sexual discipleship\u2014the term that Dennis mentioned\u2014how does that happen in a practical way?\u00a0 I think there probably are a lot of people, going, \u201cAnd who\u2019s competent to do the discipling, given the fact that we\u2019re all kind of messed up in this area?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know who first said it, but I\u2019ve heard someone say that: \u201cSome things are too important not to do poorly.\u201d\u00a0 In other words, we don\u2019t have to have it <em>mastered<\/em> to step into this arena. We just have to say: \u201cAlright, Lord, we\u2019re dying here \/ we\u2019re drowning here. Would You begin equipping us?\u00a0 Would You begin raising up leaders?\u00a0 Would You give us wisdom to know what You believe about sexuality by reading Your Scripture with that lens?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>There are a lot of resources out there. That\u2019s part of my passion\u2014is creating resources\u2014there are other ministries doing that\u2014but it says: \u201cLet\u2019s not just look at the issue; for example, of pornography and say: \u2018Oh, that\u2019s bad. Here\u2019s how you combat it.\u2019\u00a0 But let\u2019s tie that into the larger spiritual battle of what\u2019s happening in our church and in our culture related to sexuality and why God cares about that battle.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you don\u2019t have to wait until\u2014as we\u2019re talking about here\u2014you have the subject mastered\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014to begin talking with your son or your daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just have to raise one of the issues that a lot of parents are afraid their children are going to ask, \u201cWell, Mom\/Dad, did you wait?\u201d\u2014to which, how do you answer that question?\u00a0 How do you help parents know how to deal with their children\u2019s curiosity?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes; you know, it\u2019s a wonderful example to share the gospel right there; because what we know from children and, particularly, teenagers is that they learn and respect you the most when you\u2019re authentic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t have to give details; but if you tell the story, right then, about if you didn\u2019t wait: \u201cHow I didn\u2019t trust God\u2019s plan,\u201d or \u201cI didn\u2019t know God\u2019s plan. Here are the consequences that I walked with. Here\u2019s how the Lord met me and has forgiven me in that,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t want you to have to walk through those same consequences that I did.\u201d So, not only there, discipling your children sexually, you\u2019re discipling them in terms of understanding what grace is \/ who God is\u2014that He can forgive sin. It\u2019s those teachable moments that we, because of our own fear, walk away from instead of walking into. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you\u2019re raising three teenage sons right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You would have that level of honesty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes, because they struggle: \u201cAll of us need the grace of God\u2014me too\u2014and this is how God has brought grace into my life, and I would love to see Him bring that grace into your life right now.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You mentioned that in the first decade of your marriage, this was not an area of marriage that was something that you\u2019d say you were thriving in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you were doing a little sexual discipleship today with Juli Slattery\u2014in year five of your marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014what questions would Juli be asking you, and what answers would you be giving her?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>I would say the two questions that I was asking at the time were: \u201cWhy did God make us so different?\u00a0 This would be so much better if we thought the same and wanted the same things.\u201d\u00a0 And I would be asking, \u201cWhy did God make this more fun for men than He did for women?\u201d\u00a0 It felt very much like this was my wifely duty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has begun answering those questions for me, and it\u2019s a joy to pass those on to other women and other couples. You know, that first question of \u201cWhy did God make us so different?\u201d\u2014one of the things that I began to realize is that God cares a lot about how we love each other. He really cares that we become greater lovers, not selfish lovers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs long as a husband and wife want the same things, they can be fulfilled by being selfish; but as soon as he wants something different than you want, for you both to be fulfilled, you have to learn to be servants and unselfish. God\u2019s begun teaching me the beauty of working through those frustrations and becoming unselfish so that you both can be fulfilled. That would be the answer to the first question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the answer to the second question\u2014boy, I was really messed up in my understanding of sexuality from a biblical perspective; because I think there is this Christian tradition, rather than biblical truth, that God has created sexuality for a man and the woman has that wifely duty. But when you read the Scripture; for example, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 7\u2014before it ever talks about a wife\u2019s duty to fulfill her husband\u2019s needs\u2014it says, \u201cThe husband has the duty to fulfill his wife\u2019s needs.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we skip right over that. We don\u2019t challenge men\u2014to say, \u201cYour wife is going to be a lot more complicated to figure out than you are; but God is charging you to learn about her sexuality, to learn how to please, to learn how to invite her into intimacy.\u201d\u00a0 We don\u2019t talk that honestly about what the Scripture actually says. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I said earlier that one of the great needs in this sexual discipleship that needs to occur is that we need, as a couple\u2014a husband and a wife\u2014need to get away and get immersed in \u201cWhat is the biblical plan for marriage?\u201d and understand God\u2019s view of human sexuality and sex in marriage. And I just recommend what we\u2019ve done at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> as an illustration of this, because we set the context for sex after about five hours of teaching at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We don\u2019t move to sex right off the bat\u2014we move to commitment; we talk about leaving, cleaving, becoming one; understanding communication; resolving conflict\u2014<em>before<\/em> we come to the subject of human sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou indicated before we came on the broadcast today that you and your husband had been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, and it had an impact in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>It did. We, actually, have been to two of them. The first one was probably\u2014we were only married for, I\u2019d say, a year. The main thing I remember about that <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014hey, I remembered it!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 That was over 20 years ago, but I remember the Women-Only Session. I don\u2019t remember the name of the woman who was teaching, but she challenged women to take seriously the sexual aspect of marriage. That had a profound impact on me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Then, the second time we went to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> was probably ten years later. Cliff and Joyce Penner were speakers at that conference. They speak very specifically about sexual intimacy and overcoming difficulty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that time in our marriage, we were encountering some difficulty. Their words really ministered to me personally and to us, as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love what you guys do with that <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. It is changing lives and marriages. It\u2019s a great resource. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it just helps a couple to sit under the teaching of some folks who have done a pretty thorough job of researching the Bible and talking about these areas of marriage\u2014the husband\u2019s responsibility, the wife\u2019s responsibility, conflict resolution, and how two people do develop their sexual relationship over a lifetime. This is something that isn\u2019t instant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget what Barbara\u2019s mom said to her just a few weeks before we got married\u2014she said, \u201cWell, sweetheart, all I can tell you is\u2014it gets better with time.\u201d\u00a0 And you know, you think about that: \u201cThat\u2019s not a lot of words;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cbut from a mom to a daughter, it\u2019s sweet. It authenticates it, and it blesses it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we have a generation of young people today who need that kind of godly counsel that blesses this area; because the world is, again, twisting and really trying to take it in another direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>And because the world is taking it in another direction, I think that the average Christian couple can\u2019t imagine God blessing anything sexual\u2014where we see in the Song of Solomon that, actually, God is blessing this couple that is in the midst of sexual intimacy: \u201cEat friends. Drink. Imbibe deeply. Enjoy this because I gave this to you as a gift. Even if you\u2019ve got all kinds of things in your past, bring those before Me \/ lay them before Me; and I bless what you have today within the confines of marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. There is a great picnic in the Song of Solomon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>There is\u2014yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And if you\u2019ve not read that, you need to read all the way through the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And obey the Scriptures. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re talking to Dr. Juli Slattery. The book she\u2019s written is called <em>25 Questions You\u2019re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJuli, over the years, one of the things that has been a question that we\u2019ve increasingly heard from women is, \u201cI don\u2019t fit the stereotype.\u201d\u00a0 The stereotype is the husband has the appetite for this area, and the wife doesn\u2019t. \u201cIn my marriage\u201d\u2014this wife will say to us\u2014\u201cit\u2019s the opposite. Is there something wrong with me, or what\u2019s wrong with him?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes. I would say that probably for couples that are in their 20s or 30s, that stereotype is actually even broken now; because it\u2019s so common now for the wife to want sexual intimacy more than the husband does. It\u2019s a new norm which is something that we increasingly hear as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, what\u2019s the deal?\u00a0 Why is it like that?\u00a0 And what do you say to a wife who says, \u201cMy husband just is not interested\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>It\u2019s difficult to have a cookie-cutter response to that, Bob, because I think that there are so many different reasons why that can be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>For some couples, it\u2019s just their normal \/ it\u2019s their biology. It can be the fact that, in some cases, a woman has a higher than normal level of testosterone in her body. It can be personality. So, for some couples, you just have to say: \u201cYou know, this is our normal, and we don\u2019t need to compare ourselves to some stereotype. Let\u2019s just enjoy what we have together and work through it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are also couples where there is something going on that needs to be addressed. A couple of the most common issues are\u2014number one, pornography; and number two, I think, men not feeling like men in marriage. We\u2019ll talk about both of those for a second here. With pornography, what you have to understand is\u2014pornography ruins your sexual appetite. It\u2019s almost as if you feed a kid, growing up, Doritos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and ice cream and then you put broccoli and chicken in front of them, they don\u2019t have an appetite for what\u2019s healthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what\u2019s happening with this whole generation of men related to pornography. They\u2019ve been exposed to it from the time they were eight, or ten, or twelve and exposed repeatedly to the point where their brain cannot sexually respond to normal, healthy sexuality. In many cases, I think that\u2019s the issue\u2014where men cannot respond to healthy, sexual intimacy; and also, it\u2019s safer for them to escape to fantasy or pornography rather than work through the issues with their wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is no rejection in pornography. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But in marriage, you face the potential of being turned away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>And there\u2019s no work that you have to do with pornography\u2014there is no waiting \/ there is no loving, and sacrifice, and communication. So, men are just going that route instead of working on true intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; the command for husbands to understand their wives\u2014it\u2019s not optional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And this area, I think, points out to us how well we understand our wives or how little we understand our wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you said it\u2019s not just pornography. There may be another factor that is draining the sexual interest away from a husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes; I have found in working with couples that very often the pattern that\u2019s happening in the bedroom is mirroring the pattern that\u2019s happening in their emotional relationship. We\u2019re seeing more and more that women are getting married with a sense of confidence and competence and \u201cI know where we\u2019re headed, and I have goals.\u201d Men are more immature in terms of knowing who they are, what they want, and spiritually more immature. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we have women really leading the family; and we have women that are critical of their husbands\u2014almost treat them like little kids, like: \u201cPick up your socks,\u201d and \u201cWhy did you do it this way?\u201d\u00a0 That is going to bleed over into the bedroom. I think a lot of the reason we\u2019re seeing this dynamic is because men don\u2019t feel like men in their marriage. They feel like they are married to their mom, who is always criticizing and telling them how to do things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is going to flow over into sexual intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, now, the reason that is difficult to talk about these topics is\u2014I would hate for the couple that has healthy, emotional intimacy\u2014there is no pornography involved, but they still have this dynamic of the woman having a higher sex drive than the man\u2014for them to feel paranoid\u2014like: \u201cWell, there must be something wrong with us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I would say\u2014in probably 80 percent of those marriages, where there is this role reversal, there is something else going on\u2014whether it\u2019s pornography, or maybe sexual abuse that a husband has in his past, or this pattern of a woman being a very dominant person in the family and the man becoming passive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Comment on workaholism; because we live in a very fast-paced culture, where sometimes guys are just worn out from their jobs and they don\u2019t have a lot of energy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Guys and gals\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I mean, it is husbands and wives getting together at ten o\u2019clock, going: \u201cI\u2019m exhausted. Are you exhausted?\u201d\u00a0 I just have to say here\u2014 there have been a few times when my wife said, \u201cI thought you said you were exhausted;\u201d and I said, \u201cWell, I thought I was.\u201d\u00a0 So, that\u2014it doesn\u2019t always work that way, but what is this dynamic of how being exhausted can affect your intimate relationship?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes; and the number one reason why women are not interested in sex is because of exhaustion. I think men are catching up with that in terms of just the levels of stress that they\u2019re dealing with\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>\u2014the tiredness. That\u2019s all feeding into a lack of sexual interest as well. But I think the main point here is that most couples do not see their sexual relationship as a priority. Now, some guys are saying, \u201cI sure do\u201d; but I would say, in general, the average couple doesn\u2019t say, before the Lord, \u201cThis is something that we need to make a priority and work on.\u201d\u00a0 Now, if you read 1 Corinthians 7, that passage is actually saying:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThis should be a priority. You should not be neglecting this area of your marriage. You should be working on making it fun and exciting for both of you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you don\u2019t make something a priority, you save the leftovers for it\u2014so: \u201cIf we happen to have a little extra energy\u2014both of us\u2014at 10:30 at night, when we\u2019ve worked all day and taken care of kids, maybe, we can enjoy each other.\u201d\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s not going to happen. When you begin saying: \u201cThis is not only a priority for us in marriage, it\u2019s also a priority that God has given us in marriage,\u201d you begin saying, \u201cOkay; we\u2019ve got to save some of the best of who we are to work on this\u2014our energy, our time, our focus.\u201d\u00a0 That can be a game changer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what we\u2019re talking about, Juli, is really a part of your concept called sexual discipleship, which is getting God\u2019s perspective on sex. I would just encourage our listeners: \u201cIf you want to begin that process, Juli\u2019s book, <em>25 Questions You\u2019re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy<\/em>, would be a great way to start. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAnd also, the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014come as a couple\u2014invest the weekend and have some good, honest and, maybe, hard, difficult conversations about the sexual dimension of your marriage relationship.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you said it earlier\u2014how did you say it?\u2014about some areas are far too important to avoid?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes; they are worth doing poorly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s true with our children as we educate them; and it\u2019s also true of us, as husbands and wives. We need to make sure we run the race together and end up at the finish line together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what we\u2019re trying to point people to as they attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. In fact, let me just remind listeners\u2014if you have not been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> or, maybe, it\u2019s been\u2014oh, I don\u2019t know\u2014more than a decade since you came to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, what about this fall?\u00a0 You can sign up online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call if you have any questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you\u2019re on our website, be sure to get a copy of Dr. Juli Slattery\u2019s book, <em>25 Questions You\u2019re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy<\/em>. You can order that from us at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you\u2019ve not yet started using the ten devotionals that we have put together to help us keep our hearts and minds anchored in who Christ is during times of instability, like we\u2019re in right now as a nation, let me point you to your smartphone. If you have the FamilyLife app, you can pull up these devotionals and use them at the dinner table or the breakfast table. Or if you\u2019d prefer, you can download a PDF of these devotionals and use that. Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, in order to download the PDF. Again, we hope these devotionals are something you can use as a family and that you\u2019ll find them helpful as they remind you of what is true in times of instability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d today to Luis and Lidia Beltre, who live in Laurel, Maryland. The Beltres are celebrating eight years as husband and wife. And you know what?\u00a0 In eight years, they\u2019ve already been to three <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways. They are also listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on WAVA, and they help support this ministry. Thank you for partnering with us as we seek to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families, day in and day out, through this ministry. We\u2019re so grateful for your partnership with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if there is any listener who would like to make a donation to help support this work and to invest in marriages and families, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you for your support today,\u201d by sending you a banner that Barbara Rainey has created. It\u2019s a banner that declares your home is an embassy of the kingdom of heaven. That\u2019s our thank-you gift when you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear about the breakthrough that happened in Juli Slattery\u2019s marriage when it came to the subject of intimacy and sex. She\u2019ll share that story tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304224"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304224"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304224"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304224"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}