{"id":304222,"date":"2016-10-24T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-10-24T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-does-god-approve-of\/"},"modified":"2016-10-24T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-10-24T15:00:00","slug":"what-does-god-approve-of","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-does-god-approve-of\/","title":{"rendered":"What Does God Approve Of?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some things, like intimacy, are hard to discuss. Clinical psychologist Dr. Juli Slattery answers the question she&#8217;s asked most frequently: &#8220;What does God approve of?&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.17M","filesize_raw":"26395090","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810,2088],"tags":[4240,4066,2989,4239,4241],"podcast_series":[7193],"cwp_profile":[3388],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304222","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-guilt","tag-intimacy","tag-pornography","tag-sexual-trauma","tag-sexually-permissive-culture","podcast_series-25-questions-youre-afraid-to-ask","cwp_profile-juli-slattery","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304222\/what-does-god-approve-of","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304222\/what-does-god-approve-of","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"hMG1PyWBn7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-does-god-approve-of\/\">What Does God Approve Of?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-does-god-approve-of\/embed\/#?secret=hMG1PyWBn7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Does God Approve Of?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"hMG1PyWBn7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Some things, like intimacy, are hard to discuss. Clinical psychologist Dr. Juli Slattery answers the question she's asked most frequently: \"What does God approve of?\"","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>More marriages than ever are struggling with issues related to marital intimacy and sexuality. Dr. Juli Slattery says, \u201cThere is a good reason why.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>You can now assume that the average couple is dealing with issues of pornography \/ there is a good chance there has been sexual trauma in the past\u2014that people are bringing in a lot of baggage, and shame, and guilt about the things that have happened before marriage. We\u2019re dealing with the assumption, now, that there are an awful lot of men and women who are single, into their 30s and 40s, before their first marriage. The game has really changed. God\u2019s truth hasn\u2019t changed, but how we address it and the assumptions we make are very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to dive right into today and talk about issues that a lot of you are facing in your marriage. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for joining us. We just ought to say, here at the beginning\u2014we\u2019re about to have a candid conversation on a sensitive subject. It\u2019s one that you sometimes wonder, \u201cShould we even be talking about this?\u201d\u00a0 But honestly, every time we talk to couples about issues in their marriage, this subject comes up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It does. We\u2019ve got a person who knows how to handle delicate subjects like this very, very well. Dr. Juli Slattery joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Juli\u2014welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Juli: <\/strong>Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, I\u2019m really impressed, Bob, that Juli chose to be on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Most of our guests we trick, but Juli actually chose to be on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and talk about this subject we\u2019re going to talk about. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She knew what she was getting herself into; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In case our listeners don\u2019t know who that name is\u2014Juli is married to Mike and has been since 1994. She has three sons\u2014lives in Colorado. She is a clinical psychologist\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014author of seven books, speaker, and host of <em>Java with Juli<\/em>, which takes place in a coffee shop. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>It does; yes. See, I love coffee so much I had to find a way to work it into my normal routine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. Have you done some <em>Java with Juli<\/em> on this book we\u2019re about to talk about?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Well, you know, I think that this book came out of a lot of those conversations. So, it\u2019s kind of sprinkled around, I\u2019d say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, our audience is wondering what you\u2019ve written about. Here\u2019s the name of the book\u2014you\u2019re going to get the point\u2014<em>25 Questions You\u2019re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy<\/em>. Why this book?\u00a0 Why now?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Well, I run a ministry called Authentic Intimacy. A lot of what I do every day is teach, and write, and answer people\u2019s questions on sexuality. Wherever I go\u2014for example, speaking\u2014we will have at least a half an hour, if not an hour, of live Q&amp;A where women can text in their questions anonymously. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrom that and, also, meeting with women and the emails we get\u2014there are some consistent questions that women will ask. We just thought: \u201cHey, why not compile this into one resource?\u00a0 These are the questions that either we get asked all the time or, sometimes, they\u2019re the questions underneath the question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Is there a number one question women are asking today that seems to be a unique question because of the day we live in?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>The questions that are most common, probably, would be the most common ten years ago, I\u2019m going to think\u2014about like: \u201cWhat does God approve of in the marriage bed?\u201d for example\u2014or as a single woman\u2014\u201cDoes God say this act is wrong?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the number one question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, in terms of the changing culture, what I\u2019ve seen\u2014and probably what you\u2019ve seen in your ministry to marriage and family\u2014is that things that were an <em>assumption<\/em> 15 or \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t20 years ago are no longer an assumption\u2014like: \u201cWhere does the Bible actually say it\u2019s wrong to have sex out of marriage?\u00a0 I\u2019ve never heard that before,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014whereas, again, 15 or 20 years ago, those were assumptions that we could begin with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When we host our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways for couples, we always have time where we are with the engaged couples.\u00a0 Twenty years ago, when you got the engaged couples together in the room, you had an assumption, as a speaker, that some percentage of your audience was probably sexually active during their engagement period. Today, when you get together with that group, the assumption is virtually everybody\u2014in fact, I think the statistic I saw most recently was that five percent of women who get married today are virgins when they get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re in a very different place than we were two decades ago, as it relates to a lot of the subjects that you are writing about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>And it\u2019s not just being sexually active; but you can now assume that the average couple is dealing with issues of pornography; that there is a good chance there has been sexual trauma in the past\u2014that people are bringing in a lot of baggage, and shame, and guilt about the things that have happened before marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re dealing with the assumption, now, that there are an awful lot of men and women, who are single into their 30s and 40s, before their first marriage. The game has really changed. God\u2019s truth hasn\u2019t changed, but how we address it and the assumptions we make are very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There is one other subject you left out of that list, and that\u2019s the multiple choice sexuality that we have today. People used to have to decide whether they were going to be immoral or not. Now, they have to choose whether they are male\/female, homosexual male\/homosexual female, transgender. There is fluidity about our culture today that really adds a lot of confusion as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s a great point. And I think, even within the last five years, we\u2019ve seen this permission being given to children, to parents, and to teens. I don\u2019t think we\u2019ve seen the impact of that yet. I think, probably, in another five or ten years, we\u2019re going to start seeing these young children that were told, at a young age, that: \u201cYou can choose to be male or female,\u201d \u201cYou can choose your sexual orientation,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014when they start getting into their 20s and 30s, it\u2019s going to be, again, a big game changer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Juli, I\u2019m imagining that when you were a junior in high school and starting to think: \u201cGee, I wonder what God\u2019s plan for my life is. I wonder what I\u2019ll be doing and what\u2014how He\u2019ll direct my life,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m guessing, as a junior, you weren\u2019t thinking, \u201cI bet I\u2019ll be writing and speaking a lot about sexuality and intimacy.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>No; I wasn\u2019t thinking that ten years ago. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, where did this begin to blossom in your life and why this subject for you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>It began with the Lord taking me, personally, very deep in my relationship with Him, just out of the blue. There was a season of about a year where God was just waking me up in the middle of the night, just drawing me to Himself in a way that I had never experienced before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt about the same time, I had met Linda Dillow. She began to just spiritually mentor me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I was going through that time of seeking the Lord, month after month after month, I actually started to get a pain in my chest \/ in my heart that would get more intense as I would pray. It was there for months. Linda started to say: \u201cThe Lord is giving you a new call. You need to ask Him what He\u2019s calling you to.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019d just get on my knees and say: \u201cGod, what is this pain?\u00a0 What is this call?\u201d\u00a0 One day, on my knees, I was just praying. The words of Isaiah 61, verses 1-3, just flooded through my mind\u2014that \u201cGod has anointed me to preach good news to the poor, to bind up the broken hearted, to set the captives free.\u201d I didn\u2019t even know where that verse was found. I Googled it on my phone\u2014found it in Isaiah\u2014and wrote in my Bible on that day: \u201cThis is Your call on my life,\u201d and wrote the date and didn\u2019t know where that would lead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s kind of a long story to say that this was not my choice. I was probably the least likely to be a spokesperson on sexuality\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because I don\u2019t like conflict \/ I don\u2019t like difficult conversations\u2014but it was so clear that this was what God was calling me to\u2014just the pain, particularly, that women experience all around the world on this issue of sexuality and that God hears that pain, that He hears the cries, and that His truth is able to minister. That\u2019s how all this began; and since then, it\u2019s just been really a daily walk of faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You quoted what Isaiah talked about. It\u2019s actually kind of a picture of going to a prison\u2014a place of torture \/ a place of pain. What percent of women today, do you think, are coming out of that prison when it comes to their own sexuality?\u00a0 Is it over 50 percent; do you think?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>For sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And where are there major issues that they are struggling with right now that you are picking up?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes; I would say that percentage is probably around 80 percent in my experience. I think the reason that we don\u2019t see that big percentage is because the struggles are different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe tend to categorize and compartmentalize. For example, if we\u2019ve got about 30 percent of women who\u2019ve experienced childhood sexual abuse\u2014probably, the percentage is even higher; but that\u2019s what\u2019s being reported\u2014then, you also have women, who are drawn into pornography, that struggle with lust issues. They don\u2019t know where to go with those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, you have women who struggle with sexual identity. As the research is coming out in homosexuality, you find that about seven percent of women struggle, at some point, with sexual identity issues. That\u2019s more than double the percentage of men that struggle. So, women are being told that their sexuality is more fluid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, you add to that, Dennis and Bob, just the average Christian wife who doesn\u2019t know how to enjoy sexuality\u2014whether it is physically painful; or she\u2019s filled with shame and guilt about this issue \/ she can\u2019t forgive herself for things in the past. Maybe, her husband is involved in pornography or has been unfaithful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou add all of those together\u2014and even things I\u2019m not mentioning\u2014and you\u2019re talking about a vast majority of women in churches, I\u2019d even say, who have these hidden issues and nowhere to go to ask the questions because they\u2019re not invited to ask. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And one of the things I want to talk about before we\u2019re done is\u2014I want to talk about equipping parents to know how to raise their sons and daughters in this culture and how to cope with damage that\u2019s done to their children\u2014maybe, they\u2019re victimized \/ maybe, it\u2019s their own choice\u2014but I\u2019d like you to help parents know how to coach their kids \/ counsel their kids\u2014allow them to come out of the prison \/ out of the hidden shame\u2014and deal with this without having to go through a long valley in their adult experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>You cannot give what you do not have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>And that\u2019s the first step\u2014is that a lot of parents don\u2019t know where their own issues are regarding sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t have a practical understanding of how God views sexual brokenness \/ healthy sexuality. So, they feel very ill-equipped to pass on those conversations and beliefs to their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where you\u2019ve got to start\u2014is: \u201cWho are you\u2014as a mom or a dad, as a husband or a wife, as a male or female\u2014in terms of your own sexuality working through your own brokenness?\u201d\u00a0 Then, once God has really brought truth into your life, you can begin passing that on to your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, we talked about the fact that the vast majority of people getting married today have already been sexually-experienced \/ they\u2019ve already been together as a couple. They\u2019re bringing into marriage\u2014whether they know it or not \/ whether they believe it or not\u2014they\u2019re bringing in baggage \/ they\u2019re bringing in scars. They have disobeyed what God has said is best. There is shame there, whether they realize it or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, Juli\u2014years ago, speaking to a group of parents and asking this question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I said, \u201cHow many of you would love for your children, as they are growing up, you would love for them to have exactly the same experience in dating and relationships before marriage that you had when you were growing up?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>What a great question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In a room of a hundred people, you\u2019d see two or three hands go up. Now, that\u2019s got a lot of parents out their going, \u201cI don\u2019t want my kids to follow the path that I went on.\u201d\u00a0 Yet, many of these couples don\u2019t know what to do with the sexual shame, the sexual brokenness, the sexual sin that\u2019s a part of their past that is still influencing their attempt to have healthy marital sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>And it\u2019s not only the shame that you bring into marriage\u2014that\u2019s a big part of it\u2014but it\u2019s also how you view sexuality. When you have sexual intercourse with someone before marriage, essentially, you are trading a commodity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re saying, \u201cI\u2019ll please you if you\u2019ll please me.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019re always on trial. What the research is showing\u2014particularly, couples that live together before they are married\u2014they bring that attitude about sexuality and relationship into their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you save sexuality for marriage, you\u2019re saying: \u201cThis is an expression and a celebration of the promise we\u2019ve made to each other. No matter what happens, I\u2019m not going to reject you. If you don\u2019t please me, I\u2019m not going to reject you. We\u2019re going to work through issues.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, it\u2019s not just the shame and guilt. It\u2019s that residual belief about why we are sexual and why we share our sexuality: \u201cAm I on trial in front of my husband or wife?\u00a0 Are they going to reject me?\u201d or \u201cIs this a covenant and the celebration of a covenant?\u201d\u00a0 People don\u2019t think that way \/ they don\u2019t talk about that, but <em>that<\/em> underlies a marriage. Until you get to some of those issues, it\u2019s very difficult to pass on healthy beliefs to your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, to that person who feels on trial\u2014who feels like he or she is under performance with their spouse\u2014what do you advise him or her to do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>I think it begins by acknowledging that we\u2019ve brought, not only the obvious sexual baggage into our marriage, but we really allowed the enemy to have a foothold here. We\u2019ve allowed him to tell us lies\u2014like: \u201cI can\u2019t trust in your love. You may reject me,\u201d or lies that: \u201cI have to perform for you to stay with me,\u201d\u2014\u201cThose are underlying our marriage. Let\u2019s, as a couple, just get on our knees and ask God to break all of that that happened before we got married and to renew what we are doing here.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve met with couples who actually will say: \u201cFrom this day forward, our sexual intimacy is going to be a whole different deal, because we <em>understand<\/em> it now. We\u2019re going to say: \u2018God, forgive us and release us from all of our past. We want to move forward with a new beginning.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 I think that\u2019s a really healthy place to start. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think there is something powerful, intensely spiritual, and healing to a husband and a wife who can bow their wills before Almighty God together, and pray together, and pray for one another, and begin to yield this area of their lives for God to sanctify it, make it right, make it holy\u2014however, you want to describe it as the Bible would\u2014and to allow that sexual dimension of the marriage relationship to be used for His purposes in their relationship; because it is good \/ it\u2019s not bad\u2014the world is the one who has caused us to think that it\u2019s bad and evil. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Yes; and even when you mentioned praying together about your sex life and marriage, a lot of people are like: \u201cReally?\u00a0 You can pray about that?\u00a0 God really wants to hear about it?\u201d\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 He wants to bless it, and He wants to sanctify it. If you, as a couple, would commit\u2014even for a month or two\u2014to pray about sexual intimacy in your marriage, to pray together, to pray before or after sexual intimacy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you\u2019re going to see God begin to release things that you didn\u2019t even know were there from your past and bring healing that you didn\u2019t even know you needed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A number of years ago, we had a conversation with a young wife. Her name was Heather Jamison\u2014I don\u2019t know if that name rings a bell with you\u2014but on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, we posted the interviews that we did with Heather. She and her boyfriend became sexually active while she was a senior in high school \/ he was a freshman in college. She became pregnant quickly. The families got together and decided, \u201cWell, if you\u2019re pregnant, you need to get married.\u201d\u00a0 They got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYears into their marriage, significant struggles\u2014not just in the sexual area\u2014but in <em>all<\/em> areas. Heather came to a point where she recognized: \u201cWe have never fully addressed the reality of our sexual sin. We felt bad about it. We were sorry about it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she said, \u201cThere\u2019s a difference between that and repenting before the Lord with a brokenness and an understanding of how this was an offense against Him\u2014not just a bad mistake we made\u2014but we offended God.\u201d\u00a0 She goes on to describe how this act of being broken before the Lord about the reality of sexual sin was the first step to liberation for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m sure you\u2019ve talked to person after person who has had that same kind of breakthrough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli: <\/strong>Absolutely. And this can apply, also, to things like a spouse that\u2019s been unfaithful or a spouse who has been into pornography\u2014to have that moment, as a couple, where you truly realize the devastation that\u2019s been done\u2014not just sweeping it under the rug or saying, \u201cHey, we got counseling,\u201d\u2014but before the Lord, true repentance and <em>believing<\/em> that He is able to redeem and heal is the most profound thing that you can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s something I think we skip right over. We look for the advice of: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHow do we fix it?\u201d Scripture will say, \u201cIf you will confess your sin before God, He is going to be faithful to cleanse you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And let me just say\u2014I think a person can tell whether they have really addressed their sexual sin from the past if they\u2019ll just do this simple test. If they\u2019ll say, \u201cHere\u2019s what I did in the past, and I know it was a sin against God,\u201d\u2014and if they can just stop there without saying, \u201cBut\u2026\u201d\u2014see, it\u2019s when we get to \u201cI know it was a sin against God, but\u2026\u2014and then, we have all the excuses\u2014\u201cbut I was this,\u201d or \u201cI did that,\u201d or\u2014now, all of a sudden, it\u2019s like: \u201cNo; you need to be able to stop with: \u2018I know it was a sin against God. I know it was an offense against His holiness.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to get to the place where you really face up to the fact that this is not an excusable act, but this is really a conscious choice of sin that reaps consequences in your life. Until you get there, I don\u2019t think you can get to the liberation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; we\u2019re not talking about a formula here to solve this problem, but we have talked about a couple of things that really do work. First of all, repentance\u2014which we\u2019ve been talking about here\u2014where you do admit before Almighty God: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I turn from that sin. We confess it together, as a couple; and we turn away from it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is for a couple to pray together\u2014and I think importantly, out loud\u2014to be intimate with God together, as a couple, perhaps, before sharing in intimacy as a couple or, as you mentioned, Juli, afterward\u2014just to acknowledge that this was made by God in the first place \/ this is not manmade. This is made by Almighty God, and you want to invite Almighty God into the most intimate area of your relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>But there is a third thing that I just want to highlight here that\u2019s so important\u2014you\u2019ve got to begin to erase the past but replace it with the right thoughts about sex today and the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to just say, \u201cOne of the best ways you can do that is by coming to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u201d\u00a0 Come and hear God\u2019s perspective on sex in a wholesome, practical, edifying way. You hear it at the conference, and you hear it together. It gives you a vocabulary to talk about it, and you realize: \u201cThis is good. This is okay; and God does delight in us coming together, as a couple.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of couples go through a period of their lives and they stay in the valley too long, when they don\u2019t have to stay there\u2014they can find solutions today. There are a lot of great tools. We\u2019ve just talked about three of them here\u2014repentance, prayer, and then, getting God\u2019s perspective on sex at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. The key is: \u201cStep out of the hidden places and come and allow God to shine His light on it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is one of the key issues that gets addressed at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. I\u2019ve talked to so many couples there, who have said, \u201cThank you for being appropriate and yet candid in addressing this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, where can you go to get a good, honest, biblical look at what God created\u2014human sexuality?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d encourage our listeners\u2014if you have not yet signed up for one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways this fall, we still have a couple dozen events happening between now and the end of the year. You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and look for information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, look for information about the book we\u2019ve been talking about today from Dr. Juli Slattery that\u2019s called <em>25 Questions You\u2019re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy<\/em>. You can order the book from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 And we\u2019ll be happy to get a copy of Dr. Slattery\u2019s book to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGiven all of the turmoil that\u2019s going on in our country these days, with the elections and all of the dialogue that\u2019s taking place, we have put together a series of ten devotionals for your family just to remind all of us that the stability that we need in times like this comes from having our hearts anchored in Christ. He is our refuge and our strength. They\u2019re available on the FamilyLife app on your smartphone. If you haven\u2019t downloaded our app, just go to your app store and look for the FamilyLife app and download it. You can pull up the devotionals on your smartphone, or you can download them as a PDF document from our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it is a big day today out in Yukon, Oklahoma, where Rocky and Cindy Terrel are celebrating their 24<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. The Terrels listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on KAKO radio. They\u2019ve been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, they brought a group of folks to a recent <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway; and they are also Legacy Partners. We just wanted to say: \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to the Terrels. \u201cThanks for your support of this ministry.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife exists so that more couples will celebrate more anniversaries. We are The Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. Actually, those of you who, like the Terrels, help support this ministry\u2014that\u2019s what you are supporting. You are supporting the health of couples and families who depend on FamilyLife for practical biblical help and hope. When you make a donation today, you\u2019re investing in the marriages and the families of tens of thousands of couples who are being helped today through the ministry of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to show our thanks by sending you a banner that Barbara Rainey has created that is a reminder that your home is an embassy of the kingdom of heaven. You can request your embassy banner when you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more about love, and intimacy, and sex, and what\u2019s okay and what\u2019s not, and \u201cHow can yours be better?\u201d\u00a0 Dr. Juli Slattery will be back with us. Hope you can be back as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304222","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304222"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304222"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304222"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304222"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304222"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304222"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304222"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}