{"id":304200,"date":"2016-10-10T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-10-10T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/perfect-love-casts-out-fear\/"},"modified":"2016-10-10T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-10-10T15:00:00","slug":"perfect-love-casts-out-fear","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/perfect-love-casts-out-fear\/","title":{"rendered":"Perfect Love Casts Out Fear"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Trillia Newbell | Series: Fear and Faith | Does fear plague you? Trillia Newbell, director of Community Outreach for the Southern Baptist Convention, talks about her long battle with fear. Newbell talks about the death of her father, and the fear she had of displeasing her husband. Newbell reminds believers to take every thought captive, and to fear the Lord, rather than man.Show Notes &#038; Resources&#8217;Fear &#038; Faith&#8217; Study Guide &#8211; Download the free discussion questions that go along with the book<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Trillia Newbell talks about the death of her father, and the fear she had of displeasing her husband. Newbell reminds believers to take every thought captive, and to fear the Lord, rather than man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-10.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.63M","filesize_raw":"26876525","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822],"tags":[4299,4584,6085],"podcast_series":[8167],"cwp_profile":[3473],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304200","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","tag-faith","tag-fear","tag-perfect-love-casts-out-fear","podcast_series-fear-and-faith","cwp_profile-trillia-newbell","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304200\/perfect-love-casts-out-fear","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304200\/perfect-love-casts-out-fear","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ReXZbcfSrV\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/perfect-love-casts-out-fear\/\">Perfect Love Casts Out Fear<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/perfect-love-casts-out-fear\/embed\/#?secret=ReXZbcfSrV\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Perfect Love Casts Out Fear&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ReXZbcfSrV\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-10.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-10.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a young wife, Trillia Newbell wanted to love and serve her husband well\u2014a godly ambition\u2014but she explains how that godly ambition ended up becoming a snare for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>One of my greatest fears used to be that I wouldn\u2019t be enough for him\u2014not now\u2014but that I would serve him well. I wanted to be this <em>perfect<\/em> wife \/ this perfect bride\u2014whatever that is!\u00a0 So, this\u2014I think goes back to the fear of man. In my desire to love and serve him, I would fear that I would displease him and I wouldn\u2019t be enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear, today, how the opposite of fear isn\u2019t courage\u2014it\u2019s faith. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Why don\u2019t you remind our listeners about what is engraved on the inside\u2014is it your wedding band, too, or just Barbara\u2019s?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, that\u2019s a good question. I haven\u2019t pulled it off and looked at it\u2014in fact, I tried to read it the other day\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s been on there for 40-plus years. So, it\u2019s probably worn down a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it really is worn down. First John, Chapter 4, talks about perfect love casting out all fear. Basically, when we married, we both determined we were both a pair of scaredy cats\u2014now, not really\u2014but we had a lot of fears as singles. I think, today, because singles are waiting until later in life to marry, they are loaded with fears as they date, as they approach the possibility of getting married, and then, get married, moving forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd our guest on the program today is nodding her head as though, maybe, she had a few fears when she was dating her husband Thern, all the way back to 2003, when you guys married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you, Trillia?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 Well, a lot of unknowns. You\u2019re questioning more about your future and probably a lot more hesitant. I think that you see that in singles. I see that\u2014I have a girlfriend who has experienced that\u2014where the men are noncommittal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. Well, you\u2019ve written a book called <em>Fear and Faith: Finding the Peace Your Heart Craves<\/em>. I think Trillia Newbell has the longest title of any human being we\u2019ve ever introduced, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, in terms of what she does. She is a consultant on the Women\u2019s Initiatives for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission for the Southern Baptist Convention and Russell Moore. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>That\u2019s funny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You do work with Russell, who is a good friend of ours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I do, and he is wonderful. And I\u2019m now the Director of Community Outreach. So, that is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do we just add that to the growing title here?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I know, it\u2019s like the longest title ever. Well, it\u2019s not the title that\u2019s long\u2014it\u2019s the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Southern Baptist Convention\u2014that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>That is forever!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s a great organization the Southern Baptists have founded; because Russell and you do a great job of addressing a lot of thorny issues in our culture, especially that we have to deal with around marriage and family \/ gender issues today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to ask you: \u201cWhy did you write a book about fear?\u00a0 Was it that big of an issue for you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. It\u2019s not just a big issue for me\u2014it\u2019s a big issue for many. I recognized that it was something that I was struggling with in my own life; and then, as I would write an article or speak with women, what I realized is that <em>everyone<\/em> struggles with fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is <em>broad<\/em>\u2014fear of man, fear of what others think of you, to fear the future, fear of tragedy. I wrote this book, not as someone who has arrived, but as someone who has learned to fight for faith; and I wanted to encourage and give hope to others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you a fearful child when you were growing up?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you afraid to go to the top of the monkey bars or whatever else?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Not at all. I was\u2014actually did gymnastics so I could do a backflip\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>\u2014in college; yes. So, I was\u2014I lacked a lot of fear. It\u2019s when I started to experience tragedy, I think, is when I started to realize more and more that life can be hard. I\u2019ve had four miscarriages, and the death of my father, the death of my oldest sister\u2014and just these tragedies, I think, is when I started to realize, \u201cOh, I\u2019m struggling with fear.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when I became a Christian, one of the things that God \/ one of the first things He did was help me realize that I was living so much of my life for myself\u2014but also for my father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realized that I was living and operating under the fear of man so much. As God revealed that to me, more and more, I saw how I feared what other people thought of me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But it was your relationship with your dad\u2014and fear about how he viewed you\u2014was that kind of where the genesis of a fearful spirit came from with you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes and no\u2014not fear of how he <em>viewed<\/em> me, because he was always <em>so<\/em> encouraging and he was an <em>incredible<\/em> encouragement; but what I realized is that I had spent a lot of my life living <em>for<\/em> his praise \/ living <em>for<\/em> his approval, even though I had it\u2014I had it. He never put any pressure\u2014he was <em>so<\/em> encouraging, but I wanted to make sure I pleased my dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I became a Christian and my father had passed away, I realized, \u201cOh, so much of my life has been trying to make sure that I please people.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really affected me as I understood salvation and that I am already pleasing to the Lord\u2014because of Jesus \/ because of His sacrifice\u2014and God looks to Jesus. Now, I can obey, but it\u2019s not because I am going to earn anything. It\u2019s already been earned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just changed my view on all sorts of things but also, how I lived and what I was thinking. Now, I still struggle with the fear of man. I have to fight that temptation to be concerned about what other people <em>think<\/em> about me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We all face that; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely\u2014but it is God\u2019s kindness that leads us to repentance and His kindness to reveal our sin to us. That was one area that I think, in the very beginning, the Lord revealed to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think it\u2019s helpful for us to stop for a minute and think: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt\u2019s not that we shouldn\u2019t care, at some level, about how other people view us\u2014but when we are <em>controlled<\/em> by that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat\u2019s the difference between wanting to be aware of and caring about being pleasing to other people. But when that controls you \/ when that\u2019s what\u2019s making the decisions in your life\u2014that\u2019s where this fear has gotten out of control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think, at this point, you have to go back and say, \u201cWhat, really, is the definition of fear?\u201d\u00a0 The word, actually, means <em>flight<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what fear means\u2014if you go all back to the Garden, it\u2019s the first response to what Adam and Eve did when they disobeyed God and were filled with pride\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014when they wanted to be their own god. The first manifestation of sin was fear. Now, all fear is not sin\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014but some fear is. How do you determine the difference between the two?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I think when you are putting your hope in something else\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so you are fearful of the future, you\u2019re fearful of tragedy, fearful of\u2014you\u2019re placing your hope in money. That is a <em>clear<\/em> indication that you are not fearing what you should fear\u2014which is the <em>Lord<\/em>\u2014and that fear leads to worship, and trust, and peace, and rest\u2014where fear \/ the sin fear leads to anxiety. It can lead to depression. It can lead to sinful anger. It can lead to untrue thoughts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think part of evaluating if you fear rightly is to evaluate your heart response and, sometimes, your physical response to it. I do think there is a <em>healthy<\/em> fear as well. If I\u2019m walking down a street and I have the option: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m by myself. I\u2019m going to go down this dark alley, or I\u2019m going to go where there are a bunch of people,\u201d\u2014I think God has given us this emotion for discernment. I\u2019m not going to go down that dark alley. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to be discerning and, really, fear Him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>\u2014and go where there are people and light. So, I think that you do\u2014you have to evaluate\u2014and get to the root and ask the Lord to reveal your heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking with Trillia Newbell, who has written a book called <em>Fear and Faith: Finding the Peace Your Heart Craves<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you make a great point, which is\u2014there are places in Scripture where we are commanded to fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re commanded to fear God \/ to honor His commandments. There is a healthy respect and reverence for proper authority and proper danger\u2014to be aware of that. But that\u2019s not the kind of fear that most people are dealing with on a daily basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; and I think that\u2019s why, Bob, there are 365 \u201cfear not\u2019s\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014in the Bible. Fear and faith cannot coexist. The way to deal with fear is to face it down and ask yourself the question: \u201cAm I believing the truth about God\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cand about His control of my life and His desires for my life?\u00a0 Does He love me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think the same thing would be true as you deal with your spouse as well. If there\u2019s a major fear in your marriage, are you believing the truth about your spouse or not?\u00a0 For instance, in your relationship with Thern, what is one of your greatest fears in your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I think one of my greatest fears used to be that I wouldn\u2019t be enough for him\u2014not now\u2014but that I would serve him well. I wanted to be this <em>perfect<\/em> wife \/ this perfect bride\u2014whatever that is!\u00a0 This, I think, goes back into the fear of man. In my desire to love and serve him, I would fear that I would displease him and that I wouldn\u2019t be enough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is the most loving, gentle, and kind man that I know; and I am so grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, fear is often <em>irrational<\/em>. There is absolutely no reason for me to fear that I would not be pleasing or enough for my husband. I make that up in my head. We all must take captive our thoughts, and really submit it to the Lord, and ask Him to help us. So, in my marriage, that would have been that I wouldn\u2019t measure up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that a fear that, if you don\u2019t measure up\u2014I mean, in the back of your mind, were you thinking: \u201cIf I don\u2019t please him \/ if I\u2019m not the kind of wife I ought to be\u2014that he will lose interest in me, he\u2019ll wander from the relationship, [or] that something will cause us to move toward isolation\u201d?\u00a0 Do you think that was behind that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t fear that he would walk away. I just didn\u2019t want to be displeasing. I just wanted to\u2014it\u2019s the fear of man. It\u2019s pride, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Proverbs calls the fear of man a snare. It\u2019s like a <em>trap<\/em>\u2014it sucks you in, and it makes you do things, and think things, and act in a way that you normally wouldn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think that that\u2019s all it was, by the grace of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I do know other women who would struggle with that fear\u2014and this is the fear of the future: \u201cWill my husband walk away?\u00a0 Will he be devoted to me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, especially, in this culture; huh?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Well, sure; yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think, even when there\u2019s been no indication in the relationship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014even a wife who would say, \u201cIf I think rationally, I don\u2019t have any reason to believe my husband would ever leave the marriage; but there\u2019s still something because it happened with my mom,\u201d or \u201c\u2026because it happened with my aunt,\u201d\u2014or something that causes us to go, \u201cI guess it could happen to me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Or \u201c\u2026it happened with my friend.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Everybody\u2019s got a context, especially if you\u2019ve been impacted by divorce in the family of origin that you came from. Then, your defenses have been invaded \/ you\u2019ve experienced what it means for two people to break up \/ to break their covenant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about physical appearance?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Oh, gosh; yes\u2014[Laughter]\u2014with my husband; yes \/ but with myself too!\u00a0 I think women, in particular, really struggle with this desire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd when you\u2019re talking about culture\u2014that, I think, is a cultural, societal pressure to be this certain model\/Photoshopped-looking person. God says that it\u2019s a woman who fears the Lord who is to be praised. All of this is vain\/fleeting\u2014but yes; it is a struggle for us \/ it is a struggle\u2014body image. It\u2019s a <em>definite<\/em> fear\u2014it is just that we wouldn\u2019t be accepted or acceptable, even to ourselves; yes. I think that we get the pressure, even in greater ways, from culture. I mean, all you have to do\u2014and I wouldn\u2019t encourage you to do this\u2014is to look on the racks, as you\u2019re checking out \/ all those magazines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>We\u2019re being sold a <em>lie<\/em>; and we\u2019re being told that, in order to be <em>great<\/em>, you have to look a certain way. God says just the absolute opposite, and it wasn\u2019t about outward appearance; right?\u00a0 It was a gentle and quiet spirit that God is after. He\u2019s not after women who can flaunt certain things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, is it okay to take care of yourself?\u2014<em>absolutely<\/em>. It is absolutely <em>fine<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>But it\u2019s when we make these things gods\u2014little \u201cg\u201d gods\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia:<\/strong> \u2014idols\u2014and we begin to fear. Our response, in that, can be obsession with our weight or obsession with how we look \/ outward appearance. That is when we get into danger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, there is another area we haven\u2019t talked about here that I think is fueled by fear\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and that is our performance and our busy schedules. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It seems that moms today are more hurried and pushing their kids to do the same, because they\u2019re trying to perform. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really goes back a little to what we talked about earlier about wanting to please people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Sure.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014wanting the approval of people. How does this snare you, as a woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I have learned that you have to say, \u201cNo,\u201d It\u2019s hard, because you want to be at <em>every<\/em> birthday party that you\u2019re invited to. You want to make sure your kids experience <em>life<\/em>; but not at the expense of, for me, the dinner table. As long as we\u2019re there, in town, we have dinner together every single night. So, for me\u2014I think I\u2019m just learning the art of saying, \u201cNo,\u201d and slowing down. It\u2019s incredibly hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, one time, my kids were looking at a snail; and they were so fascinated. We didn\u2019t have to be anywhere at all, but I was like: \u201cCome on, kids!\u00a0 Come on! Come on!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I realized, \u201cWhat am I hurrying for?!\u201d\u00a0 Immediately, I felt this conviction from the Lord that they are delighting and enjoying His creation; and I am hurrying to nothing. I don\u2019t know what I need to hurry for. At that moment, I was able to stop, and slow down, and allow my kids to enjoy God\u2019s creation. I think what our temptation is\u2014is to try to \u201cKeep with the Joneses\u201d\u2014that phrase\u2014and to do just too much. That would be my struggle too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What is your advice to a woman, who is listening right now: \u201cThat\u2019s me. I\u2019m trading hurry, but what I really need is peace. I need those moments like you had with your children, who got you stopped long enough to see the wonder of a tiny, little creature.\u201d\u00a0 What is your advice for that woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>You\u2019re not missing out if you don\u2019t say, \u201cYes,\u201d to some activity or if you don\u2019t say, \u201cYes,\u201d to whatever is pulling you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou will miss out if you say, \u201cNo,\u201d to your kids. And that, to me, is a lesson that I\u2019m learning\u2014is that, if I am filling my life with so much other, then, I\u2019m going to miss out. I\u2019m not missing out if I say, \u201cNo,\u201d to something that\u2019s outside of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And this is where I think all of us have to regularly recalibrate what\u2019s important\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014because the culture, all the time, will tell you: \u201cNo; this is important,\u201d \u201cNo; this is <em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>\u00a0important,\u201d and your flesh will tell you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>My flesh\u2014that\u2019s what I was thinking. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cThis is important.\u201d\u00a0 Then, the devil pulls you aside and says, \u201cHere is what\u2019s really important.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we\u2019ve got to pull back and say: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not going to be directed by what the culture says. I\u2019m not going to be directed by what my flesh says. I\u2019m not going to be directed, certainly, by what the devil says. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m going to be directed by what God\u2019s Word says, in terms of where priorities ought to be. If I\u2019m going to fear anything, it\u2019s that I displeased God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cnot that I displease the culture or don\u2019t satisfy my flesh.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>And I\u2019ve failed here. I have failed to really evaluate my time well. It\u2019s helpful that I have a husband who will speak into my life and a church that will help me. I can really look and think, \u201cOkay, this is actually what\u2019s important,\u201d because it is hard with all of these various\u2014like you\u2019ve said\u2014the flesh and culture speaking to you\u2014it\u2019s hard. You really have to evaluate and be prayerful\u2014ask God: \u201cWhat really is the best use of my time?\u00a0 What really will be most glorifying to You?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I look back over my life, and I think of the lessons that God has taught me as I\u2019ve dealt with fear. And it really does go back to faith\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and it goes back to: \u201cAm I believing the right thing about God?\u00a0 Does He have my back?\u00a0 Does He love me?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cDoes He have a plan for my life?\u201d\u00a0 And when we go through difficult times, where\u2014for instance, I recall the time when Barbara nearly died with a rapid heart rate of over 300 beats a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m sitting out in the coronary care unit, wondering if I\u2019m going to be a single parent of two children\u2014two and under. Those are very real fears. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>At those moments, you\u2019ve got to go back to the Bible\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and the truth of the Bible. The question is: \u201cWhat is the truth about God?\u00a0 What has He said about your life?\u00a0 Does He have a plan?\u00a0 Does He love you, and do you believe that?\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And if you do that, I think faith causes fear to take flight. I think fear can\u2019t coexist with faith. You\u2019re either afraid, or you are trusting God. You\u2019re moving in one direction or the other. So, a good question out of the broadcast today is: \u201cWhat\u2019s the fear factor in your life?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can measure that by: \u201cWhat\u2019s the faith factor in your life too?\u00a0 Are you really trusting God with that which is troubling you today?\u201d\u00a0 He invites you to bring all your cares to Him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014to cast them on Him. Don\u2019t worry about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom had a little pet nickname for me\u2014she called me a worry-wart. I think I have a DNA of fear and worry. Fear is kind of the big brother of worry. It\u2019s when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014worry truly gives birth to a big bully. Fear can control your life, as you shared today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; I have just two words for you\u2014<em>Hakuna matata<\/em>\u2014okay?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 It means, \u201cNo worries for the rest of your days,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cYou\u2019re trouble-free.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We don\u2019t live in that culture, though, Bob. That is <em>not<\/em> our culture today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I do think there is an undercurrent \/ kind of a hidden epidemic of fearful-hearted people inside the church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is not something we talk about\u2014we keep it secret \/ we keep it cordoned off\u2014but if someone will open the door and say, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about what we might be afraid of,\u201d there can be a lot of healing that will go on if we do that. That\u2019s why I\u2019m thinking\u2014if women were to get together\u2014or men, for that matter\u2014get a copy of Trillia\u2019s book, <em>Fear and Faith<\/em>\u2014and you\u2019ve got a study guide that goes with the book that\u2019s available on your website; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know there is a video series that goes with it as well. Go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; and you can get more information about <em>Fear and Faith<\/em>, the book from Trillia Newbell. You can order copies of the book from us. And if you\u2019d like the study guide, we\u2019ve got a link at FamilyLifeToday.com that will take you to Trillia\u2019s site. You can get the study guide there. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d like to order the book by phone, call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, yesterday was a big day for some friends of ours. Rob and Laurie Kopf celebrated their 34<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary yesterday. Rob and Laurie live in Niles, Michigan. For years, Rob and Laurie worked here, at FamilyLife, and managed our warehouse. Today, they work for our friends at Life Action Ministries and Revive Our Hearts<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and run their distribution center. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Kopfs on 34 years of marriage. A special shout-out from their son, Dustin, who is still part of our staff here at FamilyLife\u2014works in our IT area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries matter. We think anniversaries ought to be celebrated. In fact, our reason for existence is connected to anniversaries. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time. So, as we provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage, our goal is that you will have more anniversaries\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and that they will be sweet anniversaries\u2014that your marriage will thrive because of how God is using FamilyLife in your marriage and in your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we appreciate those of you who partner with us in this endeavor. In a very real way, what you\u2019re doing, when you contribute to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is\u2014you\u2019re helping to strengthen marriages and families of couples, not only here in the U.S., but all around the globe. And we\u2019re grateful for our partnership together in this mission. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today\u2014we are listener-supported. Those donations go to cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, keeping our website online, making free downloads of our audio available. If you can help with a donation, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a new resource from Barbara Rainey. It\u2019s a banner that can hang in your home that declares that your home is an embassy for the King \/ an embassy of the kingdom of heaven\u2014just a good reminder of where our citizenship really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And that\u2019s our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how we deal with fears and anxieties in our lives: \u201cWhat can we do when we are faced with fear?\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.63M"],"filesize_raw":["26876525"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304200.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304200.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Newbell talks about the death of her father, and the fear she had of displeasing her husband. Newbell reminds believers to take every thought captive, and to fear the Lord, rather than man.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-10-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a young wife, Trillia Newbell wanted to love and serve her husband well\u2014a godly ambition\u2014but she explains how that godly ambition ended up becoming a snare for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>One of my greatest fears used to be that I wouldn\u2019t be enough for him\u2014not now\u2014but that I would serve him well. I wanted to be this <em>perfect<\/em> wife \/ this perfect bride\u2014whatever that is!\u00a0 So, this\u2014I think goes back to the fear of man. In my desire to love and serve him, I would fear that I would displease him and I wouldn\u2019t be enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear, today, how the opposite of fear isn\u2019t courage\u2014it\u2019s faith. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Why don\u2019t you remind our listeners about what is engraved on the inside\u2014is it your wedding band, too, or just Barbara\u2019s?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, that\u2019s a good question. I haven\u2019t pulled it off and looked at it\u2014in fact, I tried to read it the other day\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s been on there for 40-plus years. So, it\u2019s probably worn down a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it really is worn down. First John, Chapter 4, talks about perfect love casting out all fear. Basically, when we married, we both determined we were both a pair of scaredy cats\u2014now, not really\u2014but we had a lot of fears as singles. I think, today, because singles are waiting until later in life to marry, they are loaded with fears as they date, as they approach the possibility of getting married, and then, get married, moving forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd our guest on the program today is nodding her head as though, maybe, she had a few fears when she was dating her husband Thern, all the way back to 2003, when you guys married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you, Trillia?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 Well, a lot of unknowns. You\u2019re questioning more about your future and probably a lot more hesitant. I think that you see that in singles. I see that\u2014I have a girlfriend who has experienced that\u2014where the men are noncommittal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. Well, you\u2019ve written a book called <em>Fear and Faith: Finding the Peace Your Heart Craves<\/em>. I think Trillia Newbell has the longest title of any human being we\u2019ve ever introduced, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, in terms of what she does. She is a consultant on the Women\u2019s Initiatives for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission for the Southern Baptist Convention and Russell Moore. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>That\u2019s funny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You do work with Russell, who is a good friend of ours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I do, and he is wonderful. And I\u2019m now the Director of Community Outreach. So, that is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do we just add that to the growing title here?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I know, it\u2019s like the longest title ever. Well, it\u2019s not the title that\u2019s long\u2014it\u2019s the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Southern Baptist Convention\u2014that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>That is forever!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s a great organization the Southern Baptists have founded; because Russell and you do a great job of addressing a lot of thorny issues in our culture, especially that we have to deal with around marriage and family \/ gender issues today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to ask you: \u201cWhy did you write a book about fear?\u00a0 Was it that big of an issue for you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. It\u2019s not just a big issue for me\u2014it\u2019s a big issue for many. I recognized that it was something that I was struggling with in my own life; and then, as I would write an article or speak with women, what I realized is that <em>everyone<\/em> struggles with fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is <em>broad<\/em>\u2014fear of man, fear of what others think of you, to fear the future, fear of tragedy. I wrote this book, not as someone who has arrived, but as someone who has learned to fight for faith; and I wanted to encourage and give hope to others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you a fearful child when you were growing up?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you afraid to go to the top of the monkey bars or whatever else?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Not at all. I was\u2014actually did gymnastics so I could do a backflip\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>\u2014in college; yes. So, I was\u2014I lacked a lot of fear. It\u2019s when I started to experience tragedy, I think, is when I started to realize more and more that life can be hard. I\u2019ve had four miscarriages, and the death of my father, the death of my oldest sister\u2014and just these tragedies, I think, is when I started to realize, \u201cOh, I\u2019m struggling with fear.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when I became a Christian, one of the things that God \/ one of the first things He did was help me realize that I was living so much of my life for myself\u2014but also for my father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realized that I was living and operating under the fear of man so much. As God revealed that to me, more and more, I saw how I feared what other people thought of me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But it was your relationship with your dad\u2014and fear about how he viewed you\u2014was that kind of where the genesis of a fearful spirit came from with you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes and no\u2014not fear of how he <em>viewed<\/em> me, because he was always <em>so<\/em> encouraging and he was an <em>incredible<\/em> encouragement; but what I realized is that I had spent a lot of my life living <em>for<\/em> his praise \/ living <em>for<\/em> his approval, even though I had it\u2014I had it. He never put any pressure\u2014he was <em>so<\/em> encouraging, but I wanted to make sure I pleased my dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I became a Christian and my father had passed away, I realized, \u201cOh, so much of my life has been trying to make sure that I please people.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really affected me as I understood salvation and that I am already pleasing to the Lord\u2014because of Jesus \/ because of His sacrifice\u2014and God looks to Jesus. Now, I can obey, but it\u2019s not because I am going to earn anything. It\u2019s already been earned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just changed my view on all sorts of things but also, how I lived and what I was thinking. Now, I still struggle with the fear of man. I have to fight that temptation to be concerned about what other people <em>think<\/em> about me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We all face that; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely\u2014but it is God\u2019s kindness that leads us to repentance and His kindness to reveal our sin to us. That was one area that I think, in the very beginning, the Lord revealed to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think it\u2019s helpful for us to stop for a minute and think: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt\u2019s not that we shouldn\u2019t care, at some level, about how other people view us\u2014but when we are <em>controlled<\/em> by that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat\u2019s the difference between wanting to be aware of and caring about being pleasing to other people. But when that controls you \/ when that\u2019s what\u2019s making the decisions in your life\u2014that\u2019s where this fear has gotten out of control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think, at this point, you have to go back and say, \u201cWhat, really, is the definition of fear?\u201d\u00a0 The word, actually, means <em>flight<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what fear means\u2014if you go all back to the Garden, it\u2019s the first response to what Adam and Eve did when they disobeyed God and were filled with pride\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014when they wanted to be their own god. The first manifestation of sin was fear. Now, all fear is not sin\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014but some fear is. How do you determine the difference between the two?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I think when you are putting your hope in something else\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so you are fearful of the future, you\u2019re fearful of tragedy, fearful of\u2014you\u2019re placing your hope in money. That is a <em>clear<\/em> indication that you are not fearing what you should fear\u2014which is the <em>Lord<\/em>\u2014and that fear leads to worship, and trust, and peace, and rest\u2014where fear \/ the sin fear leads to anxiety. It can lead to depression. It can lead to sinful anger. It can lead to untrue thoughts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think part of evaluating if you fear rightly is to evaluate your heart response and, sometimes, your physical response to it. I do think there is a <em>healthy<\/em> fear as well. If I\u2019m walking down a street and I have the option: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m by myself. I\u2019m going to go down this dark alley, or I\u2019m going to go where there are a bunch of people,\u201d\u2014I think God has given us this emotion for discernment. I\u2019m not going to go down that dark alley. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to be discerning and, really, fear Him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>\u2014and go where there are people and light. So, I think that you do\u2014you have to evaluate\u2014and get to the root and ask the Lord to reveal your heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking with Trillia Newbell, who has written a book called <em>Fear and Faith: Finding the Peace Your Heart Craves<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you make a great point, which is\u2014there are places in Scripture where we are commanded to fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re commanded to fear God \/ to honor His commandments. There is a healthy respect and reverence for proper authority and proper danger\u2014to be aware of that. But that\u2019s not the kind of fear that most people are dealing with on a daily basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; and I think that\u2019s why, Bob, there are 365 \u201cfear not\u2019s\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014in the Bible. Fear and faith cannot coexist. The way to deal with fear is to face it down and ask yourself the question: \u201cAm I believing the truth about God\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cand about His control of my life and His desires for my life?\u00a0 Does He love me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think the same thing would be true as you deal with your spouse as well. If there\u2019s a major fear in your marriage, are you believing the truth about your spouse or not?\u00a0 For instance, in your relationship with Thern, what is one of your greatest fears in your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I think one of my greatest fears used to be that I wouldn\u2019t be enough for him\u2014not now\u2014but that I would serve him well. I wanted to be this <em>perfect<\/em> wife \/ this perfect bride\u2014whatever that is!\u00a0 This, I think, goes back into the fear of man. In my desire to love and serve him, I would fear that I would displease him and that I wouldn\u2019t be enough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is the most loving, gentle, and kind man that I know; and I am so grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, fear is often <em>irrational<\/em>. There is absolutely no reason for me to fear that I would not be pleasing or enough for my husband. I make that up in my head. We all must take captive our thoughts, and really submit it to the Lord, and ask Him to help us. So, in my marriage, that would have been that I wouldn\u2019t measure up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that a fear that, if you don\u2019t measure up\u2014I mean, in the back of your mind, were you thinking: \u201cIf I don\u2019t please him \/ if I\u2019m not the kind of wife I ought to be\u2014that he will lose interest in me, he\u2019ll wander from the relationship, [or] that something will cause us to move toward isolation\u201d?\u00a0 Do you think that was behind that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t fear that he would walk away. I just didn\u2019t want to be displeasing. I just wanted to\u2014it\u2019s the fear of man. It\u2019s pride, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Proverbs calls the fear of man a snare. It\u2019s like a <em>trap<\/em>\u2014it sucks you in, and it makes you do things, and think things, and act in a way that you normally wouldn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think that that\u2019s all it was, by the grace of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I do know other women who would struggle with that fear\u2014and this is the fear of the future: \u201cWill my husband walk away?\u00a0 Will he be devoted to me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, especially, in this culture; huh?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Well, sure; yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think, even when there\u2019s been no indication in the relationship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014even a wife who would say, \u201cIf I think rationally, I don\u2019t have any reason to believe my husband would ever leave the marriage; but there\u2019s still something because it happened with my mom,\u201d or \u201c\u2026because it happened with my aunt,\u201d\u2014or something that causes us to go, \u201cI guess it could happen to me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Or \u201c\u2026it happened with my friend.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Everybody\u2019s got a context, especially if you\u2019ve been impacted by divorce in the family of origin that you came from. Then, your defenses have been invaded \/ you\u2019ve experienced what it means for two people to break up \/ to break their covenant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about physical appearance?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Oh, gosh; yes\u2014[Laughter]\u2014with my husband; yes \/ but with myself too!\u00a0 I think women, in particular, really struggle with this desire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd when you\u2019re talking about culture\u2014that, I think, is a cultural, societal pressure to be this certain model\/Photoshopped-looking person. God says that it\u2019s a woman who fears the Lord who is to be praised. All of this is vain\/fleeting\u2014but yes; it is a struggle for us \/ it is a struggle\u2014body image. It\u2019s a <em>definite<\/em> fear\u2014it is just that we wouldn\u2019t be accepted or acceptable, even to ourselves; yes. I think that we get the pressure, even in greater ways, from culture. I mean, all you have to do\u2014and I wouldn\u2019t encourage you to do this\u2014is to look on the racks, as you\u2019re checking out \/ all those magazines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>We\u2019re being sold a <em>lie<\/em>; and we\u2019re being told that, in order to be <em>great<\/em>, you have to look a certain way. God says just the absolute opposite, and it wasn\u2019t about outward appearance; right?\u00a0 It was a gentle and quiet spirit that God is after. He\u2019s not after women who can flaunt certain things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, is it okay to take care of yourself?\u2014<em>absolutely<\/em>. It is absolutely <em>fine<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>But it\u2019s when we make these things gods\u2014little \u201cg\u201d gods\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia:<\/strong> \u2014idols\u2014and we begin to fear. Our response, in that, can be obsession with our weight or obsession with how we look \/ outward appearance. That is when we get into danger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, there is another area we haven\u2019t talked about here that I think is fueled by fear\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and that is our performance and our busy schedules. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It seems that moms today are more hurried and pushing their kids to do the same, because they\u2019re trying to perform. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really goes back a little to what we talked about earlier about wanting to please people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Sure.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014wanting the approval of people. How does this snare you, as a woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>I have learned that you have to say, \u201cNo,\u201d It\u2019s hard, because you want to be at <em>every<\/em> birthday party that you\u2019re invited to. You want to make sure your kids experience <em>life<\/em>; but not at the expense of, for me, the dinner table. As long as we\u2019re there, in town, we have dinner together every single night. So, for me\u2014I think I\u2019m just learning the art of saying, \u201cNo,\u201d and slowing down. It\u2019s incredibly hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, one time, my kids were looking at a snail; and they were so fascinated. We didn\u2019t have to be anywhere at all, but I was like: \u201cCome on, kids!\u00a0 Come on! Come on!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I realized, \u201cWhat am I hurrying for?!\u201d\u00a0 Immediately, I felt this conviction from the Lord that they are delighting and enjoying His creation; and I am hurrying to nothing. I don\u2019t know what I need to hurry for. At that moment, I was able to stop, and slow down, and allow my kids to enjoy God\u2019s creation. I think what our temptation is\u2014is to try to \u201cKeep with the Joneses\u201d\u2014that phrase\u2014and to do just too much. That would be my struggle too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What is your advice to a woman, who is listening right now: \u201cThat\u2019s me. I\u2019m trading hurry, but what I really need is peace. I need those moments like you had with your children, who got you stopped long enough to see the wonder of a tiny, little creature.\u201d\u00a0 What is your advice for that woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>You\u2019re not missing out if you don\u2019t say, \u201cYes,\u201d to some activity or if you don\u2019t say, \u201cYes,\u201d to whatever is pulling you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou will miss out if you say, \u201cNo,\u201d to your kids. And that, to me, is a lesson that I\u2019m learning\u2014is that, if I am filling my life with so much other, then, I\u2019m going to miss out. I\u2019m not missing out if I say, \u201cNo,\u201d to something that\u2019s outside of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And this is where I think all of us have to regularly recalibrate what\u2019s important\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014because the culture, all the time, will tell you: \u201cNo; this is important,\u201d \u201cNo; this is <em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>\u00a0important,\u201d and your flesh will tell you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>My flesh\u2014that\u2019s what I was thinking. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cThis is important.\u201d\u00a0 Then, the devil pulls you aside and says, \u201cHere is what\u2019s really important.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we\u2019ve got to pull back and say: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not going to be directed by what the culture says. I\u2019m not going to be directed by what my flesh says. I\u2019m not going to be directed, certainly, by what the devil says. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m going to be directed by what God\u2019s Word says, in terms of where priorities ought to be. If I\u2019m going to fear anything, it\u2019s that I displeased God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cnot that I displease the culture or don\u2019t satisfy my flesh.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>And I\u2019ve failed here. I have failed to really evaluate my time well. It\u2019s helpful that I have a husband who will speak into my life and a church that will help me. I can really look and think, \u201cOkay, this is actually what\u2019s important,\u201d because it is hard with all of these various\u2014like you\u2019ve said\u2014the flesh and culture speaking to you\u2014it\u2019s hard. You really have to evaluate and be prayerful\u2014ask God: \u201cWhat really is the best use of my time?\u00a0 What really will be most glorifying to You?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I look back over my life, and I think of the lessons that God has taught me as I\u2019ve dealt with fear. And it really does go back to faith\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and it goes back to: \u201cAm I believing the right thing about God?\u00a0 Does He have my back?\u00a0 Does He love me?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cDoes He have a plan for my life?\u201d\u00a0 And when we go through difficult times, where\u2014for instance, I recall the time when Barbara nearly died with a rapid heart rate of over 300 beats a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m sitting out in the coronary care unit, wondering if I\u2019m going to be a single parent of two children\u2014two and under. Those are very real fears. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>At those moments, you\u2019ve got to go back to the Bible\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and the truth of the Bible. The question is: \u201cWhat is the truth about God?\u00a0 What has He said about your life?\u00a0 Does He have a plan?\u00a0 Does He love you, and do you believe that?\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And if you do that, I think faith causes fear to take flight. I think fear can\u2019t coexist with faith. You\u2019re either afraid, or you are trusting God. You\u2019re moving in one direction or the other. So, a good question out of the broadcast today is: \u201cWhat\u2019s the fear factor in your life?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can measure that by: \u201cWhat\u2019s the faith factor in your life too?\u00a0 Are you really trusting God with that which is troubling you today?\u201d\u00a0 He invites you to bring all your cares to Him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014to cast them on Him. Don\u2019t worry about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom had a little pet nickname for me\u2014she called me a worry-wart. I think I have a DNA of fear and worry. Fear is kind of the big brother of worry. It\u2019s when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014worry truly gives birth to a big bully. Fear can control your life, as you shared today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; I have just two words for you\u2014<em>Hakuna matata<\/em>\u2014okay?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 It means, \u201cNo worries for the rest of your days,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cYou\u2019re trouble-free.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We don\u2019t live in that culture, though, Bob. That is <em>not<\/em> our culture today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I do think there is an undercurrent \/ kind of a hidden epidemic of fearful-hearted people inside the church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is not something we talk about\u2014we keep it secret \/ we keep it cordoned off\u2014but if someone will open the door and say, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about what we might be afraid of,\u201d there can be a lot of healing that will go on if we do that. That\u2019s why I\u2019m thinking\u2014if women were to get together\u2014or men, for that matter\u2014get a copy of Trillia\u2019s book, <em>Fear and Faith<\/em>\u2014and you\u2019ve got a study guide that goes with the book that\u2019s available on your website; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Trillia: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know there is a video series that goes with it as well. Go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; and you can get more information about <em>Fear and Faith<\/em>, the book from Trillia Newbell. You can order copies of the book from us. And if you\u2019d like the study guide, we\u2019ve got a link at FamilyLifeToday.com that will take you to Trillia\u2019s site. You can get the study guide there. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d like to order the book by phone, call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, yesterday was a big day for some friends of ours. Rob and Laurie Kopf celebrated their 34<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary yesterday. Rob and Laurie live in Niles, Michigan. For years, Rob and Laurie worked here, at FamilyLife, and managed our warehouse. Today, they work for our friends at Life Action Ministries and Revive Our Hearts<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and run their distribution center. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Kopfs on 34 years of marriage. A special shout-out from their son, Dustin, who is still part of our staff here at FamilyLife\u2014works in our IT area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries matter. We think anniversaries ought to be celebrated. In fact, our reason for existence is connected to anniversaries. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time. So, as we provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage, our goal is that you will have more anniversaries\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and that they will be sweet anniversaries\u2014that your marriage will thrive because of how God is using FamilyLife in your marriage and in your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we appreciate those of you who partner with us in this endeavor. In a very real way, what you\u2019re doing, when you contribute to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is\u2014you\u2019re helping to strengthen marriages and families of couples, not only here in the U.S., but all around the globe. And we\u2019re grateful for our partnership together in this mission. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today\u2014we are listener-supported. Those donations go to cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, keeping our website online, making free downloads of our audio available. If you can help with a donation, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a new resource from Barbara Rainey. It\u2019s a banner that can hang in your home that declares that your home is an embassy for the King \/ an embassy of the kingdom of heaven\u2014just a good reminder of where our citizenship really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And that\u2019s our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how we deal with fears and anxieties in our lives: \u201cWhat can we do when we are faced with fear?\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304200","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304200"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304200"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304200"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304200"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304200"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304200"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304200"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}