{"id":304188,"date":"2016-09-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-09-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/dealing-with-loss\/"},"modified":"2016-09-30T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-09-30T15:00:00","slug":"dealing-with-loss","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dealing-with-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing With Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Dave Furman, Gloria Furman | Series: Being There | Love is gritty. It perseveres even in the hardest of times. Authors Dave and Gloria Furman tell how, four years into marriage, Dave began suffering from a nerve disability in his arms and hands, which makes even a loving touch painful. The Furmans tell what they lost as a couple, and how they&#8217;ve dealt with the loss with Christ&#8217;s help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Authors Dave and Gloria Furman tell how, four years into marriage, Dave began suffering from a nerve disability. The Furmans tell how they&#8217;ve dealt with loss with Christ&#8217;s help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.2M","filesize_raw":"27476297","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2860,2821],"tags":[5225,6083,2877],"podcast_series":[8165],"cwp_profile":[9334,3393],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304188","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-reaching-out","tag-disability","tag-hardship-and-suffering","tag-marriage","podcast_series-being-there","cwp_profile-dave-furman","cwp_profile-gloria-furman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304188\/dealing-with-loss","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304188\/dealing-with-loss","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"aCnz1FXGk8\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dealing-with-loss\/\">Dealing With Loss<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dealing-with-loss\/embed\/#?secret=aCnz1FXGk8\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Dealing With Loss&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"aCnz1FXGk8\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What do you do when hope vanishes? Dave Furman, who suffers from a neurological disease, remembers thinking that doctors had found a surgery that could cure his issue\u2014only to learn, after being prepped for surgery\u2014that the procedure had to be cancelled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember lying, all by myself, outside the operating room. They actually forgot about me for about an hour and left. I remember just letting out this loud scream. I was so discouraged. I had placed so much hope that I was going to have arms again. They had this miraculous surgery, and I would be healed of this nerve disease. Now, that hope was just shattered!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn those moments after that, Gloria stood by my side through those days of depression afterwards. She just reminded me, delicately, with a lot of silence interspersed in between, that Jesus was enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen hope vanishes, the only way to recapture it is to focus on what\u2019s really true. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Dave and Gloria Furman. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. How would you say\u2014what would you say\u2014is the way that Barbara, over the years, has most loved you in the midst of your weakness?\u2014who you are and the areas where you\u2019re weak\u2014how has she best loved you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great question! I\u2019d like about ten years to think about that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know I\u2019m popping you for one of those instant answers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; I would say\u2014you know, with her words of belief that have just kept on coming, regardless of how many times I\u2019ve blown it or failed her, or not met her expectations because of one of my weaknesses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; you know, love perseveres.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Love doesn\u2019t fail\u20141 Corinthians 13: \u201cIt believes all things, bears all things, hopes all things.\u201d It stands firm \/ it\u2019s a stabilizing force in a marriage relationship. It goes back to that point\u2014it\u2019s a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not a feeling; it\u2019s a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think, Bob, we turn love into a feeling and into a romance novel. Love is gritty. It gets down in the tough places we go through in a marriage relationship, and it really does bear the weight of another person\u2019s agony in the midst of doing life together in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All you have to do is read those verses in 1 Corinthians 13, verses 4-7, and go: \u201cThis isn\u2019t talking about Valentine\u2019s hearts, and candy, and flowers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThis is talking about real life\u2014things like \u2018Love is patient, love is kind, love\u2019\u2014as you said\u2014\u2018bears all things and believes all things.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s real life \/ real hard work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really is. And we\u2019ve got a couple here who, I would say, are in the process of modeling that kind of love. Dave and Gloria Furman join us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Gloria\/Dave\u2014welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to be here again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019re veterans on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>They come back about every\u2014what?\u2014two or three years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Dave, you just finished a book called <em>Being There: How to Love Those Who Are Hurting. <\/em>Dave and his wife Gloria are both graduates of Dallas Theological Seminary. They are in the process\u2014not of starting a church\u2014but they have founded a church, going back to 2010. It has over 1,000 people meeting at the\u2014is it the Marriot Hotel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In Dubai.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we meet right there in the center of the old town Dubai.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You meet at 10 o\u2019clock on Friday morning for church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We do; we meet on Fridays.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, Friday\u2019s the Muslim holy day\u2014that\u2019s the day that people typically get off. Sunday\u2019s the first day of the week; so our kids are in school from Sunday morning at 7:45 a.m., and everybody\u2019s at work at that same time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what does their week go by? Is it Sunday through Thursday?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is; Thursday through Sunday would be the normal week\u2014school goes on those days \/ the work week. Then Friday-Saturday would be the weekend. We have our church service on the equivalent of, I guess, Saturday morning, here in the U.S.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How about that? Amazing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you guys were married for how many years before you encountered a physical limitation that dramatically impacted your life, Dave, and also you, Gloria, and your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Not many when you think of it. We\u2019ve been married 14 years. I guess three to four years into marriage, my disability started coming along.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had to assume, when you first experienced these symptoms, that this would likely be something that would be temporary, that it would be reversible, that it was a season you\u2019d go through and it\u2019d be over; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We did. I was actually in Gospel of John class at seminary. My little finger of my right hand started tingling. We went to the doctor \/ went to occupational therapy\u2014wore a brace. We thought, \u201cOh, maybe a couple months \/ a few months of therapy, and some medicine, and we\u2019ll be on our way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But, over time, you\u2019ve learned. I guess it was probably after your surgery on your elbows\u2014and some of these things that you tried to get to work, and they weren\u2019t helping\u2014the thought had to settle in, \u201cThis is not a season.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we kept hoping in things, but that season never ended. We kept thinking: \u201cAnother procedure\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother therapy\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother pill\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother surgery\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother nerve block\u2026\u201d We kept thinking, \u201cOh, okay; now maybe we\u2019ll get healed or get enough comfort through that.\u201d That ultimate comfort just never came.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That was almost eight years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That started, probably, about eight to nine years ago. For about a period of four to five years, we tried everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And, Gloria, I know you had to be thinking, \u201cMaybe this next thing will help,\u201d when it began to dawn on you, emotionally, \u201cWe\u2019re not getting help here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did that spiral you into a season of, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got to recalibrate life now\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes; emotionally, we had to both come to grips with that reality. I think our emotions had gone up and down like a roller coaster. We had to kind of go through that together; then, individually too, I would have lots of questions about what he was feeling, because you can\u2019t <em>see<\/em> anything wrong with his arms. <em>Now<\/em>, I can see muscle atrophy as it\u2019s gone and done its work over time; but in the beginning, he still had normal, muscular arms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You told me he was <em>huge<\/em>\u2014he was buff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> He was <em>huge<\/em>! [Laughter] Hugely normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She married me for my biceps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> That\u2019s right! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI couldn\u2019t see it. When he would tell me: \u201cThat hurts me. Don\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cThat hurts when you touch my forearm,\u201d or \u201cIt hurts me. Can you open this bottle for me?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014stuff like that\u2014I: \u201cReally? Really! Are you just being lazy?\u201d I struggled with those emotions of sadness, and anger, and bitterness in those early days. Then, when I saw, \u201cHe really cannot do those things,\u201d and then when I would see him be injured <em>worse<\/em> because he couldn\u2019t do something, it started to be real, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I asked Dave earlier about not being able to open the door for you, and how that affected him as a man. How about the fact that you guys can\u2019t walk, holding hands somewhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That he doesn\u2019t put his arm around you when you\u2019re watching a TV show or something. Has that been hard for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes; yes! I\u2019ll answer that: \u201cYes; it has.\u201d We can hold hands a little bit, softly; but that still feels a little bit funny and odd\u2014just\u00a0 to me\u2014because I remember, not too long ago, seasons where I couldn\u2019t touch his hands or his arms or he would just [sound of pain]\u2014it would be so painful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo now, I feel a little more skittish around him, physically. I don\u2019t want to bump him; I don\u2019t want to touch his hand. If he\u2019ll reach for my hand sometime if we\u2019re walking, I might pull away, thinking, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t want to touch\u2014Oh! It\u2019s okay. I can touch your hand a little bit now.\u201d So that\u2019s been rough to deal with that between the two of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the five love languages, according to Gary Chapman, is physical touch; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If that was yours\u2014I mean, if that was the thing that you said, \u201cI most feel loved when my husband touches my hand, plays with my hair, puts his arm around me\u2026\u201d I mean, you can see where somebody would go, \u201cIt\u2019s hard for me to feel loved, given your disability.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes; I can see that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you\u2019ve figured out how to say, \u201cThat\u2019s an expression of love, but that\u2019s not the source of love.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right, right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What we\u2019re talking about here is a disability that results in a loss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it\u2019s not just loss for the person who\u2019s disabled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s how that loss impacts the spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLife is one long process of us learning how to deal with our losses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, growing old results in loss. There\u2019s the loss of hearing. Some people experience the loss of taste. You know, there\u2019s the loss of being able to do things you used to do, like chopping wood. You know, a few years back, I was enjoying splitting wood. All of a sudden, something popped; and it wasn\u2019t the wood\u2014[Laughter]\u2014my shoulder!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Eating cheesecake. There\u2019s only so much cheesecake you can have as you grow older.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have not found an end to that yet. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> But you\u2019ve heard\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I read Ecclesiastes 11; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> You\u2019ve heard about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have heard about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Okay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ecclesiastes 11 is a description, metaphorically\u2014the shutters get drawn, the eyes go out, the teeth\/the grinders go away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAging\u2014there is loss that comes with it. I think you\u2019re right\u2014we\u2019ve all got to figure out how we\u2019re going to handle loss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what\u2019s interesting, Dave\u2014the subtitle to your book\u2014and by the way, we\u2019re talking to Dave Furman with his wife Gloria. Dave\u2019s book is called <em>Being There<\/em>, and the subtitle is <em>How to Love Those Who Are Hurting.<\/em> You wrote this, not from the perspective of one who has loved the hurting\u2014you wrote this from the perspective of the hurt one, who has been loved well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly. And, by God\u2019s grace, I\u2019ve had a wonderful wife who has come around me and cared for me. I\u2019ve had wonderful kids, and other family members, friends and church members, who\u2019ve come around me. So it\u2019s really written both from a biblical perspective and my personal experience of people loving me, the hurting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, from that personal perspective, tell us the things to do with hurting people, and tell us the things <em>not<\/em> to do with hurting people. Just give us a tutorial here so that we can serve the hurting well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, this would take a while. There are a lot of things that we could think about. Maybe, first, we could start with the things not to do\u2014[Laughter]\u2014the things that we often think are helpful for the hurting; but really, really aren\u2019t. I can think of a few things. One would be to be the \u201cfix it\u201d person\u2014to kind of be the one who has all the answers. We might have a hurting friend in our lives. We might think: \u201cOh, we have an acupuncture reference that we should send them,\u201d or \u201c\u2026another cream that we should give them that will heal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How many nutritional healings have you heard about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have a bag, [Laughter] I think, filled with ointments and creams, somewhere tucked away in our closet, that well-meaning people \/ people who truly loved me and wanted to care for me handed out. But, see, when you do that, you pretty much are telling them that you don\u2019t actually have a true idea of the kind of issues that they\u2019re facing. It\u2019s possible that God could miraculously heal me through a smelling salt or a tea, but that\u2019s not the normal prescription for nerves that are mangled and don\u2019t work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Along those same lines, you don\u2019t want to judge them or assume that you know the mind of God in what happened to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of Job\u2019s three friends right here; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly! So you\u2019ve got Job\u2019s friends. Job\u2019s friends were <em>amazing<\/em> for that first week! Actually, if you go back through the book of Job, his friends were great. They had sackcloth and ashes\u2014they grieved with him. They actually shook their head back and forth, which was a great sign that they were caring for Job. I mean, they were wonderful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJob\u2019s friends were <em>great<\/em> until they opened their mouth. [Laughter] Job\u2019s friends are <em>fantastic<\/em> until they talk! They really were! And they didn\u2019t talk for seven days. I mean, the first part of Job is a great model of biblical friendship. Then, they started speaking, and what did they do? Well, they started judging Job. They started assuming that Job\u2019s struggles were because of his sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think all of us\u2014we all have hurting people in our lives. We all have aging parents, a spouse with a chronic disability, a child with a disability, a friend with cancer, or a neighbor with pain. We want to love them, and we don\u2019t want to be Job\u2019s friends; right? But we just don\u2019t know what to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, don\u2019t be the \u201cfix it\u201d person. Don\u2019t judge them and condemn them. Don\u2019t try to explain why the person is suffering, thinking that you know all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t play the comparison game. This is something that maybe you have heard or dealt with, and this is a temptation for all of us\u2014it\u2019s kind of saying, \u201cWell, I know exactly how you feel.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Or maybe it\u2019s: \u201cI have a cousin, and she hurt her elbow too. I bet she went through the same thing you did.\u201d I had someone come up to me once and say: \u201cI have tennis elbow. I know what you feel like.\u201d [Laughter] You know, unless you\u2019re Jesus, it never really helps to tell someone that you know <em>exactly <\/em>what they\u2019re going through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. I want you to think about the answer to this question, but it\u2019s going to be the first time I\u2019ve ever asked a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>not to answer the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, okay. I am a preacher, you know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to have to work hard here not to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re going to have to work hard, but the reason is\u2014I\u2019m going to turn to Gloria and have her answer it first\u2014but I want you to know what your answer is. The question is this: \u201cHow has Gloria best ministered to you?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink back to those months, like a year-and-a-half, when you were in dark, deep depression. You were barking at her, being angry with her, mistreating her and the kids, etc. How did she best demonstrate Jesus Christ\u2019s love for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd now, Gloria, how did you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know!\u2014by the grace of God. [Laughter] Well, I knew that Dave\u2019s anger, and discouragement, and depression wasn\u2019t about me. I knew that however angry he was at me \/ however many accusations I had heard about, \u201cYou didn\u2019t do this the right way, and now I\u2019m in more pain,\u201d I knew that wasn\u2019t personal about me. But I think that\u2019s different for Jesus, because our accusations and our shaking our fist at God\u2014that\u2019s personal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I think we shouldn\u2019t overlook that; because so many times, that\u2019s the case\u2014where somebody is angry with a spouse\u2014and it\u2019s displaced anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re really angry with somebody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re just taking it out on a spouse. To the extent that we can look behind the anger and see the hurt\u2014and know that this is coming from a wound, not from real anger\u2014but it\u2019s a hurt deep down just getting expressed. That can soften our response and help us to have compassion\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014rather than to just get ginned up with more anger of our own; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right, right; yes. And I had some help with that perspective too. There was an older woman in my life\u2014still is in my life\u2014she offered me great encouragement and hope in that. She reminded me often: \u201cThis isn\u2019t about you. You may feel responsible for some of these things\u2014maybe some of these things could be helped if you did different things around the house or moved something out of the way. Those temporary things could help, but ultimately this isn\u2019t about you.\u201d She encouraged me in that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did she know that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> I was transparent with her \/ I told her. I would even play out different scenes in the home: \u201cHe said this, and then I did that. I said this, and I\u2019m pretty sure my non-verbals said that too.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes! You know, you\u2019re laughing about it; but I think a lot of people misunderstand that the church is the key in bearing one another\u2019s burdens. But to do that, many times, you\u2019ve got to admit vulnerability.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Be transparent; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s a pastor\u2019s wife! I mean, he\u2019s up there preaching. How could you have a need? How could he be anything other than the perfect husband, because he\u2019s opening the Scriptures for us every Sunday?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Or, in your case, every Friday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But, you know, you admitted a need. I want to come back to you now. How are you going to answer the question, \u201cHow did she exhibit love for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, there are a million things I could say, by God\u2019s grace. I think a couple of things\u2014one, she brought hope to me. She was a silent presence, like Job\u2019s friends were at first. Then, after that, when she did open her mouth, she didn\u2019t try to explain everything away. She didn\u2019t tell me to just gird up my loins and work harder. She didn\u2019t tell me to suck it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t tell me I couldn\u2019t be depressed, or hurt, or grieve. At the same time, she brought me hope. She was a dealer of hope. She brought the good news of the gospel to me \/ she applied it to my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of one particular incident about a couple of years in to our life in Dubai, where I had a surgery with some world-class physicians. We were getting ready for this surgery. It was amazing that these Johns Hopkins physicians were actually going to be in Dubai and were going to do surgery in Dubai. They had promised about 85 percent chance of full healing\u2014that I would be healed of this disability and be playing tennis in no time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go to the hospital on their very last day in Dubai. We got there about noon. We were there all day long\u2014I am ready for the surgery. The problem was, as the day went on, no one was ready for me\u2014I am there, hooked up to the IV. Finally, eight or nine hours in, I got wheeled down to the surgery. I wait there for about two hours, and then the crushing news came that it was too late in the day. The doctors needed to catch their flight, and the surgery was completely cancelled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember lying, all by myself, down in the basement, outside the operating room. They actually forgot about me for about an hour and left. I remember just letting out this loud scream. I was so discouraged. I had placed so much hope that I was going to have arms again. They had this miraculous surgery, and I would be healed of this nerve disease. Now, that hope was just shattered!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn those moments after that, Gloria stood by my side through those days of depression afterwards. She just reminded me again and again, very delicately, and with a lot of silence interspersed in between, that Jesus was enough\u2014that Jesus was enough to sustain us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the first thing I would say is, she cared for me. She pointed me to the gospel\u2014the good news that Jesus Christ has saved me from my sin and that there is a future hope and future grace that exists. She prayed for me throughout. She let me know her prayers\u2014she let me hear her prayers along the way. Then, she just waited. There were times when she could have waved the caution flag or thrown in the towel and said: \u201cYou know, we need to leave Dubai. We need to go home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe many people would. I wondered at times, \u201cShould she have?\u201d But I\u2019m thankful that she stood by my side, and persevered, and realized that life was going to be hard\u2014that pastoral ministry in the Middle East was going to be hard \/ that there would be spiritual warfare. She waited on God\u2019s timing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As you were talking, I was thinking about a Psalm I read recently\u2014Psalm 22. You\u2019re going to recognize the words: \u201cMy God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; and by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are holy\u2026\u201d He goes on to talk about who God is \/ the truth about God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur condition doesn\u2019t change who God is. I\u2019ve said this many times on this broadcast\u2014it\u2019s a great quote by A.W. Tozer: \u201cThe most important thing about you is what you think about God,\u201d because if you understand who He is and that He is not mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014He is not bringing things into our lives to destroy us; but, ultimately, to build us, and strengthen us, and bring comfort to others. I\u2019m thinking of the woman who brought comfort to you [Gloria]. I wonder how she learned those lessons herself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> She said that she learned it in that same way\u2014in her own experience, through dark times in her marriage and in ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there\u2019s a lesson for our listeners here\u2014not only for the person who\u2019s hurting\u2014but to the person who may have a word to encourage those who are hurting and comfort others. Paul wrote about this in Corinthians: \u201cComfort others with the comfort with which you have been comforted.\u201d That\u2019s what she did and that brought life and hope to your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and I think you guys, together, are bringing life and hope to a lot of folks who are hurting\u2014just through the counsel you\u2019re able to give here \/ through what you\u2019ve written about, Dave, in the book, <em>Being There<\/em>. This is a book that will help those who are hurting, and it will help those who care for those who are hurting. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order a copy when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to request your copy at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Our toll-free number is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it was 40 years ago today, on this day in 1976, when Patricia and Joseph Johnson, who live in New Cumberland, Pennsylvania, became husband and wife. It\u2019s the 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary for the Johnsons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey listen to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>on WKBO. We just wanted to say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d Forty years!\u2014that\u2019s a big deal! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019re celebrating our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary, here at FamilyLife this year\u201440 years of God\u2019s grace, His favor, and His faithfulness\u2014I know the Johnsons feel the same way. If it\u2019s your anniversary today: \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to you as well. I hope you will take time to celebrate well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries really do matter. Part of our mission, here at FamilyLife, is to help more couples celebrate more anniversaries. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family, day in and day out, on this radio program, on our website, and through our events. All of what we do is made possible because folks, like you, help us with that mission when you support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you our 2017 FamilyLife calendar. The calendar is all about how you can make your home an embassy for the King. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt will remind you to do that throughout the year. The calendar is yours when you give a gift online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what tonight is? Seven o\u2019clock tonight, in both Tampa, Florida, and Sacramento, California, we\u2019ve got two FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways happening this weekend, with hundreds of couples coming out for a great weekend getaway. So pray for the couples going to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> in Sacramento and in Tampa. We still have a lot of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways happening this fall. You can get more information about the weekend when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope, even if you\u2019re not going to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> this weekend, you have a great weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you and your family can worship together in your local church. And I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about dating\u2014being single and how you navigate all of it today. Lisa Anderson is going to be here with us to talk about how she handles this as a single woman. I hope you can tune in for our conversation with Lisa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a <em>great<\/em> weekend! We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.2M"],"filesize_raw":["27476297"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304188.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304188.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Dave and Gloria Furman tell how, four years into marriage, Dave began suffering from a nerve disability. The Furmans tell how they've dealt with loss with Christ's help.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What do you do when hope vanishes? Dave Furman, who suffers from a neurological disease, remembers thinking that doctors had found a surgery that could cure his issue\u2014only to learn, after being prepped for surgery\u2014that the procedure had to be cancelled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember lying, all by myself, outside the operating room. They actually forgot about me for about an hour and left. I remember just letting out this loud scream. I was so discouraged. I had placed so much hope that I was going to have arms again. They had this miraculous surgery, and I would be healed of this nerve disease. Now, that hope was just shattered!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn those moments after that, Gloria stood by my side through those days of depression afterwards. She just reminded me, delicately, with a lot of silence interspersed in between, that Jesus was enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen hope vanishes, the only way to recapture it is to focus on what\u2019s really true. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Dave and Gloria Furman. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. How would you say\u2014what would you say\u2014is the way that Barbara, over the years, has most loved you in the midst of your weakness?\u2014who you are and the areas where you\u2019re weak\u2014how has she best loved you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great question! I\u2019d like about ten years to think about that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know I\u2019m popping you for one of those instant answers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; I would say\u2014you know, with her words of belief that have just kept on coming, regardless of how many times I\u2019ve blown it or failed her, or not met her expectations because of one of my weaknesses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; you know, love perseveres.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Love doesn\u2019t fail\u20141 Corinthians 13: \u201cIt believes all things, bears all things, hopes all things.\u201d It stands firm \/ it\u2019s a stabilizing force in a marriage relationship. It goes back to that point\u2014it\u2019s a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not a feeling; it\u2019s a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think, Bob, we turn love into a feeling and into a romance novel. Love is gritty. It gets down in the tough places we go through in a marriage relationship, and it really does bear the weight of another person\u2019s agony in the midst of doing life together in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All you have to do is read those verses in 1 Corinthians 13, verses 4-7, and go: \u201cThis isn\u2019t talking about Valentine\u2019s hearts, and candy, and flowers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThis is talking about real life\u2014things like \u2018Love is patient, love is kind, love\u2019\u2014as you said\u2014\u2018bears all things and believes all things.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s real life \/ real hard work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really is. And we\u2019ve got a couple here who, I would say, are in the process of modeling that kind of love. Dave and Gloria Furman join us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Gloria\/Dave\u2014welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to be here again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019re veterans on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>They come back about every\u2014what?\u2014two or three years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Dave, you just finished a book called <em>Being There: How to Love Those Who Are Hurting. <\/em>Dave and his wife Gloria are both graduates of Dallas Theological Seminary. They are in the process\u2014not of starting a church\u2014but they have founded a church, going back to 2010. It has over 1,000 people meeting at the\u2014is it the Marriot Hotel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In Dubai.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we meet right there in the center of the old town Dubai.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You meet at 10 o\u2019clock on Friday morning for church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We do; we meet on Fridays.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, Friday\u2019s the Muslim holy day\u2014that\u2019s the day that people typically get off. Sunday\u2019s the first day of the week; so our kids are in school from Sunday morning at 7:45 a.m., and everybody\u2019s at work at that same time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what does their week go by? Is it Sunday through Thursday?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is; Thursday through Sunday would be the normal week\u2014school goes on those days \/ the work week. Then Friday-Saturday would be the weekend. We have our church service on the equivalent of, I guess, Saturday morning, here in the U.S.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How about that? Amazing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you guys were married for how many years before you encountered a physical limitation that dramatically impacted your life, Dave, and also you, Gloria, and your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Not many when you think of it. We\u2019ve been married 14 years. I guess three to four years into marriage, my disability started coming along.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had to assume, when you first experienced these symptoms, that this would likely be something that would be temporary, that it would be reversible, that it was a season you\u2019d go through and it\u2019d be over; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We did. I was actually in Gospel of John class at seminary. My little finger of my right hand started tingling. We went to the doctor \/ went to occupational therapy\u2014wore a brace. We thought, \u201cOh, maybe a couple months \/ a few months of therapy, and some medicine, and we\u2019ll be on our way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But, over time, you\u2019ve learned. I guess it was probably after your surgery on your elbows\u2014and some of these things that you tried to get to work, and they weren\u2019t helping\u2014the thought had to settle in, \u201cThis is not a season.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we kept hoping in things, but that season never ended. We kept thinking: \u201cAnother procedure\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother therapy\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother pill\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother surgery\u2026\u201d \u201cAnother nerve block\u2026\u201d We kept thinking, \u201cOh, okay; now maybe we\u2019ll get healed or get enough comfort through that.\u201d That ultimate comfort just never came.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That was almost eight years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That started, probably, about eight to nine years ago. For about a period of four to five years, we tried everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And, Gloria, I know you had to be thinking, \u201cMaybe this next thing will help,\u201d when it began to dawn on you, emotionally, \u201cWe\u2019re not getting help here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did that spiral you into a season of, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got to recalibrate life now\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes; emotionally, we had to both come to grips with that reality. I think our emotions had gone up and down like a roller coaster. We had to kind of go through that together; then, individually too, I would have lots of questions about what he was feeling, because you can\u2019t <em>see<\/em> anything wrong with his arms. <em>Now<\/em>, I can see muscle atrophy as it\u2019s gone and done its work over time; but in the beginning, he still had normal, muscular arms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You told me he was <em>huge<\/em>\u2014he was buff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> He was <em>huge<\/em>! [Laughter] Hugely normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She married me for my biceps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> That\u2019s right! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI couldn\u2019t see it. When he would tell me: \u201cThat hurts me. Don\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cThat hurts when you touch my forearm,\u201d or \u201cIt hurts me. Can you open this bottle for me?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014stuff like that\u2014I: \u201cReally? Really! Are you just being lazy?\u201d I struggled with those emotions of sadness, and anger, and bitterness in those early days. Then, when I saw, \u201cHe really cannot do those things,\u201d and then when I would see him be injured <em>worse<\/em> because he couldn\u2019t do something, it started to be real, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I asked Dave earlier about not being able to open the door for you, and how that affected him as a man. How about the fact that you guys can\u2019t walk, holding hands somewhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That he doesn\u2019t put his arm around you when you\u2019re watching a TV show or something. Has that been hard for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes; yes! I\u2019ll answer that: \u201cYes; it has.\u201d We can hold hands a little bit, softly; but that still feels a little bit funny and odd\u2014just\u00a0 to me\u2014because I remember, not too long ago, seasons where I couldn\u2019t touch his hands or his arms or he would just [sound of pain]\u2014it would be so painful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo now, I feel a little more skittish around him, physically. I don\u2019t want to bump him; I don\u2019t want to touch his hand. If he\u2019ll reach for my hand sometime if we\u2019re walking, I might pull away, thinking, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t want to touch\u2014Oh! It\u2019s okay. I can touch your hand a little bit now.\u201d So that\u2019s been rough to deal with that between the two of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the five love languages, according to Gary Chapman, is physical touch; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If that was yours\u2014I mean, if that was the thing that you said, \u201cI most feel loved when my husband touches my hand, plays with my hair, puts his arm around me\u2026\u201d I mean, you can see where somebody would go, \u201cIt\u2019s hard for me to feel loved, given your disability.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes; I can see that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you\u2019ve figured out how to say, \u201cThat\u2019s an expression of love, but that\u2019s not the source of love.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right, right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What we\u2019re talking about here is a disability that results in a loss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it\u2019s not just loss for the person who\u2019s disabled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s how that loss impacts the spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLife is one long process of us learning how to deal with our losses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, growing old results in loss. There\u2019s the loss of hearing. Some people experience the loss of taste. You know, there\u2019s the loss of being able to do things you used to do, like chopping wood. You know, a few years back, I was enjoying splitting wood. All of a sudden, something popped; and it wasn\u2019t the wood\u2014[Laughter]\u2014my shoulder!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Eating cheesecake. There\u2019s only so much cheesecake you can have as you grow older.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have not found an end to that yet. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> But you\u2019ve heard\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I read Ecclesiastes 11; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> You\u2019ve heard about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have heard about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Okay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ecclesiastes 11 is a description, metaphorically\u2014the shutters get drawn, the eyes go out, the teeth\/the grinders go away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAging\u2014there is loss that comes with it. I think you\u2019re right\u2014we\u2019ve all got to figure out how we\u2019re going to handle loss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what\u2019s interesting, Dave\u2014the subtitle to your book\u2014and by the way, we\u2019re talking to Dave Furman with his wife Gloria. Dave\u2019s book is called <em>Being There<\/em>, and the subtitle is <em>How to Love Those Who Are Hurting.<\/em> You wrote this, not from the perspective of one who has loved the hurting\u2014you wrote this from the perspective of the hurt one, who has been loved well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly. And, by God\u2019s grace, I\u2019ve had a wonderful wife who has come around me and cared for me. I\u2019ve had wonderful kids, and other family members, friends and church members, who\u2019ve come around me. So it\u2019s really written both from a biblical perspective and my personal experience of people loving me, the hurting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, from that personal perspective, tell us the things to do with hurting people, and tell us the things <em>not<\/em> to do with hurting people. Just give us a tutorial here so that we can serve the hurting well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, this would take a while. There are a lot of things that we could think about. Maybe, first, we could start with the things not to do\u2014[Laughter]\u2014the things that we often think are helpful for the hurting; but really, really aren\u2019t. I can think of a few things. One would be to be the \u201cfix it\u201d person\u2014to kind of be the one who has all the answers. We might have a hurting friend in our lives. We might think: \u201cOh, we have an acupuncture reference that we should send them,\u201d or \u201c\u2026another cream that we should give them that will heal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How many nutritional healings have you heard about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have a bag, [Laughter] I think, filled with ointments and creams, somewhere tucked away in our closet, that well-meaning people \/ people who truly loved me and wanted to care for me handed out. But, see, when you do that, you pretty much are telling them that you don\u2019t actually have a true idea of the kind of issues that they\u2019re facing. It\u2019s possible that God could miraculously heal me through a smelling salt or a tea, but that\u2019s not the normal prescription for nerves that are mangled and don\u2019t work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Along those same lines, you don\u2019t want to judge them or assume that you know the mind of God in what happened to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of Job\u2019s three friends right here; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly! So you\u2019ve got Job\u2019s friends. Job\u2019s friends were <em>amazing<\/em> for that first week! Actually, if you go back through the book of Job, his friends were great. They had sackcloth and ashes\u2014they grieved with him. They actually shook their head back and forth, which was a great sign that they were caring for Job. I mean, they were wonderful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJob\u2019s friends were <em>great<\/em> until they opened their mouth. [Laughter] Job\u2019s friends are <em>fantastic<\/em> until they talk! They really were! And they didn\u2019t talk for seven days. I mean, the first part of Job is a great model of biblical friendship. Then, they started speaking, and what did they do? Well, they started judging Job. They started assuming that Job\u2019s struggles were because of his sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think all of us\u2014we all have hurting people in our lives. We all have aging parents, a spouse with a chronic disability, a child with a disability, a friend with cancer, or a neighbor with pain. We want to love them, and we don\u2019t want to be Job\u2019s friends; right? But we just don\u2019t know what to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, don\u2019t be the \u201cfix it\u201d person. Don\u2019t judge them and condemn them. Don\u2019t try to explain why the person is suffering, thinking that you know all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t play the comparison game. This is something that maybe you have heard or dealt with, and this is a temptation for all of us\u2014it\u2019s kind of saying, \u201cWell, I know exactly how you feel.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Or maybe it\u2019s: \u201cI have a cousin, and she hurt her elbow too. I bet she went through the same thing you did.\u201d I had someone come up to me once and say: \u201cI have tennis elbow. I know what you feel like.\u201d [Laughter] You know, unless you\u2019re Jesus, it never really helps to tell someone that you know <em>exactly <\/em>what they\u2019re going through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. I want you to think about the answer to this question, but it\u2019s going to be the first time I\u2019ve ever asked a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>not to answer the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, okay. I am a preacher, you know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to have to work hard here not to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re going to have to work hard, but the reason is\u2014I\u2019m going to turn to Gloria and have her answer it first\u2014but I want you to know what your answer is. The question is this: \u201cHow has Gloria best ministered to you?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink back to those months, like a year-and-a-half, when you were in dark, deep depression. You were barking at her, being angry with her, mistreating her and the kids, etc. How did she best demonstrate Jesus Christ\u2019s love for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd now, Gloria, how did you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know!\u2014by the grace of God. [Laughter] Well, I knew that Dave\u2019s anger, and discouragement, and depression wasn\u2019t about me. I knew that however angry he was at me \/ however many accusations I had heard about, \u201cYou didn\u2019t do this the right way, and now I\u2019m in more pain,\u201d I knew that wasn\u2019t personal about me. But I think that\u2019s different for Jesus, because our accusations and our shaking our fist at God\u2014that\u2019s personal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I think we shouldn\u2019t overlook that; because so many times, that\u2019s the case\u2014where somebody is angry with a spouse\u2014and it\u2019s displaced anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re really angry with somebody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re just taking it out on a spouse. To the extent that we can look behind the anger and see the hurt\u2014and know that this is coming from a wound, not from real anger\u2014but it\u2019s a hurt deep down just getting expressed. That can soften our response and help us to have compassion\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014rather than to just get ginned up with more anger of our own; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right, right; yes. And I had some help with that perspective too. There was an older woman in my life\u2014still is in my life\u2014she offered me great encouragement and hope in that. She reminded me often: \u201cThis isn\u2019t about you. You may feel responsible for some of these things\u2014maybe some of these things could be helped if you did different things around the house or moved something out of the way. Those temporary things could help, but ultimately this isn\u2019t about you.\u201d She encouraged me in that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did she know that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> I was transparent with her \/ I told her. I would even play out different scenes in the home: \u201cHe said this, and then I did that. I said this, and I\u2019m pretty sure my non-verbals said that too.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes! You know, you\u2019re laughing about it; but I think a lot of people misunderstand that the church is the key in bearing one another\u2019s burdens. But to do that, many times, you\u2019ve got to admit vulnerability.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Be transparent; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s a pastor\u2019s wife! I mean, he\u2019s up there preaching. How could you have a need? How could he be anything other than the perfect husband, because he\u2019s opening the Scriptures for us every Sunday?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Or, in your case, every Friday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> Right! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But, you know, you admitted a need. I want to come back to you now. How are you going to answer the question, \u201cHow did she exhibit love for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, there are a million things I could say, by God\u2019s grace. I think a couple of things\u2014one, she brought hope to me. She was a silent presence, like Job\u2019s friends were at first. Then, after that, when she did open her mouth, she didn\u2019t try to explain everything away. She didn\u2019t tell me to just gird up my loins and work harder. She didn\u2019t tell me to suck it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t tell me I couldn\u2019t be depressed, or hurt, or grieve. At the same time, she brought me hope. She was a dealer of hope. She brought the good news of the gospel to me \/ she applied it to my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of one particular incident about a couple of years in to our life in Dubai, where I had a surgery with some world-class physicians. We were getting ready for this surgery. It was amazing that these Johns Hopkins physicians were actually going to be in Dubai and were going to do surgery in Dubai. They had promised about 85 percent chance of full healing\u2014that I would be healed of this disability and be playing tennis in no time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go to the hospital on their very last day in Dubai. We got there about noon. We were there all day long\u2014I am ready for the surgery. The problem was, as the day went on, no one was ready for me\u2014I am there, hooked up to the IV. Finally, eight or nine hours in, I got wheeled down to the surgery. I wait there for about two hours, and then the crushing news came that it was too late in the day. The doctors needed to catch their flight, and the surgery was completely cancelled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember lying, all by myself, down in the basement, outside the operating room. They actually forgot about me for about an hour and left. I remember just letting out this loud scream. I was so discouraged. I had placed so much hope that I was going to have arms again. They had this miraculous surgery, and I would be healed of this nerve disease. Now, that hope was just shattered!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn those moments after that, Gloria stood by my side through those days of depression afterwards. She just reminded me again and again, very delicately, and with a lot of silence interspersed in between, that Jesus was enough\u2014that Jesus was enough to sustain us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the first thing I would say is, she cared for me. She pointed me to the gospel\u2014the good news that Jesus Christ has saved me from my sin and that there is a future hope and future grace that exists. She prayed for me throughout. She let me know her prayers\u2014she let me hear her prayers along the way. Then, she just waited. There were times when she could have waved the caution flag or thrown in the towel and said: \u201cYou know, we need to leave Dubai. We need to go home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe many people would. I wondered at times, \u201cShould she have?\u201d But I\u2019m thankful that she stood by my side, and persevered, and realized that life was going to be hard\u2014that pastoral ministry in the Middle East was going to be hard \/ that there would be spiritual warfare. She waited on God\u2019s timing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As you were talking, I was thinking about a Psalm I read recently\u2014Psalm 22. You\u2019re going to recognize the words: \u201cMy God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; and by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are holy\u2026\u201d He goes on to talk about who God is \/ the truth about God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur condition doesn\u2019t change who God is. I\u2019ve said this many times on this broadcast\u2014it\u2019s a great quote by A.W. Tozer: \u201cThe most important thing about you is what you think about God,\u201d because if you understand who He is and that He is not mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014He is not bringing things into our lives to destroy us; but, ultimately, to build us, and strengthen us, and bring comfort to others. I\u2019m thinking of the woman who brought comfort to you [Gloria]. I wonder how she learned those lessons herself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gloria:<\/strong> She said that she learned it in that same way\u2014in her own experience, through dark times in her marriage and in ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there\u2019s a lesson for our listeners here\u2014not only for the person who\u2019s hurting\u2014but to the person who may have a word to encourage those who are hurting and comfort others. Paul wrote about this in Corinthians: \u201cComfort others with the comfort with which you have been comforted.\u201d That\u2019s what she did and that brought life and hope to your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and I think you guys, together, are bringing life and hope to a lot of folks who are hurting\u2014just through the counsel you\u2019re able to give here \/ through what you\u2019ve written about, Dave, in the book, <em>Being There<\/em>. This is a book that will help those who are hurting, and it will help those who care for those who are hurting. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order a copy when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to request your copy at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Our toll-free number is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it was 40 years ago today, on this day in 1976, when Patricia and Joseph Johnson, who live in New Cumberland, Pennsylvania, became husband and wife. It\u2019s the 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary for the Johnsons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey listen to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>on WKBO. We just wanted to say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d Forty years!\u2014that\u2019s a big deal! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019re celebrating our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary, here at FamilyLife this year\u201440 years of God\u2019s grace, His favor, and His faithfulness\u2014I know the Johnsons feel the same way. If it\u2019s your anniversary today: \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to you as well. I hope you will take time to celebrate well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries really do matter. Part of our mission, here at FamilyLife, is to help more couples celebrate more anniversaries. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family, day in and day out, on this radio program, on our website, and through our events. All of what we do is made possible because folks, like you, help us with that mission when you support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you our 2017 FamilyLife calendar. The calendar is all about how you can make your home an embassy for the King. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt will remind you to do that throughout the year. The calendar is yours when you give a gift online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what tonight is? Seven o\u2019clock tonight, in both Tampa, Florida, and Sacramento, California, we\u2019ve got two FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways happening this weekend, with hundreds of couples coming out for a great weekend getaway. So pray for the couples going to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> in Sacramento and in Tampa. We still have a lot of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways happening this fall. You can get more information about the weekend when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope, even if you\u2019re not going to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> this weekend, you have a great weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you and your family can worship together in your local church. And I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about dating\u2014being single and how you navigate all of it today. Lisa Anderson is going to be here with us to talk about how she handles this as a single woman. I hope you can tune in for our conversation with Lisa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a <em>great<\/em> weekend! We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. 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