{"id":304162,"date":"2016-09-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-09-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/speak-softly-or-not-at-all\/"},"modified":"2016-09-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-09-08T15:00:00","slug":"speak-softly-or-not-at-all","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speak-softly-or-not-at-all\/","title":{"rendered":"Speak Softly or Not at All"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dave and Ann Wilson relive the details of a particular story of conflict from their marriage. They explain how they resolved it, and how it brought them closer to one another.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.7M","filesize_raw":"25898789","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2902],"tags":[4544,4543,6069],"podcast_series":[8161],"cwp_profile":[3554,3295],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304162","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resolving-conflict","tag-conflict-in-marriage","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-improve-your-relationship","podcast_series-successfully-managing-conflict-in-marriage","cwp_profile-ann-wilson","cwp_profile-dave-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304162\/speak-softly-or-not-at-all","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304162\/speak-softly-or-not-at-all","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5F5dt6LlOJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speak-softly-or-not-at-all\/\">Speak Softly or Not at All<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speak-softly-or-not-at-all\/embed\/#?secret=5F5dt6LlOJ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Speak Softly or Not at All&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5F5dt6LlOJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dave and Ann Wilson relive the details of a particular story of conflict from their marriage. They explain how they resolved it, and how it brought them closer to one another.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the reasons that there is often conflict in marriage is that husbands and wives turn from being cheerleaders and become critics. Here\u2019s Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>[Quoting Dave]<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, I don\u2019t know if you realize how important you are and the role that you play in our lives, as men. Women have <em>so<\/em> much influence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was little, my mom would constantly be telling me, \u201cGood job, David; good job!\u201d She was my cheerleader. When I got into school, I was good in sports; and so I had coaches and teachers saying, \u201cGood job, David; good job, Dave!\u201d They were cheering for me. Played college football\u2014so on Saturdays, I had fans cheering for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I meet Ann. She\u2019s like, \u201cOf all of the men in the world, I choose you, Dave Wilson!\u201d and she is cheering for me, and it is awesome!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then we get married. We walk in the door; and all we hear from you, wives, is: \u201cBooooo! Booooo!\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Chuckling] This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. So, what can we do to reverse the trend and stop being so critical of one another in marriage? We\u2019re going to spend time thinking about that today with Dave and Ann Wilson. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t play well to \u201cboos\u201d; do you Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Chuckling] I wondered if Barbara\u2019s ever gone, \u201cBooooo! Boooo!\u201d when you\u2019ve come home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No. [Laughter] No; but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But there are times\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014there have been those moments when it felt like\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019re spending some time this week talking about the reality of conflict in marriage, because all marriages have conflict. You and I had the opportunity to hear a couple of friends of ours, Dave and Ann Wilson, speak on this subject at an event not long ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was a great reminder for us \/ great instruction for us on how we can love one another and resolve conflict rather than letting it take our marriage in the wrong direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was seated with Barbara on the front row. I thought: \u201cMan, they are on message. They are delivering the goods for where people live, because we just don\u2019t live in these ivory towers where everything works out perfectly every day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, that\u2019s one of the things people enjoy most about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We don\u2019t paint life\u2014you know\u2014with air-brush photography or digitally removing all the warts and mistakes. We let it be what it is\u2014life is real \/ it comes at us every day. Ann and Dave equipped us to better handle the major issues that we have conflicts over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave Wilson is one of the pastors at Kensington Community Church in suburban Detroit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s the chaplain for the Detroit Lions. He and Ann have spoken for a couple of decades now at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways that we host all across the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019re going to be kicking off our fall season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways, here in a couple of weeks. We wanted to let listeners know: \u201cIf you sign up this week or next week to attend an upcoming getaway, we have a special offer for you. You pay for yourself at the regular rate, and your spouse comes free.\u201d It\u2019s the best offer we make all year long, but it\u2019s only good through the end of next week. If you\u2019ve thought about attending a getaway\u2014spending a weekend together\u2014relaxing, enjoying each other, and just being together, focused on your marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s time. I had a friend who confessed to me that he and his wife just attended the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. I said: \u201cOh, great! How long has it been since you\u2019d been to one?\u201d And he grimaced and looked and said, \u201cAbout 21 years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you think the tune-up needs to happen a little more regularly than that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I told him\u2014I said, \u201cIf you were running a business that gave tune-ups to cars, and I told you I tuned up my car every 21 years, you\u2019d laugh at me!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe did; and he said: \u201cYou know, I\u2019m really ashamed that we haven\u2019t. In fact, we enjoyed it so much we\u2019re going to invite our adult children to go with us\u2014the ones who are married\u2014and take them to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> with us next time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well\u2014and in fact, if you\u2019d like to sign someone up for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, now is the time to do it; because you can pay for one registration at the regular rate, and the second registration is free.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the buy one\/get one free is the best offer we have all year long.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. You can register online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions. We hope you\u2019ll join us at one of these upcoming conferences.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let\u2019s hear Part Two of a message from Dave and Ann Wilson as they dive right into the middle of providing help for us on how to resolve conflict in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Alright; let\u2019s get real practical. We\u2019re going to five \u201cS\u2019s\u201d of conflict resolution. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, we call it \u201cfive plus one\u201d\u2014there are really six. The plus one \u201cS\u201d\u2014the last one\u2014is the most important. We\u2019re going to save it for last, but it is the most important. You can\u2019t do any of the others without number six. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is this\u2014you want to resolve conflict?\u2014these aren\u2019t in order \/ these are just five principle steps you have to put in there. The first one is: \u201cShut up!\u201d [Laughter] They\u2019re all two-word sentences \/ whatever you want to call them\u2014they start with the letter \u201cS<em>.\u201d<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShut up and Listen: Most of us do not listen well in a conflict. We\u2019re only thinking about what I feel \/ what I think. I\u2019m selfish in nature\u2014I want her to know my point. I listen to her only enough to know where she\u2019s wrong and I can prove her wrong: \u201cI can\u2019t wait until she stops talking. I\u2019ll cut her off.\u201d We don\u2019t listen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, when I say, \u201cListen,\u201d it isn\u2019t just, \u201cListen to what they\u2019re saying,\u201d\u2014listen to what\u2019s underneath what they are saying: \u201cWhat\u2019s <em>really<\/em> in their heart? What\u2019s <em>really<\/em> the problem?\u201d It <em>probably<\/em> isn\u2019t just what they\u2019re saying or the presenting problem; there\u2019s something layered underneath there, and you have to listen for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve seen this, but you can really listen sometimes with your eyes. When somebody walks in the door\u2014you can see that with your kids or your spouse\u2014and you can see that they\u2019re irritated \/ you can see that something\u2019s wrong. I think that it\u2019s so important for us to go into the deeper issue of what\u2019s wrong; because when you\u2019re at that point, anything will set you off\u2014so to find out and ask those questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave will come home, and he won\u2019t yell; but he\u2019ll be quiet, or he\u2019ll just be a little bit on edge. I can take that personally; or I can say: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWhat happened today?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and listen. James 1\u2014I know a lot of you know this passage\u2014but he wrote this: \u201cMy dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be\u201d\u2014what? \u2014\u201cquick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, we live the opposite of that\u2014we\u2019re quick to anger, quick to speak, slow to listen. He says, \u201cBe quick to listen.\u201d Two ears \/ one mouth\u2014listen twice as much as you talk: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d Engage. Look her in the eyes \/ look him in the eyes\u2014put down the phone, turn off the TV, shut out the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Say: \u201cOkay; you matter. You matter so much \/ nothing else matters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat are you really trying to say?\u201d And you <em>listen<\/em>, with asking God\u2014literally, pray and asking God, \u201cWhat is <em>really<\/em> the issue here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYears ago, I was at church, preaching on a Sunday morning. At that time, we met in a high school; and we were in between services. I was sort of at the front door of this high school where people are coming in for church, and it was just about time to go in. I\u2019m welcoming people as they come in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a parking spot\u2014right by the front door\u2014that just opened up. I saw Ann whip into that parking spot and jump out of the car with two of our sons\u2014we have three sons\u2014two of them. They come walking up to the front of the church, and they\u2019re smiling. They\u2019re all happy they got this <em>amazing<\/em> parking spot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It was awesome! I had teenagers; so we were late\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Are you blaming? Did you hear that? She <em>blamed<\/em> the teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and there\u2019s never a spot right by the front door. So I\u2019m like: \u201cThank you, Jesus! This is my spot!\u201d I pull in \/ I see Dave\u2014like: \u201cHey! You look like you\u2019re happy today.\u201d He <em>leans<\/em> over to me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>She walked in; and I go, \u201cYou move that car <em>now<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I said, very politely, \u201cNo.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m like, \u201cYes; you are!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m not moving the car.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cYou move the car now.\u201d And at the same time, I\u2019m like: \u201cHey, welcome to Kensington! How are you doing? [Laughter] Good to have you here!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cMove the car!\u201d And she\u2019s like, \u201cNo!\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cAustin, move the car!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I stand in front of my son; and I say\u2014just like this\u2014\u201cNo. He\u2019s not moving the car!\u201d This is happening in front of church. [Laughter] Just like\u2014can you believe it?\u2014\u201cOh, that\u2019s the pastor and his wife!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cNo. I\u2019m not moving it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, we couldn\u2019t even resolve\u2014I had to go preach. I\u2019m like, \u201cYou have to move it. You have to move it <em>now<\/em>.\u201d I go into church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So I sit in the back of the church, my arms crossed. I sit there and I think, \u201cI can\u2019t <em>stand<\/em> the pastor of this church!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So I\u2019m up there, preaching; and I can see her. She\u2019s literally back there, like this; and I\u2019m like, \u201cWait till I get home!\u201d [Laughter] You know, every time I looked at her I gave her that [look]\u2014you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I get home later. You know, when you have those conflicts that are still going\u2014I mean, I step in the door; and I\u2019m like: \u201cI cannot believe you parked right by the front door! What were you thinking?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, here\u2019s what you don\u2019t know; because you\u2019re looking at me like: \u201cWhat\u2019s your problem, dude? Seriously, what is your problem?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s my side of the story; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh!\u00a0 Uh-huh! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here\u2019s my side of the story. Twenty-five years ago, two buddies and I started our church; alright? So, when you start a church, you set the core values. One of our core values, which still is a foundational value of our church, is we give the best parking spots to the un-churched people. When you join our church, you put up your right hand and say: \u201cI will take the worst parking spot. I\u2019ll park across the street \/ I\u2019ll park in the back of the lot.\u201d Staff are not even allowed to park on the parking lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, my <em>wife<\/em>\u2014<em>the pastor\u2019s wife<\/em>\u2014takes the best spot in the church! I\u2019m like: \u201cOoh! What are you doing?! That was sin! That was sin!\u201d [Laughter] That was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>No; they were already there! I was late\u2014they were already in there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That was my spot from Jesus! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That was <em>not<\/em> from Jesus! No way. That was from the other guy. [Laughter] Anyway, when I got home, I was like, \u201cOh my!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we\u2019re going at it. We don\u2019t yell much, but we got a little escalated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was so funny\u2014my 14-year-old, Cody\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014at that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014now, he\u2019s on our staff \/ he preached last night for me at church. He\u2019s 14\u2014he\u2019s sitting there\u2014and we\u2019re in the middle of this thing. I was at the table, he\u2019s at the other table, and Ann\u2019s standing there. He goes like this\u2014in the break in the action\u2014he goes, \u201cHey Dad, don\u2019t you Mom travel around the country and teach couples how to resolve conflict?\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201cYes.\u201d He goes, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you maybe show me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like: \u201cYou sit there! You watch! You will see that I\u2019m right\u2014watch this!\u201d [Laughter] Boom! We go at it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So I get so hot \/ I\u2019m so mad that I have to leave\u2014like I didn\u2019t want the drama. I need space \/ I need to breathe. But the bad thing is\u2014I should have been <em>praying<\/em>; and instead, I\u2019m building my case. Have you ever done that?\u2014like you start: \u201cOh \/ oh! This is what I\u2019m going to say.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, now, it\u2019s like I have this new ammunition. I come downstairs and I\u2019m like: \u201cAlright; here\u2019s the deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI go to church every single week by myself. I bring, when the boys are little, by themselves\u2014we\u2019re there, all night, without you \/ by ourselves. I do the cooking \/ I do <em>everything<\/em> around here\u2014I clean, I do the wash, I mow the grass, I do the cars, I clean the cars. I snowboard \/ I wigboard\u2014just to be with the guys. So it\u2019s one time! If there\u2019s a parking spot in the front, I should get to park there, one time!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Don\u2019t you clap!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Anne: <\/strong>Yes! Yes! [Laughter] Whooo! [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Hey guys; do I get any help here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Like, \u201cHe just said, \u2018No.\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, look; they think you\u2019ve lost.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I have lost. [Laughter] I lost now, and I lost then too. I was just like\u2014I mean, when she did that\u2014she\u2019s standing over there\u2014I\u2019m not kidding\u2014Cody gives me this look, like, \u201cDad, dude, you are toast!\u201d you know? [Laughter] So, what was really interesting is\u2014when she went upstairs and didn\u2019t pray, I did pray. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Anne: <\/strong>Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>While she was gone\u2014here\u2019s what happened. She sort of stormed out of the kitchen and went upstairs. Initially, I was like: \u201cYes! You should get out of here, because you don\u2019t belong to even be in this room!\u201d So I was sitting like this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile I was feeling that, I look over and there\u2019s Cody. [Laughter] He\u2019s 14 years old, and he gave me this look. The look was like, \u201cReally?\u201d You know, that\u2019s how men communicate, women\u2014they don\u2019t say anything; it\u2019s just a look. And that little look was like, \u201cReally, Dad?\u201d He\u2019s watching this thing. Everything in that look was like: \u201cCould you model for me what a man of God does in conflict? Could you model for me how to resolve\u2026\u201d He didn\u2019t say anything\u2014all that was there [in the look].\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I prayed. I was still mad \/ I\u2019m like: \u201cGod, You have to soften my heart. Maybe I\u2019m missing something \/ maybe I just need to shut up and listen and see what\u2019s really there.\u201d So then she comes down and she says that. When she said that\u2014I was totally tuned-in; and I said this\u2014I said, \u201cLet me ask you something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Which was great, right there, that he wanted to ask me something\u2014totally <em>diffused<\/em> all of my anger\u2014because he was going deep into the issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So I said, \u201cDo you feel like Kensington\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the name of our church\u2014\u201cdo you feel like Kensington\u2019s more important to <em>me<\/em> than you are?\u201d That\u2019s what she did [nod].\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Anne: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And right then, I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s the issue.\u201d It was never about a parking spot \/ it was about priority. I know the thing that makes Ann feel loved\u2014is she\u2019s number one in my life, second to God. I say\u2014I\u2019m the guy, standing in church, \u201cGod first, my family and my wife second, church\/ministry third.\u201d I was <em>not<\/em> living it; and she, just with a shake of her head\u2014I was like, \u201cOh my.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you\u2014ten years earlier, I would have defended myself \/ told her: \u201cYou\u2019re feeling the wrong thing. You are priority, and here\u2019s why; and it\u2019s on the calendar.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve realized\u2014I\u2019ve realized, over years\u2014and I\u2019m just saying this \/ I hope you\u2019ve realized it\u2014whatever your spouse <em>feels<\/em> is what is real for her or him. That\u2019s what you have to deal with. It\u2019s stupid for me to go, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t feel that, and you\u2019re wrong.\u201d I had to go: \u201cOh my! You\u2019re right! What do I need to do so that you feel like a priority? Because honey, you are my top priority. What am I doing to make you feel like that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, and I\u2019m telling you\u2014when somebody speaks like that to you, who wants to go deep \/ who\u2019s asking questions\u2014and I love that Dave prayed, because what is the Holy Spirit for us? He\u2019s our Advocate, He\u2019s our Comforter, and He gives us wisdom. So for Dave, he took me to a place where it diffused my anger, and I could totally hear him, and listen, and respond\u2014then we went deep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So, it was a pivotal moment, even in our marriage. It changed everything. And I will add this\u2014she\u2019s never, ever going to park in that parking spot again anyway; it doesn\u2019t matter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Maybe you don\u2019t know. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I don\u2019t even want to know. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, so we said there are five \u201cS\u2019s\u201d\u2014six \u201cS\u2019s\u201d really\u2014that\u2019s the first one: \u201cShut up!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second one we just modeled for you\u2014it\u2019s \u201cSoft Answer,\u201d or \u201cSoft Words.\u201d <em>Somebody<\/em> has to de-escalate\u2014de-escalating conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Obviously, we said it\u2014it usually is the one who\u2019s most mature. Well, who decides that? Well, when you de-escalate, you are showing that you are the most mature one. You\u2019re saying, \u201cWe\u2019re not going to escalate this thing anymore.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen somebody de-escalates, it\u2019s really hard to keep yelling \/ it\u2019s really hard to keep fighting. It\u2019s like\u2014you can\u2019t. It\u2019s like you want them to engage. You look like an idiot; because you\u2019re still yelling, and they\u2019re going soft and gentle with their answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And even with that soft answer, I can\u2019t tell you how important it is to not use words that wound your partner. When we curse, when we name-call, when we say, \u201cYou\u2019re an idiot,\u201d\u2014all that does is escalate everything. All it does is\u2014we take our words and we wound each other continually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat hurts! So soft answers are answers that are\u2014even the words, \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d\u2014to say: \u201cLike I\u2019m really angry,\u201d but not to go into, \u201cbecause you\u2019re so stupid!\u201d We have to guard our tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And we\u2019ve done that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>James talks about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. In Proverbs 15:1\u2014I <em>love<\/em> this verse\u2014he says, \u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; isn\u2019t it true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s so true. When somebody\u2019s gentle in a volatile situation, it <em>changes<\/em> the entire culture. John Gottman, who I mentioned\u2014this researcher\u2014he says, \u201cWhen I watch this couple for 15 minutes, here\u2019s what I\u2019m looking for.\u201d He says, \u201cIf I see contempt, they\u2019re in trouble.\u201d There\u2019s not a lot you can do for contempt. He says, \u201cIf I see contempt, I\u2019m usually saying, \u2018They\u2019re not going to make it.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s how he defines contempt\u2014it\u2019s the single best predictor of relationship breakdowns. He defines contempt as: \u201cAn attitude of superiority, speaking down to your partner through name-calling or direct insults. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cA critic diagnoses the problem as a defect in their spouse, and sees the relationship in terms of what is <em>missing<\/em> instead of focusing on the positive things about their spouse and their relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>As I read that, I think, \u201cYou know, I am guilty of that in our marriage\u2014not name-calling or direct insults\u2014but this attitude of superiority.\u201d I think we, as women, can sometimes be better <em>relationally<\/em>. We can see the problem \/ we usually know what the problem is. I think what I did to Dave was\u2014I made him feel like he was clueless, and he didn\u2019t know what was going on. I felt like: \u201cI have it all together. If you could just get your act together, our marriage would be <em>amazing<\/em>.\u201d What does that communicate to Dave? Who would want to be around that kind of person?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we were speaking at our church. Our MOPS [Mothers of Pre-Schoolers] group said: \u201cHey, could you guys both come? Could we get a guy\u2019s perspective so that Dave\u2014we can hear what he has to say too?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s a great idea!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave agreed to it. We\u2019re talking \/ he\u2019s starting to get into it. We didn\u2019t even talk about what we were going to say\u2014you were just going off-cuff\u2014because he started getting into [Quoting Dave]:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Ladies, I don\u2019t know if you realize how important you are and the role that you play in our lives, as men. Women have <em>so<\/em> much influence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was little, my mom would constantly be telling me, \u201cGood job, David; good job!\u201d She was my cheerleader. When I got into school, I was good in sports; and so I had coaches and teachers saying, \u201cGood job, David; good job, Dave!\u201d They were cheering for me. Played college football\u2014so on Saturdays, I had fans cheering for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I meet Ann; and she\u2019s like, \u201cOf all the men in the world, I choose you, Dave Wilson!\u201d; and she is cheering for me, and it is <em>awesome<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then we get married. We walk in the door, and all we hear from you, wives, is: \u201cBooo! Booo!\u2019<strong>\u201d<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0[Laughter] Dave had <em>never<\/em> shared this with <em>anybody<\/em>\u2014let alone <em>me<\/em>! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was all into it. I\u2019m over here; and as I\u2019m standing, I\u2019m like: \u201cI\u2019ve never said it like this before. This is really good!\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cBooo!\u201d and I look; and she\u2019s right there, and she\u2019s like\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cOh boy, I\u2019m dead. [Laughter] I am dead!\u201d She gives me this look, like, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I had no idea. I got in the car; and I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat was that?\u201d He\u2019s like: \u201cI don\u2019t know. It just came out of my mouth.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was like, \u201cGod gave me that\u2014that\u2019s what that was.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But honestly, this is part of speaking the truth in love. When Dave was saying that, that\u2019s what happened to me. I thought\u2014I felt like I was God\u2019s gift him, because I was helping to fix him. [Laughter] And what does that communicate?\u2014right? What does that communicate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You got it, guys \/ they got it\u2014it communicated: \u201cBooo!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Think about this\u2014a guy who went to a 0-in-16 season with the Lions doesn\u2019t want to hear anymore boos\u2014trust me! [Laughter] I would come home, and that\u2019s what it <em>felt<\/em> like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So, for me, when Dave\u2014I said, \u201cDo you really think that I boo you?\u201d We were talking <em>softly<\/em>\u2014I said, \u201cTell me what you feel about that.\u201d And he <em>did<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was really interesting. What I said was: \u201cI know you love me. I honestly don\u2019t think you <em>like<\/em> a lot of things about me. You\u2019re always telling me I can do this better \/ I should have done this. I said, \u201cSo, honestly, that feels like boo!\u201d I said, \u201cEverywhere else, I get cheered. People are saying: \u2018You are the man! Great job!\u2019 I come home; and it\u2019s like my own\u2014the most important person in my world\u2014is saying, \u2018I\u2019m not satisfied.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s\u2014we don\u2019t have time to get into this; but if you\u2019ve ever looked at God\u2019s design of a man and woman\u2014love and respect\u2014a man longs to be respected; right? When he <em>isn\u2019t<\/em> \/ when he\u2019s disrespected, how does he respond?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014one of two ways. Women, if you don\u2019t know this, this is a symptom\u2014say: \u201cOkay; this is a symptom of disrespect\u2014he will either explode in anger or withdraw \/ he will shut down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did both; but typically, I just sort of withdrew. I\u2019m like: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m not the guy you thought I was. I\u2019m not measuring up. Well guess what? You\u2019re not going to get anything!\u201d I never said that\u2014I just withdrew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And the best thing that happened to us\u2014and for you guys\u2014don\u2019t have a fight when you\u2019re in a fight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>When you\u2019re angry, don\u2019t get in a fight. For us, the reason I could hear Dave was because we weren\u2019t fighting\u2014we were listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was gentle!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It was a gentle answer. It was talking. It was exactly\u2014it was God speaking directly to me and convicting me, because it was sin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And all I can say\u2014and again, we don\u2019t have time\u2014but she <em>changed<\/em>. I mean, she heard me. I can tell you\u2014a year in our marriage\u2014it has changed ever since. She speaks life into me \/ she believes in me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s not a <em>day<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m not kidding\u2014not a day that doesn\u2019t go by, she\u2019ll say: \u201cYou are an incredible man\u2014the way you lead, the way\u2026\u201d\u2014just all these things. I look at her and I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019m not that good.\u201d [Laughter] It\u2019s like she\u2019s saying I\u2019m better than I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what you need to know about men and about your sons\u2014it\u2019s true\u2014men rise to what you believe they are. I started to become the man she says I was, even though I wasn\u2019t!\u00a0 It\u2019s like: \u201cOh my! Your man <em>longs<\/em> for you to be his cheerleader\u2014he does! That\u2019s what he\u2019s longing for. And trust me\u2014I said this last year, and I mean it\u2014if he came home, and you were wearing a cheerleader outfit, that\u2019d be pretty cool too. [Laughter] But anyway\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He had to go there; didn\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He couldn\u2019t let\u2014he had to go there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Hey guys, you have to give me a high-five for that one. That was for you! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh my!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Alright; we\u2019re done with that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; we\u2019re not \/ no; we\u2019re not done with that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave and Ann Wilson\u2014Part Two of a message on resolving conflict in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, where else, Bob, can you tune in on the radio and have the radio program tell you to \u201cShut up!\u201d and tell you to \u201cGive a soft answer\u201d? I mean\u2014huh? I mean, we\u2019re giving you the straight scoop here and trying to help you make one of life\u2019s most important commitments\u2014a marriage and a family relationship\u2014go the distance. The advice they gave is spot-on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mentioned that Dave and Ann speak together at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways all across the country. We wanted to remind listeners: \u201cThis week and next week, you have the opportunity to sign up for a getaway and to save 50 percent off the regular registration fee\u2014you pay for yourself at the regular rate \/ your spouse comes free.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s the best offer we make, because we <em>really<\/em> want to encourage you\u2014to look now at your calendar and look online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014find out when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is going to be coming to a city near you. Block the weekend out, register, and join us! If you live in the Philadelphia area, I\u2019m going to be up there in late November\u2014come join us!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are 40 events all across the country. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, find out when a getaway is coming near where you live, and then call to register at 1-800-FL-TODAY or register online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we still have the conclusion to Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s message on resolving conflict. We\u2019re going to hear that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304162"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304162"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304162"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304162"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}