{"id":304160,"date":"2016-09-07T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-09-07T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/conflict-is-neutral\/"},"modified":"2016-09-07T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-09-07T15:00:00","slug":"conflict-is-neutral","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/conflict-is-neutral\/","title":{"rendered":"Conflict\u00a0Is Neutral"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Conflict in marriage is neither good nor bad. It&#8217;s how you resolve the conflict that affects the relationship. Dave and Ann Wilson say conflict can even improve your relationship, when it is resolved constructively. Jim and Carol Shores join the Wilsons\u00a0to illustrate the complexity of conflict.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Conflict in marriage is neither good nor bad. Dave and Ann Wilson say\u00a0it can even improve your relationship when it is resolved constructively.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"29.9M","filesize_raw":"31355383","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2902],"tags":[4544,4543,6069],"podcast_series":[8161],"cwp_profile":[3554,3295,9330],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304160","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resolving-conflict","tag-conflict-in-marriage","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-improve-your-relationship","podcast_series-successfully-managing-conflict-in-marriage","cwp_profile-ann-wilson","cwp_profile-dave-wilson","cwp_profile-jim-and-carol-shores","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304160\/conflict-is-neutral","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304160\/conflict-is-neutral","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wsM8zFK8mx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/conflict-is-neutral\/\">Conflict\u00a0Is Neutral<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/conflict-is-neutral\/embed\/#?secret=wsM8zFK8mx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Conflict\u00a0Is Neutral&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wsM8zFK8mx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Conflict in marriage is neither good nor bad. Dave and Ann Wilson say\u00a0it can even improve your relationship when it is resolved constructively.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it good or bad to have conflict in your marriage?\u00a0 Pastor Dave Wilson says, \u201cIt\u2019s neither.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Conflict is neutral. How you handle it determines how it will work out in your marriage. You hear me?\u00a0 It\u2019s true!\u00a0 I actually would even say this: I think conflict can be really, really good. If you learn\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about it tonight\u2014some ways to handle conflict from God\u2019s Word and you start to <em>resolve<\/em> conflict, you will be more intimate \/ you will be closer in oneness than you ever would get by avoiding conflict. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We all have conflict in marriage. The question is: \u201cDo we know what to do about it when we have conflict?\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll get help from Dave and Ann Wilson today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can be kind of fun when a couple decides to demonstrate what a good fight can look like in a marriage. We had that happen recently when some friends of ours\u2014Dave and Ann Wilson\u2014decided, for the sake of the audience they were speaking to, that they\u2019d just have a little pretend fight right there in front of everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It was entertaining, as an observer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was thinking, as you said it\u2014you know, when someone is having an argument, it\u2019s no fun\u2014I mean, you\u2019re getting hurt; and you\u2019re hurting someone else. A lot of times, we get in a downward spiral; and we don\u2019t know how to get out of it. In fact, I am convinced that one of the things we do best at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is we equip couples to know how to handle conflict in their marriage constructively. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to get a chance to hear some of that today as we hear from Dave and Ann Wilson, who speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. Mixed with them in this message are our friends, Jim and Carol Shores, who will do the demonstration of what the conflict looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut this is a good spot for us to remind listeners that the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways that we host each year\u2014we\u2019re about to kick off our fall season. And right now is a good time to sign up for that because, this week and next week, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners can register for an upcoming getaway. You pay the regular rate for yourself, and your spouse comes free\u2014it\u2019s a buy one\/get one free opportunity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can get more information when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and the information is available there. If you have any questions, give us a call at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to answer your questions over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt this point, we want to hear a little coaching on conflict resolution from our friends, Dave and Ann Wilson. Dave is one of the pastors at Kensington Community Church in suburban Detroit, Michigan. He and Ann speak at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways all across the country. He\u2019s the chaplain for the Detroit Lions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And they are a hoot\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014together. They are entertaining. This message has to be one of the top ten messages I have ever heard on this subject from anyone. They did an absolutely fantastic job presenting how couples have conflict and how we need to resolve conflict with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Relationships\/marriage\u2014all relationships are both wonderful\u2014right?\u2014they\u2019re awesome; and they\u2019re really hard. We\u2019re the typical couple\u2014dated, fell in love \/ over the top in love. In fact, we went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> two weeks before our wedding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The marriage conference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>The marriage conference\u2014you know, FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We said this earlier today\u2014but all these people [conferees] are writing notes, and they\u2019re crying. We\u2019re like [as an engaged couple]: \u201cWhat are they doing?\u00a0 Why are they writing notes?\u00a0 How hard can it be?!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cThis can\u2019t be that hard!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \u201cWe love each other. We love Jesus. We\u2019re perfect\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI mean, come on!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, guess what?\u2014we got married. We\u2019re driving to our first job in Lincoln, Nebraska, to be the Cornhusker\u2019s chaplain. [Cheering]\u00a0 That was our first job. So, we get there, and it was the worst year of our life\u2014not because of Nebraska\u2014because of our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We were fighting continually. This one night, we went to bed, having <em>another<\/em> fight. I woke up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Every day\u2014every day\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014non-stop. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I woke up at three in the morning. Dave wasn\u2019t in bed. I go downstairs, and he\u2019s on the couch with his Bible on his lap. I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThat\u2019s cool. Look at him spending time with God \/ hearing from God.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d\u00a0 He goes: \u201cI am just <em>praying<\/em>. I just sat here, and I read tonight what Paul said\u2014to live is Christ and to die is gain. And I, honestly, am asking God, \u2018Take me to be in heaven, because it would be better than to be married to you.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I know!\u00a0 Who says that out loud?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, think about this, though\u2014look back\u2014I mean, like six months, eight months\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014a year before that\u2014if you would have told me that\u2019s where I\u2019d be in my first year of marriage, I would have said: \u201cNo way!\u00a0 Not with her \/ not with him.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s true!\u00a0 I would have rather died at that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what was going through my brain\u2014maybe, this has happened to you: \u201cI married the wrong person. We should have never gotten married\u2014she\u2019s 19 \/ I\u2019m 22. I come from two alcoholic parents and a broken family. My dad took vacations with me when I was five years old with his girlfriends and abused\u2014I mean, just a <em>bad<\/em> situation. She comes from sexual abuse, and here we are. You look at it on paper, and you say: \u2018Yep; bad decision. You probably shouldn\u2019t have done this.\u2019\u00a0 And that\u2019s what we\u2019re starting to feel\u2014six\/seven months in. Well, guess what?\u00a0 We made it. [Cheering]\u00a0 We\u2019re making it\u2014seriously!\u00a0 [Applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s amazing how important it is to be able to resolve conflict because everybody has conflict\u2014<em>everybody<\/em>. So, you have conflict. Here\u2019s what most people don\u2019t do\u2014they don\u2019t know how to resolve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re really good at having it; we don\u2019t know how to resolve it. Our kids don\u2019t know how to resolve it\u2014they don\u2019t see us resolve it. So, we get to spend some time talking about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019re so passionate about this topic. Honestly, we\u2019re passionate about it\u2014not only for you \/ for our marriages\u2014but for our kids and our legacy because our kids learn how to fight and have conflict. They model what we do. So, for us to model it in a way that is healthy and glorifies God, I want that; don\u2019t you?\u00a0 I want to have that. I want my legacy\u2014that goes out of us\u2014to experience that and for healthy marriages to come from us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay; so, if you\u2019re going to write something down, here\u2019s the first thing you write down\u2014the four styles or patterns of handling conflict. You fit in one of these, and it\u2019s actually in the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. We heard this, when we went to that conference as an engaged couple\u2014never listened to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So, as we say these, think about: \u201cWhat are you when it comes to \u2018How do you handle conflict?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And they are really fast: The first one is \u201cwin\u201d; the second one is \u201cyield\u201d; third one is \u201cwithdraw\u201d; the fourth is \u201cresolve.\u201d\u00a0 You fit into one of those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a conflict comes, some of you are winners\u2014you know a winner. A winner\u2014man, they are good!\u2014they can debate, they have eye-witnesses, fingerprints, GoPro videos: \u201cYou\u2019re wrong!\u00a0 I\u2019ll show you. Here\u2019s the video, right here. You\u2019re going down.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, winners are really good at conflict. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYielders, usually, are this\u2014they\u2019ll lose the conflict because\u2014what?\u2014they say: \u201cThe relationship is more important than this conflict. I\u2019ll give it to you.\u201d\u00a0 Actually, I don\u2019t know any yielders, but they say there are some. So, there are yielders. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third one is a withdrawer. A withdrawer just leaves. They don\u2019t like conflict \/ they hate conflict. They\u2019ll leave the room \/ they\u2019ll leave the house. If they can\u2019t leave the room, they\u2019ll shutdown emotionally\u2014you can\u2019t engage them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, you have people who will do whatever it takes to resolve. They will not stop until \u201cWe get to a resolution.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Ann and I get married; right?\u00a0 We don\u2019t know any of this stuff. Even though we heard it, we don\u2019t know this stuff. I don\u2019t know what I am \/ I don\u2019t know what she is. But let me ask you this: \u201cWhat do you think she is?\u201d\u00a0 Just take a guess. She\u2019s a winner\u2014she goes at it. She grew up in a family that: \u201cIf you\u2019ve got a conflict, let\u2019s talk about it; and let\u2019s deal with it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuess what I am? Yes; I\u2019m a withdrawer. I grew up in a home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and you can\u2019t blame it, but I model what I saw\u2014two parents that never resolved anything. Conflict, whenever it happened\u2014usually, Dad got drunk. He was not a happy drunk\u2014he was a mean drunk, and it got ugly; and it ended in divorce. My perspective on conflict is: Always bad \/ always avoid it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we get married. We don\u2019t know any of this; right?\u00a0 We have a conflict in our first couple of months of marriage. We were living with her parents, raising support as missionaries, now, on Athletes in Action staff. We\u2019re going to be sent to the University of Nebraska to be their chaplain. We\u2019re raising money back in our hometown. It\u2019s a summer afternoon. Everybody is gone, windows are open, and we get into this fight. And I do what I do\u2014don\u2019t even know I did\u2014I just got up and started to leave the room. That\u2019s what I do\u2014I just walk out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I couldn\u2019t believe it!\u00a0 I\u2019ve never seen anyone get up and leave the room when we\u2019re in the middle of a fight. So, I yell at him, \u201cCome back here and fight me like a man, you, chicken!\u201d\u00a0 Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s what I hear. I hear that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 That\u2019s helpful!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014as I\u2019m walking into the kitchen, I hear that, I turn around, I walk back in, and I\u2019m like: \u201cYou want a man?\u00a0 Watch this: Bleep you!\u201d\u00a0 And I walk away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know you can\u2019t believe I cursed; but I did. [Laughter]\u00a0 And I just start walking away. Then, I hear, from behind me, from the couch\u2014go ahead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I said, \u201cWell, bleep, bleep you!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And I\u2019m not kidding. I turned around, and like: \u201cOHH!\u00a0 You cursed!\u00a0 Oh my goodness!\u201d\u00a0 Then, I walked out. I was like, \u201cI can\u2019t believe this.\u201d\u00a0 So, I\u2019m going upstairs to the bedroom, closing the door. She follows me! [Makes a sound] Radar. I sit down on the bed. She sits down right beside me; and she goes: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk about this. We\u2019ve got to resolve this\u2014this is what you do when you get married. You resolve conflict.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m like: \u201cWhat are you doing right now?!\u00a0 Get out of here,\u201d\u2014because I had <em>never<\/em> in my life resolved conflict. You know why?\u00a0 I thought conflict was bad \/ you avoid it at all cost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou ready?\u00a0 That\u2019s not the truth. The truth is this\u2014you ready?\u2014conflict is neutral. How you handle it determines how it will work out in your marriage. You hear me?\u00a0 It\u2019s true!\u00a0 I actually would even say this: \u201cI think conflict can be really, really good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I do too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cIf you learn\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about it tonight\u2014some ways to handle conflict from God\u2019s Word and you start to resolve conflict, you will be more intimate \/ you will be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201ccloser in oneness than you ever would get by avoiding conflict.\u201d\u00a0 So, I\u2019ve changed in 35 years of marriage. I do not withdraw anymore\u2014it\u2019s still in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And you don\u2019t curse at me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s still in there, but I\u2014yes; I never curse at you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You don\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It doesn\u2019t happen. But I mean, that\u2019s just a glimpse into our marriage at that time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m going to give you one main truth: \u201cThe health and future or your relationship is determined by how you handle conflict.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I\u2019m not talking about the God part \/ I\u2019m only talking about the human part. \u201cThe health and future of your relationship is determined by how you handle conflict.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get this from John Gottman\u2014do you know the name?\u2014marriage researcher \/ marriage writer. He\u2019s the guy who is known worldwide. He\u2019ll sit for 15 minutes with a couple\u2014watch them argue\u2014and tell you if they are going to get divorced or not. He\u2019s 98 percent right in 15 minutes. He says this: \u201cThe number one indicator of whether you\u2019ll make it or not is how you handle conflict.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we\u2019ve got to talk; and we\u2019ve got to get a grip on how this works. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut before we tell you a lot, we thought it might be better just to <em>show<\/em> you how to resolve conflict\u2014so watch this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Actors]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Hey, look at this!\u00a0 Look at what I\u2019m in the middle of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>[Phone conversation] What?\u00a0 No; the course is a complete disaster. Do you understand?\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019ve got students calling and complaining about it. I\u2019ve got a father who just withdrew his daughter from the course. So, now, it\u2019s becoming a retention issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Hey, Thad just texted. He needs to be picked up from basketball. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>[Phone conversation] Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Can you do that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>[Phone conversation] No; well, you asked me to call you specifically about this course if there appeared to be some problems. So, there are some specific problems about the course. That\u2019s why I\u2019m calling you right now. Yes; of course\u2014yes; we can do it on the agenda of Tuesday\u2019s meeting. I will document it, of course; certainly. You too\u2014thank you. Bye. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Speaking to Carol] Oh my word!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>What was that?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Claude Levy asked me to handle something one way. He <em>completely<\/em> about-faces and thinks I\u2019m the problem. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>So, can you do this?!\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Do what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>What I was asking you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What were you asking me?\u00a0 I can\u2019t ever make out what you\u2019re doing when you do that [Carol\u2019s motioning while he was on the phone]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Well, I\u2019m trying to communicate with you without interrupting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Well, I can\u2019t interpret mime and hold a conversation on the phone at the same time\u2014like, \u201cWhat do you need from me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I just need to know if you can do this, or if I need to extricate myself out of all this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Do what?\u00a0 Can we introduce some nouns into this conversation?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Carol: <\/strong>You don\u2019t need to be like that. Look, Thad texted. He needs to be picked up from basketball. I\u2019m wondering if you can do it!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Right now?\u00a0 I just walked in the door. Come on; can\u2019t you do this one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s just\u2014I\u2019m on\u2014I\u2019m like in the middle of this!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>In the middle of what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>This\u2014taxes!\u00a0 I had to start the taxes because this deadline for FAFSA is coming up, which we need to fill out in order to get Jennifer some financial aid for college. So, I started the taxes, but it\u2019s pretty complicated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Okay; so, this really isn\u2019t a <em>question<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m doing this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>No!\u00a0 Brother! I\u2019ll do it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>No; I\u2019ll do it. Oh, my goodness\u2014I\u2019ll do it, or I\u2019ll hear about it <em>all<\/em> night!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I\u2019m not going to say anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Oh, that\u2019s when you\u2019re absolutely the <em>loudest<\/em>!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>When have I ever done that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>The oil change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Oh, not the oil change <em>again<\/em>. That was fine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>It was <em>not<\/em> fine!\u00a0 It needed to be synthetic, and you didn\u2019t tell me until <em>after<\/em> the oil change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You know that was over a month ago!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I know, and you know what?\u00a0 That night you said nothing about it, and you <em>might<\/em> as well have had a bull horn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You know what?\u00a0 I thought the car might be <em>ruined<\/em>. So, I was <em>worried<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Okay; fine. We need to decide who is picking up Thad here, and let\u2019s <em>not<\/em> change once it\u2019s decided. Is it going to be <em>you<\/em>, or is it going to be me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Speaking to Conferees]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Freeze. [Laughter] You know this; right?\u00a0 Often in a conflict, the conflict you are talking about is <em>not<\/em> the conflict. You know that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Do you see it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, she\u2019s doing taxes \/ he just is dealing with the thing at work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Is it ever good to\u2014like when you\u2019ve had a hard day, is it ever good to get into something right when you walk in the door?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s the worst; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Never!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s just a\u2014anything will explode. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So, there is all this stuff under the surface that is creeping into this thing. They think it\u2019s about this, but it\u2019s about something else. Let\u2019s see how they do. Action!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Actors]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>So, I\u2019m doing this; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Doing what?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Picking up Thad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know!\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 I need you to find the last three years of tax records for this FAFSA form. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Wait!\u2014right now?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Well, <em>soon<\/em>. I mean, I\u2019ve done everything else. I\u2019ve already figured out all the utilities and the charitable donations, but I\u2019ve got to call <em>three<\/em> of those organizations. They sent me 1099s that do not match up with all that we gave and the canceled checks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019ve already been on the phone for two-and-a-half hours today\u2014changed your dental appointment from next week to next month. Then, I had to deal with that whole email problem\u2014they\u2019re passing me from person to person to person to person until I\u2019m back with the first person, who says I need to talk to the tech expert. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I have dealt with just enough people today on the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>[Reading phone text] He\u2019s on the phone?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Thad?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 [Audience laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>[Phone text] Oh my word!\u00a0 He just scheduled this meeting for tomorrow. This is a complete train wreck!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Then, there\u2019s the email I got about the million dollar settlement in a bank in Nairobi that has our name on it. I think I\u2019m going to respond to that just so I can skip the FAFSA altogether. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What?\u00a0 [Audience laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You\u2019re not listening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I am listening. Thad needs to be picked up. I\u2019m putting out another fire, and you need the tax records in two minutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>That is <em>not<\/em> what I said!\u00a0 Oh, my word!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Is there anything to eat before I go pick up Thad?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You know what? I haven\u2019t had a chance to think about that because I\u2019ve been <em>dealing<\/em> with this all afternoon, but\u2014you know what?\u00a0 I think this is a perfect time for me to just go in the kitchen and deal with that. So, I\u2019ll go <em>look<\/em> for something\u2014okay?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>\u2014before I <em>say<\/em> something I am going to regret!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What did I do now?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Oh, forget it. Just <em>stay<\/em> here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Speaking to Conferees]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Freeze!\u00a0 Alright; so, sometimes, in the middle of a conflict, you know what you need?\u2014timeout. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Timeout. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>They\u2019re getting to a place that\u2019s getting heated, getting heated, getting heated. It\u2019s okay, sometimes, to take a timeout. You just don\u2019t take a timeout for a month\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014or a week. It\u2019s a small timeout to simmer down and calm down a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, let\u2019s go back and see how they do. Action!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Actors]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Okay; so, here\u2019s a hunk of cheese to balance your blood sugar. [Audience laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong><em>Fine<\/em>. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>But you can\u2019t eat it at the table, because I cannot move this stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I\u2019ll just stand over here and gnaw on this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Thad\u2019s texting again. He wants to know if we can pick up Dylan and Tom at the practice and bring them home also. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Wait a minute. They live way over in Magnolia\u2014that\u2019s like 45 minutes. Come on!\u00a0 Do these kids not realize they need a ride home until\u2014ding!\u2014the practice is over?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You know what?\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to pick up all of them; alright?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>No; no. I\u2019ll pick them up. It just would be really helpful if you gave me some warning on this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Warning?!\u00a0 I just learned two seconds ago!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>No; I\u2019m talking about picking up Thad. I walk in the door, and it\u2019s just\u2014wham!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You mean you\u2019d like to give me a warning that I would need to do the taxes all by <em>myself<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I never asked you to do the taxes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Oh, well, somebody has to because you never have a <em>minute<\/em> that you can start them!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Okay; now, I should have done that too. Maybe, you would like to walk through my day with me and see how much open space I have to get anything done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Well, maybe, you\u2019d like to experience my day and know why I am so freaked out about this FAFSA coming and the taxes aren\u2019t done!\u00a0 SHUT UP! [Audience laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Speaking to Conferees]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Freeze. This isn\u2019t working. We need to rewind. You need to go back a little bit and approach this a little bit differently. [Rewinding noises]\u00a0 Start!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Actors]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Okay; Thad\u2019s texting\u2014says he wants to know if we can bring the whole rest of the team home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 [Audience laughter] When did this go from picking up Thad to, like, giving the entire team a ride home?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. I feel like something happened, and we missed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>This is going to take like what?\u2014about an hour?\u00a0 You want me to do all of this?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>No. Do I want you\u2014yes! I want you to do all of this. I do \/ I do\u2014but if you can\u2019t feel that you can do all of this, then, of course, I don\u2019t want you to do all of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>That\u2019s not what I said. What I said was that I think that, maybe, you should see what is going on with me. If you actually\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I should see what\u2019s going on with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>\u2014see what is going on with me, you would think\u2014you know what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You know what?\u00a0 I can\u2019t see past all these papers here!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I feel like we are on a loop tape\u2014we are on a total loop tape. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I can\u2019t see past the papers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Speaking to Conferees]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Stop. Now, here\u2019s the amazing thing\u2014that when you get to this point in conflict, at some point, somebody has got to make a move toward resolution. Am I right?\u00a0 Somebody has to. This thing is not going anywhere good. It\u2019s just spinning and spinning out of control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And if you\u2019ve read <em>Love and Respect<\/em> by Emerson Eggerich, what does he say?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cWho should make the first move?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cHe who is most mature.\u201d\u00a0 Who do you think that\u2019s going to be? [Audience reaction]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to vote for <em>her<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m voting for him. [Laughter]\u00a0 Let\u2019s find out who\u2019s most mature. Go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Actors] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I\u2019ve got to just find, like, this one piece of paper that\u2019s in this pile before I forget about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>[Softened voice] Look; I really\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>[Emotion in voice] I just need you to know this is just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim and Carol: <\/strong>I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 [Audience applause and laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>I am sorry you had such a hard day. I started doing these taxes as a gift to you. Then, I got overwhelmed; and I just got resentful. I should have just let you, at least, land here before I started in with the ride for Thad. I just was <em>mad<\/em>, and I took it out on you. And I don\u2019t have an excuse really because I did, and I\u2019m sorry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I\u2019m the one who should be apologizing. I feel like work trails me home, and it <em>never<\/em> ends. Then, you have your own list; and then, this is our son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course, you are stressed about doing taxes; and I did not handle this well. I\u2019m sorry. I really am\u2014I\u2019m sorry. Thank you for diving in and doing the taxes. I really appreciate it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You\u2019re welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What can I do to help?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You could find those tax records by\u2014tomorrow morning is when I need them. Thad\u2019s texting again\u2014he wants to know if we can take him to that place that he likes to eat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What place?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>You know that place\u2014the place\u2014it\u2019s the new place that\u2019s across from the old place that has the thing on top. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Oh, that place? I love that place!\u00a0 I\u2019ll take him \/ I\u2019ll pick him up. I love you. I\u2019m picking up Thad. Bye. [Kisses]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Oh, no; you\u2019re not!\u00a0 You\u2019re not going to get to have <em>fun<\/em> without me. We can\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes; I am!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>\u2014argue about it in the car. [Audience laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Speaking to Conferees]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; give Jim and Carol a hand. [Applause]\u00a0 That was awesome!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Aren\u2019t they amazing?\u00a0 [Cheering]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We sent them a script and a video of us doing this at our church. They said: \u201cWe\u2019re going to do a different drama. We\u2019re going to write it.\u201d\u00a0 And they did\u2014they wrote that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I really\u2014we\u2019ve been praying, and I know people have been praying over you in this room; because there are some people in here\u2014maybe, a lot of us\u2014that are really stuck in a conflict\u2014maybe, a bunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Because what happened\u2014that conflict is so normal. That\u2019s so normal for all of us. It\u2019s just\u2014life gets messy, and our emotions start to flair. So, it\u2019s very normal to go through that. So, I think let\u2019s just start out praying too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, thank You for tonight. Thank You for every single person in this room. It\u2019s not an accident that they are here, but You have appointed each one of us. So, Lord, we pray that You would speak to us now. We pray Your Holy Spirit would nudge us, and encourage us, and inspire us, and convict us\u2014and You, God, would speak directly to our hearts, and You would help us to make a difference in our marriages and in our legacy. We pray this in Your name. Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, together with Jim and Carol Shores, as they\u2019ve been helping us understand the problem and how it happens. Honestly, if you want to deal with a problem, one of the things you first have to do is understand what the problem is. That doesn\u2019t cure it, but that does get you down the road a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think most couples get married, totally underestimating the number of ways they are different and the various ways they are going to be set up to have a conflict in their relationship\u2014whether it\u2019s kids, money, sex, the schedule, priorities. I mean, there are so many decisions made in a marriage relationship. This is absolutely essential\u2014that a couple understand the biblical basics of how to resolve a conflict when it occurs. And Bob, as you know, that\u2019s what we give couples at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re right. And right now\u2014this week and next week\u2014we\u2019re encouraging <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to join us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re about to kick off our fall season. We\u2019ll have about\u2014I think it\u2019s about 40 events this fall\u2014cities all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the reason we are stressing this today is because, if you sign up this week or next week, and you pay the regular rate for yourself, your spouse comes free. It\u2019s the best offer we make throughout the year. If you\u2019re interested in attending, now is the time to sign up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Every marriage needs both the husband and the wife to be finding ways <em>together<\/em> to invest in their marriage. And I think the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is one of the very finest investments you can make. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can sign up online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Just click the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or if you\u2019d like to register over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you are listening to today\u2019s message, and you thought, \u201cI wish I could <em>see<\/em> what was going on\u2014on the stage,\u201d you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and watch the video of Jim and Carol\u2019s performance\u2014and Dave and Ann with them as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, look for the video on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; and it really is fun. You might want to watch it together, as a couple, tonight or pass it on to some friends you know because they did a <em>great<\/em> job with this message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd in fact, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear Part Two of what Dave and Ann have to share about how we resolve conflict in marriage. So, I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304160","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304160"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304160"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304160"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304160"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304160"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304160"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304160"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}