{"id":304156,"date":"2016-09-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-09-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/stinkin-thinkin\/"},"modified":"2024-11-20T14:20:07","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T19:20:07","slug":"stinkin-thinkin","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stinkin-thinkin\/","title":{"rendered":"Stinkin&#8217; Thinkin&#8217;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Are you asking God to change your husband? Perhaps God wants to change you! Sheila Gregoire, author of &#8220;9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage,&#8221; reflects on her early years of marriage and the countless hours she spent praying for God to tame her husband&#8217;s sex drive. Realizing that God is pro-sex, Sheila decided to change her way of thinking, and it was then that her marriage began to improve.Show Notes &amp; ResourcesSheila Gregoire&#8217;s free downloadable study guidesSheila Gregoire&#8217;s blog &#8216;To Love, Honor and Vacuum&#8217;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sheila Gregoire, author of &#8220;9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage,&#8221; reflects on her early years of marriage. After she decided to change her way of thinking, her marriage began to improve.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.38M","filesize_raw":"28707272","date_recorded":"2016-09-05 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088,2831],"tags":[4541,4529,2877,4540],"podcast_series":[7249],"cwp_profile":[3246],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304156","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","category-wives","tag-change-your-husband","tag-expectations","tag-marriage","tag-sex-drive","podcast_series-9-thoughts-that-can-change-your-marriage","cwp_profile-sheila-wray-gregoire","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304156\/stinkin-thinkin","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304156\/stinkin-thinkin","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wGG6DFV00x\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stinkin-thinkin\/\">Stinkin&#8217; Thinkin&#8217;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stinkin-thinkin\/embed\/#?secret=wGG6DFV00x\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Stinkin&#8217; Thinkin&#8217;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wGG6DFV00x\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Sheila Gregoire, author of \"9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage,\" reflects on her early years of marriage. After she decided to change her way of thinking, her marriage began to improve.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-09-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So how\u2019s your marriage? However you answer that question may have more to do with how you\u2019re thinking about your marriage than how your marriage actually is. The Bible says, \u201cAs a man thinks in his heart, so is he.\u201d Here\u2019s Sheila Gregoire.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> When we start taking control of our thoughts \/ taking every thought captive like Paul says in 2 Corinthians, and saying, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to look at this the way that God looks at it instead of just focusing on my own hurts,\u201d <em>then<\/em> we can start doing something. But when we see ourselves as always victims, we\u2019re never going to get anywhere.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Sometimes the first step you need to take in your marriage getting better is to change the way you think about your marriage. We\u2019ll spend time talking about that today. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I don\u2019t think we fully appreciate, regularly, how much what we think affects everything about our lives. I\u2019m thinking back to\u2014you remember Zig\u2014[imitating Zig]\u2014Zig Ziglar, who used to talk like this. [Laughter] Zig with the big southern accent. He\u2019d smiiiiiiile and he\u2019d talk about \u201cYou\u2019ve got stinkin\u2019 thinkin\u2019!\u201d [Bob\u2019s own voice] You remember that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>[imitating Zig] \u201cYou need a checkup from the neck up.\u201d [Laughter] [Bob\u2019s own voice] Those were Zig\u2019s big things that he\u2019d talk about. But really, how we think\u2014well, the Bible says it this way\u2014it says, \u201cAs a man thinks in his heart, so is he.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what are guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> also thinks, Bob. Sheila Gregoire joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Sheila, welcome to the broadcast.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Thank you! It\u2019s great to be here.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She is from the north side of the border\u2014Canada.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; so when you hear me say, \u201cEh,\u201d you know why. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right! And if you hear us say, \u201cY\u2019all,\u201d\u2014yes\u2014you\u2019ve been down here a bunch; so you know how to interpret all of this.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s written a book\u2014back to the thinking theme that you pointed out, Bob\u2014<em>Nine Thoughts that Can Change Your Marriage<\/em>. She and her husband Keith have been married 25 years. They have two daughters. Sheila has written a number of books, including <em>The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex <\/em>and<em> Love<\/em>\u2014are the rest of the words\u2014[Laughter]\u2014<em>To<\/em> <em>Honor<\/em>\u2014<em>Love, Honor and Vacuum<\/em>? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Yes; yes\u2014<em>To Love, Honor, and Vacuum<\/em> was my first one and <em>The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex<\/em> is the big one.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s your blog too. A lot of people follow you on To Love, Honor and Vacuum\u2014the blog; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila: <\/strong>They do! Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. We\u2019ve got a link on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, to your blog.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If folks want to check it out, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>You and your husband, also, have spoken at FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways in Canada.<\/p>\n<p>I want to step in here, Dennis, and let our listeners know that, this week and next week, we\u2019re kicking off our fall season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways, here in the United States. We\u2019re doing it by offering <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners an opportunity to register for an upcoming getaway and save 50 percent off the regular rate\u2014you pay for yourself, and your spouse comes free. It\u2019s a buy one\/get one free\u2014a 50 percent off registration offer.<\/p>\n<p>You can take advantage of it when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com to register. If you want to find out when a conference is going to be held in a city near where you live, just go to FamilyLifeToday.com \/ click on the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. Again, when you register, this week or next week, save 50 percent off the regular registration rate.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We hope to see you this fall at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You [Sheila] taught me something I didn\u2019t know. Barbara and I like to grow flowers. In fact, right now, our front yard is just <em>exploding<\/em> in color because of my wife\u2019s talent. Yours truly [Dennis] is labor; okay? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> She\u2019s talented and you do the grunt work. I get it! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good partnership there!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She\u2019s never met a plant she didn\u2019t like to move at least two or three times. [Laughter] I mean, it\u2019s just the way\u2014it\u2019s just the way it is.<\/p>\n<p>Sheila, you taught me something in your book. I didn\u2019t know that there was a sex flower.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> [Laughing] Yes; indeed! There are!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That has to do with your story of where you and Keith came from.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> That\u2019s right! When we first got married, I felt like sex was just the biggest rip-off that God had ever made because it hurt, it wasn\u2019t that comfortable, it was awkward, and he wanted it <em>ALL <\/em>the time! I thought, \u201cWhat is wrong with my husband?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I thought sex was the <em>whole<\/em> problem in our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>I remember\u2014the sex flower thing\u2014one night, we did make love. He had a good time, and the next day he brought me flowers; and I was really ticked off! I thought to myself, \u201cOkay; so you\u2019re just giving me sex flowers. You\u2019re giving me flowers because I gave you what you want. So, now, you\u2019re going to try to reinforce this like, \u2018Okay; if I\u2019m nice to her after she has sex, then maybe she\u2019ll have sex more.\u2019\u201d I was\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you realize how confusing that is to us, as men?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila: <\/strong>Well, I know; because it <em>finally<\/em> occurred to me\u2014it finally occurred to me, \u201cNow hold on a second! The reason he bought me flowers was because we made love and now he feels closer to me, and he just wants to reach out.\u201d When I finally <em>got that<\/em>, it changed everything.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what you were thinking about flowers, about your husband, about his motives\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Flowers were stinkin\u2019 thinkin\u2019. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> They were! Yes; and I think it\u2019s not just that\u2014it\u2019s also what I was thinking about God; because for the first two years of my marriage, I made it my mission in life to turn my husband off because I thought, \u201cIf I can just make sure he never wants it, then we can go back to having this great relationship that we had before we were married!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We were best friends, we got along great, and so sex was the whole problem!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sheila, have you heard of gravity? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> You can\u2019t reverse it? [Laughter] It\u2019s a law? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a law of the universe!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> I tried! I wasn\u2019t really successful! Can you believe that, Dennis?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s back to gravity again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> I know! Then finally, one day, it occurred to me\u2014I\u2019d been praying to God to change my husband and to make my husband love me just for who I am and not what I can do for him. I was pouring out my heart to God because it says that God is close to the brokenhearted. I was brokenhearted; so God must understand my pain.<\/p>\n<p>Then, one day, God gave me this thought\u2014He said: \u201cSheila, if I made sex and if I made sex to be really, really good, and sex isn\u2019t good for you\u2014maybe the problem isn\u2019t Keith\u2014maybe the problem is just sex. If I made it to be wonderful, why would you want to miss out on that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I thought: \u201cOh, my goodness! Yes! Why would I want to miss out on that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So, we turned it into the best research project we\u2019ve ever done in our marriage\u2014trying to figure it out and make it great! But it started with me realizing, \u201cI need to stop seeing <em>myself<\/em> as this brokenhearted person that my husband is hurting and start saying, \u2018Okay; <em>wait<\/em>\u2014if God made marriage and sex to be <em>great<\/em>, then why would I settle for anything less?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So I have to go back to the beginning of your marriage and ask you, \u201cDid you ever think\u2014speaking of thinking\u2014did you ever think about divorce?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> No; we never thought about divorce, but I thought that probably I was going to be miserable for a long time. I think that sometimes we Christians do that\u2014we say: \u201cOh, yes. I made that vow, and I\u2019m staying in this marriage even if I have to make everyone around me miserable for the rest of my life. I\u2019m not going anywhere!\u201d That\u2019s not really committing to staying; because I think if you\u2019re committing to staying, you\u2019ve got to commit to make the marriage the best it can be.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>A lot of us are committing to not leaving, but that\u2019s not the same thing as committing to the marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sheila, I appreciate your candor in this whole subject. It shows up in your blog and in your books. So I knew, ahead of time, that you\u2019re very transparent about all of this. I don\u2019t want to be asking inappropriate questions here, but I\u2014you had to be going into marriage looking forward to intimacy; weren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> I was! But you can never really know what it\u2019s going to be like. We were both virgins on our wedding night. I know that many Christians aren\u2019t. What I\u2019ve found is\u2014whether you are a virgin or not\u2014sex changes so much once you are married. We don\u2019t always know what it\u2019s going to be like. I think a lot of women especially get married <em>thinking<\/em> that it\u2019s all going to be fine, but we don\u2019t realize how <em>truly<\/em> intimate this is and how all of our baggage can impact sex. We don\u2019t understand even the physical aspects of it.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t get to the root of it\u2014which is that God did make it to be wonderful and it doesn\u2019t need to be like that\u2014then I think a lot of us tend to distance ourselves from our spouses, because we\u2019re so hurt.<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Over the years, you\u2019ve spoken to groups all over the United States and Canada. You\u2019ve undoubtedly found you were not alone in some of your stinkin\u2019 thinkin\u2019, as well, as just the dark days of your marriage. You\u2019ve found other women struggling as well.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila: <\/strong>Absolutely! And it isn\u2019t necessarily just about sex. I think it\u2019s that thought that often just gets us <em>stuck<\/em>\u2014which is: \u201cI\u2019m miserable. God knows my heart, because God is close to the brokenhearted. He doesn\u2019t want me to be miserable, and He just <em>feels<\/em> my misery.\u201d We go to God like, \u201cOh, you must know exactly how I feel.\u201d And yes; God knows how you feel, but God also knows how your husband feels. I think too often we picture God as being completely on <em>our<\/em> side. We don\u2019t realize, \u201cGod isn\u2019t on my side \/ He\u2019s not on my husband\u2019s side\u2014God\u2019s on His <em>own<\/em> side.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When we always think of ourselves as: \u201cOh, I\u2019m brokenhearted. I just need to pray, and God will fix my husband,\u201d we\u2019re in totally stinkin\u2019 thinkin\u2019; because we can never get out of that until we <em>stop<\/em> focusing on <em>us<\/em> and start looking at \u201cWhat is God trying to do in my marriage?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Out of all this, you began to analyze how your own thinking was taking you in the wrong direction in your marriage. You turned that around and then kind of pulled back to the big picture and said: \u201cThere are nine issues \/ there are nine thoughts that women need to capture and grab hold of.\u201d You crafted this book, <em>Nine Thoughts\u2026 <\/em>to help women become better wives.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Exactly! I think that is the key because, when we start taking control of our thoughts \/ taking every thought captive like Paul says in 2 Corinthians and saying, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to look at this the way God looks at it instead of just focusing on my own hurts,\u201d <em>then<\/em> we can start doing something<em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But when we see ourselves as always victims, we\u2019re never going to get anywhere.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And whatever the issue is\u2014we all face disappointments in a marriage relationship. Husbands and wives are\u2014we disappoint one another. We all have something less than the ideal \/ something less than what our expectations were. When we disappoint one another, we do face a choice at that point to either say, \u201cThe problem here is outside of me,\u201d or \u201cThe problem here is inside of me.\u201d If you keep focusing on it being outside of you, you\u2019re probably focused on the wrong thing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila: <\/strong>Exactly! And sometimes in the church we make it <em>worse<\/em> because we tell women: \u201cYou know, if you\u2019re hurting, you just take it to Jesus. You just put it at the foot of the cross and you leave it with Jesus.\u201d It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t believe that\u2014<em>I do<\/em>\u2014but maybe God wants you to <em>do<\/em> something about it. Maybe God wants you to pray to strengthen yourself so you can <em>do<\/em> something.<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I think we often make women very passive instead of saying, \u201cOkay, honey; look\u2014God gave you all these gifts, the Spirit, God gave you your personality, God put you in this place because He wants you to <em>do<\/em> something to make your marriage great.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there a point where you came to Keith and you said, \u201cI need to talk to you. I have been thinking wrongly about this. I have been\u2014the issue\u2019s been in my own heart \/ my own thinking. I want to do things differently\u201d? Did you have that kind of conversation with him at some point?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> [Laughing] I think we\u2019ve had that conversation at many points.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Many times? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> But yes; certainly, in the first few years about sex we did. God was working in Keith\u2019s heart at the same time. We both had to come to the point we were saying: \u201cI love you for who you are,\u201d \u201cI love you no matter what,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019re going to get through this together\u201d; and we did.<\/p>\n<p>Even in the last few years, we\u2019ve had a difficult couple of years because my husband\u2019s work schedule was so busy and mine was so busy that we just didn\u2019t see each other a lot. Then you start growing apart just because of the drift\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014not that there was anything <em>wrong<\/em>; but sometimes you start rehashing old wounds and things like that. Again, we had to have that conversation, where I said, \u201cI\u2019m still bringing stuff up from 20 years ago, and I need to put it away.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me make the issue generic. Whatever the gripe is\u2014because there are people, who are listening right now, and they\u2019re going, \u201cWe\u2019re doing fine in this area, and fine in that area; but my gripe is this\u2026\u201d If a woman came up to you and said, \u201cHere\u2019s my gripe about my marriage\u2026\u201d\u2014again, it doesn\u2019t matter what it is\u2014if you\u2019re going to counsel her on how to address that gripe, whatever it is, what\u2014you\u2019re not going to say, \u201cTake it to the cross and leave it there\u201d; or maybe you will, but what are you going to add to that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to say: \u201cTake it to God. See it the way God does and then ask God what He wants you to do about it.\u201d Sometimes, God just wants you to wait and pray and that\u2019s fine; but sometimes, God wants you to take action. Sometimes, that action is about <em>yourself<\/em>; and sometimes that action is about talking to your husband \/ doing things differently\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014even bringing in a third party to talk \/ getting a mentor couple\u2014whatever it might be.<\/p>\n<p>The thing is\u2014you need to see it through God\u2019s eyes <em>first<\/em>; and then ask God, \u201cOkay; what can I do?\u201d\u2014not \u201cWhat can my husband do?\u201d\u2014not\u201cWhat can someone else do?\u201d\u2014but \u201cWhat can <em>I<\/em> do in the here and now?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There is an enemy of marriage. He is trying to divide a husband and a wife and cause them to be isolated from one another. One of the ploys that he has is to create circumstances where one spouse gets angry at another. You use the sex flower [Laughter] as an illustration\u2014he brought you flowers \/ you got angry. It\u2019s interesting\u2014one of your next chapters in the book is \u201cDon\u2019t Let Your Husband Make You Angry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cLive above your circumstances.\u201d Unpack what you mean by that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Yes. What I said is: \u201cMy husband cannot tick me off,\u201d because so often I think: \u201cOh! My husband does this, and I get <em>so<\/em> angry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But let me give you two scenarios. One night, your husband comes home 22 minutes late\u2014okay?\u2014it doesn\u2019t bother you at all\u2014but five nights later, he\u2019s 22 minutes late\u2014and you have been standing at the door for the last\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is the wife of a pediatrician. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Right. And you\u2019ve been standing at the door for the last 17 minutes, looking for his car. You\u2019ve been texting him, and you\u2019ve been phoning him, and, \u201cWhere is that man?!\u201d He did the exact same thing both nights, but only one night you got ticked off. Maybe it was because that night that you got ticked off, one kid needed to be at karate at 7:00, one kid needed to be at gymnastics at 7:05, you had homework you needed to get done, and you just had too much on your plate. So the issue <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> that he was late; the issue is that <em>you<\/em> were overwhelmed, and then when he did something, it caused everything to come crashing down.<\/p>\n<p>Quite often\u2014in fact, I would say the <em>majority<\/em> of times that I get ticked off at my husband\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014it is not something big \/ it really isn\u2019t\u2014it\u2019s just little things. It\u2019s that combination of\u2014he does something at the same time as I\u2019m being affected by not getting enough sleep last night, even being hormonal, being exhausted, being overwhelmed\u2014and the <em>combination<\/em> causes me to get ticked off.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you have a process now, in your own thinking, where if you start to feel, \u201cThat really ticks me off!\u201d\u2014does that trigger for you: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on inside of me?\u201d I mean, do you start to think that direction?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Yes. I love the word, \u201ctrigger\u201d because I actually used that in the book\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cWhat are you triggers for getting ticked off?\u201d I encourage women\u2014to say, \u201cOkay\u2014even keep a <em>diary<\/em> if you have to\u2014but every time you got ticked off in the last week, ask yourself, \u2018What was going on with <em>me<\/em> right at that minute?\u2019\u201d It\u2019s amazing, when you start to do that, you can see patterns. Sometimes, it\u2019s because: \u201cI had just talked to my mom half an hour before. My mom always makes me feel guilty, and then I take that out on someone else,\u201d or whatever it might be.<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Then you can recognize, \u201cAlright; I\u2019ve got to do something about my relationship with my mom,\u201d or \u201cI have to just start getting more sleep,\u201d or whatever. Look at your own stuff.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You and Keith admittedly married one another because you\u2019re different. It\u2019s interesting that the thing that attracts us to one another prior to marriage is our differences. After marriage, they can repel us. What is the number one \/ the biggest difference between you and Keith? Now, for 25 years, you ought to be an expert on this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> I\u2019m spontaneous, and he likes to have everything planned. We bought an RV this year \/ we\u2019ve been living a lot in the RV. I don\u2019t like making reservations because \u201cWhat if we\u2019re some place we really like \/ we want to stay there an extra day?\u201d But he likes knowing where we\u2019re going to be each night. This year, he decided to do things my way and he didn\u2019t make the reservations.<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It was hard for him, but we had a great time! There was only one night that we panicked, because we didn\u2019t have a place to stay! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I wondered about the one night where you were going to get caught, because there\u2019s one of those coming for everybody!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> My daughter is\u2014my daughter just got married last summer. She married someone who is so <em>relaxed<\/em> and who\u2019s just always happy. My daughter is a type-A, very driven personality. One of the things that she loves about her husband is that he helps her to <em>relax<\/em>. I hope they stay that way\u2014that it stays \/ that it\u2019s a good thing. I think it will, because they\u2019ve talked about it a lot. I think that\u2019s the key\u2014is talking and identifying it <em>early<\/em>. It\u2019s not that he\u2019s wrong or that she\u2019s right\u2014it\u2019s that we\u2019re different\u2014and those differences are good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> See, we\u2019ve had this conversation\u2014Mary Ann and I have said to one another: \u201cDifferences aren\u2019t always wrong. Sometimes they\u2019re just different.\u201d And Mary Ann\u2019s quick to add, \u201cSometimes they\u2019re wrong!\u201d And I go, \u201cOkay; sometimes they\u2019re wrong, but sometimes they\u2019re just different.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the other thing\u2014to take it a step beyond that and say: \u201cSometimes, those differences change the color from black and white to Technicolor. Sometimes, those differences\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No question!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cgive you a better, healthier, more robust\u2014it\u2019s a whole lot better to have differences than to have sameness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve heard me say it about Barbara, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You haven\u2019t, Sheila; but I have said to Barbara, \u201cWherever you go, you make things beautiful,\u201d because she is beautiful; but secondly, she\u2019s always designing\u2014the flowers in the front yard, she\u2019s designing rooms, she\u2019s constantly creating. She likes to move from disorder to order \/ to beauty. That is part of what attracts me most to her. She\u2019s brought a lot of beauty to my life\u2014to your point, Bob.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> She makes things beautiful, but she has you do the work to make those things beautiful. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s interesting how much we change as we get married, but we change <em>together<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I know, when Keith and I got married\u2014I\u2019ve always liked exercise. I don\u2019t have a big craving for fatty foods; whereas, my husband once drank a whole glass of bacon grease on a dare. [Gasps and laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A pediatrician did that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sheila:<\/strong> Oh, he did! He has genes\u2014like his genes would naturally make him about 80 pounds heavier than he is right now; but because he\u2019s married to me, he\u2019s kept smaller than he would have. Because I\u2019m married to him, I now know the joys of real butter! So, I think that it all evens out\u2014it\u2019s a good thing. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> God made biscuits to be carriers of butter. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the point we\u2019re starting with: \u201cMost of the issues we\u2019re dealing with in a marriage are influenced by our thinking. Maybe that\u2019s the issue itself\u2014is how we\u2019re thinking about it\u2014it\u2019s not what\u2019s actually going on, but it\u2019s our thinking on this issue.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if that\u2019s the case for you, as the wife or as the husband, this book would be a great read together, as a couple. I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve had some folks who\u2019ve\u2014both the husband and the wife have read this, and it has created some stimulating discussion.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got copies of the book Sheila has written. It\u2019s called <em>Nine Thoughts that Can Change Your Marriage<\/em>. You can order a copy of the book from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request a copy of the book. By the way, there\u2019s a downloadable study guide available for this book. If you want to order the book and download the study guide, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and look for the link for the study guide while you\u2019re there.<\/p>\n<p>Also, when you\u2019re online, take a few minutes and find out when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway is coming near where you live this fall. We\u2019re about to kick off the fall season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. We\u2019d love to have you join us at one of these weekends for couples, where you can have fun, relax, and learn about God\u2019s design for marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And if you sign up this week, you pay the regular price for yourself and your spouse comes for free. It\u2019s a buy one\/get one free offer. It\u2019s good this week and next week. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com \/ get more information\u2014just click the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. You can sign up online; or if you have any questions, give us a call and we\u2019ll try to answer those for you.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to Brian and Michelle West, who live in Trevor, Wisconsin\u2014it was 18 years ago today that the Wests got married. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on WMBI out of Chicago. They are also supporters of this ministry.<\/p>\n<p>We appreciate those of you who help support this ministry. Our goal is to try to provide you with the kind of practical biblical help and hope you need so that you can celebrate more anniversaries like the Wests are celebrating today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In order for us to accomplish that goal, we need partners, like you, who can help provide the financial resources to help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, getting our mobile app into more and more places all around the world, our website, our resources, our events. When you support <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, you\u2019re making all that we do possible; and we appreciate your financial support.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re able to help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you the FamilyLife 2017 Ambassadors for Christ calendar. We\u2019ve been talking about this theme of being ambassadors for Christ recently, and our 2017 calendar is all about that subject. I know you\u2019re thinking 2017 is still a long way away, but this calendar actually starts in 2016 \/ it starts in October\u2014so as soon as you get it, you can start putting it to use. Request your copy of the calendar when you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY, or when you mail your donation to<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue to talk about how our thinking influences our marriage and how, if there are issues in our marriage, maybe we ought to start by saying, \u201cAm I thinking right?\u201d Sheila Gregoire is going to be back with us tomorrow. Hope you can be back as well.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of <em>FamilyLife<\/em> of Little Rock, Arkansas.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304156","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304156"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304156"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304156"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304156"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304156"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304156"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304156"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}