{"id":304124,"date":"2016-08-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-08-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/blended-family-boot-camp\/"},"modified":"2016-08-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-08-11T15:00:00","slug":"blended-family-boot-camp","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blended-family-boot-camp\/","title":{"rendered":"Blended Family Boot Camp"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Ron Deal | Series: Stepfamily: Blender or Crockpot | Take advantage of world class blended family coaching on day two of this blended family boot camp. Counselor Ron Deal breaks down the most common and vexing issues facing remarried couples, as he provides real solutions and keen insights into the complexities of remarriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Counselor Ron Deal breaks down the most common and vexing issues facing remarried couples, as he provides real solutions and keen insights into the complexities of remarriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"42.69M","filesize_raw":"44765124","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2936,2937],"tags":[2585,4033,2732],"podcast_series":[7955],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304124","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-remarriage","category-staying-married","tag-blended-family","tag-divorce","tag-remarriage","podcast_series-stepfamily-blender-or-crockpot","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304124\/blended-family-boot-camp","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304124\/blended-family-boot-camp","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"8uACQQgpQs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blended-family-boot-camp\/\">Blended Family Boot Camp<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blended-family-boot-camp\/embed\/#?secret=8uACQQgpQs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Blended Family Boot Camp&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"8uACQQgpQs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If somebody offered you a bowl of beef stew and you had your choice of stew that had been cooked in a crockpot or stew that had been prepared in a blender, which would you pick? Ron Deal says, when it comes to blending families, the crockpot may be the better way to go; but there will still be some challenges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely. Everything else is beginning to come together; but you have a carrot who says, \u201cI don\u2019t think so!\u201d It is what it is, and you <em>can\u2019t fool food<\/em>. You can\u2019t rush it \/ you can\u2019t force it. You can\u2019t demand it because as soon as you go back into blendering\u2014high heat\u2014it tends to work against you. Trust the crockpot! Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, August 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf blending your family has been challenging, maybe you need a new device or a new recipe. We\u2019ll hear more from Ron Deal about that today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. Back for another day of the Ron Deal cooking program, as we\u2019re hearing about putting away the blender and getting out the crockpot if you\u2019re trying to cook a blended family. I mean, the whole point here is that a blender just chops everything to pieces. If you want it to work, you need something that\u2019s going to involve a slow process of everything coming together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And realize it\u2019s not going to happen immediately\u2014that a blended family, because of how it was formed\u2014and there\u2019s\u2014what\u2019d we say? \/ 67 different ways it\u2019s formed? Because of how it\u2019s formed, it\u2019s just going to take a lot of time, and prayer, and, I think, growth, spiritually, in both the husband and the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what Ron really challenges couples to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, here he is with Part Two of his workshop for blended families, recorded not long ago, in front of an audience of blended couples. Here\u2019s Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender \/ cook it with a crock pot. What\u2019s different about crockpots? They\u2019re <em>slow!<\/em> Do you ever come home, at the end of a workday, and go, \u201cLet\u2019s make something in the crockpot!\u201d? No, you don\u2019t! [Laughter] If you didn\u2019t do it before you left for work, you ain\u2019t having crockpot that night. You know what I\u2019m saying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s slow, and it works on low heat\u2014a very different cooking method than anything else\u2014very different than a blender, for sure\u2014than an oven and a microwave\u2014they are fast and high heat. This is slow and low heat. Low heat is: \u201cBe intentional about building togetherness \/ about becoming family. Be intentional about it.\u201d That\u2019s low heat. You have to have some heat or it doesn\u2019t cook; right? But the difference is it is low, as opposed to high-pressure heat that\u2019s on my time \/ in my way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s low heat\u2014time is just time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPatricia Papernow, in her research on stepfamilies, suggests it takes the average stepfamily between five and seven years to begin to answer the question, \u201cWho are we to one another?\u201d to find their family-ness, to find that sense of identity and define their relationships. That\u2019s normal! If you just heard that, some of you just went: \u201cDear God! What does that mean [crying]?\u201d At the same time, there\u2019s some hope in that because, for some of you\u2014you, who are going: \u201cMan, I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not going faster. I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not working. Why are we still struggling with some of this stuff? Why do we still have this stress? Why does that kid not like\u2026? Why do we do\u2026? How come you and I\u2026?\u201d Part of it is\u2014you\u2019re still cooking, for crying out loud. You\u2019re not supposed to be there yet. You\u2019re more normal than you thought!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the good news! But it does mean you have to continue to be intentional and be intentional in a <em>smart way<\/em>\u2014not necessarily just in this chaotic, kind of push- it-all-together way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what are a couple of tools to help you be smart\u2014that low-heat stuff? Patricia Papernow, again\u2014really good stuff here\u2014she talks about two ideas\u2014compartmentalization and middle ground. Now, these are not the only two ideas; but they are pretty significant cooking strategies, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMiddle ground is: \u201cWhat do you have in common? What do you like? What naturally brings you together?\u201d Middle ground can be <em>CSI<\/em> on Thursday nights. Middle ground can be football on Sunday afternoons. Middle ground can be going to church, as a family unit. That\u2019s a spiritual-thing, and you\u2019re investing in that; but it\u2019s also a family-ness cooking strategy. Whatever that natural connecting point is, you get really smart about doing it because that\u2019s part of your low heat. Find your middle ground and be intentional to keep doing it. Trust the clock because you can\u2019t rush the clock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCompartmentalization is where you just admit: \u201cHey, \u2018A\u2019 and \u2018B\u2019 are not really coming together nicely. We\u2019re not going to push them together anymore. We\u2019re going to allow them their space. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOn occasion, I might go out with child \u2018A\u2019 because I\u2019m trying to develop a relationship with him; but I\u2019m not going to spend 24\/7 with him because that\u2019s too much, too high heat. I\u2019m just going to be low heat. We\u2019re going to spend a little time together, and then we\u2019re going to back off. We\u2019re going to compartmentalize. We\u2019re going to give permission to our separateness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBut Ron, that means we\u2019re not a family! [Sounding emotional] If we\u2019re not a family, then I\u2019m feeling guilty.\u201d Yes; okay. You can wrestle with that guilt\u2014just don\u2019t let it control you because, if it controls you, then it\u2019s going to push you back into blendering and then you\u2019re blundering\u2014you with me? Okay! But relax a little bit. That is the strangest prescription anybody\u2014a lot of people go: \u201cOh! That just sounds so strange to me. We\u2019re trying to come together and you\u2019re telling us to relax.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s exactly right. If you cook with a crockpot, you have to relax a little bit. It\u2019s doing its thing\u2014it\u2019s just not fast. Do you trust the process? Let\u2019s think about it. Let\u2019s cook some stew. I want you guys to help me. What kind of ingredients are you throwing in your stew? [Audience response] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomatoes\u2014onions\u2014carrots\u2014celery\u2014potatoes\u2014we got that? Beef, thank you very much\u2014onions, and carrots, and potatoes, and beef, and broth, and pepper. We have to kick it up a notch. So you\u2019re with me; right? We\u2019re going to take these ingredients and put them in our crockpot. When you cook in a crockpot you just kind of dump it in; right? That\u2019s called a wedding! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019ve done\u2014is you have dropped them. As they happen to fall into the crockpot, on the day of the wedding\u2014the beef, and the broth, and the carrots are all on one side because they are all biologically-connected to one another\u2014they\u2019re all insiders\u2014they\u2019re all tight. They have the same last name, the same blood line, the same DNA. Then, over here, on this side of the crockpot, we have celery and we\u2019ve got\u2014what\u2019d I miss?\u2014the pepper and the potatoes over here. They have the same DNA and same last name. They have the same bloodline, and history, and loss story, and everything that ties them together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere they are. You put the lid on, you turn it on, and you walk away\u2014it\u2019s called a wedding. And here we begin to cook. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs it would be, those ingredients begin to soften over time. It usually takes a whole lot of time for that to even get some heat going. Then, you get a little momentum; and then, the ingredients begin to soften. Here\u2019s the really strange thing about this\u2014they soften on their own time. Carrots soften at a different pace than the potatoes, and the beef at a different pace than the broth. Everything is on its own time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was doing a seminar one time, and a couple came up to me at the break. She said: \u201cYou know what? I was talking to my husband. He\u2019s a chef; and he was saying, \u2018Ron\u2019s exactly right about that crockpot thing. You can\u2019t fool food.\u2019\u201d I looked at her and I said, \u201cWhat does that mean? I have no idea what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d And she said, \u201cYou can\u2019t make something cook faster than it\u2019s going to cook.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, as I like to call it, lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely. Everything else\u2014the couple has started this thing, and everything else is beginning to come together. But you have a carrot, who says, \u201cI don\u2019t think so!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat carrot sometimes is an ex-spouse, who is just a thorn in your family flesh. Sometimes, that carrot is a teenager\u2014just because. Sometimes, that carrot is a part-time child, who you get very little time with\u2014they\u2019re in for a weekend and then they\u2019re gone. Time doesn\u2019t really accumulate\u2014you kind of start, and stop, and start, and stop, and start over. It\u2019s a functional carrot\u2014it\u2019s not an attitude\u2014it\u2019s just time. It\u2019s not working. You have a carrot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, two or three different ingredients might be softening at a different pace. That can be frustrating because you\u2019re going, \u201cLook, we\u2019ve got lots going here; but we\u2019ve just got that thing there.\u201d Yes, and it is what it is. You <em>can\u2019t fool food<\/em>!\u00a0 You can\u2019t rush it \/ you can\u2019t force it. You can\u2019t demand it because, as soon as you go back into blendering\u2014high heat\u2014it tends to work against you. Trust the crockpot! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, in that environment of crockpotting, there are still some barriers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we were to just kind of chart this, let\u2019s talk about bonding in a stepfamily. In a first marriage situation, you have an individual who marries another individual; and they become a couple. Then, they have kids; and they become parents. They develop a relationship with those children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let\u2019s just push \u201cPause\u201d for a minute because this little equation here\u2014number one, it is God\u2019s design\u2014and there\u2019s a reason why it works best for adults and for kids. The first thing is\u2014the individuals come together, and they form the foundation to the home\u2014that is their couple-ness. That couple-ness precedes the children. So, the whole time the kids are growing up, there is this natural order to things\u2014that kids just know mom and dad came first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat does a whole lot to orient their world, as kids need. Number one, it says to them, \u201cThe world doesn\u2019t revolve around you.\u201d Every kid in the world needs to know that because, if they don\u2019t know that, then, they feel like they should be the center, and they should be able to make demands, and everybody should be able to follow them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing this does for kids is it teaches them their place in the world: \u201cYou\u2019re not the center. We\u2019re the authority.\u201d It sets up parenting to be successful. It\u2019s just the natural order. The other thing I would point out about this is that, naturally, kids are just as invested in their parents\u2019 marriage as the parents are. If you split up in this situation, the kids are fighting to get it back together again\u2014that\u2019s their world. Their security and safety is tied to that unity. So, they\u2019re equally invested in the success of the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what happens, after death or divorce, is that we\u2019ve essentially lost couple-ness. The foundation has kind of been pulled away. I think the first thing we have to do is just be honest and admit that there has been a trauma to the family system\u2014to the stability of the home. The foundation is gone. It\u2019s not cracked\u2014it\u2019s gone! Now, the whole unit has to kind of reorganize around <em>something<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, that tragedy is hard\u2014there\u2019s a loss there. There\u2019s just a sadness that runs deep. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been there, you\u2019ve experienced that. It runs deep in the kids. It\u2019s a part of life, from here on forward. It\u2019s a part of the story. So, there\u2019s that\u2014there\u2019s that sorrow and grief to deal with. But then, there\u2019s that reorienting around the relationships that are left. Usually, that reorients around the parent and the children; right? Kids, essentially, get promoted, in some ways, to being in a place of being more central in the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let\u2019s hang on to that because what happens, in the next season of life, is that we now add couple-ness on to the end of the equation. Immediately, you can begin to see how this begins to undercut a few things: Parenting\u2014\u201cHey, you weren\u2019t here. You ain\u2019t my dad.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re not my mom.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t have to do what you say. I was here <em>first<\/em>! As best as I can tell, my parent is more dedicated to me than they are to you\u2014so get over yourself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny time a kid has that sort of an argument in their hip pocket\u2014Wow! Are you in a tight spot, as a stepparent; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt undercuts parenting. It also creates a difficulty for the biological parent\u2014who has, obviously, fallen in love with somebody; and they\u2019re bringing this person into their inner world. They are kind of saying to the family: \u201cLook, they\u2019re the foundation with me. They\u2019re my partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut to do that means that they have to change their relationship again with their children. What do you do if the kids push back? What do you do with that feeling of guilt? What do you do with that feeling of, \u201cAhh, man, I\u2019m making life hard for them again,\u201d and, \u201cI didn\u2019t want them to have a tough life\u201d? You know how stressful it was for them to adjust to the death or the divorce; right? It takes kids longer to adjust to a new marriage than it did to the divorce. <em>Let me say that again<\/em>. It takes kids longer to adjust to their parent\u2019s new marriage than it did to their parent\u2019s divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see that and you want to keep peace and harmony and good things going in their life\u2014not bad things, not stressful things, not the guilt-induced stuff\u2014so there\u2019s this great tug-of-war on you, biological parents, to bring your spouse into status and, at the same time, attend to your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt makes this last thing a real challenge\u2014and that is putting the couple relationship back where it\u2019s supposed to be\u2014putting it back into a place of priority so that you, as a couple, can lead, and guide, and direct the home. Now, this makes sense when we say it out loud; but the practicality of that is where the rubber meets the road. That\u2019s where it really gets stressful. That\u2019s where you bio parents feel that pinch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of the guy who was sitting in a conference, just like this\u2014raised his hand about now\u2014and said, \u201cBoy, I really don\u2019t like what you\u2019re saying.\u201d I say: \u201cOkay; great. Talk to me.\u201d He goes: \u201cNo, no, no\u2014I like what you\u2019re saying. It\u2019s just not my life, but I wish it was.\u201d I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cOkay. I\u2019d never been married before. I didn\u2019t have any kids when I met my wife. She was one of those large and in-charge moms, like you\u2019ve been talking about.\u201d He said, \u201cShe had three children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBoy, she had it going on\u2014schedules\/routines\u2014she just kept it all going all the way through the single-parent years. She handled it masterfully. And here, we come together. Man! I just knew not to mess with Mom\u2019s routine; right?\u2014the style \/ the way she ran things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cAs a matter of fact, when they would get in a car, when she was a single-parent, she had this very elaborate system of determining who gets to ride in the front seat with Mom when they get in the car. It depended on whose turn it was, how far they were going, when was going to be the next go-round.\u201d He said, \u201cI was smart enough to know not to mess with that. So, I got in the back seat; and we went on with life.\u201d [Laughter] Then, he looks at me and he says, \u201cWe\u2019ve been married two-and-a-half years, and I still ride in the back seat of the car.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright; so let\u2019s talk through that for a minute; right? Something\u2019s wrong in this scenario. We have to try to figure out how to elevate his status to a place of priority; right? And let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. It\u2019s Monday morning. They\u2019re all riding in one car. They\u2019re going to drop off at school, and work, and on, and on, and on. They walk out into the driveway, and stepdad\u2014he is sick and tired of getting slapped in the face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStepdad says, \u201cHey, dude\u2014backseat.\u201d Now, my guess is any grown man can get a 10-year-old to ride in the backseat <em>once<\/em> because we all know where it\u2019s going from here; don\u2019t we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. What is Johnny going to do when he says, \u201cGet in the backseat\u201d? Little Johnny\u2019s going to look at his stepdad and go, \u201cMommmmy!\u201d He\u2019s going to come up with some GASS; right?\u2014G-A-S-S\u2014guilt trip, anger, silent treatment, or sadness. These are the tools that kids use against us. His GASS is going to be about a three or a four [Whining sounds]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAbout that time, he spots Mom, walking out the front door. Immediately: \u201cMommmm!\u201d\u2014<em>Here\u2019s my savior. She\u2019ll look after me. I know where I fit in this diagram<\/em>\u2014\u201cMom [whining sounds]!\u201d Now, if Mom just happens to be one of those paralyzed biological parents, who is easily overcome by the guilt, then she\u2019s probably going to go: \u201cWhat, backseat? [Emotion in voice] Oh, my baby,\u201d and look at her husband and say, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re the adult,\u201d you know? \u201cIt is his turn\u2014just one more time?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, talk to me! How\u2019s the husband going to feel, in that moment, if that\u2019s the answer he gets? [Audience response] Disrespected\u2014what else? Belittled, angry, belittled, angry, disrespected. Is this helping their marital combination? So, the parental issue quickly becomes \/ <em>always<\/em> becomes a marital combination and thickens blood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; but let\u2019s play it out. What if she\u2019s not paralyzed? What if she\u2019s going to embolden herself, as Mom, knowing that in this scenario\u2014this is going to be heartbreak for her little Johnny. It\u2019s not just heartbreak for Johnny\u2014we\u2019re changing the rules, for crying out loud. This is all they\u2019ve ever known. Of course, he\u2019s going to have GASS because he wants to ride in the front seat. That\u2019s what kids do\u2014shouldn\u2019t be surprised by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut this is a rule change. This is a shifting of authority in the family. This is significant! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what\u2019s going to happen if she finds the courage to go: \u201cAhhh, Dude! I\u2019m sorry. It is your turn. Get in the back\u201d? [Laughter] What\u2019s going to happen? The GASS scale\u2014the three just went to a nine point nine. He\u2019s going to pull out his little trump card, \u201cDad wouldn\u2019t make me do this!\u201d The GASS goes up. He throws a fit, [sound effects] gets in the car, <em>slams <\/em>the door. And he gets out, at school, and he <em>slams<\/em> the door, and he stomps in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s Mom\u2019s heart feeling? Guilt, and sadness, and sorrow for this kid because she realizes this is another change he didn\u2019t ask for. He didn\u2019t ask for this! He didn\u2019t ask for all those other changes\u2014we back up \/ down the loss story\u2014there\u2019s been a whole lot of stuff he didn\u2019t ask for. It\u2019s another thing! She can feel sorry for him, but she cannot afford to be paralyzed by that sorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I would want her to do is look at Johnny and go, \u201cAhh,\u201d\u2014okay? I want her to do two things\u2014compassion\u2014and I want her to, then, set the behavioral limit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCompassion: \u201cYou\u2019re right. It\u2019s your turn \/ it is your turn. I get it. I understand. However, I think it\u2019s time we changed this rule. You need to ride in the back. He\u2019s going to ride in the front. I\u2019m thinking about letting him drive, but I don\u2019t know\u2014[Laughter] \u2014one thing at a time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my favorite little hooks to give you, as a parent, when these change moments come is: \u201cI get it. This is hard for you. If I were you, I wouldn\u2019t like it either.\u201d Say that to your kids\u2014honestly, sincerely\u2014compassion\u2014\u201cThis is hard.\u201d And by the way, all you stepparents, who are sitting over here going: \u201cThat shouldn\u2019t be hard. You should just tell them, and they should just be happy to obey.\u201d [Laughter] Come on! You\u2019re not helping with that attitude. Be their companion in this change \/ not their critic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut functionally\u2014what it does is\u2014it moves your relationship to the right place\u2014to a powerful place that systematically, in the crockpot, then puts the stepparent into a place where they can actually be part of the parenting team; and your marriage strengthens the whole family. If you don\u2019t do this\u2014biological parents\u2014if you don\u2019t find that courage in those moments\u2014it is the equivalent of unplugging the crockpot\u2014no more heat \/ no more cooking. It\u2019s hard! It\u2019s risky! But there are rewards there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been listening today to Part Two of a message from Ron Deal, talking about the successful strategies couples can employ to blend a family. It is hard, and it is risky; but blended families, who come together, find there is great joy there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I was listening to Ron\u2014and Bob, I just wanted to pound the table because I am so glad that God brought Ron to FamilyLife and allows us the privilege of helping to address a <em>huge<\/em> number of marriages and families, across this nation, that are really hungry to know: \u201cHow you make this thing called a blended family go the distance?\u201d The blended family may have been caused by a death \/ may have been caused by divorce. The bottom line is the people who establish a new marriage and family don\u2019t get married to fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They get married to succeed, and they want to know how. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s what Ron has been writing about and trying to help folks with for more than two decades. The books that he\u2019s written \/ the resources he\u2019s created are all designed to help couples in a blended family be successful. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and see some of the books Ron has written. He has a DVD series on <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> \/ has a book by that same name\u2014other resources that are available. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information. If you know couples in your church, who would benefit from a book like this, or somebody at work that you could pass this book along to\u2014you might want to get this for them as a gift. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for information about <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> from Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this is something you have a heart for\u2014helping blended families thrive\u2014whether you\u2019re a counselor, or a pastor, or just a lay couple who really want to see blended marriages and families succeed, we want to invite you to join us September 29 and 30 in Colorado Springs. We\u2019re going to be on the campus of Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, together with our friends from Focus, hosting the 2016 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal\u2019s going to be there \/ Dennis and I will be there. Greg Smalley is there, representing Focus on the Family. We have other speakers coming in, and we\u2019d love to have you join us. This is our fourth annual event. It\u2019s already the biggest of these events that we\u2019ve ever hosted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we have more people signed up to come than ever before. We\u2019d love to have you be a part of the event. I should let you know that the special pricing that is currently available will be gone at the end of August. If you want to join us in Colorado Springs, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for information on The Summit on Stepfamily Ministry; or call with any questions you have at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, congratulations are in order today for our friends, Chris and Mary Herndon. The Herndons are celebrating their 26<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. They got married on this day in 1990. Chris is one of the vice presidents, here at FamilyLife. Mary has helped give leadership to a number of events that we have hosted over the years. We appreciate the Herndons a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful that they have come to be a part of what God is doing here at the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike the rest of us, they think anniversaries matter. We all believe that anniversaries are important. We think they are to be celebrated, and we want to thank those of you who join with us to help us provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope that FamilyLife seeks to provide every day so that more marriages will go the distance, more marriages will thrive, and more couples will celebrate more anniversaries. That\u2019s what it\u2019s all about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help support this ministry, it\u2019s easy to do. You can make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. Or mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. If you\u2019re able to help today with a donation of $100 or more, we\u2019d be happy to send you, as a thank-you gift, a set of three Bible studies from our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Connect Series that you can use with a small group or just use together as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, thanks for your support of this ministry, and be sure to ask for those Bible studies when you make your donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about the need for revival in our country. All revival begins in the same place\u2014when God\u2019s people pray. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth will be with us tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["42.69M"],"filesize_raw":["44765124"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304124.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304124.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Ron Deal breaks down the most common and vexing issues facing remarried couples, as he provides real solutions and keen insights into the complexities of remarriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If somebody offered you a bowl of beef stew and you had your choice of stew that had been cooked in a crockpot or stew that had been prepared in a blender, which would you pick? Ron Deal says, when it comes to blending families, the crockpot may be the better way to go; but there will still be some challenges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely. Everything else is beginning to come together; but you have a carrot who says, \u201cI don\u2019t think so!\u201d It is what it is, and you <em>can\u2019t fool food<\/em>. You can\u2019t rush it \/ you can\u2019t force it. You can\u2019t demand it because as soon as you go back into blendering\u2014high heat\u2014it tends to work against you. Trust the crockpot! Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, August 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf blending your family has been challenging, maybe you need a new device or a new recipe. We\u2019ll hear more from Ron Deal about that today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. Back for another day of the Ron Deal cooking program, as we\u2019re hearing about putting away the blender and getting out the crockpot if you\u2019re trying to cook a blended family. I mean, the whole point here is that a blender just chops everything to pieces. If you want it to work, you need something that\u2019s going to involve a slow process of everything coming together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And realize it\u2019s not going to happen immediately\u2014that a blended family, because of how it was formed\u2014and there\u2019s\u2014what\u2019d we say? \/ 67 different ways it\u2019s formed? Because of how it\u2019s formed, it\u2019s just going to take a lot of time, and prayer, and, I think, growth, spiritually, in both the husband and the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what Ron really challenges couples to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, here he is with Part Two of his workshop for blended families, recorded not long ago, in front of an audience of blended couples. Here\u2019s Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender \/ cook it with a crock pot. What\u2019s different about crockpots? They\u2019re <em>slow!<\/em> Do you ever come home, at the end of a workday, and go, \u201cLet\u2019s make something in the crockpot!\u201d? No, you don\u2019t! [Laughter] If you didn\u2019t do it before you left for work, you ain\u2019t having crockpot that night. You know what I\u2019m saying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s slow, and it works on low heat\u2014a very different cooking method than anything else\u2014very different than a blender, for sure\u2014than an oven and a microwave\u2014they are fast and high heat. This is slow and low heat. Low heat is: \u201cBe intentional about building togetherness \/ about becoming family. Be intentional about it.\u201d That\u2019s low heat. You have to have some heat or it doesn\u2019t cook; right? But the difference is it is low, as opposed to high-pressure heat that\u2019s on my time \/ in my way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s low heat\u2014time is just time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPatricia Papernow, in her research on stepfamilies, suggests it takes the average stepfamily between five and seven years to begin to answer the question, \u201cWho are we to one another?\u201d to find their family-ness, to find that sense of identity and define their relationships. That\u2019s normal! If you just heard that, some of you just went: \u201cDear God! What does that mean [crying]?\u201d At the same time, there\u2019s some hope in that because, for some of you\u2014you, who are going: \u201cMan, I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not going faster. I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not working. Why are we still struggling with some of this stuff? Why do we still have this stress? Why does that kid not like\u2026? Why do we do\u2026? How come you and I\u2026?\u201d Part of it is\u2014you\u2019re still cooking, for crying out loud. You\u2019re not supposed to be there yet. You\u2019re more normal than you thought!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the good news! But it does mean you have to continue to be intentional and be intentional in a <em>smart way<\/em>\u2014not necessarily just in this chaotic, kind of push- it-all-together way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what are a couple of tools to help you be smart\u2014that low-heat stuff? Patricia Papernow, again\u2014really good stuff here\u2014she talks about two ideas\u2014compartmentalization and middle ground. Now, these are not the only two ideas; but they are pretty significant cooking strategies, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMiddle ground is: \u201cWhat do you have in common? What do you like? What naturally brings you together?\u201d Middle ground can be <em>CSI<\/em> on Thursday nights. Middle ground can be football on Sunday afternoons. Middle ground can be going to church, as a family unit. That\u2019s a spiritual-thing, and you\u2019re investing in that; but it\u2019s also a family-ness cooking strategy. Whatever that natural connecting point is, you get really smart about doing it because that\u2019s part of your low heat. Find your middle ground and be intentional to keep doing it. Trust the clock because you can\u2019t rush the clock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCompartmentalization is where you just admit: \u201cHey, \u2018A\u2019 and \u2018B\u2019 are not really coming together nicely. We\u2019re not going to push them together anymore. We\u2019re going to allow them their space. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOn occasion, I might go out with child \u2018A\u2019 because I\u2019m trying to develop a relationship with him; but I\u2019m not going to spend 24\/7 with him because that\u2019s too much, too high heat. I\u2019m just going to be low heat. We\u2019re going to spend a little time together, and then we\u2019re going to back off. We\u2019re going to compartmentalize. We\u2019re going to give permission to our separateness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBut Ron, that means we\u2019re not a family! [Sounding emotional] If we\u2019re not a family, then I\u2019m feeling guilty.\u201d Yes; okay. You can wrestle with that guilt\u2014just don\u2019t let it control you because, if it controls you, then it\u2019s going to push you back into blendering and then you\u2019re blundering\u2014you with me? Okay! But relax a little bit. That is the strangest prescription anybody\u2014a lot of people go: \u201cOh! That just sounds so strange to me. We\u2019re trying to come together and you\u2019re telling us to relax.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s exactly right. If you cook with a crockpot, you have to relax a little bit. It\u2019s doing its thing\u2014it\u2019s just not fast. Do you trust the process? Let\u2019s think about it. Let\u2019s cook some stew. I want you guys to help me. What kind of ingredients are you throwing in your stew? [Audience response] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomatoes\u2014onions\u2014carrots\u2014celery\u2014potatoes\u2014we got that? Beef, thank you very much\u2014onions, and carrots, and potatoes, and beef, and broth, and pepper. We have to kick it up a notch. So you\u2019re with me; right? We\u2019re going to take these ingredients and put them in our crockpot. When you cook in a crockpot you just kind of dump it in; right? That\u2019s called a wedding! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019ve done\u2014is you have dropped them. As they happen to fall into the crockpot, on the day of the wedding\u2014the beef, and the broth, and the carrots are all on one side because they are all biologically-connected to one another\u2014they\u2019re all insiders\u2014they\u2019re all tight. They have the same last name, the same blood line, the same DNA. Then, over here, on this side of the crockpot, we have celery and we\u2019ve got\u2014what\u2019d I miss?\u2014the pepper and the potatoes over here. They have the same DNA and same last name. They have the same bloodline, and history, and loss story, and everything that ties them together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere they are. You put the lid on, you turn it on, and you walk away\u2014it\u2019s called a wedding. And here we begin to cook. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs it would be, those ingredients begin to soften over time. It usually takes a whole lot of time for that to even get some heat going. Then, you get a little momentum; and then, the ingredients begin to soften. Here\u2019s the really strange thing about this\u2014they soften on their own time. Carrots soften at a different pace than the potatoes, and the beef at a different pace than the broth. Everything is on its own time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was doing a seminar one time, and a couple came up to me at the break. She said: \u201cYou know what? I was talking to my husband. He\u2019s a chef; and he was saying, \u2018Ron\u2019s exactly right about that crockpot thing. You can\u2019t fool food.\u2019\u201d I looked at her and I said, \u201cWhat does that mean? I have no idea what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d And she said, \u201cYou can\u2019t make something cook faster than it\u2019s going to cook.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, as I like to call it, lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely. Everything else\u2014the couple has started this thing, and everything else is beginning to come together. But you have a carrot, who says, \u201cI don\u2019t think so!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat carrot sometimes is an ex-spouse, who is just a thorn in your family flesh. Sometimes, that carrot is a teenager\u2014just because. Sometimes, that carrot is a part-time child, who you get very little time with\u2014they\u2019re in for a weekend and then they\u2019re gone. Time doesn\u2019t really accumulate\u2014you kind of start, and stop, and start, and stop, and start over. It\u2019s a functional carrot\u2014it\u2019s not an attitude\u2014it\u2019s just time. It\u2019s not working. You have a carrot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, two or three different ingredients might be softening at a different pace. That can be frustrating because you\u2019re going, \u201cLook, we\u2019ve got lots going here; but we\u2019ve just got that thing there.\u201d Yes, and it is what it is. You <em>can\u2019t fool food<\/em>!\u00a0 You can\u2019t rush it \/ you can\u2019t force it. You can\u2019t demand it because, as soon as you go back into blendering\u2014high heat\u2014it tends to work against you. Trust the crockpot! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, in that environment of crockpotting, there are still some barriers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we were to just kind of chart this, let\u2019s talk about bonding in a stepfamily. In a first marriage situation, you have an individual who marries another individual; and they become a couple. Then, they have kids; and they become parents. They develop a relationship with those children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let\u2019s just push \u201cPause\u201d for a minute because this little equation here\u2014number one, it is God\u2019s design\u2014and there\u2019s a reason why it works best for adults and for kids. The first thing is\u2014the individuals come together, and they form the foundation to the home\u2014that is their couple-ness. That couple-ness precedes the children. So, the whole time the kids are growing up, there is this natural order to things\u2014that kids just know mom and dad came first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat does a whole lot to orient their world, as kids need. Number one, it says to them, \u201cThe world doesn\u2019t revolve around you.\u201d Every kid in the world needs to know that because, if they don\u2019t know that, then, they feel like they should be the center, and they should be able to make demands, and everybody should be able to follow them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing this does for kids is it teaches them their place in the world: \u201cYou\u2019re not the center. We\u2019re the authority.\u201d It sets up parenting to be successful. It\u2019s just the natural order. The other thing I would point out about this is that, naturally, kids are just as invested in their parents\u2019 marriage as the parents are. If you split up in this situation, the kids are fighting to get it back together again\u2014that\u2019s their world. Their security and safety is tied to that unity. So, they\u2019re equally invested in the success of the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what happens, after death or divorce, is that we\u2019ve essentially lost couple-ness. The foundation has kind of been pulled away. I think the first thing we have to do is just be honest and admit that there has been a trauma to the family system\u2014to the stability of the home. The foundation is gone. It\u2019s not cracked\u2014it\u2019s gone! Now, the whole unit has to kind of reorganize around <em>something<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, that tragedy is hard\u2014there\u2019s a loss there. There\u2019s just a sadness that runs deep. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been there, you\u2019ve experienced that. It runs deep in the kids. It\u2019s a part of life, from here on forward. It\u2019s a part of the story. So, there\u2019s that\u2014there\u2019s that sorrow and grief to deal with. But then, there\u2019s that reorienting around the relationships that are left. Usually, that reorients around the parent and the children; right? Kids, essentially, get promoted, in some ways, to being in a place of being more central in the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let\u2019s hang on to that because what happens, in the next season of life, is that we now add couple-ness on to the end of the equation. Immediately, you can begin to see how this begins to undercut a few things: Parenting\u2014\u201cHey, you weren\u2019t here. You ain\u2019t my dad.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re not my mom.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t have to do what you say. I was here <em>first<\/em>! As best as I can tell, my parent is more dedicated to me than they are to you\u2014so get over yourself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny time a kid has that sort of an argument in their hip pocket\u2014Wow! Are you in a tight spot, as a stepparent; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt undercuts parenting. It also creates a difficulty for the biological parent\u2014who has, obviously, fallen in love with somebody; and they\u2019re bringing this person into their inner world. They are kind of saying to the family: \u201cLook, they\u2019re the foundation with me. They\u2019re my partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut to do that means that they have to change their relationship again with their children. What do you do if the kids push back? What do you do with that feeling of guilt? What do you do with that feeling of, \u201cAhh, man, I\u2019m making life hard for them again,\u201d and, \u201cI didn\u2019t want them to have a tough life\u201d? You know how stressful it was for them to adjust to the death or the divorce; right? It takes kids longer to adjust to a new marriage than it did to the divorce. <em>Let me say that again<\/em>. It takes kids longer to adjust to their parent\u2019s new marriage than it did to their parent\u2019s divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see that and you want to keep peace and harmony and good things going in their life\u2014not bad things, not stressful things, not the guilt-induced stuff\u2014so there\u2019s this great tug-of-war on you, biological parents, to bring your spouse into status and, at the same time, attend to your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt makes this last thing a real challenge\u2014and that is putting the couple relationship back where it\u2019s supposed to be\u2014putting it back into a place of priority so that you, as a couple, can lead, and guide, and direct the home. Now, this makes sense when we say it out loud; but the practicality of that is where the rubber meets the road. That\u2019s where it really gets stressful. That\u2019s where you bio parents feel that pinch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of the guy who was sitting in a conference, just like this\u2014raised his hand about now\u2014and said, \u201cBoy, I really don\u2019t like what you\u2019re saying.\u201d I say: \u201cOkay; great. Talk to me.\u201d He goes: \u201cNo, no, no\u2014I like what you\u2019re saying. It\u2019s just not my life, but I wish it was.\u201d I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cOkay. I\u2019d never been married before. I didn\u2019t have any kids when I met my wife. She was one of those large and in-charge moms, like you\u2019ve been talking about.\u201d He said, \u201cShe had three children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBoy, she had it going on\u2014schedules\/routines\u2014she just kept it all going all the way through the single-parent years. She handled it masterfully. And here, we come together. Man! I just knew not to mess with Mom\u2019s routine; right?\u2014the style \/ the way she ran things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cAs a matter of fact, when they would get in a car, when she was a single-parent, she had this very elaborate system of determining who gets to ride in the front seat with Mom when they get in the car. It depended on whose turn it was, how far they were going, when was going to be the next go-round.\u201d He said, \u201cI was smart enough to know not to mess with that. So, I got in the back seat; and we went on with life.\u201d [Laughter] Then, he looks at me and he says, \u201cWe\u2019ve been married two-and-a-half years, and I still ride in the back seat of the car.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright; so let\u2019s talk through that for a minute; right? Something\u2019s wrong in this scenario. We have to try to figure out how to elevate his status to a place of priority; right? And let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. It\u2019s Monday morning. They\u2019re all riding in one car. They\u2019re going to drop off at school, and work, and on, and on, and on. They walk out into the driveway, and stepdad\u2014he is sick and tired of getting slapped in the face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStepdad says, \u201cHey, dude\u2014backseat.\u201d Now, my guess is any grown man can get a 10-year-old to ride in the backseat <em>once<\/em> because we all know where it\u2019s going from here; don\u2019t we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. What is Johnny going to do when he says, \u201cGet in the backseat\u201d? Little Johnny\u2019s going to look at his stepdad and go, \u201cMommmmy!\u201d He\u2019s going to come up with some GASS; right?\u2014G-A-S-S\u2014guilt trip, anger, silent treatment, or sadness. These are the tools that kids use against us. His GASS is going to be about a three or a four [Whining sounds]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAbout that time, he spots Mom, walking out the front door. Immediately: \u201cMommmm!\u201d\u2014<em>Here\u2019s my savior. She\u2019ll look after me. I know where I fit in this diagram<\/em>\u2014\u201cMom [whining sounds]!\u201d Now, if Mom just happens to be one of those paralyzed biological parents, who is easily overcome by the guilt, then she\u2019s probably going to go: \u201cWhat, backseat? [Emotion in voice] Oh, my baby,\u201d and look at her husband and say, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re the adult,\u201d you know? \u201cIt is his turn\u2014just one more time?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, talk to me! How\u2019s the husband going to feel, in that moment, if that\u2019s the answer he gets? [Audience response] Disrespected\u2014what else? Belittled, angry, belittled, angry, disrespected. Is this helping their marital combination? So, the parental issue quickly becomes \/ <em>always<\/em> becomes a marital combination and thickens blood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; but let\u2019s play it out. What if she\u2019s not paralyzed? What if she\u2019s going to embolden herself, as Mom, knowing that in this scenario\u2014this is going to be heartbreak for her little Johnny. It\u2019s not just heartbreak for Johnny\u2014we\u2019re changing the rules, for crying out loud. This is all they\u2019ve ever known. Of course, he\u2019s going to have GASS because he wants to ride in the front seat. That\u2019s what kids do\u2014shouldn\u2019t be surprised by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut this is a rule change. This is a shifting of authority in the family. This is significant! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what\u2019s going to happen if she finds the courage to go: \u201cAhhh, Dude! I\u2019m sorry. It is your turn. Get in the back\u201d? [Laughter] What\u2019s going to happen? The GASS scale\u2014the three just went to a nine point nine. He\u2019s going to pull out his little trump card, \u201cDad wouldn\u2019t make me do this!\u201d The GASS goes up. He throws a fit, [sound effects] gets in the car, <em>slams <\/em>the door. And he gets out, at school, and he <em>slams<\/em> the door, and he stomps in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s Mom\u2019s heart feeling? Guilt, and sadness, and sorrow for this kid because she realizes this is another change he didn\u2019t ask for. He didn\u2019t ask for this! He didn\u2019t ask for all those other changes\u2014we back up \/ down the loss story\u2014there\u2019s been a whole lot of stuff he didn\u2019t ask for. It\u2019s another thing! She can feel sorry for him, but she cannot afford to be paralyzed by that sorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I would want her to do is look at Johnny and go, \u201cAhh,\u201d\u2014okay? I want her to do two things\u2014compassion\u2014and I want her to, then, set the behavioral limit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCompassion: \u201cYou\u2019re right. It\u2019s your turn \/ it is your turn. I get it. I understand. However, I think it\u2019s time we changed this rule. You need to ride in the back. He\u2019s going to ride in the front. I\u2019m thinking about letting him drive, but I don\u2019t know\u2014[Laughter] \u2014one thing at a time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my favorite little hooks to give you, as a parent, when these change moments come is: \u201cI get it. This is hard for you. If I were you, I wouldn\u2019t like it either.\u201d Say that to your kids\u2014honestly, sincerely\u2014compassion\u2014\u201cThis is hard.\u201d And by the way, all you stepparents, who are sitting over here going: \u201cThat shouldn\u2019t be hard. You should just tell them, and they should just be happy to obey.\u201d [Laughter] Come on! You\u2019re not helping with that attitude. Be their companion in this change \/ not their critic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut functionally\u2014what it does is\u2014it moves your relationship to the right place\u2014to a powerful place that systematically, in the crockpot, then puts the stepparent into a place where they can actually be part of the parenting team; and your marriage strengthens the whole family. If you don\u2019t do this\u2014biological parents\u2014if you don\u2019t find that courage in those moments\u2014it is the equivalent of unplugging the crockpot\u2014no more heat \/ no more cooking. It\u2019s hard! It\u2019s risky! But there are rewards there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been listening today to Part Two of a message from Ron Deal, talking about the successful strategies couples can employ to blend a family. It is hard, and it is risky; but blended families, who come together, find there is great joy there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I was listening to Ron\u2014and Bob, I just wanted to pound the table because I am so glad that God brought Ron to FamilyLife and allows us the privilege of helping to address a <em>huge<\/em> number of marriages and families, across this nation, that are really hungry to know: \u201cHow you make this thing called a blended family go the distance?\u201d The blended family may have been caused by a death \/ may have been caused by divorce. The bottom line is the people who establish a new marriage and family don\u2019t get married to fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They get married to succeed, and they want to know how. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s what Ron has been writing about and trying to help folks with for more than two decades. The books that he\u2019s written \/ the resources he\u2019s created are all designed to help couples in a blended family be successful. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and see some of the books Ron has written. He has a DVD series on <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> \/ has a book by that same name\u2014other resources that are available. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information. If you know couples in your church, who would benefit from a book like this, or somebody at work that you could pass this book along to\u2014you might want to get this for them as a gift. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for information about <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> from Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this is something you have a heart for\u2014helping blended families thrive\u2014whether you\u2019re a counselor, or a pastor, or just a lay couple who really want to see blended marriages and families succeed, we want to invite you to join us September 29 and 30 in Colorado Springs. We\u2019re going to be on the campus of Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, together with our friends from Focus, hosting the 2016 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal\u2019s going to be there \/ Dennis and I will be there. Greg Smalley is there, representing Focus on the Family. We have other speakers coming in, and we\u2019d love to have you join us. This is our fourth annual event. It\u2019s already the biggest of these events that we\u2019ve ever hosted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we have more people signed up to come than ever before. We\u2019d love to have you be a part of the event. I should let you know that the special pricing that is currently available will be gone at the end of August. If you want to join us in Colorado Springs, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for information on The Summit on Stepfamily Ministry; or call with any questions you have at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, congratulations are in order today for our friends, Chris and Mary Herndon. The Herndons are celebrating their 26<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. They got married on this day in 1990. Chris is one of the vice presidents, here at FamilyLife. Mary has helped give leadership to a number of events that we have hosted over the years. We appreciate the Herndons a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful that they have come to be a part of what God is doing here at the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike the rest of us, they think anniversaries matter. We all believe that anniversaries are important. We think they are to be celebrated, and we want to thank those of you who join with us to help us provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope that FamilyLife seeks to provide every day so that more marriages will go the distance, more marriages will thrive, and more couples will celebrate more anniversaries. That\u2019s what it\u2019s all about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help support this ministry, it\u2019s easy to do. You can make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. Or mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. If you\u2019re able to help today with a donation of $100 or more, we\u2019d be happy to send you, as a thank-you gift, a set of three Bible studies from our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Connect Series that you can use with a small group or just use together as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, thanks for your support of this ministry, and be sure to ask for those Bible studies when you make your donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about the need for revival in our country. All revival begins in the same place\u2014when God\u2019s people pray. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth will be with us tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304124","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304124"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304124"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304124"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304124"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}