{"id":304122,"date":"2016-08-10T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-08-10T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/blended-families-a-different-ocean\/"},"modified":"2016-08-10T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-08-10T15:00:00","slug":"blended-families-a-different-ocean","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blended-families-a-different-ocean\/","title":{"rendered":"Blended Families: A Different Ocean"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When it comes to the issues of marriage, according to blended family expert Ron Deal, remarried couples sail in a completely different ocean.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-10.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"34.61M","filesize_raw":"36296445","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2936,2937],"tags":[2585,4033,2732],"podcast_series":[7955],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304122","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-remarriage","category-staying-married","tag-blended-family","tag-divorce","tag-remarriage","podcast_series-stepfamily-blender-or-crockpot","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304122\/blended-families-a-different-ocean","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304122\/blended-families-a-different-ocean","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"W419GoB7MY\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blended-families-a-different-ocean\/\">Blended Families: A Different Ocean<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blended-families-a-different-ocean\/embed\/#?secret=W419GoB7MY\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Blended Families: A Different Ocean&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"W419GoB7MY\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-10.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-10.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When two families come together to form a blended family, Ron Deal says the mom and the dad need to relax\u2014slow down a bit. He says, \u201cMost parents are trying to push too hard too fast.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cWe\u2019ve got to cook this thing! We\u2019ve got to get these people to like each other! We\u2019ve got to be family to one another. So, we\u2019ll orchestrate, in our timing, as adults, when the kids are going to be happy.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s really funny when you say it out loud; isn\u2019t it? And so, it goes into push, and demand, and shove, and orchestrate. It\u2019s all about our needs and not feeling guilty anymore. I get it! I know what you are after. The goal is not the issue \/ the goal is fine! Familyness is the goal\u2014that\u2019s great! But the strategy might not get you there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll hear some wise counsel today from Ron Deal about how families can come together without getting chopped up in a blender. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We have said many times here that in marriage there is a degree of difficulty as a husband and wife try to blend their differences to form oneness in a marriage relationship. If you\u2019re in a blended marriage, that degree of difficult gets harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s why having someone like Ron Deal, who can help you with the challenges\u2014that improves the odds of you winding up with a healthy, strong, blended marriage or family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ron Deal heads up our Blended Family Initiative. Bob, there\u2019s nobody better, in the country, to give a biblical approach to a blended family. It is the fastest-growing form of marriage and family today. We have to be addressing it with good, sound wisdom; and Ron\u2019s got it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re going to get some <em>excellent<\/em> advice and counsel for how you take a blended family and make that marriage strong in the midst of the swirl and everything that\u2019s taking place around that marriage. There are a lot of things that really are out\u2014it seems almost\u2014to defeat the marriage in the midst of trying to build stability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; Ron often talks about the fact that his goal, in what he\u2019s doing, is really to help the children of blended families have a strong, healthy family environment because he knows what the statistics say. If he can get mom and dad\u2014in a blended marriage\u2014to have a strong, healthy marriage, it\u2019s the best predictor of what\u2019s going to happen with those kids in the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we\u2019re going to hear today is Part One of a workshop that Ron Deal did recently, talking to an audience of couples who are in a blended marriage, and talking about some of the real challenges that come with trying to blend your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>If you know anybody who\u2019s dating or somebody who is dating a single parent\u2014and it may be still in the dating\/courtship trying-to-make-decisions phase\u2014I want to give you some wisdom from my youngest son, Brennan. He\u2019s now 14; but when he was 9 years old, he sat down with a friend of his one day. They came up with three ways to get a girl. Now, I\u2019m telling you folks\u2014this is <em>phenomenal<\/em> stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, here you go: \u201cIf you want to get a girl, you\u2019ve got to be yourself\u2014don\u2019t burp\u2014just be yourself.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd all the ladies said\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ladies: <\/strong>Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Amen; right? Number two: \u201cIf you want to get a girl, don\u2019t chew gum in front of her. You\u2019ll be talking like, \u2018Hi,\u2019\u2014smack, smack\u2014\u201cdo you want to\u201d\u2014smack, smack\u2014\u201cgo out?\u201d\u2014smack, smack. And she will say, \u201cNo way, loser!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the number three way to get a girl is: \u201cDo not give her a wedgie.\u201d[Laughter] Now, the good news about this advice is that this works before the wedding and after; alright?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you are already married, you can keep this up. You\u2019re thinking: \u201cOkay, that\u2019s great. Is this as good as it gets?\u201d Okay, let\u2019s put this into adult-speak for just a minute. Let\u2019s just see if we can learn something from it; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to get a girl, you\u2019ve got to be attractive. You\u2019ve got to be kind. You don\u2019t want to stink! You know what I\u2019m talking about? You don\u2019t want to do things that make the other person just kind of not want to be around you. Well, that works beforehand; and it kind of works after the wedding too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let\u2019s put number two into adult-speak. If you want to get a girl, communicate and connect. You\u2019ve really got to understand each other. You\u2019ve got to figure out how to bridge those differences between who we are\u2014as male\/female, person and person, style and style, interests and interests. There are a whole lot of things we have to work towards to find each other; right? Learn how to connect. And you have to continually work on connecting well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about the number three? Do you think we can put that into adult-speak? No, we can\u2019t. Just don\u2019t give her a wedgie; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s been four years now; but the Super Bowl commercial from Doritos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, a few years ago, went viral. Do you remember that one? \u201cKeep your hands off my mama; keep your hands off my Doritos!\u201d We learned something really quickly\u2014this is not the same kind of family as a biological family. Think about it! This guy is coming on the scene, and he doesn\u2019t have a place \/ he doesn\u2019t have a position. He <em>doesn\u2019t belong<\/em> <em>there<\/em>, and the kid <em>does<\/em>. The kid <em>knows it<\/em>! And the kid claims territory\u2014that belongs to the child\u2014that does not belong to the adult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if this guy, actually, enters this woman\u2019s life and becomes a part of this family situation, how is he going to be a parent? How is he going to have authority? How\u2019s he going to connect? How\u2019s he going to have a position of leadership? How\u2019s he going to step up in this kid\u2019s life\u2014in this climate \/ in this environment\u2014when he hasn\u2019t been invited in by the child? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe might get invited in by the woman\u2014but to be invited in by the child\u2014are two <em>separate<\/em> processes\u2014two emotional, relational, different processes. In the book, <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>, I call it the difference between coupleness and familyness. Coupleness is one thing. Familyness is a whole other thing. And so, we\u2019ve got to figure out how to manage both of those dynamics in becoming stepfamily smart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s just kind of do a couple of case studies in stepfamily complexity so you can begin to understand. As you\u2019re watching this, just think a little bit about your complexity. Your story is going to be a little bit different than this, but this will give an illustration; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you about Susie and John. They lived in one part of the universe, and they got married. They had three kids: Mary, Mike, and John, Jr.; but as life would have it, Susie and John divorced. In another part of the universe are Bob and Betty. They, too, got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey, too, had two kids: Ted and Carrie; and they, too, divorced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSince that time, Betty has remarried Frank. Bob has remarried Susie. Now, when Susie married Bob, she knew she was getting a mother-in-law and father-in-law. That\u2019s what you get when you get married to somebody, but she had no clue that she was also getting an ex-wife-in-law\u2014an ex-wife-in-law? \u201cWell, what do you mean by that?\u201d Well, you know, Bob\u2019s ex-wife, Betty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWait a minute,\u201d Susie says, \u201cRon, are you telling me Betty is a part of our family?\u201d Well, I know she doesn\u2019t come over and help clean up after dinner or she doesn\u2019t donate any of her money to pay your bills\u2014I get that\u2014but, oh, yes, she is a part of your family. All she has to do is pick up the phone and call Bob, and the weekend schedule changes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, Susie has to, now, deal with the fact that her life is being controlled, or scheduled, and so on by another woman; but here\u2019s the little back story I need to tell you about Susie. You see, she\u2019s one of those large and in-charge moms that gets it all done; alright? She\u2019s got the schedules. She\u2019s got the kids\u2019 routines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s got this going and that going. She\u2019s aware of what\u2019s going on with the kids emotionally, and she\u2019s on top of all of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Well, when she married Bob, one of the things she liked about him was he\u2019s pretty amenable. I mean, he kind of goes along and gets along\u2014right?\u2014especially, as it relates to the children. He\u2019s just kind of flexible that way. It\u2019s all good with him; but what she didn\u2019t realize is that her ex-wife-in-law, Betty, is also a large and in-charge mom. <br><br>So, now, what you can see in this new situation\u2014this new stepfamily, with three houses in it, and five different people trying to parent the five kids\u2014is that Susie and Betty are constantly in competition for Bob\u2019s affirmation, and Bob going along, and Bob saying, \u201cYes; that\u2019s good with me.\u201d Betty can pick up the phone, call her ex-husband, and ask him to change his schedule; and he\u2019s all good with that. But now, that he is married to Susie, who says: \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute. How is it that she gets to dictate our schedule?\u201d\u2014Bob finds himself stuck between two women, who are warring over his time, and his affections, and his saying, \u201cYes, Honey, I\u2019ll go along with that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSusie has primary custody of her three kids. They live with their mother and their stepdad. Every other weekend and six weeks in the summer, they are spending time with their dad, John. But Betty has primary custody of her two kids. They live with their mom and their stepdad. On occasion, Bob and Susie have all five. Can anybody spell the word, \u201ccomplexity\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, it\u2019s not just about what happens between Bob and Susie. It\u2019s about the ocean in which they swim. It\u2019s about all the undercurrents, and the sharks, and the reefs, and the stuff they have to watch out for and manage. That has as much impact on their coupleness as their sex life does, as their shared faith in God does, as how well they communicate and resolve conflict does. That\u2019s complex! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, basically, that\u2019s one stepfamily configuration. I hired a PhD in math, a few years ago, to go and figure out for me how many different stepfamily configurations there could be because I wasn\u2019t smart enough to figure it out myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you have somebody who was divorced and somebody was widowed\u2014or two people were widowed\u2014or neither one has been married before but one of them had a child out of wedlock\u2014or\u2014there are eight different types of couples in stepfamilies; right? Then, one brings a kid, or they both bring kids\u2014yours and mine\u2014or we have an \u201cours baby\u201d \/ a mutual child\u2014sometimes, we call it. You put all those configurations in the computer, and you get 67 different possible configurations; alright? This is <em>one<\/em>. Your story is going to be a little different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, whatever your story is\u2014you\u2019ve got to figure out complexity. You\u2019ve got to just step back for a minute, every once in a while, and go: \u201cOkay, Honey, it\u2019s you and me against <em>that<\/em>! Let\u2019s get in the same boat together in this ocean. Let\u2019s learn how to swim together in this ocean. But most importantly, how do you and I, Honey, as a team, deal with our complexity?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tComplexity brings stress, but here\u2019s the real kicker: \u201cStress thickens blood.\u201d What I mean by that is\u2014functionally, you\u2019re all kind of here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs the stress goes up, on the Susies and the Bobs, what they tend to do is to kind of\u2014Susie begins to look after her cubbies a little bit more. She begins to kind of divide lines\u2014like, \u201cMy kids and me over here,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m going\u2014I don\u2019t want to hurt them any more than they\u2019ve already been hurt. It\u2019s already been hard enough as it is.\u201d I get that. You don\u2019t want the kids to hurt anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when you begin to kind of resort to protectiveness, then, that means you are unwilling to connect, and do some agreement, and find some willingness to risk on behalf of the marriage. Then, sometimes, you are more protecting the kids than you are your relationship \/ your marriage. That thickens the bloodline. It thickens it over here, but it weakens it over there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, let\u2019s talk about how you cook a stepfamily. This is kind of an attitude and an approach to building relationships within your home, but it\u2019s really a long-term attitude. It really says, \u201cOkay, what does it take for us to kind of become family?\u201d See, you didn\u2019t necessarily know it; but the day you walk down the aisle, you answered one family question\u2014but you asked a second one that nobody had an answer for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, here\u2019s the first one you answered. When you walked down the aisle and got married, you answered for everybody, in attendance, and God\u2014you said: \u201cWe now are a couple. We\u2019re together. We are in covenant with one another. We\u2019re a couple.\u201d You <em>defined<\/em> the relationship\u2014husband and wife \u201c\u2018til death do us part.\u201d It\u2019s a really cool definition \/ everybody gets it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the question you created, in defining your coupleness. You raised a question for everybody else; and that was: \u201cOkay, now, all of you, that are connected to us\u2014you are now family. Now, figure that out.\u201d You didn\u2019t realize you were asking that question; but that\u2019s the question that really gets asked because your kid, or their kid, or both kids, or ex-spouses, or grandparents are all now going, \u201cOkay, so how do I relate to you?\u201d So, really, the question is: \u201cHow are we going to fit?\u201d and \u201cWhat way are we going to be family\u2014to what degree are we going to be family with one another?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou probably didn\u2019t realize it, but <em>you<\/em> went about\u2014you\u2019ve got a philosophy about how to cook this family, with all these different parts. When you say, \u201cHoney, why don\u2019t you take Johnny out and throw the football?\u201d that\u2019s a cooking strategy. What you are saying is: \u201cGo spend time together. Enjoy something together. You guys will bond and create relationship, and you\u2019ll become family.\u201d Now, that makes sense! That\u2019s what you want. That\u2019s your heart\u2019s desire. That\u2019s what we\u2019re after. There is nothing wrong with that goal! Please hear me. There is nothing wrong with the goal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut on occasion, the strategies\u2014the cooking strategies\u2014that we can use sometimes do more harm than they do good. For example, saying to kids, \u201cI know he\u2019s not your dad; but why don\u2019t you just call him \u2018Dad\u2019 anyway?\u201d That\u2019s a cooking strategy. I\u2019m going to lump that into the blender category; right? \u201cWe\u2019re going to be a blended family. We\u2019re going to use a blender to make this thing work.\u201d So, what happens when you put all the ingredients in a blender and you turn it on? You force them into relationship with one another. You take a whole lot of different ingredients and you cram them together with friction, and high heat, and stress. All of a sudden, they are one fluid mixture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs the joke goes, \u201cSomebody had to get creamed in the process.\u201d Usually, that\u2019s a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s do a little case study. This is the blendering with the emotional affections. You know\u2014how we all kind of have a relational style\u2014all families do. Let\u2019s just look at it on one little piece of how we do relationships. Let\u2019s think about the emotional continuum of closeness for a minute. On one end of this continuum, we have people that are super, super close together. You know, kind of the stereotypical New York Italian family, where everybody eats together all the time. If you have a birthday party, 80 cousins show up because that\u2019s what you do. Everybody is in one another\u2019s lives. You make mutual decisions with one another. You talk to six family members before you decide anything. They\u2019re very, very tight\u2014you with me? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>On the other end of this continuum are families that really value their alone time \/ their independent time. You grow up\u2014you kind of have your own household \/ your own life. You move away, and you stay in contact with your family; but man, it\u2019s all on <em>you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you make independent decisions. If somebody kind of suggests that you ought to do something, you are offended by that. You know, \u201cWhy are they getting in my space?\u201d\u2014you with me on that? It\u2019s not that these people don\u2019t love their family members\u2014they do! They just value their independence. It\u2019s a style; right? So, you\u2019ve got this continuum. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let\u2019s go back and talk a little bit about Susie and Bob for a minute. You see, Susie grew up in a family\u2014they do a whole lot of stuff together all the time\u2014every holiday \/ all the traditions. There is a togetherness message in everything that they do. Bob grew up in a family that, on this continuum, is about right here. They really value their independent time. So, here\u2019s their different styles; right? Then, they get married. What happens in their blendering? They make these assumptions about how they are going to become family to one another. Susie\u2014large and in-charge\u2014really has a high, high need for that to happen <em>fast<\/em>. Of course, she would because being together is a sign that things are okay; and that\u2019s what you want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Saturday morning comes; and it goes like this\u2014Susie walks in to Bob. He\u2019s shaving; and she says: \u201cListen, Honey, I just looked at the family calendar. You\u2019re not going to believe what I just saw.\u201d She says: \u201cIt\u2019s Saturday. All five kids are here with us, and we have <em>nothing<\/em> to do today.\u201d Bob says: \u201cReally? No soccer games, no church function, no\u2014I mean, we don\u2019t have to mow the yard?\u201d She says: \u201cNo, it\u2019s done. It\u2019s taken care of. Can you believe we have nothing to do all afternoon? I\u2019ve got an idea!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob goes, \u201cOh, no. Okay, what\u2019s your idea?\u201d She says, \u201cWell, I\u2019m thinking we ought to do something together today.\u201d Bob goes, \u201cOkay, Honey,\u201d\u2014remember\u2014go along \/ flexible; right?\u2014keep the peace: \u201cI\u2019ll go tell my kids. I\u2019ll go break the news.\u201d \u201cHey, guys, listen. Two o\u2019clock today, we\u2019re going to climb in the car. We\u2019re all going to go bowling.\u201d Ted goes: \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Dad. I can\u2019t go, Dad\u2014not me.\u201d \u201cNo, son, I\u2019m sorry. We\u2019re all going to go. So, be ready\u2014two o\u2019clock.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSusie goes and tells her kids: \u201cGuess what we\u2019re going to do today?! We\u2019re all going to go bowling!\u201d \u201cYay!\u201d Everybody is excited, thrilled, and happy. Two o\u2019clock comes. They pile into the minivan. They don\u2019t even get out of the driveway\u2014and you know what happens; right? Ted starts picking on the youngest\u2014\u201cHe\u2019s touching me! He\u2019s touching me!\u201d\u2014from the backseat of the car. Bob spins around: \u201cAlright; I don\u2019t want anybody touching anybody. We\u2019re having fun today! You\u2019re going to have fun whether you like it or not.\u201d That\u2019s what blenders do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey go to the bowling alley. It\u2019s\u2014and the whole day, it\u2019s just kind of this seething, below the surface; right? It\u2019s bubbling up. It\u2019s brewing and brewing. Most of it centers around Bob\u2019s oldest son, Ted, who is just kind of the antagonist in the home, at that point in time. He\u2019s a teenager, and he\u2019s just kind of got the attitude-thing going on. And Susie, over there, going, \u201cIf my husband would just take care of business with that boy, we\u2019d be having fun; and we\u2019d be happy right now. But no, he\u2019s just talking to him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Susie, who\u2019s never had a 17-year-old son, knows exactly what Bob ought to be doing to fix this situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s been seething below the surface until it breaks through the emotional ceiling, which is that place where Susie can\u2019t stand it no more! She runs over to her husband and says: \u201cThat\u2019s it! I\u2019m sick and tired of this! You need to settle him!\u201d \u201cI am trying to settle.\u201d \u201cNo, you\u2019re not because if you were taking care of\u201d\u2014[sobbing incoherently]. Then, she turns on Ted. Ted\u2019s going: \u201cWhatever! Get out of my face. You\u2019re not my mom!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I would suggest\u2014there is a whole lot going on in this scenario\u2014but what\u2019s pushing it \/ what\u2019s driving it?\u2014the fuel that\u2019s in the tank is this blender assumption that says: \u201cWe have to make it happen now! We\u2019ve got to cook this thing! We\u2019ve got to get these people to like each other. We\u2019ve got to be family to one another. So, we\u2019ll orchestrate, in our timing, as adults, when the kids are going to be happy.\u201d[Laughter] That\u2019s really funny when you say it out loud; isn\u2019t it? So, it goes into push, and demand, and shove, and orchestrate. It\u2019s all about our need to not feel guilty anymore. <br><br>I know what you are after. The goal is not the issue \/ the goal is fine! Familyness is the goal\u2014that\u2019s great! But the strategy might not get you there.\u201d [Sobbing] \u201cBut Ron, that means we\u2019re not a family. If we\u2019re not a family, then, I\u2019m feeling guilty.\u201d Yes. You can wrestle with that guilt\u2014just don\u2019t let it control you because if it controls you, then, it\u2019s going to push you back into blendering \/ then, you\u2019re blundering\u2014you with me? Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to what not to do today as Ron Deal has been talking about the blended family situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You remember how many different forms of blended families there were? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I think he said it was 67. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I mean, they come about in so many different ways. It\u2019s not like there can be an equation that is easily applied to all these different situations. And it\u2019s why a couple\u2014I\u2019m telling you\u2014if they don\u2019t have a good, vibrant faith in Jesus Christ, and in the Scriptures, and tied into a local church, and growing, as a couple, spiritually, they\u2019re not going to be able to take the raw components of their relationship and end up really being able to honor God with it. They are going to fall prey to their circumstances\u2014to the blending. As Ron just said, that\u2019s not what we need. We need a crockpot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, this is something that Ron has written on extensively. He has a book and a DVD series called <em>The Smart Stepfamily.<\/em> He has a book for kids called <em>Life in a Blender<\/em>, along with books for stepdads and stepmoms. If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, you\u2019ll see the resources Ron has created. I would just encourage you\u2014if you\u2019re in a blended family, there\u2019s a way to make this work and make it work better, but you need to get some help. You need to get some coaching from a guy like Ron Deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out the resources that are available at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for blended families. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the resources we have available for blended families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, think about joining us in September, out in Colorado Springs. September 29 and 30, we\u2019re going to be on the campus of Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> as we join together with our friends at Focus for a two-day Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. Ron Deal\u2019s going to be there, Greg Smalley; Dennis and I are going to be there, along with a number of other speakers, as we talk about how you can help blended families in your church \/ in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a counselor or a pastor, or just a person with a heart to help blended families, come on out and join us for a couple of days as we gather together some of the best thinking on this subject in The Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. Find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, today is a big silver day for our friends, Jim and Cheryl Holmquist\u201425 years of marriage for the Holmquists. They got married on this day in 1991. Jim works here at FamilyLife; he\u2019s one of the guys who helps make our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways happen for couples all across the country. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Holmquists as they celebrate their 25<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries matter. We\u2019re the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, all that we do is designed to help provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope you need so that your marriage \/ your family can thrive, and you can enjoy many more anniversaries for years to come. That goes for folks in blended families too. We want to make sure the marriage you\u2019re in today is the marriage that you go all the way to the finish line with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to thank those of you who help support this ministry and make it possible for us to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We appreciate your partnership\u2014couldn\u2019t do it without you. In fact, if you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a set of three Bible studies. These are a part of our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Connect Series. These studies are designed to be used in a small group setting, or a husband and a wife can go through these on their own. These three studies are yours when you\u2019re able to help FamilyLife with a donation of $100 or more. You can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from Ron Deal about how important it is to blend your family slowly and <em>take<\/em> <em>time<\/em>. We\u2019ll hear more about that tomorrow. Hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["34.61M"],"filesize_raw":["36296445"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304122.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304122.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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it comes to the issues of marriage, according to blended family expert Ron Deal, remarried couples sail in a completely different ocean.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When two families come together to form a blended family, Ron Deal says the mom and the dad need to relax\u2014slow down a bit. He says, \u201cMost parents are trying to push too hard too fast.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cWe\u2019ve got to cook this thing! We\u2019ve got to get these people to like each other! We\u2019ve got to be family to one another. So, we\u2019ll orchestrate, in our timing, as adults, when the kids are going to be happy.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s really funny when you say it out loud; isn\u2019t it? And so, it goes into push, and demand, and shove, and orchestrate. It\u2019s all about our needs and not feeling guilty anymore. I get it! I know what you are after. The goal is not the issue \/ the goal is fine! Familyness is the goal\u2014that\u2019s great! But the strategy might not get you there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll hear some wise counsel today from Ron Deal about how families can come together without getting chopped up in a blender. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We have said many times here that in marriage there is a degree of difficulty as a husband and wife try to blend their differences to form oneness in a marriage relationship. If you\u2019re in a blended marriage, that degree of difficult gets harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s why having someone like Ron Deal, who can help you with the challenges\u2014that improves the odds of you winding up with a healthy, strong, blended marriage or family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ron Deal heads up our Blended Family Initiative. Bob, there\u2019s nobody better, in the country, to give a biblical approach to a blended family. It is the fastest-growing form of marriage and family today. We have to be addressing it with good, sound wisdom; and Ron\u2019s got it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re going to get some <em>excellent<\/em> advice and counsel for how you take a blended family and make that marriage strong in the midst of the swirl and everything that\u2019s taking place around that marriage. There are a lot of things that really are out\u2014it seems almost\u2014to defeat the marriage in the midst of trying to build stability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; Ron often talks about the fact that his goal, in what he\u2019s doing, is really to help the children of blended families have a strong, healthy family environment because he knows what the statistics say. If he can get mom and dad\u2014in a blended marriage\u2014to have a strong, healthy marriage, it\u2019s the best predictor of what\u2019s going to happen with those kids in the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we\u2019re going to hear today is Part One of a workshop that Ron Deal did recently, talking to an audience of couples who are in a blended marriage, and talking about some of the real challenges that come with trying to blend your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>If you know anybody who\u2019s dating or somebody who is dating a single parent\u2014and it may be still in the dating\/courtship trying-to-make-decisions phase\u2014I want to give you some wisdom from my youngest son, Brennan. He\u2019s now 14; but when he was 9 years old, he sat down with a friend of his one day. They came up with three ways to get a girl. Now, I\u2019m telling you folks\u2014this is <em>phenomenal<\/em> stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, here you go: \u201cIf you want to get a girl, you\u2019ve got to be yourself\u2014don\u2019t burp\u2014just be yourself.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd all the ladies said\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ladies: <\/strong>Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Amen; right? Number two: \u201cIf you want to get a girl, don\u2019t chew gum in front of her. You\u2019ll be talking like, \u2018Hi,\u2019\u2014smack, smack\u2014\u201cdo you want to\u201d\u2014smack, smack\u2014\u201cgo out?\u201d\u2014smack, smack. And she will say, \u201cNo way, loser!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the number three way to get a girl is: \u201cDo not give her a wedgie.\u201d[Laughter] Now, the good news about this advice is that this works before the wedding and after; alright?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you are already married, you can keep this up. You\u2019re thinking: \u201cOkay, that\u2019s great. Is this as good as it gets?\u201d Okay, let\u2019s put this into adult-speak for just a minute. Let\u2019s just see if we can learn something from it; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to get a girl, you\u2019ve got to be attractive. You\u2019ve got to be kind. You don\u2019t want to stink! You know what I\u2019m talking about? You don\u2019t want to do things that make the other person just kind of not want to be around you. Well, that works beforehand; and it kind of works after the wedding too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let\u2019s put number two into adult-speak. If you want to get a girl, communicate and connect. You\u2019ve really got to understand each other. You\u2019ve got to figure out how to bridge those differences between who we are\u2014as male\/female, person and person, style and style, interests and interests. There are a whole lot of things we have to work towards to find each other; right? Learn how to connect. And you have to continually work on connecting well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about the number three? Do you think we can put that into adult-speak? No, we can\u2019t. Just don\u2019t give her a wedgie; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s been four years now; but the Super Bowl commercial from Doritos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, a few years ago, went viral. Do you remember that one? \u201cKeep your hands off my mama; keep your hands off my Doritos!\u201d We learned something really quickly\u2014this is not the same kind of family as a biological family. Think about it! This guy is coming on the scene, and he doesn\u2019t have a place \/ he doesn\u2019t have a position. He <em>doesn\u2019t belong<\/em> <em>there<\/em>, and the kid <em>does<\/em>. The kid <em>knows it<\/em>! And the kid claims territory\u2014that belongs to the child\u2014that does not belong to the adult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if this guy, actually, enters this woman\u2019s life and becomes a part of this family situation, how is he going to be a parent? How is he going to have authority? How\u2019s he going to connect? How\u2019s he going to have a position of leadership? How\u2019s he going to step up in this kid\u2019s life\u2014in this climate \/ in this environment\u2014when he hasn\u2019t been invited in by the child? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe might get invited in by the woman\u2014but to be invited in by the child\u2014are two <em>separate<\/em> processes\u2014two emotional, relational, different processes. In the book, <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>, I call it the difference between coupleness and familyness. Coupleness is one thing. Familyness is a whole other thing. And so, we\u2019ve got to figure out how to manage both of those dynamics in becoming stepfamily smart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s just kind of do a couple of case studies in stepfamily complexity so you can begin to understand. As you\u2019re watching this, just think a little bit about your complexity. Your story is going to be a little bit different than this, but this will give an illustration; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you about Susie and John. They lived in one part of the universe, and they got married. They had three kids: Mary, Mike, and John, Jr.; but as life would have it, Susie and John divorced. In another part of the universe are Bob and Betty. They, too, got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey, too, had two kids: Ted and Carrie; and they, too, divorced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSince that time, Betty has remarried Frank. Bob has remarried Susie. Now, when Susie married Bob, she knew she was getting a mother-in-law and father-in-law. That\u2019s what you get when you get married to somebody, but she had no clue that she was also getting an ex-wife-in-law\u2014an ex-wife-in-law? \u201cWell, what do you mean by that?\u201d Well, you know, Bob\u2019s ex-wife, Betty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWait a minute,\u201d Susie says, \u201cRon, are you telling me Betty is a part of our family?\u201d Well, I know she doesn\u2019t come over and help clean up after dinner or she doesn\u2019t donate any of her money to pay your bills\u2014I get that\u2014but, oh, yes, she is a part of your family. All she has to do is pick up the phone and call Bob, and the weekend schedule changes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, Susie has to, now, deal with the fact that her life is being controlled, or scheduled, and so on by another woman; but here\u2019s the little back story I need to tell you about Susie. You see, she\u2019s one of those large and in-charge moms that gets it all done; alright? She\u2019s got the schedules. She\u2019s got the kids\u2019 routines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s got this going and that going. She\u2019s aware of what\u2019s going on with the kids emotionally, and she\u2019s on top of all of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Well, when she married Bob, one of the things she liked about him was he\u2019s pretty amenable. I mean, he kind of goes along and gets along\u2014right?\u2014especially, as it relates to the children. He\u2019s just kind of flexible that way. It\u2019s all good with him; but what she didn\u2019t realize is that her ex-wife-in-law, Betty, is also a large and in-charge mom. <br><br>So, now, what you can see in this new situation\u2014this new stepfamily, with three houses in it, and five different people trying to parent the five kids\u2014is that Susie and Betty are constantly in competition for Bob\u2019s affirmation, and Bob going along, and Bob saying, \u201cYes; that\u2019s good with me.\u201d Betty can pick up the phone, call her ex-husband, and ask him to change his schedule; and he\u2019s all good with that. But now, that he is married to Susie, who says: \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute. How is it that she gets to dictate our schedule?\u201d\u2014Bob finds himself stuck between two women, who are warring over his time, and his affections, and his saying, \u201cYes, Honey, I\u2019ll go along with that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSusie has primary custody of her three kids. They live with their mother and their stepdad. Every other weekend and six weeks in the summer, they are spending time with their dad, John. But Betty has primary custody of her two kids. They live with their mom and their stepdad. On occasion, Bob and Susie have all five. Can anybody spell the word, \u201ccomplexity\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, it\u2019s not just about what happens between Bob and Susie. It\u2019s about the ocean in which they swim. It\u2019s about all the undercurrents, and the sharks, and the reefs, and the stuff they have to watch out for and manage. That has as much impact on their coupleness as their sex life does, as their shared faith in God does, as how well they communicate and resolve conflict does. That\u2019s complex! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, basically, that\u2019s one stepfamily configuration. I hired a PhD in math, a few years ago, to go and figure out for me how many different stepfamily configurations there could be because I wasn\u2019t smart enough to figure it out myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you have somebody who was divorced and somebody was widowed\u2014or two people were widowed\u2014or neither one has been married before but one of them had a child out of wedlock\u2014or\u2014there are eight different types of couples in stepfamilies; right? Then, one brings a kid, or they both bring kids\u2014yours and mine\u2014or we have an \u201cours baby\u201d \/ a mutual child\u2014sometimes, we call it. You put all those configurations in the computer, and you get 67 different possible configurations; alright? This is <em>one<\/em>. Your story is going to be a little different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, whatever your story is\u2014you\u2019ve got to figure out complexity. You\u2019ve got to just step back for a minute, every once in a while, and go: \u201cOkay, Honey, it\u2019s you and me against <em>that<\/em>! Let\u2019s get in the same boat together in this ocean. Let\u2019s learn how to swim together in this ocean. But most importantly, how do you and I, Honey, as a team, deal with our complexity?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tComplexity brings stress, but here\u2019s the real kicker: \u201cStress thickens blood.\u201d What I mean by that is\u2014functionally, you\u2019re all kind of here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs the stress goes up, on the Susies and the Bobs, what they tend to do is to kind of\u2014Susie begins to look after her cubbies a little bit more. She begins to kind of divide lines\u2014like, \u201cMy kids and me over here,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m going\u2014I don\u2019t want to hurt them any more than they\u2019ve already been hurt. It\u2019s already been hard enough as it is.\u201d I get that. You don\u2019t want the kids to hurt anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when you begin to kind of resort to protectiveness, then, that means you are unwilling to connect, and do some agreement, and find some willingness to risk on behalf of the marriage. Then, sometimes, you are more protecting the kids than you are your relationship \/ your marriage. That thickens the bloodline. It thickens it over here, but it weakens it over there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, let\u2019s talk about how you cook a stepfamily. This is kind of an attitude and an approach to building relationships within your home, but it\u2019s really a long-term attitude. It really says, \u201cOkay, what does it take for us to kind of become family?\u201d See, you didn\u2019t necessarily know it; but the day you walk down the aisle, you answered one family question\u2014but you asked a second one that nobody had an answer for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, here\u2019s the first one you answered. When you walked down the aisle and got married, you answered for everybody, in attendance, and God\u2014you said: \u201cWe now are a couple. We\u2019re together. We are in covenant with one another. We\u2019re a couple.\u201d You <em>defined<\/em> the relationship\u2014husband and wife \u201c\u2018til death do us part.\u201d It\u2019s a really cool definition \/ everybody gets it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the question you created, in defining your coupleness. You raised a question for everybody else; and that was: \u201cOkay, now, all of you, that are connected to us\u2014you are now family. Now, figure that out.\u201d You didn\u2019t realize you were asking that question; but that\u2019s the question that really gets asked because your kid, or their kid, or both kids, or ex-spouses, or grandparents are all now going, \u201cOkay, so how do I relate to you?\u201d So, really, the question is: \u201cHow are we going to fit?\u201d and \u201cWhat way are we going to be family\u2014to what degree are we going to be family with one another?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou probably didn\u2019t realize it, but <em>you<\/em> went about\u2014you\u2019ve got a philosophy about how to cook this family, with all these different parts. When you say, \u201cHoney, why don\u2019t you take Johnny out and throw the football?\u201d that\u2019s a cooking strategy. What you are saying is: \u201cGo spend time together. Enjoy something together. You guys will bond and create relationship, and you\u2019ll become family.\u201d Now, that makes sense! That\u2019s what you want. That\u2019s your heart\u2019s desire. That\u2019s what we\u2019re after. There is nothing wrong with that goal! Please hear me. There is nothing wrong with the goal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut on occasion, the strategies\u2014the cooking strategies\u2014that we can use sometimes do more harm than they do good. For example, saying to kids, \u201cI know he\u2019s not your dad; but why don\u2019t you just call him \u2018Dad\u2019 anyway?\u201d That\u2019s a cooking strategy. I\u2019m going to lump that into the blender category; right? \u201cWe\u2019re going to be a blended family. We\u2019re going to use a blender to make this thing work.\u201d So, what happens when you put all the ingredients in a blender and you turn it on? You force them into relationship with one another. You take a whole lot of different ingredients and you cram them together with friction, and high heat, and stress. All of a sudden, they are one fluid mixture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs the joke goes, \u201cSomebody had to get creamed in the process.\u201d Usually, that\u2019s a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s do a little case study. This is the blendering with the emotional affections. You know\u2014how we all kind of have a relational style\u2014all families do. Let\u2019s just look at it on one little piece of how we do relationships. Let\u2019s think about the emotional continuum of closeness for a minute. On one end of this continuum, we have people that are super, super close together. You know, kind of the stereotypical New York Italian family, where everybody eats together all the time. If you have a birthday party, 80 cousins show up because that\u2019s what you do. Everybody is in one another\u2019s lives. You make mutual decisions with one another. You talk to six family members before you decide anything. They\u2019re very, very tight\u2014you with me? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>On the other end of this continuum are families that really value their alone time \/ their independent time. You grow up\u2014you kind of have your own household \/ your own life. You move away, and you stay in contact with your family; but man, it\u2019s all on <em>you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you make independent decisions. If somebody kind of suggests that you ought to do something, you are offended by that. You know, \u201cWhy are they getting in my space?\u201d\u2014you with me on that? It\u2019s not that these people don\u2019t love their family members\u2014they do! They just value their independence. It\u2019s a style; right? So, you\u2019ve got this continuum. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let\u2019s go back and talk a little bit about Susie and Bob for a minute. You see, Susie grew up in a family\u2014they do a whole lot of stuff together all the time\u2014every holiday \/ all the traditions. There is a togetherness message in everything that they do. Bob grew up in a family that, on this continuum, is about right here. They really value their independent time. So, here\u2019s their different styles; right? Then, they get married. What happens in their blendering? They make these assumptions about how they are going to become family to one another. Susie\u2014large and in-charge\u2014really has a high, high need for that to happen <em>fast<\/em>. Of course, she would because being together is a sign that things are okay; and that\u2019s what you want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Saturday morning comes; and it goes like this\u2014Susie walks in to Bob. He\u2019s shaving; and she says: \u201cListen, Honey, I just looked at the family calendar. You\u2019re not going to believe what I just saw.\u201d She says: \u201cIt\u2019s Saturday. All five kids are here with us, and we have <em>nothing<\/em> to do today.\u201d Bob says: \u201cReally? No soccer games, no church function, no\u2014I mean, we don\u2019t have to mow the yard?\u201d She says: \u201cNo, it\u2019s done. It\u2019s taken care of. Can you believe we have nothing to do all afternoon? I\u2019ve got an idea!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob goes, \u201cOh, no. Okay, what\u2019s your idea?\u201d She says, \u201cWell, I\u2019m thinking we ought to do something together today.\u201d Bob goes, \u201cOkay, Honey,\u201d\u2014remember\u2014go along \/ flexible; right?\u2014keep the peace: \u201cI\u2019ll go tell my kids. I\u2019ll go break the news.\u201d \u201cHey, guys, listen. Two o\u2019clock today, we\u2019re going to climb in the car. We\u2019re all going to go bowling.\u201d Ted goes: \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Dad. I can\u2019t go, Dad\u2014not me.\u201d \u201cNo, son, I\u2019m sorry. We\u2019re all going to go. So, be ready\u2014two o\u2019clock.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSusie goes and tells her kids: \u201cGuess what we\u2019re going to do today?! We\u2019re all going to go bowling!\u201d \u201cYay!\u201d Everybody is excited, thrilled, and happy. Two o\u2019clock comes. They pile into the minivan. They don\u2019t even get out of the driveway\u2014and you know what happens; right? Ted starts picking on the youngest\u2014\u201cHe\u2019s touching me! He\u2019s touching me!\u201d\u2014from the backseat of the car. Bob spins around: \u201cAlright; I don\u2019t want anybody touching anybody. We\u2019re having fun today! You\u2019re going to have fun whether you like it or not.\u201d That\u2019s what blenders do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey go to the bowling alley. It\u2019s\u2014and the whole day, it\u2019s just kind of this seething, below the surface; right? It\u2019s bubbling up. It\u2019s brewing and brewing. Most of it centers around Bob\u2019s oldest son, Ted, who is just kind of the antagonist in the home, at that point in time. He\u2019s a teenager, and he\u2019s just kind of got the attitude-thing going on. And Susie, over there, going, \u201cIf my husband would just take care of business with that boy, we\u2019d be having fun; and we\u2019d be happy right now. But no, he\u2019s just talking to him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Susie, who\u2019s never had a 17-year-old son, knows exactly what Bob ought to be doing to fix this situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s been seething below the surface until it breaks through the emotional ceiling, which is that place where Susie can\u2019t stand it no more! She runs over to her husband and says: \u201cThat\u2019s it! I\u2019m sick and tired of this! You need to settle him!\u201d \u201cI am trying to settle.\u201d \u201cNo, you\u2019re not because if you were taking care of\u201d\u2014[sobbing incoherently]. Then, she turns on Ted. Ted\u2019s going: \u201cWhatever! Get out of my face. You\u2019re not my mom!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I would suggest\u2014there is a whole lot going on in this scenario\u2014but what\u2019s pushing it \/ what\u2019s driving it?\u2014the fuel that\u2019s in the tank is this blender assumption that says: \u201cWe have to make it happen now! We\u2019ve got to cook this thing! We\u2019ve got to get these people to like each other. We\u2019ve got to be family to one another. So, we\u2019ll orchestrate, in our timing, as adults, when the kids are going to be happy.\u201d[Laughter] That\u2019s really funny when you say it out loud; isn\u2019t it? So, it goes into push, and demand, and shove, and orchestrate. It\u2019s all about our need to not feel guilty anymore. <br><br>I know what you are after. The goal is not the issue \/ the goal is fine! Familyness is the goal\u2014that\u2019s great! But the strategy might not get you there.\u201d [Sobbing] \u201cBut Ron, that means we\u2019re not a family. If we\u2019re not a family, then, I\u2019m feeling guilty.\u201d Yes. You can wrestle with that guilt\u2014just don\u2019t let it control you because if it controls you, then, it\u2019s going to push you back into blendering \/ then, you\u2019re blundering\u2014you with me? Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to what not to do today as Ron Deal has been talking about the blended family situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You remember how many different forms of blended families there were? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I think he said it was 67. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I mean, they come about in so many different ways. It\u2019s not like there can be an equation that is easily applied to all these different situations. And it\u2019s why a couple\u2014I\u2019m telling you\u2014if they don\u2019t have a good, vibrant faith in Jesus Christ, and in the Scriptures, and tied into a local church, and growing, as a couple, spiritually, they\u2019re not going to be able to take the raw components of their relationship and end up really being able to honor God with it. They are going to fall prey to their circumstances\u2014to the blending. As Ron just said, that\u2019s not what we need. We need a crockpot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, this is something that Ron has written on extensively. He has a book and a DVD series called <em>The Smart Stepfamily.<\/em> He has a book for kids called <em>Life in a Blender<\/em>, along with books for stepdads and stepmoms. If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, you\u2019ll see the resources Ron has created. I would just encourage you\u2014if you\u2019re in a blended family, there\u2019s a way to make this work and make it work better, but you need to get some help. You need to get some coaching from a guy like Ron Deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out the resources that are available at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for blended families. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the resources we have available for blended families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, think about joining us in September, out in Colorado Springs. September 29 and 30, we\u2019re going to be on the campus of Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> as we join together with our friends at Focus for a two-day Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. Ron Deal\u2019s going to be there, Greg Smalley; Dennis and I are going to be there, along with a number of other speakers, as we talk about how you can help blended families in your church \/ in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a counselor or a pastor, or just a person with a heart to help blended families, come on out and join us for a couple of days as we gather together some of the best thinking on this subject in The Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. Find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, today is a big silver day for our friends, Jim and Cheryl Holmquist\u201425 years of marriage for the Holmquists. They got married on this day in 1991. Jim works here at FamilyLife; he\u2019s one of the guys who helps make our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways happen for couples all across the country. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Holmquists as they celebrate their 25<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries matter. We\u2019re the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, all that we do is designed to help provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope you need so that your marriage \/ your family can thrive, and you can enjoy many more anniversaries for years to come. That goes for folks in blended families too. We want to make sure the marriage you\u2019re in today is the marriage that you go all the way to the finish line with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to thank those of you who help support this ministry and make it possible for us to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We appreciate your partnership\u2014couldn\u2019t do it without you. In fact, if you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a set of three Bible studies. These are a part of our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Connect Series. These studies are designed to be used in a small group setting, or a husband and a wife can go through these on their own. These three studies are yours when you\u2019re able to help FamilyLife with a donation of $100 or more. You can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from Ron Deal about how important it is to blend your family slowly and <em>take<\/em> <em>time<\/em>. We\u2019ll hear more about that tomorrow. Hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304122","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304122"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304122"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304122"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304122"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304122"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304122"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}