{"id":304116,"date":"2016-08-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-08-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/countering-the-culture\/"},"modified":"2016-08-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-08-05T15:00:00","slug":"countering-the-culture","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/countering-the-culture\/","title":{"rendered":"Countering the Culture"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Debbie Hitchcock, Nina Roesner | Series: With All Due Respect | Would you say your parents respected you? Authors Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock discuss the changing culture and the entitlement mentality our kids are growing up with. Hear how these moms are countering the culture in their own families and building stronger relationships in the process.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock discuss the entitlement mentality\u00a0that pervades the culture in which\u00a0our kids are growing up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.31M","filesize_raw":"24445230","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2855],"tags":[4527,6054,4005,4330,2588,4283],"podcast_series":[8155],"cwp_profile":[9430,3401],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304116","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-teens","tag-communication","tag-entitlement","tag-parents","tag-respect","tag-teens","tag-wisdom","podcast_series-with-all-due-respect","cwp_profile-debbie-hitchcock","cwp_profile-nina-roesner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304116\/countering-the-culture","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304116\/countering-the-culture","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"kVp6IOnfbW\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/countering-the-culture\/\">Countering the Culture<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/countering-the-culture\/embed\/#?secret=kVp6IOnfbW\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Countering the Culture&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"kVp6IOnfbW\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock discuss the entitlement mentality\u00a0that pervades the culture in which\u00a0our kids are growing up.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you\u2019re a mom or a dad of a teenage son or daughter, how much one-on-one time did you have with that young man or that young woman in the last week and just what kind of time was it? Here\u2019s Debbie Hitchcock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>One of the things that I did with a group of women is\u2014I asked them to write down each of their children\u2019s names, and how much time they spent with their child, and what they <em>did<\/em> during that time. And it\u2019s mind-blowing because what they realize is that most of the time that they spend with their kids is transactional \/ it\u2019s not relational. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. To form healthy relationships, you need time and you need intentionality. We\u2019ll talk about how you do that with a teenager today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. If we got your adult children on the phone today and asked them the question, \u201cDo you think Mom and Dad respected you when you were a teenager?\u201d do you think your kids would say, \u201cYes\u201d? [Laughter] Depends on what incident came to mind immediately; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I tell you\u2014let\u2019s not do that right now. [Laughter] There were some moments that\u2014you know, what parent doesn\u2019t lose it from time to time? But hopefully\u2014you know, I think back to the passage in Ephesians, Chapter 6\u2014that says [paraphrased]: \u201cDads, do not exasperate your children \/ don\u2019t drive them to anger, but bring them up in the discipline of the Lord.\u201d So, as parents\u2014I know that passage is directed to fathers, which is appropriate\u2014as parents, we are to speak with respect and to relate to our children with respect, especially since we\u2019re training them to relate back to us with respect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have some authors, who are nodding their heads, here in the studio, because they\u2019ve written a book called <em>With All Due Respect<\/em>\u2014and it is <em>40 Days to a Perfect Teenager<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>You have the wrong book! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; that\u2019s not the real subtitle\u2014it is <em>40 Days to a More Fulfilling Relationship with Your Teens and Tweens.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock join us again on the broadcast. Debbie \/ Nina, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to cut to the chase because Debbie\u2014you raised four through the teenage years; and Nina, you\u2019re in the process of doing it right now. One of the things you point out in your book is that parents have to know how to handle the culture and help a teenager navigate the culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just would like to know: \u201cWhat are you seeing today, Debbie\u201d\u2014as one who has passed the raising of a teenager\u2014\u201cwhat are you seeing happening in the culture that you\u2019d want parents to be specifically mindful of?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>I think the biggest thing that I see is the technology-piece. We have a culture that feels entitled to have technology at their fingertips. We see very young children with these phones\u2014they\u2019re texting \/ they\u2019re \u201csexting\u201d\u2014it\u2019s out there. It can even be something like a PlayStation<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or the video games. You get Mom in a situation where the kid is entranced in this shoot-\u2019em-up game and: \u201cMom, let me get to a safe point. Let me get to a safe point.\u201d \u201cDinner\u2019s ready! We need to eat as a family!\u201d It doesn\u2019t happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou also have parents that are running continually. The kid is involved in every activity. With that, it becomes very much a child-focused family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat sense of identity is no longer in the family, but it\u2019s with everything else that\u2019s going on in their life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; and you\u2019re seeing parents overly involved in their kids\u2019 lives\u2014doing homework <em>for<\/em> them\u2014kids getting graded in completely unfair standards \/ unfair situations because they\u2019re not being graded comparatively to other kids\u2014they have parents doing these projects for them, which is craziness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Now wait a second. Are you saying there\u2019s something wrong with a parent crashing with the child, until three \/ four o\u2019 clock in the morning, to do the science project?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes. If the kid needs a little bit of help, that\u2019s one thing; but they\u2019re responsible for their schoolwork\u2014<em>not<\/em> Mom and Dad. It\u2019s their grade\u2014not Mom\u2019s and Dad\u2019s. I went to high school \/ I went to junior high\u2014I\u2019m all over that. I\u2019m done now. You know? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob, did you guys ever stay up doing one of those?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I edited a lot of term papers for my kids when they were going through. [Laughter] I was caught in the dilemma between not wanting to edit too much\u2014so that my voice kind of came in or that my ideas were entered into that paper \/ but instead, just do a light enough edit\u2014but I think I tried to make sure that, as I was doing that, that it wasn\u2019t just \u201cI helped you with your homework\u201d; but \u201cLet me show you what I did, and why I did it, so that you know how to do this yourself next time.\u201d I think I was just trying to help them learn how to write.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Well, and the goal is independence; right? I mean, you don\u2019t want a 35-year-old that needs you to tell them how to get up and go to work in the morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>So, there are so many things that they\u2019re capable of at such young ages. We step in the way of them doing them. We cripple them at young ages by doing it all for them\u2014we don\u2019t have to. I know it is high competition out there. So what I used to do was\u2014I would contact my school\u2019s teacher and say, \u201cI hope you understand that little Johnny did his homework 100 per cent by himself, and I hope you grade him accordingly as you\u2019re looking at everyone else\u2019s reports. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNever had a problem with it\u2014not even once.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Really?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Really; really. Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the other issue with the culture is all this social media stuff. We, as parents, are completely\u2014a lot of us, myself included\u2014unaware because, every other day, it seems like there\u2019s something new coming on. It\u2019s quick, and it\u2019s hot, and it\u2019s fun, and it shows up on these smartphones Debbie was talking about. Everybody has one. There\u2019s so much pressure for these phones\u2014and the smartphones, and the iPads<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and everything\u2014and we\u2019re not protecting our kids from the influence of the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; so you have a 14-year-old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She has a smartphone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>No; she does not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nina!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>I <em>know<\/em>. We\u2014yes; I hear about it a lot. I\u2019ll be friends with her when she\u2019s 30.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She\u2019s told you; hasn\u2019t she?\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re the only parent on the planet\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Oh, yes. Apparently I might be; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you\u2019ve made a conscious decision that she\u2019s not\u2014when can she have one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>She can have a phone when she <em>needs<\/em> a phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I mean a smartphone\u2014when can she have an iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>When she has the ability to pay for one, which will probably be when she\u2019s 18, and she needs it. She doesn\u2019t need it now. Even my older son, who\u2019s in college\u2014he has a phone that\u2019s an Android phone; okay? He didn\u2019t want to spend that much money on a phone\u2014nothing against iPhones \/ I think they\u2019re wonderful\u2014I don\u2019t have one either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we have software that, if you\u2019re going to use the internet, it keeps you off the places you\u2019re not supposed to be \/ shouldn\u2019t be because we just <em>know<\/em> temptation is a thing. We voluntarily asked for that\u2014that\u2019s the thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So does your daughter have an old flip-open phone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>You know, she doesn\u2019t even have <em>that<\/em>. I know. I\u2019m sounding archaic at this point. Yes; she doesn\u2019t have that. I do have an old flip phone that I might consider [giving] that next year if she\u2019s working, but there\u2019s no reason for her to have a phone right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So she does not have one with her every place she goes? If she needs one, you lend it to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>She doesn\u2019t even ever need one because she\u2019s actually with people that have phones. It seems like everyone has a phone; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>So what does she need one for? She doesn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cJust borrow your friend\u2019s phone if you need to call me\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Pretty much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking about respect\u2014mutual respect. There\u2019d be some 14-year-old, who says: \u201cThis does not sound like you are respecting your child. This sounds like a heavy-handed, strict\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019ve already tried to turn off the radio. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014authoritarian. [Laughter] You\u2019re one of these moms. If you respected your child, you would\u2014I mean, she\u2019s going to have to learn how to use one of these phones one of these days!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Exactly; yes. So here\u2019s what we\u2019ve done\u2014and we\u2019ve done this with all three of our kids\u2014and I\u2019m not saying this is the right answer for you. This has just worked with us. When they were in the 13\/14 age, they got iPods<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; alright?\u2014which you can set up whether or not you have internet access on\u2014you have a parental control in there. That\u2019s the main point I want to make\u2014understand the technology \/ be as familiar as you possibly can with what\u2019s out there\u2014what\u2019s hot \/ what\u2019s not\u2014because your kids know about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may not think they do, but they do. With some of our kids, we let them have a social media account when they were showing the responsibility. Part of the deal is we\u2019re also very involved in that and: \u201cI\u2019m going to sit down with you a couple times a week. We\u2019re going to look through your instant messages. We\u2019re going to look at what you\u2019re posting. You are going to \u2018Friend\u201d me.\u2019 You are not going to have secret accounts because I have full access to everything,\u201d\u2014but having said that, however\u2014our kids have some privacy. They have the right to have notes that they make to themselves \/ they have diaries. I don\u2019t want to know what their private thoughts are. It\u2019s very healthy for them to have a place to work through those things. I don\u2019t need to spy on my kids unless there are behaviors that are indicating to me that there\u2019s something <em>horribly<\/em> wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your daughter has access to a computer; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; she does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And in her room, you have the computer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Only once in a while, with the door open, and only during certain hours of the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You sound like a high-control mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>I <em>know<\/em>, and you know what? I think she would say, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s not fair that I have to do this.\u201d Then, if you ask her the question, \u201cWhy do we do this?\u201d she\u2019ll say: \u201cWell, because this is what\u2019s safe \/ this is what\u2019s smart. I don\u2019t handle temptation well sometimes.\u201d I\u2019m not really any different than that. I think, if we honestly look at ourselves as individuals\u2014when faced with temptation, we\u2019re supposed to run from it for a reason\u2014so we sit down and we cover these things, and we talk about them, and then we <em>agree<\/em> on what\u2019s reasonable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the reason I keep pressing you on this because I think some parents think respecting your child means you give up the authority that God\u2019s given you, as a mom or a dad, to make decisions, to make rules, to make boundaries. There\u2019s a difference between having authority and showing respect; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, what she was describing is helping a child through some of the most tempting, turbulent, immature years on the planet that any human being experiences\u2014the teenage years\u2014one day they are mature \/ the next day they\u2019re not. What you\u2019re trying to do is help them get to adulthood with the fewest possible scars, Bob, as possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing I just want to say about what Nina\u2019s modeling here\u2014you may disagree with her standards; okay?\u2014that\u2019s your privilege. But the issue is\u2014she and her husband have them [standards]. They\u2019re attempting to live out their values, according to Scripture, and trying to be parents that are modeling for their children how they want them to arrive at adulthood; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes. I\u2019m not going to be in her college dorm with her. She needs to know how to handle that stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you and your husband have talked about this, undoubtedly, over numerous date nights, to arrive at these conclusions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes. There\u2019s a lot of dialogue that goes on about \u201cHow are we going to handle all of this stuff with these guys?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you make mistakes when you do it, and you have to allow them to have some influence. When you make a mistake, you talk about it and you pull back if necessary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re just trying to be proactive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014be ahead of the temptation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes. One of the things that I\u2019ve noticed with a lot of parents\u2014and we fell into that trap\u2014you buy the phone because it\u2019s a birthday present or you buy the game system because it\u2019s for Christmas\u2014and the child thinks it\u2019s <em>theirs<\/em>. We forget, as parents, that anything that that child owns is really <em>ours<\/em>. We\u2019re trying to lead them to maturity. In that process, if we don\u2019t put some boundaries on it, as we give it to them\u2014you know: \u201cWe\u2019ve given you this phone. Here\u2019s what the stipulations are going to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>\u201cIf you can meet those stipulations, then we\u2019re ready to allow you to have more opportunity. If not, here\u2019s what\u2019s going to happen; and we\u2019re going to pull back for a period of time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>See, I\u2019d say: \u201cOkay. It\u2019s your phone. If you want to charge it, using our electricity\u2014now, that\u2019s a different deal,\u201d [Laughter] or \u201cIf you want our plan to be able to operate your phone\u2026\u2014and that\u2019s tongue-in-cheek\u2014but I think you\u2019re on a really great point, which is: \u201cKids have to understand that, even when they get a gift, Mom and Dad still have the authority, given them by God, to figure out how all of this is going to get played out in the home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014it was a <em>memorable<\/em> moment. And the reason I think I like this story is\u2014I just viscerally live with those parents, who were in charge for just a few moments, and they knew they were in charge. They had laid down the rules to their boys that, after they [parents] went to bed, they [children] couldn\u2019t fire up the video games. They caught them, repeatedly\u2014after drawing the line in the sand\u2014hiding in their bedrooms, under the covers, playing video games<strong>. <\/strong>[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not sure if it was a PlayStation or not, but it was something that had a console. Finally, they caught them one more time. The father went in \/ unplugged it. They lived in a two-story house. He opened the window and <em>threw<\/em> the thing out on a patio that was concrete, with his boys watching.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Oh my.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He\u2019d warned them\u2014he told them, \u201cGuys, I\u2019m telling you\u2014I have set boundaries I want you to obey.\u201d Now, again, you may not agree with the punishment\u2014you may think that\u2019s foolish because the parents paid for it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And he wasn\u2019t doing it in anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, no!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was just: \u201cYou know, we talked about this\u2014I\u2019m sorry, but this is the end of the PlayStation.\u201d Open the window, and toss it out, and \u201cThere we go \/ we\u2019re done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cThere are consequences if you disobey.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking with Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock, who have written a book called <em>With All Due Respect<\/em>. It\u2019s really on the subject of \u201cHow do parents and children learn mutual respect?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you had to boil down the thesis\u2014the one thing you\u2019re trying to get parents to get their arms around\u2014you talk about 40 days to a more fulfilling relationship. You do have some great ideas through this book on how you cultivate this; but Nina, if you boiled this down to kind of the big thesis: \u201cThis is what we\u2019re trying to get to happen between kids and parents,\u201d\u2014what is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>You know, Bob, I think the end goal for this is that both parents and kids have such a healthy sense of identity in Jesus Christ that parents aren\u2019t reacting in fear or anger. They\u2019re having the ability to listen and mutually respect their kids so that their kids see what that really looks like, and then they can make better decisions because they respect themselves and they know who they are, going forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re saying that healthy parenting and being a thriving child is connected in some way to how we see ourselves in our relationship with God through Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>What\u2019s really true here is\u2014that if my identity is wrapped up in what other people are thinking about me\u2014and that\u2019s other parents, teachers, coaches, my own kids\u2014then I am not listening to the advice that God has given me \/ I am not obeying God\u2014and that is to train up a child in the way he should go. I want to respect this child, as precious to God. I want to treat him or her with honor. I want to have boundaries that teach him how to have boundaries for himself and respect himself and other people so that, when he\u2019s an adult, he and I can be friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, my goal is not to be his friend\u2014I am his <em>mother<\/em>. That is a privilege and a very, very important job. We\u2019ll be friends when we survive this now. And if we survive this and thrive through this\u2014then, we get the grandkids and we can give them back when they\u2019re a mess\u2014and the parents can figure out how they\u2019ll treat it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what I want the listener, who\u2019s a parent, to hear\u2014is the question because the question is a great question\u2014\u201cWhat are you shooting for here? What\u2019s the goal?\u201d What is it that Stephen Covey says in his book, <em>7 Habits of Highly Effective People<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cBegin with the end in mind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And a parent really ought to know what they\u2019re shooting for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things you talk about in your book, though\u2014that is kind of the \/ it\u2019s the bridge over which you drive all this training and attempt to connect with your child\u2014you call it a parent being a relational architect. Would you unpack that a bit?\u2014because I think that\u2019s a great concept\u2014without a relationship, they\u2019re not going to be able to get all the truth\u2014and who God is and the Scriptures are. They have to have that with the parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>You are so right, Dennis. I think the whole thing, with being the architect \/ the relationship architect, in your home is that what you model\u2014how you set other people up for success\u2014makes so much difference in the relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I did with a group of women is\u2014I asked them to write down each of their children\u2019s names, and how much time they spent with their child, and what they <em>did<\/em> during that time. It\u2019s mind-blowing because what they realize is\u2014that most of the time that they spend with their kids is transactional \/ it\u2019s not relational. It\u2019s: \u201cDid you clean your room?\u201d \u201cDid you mow the lawn?\u201d \u201cDid you do\u2026\u201d Dad tends to do the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we want to do is\u2014we want to give parents an opportunity to look at the way they\u2019re interacting with their kids and saying, \u201cWhat do I want this relationship to be like, down the road?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Another thing we forget\u2014you know, Debbie used the word, \u201ctransactional.\u201d A lot of our communication is about getting things done, especially if we are doing too many things. Instead of having it revolving around that, paying attention to what\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when the kid does go mow the lawn, you walk outside\u2014and instead of talking about the strip next to the sidewalk that still needs to be edged or, you know, all the grass that\u2019s laying over on the driveway\u2014you look at what they did that\u2019s right. That\u2019s what you talk about first\u2014Philippians 4:8 style\u2014you know: \u201cWhatever is true, whatever is\u2026\u201d\u2014all of that. You talk about that first\u2014you say, \u201cHey, I appreciate you contributing to the family by doing this.\u201d You have some positive in that; and then say, \u201cDo you mind sweeping this up when you\u2019re finished?\u201d and that\u2019s it. They don\u2019t feel like they\u2019ve, yet again, not done something that\u2019s good enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, you\u2019ve already talked this week, Dennis, about the resources we\u2019ve created\u2014the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> resources. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of the reason that we created these the way we did is because we wanted them to promote what you all are talking about here\u2014which is relational time between a parent and a child around things that matter\u2014so that you can go have fun together \/ you can go play together, and at the same time, you can have some deeper conversations that, aren\u2019t just transactional conversations, but are about stuff that matters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I love about what you\u2019ve done in your book, <em>With All Due Respect<\/em>, is\u2014you\u2019re equipping parents to have the goal in mind \/ beginning with the end in mind\u2014you\u2019ve exhorted them to do that\u2014but then, practically, over a 40-day period, you\u2019re equipping them to be able to do it. Bob, I agree with you\u2014<em>Passport2Identity<\/em> \/ <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> are both resources that really do help a parent connect his or her heart to the same-sex child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, that weekend getaway\u2014a father\/son or a mother\/daughter\u2014can really be a powerful\u2014speaking of relational architects\u2014it can be a powerful time of a mom really putting in place a lot of good relationship time with a child before you head off into the turbulent teenage years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well\u2014and here\u2019s what we\u2019re all saying\u2014we\u2019re all saying that those relationships matter\u2014that parents and children need to learn how to forge stronger, deeper, healthier relationships. Respect is a part of that, but there\u2019s also coaching that\u2019s a part of that. That\u2019s where <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> and <em>Passport2Identity <\/em>come into play. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, you can get information on how to order <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> \/ <em>Passport2Identity<\/em>. Of course, you can order the book, <em>With All Due Respect<\/em>, by our guests today, Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s easy to order online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions about these resources or if you\u2019d like to place an order over the phone\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow is going to be a big day in Cornville, Maine. That\u2019s because Wayne and Becky Tibbetts are celebrating 33 years together as husband and wife\u2014their 33<sup>rd<\/sup> anniversary is tomorrow. Wayne and Becky listen to WBCI. They\u2019ve been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014in fact, they\u2019ve joined us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise a few times. We just want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to the Tibbetts\u2014\u201cWay to go!\u201d Three plus decades of marriage\u2014that\u2019s pretty important \/ that\u2019s a big <em>deal<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we think every anniversary is a big deal. What we\u2019re all about, here at FamilyLife, is making sure that you celebrate more of them. We want to provide you with the kind of practical biblical help and hope you need so that you can have a stronger, healthier marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we appreciate those of you who partner with us in making this happen through your donations. We\u2019re always happy to hear from listeners who want to pitch in and help with the cost of producing and syndicating this daily program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re able to help with a donation of $100 or more this month, we have a special thank-you gift we\u2019d like to send you. It\u2019s a three-volume set of Bible studies from our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Connect Series\u2014three studies for married couples to go through together or for you to take a small group through. They\u2019re our thank-you gift to you if you make a donation today. You can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019re going to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for joining us. Hope you have a great weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about the challenges that can come with co-parenting\u2014you live in a blended marriage and you deal with the phenomenon of co-parenting. We\u2019ll talk about how you can do that effectively and peacefully. Hope you can tune in Monday to hear that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. 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