{"id":304114,"date":"2016-08-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-08-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/steps-to-more-fulfilling-relationships-with-teens\/"},"modified":"2016-08-04T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-08-04T15:00:00","slug":"steps-to-more-fulfilling-relationships-with-teens","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/steps-to-more-fulfilling-relationships-with-teens\/","title":{"rendered":"Steps to More Fulfilling Relationships With Teens"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock give parents practical advice for building relationships with their teens.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-04.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.78M","filesize_raw":"23884136","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2841,2850,2855],"tags":[4527,4005,5182,4330,2588,4283],"podcast_series":[8155],"cwp_profile":[9430,3401],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304114","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-character-development","category-teens","tag-communication","tag-parents","tag-prodigal","tag-respect","tag-teens","tag-wisdom","podcast_series-with-all-due-respect","cwp_profile-debbie-hitchcock","cwp_profile-nina-roesner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304114\/steps-to-more-fulfilling-relationships-with-teens","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304114\/steps-to-more-fulfilling-relationships-with-teens","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"xGfaLvvlIR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/steps-to-more-fulfilling-relationships-with-teens\/\">Steps to More Fulfilling Relationships With Teens<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/steps-to-more-fulfilling-relationships-with-teens\/embed\/#?secret=xGfaLvvlIR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Steps to More Fulfilling Relationships With Teens&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"xGfaLvvlIR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock give parents practical advice for building relationships with their teens.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>People who live together need to learn how to respect and be aware of each other\u2019s schedules. That\u2019s something that parents need to learn how to teach their teenagers. Here\u2019s Debbie Hitchcock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Too many times we think that something has to happen <em>now<\/em>. It\u2019s immediate\u2014you know, this child wants to go here, they want to do this, they want the sandwich\u2014they start making demands. We get wrapped up because we want them to be successful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, August 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. So, who is driving the schedule at your house? Whose life is revolving around whose? We\u2019re going to talk about how you bring balance and mutual respect to your relationship with your teenager. That\u2019s coming up today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think, if we had a roomful of moms and dads, who had taken kids through the teen years, we would probably have more moms and dads who would raise their hand if you asked the question: \u201cWas there high drama in your house during the teen years?\u201d\u2014more who would say, \u201cYes,\u201d than would say, \u201cNo\u201d; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh yes. In fact, I think that one of the support groups that needs to be functional in the church all the time is a group called POPS\u2014Parents of Prodigals\u2014because you can have a prodigal who lives with you in your house. A prodigal can start when they\u2019re 12, 13\/14. You don\u2019t have to have a full-blown prodigal, who\u2019s run away from home\u2014as it talks about in the Scriptures\u2014and going down to slop with the hogs as a young adult. You can have a child who just is pushing back against parents; at that point, parents need a support group. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey need other parents\u2014who are <em>also<\/em> raising imperfect children\u2014that create a safe place to talk about these issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe ladies who are with us today know all about creating safe places and also equipping parents in the midst of this to be able to handle some challenging days. Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock join us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Debbie \/ Nina, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Debbie and Nina give leadership to a ministry called Greater Impact Ministries. They live in Cincinnati, and they\u2019ve written a book called <em>With All Due Respect<\/em>: <em>40 Days to a More Fulfilling Relationship with Your Teens and Tweens.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a pretty good promise\u201440 days. So what are these 40 days going to look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; is this an absolute\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is there a guarantee\u2014money-back guarantee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cA\u201d plus \u201cB\u201d plus \u201dC\u201d equal?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>You know, you feel like you\u2019re trapped in the ark with the smelly animals; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What are you trying to do in your book, though, because you have broken this down into 40 topics. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re encouraging parents to both be reflective but also go on the offensive, and again, relate to children with respect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we just say\u2014a lot of this is born out of\u2014Debbie, your personal experience with a child who was a prodigal. We\u2019ve shared a little bit about that already this week. If you\u2019re sitting down with a parent, who is describing a situation like we heard Debbie describe this week, Nina, where do you say, \u201cHere\u2019s where we start in this process\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Well, the first thing I do is I send her over to Debbie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Honestly, because\u2014I mean, our family has avoided a lot of situations because of the training that she and her husband have had. So, we\u2019ve passed them off\u2014the really tough cases go to her. The average parent dealing with a smelly teen or a difficult teen\u2014I can handle, maybe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Smelly or difficult?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But what you\u2019re talking about is that a parent does not need to be isolated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They need to be in relationships with other parents, talking about what\u2019s going on with their kids, because I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014these are challenging days to raise young people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Alright; so, Debbie, if you get one of these parents passed off to you\u2014that Nina says, \u201cThis one\u2019s deeper than we\u2019re going to go,\u201d\u2014where do you start with them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>I start by listening. You know, what happens is\u2014we need to create a safe place for other parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>I will let them talk. Typically, they don\u2019t want to talk a whole lot because, you know, they want to protect the child. I just start sharing a little bit of my story because, in that, there\u2019s safety\u2014there\u2019s safety that says, \u201cOh, they won\u2019t think I\u2019m a terrible parent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Can we just be honest that moms and dads feel a sense of shame if they have a teenager who\u2019s acting up? Even if they\u2019re looking and saying, \u201cI think we did the best we knew how to do,\u201d they still feel like, \u201cWe must have done something wrong because, if we\u2019d done it right, that kid would not be doing what that kid\u2019s doing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>You have got it! It\u2019s a situation where we, as parents, want so much for our kids to\u2014you know, we want to be that perfect family. We want our kids to be in a place where they\u2019re following the Lord \/ they\u2019re part of this team that we have built. When you have that stray animal that just won\u2019t get with the program, it\u2019s difficult. You want to hide behind the mask because you don\u2019t want anybody to know that, as a parent, you\u2019re the imperfect one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you\u2019re going to encourage them to open up and share their story and not be boxed in by shame; but honestly, as a parent, I\u2019m just looking for the answers: \u201cWhat\u2019s step one? What do I do? When I leave you, what do I go home and do differently than I\u2019ve been doing so we can start to fix this situation?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, where they start in the book is\u2014you actually instruct parents to go back and do an inventory of their own childhood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Yes. The other thing we do is\u2014we ask them to set aside the expectations for that child. What happens, as parents, is\u2014you know, we have this <em>ideal<\/em> of what is going to be the perfect relationship, the perfect kid, the perfect whatever it is we want for that child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we need to do, as parents, is set expectations for <em>ourselves<\/em>: \u201cWhat are we modeling?\u201d because\u2014when the kids often\u2014you know, they are raising Cain because things aren\u2019t going their way\u2014are we marching up the steps with them as they start to slam the door, you know, yelling at them, going, \u201cDon\u2019t you talk to me that way!\u201d because we\u2019re upset \/ we\u2019re frustrated; and we just want to control it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>And that\u2019s typically the stance we take.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nina, why is going back and revisiting things from when you were a child\u2014why is that a starting place?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>We pick up things we don\u2019t even know we\u2019ve picked up from our parents \/ from our friends, as parents\u2014there are so many things that are just deeply ingrained in us that we\u2019re not even aware of. A lot of them are unhealthy habits of interacting that we have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the stories I tell in the book is about coming home with one of my teenagers. He has some place he has to be\u2014I think it was like a Thursday afternoon \/ it was in the spring. We pull into the driveway \/ garage door is going up, and he\u2019s just ranting about how he\u2019s running late\u2014and you know, \u201cI need to go right here,\u201d and you know, \u201cGo do what you need to do because we need to leave,\u201d and \u201cMake me a sandwich!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe gets out of the car, and he slams the car door. I\u2019m looking at him, going: \u201cWow! I don\u2019t know who you are right now, and I don\u2019t like how you\u2019ve just spoken to me.\u201d I\u2019m a little angry because he was really disrespectful. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHow am I going to handle this?\u201d So I went upstairs and I\u2019m praying\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I\u2019m walking up the stairs and going, \u201cGod, what am I going to do with this thing?\u201d I go in, and I got on my bed, and I started reading a magazine. He throws the door open to my room; and he\u2019s like: \u201cWe\u2019re running late! We need to leave right now! What are you doing, and where\u2019s my sandwich?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked at him and I said: \u201cYou know, baby, I <em>love<\/em> that you have all these neat things to do; and I really love being able to spend time with you and take you to places you want to go. I love doing that when you treat me with respect, and I\u2019m happy to take you to the places you want to go when you treat me well like that because I\u2019m a temple of the Holy Spirit. You know, we don\u2019t speak like that to each other here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s like, \u201cOkay; so\u2014you\u2019re not going to make me a sandwich?\u201d I said, \u201cThat is correct.\u201d He said, \u201cSo okay; so, okay, Mom\u2014you\u2019re right. I\u2019m really sorry. I shouldn\u2019t have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He\u2019s now thinking through that he may not get to go where he wanted to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes! Light bulbs, you know? He doesn\u2019t drive! He <em>needs<\/em> something! He\u2019s apologizing; and he says: \u201cSo, you\u2019re right, and I\u2019m really sorry. I won\u2019t do that again.\u201d I said: \u201cThank you so much for that, and you know what? I forgive you.\u201d He\u2019s standing there, and I look back at my magazine. He goes, \u201cWell, so\u2014are you going to take me?\u201d I said, \u201cYou know what? You can go, and I\u2019m not going to take you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s like, \u201cWell, how am I going to get there?\u201d I said: \u201cThis is not my problem. It\u2019s your problem. I\u2019m happy to do the things you want me to do when you treat me in a way that\u2019s worthy of respect.\u201d He says, \u201cBut you forgave me!\u201d I said, \u201cYes, I did; and there are still consequences for behavior that\u2019s not fitting with who we are as a family.\u201d I said: \u201cYou can go, but I\u2019m not going to take you. Maybe the next time you need something from me, you will speak more kindly; and maybe that\u2019ll become more consistently part of who you are in dealing with me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s like, \u201cAh! Really?\u201d I said: \u201cYes; really. And I love you, and I hope you have a good time.\u201d He goes, \u201cWell, can I walk?\u201d I said: \u201cYes; yes\u2014that\u2019s fine; however you get there is fine.\u201d I mean, the kid\u2019s a Boy Scout; right? He\u2019ll be fine! He\u2019ll figure it out. He called the other parent\u2014they came and got him. That was a choice she could make, you know. I had to deal with <em>that<\/em> on Sunday when I saw her at church\u2014she was like, \u201cHow come you didn\u2019t\u2026\u201d I said, \u201cYou know, I appreciate so much that you were willing to invest in that, and feel free to say, \u2018No,\u2019 anytime with the choices you make with my kids.\u201d She was like flabbergasted. [Laughter] But, that was her choice. I made mine \/ she could make hers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me ask you a question: \u201cIf he\u2019d come back to the room and said: \u201cMom, I really did blow it. Would you please take me where I need to go?\u201d would that perhaps have opened the door to the possibility of you taking him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>If there had been no sign of manipulative intent there, I might have considered that. More likely he probably would have had a consequence to deal with, though.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think what I want parents to hear in this situation is that you really miss some opportunities to teach if you don\u2019t draw the line and hold to it. It\u2019s so built-in to a parent to rescue the child from the pain, and from the discomfort, and the inconvenience; but frankly, that was <em>brilliant<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wish Barbara and I had heard that before we kind of bent in the wind in the midst of those circumstances, where the child is trying to have a hostile takeover and get you to do what he or she wants you to do. It\u2019s so easy to just\u2014rather than put up with the pain it creates\u2014just take him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Right. Yes; it is. You know, when you get tired\u2014you have more than one kid\u2014you get so tired of the complaining, and the hormones, and the complaining, and the whining, and the complaining. Oh my; there\u2019s so much of it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Not to mention the complaining!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>There\u2019s so much <em>complaining<\/em>! [Laughter] They forget things because they\u2019re hormonal, and not sleeping, and sleeping too much, and all this stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarly on, I remember listening to a parent talk about: \u201cOh, and I had to run to school three times. She forgot this, and then I came home; and then she forgot that.\u201d I\u2019m thinking: \u201cI\u2019m not doing that\u2014there\u2019s no way! I am not that person. How is this person going to function as an adult?\u201d That was one of the themes that Debbie had in a lot of our discussions is\u2014you know, \u201cYou\u2019re not parenting for this minute in this situation. You are thinking further out\u2014further down the road.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen my kids went to school, I said: \u201cIf you pack your lunch and you forget it, you get one freebie a semester. I will drive it there for you one time. After that, it costs you $5. You can make the decision. And by the way, it has to be convenient for me to be able to do that. I\u2019m not always going to be able to bring you your lunch.\u201d They went hungry\u2014all of them did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had the same situation\u2014not with lunches to school\u2014but with rides to school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had one child who\u2014it did not seem to matter how loud the alarm clock in his or her room was\u2014this child could sleep through whatever the noise was. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob, there\u2019s a story in this book very similar to what you\u2019re describing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is there? So with this child, there were a number of times when it would be the middle of first period before the child would arrive downstairs, ready to go to school. Well, the school bus time had already expired; right? [Laughter] That child had to learn: \u201cThere\u2019s a transportation fee after eight in the morning if you need a ride to school.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I know where you live\u2014it\u2019s too far for the kid to walk. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not a walk-able deal. There was money coming out of that child\u2019s pocket to get them to school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think this idea of learning from consequences in a way that kind of drains the yelling and the emotion out\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and saying: \u201cYou know, there are going to be consequences. It\u2019s not because we don\u2019t like you, and it\u2019s not because we\u2019re mad at you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s because\u2014in our case, we knew this child was a year away from college. In college, when you sleep through the alarm clock, you sleep through the alarm clock\u2014you missed the class; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Exactly\u2014yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I have two points to make here. Number one, what Nina did at that point was she stayed out of the emotional mud-puddle. A teenager will win ten times out of ten \/ one hundred times out of one hundred if he can get the parent to get down into the emotional mud-puddle with him or her\u2014arguing, debating, and going back and forth. They get you wrapped around the axle\u2014you\u2019ve lost.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay. You did a perfect job of that\u2014that one time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes! I know\u2014the one time; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing I want to say\u2014if there\u2019s a listener \/ now, listen carefully\u2014I could be responsible for helping you, as a listener, become a millionaire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you could invent an alarm clock that you can put outside of the Lepine\u2019s home, the Rainey home, the other homes of teenagers as they grow up, that somehow make it beyond pain\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, I have it; I have it. Forget <em>noise<\/em>. You want something that causes an electric shock to go off in the mattress [Laughter] so that the child cannot stay in bed without getting shocked. That will fix it\u2014I\u2019m convinced.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>I have to tell you\u2014the things that Nina and I talk about in terms of what happens in the home and the craziness of what we, as parents, have to deal with becomes unbelievable at times\u2014especially when you have that difficult child because they think of things that have not even <em>crossed<\/em> your mind. If you are <em>reacting<\/em> to that rather than being <em>proactive<\/em>\u2014you know, it\u2019s kind of like you <em>know<\/em> it\u2019s going to happen \/ you know <em>something<\/em> is going to happen; and so: \u201cHow do you train yourself to be quick to listen \/ slow to speak?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk about \u201cthe pause button\u201d because too many times we think that something has to happen <em>now<\/em>. It\u2019s immediate\u2014you know, this child wants to go here, they want to do this, they want the sandwich\u2014they start making demands. We get wrapped up because we want them to be successful. It\u2019s where the helicopter parenting comes in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>\u2014you know: \u201cOh, we have to get them into this school. So we have to help them with their homework \/ we have to help them do different things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking with Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock, who have written a book called <em>With All Due Respect. <\/em>It\u2019s a book, by the way, that we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book, or you can call us if you want at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, the overarching theme of what we\u2019re talking about here today is learning, as parents, and teaching our kids how to be respectful in relationship with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, we think, \u201cYes; I\u2019m going to teach my kids how to respect me because that\u2019s\u2014kids need to learn to respect their parents. There\u2019s not a verse that says, \u2018Parents, obey your children in the Lord\u2019; right? But there\u2019s the other one\u2014so they need to learn how to respect me, and we\u2019ll use the switch and get them doing that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019d step in and say, \u201cThe switch may be appropriate at some points, but there\u2019s a bigger principle of mutual respect in a family that\u2019s huge.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; because when they get freedom, and when nobody\u2019s watching, they will be the person that they are. If they\u2019ve been allowed to grow up and be individuals and separate their identity from Mom and Dad in a healthy way\u2014then they will know who they are and then will not look to others for that identity. They will already have that person affirmed within them because of how their parents treat them and their relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mentioned the key word that\u2014almost like the old TV show, Bob\u2014Groucho Marx, where you said the magic word\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Imitating Groucho Marx]Say the secret word, the duck drops down, and you get $50.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it drops from the ceiling. Some of our listeners go, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d That\u2019s from a foreign country. Well, some of us, who are as old as dirt, remember that television show. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you just mentioned the word, \u201cidentity.\u201d It made me just think about a great resource FamilyLife\u2019s just produced for parents that will help them do the very thing you talked about. We\u2019ve created a resource here called <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>. In fact, Nina, you actually took your daughter through <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is for ten-, eleven- \/ twelve-year-olds, prior to adolescence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You had a good experience with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>We had a <em>great<\/em> experience. We had just the most <em>wonderful<\/em> weekend, and we\u2019re still seeing\u2014years later, we are seeing the benefits of that weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re on the same page with who she is in Christ\u2014how her interactions with the opposite sex \/ what she wants those to be\u2014how she wants to honor God with her body, and she has a deeper level of understanding the influence of the culture as a result of that. We recommend it <em>highly<\/em> on our website as well\u2014it\u2019s awesome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And your daughter heard about <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> and she was the one who said, \u201cCan we do that?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; yes. So I came groveling, as part of the interview today. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019re happy to reward you for being here, and you\u2019ll let us know how the weekend goes with your daughter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; yes, we will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you know, here\u2019s what teenagers need\u2014they may not be able to express it like your daughter is\u2014who can come forth and say, \u201cMom, would you get that so we could go do that?\u201d Teenagers today <em>desperately<\/em> need moms and dads to be connected, stay connected, and build bridges into their lives to help them handle some of these issues\u2014I mean, issues of sexual identity, emotional identity, how they\u2019re relating to their peers and maintaining their own sense of personhood\u2014all demands biblical training, which <em>Passport2Identity <\/em>reallytees up, like a golf ball, for the parent to be able to deliver the message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to make the parent the hero here, Bob, because that\u2019s what the kids need today. They need a parent who is assuming their responsibility in the life of the child to help them really handle some of these difficult issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; and here\u2019s what\u2019s cool\u2014we\u2019re starting to hear back from parents who, this summer, have taken a son or a daughter on a <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> getaway. What we\u2019re hearing is that this resource enabled them to have some very significant \/ very meaningful conversations with a son or a daughter that probably would not have been had if it weren\u2019t for the time away together and the tool, <em>Passport2Identity<\/em>, opening up a subject and giving you something to talk about together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about the <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> resource. There\u2019s still time this summer, or even into the fall\u2014get a weekend where you go away together to watch a football game or head off for a getaway weekend somewhere and listen together to the audio for <em>Passport2Identity<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information and to order from us online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we also have copies of the book we\u2019ve been talking about today, called <em>With All Due Respect<\/em>. At the end of the day, what we\u2019re really talking about is the importance of a strong, healthy relationship between a parent and a son or a daughter. Respect is a key part of what makes a relationship a healthy relationship. Order a copy of the book, <em>With All Due Respect,<\/em> from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the fun parts of what I get to do is that every day I get a chance to celebrate, along with some <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, a special day\u2014their anniversary. Today, I get to do that with Ray and Ahna Wheeler, who live in Winter Haven, Florida, and are celebrating their 53<sup>rd <\/sup>wedding anniversary. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Wheelers on 53 years together. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on WKES. We also want to wish a \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to Travis and Sheila Kahlstorf. They live in Esko, Minnesota. They have\u2014well, they have a few decades to go to catch up with the Wheelers\u2014they\u2019re celebrating their fourth anniversary today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether it\u2019s four years or fifty-three years\u2014or anything in between\u2014anniversaries are a <em>big<\/em> deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re important \/ they matter. It\u2019s a privilege to get to celebrate these days with you and to say: \u201cWay to go! Way to stay faithful and committed to one another, and way to make your marriage a priority.\u201d That\u2019s what we\u2019re all about, here at FamilyLife\u2014helping you with practical biblical help and hope so that your marriage does go the distance. And we want to thank those of you who partner with us in making this ministry possible through your donations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you a set of three Bible studies created as <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Connect Series. These are study guides designed for you to go through as a couple or for you to lead a small group through this material and strengthen your marriage in the process. If you\u2019re able to help with a donation of $100, we\u2019ll send you the study guides as our thank-you gift. Any donation you\u2019re able to help with is appreciated, and you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more about the teen years and especially about technology and how that can affect relationships and respect. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304114","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304114"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304114"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304114"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304114"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}