{"id":304112,"date":"2016-08-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-08-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/parenting-as-a-child-of-the-king\/"},"modified":"2016-08-03T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-08-03T15:00:00","slug":"parenting-as-a-child-of-the-king","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-as-a-child-of-the-king\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting as a Child of the King"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock talk about the importance of communicating respectfully with your teen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-03.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.79M","filesize_raw":"23901696","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2839,2850,2855],"tags":[4527,4005,4330,6053,2588,4283],"podcast_series":[8155],"cwp_profile":[9430,3401],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304112","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-attitude-problems","category-character-development","category-teens","tag-communication","tag-parents","tag-respect","tag-strong-willed-child","tag-teens","tag-wisdom","podcast_series-with-all-due-respect","cwp_profile-debbie-hitchcock","cwp_profile-nina-roesner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304112\/parenting-as-a-child-of-the-king","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304112\/parenting-as-a-child-of-the-king","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"q4qCXM2D8S\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-as-a-child-of-the-king\/\">Parenting as a Child of the King<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-as-a-child-of-the-king\/embed\/#?secret=q4qCXM2D8S\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Parenting as a Child of the King&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"q4qCXM2D8S\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock talk about the importance of communicating respectfully with your teen.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you have a teenager in your life, who is a challenge \/ hard to parent?\u00a0 Debbie Hitchcock remembers a season like that in her family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>My husband was travelling a lot at the time. So, he would be away for the week. Every week that he ended up going out of town, we would have a major meltdown because the child would want to be in control of the situation: \u201cLet me manipulate Mom.\u201d\u00a0 I will admit that it was the most difficult situation that I had ever encountered as a parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Parenting teens can be a tough assignment. We\u2019re going to talk today about how important respect is in that equation. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. When you think about teenagers and respect in the home, you typically think that\u2014at least, I think\u2014it\u2019s a one-way street. The teens need to learn how to respect Mom and Dad. I don\u2019t know that I\u2019ve ever stopped and thought to myself, \u201cMom and Dad need to learn how to respect their teen,\u201d but that\u2019s really part of the equation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It really is. In fact, Barbara and I have had these conversations as we raised six teenagers. It\u2019s a challenge to, sometimes, be drug into the emotional mud puddle by your teenager and still be speaking with respect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have a couple of authors with us today who have written a book called <em>With All Due Respect<\/em>; subtitled <em>40 Days to a More Fulfilling Relationship with Your Teens and Tweens<\/em>. Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Debbie \/ Nina, welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I almost said to you, Nina, \u201cWelcome back,\u201d because you\u2019ve been here before with your other book, <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>. So, this is in the same line of communication that we\u2019ve talked about before, except <em>that<\/em> book really talks more about respecting your husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Why did you decide to write a book that is about respecting your child?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Well, I have\u2014Jim and I have benefited tremendously, as a family, as a result of Debbie Hitchcock\u2019s experiences. We are about a little over a decade behind her and her husband Dave in their parenting experience. We\u2019ve learned a lot from them. So, when God prompted our hearts, we started this journey\u2014having been on the receiving end of their wisdom, and seeing that show up in her family, and it\u2019s shown up in ours. So, our relationships are directly related to what she\u2019s been through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You and Jim have three children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes; we do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Debbie, you and your husband Dave have four. So\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014you\u2019ve been in the warzone of the teenage years. They are challenging years; aren\u2019t they?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>There is no doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And this is all about your story of how you learned the process of speaking with respect \/ operating out of respect for your teens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>It\u2019s all about the way you communicate with them and trying to understand things from their perspective\u2014you know: \u201cWhat are we modeling for our kids?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You, as a parent, had an experience with one of your four kids that took you into a parenting place that you had not expected you would go when you guys first got married \/ when you started having children. At what point, with this child, did you start to realize, \u201cThis is going to require more of me than I had imagined\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, I will admit that this is the child that was the difficult child from birth. It was one of those\u2014you know, the first one sleeps and they do all the right things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou just kind of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>\u2014go along with the process. And this one didn\u2019t sleep. So, it started, early on\u2014but I thought I had it kind of under control until\u2014when the child turned 16\u2014it was like a switch flipped. All of a sudden, this child had no interest in listening to <em>anything<\/em> that my husband and I had to say. It was a situation where they had arrived \/ they were an adult in their mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And our listeners will realize we\u2019re protecting this child\u2019s identity by referring to him or her as <em>this<\/em> <em>child<\/em> throughout this conversation. Was there a turning point event when the child hit 16, where you said, \u201cOkay; now, what do we do?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, we were struggling for quite a while. We had put this child in counseling; and finally, it was when that child started sharing what was going on in their world with a younger sibling that I went: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, my goodness!\u00a0 We can\u2019t go there.\u201d\u00a0 At the time, my youngest was an 11-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, they were finding out things they ought not to be finding out about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Absolutely. And\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What kinds of things were going on in your 16-year-old\u2019s world?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, it had to do with friendships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>It had to do with a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>It had to do with anything that was edgy. I would expect the child to be in a certain place at a certain time\u2014they weren\u2019t there. So, the trust factor was something that had been severed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Any boundaries you were setting up had been completely ignored. The child is doing whatever he or she wants to do at that point and starting to make some decisions that you are becoming aware of that are unhealthy decisions \/ bad decisions related to relationships \/ related to peer group stuff\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014all of that; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it ultimately reached the point of a crisis that demanded a true line in the sand that\u2019s different than a two- or three-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely. And I will admit that it was the most difficult situation that I had ever encountered as a parent. We\u2019re talking with the counselors. The moment that we had found out that everything that was going on was being shared with the younger child, the counselors\u2014we had three of them that had been involved in the process\u2014those three counselors got together, and looked at us and said, \u201cWe really think you need to remove this child from your home.\u201d My husband and I were devastated. It was like, \u201cOh, my goodness; we really <em>can\u2019t<\/em> control this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Now, we\u2019re talking about a 16-year-old now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Legally, you have the ability to place a child in another spot. After they get 18, you don\u2019t have the same legal control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Right. It was like\u2014you know, we kind of jokingly said it was like a Hail Mary play\u2014we were desperate. If we didn\u2019t do it, it was going to\u2014it was already impacting the rest of the family; but if we did do it, what was it going to do to the relationship?\u00a0 You know, we had to weigh the odds. The relationship was not very healthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You had to be talking about destructive behavior at this point that was damaging to the other children in the family\u2014not only to that child \/ himself or herself\u2014but to your extended family at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely. And the volume kept rising in the house, which is typical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Debbie: <\/strong>When you feel like you have no control\u2014and I mean, I did what every other parent typically does\u2014and that is: \u201cOkay; what can I control in this situation?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there is anger, there is shouting, there\u2019s slamming of doors. There\u2019s: \u201cYou can\u2019t tell me what to do!\u00a0 I\u2019ll do whatever I want. I\u2019m leaving. I\u2019m taking the car. Try and stop me.\u201d\u00a0 There is that kind of behavior going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Oh, yes; for sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And as a parent, I\u2019m thinking\u2014in that situation, you think: \u201cOkay; rewards or punishment?\u00a0 So, what can we take away?\u00a0 How do we ground the child, or how do we remove privileges so that the child feels some pain for their choices?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m sure you did that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Definitely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that didn\u2019t work?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>They didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Generally, Bob, by the time the parent gets to where Debbie was with her husband, you\u2019ve exhausted all of those options. It\u2019s reached such a point of crisis\u2014in terms of emotional meltdowns, distrust, and destructive behavior\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that the parents either have to move to protect the child from himself or herself in terms of really, maybe, saving their lives or you\u2019re going to have something happen that\u2019s going to be permanent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, when you talk about putting a child out of the home, at age 16, you can\u2019t just say, \u201cPack your suitcase and hit the road,\u201d or can you?\u00a0 Is that what you did?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, we ended up working with the counselors. We found a boarding school that had a therapist there, and we just\u2014we had the child removed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, when you went to this child and said, \u201cThis isn\u2019t working\u2014the anger \/ the disobedience\u2014all of this,\u201d you didn\u2019t do a \u201cIf you don\u2019t shape up, we\u2019re sending you to boarding school\u201d?\u00a0 Or did you use that as a threat, or did you just say, \u201cThis is where you\u2019re going, and it\u2019s non-negotiable\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, what we ended up doing is\u2014we tried to let them know that: \u201cThings are not going well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe may have to do something drastic if things don\u2019t change here.\u201d\u00a0 One of the things we talked about was sending that child somewhere else to live. The response, quite honestly, was \u201cSounds better than here!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s basically an intervention\u2014I mean, where you go to the child and say: \u201cHere\u2019s what is about to happen. We\u2019re going to X-place. You\u2019re going to be there for this length of time, and you\u2019re going to be under their care, with our complete permission in that situation. And the hope is that this can help you even out and, hopefully\u201d\u2014you may not say it to the child like this\u2014\u201cfinish the process of growing up and beginning to deal with life as a mature, young adult.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you thinking that six months at boarding school would, maybe, be the turn-around \/ that would be the wakeup call that this child would go, \u201cI now see where I\u2019ve been acting out,\u201d and come back and say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cThank you for sending me to boarding school. I appreciate it.\u201d\u00a0 Is that what you were hoping might happen?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, we can all hope for those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>I was a little more realistic than that and knew that it wasn\u2019t going to totally change; but I\u2019ll be honest with you\u2014it was something, for me, that I was like: \u201cOkay; is this me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>\u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u00a0 Who\u2019s really running this show?\u201d\u00a0 In that process, you start questioning yourself, plus you have people around you that are kind of pointing fingers and going, \u201cWell, you\u2019re just not doing it right.\u201d\u00a0 So, for me, I just felt like, if I didn\u2019t do <em>something<\/em>\u2014I had three counselors, who were saying, \u201cYou need to go make this happen, or you\u2019re going to lose your family.\u201d\u00a0 I knew that it would, at least, give us perspective on: \u201cIs this our problem?\u00a0 Is this the child\u2019s problem?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are we at?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here is what I just want to applaud in this situation\u2014your decision with your husband to go seek outside help and allow some wiser, more balanced voices to speak into your lives\u2014was probably, not only what saved the life of your child, but perhaps, your marriage and your family because a child like this can become the center of the universe. It\u2019s like\u2014instead of all the planets revolving around the sun, they all start revolving around Pluto; and the child is in a power play. They don\u2019t even know how powerful they are; but they are manipulating \/ they are controlling. The parent ends up evaluating his or her own parenting style and either blames each other, as parents, or blames herself or himself. As a result, the child, in the meantime, is still in control\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and you\u2019re not taking the action you need to take in that situation to bring hope and healing to the child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, the good news is you reached outside yourself\u2014you got some help \/ you had some other people speaking into this. You didn\u2019t just isolate and pretend like everything is fine here and try to deal with it only in your family. Was this having an impact on your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>It was in the sense that my husband was travelling a lot at the time. So, he would be away for the week. Every week that he ended up going out of town, we would have a major meltdown because the child would want to be in control of the situation: \u201cLet me manipulate Mom.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This child had your number. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely. Our family <em>moved<\/em> for this child\u2014so we tried that as the first step.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You went to a different community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>We went to a different school system. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You tried to change the environment to see if the environment change would cause your child to go, \u201cOh, I see where I\u2019ve been wrong.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That didn\u2019t work. You guys finally decide on sending the child to boarding school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you see any change in your child\u2019s temperament or personality as a result of the boarding school?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Most of the change happened in my family at home. What really helped was\u2014it allowed my husband and me to sit and talk and be on the same page because the conflict was not in our face every day. It allowed us to sit down with the other children and say, \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve taken this step.\u201d What was interesting about it was that two of the kids came back to us and said, \u201cIt\u2019s about time.\u201d\u00a0 That spoke volumes to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ve talked to parents in this situation, who have said to me: \u201cWe almost feel guilty, but we really like not having this child around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe have peace that wasn\u2019t there before.\u201d\u00a0 And there\u2019s this ambivalence \/ this guilt that\u2019s like, \u201cIt sure is nice not to have the child around.\u201d You feel like you\u2019re being disloyal or you\u2019re not loving your child to express that; but a child can so affect the atmosphere that to have those moments of peace again, it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay; there can be a normal here.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, for your children to come and say: \u201cGood choice. Way to go, Mom\/Dad. Thanks for stepping up in this situation,\u201d\u2014I think they\u2019re pointing out something I can\u2019t tell you how strongly I feel about this\u2014parents of children\u2014when they go through situations like this, they not only move houses \/ move schools\u2014they will move mountains for that child because a parent\u2019s heart is a child walking around outside their body; okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>A parent is trying to protect the child from experiencing all this harm and damage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are set up to be enablers. That\u2019s why you go the second mile, the third mile, the fourth mile, the twentieth mile. Finally, to have a child come to you\u2014two of your children\u2014and say, \u201cFinally,\u201d\u2014you made the tough choice, you drew the line in the sand, created boundaries, and you stuck to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I\u2019ve still got to know\u2014at the end of boarding school \/ six months of boarding school\u2014you go pick up your child from boarding school with, maybe, some hope. I guess there had been communication. Had there been letters, phone calls\u2014any of that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>There were letters, and we would end up talking to the child with the counselor on a weekly basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>So, the communication was happening. We were also talking, you know, with a counselor on the side, which helped us in terms of, \u201cDo we have hope?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; did you have hope at the end of six months that maybe some progress had been made and you could live together under the same roof?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, we knew we had made some progress\u2014the relationship was still intact. When we went and got the child, we ended up going away to a dude ranch for about four days afterwards just because\u2014one, we knew the child would really enjoy it; but we knew we needed to reconnect on a different level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you say the child had repented at that point and was seeking reconciliation with you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>No; I don\u2019t believe that was the case\u2014I wish it was. The child came home\u2014was able to find a job. Things started moving forward. While things were still rocky, we knew that it was important for us to make sure that the other kids were protected as the child came home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How did you do that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Well, I think the biggest thing that we did was we would always\u2014whenever the other kids had difficulties interacting with this child, we would make sure that: \u201cI understand we have an issue. Let\u2019s go talk about it.\u201d\u00a0 We would do that in private. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think it\u2019s worth pointing out\u2014after the child has been out of the home for a while\u2014in this case, a year?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The smoke has kind of cleared at that point. You\u2019re emotionally back on an even keel, as parents, and you\u2019re thinking squarely. You\u2019re thinking straight, and you\u2019re back in control of your family rather than being in a place to be manipulated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Right. And I had the confidence at that point. You know, we wrap ourselves so much in identity in our kids that we forget whose we are. Instead of a horrible parent, I\u2019m a child of the King. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>Instead of being someone who just doesn\u2019t get it right, I can be brave in making sure that\u2014if my relationship with God is right and I really work on connecting with other people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie: <\/strong>\u2014then I can do what God has asked me to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And what you\u2019re identifying here\u2014and Dennis, you speak to this often\u2014our human relationships are a mirror \/ a reflection of what kind of relationship we have with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That how we are doing, one on one\u2014with our spouse, with our kids, with our extended family\u2014gives us insight into the condition of our soul and what our walk with God is like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what Debbie pointed out here is something that\u2019s going to sound like a trite verse to quote in the midst of such chaos; but Romans 8:28 is really true in this situation: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAll things [<em>do<\/em>] work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.\u201d\u00a0 You can end up growing. You can end up, as far as it is possible with you, being at peace with all men. You may not be able to control the child \/ that child has to grow up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what I want to remind parents of\u2014before we tell them how to get a copy of your book\u2014this can happen to the best of families. This is not necessarily a deficiency in the parents that produce a prodigal. I\u2019m telling you\u2014you\u2019re not raising a robot. You can do everything as right as you know how to do it before God\u2014you can follow the Bible \/ you can pray for the child\u2014<em>they<\/em> have to get it. <em>They<\/em> have to put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ and finish the process of growing from childhood, through adolescence, into adulthood and become an adult follower of Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s always been helpful for me to remember that the story of the prodigal son in Luke, Chapter 15\u2014and thought to myself, \u201cOkay; if God, who is pictured here as the father of the prodigal\u2014if God can have prodigals and, certainly, He has had prodigals \/ I\u2019m one of them\u2014then, I guess we can have prodigals as parents as well.\u201d\u00a0 Yet, we still want to make sure we\u2019re doing all we can do to help our children grow in wisdom, in character, and help get them pointed in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you ladies have helped us think about that, especially around the subject of respect, in the book that you\u2019ve written called <em>With All Due Respect: 40 Days to a More Fulfilling Relationship with Your Teens and Tweens<\/em>. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us when you go online to FamilyLifeToday.com. The website, again\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a couple of couples we want to acknowledge today, who are celebrating anniversaries\u2014Jonathon and Jocelynn Hubbard of Rockville, Maryland\u2014celebrating seven years together as a couple. Then, Paul and Lauran Van Der Eems of Lower Waterford, Vermont, are celebrating their 26<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary today. We just want to say\u201d \u201cHappy Anniversary! Congratulations!\u00a0 We hope it\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> day.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think every anniversary milestone ought to be acknowledged and celebrated because it\u2019s a significant milestone. It\u2019s another year of faithfulness, and commitment, and love for one another\u2014keeping your vows. We think that\u2019s important, especially in this culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we are joined by many of you who share that conviction\u2014many of you who have supported this ministry for years and who continue to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you can help support us today, we have a set of three Bible studies we\u2019d love to send you. These are studies in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> Connect Series. They are designed for small group use, or they can be used by a husband and a wife together. We\u2019ll send you three studies if you\u2019re able to help support us today with a donation of $100 or more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate every donation we receive, here at FamilyLife. We\u2019re listener-supported. Without your donations, we couldn\u2019t continue this ministry. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk more about how important it is to cultivate a healthy relationship with your son or your daughter before the teen years hit and how to maintain and press into that relationship even during the teen years. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can be here with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. 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