{"id":304110,"date":"2016-08-02T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-08-02T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/changing-relationships\/"},"modified":"2016-08-02T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-08-02T15:00:00","slug":"changing-relationships","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/changing-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Changing Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The kids are grown and gone. Now what? Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates talk about the changing relationships a woman is likely to experience once she arrives at the empty nest. Barbara and Susan give some helpful suggestions for embracing this stage of life and intentionally improving the relationship she has with her husband, children, and friends.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates give some helpful suggestions for embracing the empty nest stage of life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/fltoday.s3.amazonaws.com\/fl2016-08-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"42.5M","filesize_raw":"44559990","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2913,2093],"tags":[4103],"podcast_series":[7675],"cwp_profile":[3052,3057],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304110","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-empty-nest-and-midlife","category-women","tag-empty-nest","podcast_series-how-empty-is-your-nest","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-susan-yates","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304110\/changing-relationships","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304110\/changing-relationships","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"vzdklwjQiw\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/changing-relationships\/\">Changing Relationships<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/changing-relationships\/embed\/#?secret=vzdklwjQiw\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Changing Relationships&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"vzdklwjQiw\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/fltoday.s3.amazonaws.com\/fl2016-08-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you work for Hallmark, keep listening. Susan Yates may have a suggestion for you here on a whole new line of party invitations.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>I would like to know, with a show of hands, how many of you have ever been to a party to celebrate the beginning of the empty nest?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 One, two\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Three.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u2014four\u2014oh, yay!\u00a0 [Laughter] Good for you all! You may be on the cutting age of a new movement in America. [Laughter]\u00a0 We hope so because we feel like this is a season, not to be dreaded, but to be <em>celebrated<\/em>\u2014and oh, how we need to celebrate in the seriousness of life today.\n\n[Segment of <em>I Just Want to<\/em> <em>Celebrate<\/em>]\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. I don\u2019t know who\u2019s version of <em>Celebrate<\/em> that was\u2014was that Rare Earth?\u2014I think it was; yes. Celebrating the empty nest may sound like a paradox \/ a contradiction in terms, but it\u2019s actually not. You can do it!\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You said it was a while before it dawned on you that the empty nest had finally arrived.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0But I mean, you knew\u2014\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I really had all these grand plans of how I thought we would\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; he did. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014disengage from being parents. We would flip a switch\u2014in true male-style\u2014\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Barbara<\/strong>: He did.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and we\u2019d just be driving off into the sunset in a convertible, laughing and having fun.\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the switch didn\u2019t flip?\u00a0 Is that what you are saying?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, my goodness!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 The switch may have ground its way to the other side\u2014it took a couple of years, Bob.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara, let me ask you\u2014and by the way, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Thanks.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you could have flipped the switch, do you think Dennis could have flipped the switch?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So he was ready. He didn\u2019t have the emotional processing moving into the empty nest that you did?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, he had more than I expected. I was kind of surprised because every once in a while he would walk through the house or walk around the backyard and go, \u201cGosh, I really miss those years with the kids.\u201d\u00a0 It would surprise me because I didn\u2019t really expect him to <em>feel<\/em> those things that I was feeling. I knew I would, but I didn\u2019t expect him to do so.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d come home from work and the car would be surrounded, like it was being invaded by a group of\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, all those years our kids were home.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes\u2014bandits. All of a sudden, you pull up in front of the house and\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Sometimes, nobody is there because I wasn\u2019t always there. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014there is nothing happening!\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t have to be home\u2014it was great!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember you talking\u2014you\u2019d come into the office. The way you described it\u2014you said, \u201cThere\u2019s no tension against the muscle,\u201d\u2014this muscle you\u2019ve been working out with for 20-plus years.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. It\u2019s called the Daddy Muscle. I mean, you\u2019ve had to be a daddy\u2014now, I\u2019m still a dad \/ I have adult children\u2014you know, you go home, you leave work, you pull up in front of the house, and you get ready for your second job\u2014being a husband and being a father. Well, all of a sudden, the father-thing is out of there\u2014I mean no tension against the muscle.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You [Barbara] spent the first part of the empty nest years together with your friend, Susan Yates, who is a pastor\u2019s wife\u2014lives in the Washington, DC, area.\n\nThe two of you collaborated on a book called <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>. Then, you\u2019ve had the opportunity, in a number of settings, to speak to women on this subject. You were at Park Cities Presbyterian Church in Dallas, a while back, and spoke to a group of women.\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou outlined the key questions that women ask themselves during the empty nest years. Already, this week, we have heard you address two of those. Refresh us on what those were.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>The first two questions are: \u201cAm I the only one who feels this way?\u201d\u00a0 The empty nest can be a very lonely time for women, and you are feeling things you didn\u2019t expect to feel\u2014 and, maybe, some of them that you did. There is a real isolation factor in the empty nest. So I think most women are asking the question, \u201cAm I the only one who feels this way?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is back to what Susan said at the beginning of the broadcast\u2014there aren\u2019t celebration parties, announcing to the world: \u201cI\u2019m now transitioning into this new calling and season of life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Exactly. The second question is: \u201cWhat is happening to my relationships?\u201d because you kind of look at each other\u2014the kids are not there\u2014and you think: \u201cOkay; who are you and who am I?\u00a0 What is our relationship like?\u201d\u00a0 You realize that you need to, perhaps, do some renegotiating and recalibrating in your relationship.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nThen, your kids want to be treated differently because they see themselves as adults and independent. You\u2019ve got to figure out how to relate to adult kids, and you\u2019ve never done that before. There is a lot going on that affects the important relationships in your life. So, the second question women ask is: \u201cWhat is happening to my relationships?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we are going to pick up with Part Two of your message with Susan Yates as she introduces the third question women ask during the empty nest years.\n\n[Recording]\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u201cWho have I become?\u201d As we all know, the empty nest is a major transition; and transitions are just plain awkward. The reality is\u2014that we, whatever season of life we are in, expect stability to be the norm\u2014but in fact, transition is more the norm in daily life. Just look back at the transitions we have already experienced\u2014leaving home, marriage, the first baby, a new job, a new boss and an old job, financial loss, moves, illnesses, a crisis with a child, a national or international crisis.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWith each one of these transitions, we keep waiting for life to calm down; but the reality is\u2014life never calms down \/ it just gets more complicated. We long for a period of predictability and stability. We think that that\u2019s the way life should be\u2014predictable, and stable, and calm\u2014it even seems to be so for some of our friends.\n\nMy sister is very wise. Often, when we look at other women\u2014as you perhaps have done in this room this morning\u2014you see another woman, and she looks so perfectly put together. You sit there and imagine her life is all together\u2014her marriage is great, her kids are great, and she is in stability and calm.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nAnd my sister says: \u201cThere is always data missing. [Laughter]\u00a0 You don\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s helpful to remember that.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>We are all much more alike than we give the perception of being. The empty nest is messy. Sometimes, in order to figure out whom we are and what we are to do in the season, we need to take a break. It\u2019s really important to take a break. In all honesty, Barbara was much better at taking a break than I was. I want her to tell you about that.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, part of the reason I took a break was because I was sort of forced to because I began the empty nest in a very emotionally-depleted state. I knew I couldn\u2019t jump into the next thing \/ I didn\u2019t have the energy to jump into the next thing, but Susan did. I realized I needed some time off. So, what I did is\u2014I just sort of pulled back from things. I said, \u201cNo,\u201d to a lot of things \/ I didn\u2019t join things.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI stepped back my involvement to give myself some time to recover, frankly.\n\nBut as I did that, in that season\u2014I did that during my youngest daughter\u2019s freshman year in college\u2014as I did that, I discovered I needed that break, as an empty nester, as much for my entrance into the empty nest as well as I did to recover from the trials and struggles that we had been through with our daughter. I discovered that I needed time to re-evaluate my life. I needed time to look objectively at who I had become over the last 28 years. I was a different person in many ways than the one I was when I got married. I needed time to think. I just needed time for a pause in the pace of my life.\n\nI think other women do too \/ I think all of us need a break. All of us need a pause after the intense years of parenting that are so 24\/7, year after year after year.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nSusan and I want to give you permission\u2014especially those of you \/ all of you who raised your hand who aren\u2019t quite there yet\u2014we want to give you permission to take a break that first year after your youngest leaves.\n\nDon\u2019t feel like you have to jump into the next activity. Don\u2019t feel like you have to sign up: \u201cNow that I\u2019m free, I can do 100 things that I have wanted to do.\u201d\u00a0 You may want to do that, but it would be wise if you took a break.\u00a0 It could be as short as a weekend away, where you retreat by yourself and do some thinking and evaluating. You may want to take a couple of weeks off; you may want to take a couple of months off; or maybe, a whole semester and not do anything. Pull back, and evaluate your life, and think about: \u201cWhat is it that I want to do with the rest of my life?\u201d\n\nAs you do that, think about a couple \/ two things in particular. We have other things for you to think about in our book \/ but two in particular are: Look back over your life and say, \u201cWhat am I thankful for?\u201d and begin to make a list of the things that you are thankful for\u2014the things that God has done\u2014all of the good things.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nIt is so easy to focus on the bad things and the losses. \u201cWhat are those good things that I can be thankful for?\u201d\n\nThen, secondly, you might want to evaluate: \u201cWhat are the issues, what are the relationships, what are the needs that I have avoided because I have been so busy?\u00a0 What are the gaps in my marriage?\u00a0 What are the gaps in my other relationships?\u00a0 What are things in my life that I have sort of swept aside because I have been so busy raising kids that I dare not ignore anymore \/ that now that I have the time I can focus on these issues in my life?\u201d\n\nIt would, also, be a good time to spend time with your husband, just thinking ahead: \u201cWhat do we want to do for the rest of our lives?\u00a0 What do we want the rest of our lives to look like?\u201d\u00a0 As Dennis and I have talked about this, we have made some promises to each other. A couple of them are\u2014one is we have promised each other we are not going to become gripey, cynical, old people. [Laughter] We are already seeing how easy that would be to become that way because things are starting to fall apart.\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe don\u2019t like the way we feel some days\u2014you know, we\u2019re creaky\u2014and it would be real easy to gripe about that. We have committed to one another that we are not going to do that.\n\nSecondly, we have promised that we are going to do everything we can to stay healthy, to stay strong mentally, and to stay on the cutting edge. Then, the third thing that we have decided together, as a couple, is that we intend to use our lives for God\u2019s purposes for as long as He gives us breath. We want to be engaged in Kingdom activities. None of us knows how long we have left. We may only have a couple of years \/ we may have ten years; but I want my life, and Dennis wants his life\u2014and I know that John and Susan feel the same way\u2014we want our lives to be maximized for the Kingdom of God for the years that we have left.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>Another thing that we\u2019ve realized is that an important element in transitioning from our past purpose of parenting to our next purpose in life is simply the importance of taking some time to celebrate.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou know, we, women, are really good at celebrating the milestones of life\u2014the big ones \/ the little ones. We have baby showers. We have our first child\u2019s lost tooth, or our grandchild loses a tooth\u2014you know, it\u2019s a big deal. The first day of school, the last day of school, graduation, wedding showers\u2014but I would like to know, with a show of hands, how many of you have ever been to a party to celebrate the beginning of the empty nest. [Laughter]\u00a0 One, two\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Three.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u2014four\u2014oh, yay!\u00a0 Good for you all!\u00a0 You may be on the cutting edge of a new movement in America. [Laughter]\u00a0 We hope so because we feel like this is a season, not to be dreaded,\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u2014but to be <em>celebrated<\/em>. Oh, how we need to celebrate in the seriousness of life today.\n\nWhen Barbara and I were working on this project, we asked three gals\u2014who are friends of ours, who we call \u201cThe Party Girls,\u201d who live in Pennsylvania\u2014if they would design three different parties that you could throw to celebrate the empty nest.\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe have that in Chapter 10 in our book\u2014complete with invitations. [Laughter]\u00a0 Yes.\n\nSo far, we\u2019ve looked at three questions: \u201cDoes anyone feel this way?\u201d \u201cWhat is happening to my relationships?\u201d and \u201cWho have I become?\u201d\u00a0 But we have a final question.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>The fourth question is: \u201cWhat is my new purpose?\u201d\u00a0 One of the benefits of the empty nest is the nature of its transition. It is a turning point in all of our lives as women. Sometimes, it\u2019s uncomfortable; but nonetheless, it can be a season that can be full of benefits and full of opportunities because we can pull back \/ we can say, \u201cWhy am I here?\u201d\n\nIn our generation, we are healthier, we have greater resources, and we will probably live longer than previous generations of women. It is a wonderful opportunity for us, in this season of life, to look forward to the empty nest.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>One of the things that Barbara and I have discovered, as we have talked to other women, is how many women\u2014now, in the season of the empty nest\u2014are asking spiritual questions. There have many times of recommitment for both Barbara and me over the years\u2014we\u2019ve had many questions along the way \/ many doubts. There have been uncomfortable times; there have been hard times; but spiritual growth is much like physical growth\u2014there are growth spurts and there are really awkward hard times\u2014but the fact is that we are still growing.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>So, no matter where you are in your own spiritual journey, we really feel like this season is a great time to re-evaluate your life and to re-evaluate your spiritual relationship with God at the same time.\n\nThere is a verse in Ephesians\u2014Chapter 2, verse 10\u2014that says, \u201cFor we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 As long as we are on this earth, God has a plan for us; and He wants to be working in our lives.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou can apply that to your life and say, \u201cGod has a plan for me.\u201d\u00a0 Each and every one of you\u2014God has a specific plan for you for how He wants to use you for the rest of your life. As you transition into the empty nest or as you are adjusting in your early years of the empty nest, take some time to think, \u201cWhat am I good at?\u201d Evaluate your life and evaluate where you can plug in to make the biggest difference for eternity.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>Let me give you a little snapshot of three friends that we have who started something quite by accident. They live in a small town in Pennsylvania, and they walk every morning. They did the big walk up the hill. Then, their reward for their exercise\u2014they are all empty nesters\u2014is to meet at Starbucks. One morning, they were at Starbucks, which is sort of the center of town. They were sitting at a table \/ they had their lattes, and they noticed a young mom in tears standing in line to get her coffee.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd my friend Sue said to her\u2014she didn\u2019t really know her\u2014but she said: \u201cHey, come sit with us. You look like you need a hug.\u201d\u00a0 This young mother went over and sat with my three empty-nest friends. She began to pour out her heart about a situation she had with one of her children\u2014it was a pre-teenager, and she was in the throes of desperation.\n\nNow, my three wise empty-nest friends had been through so much of what she was going through. They could identify with her feelings. They, themselves, had been through different issues; and they were able to listen to her, to comfort her, and yet, also, to give her some very practical advice simply because they had experience and wisdom.\n\nAs my friends sat there and visited, after a little while, the young mom got up. As she left, she turned to them and said: \u201cOh, thank you so much!\u00a0 This has <em>so<\/em> encouraged me.\u201d\u00a0 My friend Sue said: \u201cWell, it\u2019s just free advice!\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cYou can take it or leave it.\u201d\u00a0 In that moment was born the Take It or Leave It Club. [Laughter]\u00a0 Sue, Sally, and Jackie began to set up a regular table at Starbucks after their morning walks. [Laughter] Word spread through this community that this was the table where hassled young moms could go and sit and be comforted by older moms.\n\nGod wants us to be what I call F.A.T. Women\u2014faithful, available, and teachable. [Laughter]\u00a0 It\u2019s a great acronym; isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. Because we know you women have these nurturing skills and mothering skills, we want to challenge you to this Take It or Leave It Club idea to encourage young moms; but we want to give you another challenge as a way that you might want to care for children or be involved in providing relief for children.\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nAlmost every county in this country has a foster care system, and almost every one of those foster care systems is broken\u2014they are all in need of great help. They are always stretched thin, they don\u2019t have enough resources, and they don\u2019t have enough people to help.\n\nWell, some of you love babies \/ some of you love children. You could provide a home. Maybe, God wants to use you to recruit other families who can do this or get involved in just helping the system work better. We, as Christians, need to be involved in helping the helpless and helping these children who don\u2019t have families.\n\nWe, in our generation, need to unite in living second-season lives of great purpose. We don\u2019t want to settle for mediocrity. Time is too short. Why do that?\u00a0 God has great purposes for our lives. We want to challenge you to discover those and not settle for mediocrity but live for the Kingdom of God.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening, again, today to Part Two of a message from Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates on living life in the empty nest\u2014getting ready for it and, then, being there. You and Susan and her husband John and your husband Dennis just spent some time together\u2014the four of you got away and did a little vacationing together?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>We did \/ we had a great time.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you talk about your empty nest adjustments at all?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think we talked about our adjustments because I think all four of us are far enough past that, but we did talk about our lives, and what we are looking forward to in the future,,, and the plans that we all want to do. We had great conversations about the future and where we want to head.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Those kinds of relationships, especially in the empty nest years, are vital; aren\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; I think they are really important because I think the danger in the empty-nest years is to become isolated because our relationships revolved around our kids, and those families, and those parents.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI think it\u2019s important, in the empty nest, that we become intentional in developing couple friendships, and woman-to-woman friendships, and man-to-man friendships that are not tied to our children. We need that for the long-haul.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Usually, it is our friends who mirror back to us answers to questions we are asking as we transition into this season of life. In the back of one of the chapters\u2014I think it\u2019s Chapter Nine\u2014on \u201cTake a Break and Evaluate Your Life\u201d\u2014Barbara and Susan have a number of questions in here. I do think these questions are best answered by your spouse and some of the friends who know you the best. It really can be a satisfying time.\n\nI know there are some of the moms who are listening to us right now\u2014or maybe a dad or two\u2014in the early stages of your family\u2014you are listening to us; and you are saying, \u201cYou know, this is going to be a long way off.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know what?\u00a0 It happens in a blink; and you need to prepare, get ready, and you need to do it right.\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and to have these questions that you have put here at the end of each chapter of your book gives a reader an opportunity to really ponder through some of the same things you have pondered through, as a mom who was new to the empty-nest season of life and weren\u2019t sure exactly which direction to go\u2014to be able to think through these questions and be prepared for it\u2014or if you are in the middle of it, to be able to find some help and counsel to navigate your way through it. I think it will be extremely helpful for many of our listeners.\n\nAgain, we have the book, <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>,in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy of the book. Order it from us online; again, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nNow, do you know Brian and Candyce DeKruyff?\u00a0 The DeKruyffs live in Prattville, Alabama. They listen to WLBF\u2014that\u2019s where they hear <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. They\u2019ve been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> a couple of times. They help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Today, August 2, they are celebrating their 20<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. It was 20 years ago\u2014in fact, it was right when they were getting married and the year after they got married\u2014that\u2019s when they went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. I am here to suggest to the DeKruyffs: \u201cIt\u2019s time for your 20-year tune-up. You need to get back to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and get your tune-up done; okay?\u00a0 \u2018Happy anniversary!\u2019 as you guys celebrate today.\u201d\n\nWe think anniversaries are important to celebrate. They are a big deal, and we\u2019ve been helping couples celebrate anniversaries for decades. In fact, last week, we celebrated our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary as a ministry.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019re spending this year focusing on how important anniversaries are. And I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have partnered with us to make the ministry of FamilyLife possible over the last four decades.\n\nIf you are able to help with a gift today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d if your gift is over $100, by sending you a set of three study guides created for <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Connect Series. These are three separate study guides designed to help you, as a couple, or to help you and your small group go through significant themes related to keeping your marriage healthy and strong. It\u2019s our gift to you when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation; or when you mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO\n\nBox 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nAnd let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever support you are able to provide for this ministry.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about the years that precede the empty nest. It\u2019s the years when you\u2019ve got teenagers around the house, and those can be challenging years as well. We\u2019ll talk about how important respect is in the home when you\u2019re parenting teenagers. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. See you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song:\u00a0\u00a0 <em>I Just Want to Celebrate<\/em>\n\nArtist:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rare Earth\n\nAlbum:\u00a0\u00a0 <em>20th Century Masters\u2014The Millennium Collection<\/em> (p) 2001 Universal Motown\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. 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Rainey and Susan Yates give some helpful suggestions for embracing the empty nest stage of life.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-08-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you work for Hallmark, keep listening. Susan Yates may have a suggestion for you here on a whole new line of party invitations.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>I would like to know, with a show of hands, how many of you have ever been to a party to celebrate the beginning of the empty nest?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 One, two\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Three.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u2014four\u2014oh, yay!\u00a0 [Laughter] Good for you all! You may be on the cutting age of a new movement in America. [Laughter]\u00a0 We hope so because we feel like this is a season, not to be dreaded, but to be <em>celebrated<\/em>\u2014and oh, how we need to celebrate in the seriousness of life today.\n\n[Segment of <em>I Just Want to<\/em> <em>Celebrate<\/em>]\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. I don\u2019t know who\u2019s version of <em>Celebrate<\/em> that was\u2014was that Rare Earth?\u2014I think it was; yes. Celebrating the empty nest may sound like a paradox \/ a contradiction in terms, but it\u2019s actually not. You can do it!\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You said it was a while before it dawned on you that the empty nest had finally arrived.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0But I mean, you knew\u2014\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I really had all these grand plans of how I thought we would\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; he did. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014disengage from being parents. We would flip a switch\u2014in true male-style\u2014\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Barbara<\/strong>: He did.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and we\u2019d just be driving off into the sunset in a convertible, laughing and having fun.\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the switch didn\u2019t flip?\u00a0 Is that what you are saying?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, my goodness!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 The switch may have ground its way to the other side\u2014it took a couple of years, Bob.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara, let me ask you\u2014and by the way, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Thanks.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you could have flipped the switch, do you think Dennis could have flipped the switch?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So he was ready. He didn\u2019t have the emotional processing moving into the empty nest that you did?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, he had more than I expected. I was kind of surprised because every once in a while he would walk through the house or walk around the backyard and go, \u201cGosh, I really miss those years with the kids.\u201d\u00a0 It would surprise me because I didn\u2019t really expect him to <em>feel<\/em> those things that I was feeling. I knew I would, but I didn\u2019t expect him to do so.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d come home from work and the car would be surrounded, like it was being invaded by a group of\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, all those years our kids were home.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes\u2014bandits. All of a sudden, you pull up in front of the house and\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Sometimes, nobody is there because I wasn\u2019t always there. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014there is nothing happening!\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t have to be home\u2014it was great!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember you talking\u2014you\u2019d come into the office. The way you described it\u2014you said, \u201cThere\u2019s no tension against the muscle,\u201d\u2014this muscle you\u2019ve been working out with for 20-plus years.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. It\u2019s called the Daddy Muscle. I mean, you\u2019ve had to be a daddy\u2014now, I\u2019m still a dad \/ I have adult children\u2014you know, you go home, you leave work, you pull up in front of the house, and you get ready for your second job\u2014being a husband and being a father. Well, all of a sudden, the father-thing is out of there\u2014I mean no tension against the muscle.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You [Barbara] spent the first part of the empty nest years together with your friend, Susan Yates, who is a pastor\u2019s wife\u2014lives in the Washington, DC, area.\n\nThe two of you collaborated on a book called <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>. Then, you\u2019ve had the opportunity, in a number of settings, to speak to women on this subject. You were at Park Cities Presbyterian Church in Dallas, a while back, and spoke to a group of women.\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou outlined the key questions that women ask themselves during the empty nest years. Already, this week, we have heard you address two of those. Refresh us on what those were.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>The first two questions are: \u201cAm I the only one who feels this way?\u201d\u00a0 The empty nest can be a very lonely time for women, and you are feeling things you didn\u2019t expect to feel\u2014 and, maybe, some of them that you did. There is a real isolation factor in the empty nest. So I think most women are asking the question, \u201cAm I the only one who feels this way?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is back to what Susan said at the beginning of the broadcast\u2014there aren\u2019t celebration parties, announcing to the world: \u201cI\u2019m now transitioning into this new calling and season of life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Exactly. The second question is: \u201cWhat is happening to my relationships?\u201d because you kind of look at each other\u2014the kids are not there\u2014and you think: \u201cOkay; who are you and who am I?\u00a0 What is our relationship like?\u201d\u00a0 You realize that you need to, perhaps, do some renegotiating and recalibrating in your relationship.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nThen, your kids want to be treated differently because they see themselves as adults and independent. You\u2019ve got to figure out how to relate to adult kids, and you\u2019ve never done that before. There is a lot going on that affects the important relationships in your life. So, the second question women ask is: \u201cWhat is happening to my relationships?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we are going to pick up with Part Two of your message with Susan Yates as she introduces the third question women ask during the empty nest years.\n\n[Recording]\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u201cWho have I become?\u201d As we all know, the empty nest is a major transition; and transitions are just plain awkward. The reality is\u2014that we, whatever season of life we are in, expect stability to be the norm\u2014but in fact, transition is more the norm in daily life. Just look back at the transitions we have already experienced\u2014leaving home, marriage, the first baby, a new job, a new boss and an old job, financial loss, moves, illnesses, a crisis with a child, a national or international crisis.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWith each one of these transitions, we keep waiting for life to calm down; but the reality is\u2014life never calms down \/ it just gets more complicated. We long for a period of predictability and stability. We think that that\u2019s the way life should be\u2014predictable, and stable, and calm\u2014it even seems to be so for some of our friends.\n\nMy sister is very wise. Often, when we look at other women\u2014as you perhaps have done in this room this morning\u2014you see another woman, and she looks so perfectly put together. You sit there and imagine her life is all together\u2014her marriage is great, her kids are great, and she is in stability and calm.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nAnd my sister says: \u201cThere is always data missing. [Laughter]\u00a0 You don\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s helpful to remember that.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>We are all much more alike than we give the perception of being. The empty nest is messy. Sometimes, in order to figure out whom we are and what we are to do in the season, we need to take a break. It\u2019s really important to take a break. In all honesty, Barbara was much better at taking a break than I was. I want her to tell you about that.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, part of the reason I took a break was because I was sort of forced to because I began the empty nest in a very emotionally-depleted state. I knew I couldn\u2019t jump into the next thing \/ I didn\u2019t have the energy to jump into the next thing, but Susan did. I realized I needed some time off. So, what I did is\u2014I just sort of pulled back from things. I said, \u201cNo,\u201d to a lot of things \/ I didn\u2019t join things.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI stepped back my involvement to give myself some time to recover, frankly.\n\nBut as I did that, in that season\u2014I did that during my youngest daughter\u2019s freshman year in college\u2014as I did that, I discovered I needed that break, as an empty nester, as much for my entrance into the empty nest as well as I did to recover from the trials and struggles that we had been through with our daughter. I discovered that I needed time to re-evaluate my life. I needed time to look objectively at who I had become over the last 28 years. I was a different person in many ways than the one I was when I got married. I needed time to think. I just needed time for a pause in the pace of my life.\n\nI think other women do too \/ I think all of us need a break. All of us need a pause after the intense years of parenting that are so 24\/7, year after year after year.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nSusan and I want to give you permission\u2014especially those of you \/ all of you who raised your hand who aren\u2019t quite there yet\u2014we want to give you permission to take a break that first year after your youngest leaves.\n\nDon\u2019t feel like you have to jump into the next activity. Don\u2019t feel like you have to sign up: \u201cNow that I\u2019m free, I can do 100 things that I have wanted to do.\u201d\u00a0 You may want to do that, but it would be wise if you took a break.\u00a0 It could be as short as a weekend away, where you retreat by yourself and do some thinking and evaluating. You may want to take a couple of weeks off; you may want to take a couple of months off; or maybe, a whole semester and not do anything. Pull back, and evaluate your life, and think about: \u201cWhat is it that I want to do with the rest of my life?\u201d\n\nAs you do that, think about a couple \/ two things in particular. We have other things for you to think about in our book \/ but two in particular are: Look back over your life and say, \u201cWhat am I thankful for?\u201d and begin to make a list of the things that you are thankful for\u2014the things that God has done\u2014all of the good things.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nIt is so easy to focus on the bad things and the losses. \u201cWhat are those good things that I can be thankful for?\u201d\n\nThen, secondly, you might want to evaluate: \u201cWhat are the issues, what are the relationships, what are the needs that I have avoided because I have been so busy?\u00a0 What are the gaps in my marriage?\u00a0 What are the gaps in my other relationships?\u00a0 What are things in my life that I have sort of swept aside because I have been so busy raising kids that I dare not ignore anymore \/ that now that I have the time I can focus on these issues in my life?\u201d\n\nIt would, also, be a good time to spend time with your husband, just thinking ahead: \u201cWhat do we want to do for the rest of our lives?\u00a0 What do we want the rest of our lives to look like?\u201d\u00a0 As Dennis and I have talked about this, we have made some promises to each other. A couple of them are\u2014one is we have promised each other we are not going to become gripey, cynical, old people. [Laughter] We are already seeing how easy that would be to become that way because things are starting to fall apart.\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe don\u2019t like the way we feel some days\u2014you know, we\u2019re creaky\u2014and it would be real easy to gripe about that. We have committed to one another that we are not going to do that.\n\nSecondly, we have promised that we are going to do everything we can to stay healthy, to stay strong mentally, and to stay on the cutting edge. Then, the third thing that we have decided together, as a couple, is that we intend to use our lives for God\u2019s purposes for as long as He gives us breath. We want to be engaged in Kingdom activities. None of us knows how long we have left. We may only have a couple of years \/ we may have ten years; but I want my life, and Dennis wants his life\u2014and I know that John and Susan feel the same way\u2014we want our lives to be maximized for the Kingdom of God for the years that we have left.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>Another thing that we\u2019ve realized is that an important element in transitioning from our past purpose of parenting to our next purpose in life is simply the importance of taking some time to celebrate.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou know, we, women, are really good at celebrating the milestones of life\u2014the big ones \/ the little ones. We have baby showers. We have our first child\u2019s lost tooth, or our grandchild loses a tooth\u2014you know, it\u2019s a big deal. The first day of school, the last day of school, graduation, wedding showers\u2014but I would like to know, with a show of hands, how many of you have ever been to a party to celebrate the beginning of the empty nest. [Laughter]\u00a0 One, two\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Three.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u2014four\u2014oh, yay!\u00a0 Good for you all!\u00a0 You may be on the cutting edge of a new movement in America. [Laughter]\u00a0 We hope so because we feel like this is a season, not to be dreaded,\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>\u2014but to be <em>celebrated<\/em>. Oh, how we need to celebrate in the seriousness of life today.\n\nWhen Barbara and I were working on this project, we asked three gals\u2014who are friends of ours, who we call \u201cThe Party Girls,\u201d who live in Pennsylvania\u2014if they would design three different parties that you could throw to celebrate the empty nest.\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe have that in Chapter 10 in our book\u2014complete with invitations. [Laughter]\u00a0 Yes.\n\nSo far, we\u2019ve looked at three questions: \u201cDoes anyone feel this way?\u201d \u201cWhat is happening to my relationships?\u201d and \u201cWho have I become?\u201d\u00a0 But we have a final question.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>The fourth question is: \u201cWhat is my new purpose?\u201d\u00a0 One of the benefits of the empty nest is the nature of its transition. It is a turning point in all of our lives as women. Sometimes, it\u2019s uncomfortable; but nonetheless, it can be a season that can be full of benefits and full of opportunities because we can pull back \/ we can say, \u201cWhy am I here?\u201d\n\nIn our generation, we are healthier, we have greater resources, and we will probably live longer than previous generations of women. It is a wonderful opportunity for us, in this season of life, to look forward to the empty nest.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>One of the things that Barbara and I have discovered, as we have talked to other women, is how many women\u2014now, in the season of the empty nest\u2014are asking spiritual questions. There have many times of recommitment for both Barbara and me over the years\u2014we\u2019ve had many questions along the way \/ many doubts. There have been uncomfortable times; there have been hard times; but spiritual growth is much like physical growth\u2014there are growth spurts and there are really awkward hard times\u2014but the fact is that we are still growing.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>So, no matter where you are in your own spiritual journey, we really feel like this season is a great time to re-evaluate your life and to re-evaluate your spiritual relationship with God at the same time.\n\nThere is a verse in Ephesians\u2014Chapter 2, verse 10\u2014that says, \u201cFor we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 As long as we are on this earth, God has a plan for us; and He wants to be working in our lives.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou can apply that to your life and say, \u201cGod has a plan for me.\u201d\u00a0 Each and every one of you\u2014God has a specific plan for you for how He wants to use you for the rest of your life. As you transition into the empty nest or as you are adjusting in your early years of the empty nest, take some time to think, \u201cWhat am I good at?\u201d Evaluate your life and evaluate where you can plug in to make the biggest difference for eternity.\n\n<strong>Susan: <\/strong>Let me give you a little snapshot of three friends that we have who started something quite by accident. They live in a small town in Pennsylvania, and they walk every morning. They did the big walk up the hill. Then, their reward for their exercise\u2014they are all empty nesters\u2014is to meet at Starbucks. One morning, they were at Starbucks, which is sort of the center of town. They were sitting at a table \/ they had their lattes, and they noticed a young mom in tears standing in line to get her coffee.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd my friend Sue said to her\u2014she didn\u2019t really know her\u2014but she said: \u201cHey, come sit with us. You look like you need a hug.\u201d\u00a0 This young mother went over and sat with my three empty-nest friends. She began to pour out her heart about a situation she had with one of her children\u2014it was a pre-teenager, and she was in the throes of desperation.\n\nNow, my three wise empty-nest friends had been through so much of what she was going through. They could identify with her feelings. They, themselves, had been through different issues; and they were able to listen to her, to comfort her, and yet, also, to give her some very practical advice simply because they had experience and wisdom.\n\nAs my friends sat there and visited, after a little while, the young mom got up. As she left, she turned to them and said: \u201cOh, thank you so much!\u00a0 This has <em>so<\/em> encouraged me.\u201d\u00a0 My friend Sue said: \u201cWell, it\u2019s just free advice!\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cYou can take it or leave it.\u201d\u00a0 In that moment was born the Take It or Leave It Club. [Laughter]\u00a0 Sue, Sally, and Jackie began to set up a regular table at Starbucks after their morning walks. [Laughter] Word spread through this community that this was the table where hassled young moms could go and sit and be comforted by older moms.\n\nGod wants us to be what I call F.A.T. Women\u2014faithful, available, and teachable. [Laughter]\u00a0 It\u2019s a great acronym; isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. Because we know you women have these nurturing skills and mothering skills, we want to challenge you to this Take It or Leave It Club idea to encourage young moms; but we want to give you another challenge as a way that you might want to care for children or be involved in providing relief for children.\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nAlmost every county in this country has a foster care system, and almost every one of those foster care systems is broken\u2014they are all in need of great help. They are always stretched thin, they don\u2019t have enough resources, and they don\u2019t have enough people to help.\n\nWell, some of you love babies \/ some of you love children. You could provide a home. Maybe, God wants to use you to recruit other families who can do this or get involved in just helping the system work better. We, as Christians, need to be involved in helping the helpless and helping these children who don\u2019t have families.\n\nWe, in our generation, need to unite in living second-season lives of great purpose. We don\u2019t want to settle for mediocrity. Time is too short. Why do that?\u00a0 God has great purposes for our lives. We want to challenge you to discover those and not settle for mediocrity but live for the Kingdom of God.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening, again, today to Part Two of a message from Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates on living life in the empty nest\u2014getting ready for it and, then, being there. You and Susan and her husband John and your husband Dennis just spent some time together\u2014the four of you got away and did a little vacationing together?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>We did \/ we had a great time.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you talk about your empty nest adjustments at all?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think we talked about our adjustments because I think all four of us are far enough past that, but we did talk about our lives, and what we are looking forward to in the future,,, and the plans that we all want to do. We had great conversations about the future and where we want to head.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Those kinds of relationships, especially in the empty nest years, are vital; aren\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; I think they are really important because I think the danger in the empty-nest years is to become isolated because our relationships revolved around our kids, and those families, and those parents.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI think it\u2019s important, in the empty nest, that we become intentional in developing couple friendships, and woman-to-woman friendships, and man-to-man friendships that are not tied to our children. We need that for the long-haul.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Usually, it is our friends who mirror back to us answers to questions we are asking as we transition into this season of life. In the back of one of the chapters\u2014I think it\u2019s Chapter Nine\u2014on \u201cTake a Break and Evaluate Your Life\u201d\u2014Barbara and Susan have a number of questions in here. I do think these questions are best answered by your spouse and some of the friends who know you the best. It really can be a satisfying time.\n\nI know there are some of the moms who are listening to us right now\u2014or maybe a dad or two\u2014in the early stages of your family\u2014you are listening to us; and you are saying, \u201cYou know, this is going to be a long way off.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know what?\u00a0 It happens in a blink; and you need to prepare, get ready, and you need to do it right.\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and to have these questions that you have put here at the end of each chapter of your book gives a reader an opportunity to really ponder through some of the same things you have pondered through, as a mom who was new to the empty-nest season of life and weren\u2019t sure exactly which direction to go\u2014to be able to think through these questions and be prepared for it\u2014or if you are in the middle of it, to be able to find some help and counsel to navigate your way through it. I think it will be extremely helpful for many of our listeners.\n\nAgain, we have the book, <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>,in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy of the book. Order it from us online; again, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nNow, do you know Brian and Candyce DeKruyff?\u00a0 The DeKruyffs live in Prattville, Alabama. They listen to WLBF\u2014that\u2019s where they hear <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. They\u2019ve been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> a couple of times. They help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Today, August 2, they are celebrating their 20<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. It was 20 years ago\u2014in fact, it was right when they were getting married and the year after they got married\u2014that\u2019s when they went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. I am here to suggest to the DeKruyffs: \u201cIt\u2019s time for your 20-year tune-up. You need to get back to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and get your tune-up done; okay?\u00a0 \u2018Happy anniversary!\u2019 as you guys celebrate today.\u201d\n\nWe think anniversaries are important to celebrate. They are a big deal, and we\u2019ve been helping couples celebrate anniversaries for decades. In fact, last week, we celebrated our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary as a ministry.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019re spending this year focusing on how important anniversaries are. And I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have partnered with us to make the ministry of FamilyLife possible over the last four decades.\n\nIf you are able to help with a gift today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d if your gift is over $100, by sending you a set of three study guides created for <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Connect Series. These are three separate study guides designed to help you, as a couple, or to help you and your small group go through significant themes related to keeping your marriage healthy and strong. It\u2019s our gift to you when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation; or when you mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO\n\nBox 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nAnd let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever support you are able to provide for this ministry.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about the years that precede the empty nest. It\u2019s the years when you\u2019ve got teenagers around the house, and those can be challenging years as well. We\u2019ll talk about how important respect is in the home when you\u2019re parenting teenagers. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. See you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song:\u00a0\u00a0 <em>I Just Want to Celebrate<\/em>\n\nArtist:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rare Earth\n\nAlbum:\u00a0\u00a0 <em>20th Century Masters\u2014The Millennium Collection<\/em> (p) 2001 Universal Motown\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\n1","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304110","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304110"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304110"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304110"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304110"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304110"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304110"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304110"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}