{"id":304092,"date":"2016-07-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-07-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/balancing-grace-and-truth\/"},"modified":"2016-07-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-07-20T15:00:00","slug":"balancing-grace-and-truth","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/balancing-grace-and-truth\/","title":{"rendered":"Balancing Grace and Truth"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Joshua Straub reminds parents that, just as God loves us with grace and truth, so we must lead with grace when our kids are acting out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.33M","filesize_raw":"26559285","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2833,2806],"tags":[6046,6048,4648,6047,2209],"podcast_series":[8153],"cwp_profile":[3112],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304092","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-godly-legacy","category-spiritual-development","tag-emotional-maturity","tag-gods-grace","tag-grace-based-parenting","tag-let-kids-be-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-rebuilding-a-safe-house","cwp_profile-joshua-straub","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304092\/balancing-grace-and-truth","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304092\/balancing-grace-and-truth","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"K2EtkOk7yt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/balancing-grace-and-truth\/\">Balancing Grace and Truth<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/balancing-grace-and-truth\/embed\/#?secret=K2EtkOk7yt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Balancing Grace and Truth&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"K2EtkOk7yt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When your kids mess up, do they need grace from you or do they need to feel the pain of the consequences of their behavior? Joshua Straub says they need both.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I believe our children need to experience the consequences because, if they don\u2019t experience it under our roof, they\u2019re going to run into it somewhere else, where they\u2019re not safe. That\u2019s the critical piece here\u2014it\u2019s balancing that grace and truth now in the context of a safe house, where they\u2019re learning this. That\u2019s what is critical because, otherwise, they\u2019re going to step out into the world\u2014not having grace and truth \/ not experiencing these consequences\u2014and they\u2019re going to experience it a lot harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk about how we find the right spot\u2014to be full of grace and full of truth with our kids on today\u2019s program. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We were just out\u2014Mary Ann and me\u2014visiting with our son and daughter-in-law and our new grandbaby, Ivy. We were talking about parenting because this is a new chapter for my son and for his wife\u2014they\u2019re just beginning their parenting journey. I was reflecting with them about kind of what you do if you could do it over again\u2014you know, from my perspective\u2014saying, \u201cAll parents, after 30 years of being at the helm of parenting, look back and go, \u2018If we could start over again\u2026\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So what did you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWe\u2019d do some things differently.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d like to know what both you and Mary Ann said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I said\u2014Mary Ann didn\u2019t say much\u2014I said, \u201cI parented in the moment rather than parenting with intentionality.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I look back on how I handled things, I was thinking about how to handle this moment in time for the best outcome, rather than thinking, \u201cWhat am I aiming for as a longer-term objective?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cIf I could do it over again, and if I was where you are with a brand-new baby, I would say: \u2018Okay; I have 18 years. I want to get this child from where they are today to independence, 18 years from now. What do I want that child to think, feel, believe; and then how do I build that in at every stage along the way so that I\u2019m aiming for the right objective?\u2014rather than just saying, \u201cToday\u2019s a sunny day. Let\u2019s go camping.\u201d\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Fun daddy!\u2014fun daddy, Bob! Are you surprised that I\u2019m <em>shocked<\/em> that that would be the case?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No, I\u2019m not shocked at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, all of us, I think, looking back over parenting, would have several do-overs. I wish I\u2019d had this book, though, from our guest on today\u2019s broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called <em>Safe House<\/em>\u2014about how to create a home that is emotionally safe. I think our emotional side of life is among the least addressed by the community of faith of any dimension of raising children. Joshua Straub joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Josh, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you agree about the emotional side of raising kids is, for the most part, neglected?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I agree. A number of years ago, Pastor Pete Scazzero wrote a book called <em>The Emotionally Healthy Church<\/em>. One of the things that I really took away from that was he said that you can only be as spiritually mature as you are emotionally mature. It took me a while to really kind of get a hold of what he was saying there; but the more that you look into Scripture\u2014and you look at the fruit of the Spirit, for instance \/ the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, and peace, and patience, and kindness, and gentleness, and faithfulness, and self-control\u2014when you look at the fruit of the Spirit, you realize there\u2019s emotional maturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we grow in spiritual maturity, we become emotionally mature\u2014there\u2019s a deep connection there to that ability. You look throughout Scripture\u2014it\u2019s replete with this: \u201cBe slow to anger, slow to speak, quick to listen,\u201d\u2014our ability to not just jump off the handle. Proverbs says that \u201cHe who is slow to anger has deep understanding.\u201d There\u2019s something to be said for the emotional safety of who we are and how it\u2019s connected to our spiritual maturity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s really what\u2019s at the heart of the book that you\u2019ve written, <em>Safe House<\/em>\u2014 how to provide the right kind of emotional safety as you raise your children. And you\u2019re saying that emotional safety is the key to those kids being able to live, and to love, and to lead well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Dennis, I\u2019m just curious as we dive into this today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your parents had a Camaro, and they let you drive the Camaro\u2014and they told you, \u201cYou can drive the Camaro \/ just don\u2019t let anybody else drive it,\u201d\u2014then later, you were out with your girlfriend. She said to you, \u201cCan I drive the Camaro?\u201d What choice would you make in that moment? I just want to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019re talking to a kid who was pretty deceptive as a teenager. [Laughter] I was the one who took the wire pliers out, and when my dad told me that I could drive four miles, I literally went underneath the dashboard and unscrewed the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the odometer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014the odometer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014so that your dad couldn\u2019t tell how far you\u2019d driven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was so proud of myself\u2014I\u2019m sure I put on12 miles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So if your girlfriend wanted to drive the Camaro, \u201cHere\u2019s the keys, baby\u201d; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, I\u2019m sorry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, there\u2019s a reason why I ask you that specific example. You can ask our guest to explain\u2014he knows.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think I\u2019ve heard this. Go ahead\u2014unpack that story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes. So, I was at wrestling practice. We had wrestling practice right after high school. As you said, my rule was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cNobody else drives.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u201cNobody else could drive it\u201d; right. Well, it was a day when it was raining. My girlfriend, at the time\u2014she lived a mile down the road. It was raining. Her car was in the shop, and she just asked if she could take my car home, a mile down the road. I said: \u201cSure. Just come pick me up as soon as I\u2019m done with practice.\u201d I don\u2019t know how moms find out everything that you do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But they do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u2014but they do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Somehow or another, she found out. Boy, was I in trouble<strong>. <\/strong>[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So she didn\u2019t wreck it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>No; she didn\u2019t wreck it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh; I was waiting for the rest of the story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>No, I just got in trouble. I describe the story to say: \u201cI didn\u2019t intend to disobey my parents. My intent was to protect my girlfriend \/ allow her to be protected.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were being noble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes; I wanted her to trust me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>But a lot of times, that\u2019s what happens. Our kids do stupid things, but their underlying motivation wasn\u2019t to do something stupid\u2014just\u2014a lot of times, with us as well. So our ability to understand really what\u2019s going on behind that action is important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and the reason for the story is because, as we\u2019re talking about what\u2019s involved in creating an emotionally safe house, we\u2019re talking about the walls that have to be up. We\u2019ve already had a conversation about the walls of protection and exploration. On one side of the house is exploration\u2014you want your child to be exploring, learning about his world \/ her world. On the other side is the wall of protection\u2014you want them to be safe in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and before you ask the rest of the question, Bob, I just have to ask you, Josh: \u201cI get the picture of the wall of protection being a wall, but the wall of exploration\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cfeels like a window instead of a wall\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cit feels like it\u2019s a red carpet to the world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s why I describe it as the\u2014picturing that wall as your front door\u2014and how wide open that front door is, depending on age-appropriateness\u2014and age-appropriately: \u201cHow do you really define where these walls are?\u201d and \u201cHow far do you let your child explore versus how much you protect them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Over time, that\u2019s a difficult dynamic to figure out. It comes down to really maturity. You know, you can put two 13-year-olds beside each other, and one is going to be way more mature than another one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Right? One\u2019s parents can allow them to explore a little bit further than another one because there\u2019s trust there. You have to know your kids uniquely, and not all kids are created equal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that can happen in the same house, where one child will get privileges that another child won\u2019t get because you understand who your child is. It doesn\u2019t feel fair to the one who\u2019s not getting the privileges, but that\u2019s where parenting\u2019s not all about fairness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; and the kid who is mature enough on Monday may not be mature by Friday\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014or Tuesday afternoon!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m telling you\u2014it\u2019s just not an exact science we\u2019re talking about here; and it\u2019s why these other two walls that you talk about, Josh, are so important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Jesus introduced us to these two walls in John, Chapter 1\u2014in fact, it says, \u201cWe beheld His glory, full of\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014grace and truth.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Those are the other two walls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Those are the other two walls. I describe them as grace and truth. A lot of parenting experts will say \u201clove and limits\u201d or that kind of thing. I use grace and truth because I think they go beyond just \u201clove and limits\u201d and the description of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me start by describing and going back and just re-defining that one phrase that I think is important\u2014is the core of emotional safety\u2014and that\u2019s the ability to understand. We\u2019ll go back to that Camaro illustration and the ability to understand what\u2019s really going on behind our child\u2019s actions \/ our teenager\u2019s actions. It\u2019s that Golden Rule, with the word, \u201cunderstand.\u201d In order to be understood, we must first understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeter writes that we are <em>stewards<\/em> of God\u2019s good grace. The way that I describe this is: \u201cGrace is loving your child for who they are; truth is loving them enough to not leave them that way.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Jesus came full of grace and truth. I described that we <em>lead<\/em> with grace and then follow up with truth\u2014that\u2019s the heart behind emotional safety.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; let me take issue with that for a second. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>If we lead with grace and not truth, how are our children going to know where those boundaries are that they are going to encounter in life?\u2014and what the Bible is full of. I mean, the Bible\u2019s full of both \/ Jesus exemplified both\u2014and I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s all truth and no grace \/ I know the argument around that\u2014but it seems to me that grace gets defined in the midst of truth\u2014because God is a God of both grace and truth\u2014but He has given us a book that is truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And that\u2019s the way that I describe this: \u201cThat over time, those walls\u2014as we talked about the walls of exploration and protection\u2014need to be equal heights over time versus being a parent who just allows your kids to explore and never protects them. That\u2019s an out-of-balance house; right? The key behind this is making sure your walls are balanced over time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s the same thing with grace and truth as well\u2014that over time, our walls of grace and truth are balanced because you\u2019re right\u2014even at three-and-a-half, my son is learning, for instance, Proverbs 6:6: \u201cGo to the ant, you sluggard, consider his ways and be wise.\u201d [Laughter] He understands that ants represent hard work. I\u2019m teaching him the truths about hard work \/ teaching him the truths about speaking kind words, even at this age, because it\u2019s critically important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when our kids are experiencing anxiety, or stress, or they\u2019re throwing temper tantrums, where they\u2019re acting out\u2014those are critical moments, where we lead with grace, and lovingly approach them, rather than just immediately coming out with truth in very strong ways \/ without showing them that we\u2019re there for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love how John Townsend describes it\u2014he says, \u201cTruth without grace is received as condemnation.\u201d I think our kids receive it that way as well when we lead with all truth. Depending on who we are, as a parent, we either lead out of all grace or all truth. \u201cWhat is our tendency on this equilibrium of these two walls?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014having that knowledge is critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So let\u2019s go back to high school and the Camaro because the truth was: \u201cDon\u2019t let anybody but you drive the Camaro.\u201d You knew that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You plead, \u201cInnocent.\u201d I mean, as you tell the story, you say: \u201cI wasn\u2019t even really thinking about it. I mean, my girlfriend just needed to get home in the rain. I was just thinking about her safety.\u201d I\u2019m going, \u201cSo it never entered your mind that \u2018If I give her the keys, I might get in trouble\u2019?\u201d You never thought of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes; going back to that moment, I don\u2019t think I\u2014I mean, I can\u2019t remember specifically; but I don\u2019t remember thinking about that as much as I did wanting to make sure she was taken care of.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your mom found out that you had lent the car to your girlfriend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you get grace or truth at that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I got truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What did you get?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I got grounded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You remember coming home and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I think my keys were taken from me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your ignorance didn\u2019t\u2014I mean, when you said: \u201cIt was raining. I just wanted her to\u2014I\u2019d forgotten completely,\u201d there was no grace given?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>It was about following the rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>It was that truth. I mean, my parents pointed me back to the truth of the rules, and I got the grounding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, I want to put you in your mom\u2019s kitchen. She\u2019s aware that you have broken the rules. You\u2019re now the parent\u2014your child\u2019s done this. Would you handle it differently than your parents handled it with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Mr. Softie\u2014lean-toward-grace parent. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great question. Yes; compared to my mom\u2014yes. My mom and I joke about this. My mom was definitely that truth parent as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I tend to lean more towards the grace side. I still would have come down with some consequences to what happened, and I believe this. I believe our children need to experience the consequences because, if they don\u2019t experience it under our roof, they\u2019re going to run into it somewhere else, where they\u2019re not safe\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u2014that\u2019s the critical piece\u2014is it\u2019s balancing that grace and truth now, in the context of a safe house, where they\u2019re learning this, and their brains are being wired that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what\u2019s critical because, otherwise, they\u2019re going to step out into the world\u2014not having grace and truth \/ not experiencing these consequences\u2014and they\u2019re going to experience it a lot harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>See, here\u2019s part of how I calibrate that in my own thinking with my kids. There may be consequences for it, but there should not be anything that threatens or inhibits our relationship\u2014my son and me \/ my daughter and me. I may have to allow consequences or even bring consequences to bear in a circumstance like this; but I\u2019m not going to withdraw, relationally, and get cold and say, \u201cWell, if that\u2019s the kind of kid you\u2019re going to be, I\u2019m just not going to talk to you,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m going to be angry with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I think about how God parents us, there are consequences when we mess up; but He still loves us, in the midst of the consequences \/ even when He is the One handing them out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>In Psalm 103\u2014that\u2019s what I love\u2014it says: \u201cHe is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.\u201d His consequences don\u2019t match our offenses, nor is He going to come back and punish us after we\u2019ve repented of our sins. He\u2019s not going to keep doing that\u2014that\u2019s not who He is as our Father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the same God in Hebrews is the God who disciplines the ones He loves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there is grace and truth in the relationship with the Father who forgives but disciplines and works all of that out, according to the counsel of His own will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And this is what\u2019s important too\u2014I think this is critical. In Philippians, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 4\u2014I believe Paul was the first neuroscientist, by the way \/ Paul was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The first what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Neuroscientist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Neuroscientist; okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>He got this right. Of course, he did\u2014right?\u2014he\u2019s the Apostle Paul. In Philippians 4 he says, \u201cLet your reasonableness be made known to everybody.\u201d That word, \u201creasonableness,\u201d right there is a disposition for maintaining community. It\u2019s seeking the best of another individual. I apply this to parenting: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLet your reasonableness be made known to your kids. The Lord is near, the Lord is at hand, therefore be anxious for nothing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when we get anxious\u2014and the brain chemistry of this is fascinating\u2014the way God has designed us because that \u201cfight or flight response\u201d is that bottom part of the brain. Our brain grows from the bottom to the top. Back behind the brain stem, at the bottom part of the brain, is the \u201cfight or flight response.\u201d When we experience fear or we experience stress or duress, that\u2019s that fight, flight, or freeze.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Paul is saying here is: \u201cBe anxious for nothing; but in prayer and supplication, make your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.\u201d What he\u2019s saying is: \u201cWhen you\u2019re anxious, when you\u2019re fearful, when you\u2019re scared, when you\u2019re overwhelmed, when you\u2019re feeling rejected, when you\u2019re feeling bullied \u2014whatever that is that\u2019s going on within you\u2014go to the Father \/ give that to the Father, and He will calm your heart and your mind with a peace that surpasses all understanding.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, in the very next verse, he says, \u201cFinally, think upon things that are pure, and true, and holy, and praiseworthy, and excellent.\u201d I think what Paul realized there is that\u2014when we\u2019re overwhelmed with anxiety, we have an inability to truly think straight \/ we have an inability to truly think well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn a finite way, we, as parents\u2014when our kids are stressed or anxious, when we lead in grace, we can become, in a finite way, a peace that can calm that fear and anxiety \/ calm their brain. Because if you ever try lecturing a child or a teenager when they\u2019re in a temper tantrum or they\u2019re just overwhelmed with anxiety, it\u2019s like it goes in one ear and out the other. They don\u2019t <em>receive<\/em> it because they\u2019re overwhelmed. This is why, in Crisis Response, we tell people who\u2019ve experienced a major crisis to not make any major big decisions: \u201cDon\u2019t go sell your home,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t go leave your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t quit your job.\u201d Why?\u2014because you\u2019re not thinking straight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur ability to be that calming safe house \/ that safe presence for our kids calms their brains in such a way that we can then point them back to the truths\u2014that we\u2019ve already been teaching them over time and that they are already aware of\u2014to think upon things that are pure, and true, and holy, and excellent, praiseworthy, and those types of things, so that we can then follow up in a way that they behave according to the truths of Scripture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And, I\u2019m just sitting here, looking at you\u2014you are clearly a Millennial\u2014you are of that generation. As you look at your generation of parents, you said earlier, some 9,000 Millennials are becoming parents every day. We have tons of Millennials who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Would you say that the Millennial generation tends to err on the side of grace, as they parent kids, or on the side of truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Well, a recent survey found that 54 per cent of Millennials consider themselves to be the parent as a BFF to their kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s a \u201cbest friend forever.\u201d The way that I describe BFF is a parent who has a tendency to lead more towards exploration and more towards grace\u2014over grace more so than the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if a Millennial parent is going to make an adjustment, it\u2019s probably going to need to be more in the truth direction; you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>In today\u2019s generation; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll tell you why I think you\u2019re right. If you look at where they\u2019re getting their advice, for the most part\u2014this is not true across the board\u2014they\u2019re not looking to an older generation of older mothers and older fathers to process the Book, the Bible, and to coach them as they raise their kids. Instead, they\u2019re using social media\u2014crowd-sourcing parenting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Mommy blogs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I have to tell you\u2014\u201cTime out! Time out!\u201d I don\u2019t want to throw any stones at that, but that can be and often is the blind leading the blind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s people who are\u2014well, I\u2019m thinking of a young person, who came up to me, and this person said, \u201cI\u2019d like to write a book about parenting.\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s great; do you have any kids?\u201d \u201cYes; a couple.\u201d \u201cHow old are they?\u201d This person said, \u201cOne and two-and-a-half.\u201d I said, \u201cSo what\u2019s your authority on this?\u201d And this is the key\u2014the person said, \u201cI have a great relationship with my father-in-law, and he\u2019s been discipling me about raising kids.\u201d I said: \u201cYou know what? Maybe that\u2019s the book you should co-author with your father-in-law.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy encouragement to Millennials, who are listening to us\u2014who are raising kids today\u2014you really have to have some older people in your life to coach you, to temper you, to take you back to the Book, and to challenge your assumptions.\u201d What I would say is: \u201cJosh is one of these older guys. He\u2019s not an old Millennial, but he\u2019s been around the block because you\u2019ve counseled a number of juvenile delinquents. I think that certainly warrants some advice, Bob\u2014that Millennials need to heed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And I appreciate that. I\u2019m sandwiched right between that Millennial and Gen-X generations. As you said, I\u2019m an old Millennial and I\u2019m a young Gen-Xer. Our kids are young as well. Here I am\u2014writing on parenting, you know\u2014to call out that elephant in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason we\u2019re doing that is because I\u2019ve seen\u2014through the experience that I\u2019ve had counseling families \/ troubled families, and the experience through my doctoral research, and looking at what the science is showing about how we can raise kids and get kids who live, love, and lead well, and when I filter that through the lenses of Scripture\u2014all it\u2019s doing is proving Scripture to be true in how we relate to our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what\u2019s <em>awesome<\/em> about this. My wife and I are just saying: \u201cHey, listen. We care about our kids\u2019 generation. Here\u2019s what we learned about this\u2014here\u2019s what we\u2019ve learned through science, here\u2019s what we\u2019re learning through Scripture, here\u2019s how our relationship with Christ is impacting our home. We want to invite you to be a part of that journey. There are 9,000 Millennials, a day, becoming parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLet\u2019s coalesce together, as a generation of parents; and let\u2019s journey together and do this thing well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maybe we can\u2014we should plan to sell about 9,000 copies a day, I would think, of your book. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Great baby gift!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right! Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book, <em>Safe House<\/em>, by Dr. Joshua Straub. Again, our website: FamilyLifeToday.com; and you can order from us online. Or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to Jeff and Nicole Barnett today. Jeff and Nicole live in Upper Marlboro, Maryland. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>on WAVA. They are not just listeners\u2014they\u2019re Legacy Partners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014I think this is right\u2014I think it\u2019s six times! They attended <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> when we were there a couple years ago. I mean, these guys\u2014they\u2019re with us! We just want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d as they celebrate today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries are a big deal\u2014they matter. The years together \/ the years invested in building a strong, healthy marriage makes a difference\u2014not just in your family \/ not just between the two of you\u2014but in every aspect of our culture and our society. So \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to Jeff and Nicole. Hope your celebration is great today. Thanks for your support of this ministry\u2014we couldn\u2019t do what we do without you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, let me invite your fellow listeners to join with you today and consider making a contribution to help defray the cost of producing and syndicating <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You can make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; the zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say: \u201cIf God has used FamilyLife in your marriage and in your family, the way He\u2019s done with Jeff and Nicole, consider making a donation today. Will you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can be back with us again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to have Joni and Ken Tada joining us tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear a great love story. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.33M"],"filesize_raw":["26559285"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304092.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304092.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Straub reminds parents that, just as God loves us with grace and truth, so we must lead with grace when our kids are acting out.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When your kids mess up, do they need grace from you or do they need to feel the pain of the consequences of their behavior? Joshua Straub says they need both.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I believe our children need to experience the consequences because, if they don\u2019t experience it under our roof, they\u2019re going to run into it somewhere else, where they\u2019re not safe. That\u2019s the critical piece here\u2014it\u2019s balancing that grace and truth now in the context of a safe house, where they\u2019re learning this. That\u2019s what is critical because, otherwise, they\u2019re going to step out into the world\u2014not having grace and truth \/ not experiencing these consequences\u2014and they\u2019re going to experience it a lot harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk about how we find the right spot\u2014to be full of grace and full of truth with our kids on today\u2019s program. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We were just out\u2014Mary Ann and me\u2014visiting with our son and daughter-in-law and our new grandbaby, Ivy. We were talking about parenting because this is a new chapter for my son and for his wife\u2014they\u2019re just beginning their parenting journey. I was reflecting with them about kind of what you do if you could do it over again\u2014you know, from my perspective\u2014saying, \u201cAll parents, after 30 years of being at the helm of parenting, look back and go, \u2018If we could start over again\u2026\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So what did you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWe\u2019d do some things differently.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d like to know what both you and Mary Ann said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I said\u2014Mary Ann didn\u2019t say much\u2014I said, \u201cI parented in the moment rather than parenting with intentionality.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I look back on how I handled things, I was thinking about how to handle this moment in time for the best outcome, rather than thinking, \u201cWhat am I aiming for as a longer-term objective?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cIf I could do it over again, and if I was where you are with a brand-new baby, I would say: \u2018Okay; I have 18 years. I want to get this child from where they are today to independence, 18 years from now. What do I want that child to think, feel, believe; and then how do I build that in at every stage along the way so that I\u2019m aiming for the right objective?\u2014rather than just saying, \u201cToday\u2019s a sunny day. Let\u2019s go camping.\u201d\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Fun daddy!\u2014fun daddy, Bob! Are you surprised that I\u2019m <em>shocked<\/em> that that would be the case?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No, I\u2019m not shocked at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, all of us, I think, looking back over parenting, would have several do-overs. I wish I\u2019d had this book, though, from our guest on today\u2019s broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called <em>Safe House<\/em>\u2014about how to create a home that is emotionally safe. I think our emotional side of life is among the least addressed by the community of faith of any dimension of raising children. Joshua Straub joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Josh, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you agree about the emotional side of raising kids is, for the most part, neglected?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I agree. A number of years ago, Pastor Pete Scazzero wrote a book called <em>The Emotionally Healthy Church<\/em>. One of the things that I really took away from that was he said that you can only be as spiritually mature as you are emotionally mature. It took me a while to really kind of get a hold of what he was saying there; but the more that you look into Scripture\u2014and you look at the fruit of the Spirit, for instance \/ the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, and peace, and patience, and kindness, and gentleness, and faithfulness, and self-control\u2014when you look at the fruit of the Spirit, you realize there\u2019s emotional maturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we grow in spiritual maturity, we become emotionally mature\u2014there\u2019s a deep connection there to that ability. You look throughout Scripture\u2014it\u2019s replete with this: \u201cBe slow to anger, slow to speak, quick to listen,\u201d\u2014our ability to not just jump off the handle. Proverbs says that \u201cHe who is slow to anger has deep understanding.\u201d There\u2019s something to be said for the emotional safety of who we are and how it\u2019s connected to our spiritual maturity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s really what\u2019s at the heart of the book that you\u2019ve written, <em>Safe House<\/em>\u2014 how to provide the right kind of emotional safety as you raise your children. And you\u2019re saying that emotional safety is the key to those kids being able to live, and to love, and to lead well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Dennis, I\u2019m just curious as we dive into this today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your parents had a Camaro, and they let you drive the Camaro\u2014and they told you, \u201cYou can drive the Camaro \/ just don\u2019t let anybody else drive it,\u201d\u2014then later, you were out with your girlfriend. She said to you, \u201cCan I drive the Camaro?\u201d What choice would you make in that moment? I just want to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019re talking to a kid who was pretty deceptive as a teenager. [Laughter] I was the one who took the wire pliers out, and when my dad told me that I could drive four miles, I literally went underneath the dashboard and unscrewed the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the odometer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014the odometer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014so that your dad couldn\u2019t tell how far you\u2019d driven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was so proud of myself\u2014I\u2019m sure I put on12 miles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So if your girlfriend wanted to drive the Camaro, \u201cHere\u2019s the keys, baby\u201d; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, I\u2019m sorry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, there\u2019s a reason why I ask you that specific example. You can ask our guest to explain\u2014he knows.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think I\u2019ve heard this. Go ahead\u2014unpack that story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes. So, I was at wrestling practice. We had wrestling practice right after high school. As you said, my rule was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cNobody else drives.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u201cNobody else could drive it\u201d; right. Well, it was a day when it was raining. My girlfriend, at the time\u2014she lived a mile down the road. It was raining. Her car was in the shop, and she just asked if she could take my car home, a mile down the road. I said: \u201cSure. Just come pick me up as soon as I\u2019m done with practice.\u201d I don\u2019t know how moms find out everything that you do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But they do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u2014but they do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Somehow or another, she found out. Boy, was I in trouble<strong>. <\/strong>[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So she didn\u2019t wreck it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>No; she didn\u2019t wreck it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh; I was waiting for the rest of the story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>No, I just got in trouble. I describe the story to say: \u201cI didn\u2019t intend to disobey my parents. My intent was to protect my girlfriend \/ allow her to be protected.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were being noble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes; I wanted her to trust me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>But a lot of times, that\u2019s what happens. Our kids do stupid things, but their underlying motivation wasn\u2019t to do something stupid\u2014just\u2014a lot of times, with us as well. So our ability to understand really what\u2019s going on behind that action is important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and the reason for the story is because, as we\u2019re talking about what\u2019s involved in creating an emotionally safe house, we\u2019re talking about the walls that have to be up. We\u2019ve already had a conversation about the walls of protection and exploration. On one side of the house is exploration\u2014you want your child to be exploring, learning about his world \/ her world. On the other side is the wall of protection\u2014you want them to be safe in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and before you ask the rest of the question, Bob, I just have to ask you, Josh: \u201cI get the picture of the wall of protection being a wall, but the wall of exploration\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cfeels like a window instead of a wall\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cit feels like it\u2019s a red carpet to the world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s why I describe it as the\u2014picturing that wall as your front door\u2014and how wide open that front door is, depending on age-appropriateness\u2014and age-appropriately: \u201cHow do you really define where these walls are?\u201d and \u201cHow far do you let your child explore versus how much you protect them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Over time, that\u2019s a difficult dynamic to figure out. It comes down to really maturity. You know, you can put two 13-year-olds beside each other, and one is going to be way more mature than another one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Right? One\u2019s parents can allow them to explore a little bit further than another one because there\u2019s trust there. You have to know your kids uniquely, and not all kids are created equal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that can happen in the same house, where one child will get privileges that another child won\u2019t get because you understand who your child is. It doesn\u2019t feel fair to the one who\u2019s not getting the privileges, but that\u2019s where parenting\u2019s not all about fairness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; and the kid who is mature enough on Monday may not be mature by Friday\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014or Tuesday afternoon!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m telling you\u2014it\u2019s just not an exact science we\u2019re talking about here; and it\u2019s why these other two walls that you talk about, Josh, are so important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Jesus introduced us to these two walls in John, Chapter 1\u2014in fact, it says, \u201cWe beheld His glory, full of\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014grace and truth.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Those are the other two walls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Those are the other two walls. I describe them as grace and truth. A lot of parenting experts will say \u201clove and limits\u201d or that kind of thing. I use grace and truth because I think they go beyond just \u201clove and limits\u201d and the description of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me start by describing and going back and just re-defining that one phrase that I think is important\u2014is the core of emotional safety\u2014and that\u2019s the ability to understand. We\u2019ll go back to that Camaro illustration and the ability to understand what\u2019s really going on behind our child\u2019s actions \/ our teenager\u2019s actions. It\u2019s that Golden Rule, with the word, \u201cunderstand.\u201d In order to be understood, we must first understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeter writes that we are <em>stewards<\/em> of God\u2019s good grace. The way that I describe this is: \u201cGrace is loving your child for who they are; truth is loving them enough to not leave them that way.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Jesus came full of grace and truth. I described that we <em>lead<\/em> with grace and then follow up with truth\u2014that\u2019s the heart behind emotional safety.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; let me take issue with that for a second. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>If we lead with grace and not truth, how are our children going to know where those boundaries are that they are going to encounter in life?\u2014and what the Bible is full of. I mean, the Bible\u2019s full of both \/ Jesus exemplified both\u2014and I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s all truth and no grace \/ I know the argument around that\u2014but it seems to me that grace gets defined in the midst of truth\u2014because God is a God of both grace and truth\u2014but He has given us a book that is truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And that\u2019s the way that I describe this: \u201cThat over time, those walls\u2014as we talked about the walls of exploration and protection\u2014need to be equal heights over time versus being a parent who just allows your kids to explore and never protects them. That\u2019s an out-of-balance house; right? The key behind this is making sure your walls are balanced over time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s the same thing with grace and truth as well\u2014that over time, our walls of grace and truth are balanced because you\u2019re right\u2014even at three-and-a-half, my son is learning, for instance, Proverbs 6:6: \u201cGo to the ant, you sluggard, consider his ways and be wise.\u201d [Laughter] He understands that ants represent hard work. I\u2019m teaching him the truths about hard work \/ teaching him the truths about speaking kind words, even at this age, because it\u2019s critically important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when our kids are experiencing anxiety, or stress, or they\u2019re throwing temper tantrums, where they\u2019re acting out\u2014those are critical moments, where we lead with grace, and lovingly approach them, rather than just immediately coming out with truth in very strong ways \/ without showing them that we\u2019re there for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love how John Townsend describes it\u2014he says, \u201cTruth without grace is received as condemnation.\u201d I think our kids receive it that way as well when we lead with all truth. Depending on who we are, as a parent, we either lead out of all grace or all truth. \u201cWhat is our tendency on this equilibrium of these two walls?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014having that knowledge is critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So let\u2019s go back to high school and the Camaro because the truth was: \u201cDon\u2019t let anybody but you drive the Camaro.\u201d You knew that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You plead, \u201cInnocent.\u201d I mean, as you tell the story, you say: \u201cI wasn\u2019t even really thinking about it. I mean, my girlfriend just needed to get home in the rain. I was just thinking about her safety.\u201d I\u2019m going, \u201cSo it never entered your mind that \u2018If I give her the keys, I might get in trouble\u2019?\u201d You never thought of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes; going back to that moment, I don\u2019t think I\u2014I mean, I can\u2019t remember specifically; but I don\u2019t remember thinking about that as much as I did wanting to make sure she was taken care of.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your mom found out that you had lent the car to your girlfriend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you get grace or truth at that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I got truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What did you get?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I got grounded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You remember coming home and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I think my keys were taken from me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your ignorance didn\u2019t\u2014I mean, when you said: \u201cIt was raining. I just wanted her to\u2014I\u2019d forgotten completely,\u201d there was no grace given?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>It was about following the rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>It was that truth. I mean, my parents pointed me back to the truth of the rules, and I got the grounding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, I want to put you in your mom\u2019s kitchen. She\u2019s aware that you have broken the rules. You\u2019re now the parent\u2014your child\u2019s done this. Would you handle it differently than your parents handled it with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Mr. Softie\u2014lean-toward-grace parent. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great question. Yes; compared to my mom\u2014yes. My mom and I joke about this. My mom was definitely that truth parent as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I tend to lean more towards the grace side. I still would have come down with some consequences to what happened, and I believe this. I believe our children need to experience the consequences because, if they don\u2019t experience it under our roof, they\u2019re going to run into it somewhere else, where they\u2019re not safe\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u2014that\u2019s the critical piece\u2014is it\u2019s balancing that grace and truth now, in the context of a safe house, where they\u2019re learning this, and their brains are being wired that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what\u2019s critical because, otherwise, they\u2019re going to step out into the world\u2014not having grace and truth \/ not experiencing these consequences\u2014and they\u2019re going to experience it a lot harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>See, here\u2019s part of how I calibrate that in my own thinking with my kids. There may be consequences for it, but there should not be anything that threatens or inhibits our relationship\u2014my son and me \/ my daughter and me. I may have to allow consequences or even bring consequences to bear in a circumstance like this; but I\u2019m not going to withdraw, relationally, and get cold and say, \u201cWell, if that\u2019s the kind of kid you\u2019re going to be, I\u2019m just not going to talk to you,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m going to be angry with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I think about how God parents us, there are consequences when we mess up; but He still loves us, in the midst of the consequences \/ even when He is the One handing them out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>In Psalm 103\u2014that\u2019s what I love\u2014it says: \u201cHe is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.\u201d His consequences don\u2019t match our offenses, nor is He going to come back and punish us after we\u2019ve repented of our sins. He\u2019s not going to keep doing that\u2014that\u2019s not who He is as our Father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the same God in Hebrews is the God who disciplines the ones He loves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there is grace and truth in the relationship with the Father who forgives but disciplines and works all of that out, according to the counsel of His own will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And this is what\u2019s important too\u2014I think this is critical. In Philippians, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 4\u2014I believe Paul was the first neuroscientist, by the way \/ Paul was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The first what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Neuroscientist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Neuroscientist; okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>He got this right. Of course, he did\u2014right?\u2014he\u2019s the Apostle Paul. In Philippians 4 he says, \u201cLet your reasonableness be made known to everybody.\u201d That word, \u201creasonableness,\u201d right there is a disposition for maintaining community. It\u2019s seeking the best of another individual. I apply this to parenting: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLet your reasonableness be made known to your kids. The Lord is near, the Lord is at hand, therefore be anxious for nothing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when we get anxious\u2014and the brain chemistry of this is fascinating\u2014the way God has designed us because that \u201cfight or flight response\u201d is that bottom part of the brain. Our brain grows from the bottom to the top. Back behind the brain stem, at the bottom part of the brain, is the \u201cfight or flight response.\u201d When we experience fear or we experience stress or duress, that\u2019s that fight, flight, or freeze.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Paul is saying here is: \u201cBe anxious for nothing; but in prayer and supplication, make your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.\u201d What he\u2019s saying is: \u201cWhen you\u2019re anxious, when you\u2019re fearful, when you\u2019re scared, when you\u2019re overwhelmed, when you\u2019re feeling rejected, when you\u2019re feeling bullied \u2014whatever that is that\u2019s going on within you\u2014go to the Father \/ give that to the Father, and He will calm your heart and your mind with a peace that surpasses all understanding.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, in the very next verse, he says, \u201cFinally, think upon things that are pure, and true, and holy, and praiseworthy, and excellent.\u201d I think what Paul realized there is that\u2014when we\u2019re overwhelmed with anxiety, we have an inability to truly think straight \/ we have an inability to truly think well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn a finite way, we, as parents\u2014when our kids are stressed or anxious, when we lead in grace, we can become, in a finite way, a peace that can calm that fear and anxiety \/ calm their brain. Because if you ever try lecturing a child or a teenager when they\u2019re in a temper tantrum or they\u2019re just overwhelmed with anxiety, it\u2019s like it goes in one ear and out the other. They don\u2019t <em>receive<\/em> it because they\u2019re overwhelmed. This is why, in Crisis Response, we tell people who\u2019ve experienced a major crisis to not make any major big decisions: \u201cDon\u2019t go sell your home,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t go leave your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t quit your job.\u201d Why?\u2014because you\u2019re not thinking straight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur ability to be that calming safe house \/ that safe presence for our kids calms their brains in such a way that we can then point them back to the truths\u2014that we\u2019ve already been teaching them over time and that they are already aware of\u2014to think upon things that are pure, and true, and holy, and excellent, praiseworthy, and those types of things, so that we can then follow up in a way that they behave according to the truths of Scripture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And, I\u2019m just sitting here, looking at you\u2014you are clearly a Millennial\u2014you are of that generation. As you look at your generation of parents, you said earlier, some 9,000 Millennials are becoming parents every day. We have tons of Millennials who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Would you say that the Millennial generation tends to err on the side of grace, as they parent kids, or on the side of truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Well, a recent survey found that 54 per cent of Millennials consider themselves to be the parent as a BFF to their kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s a \u201cbest friend forever.\u201d The way that I describe BFF is a parent who has a tendency to lead more towards exploration and more towards grace\u2014over grace more so than the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if a Millennial parent is going to make an adjustment, it\u2019s probably going to need to be more in the truth direction; you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>In today\u2019s generation; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll tell you why I think you\u2019re right. If you look at where they\u2019re getting their advice, for the most part\u2014this is not true across the board\u2014they\u2019re not looking to an older generation of older mothers and older fathers to process the Book, the Bible, and to coach them as they raise their kids. Instead, they\u2019re using social media\u2014crowd-sourcing parenting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Mommy blogs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I have to tell you\u2014\u201cTime out! Time out!\u201d I don\u2019t want to throw any stones at that, but that can be and often is the blind leading the blind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s people who are\u2014well, I\u2019m thinking of a young person, who came up to me, and this person said, \u201cI\u2019d like to write a book about parenting.\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s great; do you have any kids?\u201d \u201cYes; a couple.\u201d \u201cHow old are they?\u201d This person said, \u201cOne and two-and-a-half.\u201d I said, \u201cSo what\u2019s your authority on this?\u201d And this is the key\u2014the person said, \u201cI have a great relationship with my father-in-law, and he\u2019s been discipling me about raising kids.\u201d I said: \u201cYou know what? Maybe that\u2019s the book you should co-author with your father-in-law.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy encouragement to Millennials, who are listening to us\u2014who are raising kids today\u2014you really have to have some older people in your life to coach you, to temper you, to take you back to the Book, and to challenge your assumptions.\u201d What I would say is: \u201cJosh is one of these older guys. He\u2019s not an old Millennial, but he\u2019s been around the block because you\u2019ve counseled a number of juvenile delinquents. I think that certainly warrants some advice, Bob\u2014that Millennials need to heed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And I appreciate that. I\u2019m sandwiched right between that Millennial and Gen-X generations. As you said, I\u2019m an old Millennial and I\u2019m a young Gen-Xer. Our kids are young as well. Here I am\u2014writing on parenting, you know\u2014to call out that elephant in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason we\u2019re doing that is because I\u2019ve seen\u2014through the experience that I\u2019ve had counseling families \/ troubled families, and the experience through my doctoral research, and looking at what the science is showing about how we can raise kids and get kids who live, love, and lead well, and when I filter that through the lenses of Scripture\u2014all it\u2019s doing is proving Scripture to be true in how we relate to our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what\u2019s <em>awesome<\/em> about this. My wife and I are just saying: \u201cHey, listen. We care about our kids\u2019 generation. Here\u2019s what we learned about this\u2014here\u2019s what we\u2019ve learned through science, here\u2019s what we\u2019re learning through Scripture, here\u2019s how our relationship with Christ is impacting our home. We want to invite you to be a part of that journey. There are 9,000 Millennials, a day, becoming parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLet\u2019s coalesce together, as a generation of parents; and let\u2019s journey together and do this thing well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maybe we can\u2014we should plan to sell about 9,000 copies a day, I would think, of your book. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Great baby gift!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right! Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book, <em>Safe House<\/em>, by Dr. Joshua Straub. Again, our website: FamilyLifeToday.com; and you can order from us online. Or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to Jeff and Nicole Barnett today. Jeff and Nicole live in Upper Marlboro, Maryland. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>on WAVA. They are not just listeners\u2014they\u2019re Legacy Partners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014I think this is right\u2014I think it\u2019s six times! They attended <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> when we were there a couple years ago. I mean, these guys\u2014they\u2019re with us! We just want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d as they celebrate today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries are a big deal\u2014they matter. The years together \/ the years invested in building a strong, healthy marriage makes a difference\u2014not just in your family \/ not just between the two of you\u2014but in every aspect of our culture and our society. So \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to Jeff and Nicole. Hope your celebration is great today. Thanks for your support of this ministry\u2014we couldn\u2019t do what we do without you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, let me invite your fellow listeners to join with you today and consider making a contribution to help defray the cost of producing and syndicating <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You can make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; the zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say: \u201cIf God has used FamilyLife in your marriage and in your family, the way He\u2019s done with Jeff and Nicole, consider making a donation today. Will you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can be back with us again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to have Joni and Ken Tada joining us tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear a great love story. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304092","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304092"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304092"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304092"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304092"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}