{"id":304090,"date":"2016-07-19T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-07-19T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/protection-and-exploration\/"},"modified":"2016-07-19T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-07-19T15:00:00","slug":"protection-and-exploration","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/protection-and-exploration\/","title":{"rendered":"Protection and Exploration"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Joshua Straub tells parents that allowing our kids to explore leads them to self-confidence, but it must be balanced with protection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-19.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.17M","filesize_raw":"25341894","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2833,2806],"tags":[6045,2209,6014],"podcast_series":[8153],"cwp_profile":[3112],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304090","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-godly-legacy","category-spiritual-development","tag-allowing-kids-freedom","tag-parenting","tag-protecting-your-children","podcast_series-rebuilding-a-safe-house","cwp_profile-joshua-straub","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304090\/protection-and-exploration","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304090\/protection-and-exploration","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gejbtctr4c\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/protection-and-exploration\/\">Protection and Exploration<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/protection-and-exploration\/embed\/#?secret=gejbtctr4c\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Protection and Exploration&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"gejbtctr4c\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you want to raise kids who are emotionally healthy adults, Dr. Joshua Straub says, \u201cYour children need to be given freedom and boundaries.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Research shows that our ability to allow our kids to explore, especially early in life, leads to self-competence and self-confidence later on as adults. The opposite wall of exploration is protection; okay?\u00a0 We want our kids to go out and play in the yard, but we don\u2019t want them to go too far lest they get hit by a car. We have to balance those walls of exploration and protection, age appropriately, over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do you find the balance between exploration and safety for your kids?\u2014and do you tend to lean in one direction or the other, being too permissive or too controlling?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I\u2019ve got to confess\u2014I saw the title of the book we\u2019re going to talk about today and I thought, \u201cThis was a spy thriller because the safe house is where you take the witness and you hide them before the trial.\u201d\u00a0 I thought that was what this was going to be about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, we are going to be talking about a safe house today; and I think we\u2019ve got to talk about, first of all, \u201cWhat\u2019s the foundation for building some walls and creating a safe house?\u201d\u00a0 To do that, you\u2019ve just got to open your Bible to Matthew, Chapter 7, because we\u2019re going to talk about <em>you<\/em> building a safe place \/ a safe house for your kids and for them to grow up, finish childhood, grow into adolescence all the way through to maturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd in Matthew 7, He says this: \u201cEveryone then who hears these words of Mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s the foundation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cAnd the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house.\u201d\u00a0 And as a parent\u2014these are not Jesus\u2019 words \/ these are mine\u2014as a parent, you need to know that there are plenty of winds, plenty of rain, plenty of floods today that are pounding on your home. So, listen up!\u00a0 Jesus said if you hear His words and obey them, your house is going to be firm in the midst. He says: \u201cBut it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to have a safe place for your kids to grow up in and to become all that God created them to be, you\u2019ve got to settle the issue of who\u2019s going to be the builder of your home. Frankly, that begins with: \u201cWho\u2019s going to be the builder of your life, and is Jesus Christ going to be your Lord and Master?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd beyond this foundation of committing your life to Him, you need some help in putting up some walls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a wall builder on the broadcast with us. Dr. Joshua Straub joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Josh, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Thank you. It\u2019s an honor to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How long have you been building walls for homes, Josh?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been a counselor for the past 15 years and married to my wife and doing our own building of our own walls for the last 6 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you would agree with Dennis that the walls to the home that you are building are only as good as the foundation that you\u2019re building on?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Absolutely. Paul says, in 1 Corinthians 15, \u201cI die daily.\u201d\u00a0 And our ability to die every single day is what allows us to stay connected in our marriage and allows us to stay connected with our kids as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve put your blueprints into a book called <em>Safe House<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt talks about four walls that you want to encourage parents to build around their homes. It\u2019s all about building a home that is emotionally safe for your kids. Let\u2019s talk about the first wall that a parent needs to build. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Can I tell a story first about the importance of these walls?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>We were living in Branson, Missouri, of all places\u2014so keep that in your brain. We believe in Deuteronomy, Chapter 6\u2014that when Moses described how to leave a legacy, he started out by saying, \u201cHear O Israel.\u201d\u00a0 He was talking to the entire church and how to leave a legacy within the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we were living in Branson. We didn\u2019t have family around us. We didn\u2019t have our own parents, and things weren\u2019t there. So, we had adopted aunts and uncles, adopted grandparents who helped us with our kids. When I say, \u201cadopted aunts and uncles,\u201d we had young 20-something, business professionals who weren\u2019t married yet. We\u2019d invite them into our home. They saw how we lived \/ how we did our marriage. Then, they helped us with our kids so we could go on date nights. They, also then, learned kind of mentoring, vicariously, through how they watched us live and watch our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we also had adopted grandparents. This one set of adopted grandparents, in particular, watched our son every Friday night so we could go on a date night. I remember one time walking him [son] into the house, and we heard gun shots going off down below the house. Our son is about 20\/21 months at the time; and he\u2019s saying, \u201cDa-da, boom, boom \/ Boom, boom, Da-da.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter] And in the Ozarks\u2014you think nothing of that. You just think someone is target practicing; right?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo\u2014and I didn\u2019t know this either\u2014when I became a parent, nobody told me that they put in a built-in laxative into car seats; right?\u00a0 So, you get your kid all bundled up. You get him in that car seat; and no sooner than a mile down the road\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u2014they are pushing, baby. He did that this particular time. It is common etiquette to not leave a number two lingering there when you drop them off at the babysitter\u2019s. So, I go inside. We\u2019re hearing these gunshots. I\u2019m changing his diaper. My wife, Christi\u2014she\u2019s explaining the food we packed for dinner and stuff that evening. I go into the kitchen, and I wash my hands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I take a step out of the kitchen, I heard\u2014CRACK\u2014and everybody stopped in their tracks. There was drywall at my wife\u2019s feet. I looked up; and about five feet away from my head, at head level, a bullet hole\u2014a stray bullet had come shooting through that house where we were dropping our son off. She went and protected Landon. I got down on my hands and knees, and I found a 9mm slug lying on their bedroom floor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you drop your kids off, you expect to be dropping them off at what I call a safe house\u2014as you described earlier, in a spy thriller, a safe place for taking refuge. Our kids have emotional bullets coming at them every single day from outside the home\u2014peer pressure, the media, video games, social media\u2014you name it. They have pressure\u2014emotional pressure coming at them \/ emotional bullets. When they come home, our home should be the emotionally safest place on the planet for our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere should not be emotional bullets, also, coming from within the home as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Because if they don\u2019t have a safe place to land after they\u2019ve been out throughout the day, they will find a safe place to land somewhere. I\u2019ve worked with juvenile delinquents for 15 years\u2014pretty much every single one I\u2019ve come across, their home wasn\u2019t safe. The reason they were in trouble was because they found safe places that actually weren\u2019t safe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where\u2019d the bullet come from?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>To this day, we don\u2019t really fully know yet. There was a house down below where people had lived. He had just recently gotten out of jail, and they took off. So, we called the police \/ we called 9-1-1. The police had gone down, and they had tried to find them, do interviews, and that kind of thing. So, they had taken off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just know that that neighborhood became the safest place in Missouri that night because there were more cops surrounding that neighborhood. And that was the last bullet we heard. They knew they had made a mistake, and they took off. That was that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you went on to your date and left your 21-month-old with the babysitter in the bullet house?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I love my wife!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I understand that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But your wife is not going to be on the date!\u00a0 She\u2019s not going to be anywhere <em>near<\/em> on that date! [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Are you kidding?\u00a0 I had to go debrief my traumatized wife that night; yes\u2014so\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a vivid picture of what a physically unsafe house looks like. To create an emotionally safe house, you\u2019re suggesting that we need to be focused on\u2014you describe them as walls\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014four different elements that make for emotional safety. What\u2019s one of those walls?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>The first wall that I describe is\u2014when you walk out your front door, you look out into the world to explore. That first word is exploration. The reason that first wall is exploration is because research shows that our ability to allow our kids to explore, especially early in life, leads to self-competence and self-confidence later on as adults. The opposite wall of that of exploration is protection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want our kids to go out and play in the yard, but we don\u2019t want them to go too far lest they get hit by a car. We have to balance those walls of exploration and protection, age appropriately, over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe problem is we are living in a culture where we\u2019re overprotecting our kids. We are rescuing them from consequences that they should be experiencing\u2014we\u2019re doing their homework for them \/ we\u2019re calling the teacher and calling it the teacher\u2019s fault if they\u2019re getting bad grades. We\u2019re not allowing them [children] to truly experience the consequences of their own actions. That\u2019s the helicopter generation, if you will. So, there has got to be a balance of exploration and protection\u2014those two walls are critical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember when our kids were born\u2014one of the first things Mary Ann did was\u2014we went around and put in all of the electric sockets these plug-ins so that the kids couldn\u2019t put their fingers in the socket. We put in things in the drawers, especially where we had the Drano and the other stuff, where the kids couldn\u2019t open the drawers without having to push down on something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe called it child-proofing our home. I don\u2019t think we were being overly protective in doing that; were we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>No, not physically\u2014absolutely not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think every parent is thinking, \u201cYes, we want there to be safety.\u201d\u00a0 We think of protection as the natural thing you do to get to safety, rather than thinking of exploration as a high value. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>One great example of this would be\u2014our kids\u2014I describe in the book what\u2019s called praising the struggle \/ the ability to be able to help your kids through difficult challenges. I don\u2019t want my daughter, who is a toddler right now, running through the backyard and going: \u201cWay to go!\u00a0 You\u2019re going to be an Olympian one day\u201d; right?\u00a0 The chances of her being an Olympian are very, very, very, very extremely slim. I don\u2019t want her to think she\u2019s just this awesome runner. So, our ability to be able to be honest with our kids about their talents and their abilities, but also, point them in the right direction to where their strengths do lie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother good example\u2014this is my son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember one time he had to put his blocks away before bed. I told him he had to put his blocks away. We are singing the cleanup song; alright?\u00a0 But he was frustrated\u2014he did <em>not<\/em> want to put those toys away. Rather than picking up the toys for him and just going to bed, I wanted to teach him what it was to work through his frustration\u2014I wanted to help him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of times, as parents, we just want to\u2014and there are appropriate times to just do it and overprotect because it\u2019s important to do that\u2014but the more that we can engage them and <em>challenge<\/em> them in their struggles\u2014I describe it as a balance. Really, the balance between exploration and protection is a balance between support and challenge. You want to offer challenge to your kids\u2014just like you when you are going to the gym; right?\u00a0 You want to put your muscles under some type of strain and stress but not too much that they break. That\u2019s really what we\u2019re looking at here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>What I did with my son was\u2014I started picking up the blocks for him. I went to put them in the bucket; but as I did, I just let out this really loud grunt like: \u201cURGH!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m holding onto the block, and I\u2019m just releasing it into the bucket. I would do it piece by piece; and all of a sudden, he started to laugh. He was a toddler, at the time, and he was getting ready to really go into a tantrum. All of a sudden, he started laughing. I was able to describe to him, as I could, just going, \u201cI know you are angry, buddy; but we have to do this.\u201d\u00a0 He would, then, take a piece and he would do it with me. He would: \u201cURGH!\u201d\u00a0 It was just helping him learn how to work through that frustration rather than doing that for him\u2014I wanted him to experience that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It seems almost counterintuitive; but actually, to train your kids to be explorers and to venture out, they really need boundaries. I\u2019ve never forgotten this illustration about a study that was done on a playground that had streets on three sides of it. They noticed that when they didn\u2019t have a fence up on the playground, the kids only used about 40 to 50 percent of the playground because there were cars whizzing by. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they decided they\u2019d put a fence around that playground. When they did, all of a sudden, the kids went out to the edges of the playground and they enjoyed all of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is a generation today who think that kids need green fields\u2014it\u2019s the Microsoft<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> advertisement in the magazine where it\u2019s limitless\u2014you can go for it \/ you can go out there. Actually, they really do need boundaries to teach them how far they can go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great example because in one recent survey, it found that over 54 percent of millennial parents today want to be their child\u2019s BFF \/ their best friend forever. This type of parent is a parent who does exactly what you described\u2014where they allow them to explore more than they should, age appropriately. They, also, are more grace-filled, but they tend to lean toward exploration. They, also, tend to lean toward grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs their children explore out into the world and they run into consequences, rather than being the child\u2019s fault for the consequences in their actions, they blame the world rather than the child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The reality is\u2014our children\u2014they need an authority figure \/ they don\u2019t need a BFF. I just humbly tell parents: \u201cIf you\u2019re looking for your child to be your best friend, you need to find friends your own age.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, I have to be honest\u2014and we\u2019re talking with Joshua Straub, who has written a book called <em>Safe House<\/em>\u2014my wife and I have talked about this. I leaned more in that direction when we were raising our kids. I spent seven summers, growing up, as camp counselor, and my kids [camp kids] loved being in my cabin\u2014I was the fun camp counselor. I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m shocked!\u00a0 I\u2019m totally stunned by this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was always coming up with fun things for the cabin to do, and I got high scores from those kids. So, I thought parenting\u2014that\u2019s what you did!\u00a0 You have kids\u2014you create a fun environment \/ they think you\u2019re the best counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Mary Ann was more aware of the fact that kids need structure, and boundaries, and kids need to be told, \u201cNo,\u201d every now and then. Here I was\u2014the softer parent\u2014and she was the more authoritarian parent, which didn\u2019t put her in a good light in that parenting equilibrium. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut honestly, Josh, I was always a little in fear of the fact that if I put the boundaries too hard and firm around my kids, they were going to rebel relationally \/ they were going to check out\u2014they were going to go, \u201cOkay; if I can\u2019t get Dad on my side, I\u2019ll go find somebody who will say, \u2018Yes,\u2019 to me.\u201d\u00a0 I lived in a little bit of fear of that as a parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> illustration because in\u2014you know, we talked about the foundation of a safe house is our rock\u2014Christ. I describe it as the foundation of these walls. Our ability to balance these walls well over time is a secure parent. Well, the ultimate secure parent has a relationship\u2014is secure in who they are in Christ\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but also is their ability to know and connect their own story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was telling you guys earlier about my relationship with my own parents and how I grew up. My ability to connect the dots to how that divorce impacted who I became really had a <em>huge<\/em> impact on who I am now, as a parent, and how present I am with my kids in these difficult moments. This is true for all of us. I tend to lean more toward that helicopter, overprotective parent, and I see that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, there is nothing bad about these things. It\u2019s important that we just know what our tendencies are so that we can know: \u201cOkay; I have a little bit of fear here around this. Where is that fear coming from?\u00a0 How is it hindering my relationship with my kids?\u201d or \u201cHow is it hindering my kids and how I relate to them?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for my wife and I\u2014we see our differences, but we\u2019re able to unify ourselves together and go\u2014and see each other\u2019s strengths and weaknesses and then come together in that in the way that we parent our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Mary Ann said to me one time\u2014she said, \u201cYou will probably\u2014if you get strict with the kids and you think, \u2018I\u2019m probably being too strict,\u2019\u201d\u2014she said, \u201cYou will probably never be too strict.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When you think you are being too strict, just recognize that. I was able to say to her, \u201cYou will probably never be too overly affectionate with the kids,\u201d\u2014because as she looked at her own story, she would\u2014I think she\u2019d say, \u201cYes, it didn\u2019t come naturally to me to hug, to kiss, to express affection, to say, \u2018I love you.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So: \u201cAt the point you are starting to feel like, \u2018I\u2019m laying it on a little too thick with this,\u2019 you\u2019re probably just about where you need to be.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here\u2019s where you\u2019ve got to take a step back and look at the genius of God and how He brings two people together to complement one another. Rather than try to change the other parent and try to make them more like you, instead say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Let\u2019s embrace our differences. Let\u2019s talk about how we work together.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may mean we have to call a time out with the kid and go have a conversation in the bedroom, where you\u2019re away from the kids and they can\u2019t hear you arguing and discussing your differences about how to approach this issue. If one\u2019s overly protective and the other one is overly permissive, you\u2019ve got to have some freedom for both to express. Then, begin to pray about it and talk about, \u201cHow do we come to agreement here?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s important that you ultimately agree on how you\u2019re going to raise your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And that unified front is <em>huge<\/em>. Our kids don\u2019t do as we say\u2014they do as we do. They are <em>watching<\/em> us. How we interact in our marriage has a huge impact in how they are going to interact in theirs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, here we are\u2014we\u2019ve got two walls that we are beginning to build on this foundation\u2014exploration, which empowers children to explore \/ move toward independence, which they have to do at some point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And make mistakes, and learn there are consequences, and let them do that, instead of trying to protect them from everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. Then, there is the wall of protection, which also sets up boundaries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, at some point, no matter how good a job you do trying to balance these two, you are going to have a kid like Josh\u2014who, when he got a bicycle \/ he decided, because he loved riding a bicycle, you were just going to take out and go riding in a place where you shouldn\u2019t have been. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes. I went down\u2014I\u2019ll never forget that moment\u2014I ran that baby down through the yard and out into the alley and I met the grill of a car. I mean, I didn\u2019t get hit; but I mean that car slammed on its brakes. It was two inches from me and scared the <em>daylights<\/em> out of me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your mom and dad made it real clear to you\u2014you were not to leave the yard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I did anyway, and I wanted to jump the hill at the bottom of the alleyway. There were hardly ever cars there. So, I just thought, \u201cWhy not give it a whirl?\u201d\u00a0 I was probably about six or seven years old at the time and just took my bike down over there, and that was it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Trying to calibrate where we belong, as parents, between the wall of protection and the wall of exploration, that\u2019s kind of a fluid place to be. It\u2019s not easy to dial in the exact place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I have a <em>Safe House<\/em> Parenting Assessment in the book, where you can kind of take a look at what your parenting style is based upon where you\u2019re at with these four walls. And the key, though, is really understanding your own story and your ability \/ what your tendency is and your ability to be present with your kids\u2014in their fearful and scared moments or when they\u2019re acting out\u2014what\u2019s really going on underneath them. If you can get a gauge on where you are \/ what your parenting tendency is\u2014it gives you the ability to know where you need to, maybe, be a little bit more strict or be a little bit more affectionate with your kids to meet them where they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; we\u2019ve got two walls. We\u2019ve got two more to go. I just want to go back and summarize where we started. As a parent\u2014listen to me\u2014your commitment to Jesus Christ and to your spouse is your foundation. Jesus compared building a house to building it on a rock\u2014to obeying what He said to do in the Bible, fulfilling your vows, being obedient to do what He called you to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you made a promise to stay married, that is your second most important promise you need to fulfill. The first is back to making Jesus Christ and allowing Him to be Lord of your life. Your kids need to see you and your spouse working things out\u2014showing them how two messy people, who are selfish at times, work through difficulty. Don\u2019t just remain married, but forgive each other. Give grace to each other and grow together, as a couple, and experience life as God designed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The strength of a marriage relationship is one of the key elements of a safe house. We often think it\u2019s all about how we relate to our kids, and that\u2019s a big part of it; but how we relate to one another, as husband and wife, is just as important. In fact, in some ways, it may be more important to the emotional safety that our kids feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we\u2019re so committed, here at FamilyLife, to providing practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families because we want kids to grow up in safe homes. We\u2019ve got copies of Dr. Joshua Straub\u2019s book by that title, <em>Safe House<\/em>. The book is available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online to request your copy. Our website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also order the book by phone when you call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Ask about the book, <em>Safe House<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we have got a couple of champions that we want to wish a \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to today. Their names are Darryl and Sharon Champion. They are a couple of champions. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to Darryl and Sharon, who have been married 30 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re marriage champions; right?\u2014been married 30 years today. They live in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and have been recently to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways. We wanted to just say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d because we think anniversaries matter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think it\u2019s important when couples stay together 20 and 30 and 40 and 50 years. In fact, what we do, here at FamilyLife, is to try to help make that happen. We\u2019re all about effectively developing godly marriages and families because we believe those kinds of marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d today to those of you who join with us in this mission as you donate to help defray the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. We couldn\u2019t do what we do without your help, and we\u2019re grateful for you. If you\u2019d like to make a donation today, it\u2019s easy. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about when you ought to show grace to a child who has disobeyed and when you ought to allow them to experience consequences. We\u2019ve got some thoughts about that\u2014we\u2019ll talk about it tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.17M"],"filesize_raw":["25341894"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304090.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304090.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Straub tells parents that allowing our kids to explore leads them to self-confidence, but it must be balanced with protection.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you want to raise kids who are emotionally healthy adults, Dr. Joshua Straub says, \u201cYour children need to be given freedom and boundaries.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Research shows that our ability to allow our kids to explore, especially early in life, leads to self-competence and self-confidence later on as adults. The opposite wall of exploration is protection; okay?\u00a0 We want our kids to go out and play in the yard, but we don\u2019t want them to go too far lest they get hit by a car. We have to balance those walls of exploration and protection, age appropriately, over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do you find the balance between exploration and safety for your kids?\u2014and do you tend to lean in one direction or the other, being too permissive or too controlling?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I\u2019ve got to confess\u2014I saw the title of the book we\u2019re going to talk about today and I thought, \u201cThis was a spy thriller because the safe house is where you take the witness and you hide them before the trial.\u201d\u00a0 I thought that was what this was going to be about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, we are going to be talking about a safe house today; and I think we\u2019ve got to talk about, first of all, \u201cWhat\u2019s the foundation for building some walls and creating a safe house?\u201d\u00a0 To do that, you\u2019ve just got to open your Bible to Matthew, Chapter 7, because we\u2019re going to talk about <em>you<\/em> building a safe place \/ a safe house for your kids and for them to grow up, finish childhood, grow into adolescence all the way through to maturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd in Matthew 7, He says this: \u201cEveryone then who hears these words of Mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s the foundation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cAnd the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house.\u201d\u00a0 And as a parent\u2014these are not Jesus\u2019 words \/ these are mine\u2014as a parent, you need to know that there are plenty of winds, plenty of rain, plenty of floods today that are pounding on your home. So, listen up!\u00a0 Jesus said if you hear His words and obey them, your house is going to be firm in the midst. He says: \u201cBut it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to have a safe place for your kids to grow up in and to become all that God created them to be, you\u2019ve got to settle the issue of who\u2019s going to be the builder of your home. Frankly, that begins with: \u201cWho\u2019s going to be the builder of your life, and is Jesus Christ going to be your Lord and Master?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd beyond this foundation of committing your life to Him, you need some help in putting up some walls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a wall builder on the broadcast with us. Dr. Joshua Straub joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Josh, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Thank you. It\u2019s an honor to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How long have you been building walls for homes, Josh?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been a counselor for the past 15 years and married to my wife and doing our own building of our own walls for the last 6 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you would agree with Dennis that the walls to the home that you are building are only as good as the foundation that you\u2019re building on?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Absolutely. Paul says, in 1 Corinthians 15, \u201cI die daily.\u201d\u00a0 And our ability to die every single day is what allows us to stay connected in our marriage and allows us to stay connected with our kids as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve put your blueprints into a book called <em>Safe House<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt talks about four walls that you want to encourage parents to build around their homes. It\u2019s all about building a home that is emotionally safe for your kids. Let\u2019s talk about the first wall that a parent needs to build. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Can I tell a story first about the importance of these walls?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>We were living in Branson, Missouri, of all places\u2014so keep that in your brain. We believe in Deuteronomy, Chapter 6\u2014that when Moses described how to leave a legacy, he started out by saying, \u201cHear O Israel.\u201d\u00a0 He was talking to the entire church and how to leave a legacy within the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we were living in Branson. We didn\u2019t have family around us. We didn\u2019t have our own parents, and things weren\u2019t there. So, we had adopted aunts and uncles, adopted grandparents who helped us with our kids. When I say, \u201cadopted aunts and uncles,\u201d we had young 20-something, business professionals who weren\u2019t married yet. We\u2019d invite them into our home. They saw how we lived \/ how we did our marriage. Then, they helped us with our kids so we could go on date nights. They, also then, learned kind of mentoring, vicariously, through how they watched us live and watch our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we also had adopted grandparents. This one set of adopted grandparents, in particular, watched our son every Friday night so we could go on a date night. I remember one time walking him [son] into the house, and we heard gun shots going off down below the house. Our son is about 20\/21 months at the time; and he\u2019s saying, \u201cDa-da, boom, boom \/ Boom, boom, Da-da.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter] And in the Ozarks\u2014you think nothing of that. You just think someone is target practicing; right?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo\u2014and I didn\u2019t know this either\u2014when I became a parent, nobody told me that they put in a built-in laxative into car seats; right?\u00a0 So, you get your kid all bundled up. You get him in that car seat; and no sooner than a mile down the road\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>\u2014they are pushing, baby. He did that this particular time. It is common etiquette to not leave a number two lingering there when you drop them off at the babysitter\u2019s. So, I go inside. We\u2019re hearing these gunshots. I\u2019m changing his diaper. My wife, Christi\u2014she\u2019s explaining the food we packed for dinner and stuff that evening. I go into the kitchen, and I wash my hands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I take a step out of the kitchen, I heard\u2014CRACK\u2014and everybody stopped in their tracks. There was drywall at my wife\u2019s feet. I looked up; and about five feet away from my head, at head level, a bullet hole\u2014a stray bullet had come shooting through that house where we were dropping our son off. She went and protected Landon. I got down on my hands and knees, and I found a 9mm slug lying on their bedroom floor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you drop your kids off, you expect to be dropping them off at what I call a safe house\u2014as you described earlier, in a spy thriller, a safe place for taking refuge. Our kids have emotional bullets coming at them every single day from outside the home\u2014peer pressure, the media, video games, social media\u2014you name it. They have pressure\u2014emotional pressure coming at them \/ emotional bullets. When they come home, our home should be the emotionally safest place on the planet for our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere should not be emotional bullets, also, coming from within the home as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Because if they don\u2019t have a safe place to land after they\u2019ve been out throughout the day, they will find a safe place to land somewhere. I\u2019ve worked with juvenile delinquents for 15 years\u2014pretty much every single one I\u2019ve come across, their home wasn\u2019t safe. The reason they were in trouble was because they found safe places that actually weren\u2019t safe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where\u2019d the bullet come from?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>To this day, we don\u2019t really fully know yet. There was a house down below where people had lived. He had just recently gotten out of jail, and they took off. So, we called the police \/ we called 9-1-1. The police had gone down, and they had tried to find them, do interviews, and that kind of thing. So, they had taken off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just know that that neighborhood became the safest place in Missouri that night because there were more cops surrounding that neighborhood. And that was the last bullet we heard. They knew they had made a mistake, and they took off. That was that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you went on to your date and left your 21-month-old with the babysitter in the bullet house?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I love my wife!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I understand that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But your wife is not going to be on the date!\u00a0 She\u2019s not going to be anywhere <em>near<\/em> on that date! [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Are you kidding?\u00a0 I had to go debrief my traumatized wife that night; yes\u2014so\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a vivid picture of what a physically unsafe house looks like. To create an emotionally safe house, you\u2019re suggesting that we need to be focused on\u2014you describe them as walls\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014four different elements that make for emotional safety. What\u2019s one of those walls?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>The first wall that I describe is\u2014when you walk out your front door, you look out into the world to explore. That first word is exploration. The reason that first wall is exploration is because research shows that our ability to allow our kids to explore, especially early in life, leads to self-competence and self-confidence later on as adults. The opposite wall of that of exploration is protection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want our kids to go out and play in the yard, but we don\u2019t want them to go too far lest they get hit by a car. We have to balance those walls of exploration and protection, age appropriately, over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe problem is we are living in a culture where we\u2019re overprotecting our kids. We are rescuing them from consequences that they should be experiencing\u2014we\u2019re doing their homework for them \/ we\u2019re calling the teacher and calling it the teacher\u2019s fault if they\u2019re getting bad grades. We\u2019re not allowing them [children] to truly experience the consequences of their own actions. That\u2019s the helicopter generation, if you will. So, there has got to be a balance of exploration and protection\u2014those two walls are critical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember when our kids were born\u2014one of the first things Mary Ann did was\u2014we went around and put in all of the electric sockets these plug-ins so that the kids couldn\u2019t put their fingers in the socket. We put in things in the drawers, especially where we had the Drano and the other stuff, where the kids couldn\u2019t open the drawers without having to push down on something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe called it child-proofing our home. I don\u2019t think we were being overly protective in doing that; were we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>No, not physically\u2014absolutely not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think every parent is thinking, \u201cYes, we want there to be safety.\u201d\u00a0 We think of protection as the natural thing you do to get to safety, rather than thinking of exploration as a high value. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>One great example of this would be\u2014our kids\u2014I describe in the book what\u2019s called praising the struggle \/ the ability to be able to help your kids through difficult challenges. I don\u2019t want my daughter, who is a toddler right now, running through the backyard and going: \u201cWay to go!\u00a0 You\u2019re going to be an Olympian one day\u201d; right?\u00a0 The chances of her being an Olympian are very, very, very, very extremely slim. I don\u2019t want her to think she\u2019s just this awesome runner. So, our ability to be able to be honest with our kids about their talents and their abilities, but also, point them in the right direction to where their strengths do lie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother good example\u2014this is my son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember one time he had to put his blocks away before bed. I told him he had to put his blocks away. We are singing the cleanup song; alright?\u00a0 But he was frustrated\u2014he did <em>not<\/em> want to put those toys away. Rather than picking up the toys for him and just going to bed, I wanted to teach him what it was to work through his frustration\u2014I wanted to help him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of times, as parents, we just want to\u2014and there are appropriate times to just do it and overprotect because it\u2019s important to do that\u2014but the more that we can engage them and <em>challenge<\/em> them in their struggles\u2014I describe it as a balance. Really, the balance between exploration and protection is a balance between support and challenge. You want to offer challenge to your kids\u2014just like you when you are going to the gym; right?\u00a0 You want to put your muscles under some type of strain and stress but not too much that they break. That\u2019s really what we\u2019re looking at here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>What I did with my son was\u2014I started picking up the blocks for him. I went to put them in the bucket; but as I did, I just let out this really loud grunt like: \u201cURGH!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m holding onto the block, and I\u2019m just releasing it into the bucket. I would do it piece by piece; and all of a sudden, he started to laugh. He was a toddler, at the time, and he was getting ready to really go into a tantrum. All of a sudden, he started laughing. I was able to describe to him, as I could, just going, \u201cI know you are angry, buddy; but we have to do this.\u201d\u00a0 He would, then, take a piece and he would do it with me. He would: \u201cURGH!\u201d\u00a0 It was just helping him learn how to work through that frustration rather than doing that for him\u2014I wanted him to experience that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It seems almost counterintuitive; but actually, to train your kids to be explorers and to venture out, they really need boundaries. I\u2019ve never forgotten this illustration about a study that was done on a playground that had streets on three sides of it. They noticed that when they didn\u2019t have a fence up on the playground, the kids only used about 40 to 50 percent of the playground because there were cars whizzing by. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they decided they\u2019d put a fence around that playground. When they did, all of a sudden, the kids went out to the edges of the playground and they enjoyed all of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is a generation today who think that kids need green fields\u2014it\u2019s the Microsoft<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> advertisement in the magazine where it\u2019s limitless\u2014you can go for it \/ you can go out there. Actually, they really do need boundaries to teach them how far they can go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great example because in one recent survey, it found that over 54 percent of millennial parents today want to be their child\u2019s BFF \/ their best friend forever. This type of parent is a parent who does exactly what you described\u2014where they allow them to explore more than they should, age appropriately. They, also, are more grace-filled, but they tend to lean toward exploration. They, also, tend to lean toward grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs their children explore out into the world and they run into consequences, rather than being the child\u2019s fault for the consequences in their actions, they blame the world rather than the child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The reality is\u2014our children\u2014they need an authority figure \/ they don\u2019t need a BFF. I just humbly tell parents: \u201cIf you\u2019re looking for your child to be your best friend, you need to find friends your own age.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, I have to be honest\u2014and we\u2019re talking with Joshua Straub, who has written a book called <em>Safe House<\/em>\u2014my wife and I have talked about this. I leaned more in that direction when we were raising our kids. I spent seven summers, growing up, as camp counselor, and my kids [camp kids] loved being in my cabin\u2014I was the fun camp counselor. I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m shocked!\u00a0 I\u2019m totally stunned by this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was always coming up with fun things for the cabin to do, and I got high scores from those kids. So, I thought parenting\u2014that\u2019s what you did!\u00a0 You have kids\u2014you create a fun environment \/ they think you\u2019re the best counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Mary Ann was more aware of the fact that kids need structure, and boundaries, and kids need to be told, \u201cNo,\u201d every now and then. Here I was\u2014the softer parent\u2014and she was the more authoritarian parent, which didn\u2019t put her in a good light in that parenting equilibrium. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut honestly, Josh, I was always a little in fear of the fact that if I put the boundaries too hard and firm around my kids, they were going to rebel relationally \/ they were going to check out\u2014they were going to go, \u201cOkay; if I can\u2019t get Dad on my side, I\u2019ll go find somebody who will say, \u2018Yes,\u2019 to me.\u201d\u00a0 I lived in a little bit of fear of that as a parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> illustration because in\u2014you know, we talked about the foundation of a safe house is our rock\u2014Christ. I describe it as the foundation of these walls. Our ability to balance these walls well over time is a secure parent. Well, the ultimate secure parent has a relationship\u2014is secure in who they are in Christ\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but also is their ability to know and connect their own story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was telling you guys earlier about my relationship with my own parents and how I grew up. My ability to connect the dots to how that divorce impacted who I became really had a <em>huge<\/em> impact on who I am now, as a parent, and how present I am with my kids in these difficult moments. This is true for all of us. I tend to lean more toward that helicopter, overprotective parent, and I see that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, there is nothing bad about these things. It\u2019s important that we just know what our tendencies are so that we can know: \u201cOkay; I have a little bit of fear here around this. Where is that fear coming from?\u00a0 How is it hindering my relationship with my kids?\u201d or \u201cHow is it hindering my kids and how I relate to them?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for my wife and I\u2014we see our differences, but we\u2019re able to unify ourselves together and go\u2014and see each other\u2019s strengths and weaknesses and then come together in that in the way that we parent our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Mary Ann said to me one time\u2014she said, \u201cYou will probably\u2014if you get strict with the kids and you think, \u2018I\u2019m probably being too strict,\u2019\u201d\u2014she said, \u201cYou will probably never be too strict.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When you think you are being too strict, just recognize that. I was able to say to her, \u201cYou will probably never be too overly affectionate with the kids,\u201d\u2014because as she looked at her own story, she would\u2014I think she\u2019d say, \u201cYes, it didn\u2019t come naturally to me to hug, to kiss, to express affection, to say, \u2018I love you.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So: \u201cAt the point you are starting to feel like, \u2018I\u2019m laying it on a little too thick with this,\u2019 you\u2019re probably just about where you need to be.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here\u2019s where you\u2019ve got to take a step back and look at the genius of God and how He brings two people together to complement one another. Rather than try to change the other parent and try to make them more like you, instead say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Let\u2019s embrace our differences. Let\u2019s talk about how we work together.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may mean we have to call a time out with the kid and go have a conversation in the bedroom, where you\u2019re away from the kids and they can\u2019t hear you arguing and discussing your differences about how to approach this issue. If one\u2019s overly protective and the other one is overly permissive, you\u2019ve got to have some freedom for both to express. Then, begin to pray about it and talk about, \u201cHow do we come to agreement here?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s important that you ultimately agree on how you\u2019re going to raise your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>And that unified front is <em>huge<\/em>. Our kids don\u2019t do as we say\u2014they do as we do. They are <em>watching<\/em> us. How we interact in our marriage has a huge impact in how they are going to interact in theirs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, here we are\u2014we\u2019ve got two walls that we are beginning to build on this foundation\u2014exploration, which empowers children to explore \/ move toward independence, which they have to do at some point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And make mistakes, and learn there are consequences, and let them do that, instead of trying to protect them from everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. Then, there is the wall of protection, which also sets up boundaries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, at some point, no matter how good a job you do trying to balance these two, you are going to have a kid like Josh\u2014who, when he got a bicycle \/ he decided, because he loved riding a bicycle, you were just going to take out and go riding in a place where you shouldn\u2019t have been. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Joshua: <\/strong>Yes. I went down\u2014I\u2019ll never forget that moment\u2014I ran that baby down through the yard and out into the alley and I met the grill of a car. I mean, I didn\u2019t get hit; but I mean that car slammed on its brakes. It was two inches from me and scared the <em>daylights<\/em> out of me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your mom and dad made it real clear to you\u2014you were not to leave the yard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I did anyway, and I wanted to jump the hill at the bottom of the alleyway. There were hardly ever cars there. So, I just thought, \u201cWhy not give it a whirl?\u201d\u00a0 I was probably about six or seven years old at the time and just took my bike down over there, and that was it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Trying to calibrate where we belong, as parents, between the wall of protection and the wall of exploration, that\u2019s kind of a fluid place to be. It\u2019s not easy to dial in the exact place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joshua: <\/strong>I have a <em>Safe House<\/em> Parenting Assessment in the book, where you can kind of take a look at what your parenting style is based upon where you\u2019re at with these four walls. And the key, though, is really understanding your own story and your ability \/ what your tendency is and your ability to be present with your kids\u2014in their fearful and scared moments or when they\u2019re acting out\u2014what\u2019s really going on underneath them. If you can get a gauge on where you are \/ what your parenting tendency is\u2014it gives you the ability to know where you need to, maybe, be a little bit more strict or be a little bit more affectionate with your kids to meet them where they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; we\u2019ve got two walls. We\u2019ve got two more to go. I just want to go back and summarize where we started. As a parent\u2014listen to me\u2014your commitment to Jesus Christ and to your spouse is your foundation. Jesus compared building a house to building it on a rock\u2014to obeying what He said to do in the Bible, fulfilling your vows, being obedient to do what He called you to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you made a promise to stay married, that is your second most important promise you need to fulfill. The first is back to making Jesus Christ and allowing Him to be Lord of your life. Your kids need to see you and your spouse working things out\u2014showing them how two messy people, who are selfish at times, work through difficulty. Don\u2019t just remain married, but forgive each other. Give grace to each other and grow together, as a couple, and experience life as God designed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The strength of a marriage relationship is one of the key elements of a safe house. We often think it\u2019s all about how we relate to our kids, and that\u2019s a big part of it; but how we relate to one another, as husband and wife, is just as important. In fact, in some ways, it may be more important to the emotional safety that our kids feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we\u2019re so committed, here at FamilyLife, to providing practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families because we want kids to grow up in safe homes. We\u2019ve got copies of Dr. Joshua Straub\u2019s book by that title, <em>Safe House<\/em>. The book is available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online to request your copy. Our website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also order the book by phone when you call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Ask about the book, <em>Safe House<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we have got a couple of champions that we want to wish a \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to today. Their names are Darryl and Sharon Champion. They are a couple of champions. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to Darryl and Sharon, who have been married 30 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re marriage champions; right?\u2014been married 30 years today. They live in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and have been recently to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways. We wanted to just say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d because we think anniversaries matter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think it\u2019s important when couples stay together 20 and 30 and 40 and 50 years. In fact, what we do, here at FamilyLife, is to try to help make that happen. We\u2019re all about effectively developing godly marriages and families because we believe those kinds of marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d today to those of you who join with us in this mission as you donate to help defray the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. We couldn\u2019t do what we do without your help, and we\u2019re grateful for you. If you\u2019d like to make a donation today, it\u2019s easy. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about when you ought to show grace to a child who has disobeyed and when you ought to allow them to experience consequences. We\u2019ve got some thoughts about that\u2014we\u2019ll talk about it tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304090","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304090"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304090"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304090"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304090"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304090"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304090"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304090"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}