{"id":304082,"date":"2016-07-13T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-07-13T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/motivated-to-control\/"},"modified":"2016-07-13T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-07-13T15:00:00","slug":"motivated-to-control","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/motivated-to-control\/","title":{"rendered":"Motivated to Control"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nicole Unice and Karen Ehman believe that the root of control is fear or pride. Husbands can help their wives to put life in context and encourage them to be okay with less than perfect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-13.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.89M","filesize_raw":"30288957","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2831,2093],"tags":[5998,4584,6037,4251],"podcast_series":[7981],"cwp_profile":[3311,9323],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304082","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-wives","category-women","tag-control-freak","tag-fear","tag-husbands-encourage-your-wife","tag-pride","podcast_series-letting-go-of-control","cwp_profile-karen-ehman","cwp_profile-nicole-unice","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304082\/motivated-to-control","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304082\/motivated-to-control","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Muti9Hd2Lg\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/motivated-to-control\/\">Motivated to Control<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/motivated-to-control\/embed\/#?secret=Muti9Hd2Lg\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Motivated to Control&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Muti9Hd2Lg\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Would you say you are a high-control woman? What would your husband say? What would your children say? Nicole Unice says the issue of control gives women an opportunity to dig a little deeper to see just what is going on inside them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole<\/strong>: The real issue is not that you\u2019re micromanaging the birthday party. The real issue is that you\u2019ve made your kids an idol because, if we\u2019re striving that hard, there\u2019s something driving that inside of us. There\u2019s a fuel there that says, \u201cI need to be affirmed,\u201d or \u201cThe kids are where I find approval or worth.\u201d That\u2019s the real issue because I think that what we\u2019re missing is the opportunity to get to the heart of what we see of ourselves, as people, and what we really think of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, do you have control issues? We\u2019ll see if we can get to the heart of some of those issues today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. So, who do you think is going to run the show today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Both of our guests. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Neither of us; right?! [Laughter] I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be completely out of the loop by the time this is all over. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, since both of our guests have written books that deal with women who like to control things\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I think it would be safe for you and me to just leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just back out and hand it over to them. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I have a feeling you might learn a thing or two. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There you go; there you go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I have a secret male readership\u2014they send me notes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That is Nicole Unice\u2014and also, Karen Ehman joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Karen, Nicole\u2014welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen: <\/strong>Thanks for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Thanks. It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nicole and her husband are from Richmond, Virginia. They live there, along with their three children. She\u2019s a counselor and author of a book called <em>She\u2019s Got Issues<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not\u2014<em>I\u2019ve<\/em> Got Issues. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. We start with third person, and we move in from there. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But you do share a good bit about yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKaren is also a writer. She and her husband live in central Michigan, along with her family. She has written a book called <em>Let. It. Go<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell me the truth here\u2014do you think women struggle with control more than men?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I think that the way it manifests itself looks a certain way in women and differently in men. I do think\u2014I\u2019ll just go ahead and say it\u2014I think men\u2019s opportunity is in the area of passivity as a way of managing some of these things. I think, for women, more often than not, it ends up being an issue of control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There were a bunch of women who moved closer to the radio when you said \u201cpassive men.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You ladies both experienced a crisis in your life where you both had to confront this issue. It was around being pregnant \/ having children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess, really, Nicole, you start this story, first of all. Tell what happened in your crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Sure, I will. Yes; I was, you know, doing ordinary life. For me\u2014ordinary life, at the time, was three children under five. I was working part-time and in ministry. Sometimes, when you know in your head what the right thing to do is, it actually makes it all the more of a crisis when your heart does not follow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat, for me\u2014was a big part of my crisis\u2014was just having a moment, where I had my baby with me, and I had to step out of my house because I just couldn\u2019t take it anymore. It was the five o\u2019clock hour, which every woman knows lasts approximately 18 hours\u2014between the hours of five and six p.m.\u2014everybody is falling apart at that hour.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We call that time \u201cthe valley of the shadow of death\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> That is the valley of the shadow of death! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> It absolutely is! And it lasts sooo long! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> So long.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does. And you say it stripped away the \u201cnice girl\u201d demeanor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s right. I think that having children\u2014 and I\u2019ve seen this in other women too\u2014sort of the ability to keep it together, at least on the outside, is a little bit removed. It sort of pulls back a little bit\u2014at least it did for me\u2014it just wasn\u2019t there. I knew that the way that I, not only was acting in my own home, but the way that I was thinking and the way that I was feeling was <em>so far<\/em> removed from the woman that I wanted to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think that women tend to accept some of those things as just: \u201cThis is just my personality. I\u2019m just stressed. I just need sleep.\u201d But what I love to tell women\u2014and that I believe, truly, from my own heart\u2014is that those very stressful times are the real you. That is not you, under stress \/ that is the real you. So, for me, realizing that that time of stress is not about just being stressed\u2014it\u2019s about who I really am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know\u2014that\u2019s a great point. I remember a friend of mine, one time, who was talking with a mother of a teen. The mother of the teen said, \u201cI was never an impatient person until my daughter became a teenager.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My friend said: \u201cYou have <em>always<\/em> been an impatient person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt just took a teenager to bring it out of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes; exactly! And that\u2019s a big mind shift because that\u2019s not really, sort of, what we hear in the culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And children have a way of bringing that out. In fact, I read a Proverb this morning that said, \u201cThe heart of a man reveals who the man really is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We don\u2019t like that many times, but it is our children who are used in that sanctification process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Karen, what was your crisis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I had horrible pregnancies. I had three children. With each of them, I had what is called hyperemesis, which is a fancy term for saying \u201cmorning sickness all day long.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I, literally, could not get off the couch. I had to go to the hospital to get IVs and all kinds of medicines that just didn\u2019t work. For me, being a really in-charge, get-with-the-program kind of gal, it was very hard\u2014especially with pregnancies two and three. I had to actually go to friend\u2019s houses during the day and lie on their couch, with my bucket next to me. My children had to run around their house and be cared for by my friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis lasted for about eight months with my first child; seven with my second; and about six months with my third child. Lying there on the couch, not able to get up and do anything, really taught me two things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, it taught me that I was not indispensable. I used to think: \u201cMy family would <em>fall apart<\/em> if I weren\u2019t around here! I keep things running around here.\u201d Then, the second thing\u2014lying there\u2014that I really realized was that, when I was unable to function, because of my medical condition, I was also unable to get my own way. I couldn\u2019t make sure my daughter\u2019s bow matched her dress as she was going out the door for church. I could not get my own way!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, it was a very good place for me to learn to dwell because I had never been forced to be in a position where I didn\u2019t get my own way because I\u2019m a <em>pretty persuasive<\/em> person, and my husband\u2019s a very laid-back agreeable kind of guy. Just to see how\u2014through those pregnancies, my family fared pretty well\u2014taught me a lot about my need to control, my need to get my own way, my need to feel like I completely ran things around there, and it would fall apart without me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying, \u201cWhen things didn\u2019t go exactly the way you thought they ought to be going, life did not fall apart the way you thought it would?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> No! You know, Captain Crunch for breakfast, lunch, and dinner never killed anybody. I thought it would; but when my poor husband was faced with nothing but cereal in the cupboard, the kids lived. It was okay! I just tended to think that things needed to be done right. To me, being done right meant doing them my way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your husband broke out in leadership and got a youth group to come and kind of help sort things through to give you a break. That didn\u2019t exactly work out the way you expected it to work out; did it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> No, I laid there and cried. I was so embarrassed that my house was messy\u2014from the grimy ceilings to the filthy floors. Lying there\u2014facing the reality that I couldn\u2019t do it all and I had to have teenagers come in and help me\u2014it was very humbling for me. In fact, I wanted so badly to get up and clean before they came to clean so they wouldn\u2019t see my dirt!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really had to learn how to accept help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m the first one to sign up when somebody needs a meal or somebody needs something\u2014I <em>love <\/em>to help people\u2014but I don\u2019t accept it very well because I want to appear as though I have it all together. I don\u2019t like to admit: \u201cI can\u2019t do this. I have limitations.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nicole, let me ask you: \u201cWhat is at the core?\u201d There is really a deeper issue than the control issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And tied to that: \u201cIs this really a gender-based issue? Can we say that this is more of an issue for women than it is for men?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I don\u2019t love to make lots of sweeping generalizations. I believe very much that men and women are different. I think control, at the heart of it, is either rooted in fear or pride. Either \u201cI want what I want when I want it,\u201d\u2014and maybe, I\u2019m so far removed from that deep issue that it just seems, to me, like\u2014\u201cI\u2019m just being a helper,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m just doing what I\u2019m good at,\u201d or whatever we sort of say to ourselves\u2014<em>or <\/em>I am so terrified that I will not have someone\u2019s approval, that I will not be affirmed, that I will have to face pain \/ that my loved ones will have to face pain, I\u2019m scared of death\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014whatever that is\u2014that we have a striving, inside of us, for that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrom a perspective of men and women, I think at the deep root of it, the Lord has made it very clear that we all have a deep desire for significance. How we go about getting that significance\u2014I do think looks different for men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, for a husband, who\u2019s listening to us right now, who has identified between your two stories\u2014that: \u201cYes, I think my wife may struggle a bit with control. Maybe, she\u2019s on the fear side. I think I\u2019ve got to create some kind of relationship with my wife. I\u2019ve got to nourish and cherish her in such a way that she feels safe, she feels that my commitment is secure, and that she doesn\u2019t have to control everything.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about the husband, who\u2019s listening, who says: \u201cI don\u2019t know if that\u2019s my wife\u2019s issue. It\u2019s over on the pride side.\u201d What would you ladies say to him and coach him in dealing with a wife who\u2019s in that category? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, just go home and confront her\u2014I think! [Laughter] Just go home and say: \u201cYou\u2019ve got a pride issue, Sweetheart. I heard about it on the radio today!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can assure you\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Things will not go well for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014they will not go well, and do <em>not <\/em>give <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> credit on that one! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, I really think it\u2019s very important to understand that, for a woman, really, being controlling sometimes is a strength carried to an extreme, that now becomes a weakness\u2014because women are very good at being conscientious, at pursuing excellence, at multi-tasking\u2014but sometimes, we cross the line and we\u2019re no longer conscientious\u2014we\u2019re controlling. We\u2019re no longer just multi-tasking\u2014we\u2019re micro-managing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, at the root of why we women do that, is because culture kind of demands it of us today. We paint this picture that women can do it <em>all<\/em>\u2014they can raise the kids, they can take care of the house, they can work outside of the home or inside the home, and they have all of these community and church responsibilities. We have all these things that we\u2019re juggling, and we want to do them with excellence. In a way, we\u2019re thinking about the verse in Colossians that says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhatever we do, we\u2019re to work at it heartily, as unto the Lord.\u201d We think we\u2019re just trying to do the good-mom thing and do the good-wife thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, because we feel that there are eyes watching us \/ evaluating our performance: \u201cHow are our kids turning out?\u201d \u201cGee, how are the kids on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> turning out?\u201d\u2014that we see our friends post pictures. They win \u201cStudent of the Month\u201d at their middle school the same time you\u2019re hanging up the phone from the Vice Principal, at your middle school, because your child just pulled an inappropriate prank\u2014you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, exactly; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014for which he got busted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Not that that has ever happened to anybody <em>I <\/em>know! [Laughter] So often, we see those people doing life <em>really well<\/em>\u2014and all these different roles that they have, as a woman\u2014and we feel that we need to keep up. So, we bark out orders to our family and try to get them to get with the program because we\u2019re trying to pursue the appearance of perfection\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014rather than pursuing the person of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a husband who can help his wife to know that: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be perfect, Honey. I love you just the way you are. I love our kids just the way they are. We\u2019re going to pursue the purposes of God for our family, but we don\u2019t have to do it like everybody else does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe don\u2019t have to be perfect like all these other families appear to be. We are our own unique family and our own unique marriage. I love you just the way you are.\u201d Then, I think, maybe, she won\u2019t try to feel like she has to keep up with the Joneses\u2014that parade in front of our eyes, 24\/7, on the internet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, a husband can help his wife put life in context\u2014to say: \u201cYou know, we don\u2019t have to do it all. It\u2019s okay to settle for less. You don\u2019t have to be perfect.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I think\u2014you know\u2014one of the temptations in a marriage is to talk <em>at <\/em>each other. I believe that growth happens in an environment of safety and love. Anytime these things are going on\u2014perhaps, you see your wife doing something where you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhy is she striving so hard?\u201d\u2014even to ask some of those questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve lost the art of a good question\u2014a question that isn\u2019t leading \/ a question that\u2019s not trying to make a point. A man has an opportunity to ask his wife a good question: \u201cWhy are you trying so hard to keep up?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s not a rhetorical question. It\u2019s a real question: \u201cWhat is going on in your heart?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what we\u2019re missing is the opportunity to get to the <em>heart<\/em> of what we see of ourselves, as people, and what we really think of God\u2014because, if we\u2019re striving that hard, there\u2019s something driving that inside of us. There\u2019s a fuel there that says, \u201cI need to be affirmed,\u201d or \u201cThe kids are where I find approval or worth.\u201d That\u2019s the real issue. The real issue is not that you\u2019re micromanaging the birthday party. The real issue is that you find all of your worth and you\u2019ve made your kids an idol. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> It has truly become the place of worship in your heart. We miss an opportunity, as husbands and wives, if we don\u2019t ask the good questions in an environment of safety and security. It doesn\u2019t have to be in one night \/ it\u2019s not one date night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m glad you said that because I can ask Barbara a question\u2014and, early in our marriage, she would say: \u201cI don\u2019t know. I\u2019m not in touch to be able to answer that question on the spot.\u201d At that point, you may need to give your wife freedom and space to process\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and come back 24 hours later, or a couple of days later, and say: \u201cYou know that question you asked me? I think I\u2019ve got at least a pass of an answer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Well, isn\u2019t that the beauty of a marriage? That it is a lifetime to know each other. I think that, even in conflict, sort of staying in it\u2014not feeling like\u2014\u201cThis is a sitcom marriage, and we have to be resolved in the next sixty seconds. If we\u2019re not, it\u2019s not okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing for husbands\u2014and I say this to women all of the time\u2014in the issue of control: \u201cDon\u2019t try to fix it right now. Can you ask one good question that might get him thinking? Can you just let it be at that and hold your tongue for the rest? Let it be with just that one good question\u2014that you can come back.\u201d That\u2019s real growth, to me \/ there\u2019s an opportunity there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I really like that because that removes the pressure from the moment\u2014which I do think we live in such an instant, text-message culture, and finding something on Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or going to Wikipedia or whatever on the internet. We\u2019re so used to doing it\u2014we want to solve things quickly. Some of these issues have been in formation for a lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are a lot of habits and, really, a lot of things that contribute to it that we don\u2019t understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that occurs to me\u2014we\u2019ve been talking about control, but we really haven\u2019t unpacked what it really looks like. So, what I\u2019d like both of you ladies to do is unpack what it looks like, in your life, as you have had to deal with the issue of control. So, who volunteers to go first? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Radio silence! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Blackout! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> What do you mean?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If we had TV\u2014stark terror on the face. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, I think, for me\u2014I actually, in my book, I write about the different kinds of control and the different kinds of women. There might be all-out control freaks that are dominant and combative, and they are bossy. You can think of different sitcom moms, maybe, that you know who are like that\u2014that are in-your-face controlling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, we have people who are enablers. They may be more quiet and soft-spoken, but they so want to control the image that they\u2019re putting out about what their family is like that they\u2019re the one that runs up to the school every time their child forgets their lunch pail or forgets their homework because they don\u2019t want it to look like they have a child that\u2019s not with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr maybe, they have a husband who behaves badly or maybe has some sort of substance-abuse problem. They continually cover up for them\u2014trying to control it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome people control\u2014and this is the one I do\u2014through people-pleasing. I think, in the end, it comes out in a lot of different ways, according to our personality; but at the root of all control\u2014I really feel like\u2014especially, for women\u2014again, because we have so many hats we\u2019re trying to wear and things we\u2019re trying to juggle\u2014I think, at the end of the day, we control because we don\u2019t trust God. We think we can do His job better than He can. We think we know what\u2019s best for us rather than Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may come out in different ways; but I think, really, at the root of it, is we just don\u2019t <em>trust<\/em>. We think that we have to do it a certain way because we don\u2019t get to the place where we just sit back and let things lie for a little bit\u2014we don\u2019t have to fix it right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just learn, through the journey, that those faith lessons of trusting God\u2014we want to get to the end result\u2014we want to fix the outcome. We don\u2019t just sit back and let Him have the driver\u2019s seat. It\u2019s not that we\u2019re trying to be godly\u2014we\u2019re trying to be God!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, I agree with you. Nicole, what about you? If we called your husband, right now, on his cell phone\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and said, \u201cWould you bring forth the DNA, the fingerprints, the eyewitness evidence of how Nicole has dealt with issues of control?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What would he say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Well, I know I can say, for myself, that I was born bossy and always have been. If that\u2019s submerged in God\u2019s obedience, it can be a wonderful gift\u2014to have the gift of influence\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> \u2014but outside of it, it\u2019s its own thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I really have learned through this process and just being an adult\u2014and, again, having young children\u2014really getting to the root of things\u2014where you believe deeply that life should go a certain way for you. I think, over and over again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014whether it was in an argument with my husband or hiding in my walk-in closet and crying and trying to understand life\u2014it was a sense of very strong belief that I should be able to get my life to go a certain way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it is not going that way, there is anger there \/ there\u2019s resentment. The anger and the resentment are toward the Lord, at the end of the day\u2014that\u2019s what it\u2019s toward. You can either turn it in and decide that you can fully wrestle your way into what you want or, at some point, you have to really realize, \u201cWho\u2019s in control of my life here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the one thing about control is that we are made to work. I think there\u2019s a little bit in this Christianity \/ church-ianity life for women that\u2019s like: \u201cSit back and abide in the Lord. Be a Mary. Don\u2019t be a Martha.\u201d I\u2019m all into that, but I have a pretty hard-driving personality. So, it\u2019s really been pretty hard to take that in because it sounds, to me, like: \u201cStop doing anything. Don\u2019t do anything.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cMost women I know are pretty awesome at a lot of things. A lot of women have changed the world because of the beliefs that they\u2019ve had and what they\u2019ve done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019re all just sitting back.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> So, I want to say that we were made\u2014men and women, together\u2014to advance the Kingdom. We really do have work to do in this world. God has chosen us, as His church\u2014His hands and feet. It\u2019s a matter of what you do with the influence He\u2019s given you \/ it\u2019s not a matter of not having any influence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Don\u2019t you think it all comes down to motive? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> For me, it comes down to motive: \u201c<em>Why <\/em>are you doing what you\u2019re doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Right; that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u201cAre you doing it to get recognition? Are you doing it to wow the neighbors and impress all of the people down at the PTA?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing it because you\u2019ve truly been in a close-walking relationship with the Lord; and through the Holy Spirit, He has told you: \u2018These are My marching orders for you. Now go do the job with excellence.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s fine!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s how I want to kind of wrap what we\u2019re talking about here because what I hear you ladies talking about is a humility that takes a step back and considers your own heart: \u201cWhere is your heart?\u201d You know, the Proverbs warn us: \u201cGuard your heart, for from it flow the wellsprings of life.\u201d What I hear you saying is: \u201cTake a step back. Look in the mirror of the Scriptures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cEvaluate your own life and say, \u2018God, do I have an issue of control?\u2019\u201d Whether you are male or female, by the way\u2014but pull back, ask God the question\u2014and then, be quiet. Just sit on that prayer for a couple of days and ask God, \u201cWould You begin to show me if I have an issue of control?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust to kind of help you relax about it\u2014all of us bring issues into our marriage\u2014like bringing bags into the house. We\u2019ve got the issues, and we\u2019ve got to unpack them. It\u2019s the safest\u2014I think\u2014the safest relationship in life because it\u2019s a covenant relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The marriage relationship is for keeps\u2014where real transformation and life-change can occur, under the leadership and Lordship of Jesus Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m imagining a wife, who\u2019s listening, who would say: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to do what Dennis said. I\u2019m just going to ask the Lord, \u2018Do I have an issue here?\u2019 I\u2019m just going to get quiet here and spend a couple of days.\u201d Then, she decides: \u201cI\u2019m going to ask my husband. I\u2019m just going to ask him, \u2018Do you think I have a control issue?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore you ask him, just ask yourself this question: \u201cIf he says, \u2018Well, yes, Babe. You know, there are some areas\u2026,\u2019 how are you going to respond if he answers that way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you think, \u201cIf he said that, I would get so mad!\u201d then, you probably have a control issue. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was going to say, Bob, to that woman\u2014that she has that prayer, and she prays it\u2014and then, her husband, who is listening to this broadcast today, as well, comes home and says, \u201cSweetie, you\u2019ve got an issue\u2026\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s not good either. We\u2019re not going to end on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, you don\u2019t go home today and say, \u201cThey were talking about you on the radio today, Sweetheart.\u201d [Laughter] And I wouldn\u2019t go home and say, \u201cI ordered a couple of books for you from <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d In fact, let me just encourage wives: \u201cTake the pressure off your husbands. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look at the books we\u2019ve been talking about today\u2014the one by Nicole Unice called <em>She\u2019s Got Issues<\/em> and the one by Karen Ehman called <em>Let. It. Go.<\/em>\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order either or both when you go to our website. Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is the web address; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d And we\u2019ll make arrangements to get these books sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, guess who is celebrating 25 years together as a couple today. They live in Aurora, Colorado, and listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on KRKS. Their names are Sukhee and Oky Cho\u2014and 25 years \/ they were married in 1991. They are also supporters of this ministry. We just wanted to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to the Chos as they celebrate the big silver anniversary today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries are a big deal. They ought to be a big deal. I mean, it represents something significant in a marriage. It represents commitment. It represents a whole lot of forgiveness that has had to occur. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt represents an understanding that God\u2019s design for marriage means going the distance together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re all about that, here at FamilyLife. We want to provide you with practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family every day on this broadcast and in everything we do, here at FamilyLife. We are joined in that passion by folks, like you, who come alongside this broadcast and help make all that we do possible through your donations. We are a donor-supported ministry. More than 65 percent of the funds that we need to operate this ministry come from donations. Without you, literally, much of what we do here would not happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, can we ask you to be a part of this ministry today? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Make an online donation to support the work we\u2019re doing here, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make your donation over the phone. Or if you\u2019d prefer, you can mail your donation to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I think there is a question about \u201cWhen does the desire to make sure things are being done right turn into being controlling?\u201d We\u2019re going to explore that tomorrow with our guests, Karen Ehman and Nicole Unice. Hope you can be back with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.89M"],"filesize_raw":["30288957"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304082.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304082.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Unice and Karen Ehman believe that the root of control is fear or pride. Husbands can help their wives to put life in context and encourage them to be okay with less than perfect.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Would you say you are a high-control woman? What would your husband say? What would your children say? Nicole Unice says the issue of control gives women an opportunity to dig a little deeper to see just what is going on inside them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole<\/strong>: The real issue is not that you\u2019re micromanaging the birthday party. The real issue is that you\u2019ve made your kids an idol because, if we\u2019re striving that hard, there\u2019s something driving that inside of us. There\u2019s a fuel there that says, \u201cI need to be affirmed,\u201d or \u201cThe kids are where I find approval or worth.\u201d That\u2019s the real issue because I think that what we\u2019re missing is the opportunity to get to the heart of what we see of ourselves, as people, and what we really think of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, do you have control issues? We\u2019ll see if we can get to the heart of some of those issues today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. So, who do you think is going to run the show today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Both of our guests. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Neither of us; right?! [Laughter] I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be completely out of the loop by the time this is all over. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, since both of our guests have written books that deal with women who like to control things\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I think it would be safe for you and me to just leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just back out and hand it over to them. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I have a feeling you might learn a thing or two. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There you go; there you go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I have a secret male readership\u2014they send me notes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That is Nicole Unice\u2014and also, Karen Ehman joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Karen, Nicole\u2014welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen: <\/strong>Thanks for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Thanks. It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nicole and her husband are from Richmond, Virginia. They live there, along with their three children. She\u2019s a counselor and author of a book called <em>She\u2019s Got Issues<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not\u2014<em>I\u2019ve<\/em> Got Issues. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. We start with third person, and we move in from there. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But you do share a good bit about yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKaren is also a writer. She and her husband live in central Michigan, along with her family. She has written a book called <em>Let. It. Go<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell me the truth here\u2014do you think women struggle with control more than men?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I think that the way it manifests itself looks a certain way in women and differently in men. I do think\u2014I\u2019ll just go ahead and say it\u2014I think men\u2019s opportunity is in the area of passivity as a way of managing some of these things. I think, for women, more often than not, it ends up being an issue of control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There were a bunch of women who moved closer to the radio when you said \u201cpassive men.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You ladies both experienced a crisis in your life where you both had to confront this issue. It was around being pregnant \/ having children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess, really, Nicole, you start this story, first of all. Tell what happened in your crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Sure, I will. Yes; I was, you know, doing ordinary life. For me\u2014ordinary life, at the time, was three children under five. I was working part-time and in ministry. Sometimes, when you know in your head what the right thing to do is, it actually makes it all the more of a crisis when your heart does not follow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat, for me\u2014was a big part of my crisis\u2014was just having a moment, where I had my baby with me, and I had to step out of my house because I just couldn\u2019t take it anymore. It was the five o\u2019clock hour, which every woman knows lasts approximately 18 hours\u2014between the hours of five and six p.m.\u2014everybody is falling apart at that hour.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We call that time \u201cthe valley of the shadow of death\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> That is the valley of the shadow of death! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> It absolutely is! And it lasts sooo long! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> So long.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does. And you say it stripped away the \u201cnice girl\u201d demeanor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s right. I think that having children\u2014 and I\u2019ve seen this in other women too\u2014sort of the ability to keep it together, at least on the outside, is a little bit removed. It sort of pulls back a little bit\u2014at least it did for me\u2014it just wasn\u2019t there. I knew that the way that I, not only was acting in my own home, but the way that I was thinking and the way that I was feeling was <em>so far<\/em> removed from the woman that I wanted to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think that women tend to accept some of those things as just: \u201cThis is just my personality. I\u2019m just stressed. I just need sleep.\u201d But what I love to tell women\u2014and that I believe, truly, from my own heart\u2014is that those very stressful times are the real you. That is not you, under stress \/ that is the real you. So, for me, realizing that that time of stress is not about just being stressed\u2014it\u2019s about who I really am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know\u2014that\u2019s a great point. I remember a friend of mine, one time, who was talking with a mother of a teen. The mother of the teen said, \u201cI was never an impatient person until my daughter became a teenager.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My friend said: \u201cYou have <em>always<\/em> been an impatient person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt just took a teenager to bring it out of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes; exactly! And that\u2019s a big mind shift because that\u2019s not really, sort of, what we hear in the culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And children have a way of bringing that out. In fact, I read a Proverb this morning that said, \u201cThe heart of a man reveals who the man really is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We don\u2019t like that many times, but it is our children who are used in that sanctification process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Karen, what was your crisis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I had horrible pregnancies. I had three children. With each of them, I had what is called hyperemesis, which is a fancy term for saying \u201cmorning sickness all day long.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I, literally, could not get off the couch. I had to go to the hospital to get IVs and all kinds of medicines that just didn\u2019t work. For me, being a really in-charge, get-with-the-program kind of gal, it was very hard\u2014especially with pregnancies two and three. I had to actually go to friend\u2019s houses during the day and lie on their couch, with my bucket next to me. My children had to run around their house and be cared for by my friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis lasted for about eight months with my first child; seven with my second; and about six months with my third child. Lying there on the couch, not able to get up and do anything, really taught me two things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, it taught me that I was not indispensable. I used to think: \u201cMy family would <em>fall apart<\/em> if I weren\u2019t around here! I keep things running around here.\u201d Then, the second thing\u2014lying there\u2014that I really realized was that, when I was unable to function, because of my medical condition, I was also unable to get my own way. I couldn\u2019t make sure my daughter\u2019s bow matched her dress as she was going out the door for church. I could not get my own way!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, it was a very good place for me to learn to dwell because I had never been forced to be in a position where I didn\u2019t get my own way because I\u2019m a <em>pretty persuasive<\/em> person, and my husband\u2019s a very laid-back agreeable kind of guy. Just to see how\u2014through those pregnancies, my family fared pretty well\u2014taught me a lot about my need to control, my need to get my own way, my need to feel like I completely ran things around there, and it would fall apart without me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying, \u201cWhen things didn\u2019t go exactly the way you thought they ought to be going, life did not fall apart the way you thought it would?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> No! You know, Captain Crunch for breakfast, lunch, and dinner never killed anybody. I thought it would; but when my poor husband was faced with nothing but cereal in the cupboard, the kids lived. It was okay! I just tended to think that things needed to be done right. To me, being done right meant doing them my way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your husband broke out in leadership and got a youth group to come and kind of help sort things through to give you a break. That didn\u2019t exactly work out the way you expected it to work out; did it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> No, I laid there and cried. I was so embarrassed that my house was messy\u2014from the grimy ceilings to the filthy floors. Lying there\u2014facing the reality that I couldn\u2019t do it all and I had to have teenagers come in and help me\u2014it was very humbling for me. In fact, I wanted so badly to get up and clean before they came to clean so they wouldn\u2019t see my dirt!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really had to learn how to accept help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m the first one to sign up when somebody needs a meal or somebody needs something\u2014I <em>love <\/em>to help people\u2014but I don\u2019t accept it very well because I want to appear as though I have it all together. I don\u2019t like to admit: \u201cI can\u2019t do this. I have limitations.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nicole, let me ask you: \u201cWhat is at the core?\u201d There is really a deeper issue than the control issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And tied to that: \u201cIs this really a gender-based issue? Can we say that this is more of an issue for women than it is for men?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I don\u2019t love to make lots of sweeping generalizations. I believe very much that men and women are different. I think control, at the heart of it, is either rooted in fear or pride. Either \u201cI want what I want when I want it,\u201d\u2014and maybe, I\u2019m so far removed from that deep issue that it just seems, to me, like\u2014\u201cI\u2019m just being a helper,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m just doing what I\u2019m good at,\u201d or whatever we sort of say to ourselves\u2014<em>or <\/em>I am so terrified that I will not have someone\u2019s approval, that I will not be affirmed, that I will have to face pain \/ that my loved ones will have to face pain, I\u2019m scared of death\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014whatever that is\u2014that we have a striving, inside of us, for that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrom a perspective of men and women, I think at the deep root of it, the Lord has made it very clear that we all have a deep desire for significance. How we go about getting that significance\u2014I do think looks different for men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, for a husband, who\u2019s listening to us right now, who has identified between your two stories\u2014that: \u201cYes, I think my wife may struggle a bit with control. Maybe, she\u2019s on the fear side. I think I\u2019ve got to create some kind of relationship with my wife. I\u2019ve got to nourish and cherish her in such a way that she feels safe, she feels that my commitment is secure, and that she doesn\u2019t have to control everything.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about the husband, who\u2019s listening, who says: \u201cI don\u2019t know if that\u2019s my wife\u2019s issue. It\u2019s over on the pride side.\u201d What would you ladies say to him and coach him in dealing with a wife who\u2019s in that category? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, just go home and confront her\u2014I think! [Laughter] Just go home and say: \u201cYou\u2019ve got a pride issue, Sweetheart. I heard about it on the radio today!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can assure you\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Things will not go well for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014they will not go well, and do <em>not <\/em>give <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> credit on that one! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, I really think it\u2019s very important to understand that, for a woman, really, being controlling sometimes is a strength carried to an extreme, that now becomes a weakness\u2014because women are very good at being conscientious, at pursuing excellence, at multi-tasking\u2014but sometimes, we cross the line and we\u2019re no longer conscientious\u2014we\u2019re controlling. We\u2019re no longer just multi-tasking\u2014we\u2019re micro-managing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, at the root of why we women do that, is because culture kind of demands it of us today. We paint this picture that women can do it <em>all<\/em>\u2014they can raise the kids, they can take care of the house, they can work outside of the home or inside the home, and they have all of these community and church responsibilities. We have all these things that we\u2019re juggling, and we want to do them with excellence. In a way, we\u2019re thinking about the verse in Colossians that says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhatever we do, we\u2019re to work at it heartily, as unto the Lord.\u201d We think we\u2019re just trying to do the good-mom thing and do the good-wife thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, because we feel that there are eyes watching us \/ evaluating our performance: \u201cHow are our kids turning out?\u201d \u201cGee, how are the kids on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> turning out?\u201d\u2014that we see our friends post pictures. They win \u201cStudent of the Month\u201d at their middle school the same time you\u2019re hanging up the phone from the Vice Principal, at your middle school, because your child just pulled an inappropriate prank\u2014you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, exactly; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014for which he got busted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Not that that has ever happened to anybody <em>I <\/em>know! [Laughter] So often, we see those people doing life <em>really well<\/em>\u2014and all these different roles that they have, as a woman\u2014and we feel that we need to keep up. So, we bark out orders to our family and try to get them to get with the program because we\u2019re trying to pursue the appearance of perfection\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014rather than pursuing the person of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a husband who can help his wife to know that: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be perfect, Honey. I love you just the way you are. I love our kids just the way they are. We\u2019re going to pursue the purposes of God for our family, but we don\u2019t have to do it like everybody else does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe don\u2019t have to be perfect like all these other families appear to be. We are our own unique family and our own unique marriage. I love you just the way you are.\u201d Then, I think, maybe, she won\u2019t try to feel like she has to keep up with the Joneses\u2014that parade in front of our eyes, 24\/7, on the internet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, a husband can help his wife put life in context\u2014to say: \u201cYou know, we don\u2019t have to do it all. It\u2019s okay to settle for less. You don\u2019t have to be perfect.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I think\u2014you know\u2014one of the temptations in a marriage is to talk <em>at <\/em>each other. I believe that growth happens in an environment of safety and love. Anytime these things are going on\u2014perhaps, you see your wife doing something where you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhy is she striving so hard?\u201d\u2014even to ask some of those questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve lost the art of a good question\u2014a question that isn\u2019t leading \/ a question that\u2019s not trying to make a point. A man has an opportunity to ask his wife a good question: \u201cWhy are you trying so hard to keep up?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s not a rhetorical question. It\u2019s a real question: \u201cWhat is going on in your heart?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what we\u2019re missing is the opportunity to get to the <em>heart<\/em> of what we see of ourselves, as people, and what we really think of God\u2014because, if we\u2019re striving that hard, there\u2019s something driving that inside of us. There\u2019s a fuel there that says, \u201cI need to be affirmed,\u201d or \u201cThe kids are where I find approval or worth.\u201d That\u2019s the real issue. The real issue is not that you\u2019re micromanaging the birthday party. The real issue is that you find all of your worth and you\u2019ve made your kids an idol. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> It has truly become the place of worship in your heart. We miss an opportunity, as husbands and wives, if we don\u2019t ask the good questions in an environment of safety and security. It doesn\u2019t have to be in one night \/ it\u2019s not one date night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m glad you said that because I can ask Barbara a question\u2014and, early in our marriage, she would say: \u201cI don\u2019t know. I\u2019m not in touch to be able to answer that question on the spot.\u201d At that point, you may need to give your wife freedom and space to process\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and come back 24 hours later, or a couple of days later, and say: \u201cYou know that question you asked me? I think I\u2019ve got at least a pass of an answer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Well, isn\u2019t that the beauty of a marriage? That it is a lifetime to know each other. I think that, even in conflict, sort of staying in it\u2014not feeling like\u2014\u201cThis is a sitcom marriage, and we have to be resolved in the next sixty seconds. If we\u2019re not, it\u2019s not okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing for husbands\u2014and I say this to women all of the time\u2014in the issue of control: \u201cDon\u2019t try to fix it right now. Can you ask one good question that might get him thinking? Can you just let it be at that and hold your tongue for the rest? Let it be with just that one good question\u2014that you can come back.\u201d That\u2019s real growth, to me \/ there\u2019s an opportunity there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I really like that because that removes the pressure from the moment\u2014which I do think we live in such an instant, text-message culture, and finding something on Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or going to Wikipedia or whatever on the internet. We\u2019re so used to doing it\u2014we want to solve things quickly. Some of these issues have been in formation for a lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are a lot of habits and, really, a lot of things that contribute to it that we don\u2019t understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that occurs to me\u2014we\u2019ve been talking about control, but we really haven\u2019t unpacked what it really looks like. So, what I\u2019d like both of you ladies to do is unpack what it looks like, in your life, as you have had to deal with the issue of control. So, who volunteers to go first? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Radio silence! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Blackout! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> What do you mean?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If we had TV\u2014stark terror on the face. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, I think, for me\u2014I actually, in my book, I write about the different kinds of control and the different kinds of women. There might be all-out control freaks that are dominant and combative, and they are bossy. You can think of different sitcom moms, maybe, that you know who are like that\u2014that are in-your-face controlling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, we have people who are enablers. They may be more quiet and soft-spoken, but they so want to control the image that they\u2019re putting out about what their family is like that they\u2019re the one that runs up to the school every time their child forgets their lunch pail or forgets their homework because they don\u2019t want it to look like they have a child that\u2019s not with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr maybe, they have a husband who behaves badly or maybe has some sort of substance-abuse problem. They continually cover up for them\u2014trying to control it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome people control\u2014and this is the one I do\u2014through people-pleasing. I think, in the end, it comes out in a lot of different ways, according to our personality; but at the root of all control\u2014I really feel like\u2014especially, for women\u2014again, because we have so many hats we\u2019re trying to wear and things we\u2019re trying to juggle\u2014I think, at the end of the day, we control because we don\u2019t trust God. We think we can do His job better than He can. We think we know what\u2019s best for us rather than Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may come out in different ways; but I think, really, at the root of it, is we just don\u2019t <em>trust<\/em>. We think that we have to do it a certain way because we don\u2019t get to the place where we just sit back and let things lie for a little bit\u2014we don\u2019t have to fix it right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just learn, through the journey, that those faith lessons of trusting God\u2014we want to get to the end result\u2014we want to fix the outcome. We don\u2019t just sit back and let Him have the driver\u2019s seat. It\u2019s not that we\u2019re trying to be godly\u2014we\u2019re trying to be God!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, I agree with you. Nicole, what about you? If we called your husband, right now, on his cell phone\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and said, \u201cWould you bring forth the DNA, the fingerprints, the eyewitness evidence of how Nicole has dealt with issues of control?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What would he say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Well, I know I can say, for myself, that I was born bossy and always have been. If that\u2019s submerged in God\u2019s obedience, it can be a wonderful gift\u2014to have the gift of influence\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> \u2014but outside of it, it\u2019s its own thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I really have learned through this process and just being an adult\u2014and, again, having young children\u2014really getting to the root of things\u2014where you believe deeply that life should go a certain way for you. I think, over and over again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014whether it was in an argument with my husband or hiding in my walk-in closet and crying and trying to understand life\u2014it was a sense of very strong belief that I should be able to get my life to go a certain way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it is not going that way, there is anger there \/ there\u2019s resentment. The anger and the resentment are toward the Lord, at the end of the day\u2014that\u2019s what it\u2019s toward. You can either turn it in and decide that you can fully wrestle your way into what you want or, at some point, you have to really realize, \u201cWho\u2019s in control of my life here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the one thing about control is that we are made to work. I think there\u2019s a little bit in this Christianity \/ church-ianity life for women that\u2019s like: \u201cSit back and abide in the Lord. Be a Mary. Don\u2019t be a Martha.\u201d I\u2019m all into that, but I have a pretty hard-driving personality. So, it\u2019s really been pretty hard to take that in because it sounds, to me, like: \u201cStop doing anything. Don\u2019t do anything.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cMost women I know are pretty awesome at a lot of things. A lot of women have changed the world because of the beliefs that they\u2019ve had and what they\u2019ve done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019re all just sitting back.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> So, I want to say that we were made\u2014men and women, together\u2014to advance the Kingdom. We really do have work to do in this world. God has chosen us, as His church\u2014His hands and feet. It\u2019s a matter of what you do with the influence He\u2019s given you \/ it\u2019s not a matter of not having any influence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Don\u2019t you think it all comes down to motive? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> For me, it comes down to motive: \u201c<em>Why <\/em>are you doing what you\u2019re doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Right; that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u201cAre you doing it to get recognition? Are you doing it to wow the neighbors and impress all of the people down at the PTA?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing it because you\u2019ve truly been in a close-walking relationship with the Lord; and through the Holy Spirit, He has told you: \u2018These are My marching orders for you. Now go do the job with excellence.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s fine!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s how I want to kind of wrap what we\u2019re talking about here because what I hear you ladies talking about is a humility that takes a step back and considers your own heart: \u201cWhere is your heart?\u201d You know, the Proverbs warn us: \u201cGuard your heart, for from it flow the wellsprings of life.\u201d What I hear you saying is: \u201cTake a step back. Look in the mirror of the Scriptures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cEvaluate your own life and say, \u2018God, do I have an issue of control?\u2019\u201d Whether you are male or female, by the way\u2014but pull back, ask God the question\u2014and then, be quiet. Just sit on that prayer for a couple of days and ask God, \u201cWould You begin to show me if I have an issue of control?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust to kind of help you relax about it\u2014all of us bring issues into our marriage\u2014like bringing bags into the house. We\u2019ve got the issues, and we\u2019ve got to unpack them. It\u2019s the safest\u2014I think\u2014the safest relationship in life because it\u2019s a covenant relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The marriage relationship is for keeps\u2014where real transformation and life-change can occur, under the leadership and Lordship of Jesus Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m imagining a wife, who\u2019s listening, who would say: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to do what Dennis said. I\u2019m just going to ask the Lord, \u2018Do I have an issue here?\u2019 I\u2019m just going to get quiet here and spend a couple of days.\u201d Then, she decides: \u201cI\u2019m going to ask my husband. I\u2019m just going to ask him, \u2018Do you think I have a control issue?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore you ask him, just ask yourself this question: \u201cIf he says, \u2018Well, yes, Babe. You know, there are some areas\u2026,\u2019 how are you going to respond if he answers that way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you think, \u201cIf he said that, I would get so mad!\u201d then, you probably have a control issue. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was going to say, Bob, to that woman\u2014that she has that prayer, and she prays it\u2014and then, her husband, who is listening to this broadcast today, as well, comes home and says, \u201cSweetie, you\u2019ve got an issue\u2026\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s not good either. We\u2019re not going to end on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, you don\u2019t go home today and say, \u201cThey were talking about you on the radio today, Sweetheart.\u201d [Laughter] And I wouldn\u2019t go home and say, \u201cI ordered a couple of books for you from <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d In fact, let me just encourage wives: \u201cTake the pressure off your husbands. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look at the books we\u2019ve been talking about today\u2014the one by Nicole Unice called <em>She\u2019s Got Issues<\/em> and the one by Karen Ehman called <em>Let. It. Go.<\/em>\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order either or both when you go to our website. Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is the web address; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d And we\u2019ll make arrangements to get these books sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, guess who is celebrating 25 years together as a couple today. They live in Aurora, Colorado, and listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on KRKS. Their names are Sukhee and Oky Cho\u2014and 25 years \/ they were married in 1991. They are also supporters of this ministry. We just wanted to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to the Chos as they celebrate the big silver anniversary today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries are a big deal. They ought to be a big deal. I mean, it represents something significant in a marriage. It represents commitment. It represents a whole lot of forgiveness that has had to occur. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt represents an understanding that God\u2019s design for marriage means going the distance together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re all about that, here at FamilyLife. We want to provide you with practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family every day on this broadcast and in everything we do, here at FamilyLife. We are joined in that passion by folks, like you, who come alongside this broadcast and help make all that we do possible through your donations. We are a donor-supported ministry. More than 65 percent of the funds that we need to operate this ministry come from donations. Without you, literally, much of what we do here would not happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, can we ask you to be a part of this ministry today? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Make an online donation to support the work we\u2019re doing here, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make your donation over the phone. Or if you\u2019d prefer, you can mail your donation to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I think there is a question about \u201cWhen does the desire to make sure things are being done right turn into being controlling?\u201d We\u2019re going to explore that tomorrow with our guests, Karen Ehman and Nicole Unice. Hope you can be back with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304082","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304082"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304082"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304082"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304082"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304082"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304082"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304082"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}