{"id":304066,"date":"2016-07-01T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-07-01T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/keep-it-shut\/"},"modified":"2016-07-01T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-07-01T15:00:00","slug":"keep-it-shut","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keep-it-shut\/","title":{"rendered":"Keep It Shut"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Karen Ehman | Scripture says there is life and death in the power of the tongue. How do you cultivate life with your words? Karen Ehman offers some coaching and suggestions for taming your tongue.Show Notes &#038; ResourcesRead &#8220;Ten Verses to Help You Watch Your Words&#8221; by Karen Ehman<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Scripture says there is life and death in the power of the tongue. Karen Ehman offers some coaching and suggestions for taming your tongue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-01.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.98M","filesize_raw":"25145976","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[6028,5340,6029],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3311],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304066","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-power-of-the-tongue","tag-taming-the-tongue","tag-watch-your-words","cwp_profile-karen-ehman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304066\/keep-it-shut","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304066\/keep-it-shut","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"C21Qt1VASe\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keep-it-shut\/\">Keep It Shut<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keep-it-shut\/embed\/#?secret=C21Qt1VASe\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Keep It Shut&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"C21Qt1VASe\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-01.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-01.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Laughing] You\u2019ve got to be accountable for what you wrote in here, now, too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Barbara and I wrote a book about raising teenagers before we were done raising teenagers. It\u2019s like that book kind of cried out to us as we finished the process. I\u2019ve got a feeling this book is preaching to you regularly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And not only preaches to me as I re-read parts of it\u2014but sometimes, when my husband and I are having a healthy, domestic discussion\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014let\u2019s just put it that way\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014one of my children will walk through the room with that book and just hold it up right in front of their face, like: \u201cMom, keep it shut! Keep it shut!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, you know, the reason I wrote the book is mainly because I looked back over my life\u2014I\u2019m in my middle-aged years now\u2014and I looked back over my life. I could trace every fractured friendship \/ every broken relationship back to something that I said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy words, over the years, have gotten me into a lot of trouble. In the early years, it was like in middle school\u2014gossiping \/ repeating things I shouldn\u2019t have. When I was newly married, I had a lot of anger. I\u2019m married to a very quiet man, who just sits there and takes it. I would, you know, just give enough words for both of us because I would talk, talk, talk. Sometimes, my words were angry\u2014losing my patience with my kids when they were smaller. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could just see the ways that my mouth had gotten me into trouble. I knew that the answers to all of life\u2019s dilemmas are found within the Bible; so I just started digging in to find out what the Bible said about what we are to say, how we are to say it, and when we are just to keep it shut.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And is this disease that we suffer from here only for those of us who are extroverts?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think so. No, especially with\u2014like we were just mentioning\u2014social media. Some very introverted people use their words in a <em>very<\/em> bad way sometimes on the internet. Those are still our words, whether we\u2019re speaking them with our mouths or we\u2019re typing them with our fingers, or we\u2019re texting them to a family member.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you went to look at what the Bible has to say--and, by the way, we\u2019re talking to Karen Ehman, who has written a book called <em>Keep It Shut<\/em>. When you looked at what the Bible has to say about this, one of the things you found is that the lips are connected to the heart. That\u2019s really where the problem is; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely. You know, Luke 6:45 says that the mouth speaks what the heart already has stored. Sometimes, we use our mouths in a wrong way \/ we use our words badly. Maybe we can trace some fractured friendships back to that or some heap of trouble we got ourselves into; but it\u2019s not just really that, \u201cOh, I opened my mouth and out came these words!\u201d First, they start in our heart. We dwell on them in our mind; and then, once they\u2019ve been ruminating in there a little bit, it comes out of our mouth\u2014and now, it\u2019s too late \/ we regret what we\u2019ve said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know for me, I have to tell myself, often, to make sure my heart is pure before I speak\u2014to pause before I pounce rather than just letting it all fly\u2014and not to say something permanently painful just because I\u2019m temporarily ticked off. There are a lot of times that I might be temporarily upset at something one of my children did; but I can say something that\u2019s permanently damaging to them rather than just keeping it shut, talking about it a little bit after tempers have cooled and we\u2019ve simmered down a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, the verse that keeps coming back to me\u2014and I should just mention here that, on page 75 of your book, you\u2019ve got ten verses that you\u2019ve pulled out that are kind of your top ten on what the Bible has to say about our speech. We\u2019ve gotten the \u201cokay\u201d to list those on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. So, if our listeners are interested, they can go and just print this off and keep it posted so you can keep reviewing what the Bible has to say about this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the verse that I keep coming back to\u2014that I have to remind myself of regularly\u2014is from James, Chapter 1, which says, \u201cLet everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.\u201d We really ought to make listening a higher priority than speaking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. And for most of us, being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry doesn\u2019t come naturally. I mean, for me\u2014honestly, it\u2019s easier for me to be slow to listen, very quick to speak, and faster than you saying, \u201cBolt,\u201d to become angry. You know? I do the opposite of that! So I believe that the Lord put that verse there for us because He knew we were going to struggle with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s talk about for a moment\u2014I want to talk about gossip, here in a second\u2014but I want to talk about when you\u2019ve said too much to your husband or to your child, what should a person do? I want you to illustrate this, either positively or negatively, based upon something you\u2019ve said to your husband and how you handled it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> For me, the thing that I\u2019ve learned the most\u2014that I didn\u2019t see so much, maybe, in my parents\u2019 generation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I\u2019m not trying to be stereotypical of their generation\u2014but I don\u2019t recall my parents apologizing much to me if things got out of hand, or they said something that they shouldn\u2019t have, or they yelled at me. But I have made it a regular habit\u2014both with my husband and with my kids\u2014because just because I wrote a book on this doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m perfect at it at all. I\u2019ve made progress but have not obtained perfection and never will. The tongue can\u2019t ever be tamed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t ever want to be too proud to go back and say: \u201cYou know what? I was out of line when I said that. I\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me? I should have just kept my mouth shut, and thought about it, and prayed about it, and we could have discussed it later on when I wasn\u2019t so upset. I\u2019m sorry for my words. Will you forgive me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, often, I say to my kids too, \u201cYou know, this is the first time I\u2019ve ever been a mom.\u201d And they\u2019ll say, \u201cWell, it\u2019s the first time I\u2019ve ever been a kid too,\u201d\u2014you know. [Laughter] We just have a lot of forgiveness flowing both ways at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And so, what would you say to the person who doesn\u2019t recognize when their words are hurting? Maybe they\u2019re attaching an attitude to the words that they\u2019re unaware of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t understand that they\u2019re really hurting another person with words, and they\u2019re clueless!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, let me give you an illustration of what Dennis is talking about. Early in our marriage\u2014I grew up in a home where one of the ways we showed affection to one another is by teasing each other. Well, that wasn\u2019t the home Mary Ann grew up in. [Laughter] So I would tease her about things\u2014only to find that, instead of laughing and feeling loved, she was hurt by what I had said. It was a part of this learning how to understand how we communicate with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSarcasm in your home has been a cause for woundedness; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely! And I\u2019m the queen of sarcasm\u2014I can come up with things pretty quickly. [Laughter] But I think we need to be very open to feedback from our loved ones and to say, \u201cDid that hurt you when I said that?\u201d or \u201cDid it hurt you <em>how<\/em> I said it?\u201d or to tell them: \u201cFor me, when I tease somebody, that means that I like them! I\u2019m sorry that didn\u2019t come across that way to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think that you are right\u2014there are some families, where that\u2019s just kind of how they roll. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> They just kind of banter, back and forth, and they\u2019re sarcastic; then they all laugh and split a pizza. For others\u2014you know, it really wounds their heart because they think that you\u2019re telling the truth\u2014that you really mean what you\u2019re saying\u2014you\u2019re not just teasing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what would you say to the spouse, who\u2019s being hurt by his or her spouse, and they don\u2019t know their words are hurting the other person? They don\u2019t understand how their attitude is wounding the other person. What would you say to the one who\u2019s being wounded? How should they\u2014I hate to use the word, \u201cconfront,\u201d but it is a form of confrontation\u2014saying: \u201cHey, I just want you to know that what you just said came across as something that really stung. It really did hurt me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, I would say the best piece of advice I\u2019ve ever been given was by my friend, Lisa. She said to \u201cBelieve the best before you assume the worst.\u201d So I would approach that person with that in mind: \u201cI\u2019m going to believe the best about you. I\u2019m not going to assume the worst. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m not going to assume that you meant to hurt me. I\u2019m not going to assume that you like teasing me and you think it\u2019s, you know, your pastime or your hobby. I\u2019m going to believe the best about you. I know you didn\u2019t <em>mean<\/em> to hurt me; but when you said this, I felt that way,\u201d or \u201c\u2026when you said that, I felt this way,\u201d\u2014to really put the emotions back into you and how you\u2019re feeling\u2014and not being accusatory. Believe the best about them\u2014they probably don\u2019t even know that they\u2019re doing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, if I could add, maybe pick a time that is more suitable for your words being <em>heard<\/em> by the spouse that you\u2019re sharing how their words are hurting you. So pick your time\u2014maybe when you\u2019re rested\u2014instead of the end of the day, right before you\u2019re about to turn out the lights in your bedroom. That\u2019s generally not a good time to have a tough conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, and not during the fourth quarter of a football game either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No. [Laughter] Or right before he has dinner. If he\u2019s hungry, he may by a bit on-edge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, let\u2019s talk about gossip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gossip\u2014first of all, what is gossip? I think those of us who are within the Christian community can go, \u201cHey, can I share a prayer request with you?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Oh, yes! Oh, yes; we cloak it with a thin glaze of Jesus so it\u2019s all spiritual now. We can share the juicy bit of information we want to share because we\u2019re kind of cloaking it as a prayer request. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you know, gossip is definitely repeating something you were told not to repeat; absolutely. Gossip is repeating something you\u2019re pretty sure you weren\u2019t supposed to repeat, but you were never explicitly told not to\u2014you know, kind of in your heart, \u201cOh, I\u2019m saying things that I shouldn\u2019t.\u201d Gossip is painting others in a negative light\u2014it\u2019s saying something behind their back you probably never would say to their face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> But gossip isn\u2019t, honestly, processing a difficult situation with a trusted friend\u2014not everyone in your calling circle, you know \/ everyone in your contact list of your phone\u2014but with one trusted friend, who will help you to work through the difficultly, who will believe the best about the other person and not assume the worst, and who will help you to really pray about the situation and tackle it in a manner that honors God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s okay! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, I think we get this notion in our brains that we can\u2019t ever say anything about somebody if they\u2019re not in the room\u2014that\u2019s talking behind their back. But if we\u2019re just honestly trying to process, with a trusted friend, how to bring about a godly resolution to a problem, I think that\u2019s okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, obviously, if you\u2019re asked your honest opinion about someone\u2014if they\u2019re applying for a job or whatever\u2014speaking the truth, when they\u2019re not in the room, on that application, or that phone call, or whatever\u2014that\u2019s not gossip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> At some level, it\u2019s really about: \u201cWhat\u2019s the heart intent in terms of what you\u2019re sharing\u2014more than the words you\u2019re sharing\u2014because you might share one thing with a right motive \/ share the same information with a wrong motive. That differentiates it between gossip and trying to process something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely. I can tell something to a friend of mine who I know is just very much a committed person to prayer. I know that, if I share that information with them, they are going to tell <em>no one<\/em> and they are going to pray for that person. I can take that <em>same<\/em> bit of information and tell it to the town gossip and know it\u2019s going to get <em>all<\/em> over town.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> It\u2019s really, a lot, your motive: \u201c<em>Why<\/em> are you saying what you\u2019re saying?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And one thing I\u2019ve been learning recently is not everything I know needs to be passed on. Sometimes, I may be sharing with a friend because knowledge can be powerful; and you know something someone else <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> know. But in the process, you just impacted how another person is viewing, perhaps, a mutual friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I\u2019ve kind of pulled back with my own wife, Barbara; and I\u2019ve thought, \u201cDoes she need to know what I just found out?\u201d Now, I need to decompress about my day with her\u2014she needs to know what happened during my day. I need to let her in to the interior of my life\u2014but if it\u2019s going to cause her angst \/ if it\u2019s going to cause her grief, I\u2019ve learned to measure my words so that I don\u2019t play to a weak spot in Barbara or <em>create<\/em> one\u2014more importantly\u2014with my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> And that\u2019s where it\u2019s really important that we talk to God before we talk to other people and be having an ongoing prayer conversation with Him\u2014like: \u201cShould I say this, or should I not?\u201d And, often, just that simple shooting up that simple little arrow prayer, and saying, \u201cShould I or shouldn\u2019t I?\u201d will stop us in our tracks rather than just leaving it up to our own discretion, what we think we should and shouldn\u2019t say, because we don\u2019t always have the best judgment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is an area\u2014this whole area of how we exercise wisdom over our tongue\u2014is something that we need to be growing in, as grown-ups; but we also have to be teaching our kids how to tame their tongue. This is an aspect of wisdom that every child\u2019s going to have to learn at some point. They need to see it modeled well by mom and dad, but they need to be instructed as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you were to ask our kids\u2014if you got them around the table today, and you were to ask them, \u201cWhat does Proverbs 26:18-19 say?\u201d\u2014I think every one of them could repeat what they heard over and over again\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014which was the phrase that says, \u201cLike a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who wounds his neighbor and says, \u2018I was only kidding. I was only joking.\u2019\u201d They learned that verse because we had that rampant in our house, as our kids were growing up: \u201cYou hurt your sister!\u201d \u201cI was only joking! I was only kidding!\u201d So they had to memorize that verse. We would recite it together around the dinner table, just to recognize that: \u201cYou may have been joking, but you were hurting. When your joking is hurting, you\u2019re not doing well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to train our kids in wisdom with how they use their tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I\u2019ve got a great illustration of that that I want to close our broadcast with\u2014and a passage of Scripture that you can teach your kids or you can talk about, as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the first thing you need to do, Bob, is help some people keep it shut [Laughter] by getting a copy of <em>Keep It Shut<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The book is called <em>Keep It Shut, <\/em>and we\u2019ve got copies in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been talking to Karen Ehman about controlling the tongue. I\u2019ve got a great illustration of this, but I want to read the passage first. James 1:26: \u201cIf anyone thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his heart\u201d\u2014okay; are you ready for this?\u2014are you ready for the conclusion?\u2014\u201cthis person\u2019s religion is worthless.\u201d Worthless\u2014that\u2019s a pretty dramatic word, speaking of words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I remember, with our kids, just showing them how difficult it is to bridle the tongue by saying, \u201cOkay; I want everybody to do what I\u2019m about to do around the dinner table.\u201d I say, \u201cNow, grab your tongue; and see if you can maintain control of your tongue with your fingertips\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue] Haald on tuh da tung\u2014like dat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue]\u2014\u201can haald it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue] Yeth. Haaald da tung.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I[Holding his tongue] It dudn\u2019t work! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue] Ith a slippery\u2014slippery little ting! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We had a lot of fun with that; but it\u2019s the idea of saying here and applying this passage: \u201cIf anyone thinks he is religious and does <em>not <\/em>bridle his tongue\u201d\u2014does not control what he says and think about the words he uses\u2014\u201chis religion is absolutely worth <em>nothing<\/em> [emphasis added].\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of the ten verses that is on your ten-verse list that we\u2019ve got posted at FamilyLifeToday.com if our listeners want to go download it. You think that that\u2019s a pretty powerful admonition; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely; absolutely. So <em>much<\/em> of our life comes through our mouth in our interactions with other people. We need to be mindful of what we say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Have a conversation, as a couple, around how your tongue is impacting your marriage, your family, your extended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd maybe have a conversation with your kids about the power of the tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Karen\u2014thanks for joining us today. Again, the ten-verse list is available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to download that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have time to wish \u201cHappy anniversary,\u201d to Kyle and Michelle Kostreva from Clifton, Colorado. They\u2019re celebrating 27 years together today. They\u2019ve attended two <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways, they\u2019ve used <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014they\u2019ve been connected to us in a number of ways. We just want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d on your 27<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re all about anniversaries, here at FamilyLife. We appreciate those of you who have helped us help couples celebrate more anniversaries for the last 40 years. Thanks for your support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can always make a donation by going, online, to FamilyLifeToday.com or calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in church this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday as we celebrate our freedom, here in the United States, on Independence Day. We\u2019re going to hear from a former serviceman, Donovan Campbell, who has some thoughts about leadership. I hope you can tune in to listen to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.98M"],"filesize_raw":["25145976"],"_edit_lock":["1736447383:47000"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304066.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304066.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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says there is life and death in the power of the tongue. Karen Ehman offers some coaching and suggestions for taming your tongue.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-07-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Laughing] You\u2019ve got to be accountable for what you wrote in here, now, too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Barbara and I wrote a book about raising teenagers before we were done raising teenagers. It\u2019s like that book kind of cried out to us as we finished the process. I\u2019ve got a feeling this book is preaching to you regularly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And not only preaches to me as I re-read parts of it\u2014but sometimes, when my husband and I are having a healthy, domestic discussion\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014let\u2019s just put it that way\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> \u2014one of my children will walk through the room with that book and just hold it up right in front of their face, like: \u201cMom, keep it shut! Keep it shut!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, you know, the reason I wrote the book is mainly because I looked back over my life\u2014I\u2019m in my middle-aged years now\u2014and I looked back over my life. I could trace every fractured friendship \/ every broken relationship back to something that I said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy words, over the years, have gotten me into a lot of trouble. In the early years, it was like in middle school\u2014gossiping \/ repeating things I shouldn\u2019t have. When I was newly married, I had a lot of anger. I\u2019m married to a very quiet man, who just sits there and takes it. I would, you know, just give enough words for both of us because I would talk, talk, talk. Sometimes, my words were angry\u2014losing my patience with my kids when they were smaller. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could just see the ways that my mouth had gotten me into trouble. I knew that the answers to all of life\u2019s dilemmas are found within the Bible; so I just started digging in to find out what the Bible said about what we are to say, how we are to say it, and when we are just to keep it shut.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And is this disease that we suffer from here only for those of us who are extroverts?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think so. No, especially with\u2014like we were just mentioning\u2014social media. Some very introverted people use their words in a <em>very<\/em> bad way sometimes on the internet. Those are still our words, whether we\u2019re speaking them with our mouths or we\u2019re typing them with our fingers, or we\u2019re texting them to a family member.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you went to look at what the Bible has to say--and, by the way, we\u2019re talking to Karen Ehman, who has written a book called <em>Keep It Shut<\/em>. When you looked at what the Bible has to say about this, one of the things you found is that the lips are connected to the heart. That\u2019s really where the problem is; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely. You know, Luke 6:45 says that the mouth speaks what the heart already has stored. Sometimes, we use our mouths in a wrong way \/ we use our words badly. Maybe we can trace some fractured friendships back to that or some heap of trouble we got ourselves into; but it\u2019s not just really that, \u201cOh, I opened my mouth and out came these words!\u201d First, they start in our heart. We dwell on them in our mind; and then, once they\u2019ve been ruminating in there a little bit, it comes out of our mouth\u2014and now, it\u2019s too late \/ we regret what we\u2019ve said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know for me, I have to tell myself, often, to make sure my heart is pure before I speak\u2014to pause before I pounce rather than just letting it all fly\u2014and not to say something permanently painful just because I\u2019m temporarily ticked off. There are a lot of times that I might be temporarily upset at something one of my children did; but I can say something that\u2019s permanently damaging to them rather than just keeping it shut, talking about it a little bit after tempers have cooled and we\u2019ve simmered down a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, the verse that keeps coming back to me\u2014and I should just mention here that, on page 75 of your book, you\u2019ve got ten verses that you\u2019ve pulled out that are kind of your top ten on what the Bible has to say about our speech. We\u2019ve gotten the \u201cokay\u201d to list those on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. So, if our listeners are interested, they can go and just print this off and keep it posted so you can keep reviewing what the Bible has to say about this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the verse that I keep coming back to\u2014that I have to remind myself of regularly\u2014is from James, Chapter 1, which says, \u201cLet everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.\u201d We really ought to make listening a higher priority than speaking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. And for most of us, being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry doesn\u2019t come naturally. I mean, for me\u2014honestly, it\u2019s easier for me to be slow to listen, very quick to speak, and faster than you saying, \u201cBolt,\u201d to become angry. You know? I do the opposite of that! So I believe that the Lord put that verse there for us because He knew we were going to struggle with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s talk about for a moment\u2014I want to talk about gossip, here in a second\u2014but I want to talk about when you\u2019ve said too much to your husband or to your child, what should a person do? I want you to illustrate this, either positively or negatively, based upon something you\u2019ve said to your husband and how you handled it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> For me, the thing that I\u2019ve learned the most\u2014that I didn\u2019t see so much, maybe, in my parents\u2019 generation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I\u2019m not trying to be stereotypical of their generation\u2014but I don\u2019t recall my parents apologizing much to me if things got out of hand, or they said something that they shouldn\u2019t have, or they yelled at me. But I have made it a regular habit\u2014both with my husband and with my kids\u2014because just because I wrote a book on this doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m perfect at it at all. I\u2019ve made progress but have not obtained perfection and never will. The tongue can\u2019t ever be tamed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t ever want to be too proud to go back and say: \u201cYou know what? I was out of line when I said that. I\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me? I should have just kept my mouth shut, and thought about it, and prayed about it, and we could have discussed it later on when I wasn\u2019t so upset. I\u2019m sorry for my words. Will you forgive me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, often, I say to my kids too, \u201cYou know, this is the first time I\u2019ve ever been a mom.\u201d And they\u2019ll say, \u201cWell, it\u2019s the first time I\u2019ve ever been a kid too,\u201d\u2014you know. [Laughter] We just have a lot of forgiveness flowing both ways at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And so, what would you say to the person who doesn\u2019t recognize when their words are hurting? Maybe they\u2019re attaching an attitude to the words that they\u2019re unaware of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t understand that they\u2019re really hurting another person with words, and they\u2019re clueless!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, let me give you an illustration of what Dennis is talking about. Early in our marriage\u2014I grew up in a home where one of the ways we showed affection to one another is by teasing each other. Well, that wasn\u2019t the home Mary Ann grew up in. [Laughter] So I would tease her about things\u2014only to find that, instead of laughing and feeling loved, she was hurt by what I had said. It was a part of this learning how to understand how we communicate with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSarcasm in your home has been a cause for woundedness; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely! And I\u2019m the queen of sarcasm\u2014I can come up with things pretty quickly. [Laughter] But I think we need to be very open to feedback from our loved ones and to say, \u201cDid that hurt you when I said that?\u201d or \u201cDid it hurt you <em>how<\/em> I said it?\u201d or to tell them: \u201cFor me, when I tease somebody, that means that I like them! I\u2019m sorry that didn\u2019t come across that way to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think that you are right\u2014there are some families, where that\u2019s just kind of how they roll. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> They just kind of banter, back and forth, and they\u2019re sarcastic; then they all laugh and split a pizza. For others\u2014you know, it really wounds their heart because they think that you\u2019re telling the truth\u2014that you really mean what you\u2019re saying\u2014you\u2019re not just teasing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what would you say to the spouse, who\u2019s being hurt by his or her spouse, and they don\u2019t know their words are hurting the other person? They don\u2019t understand how their attitude is wounding the other person. What would you say to the one who\u2019s being wounded? How should they\u2014I hate to use the word, \u201cconfront,\u201d but it is a form of confrontation\u2014saying: \u201cHey, I just want you to know that what you just said came across as something that really stung. It really did hurt me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, I would say the best piece of advice I\u2019ve ever been given was by my friend, Lisa. She said to \u201cBelieve the best before you assume the worst.\u201d So I would approach that person with that in mind: \u201cI\u2019m going to believe the best about you. I\u2019m not going to assume the worst. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m not going to assume that you meant to hurt me. I\u2019m not going to assume that you like teasing me and you think it\u2019s, you know, your pastime or your hobby. I\u2019m going to believe the best about you. I know you didn\u2019t <em>mean<\/em> to hurt me; but when you said this, I felt that way,\u201d or \u201c\u2026when you said that, I felt this way,\u201d\u2014to really put the emotions back into you and how you\u2019re feeling\u2014and not being accusatory. Believe the best about them\u2014they probably don\u2019t even know that they\u2019re doing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, if I could add, maybe pick a time that is more suitable for your words being <em>heard<\/em> by the spouse that you\u2019re sharing how their words are hurting you. So pick your time\u2014maybe when you\u2019re rested\u2014instead of the end of the day, right before you\u2019re about to turn out the lights in your bedroom. That\u2019s generally not a good time to have a tough conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, and not during the fourth quarter of a football game either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No. [Laughter] Or right before he has dinner. If he\u2019s hungry, he may by a bit on-edge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, let\u2019s talk about gossip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gossip\u2014first of all, what is gossip? I think those of us who are within the Christian community can go, \u201cHey, can I share a prayer request with you?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Oh, yes! Oh, yes; we cloak it with a thin glaze of Jesus so it\u2019s all spiritual now. We can share the juicy bit of information we want to share because we\u2019re kind of cloaking it as a prayer request. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you know, gossip is definitely repeating something you were told not to repeat; absolutely. Gossip is repeating something you\u2019re pretty sure you weren\u2019t supposed to repeat, but you were never explicitly told not to\u2014you know, kind of in your heart, \u201cOh, I\u2019m saying things that I shouldn\u2019t.\u201d Gossip is painting others in a negative light\u2014it\u2019s saying something behind their back you probably never would say to their face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> But gossip isn\u2019t, honestly, processing a difficult situation with a trusted friend\u2014not everyone in your calling circle, you know \/ everyone in your contact list of your phone\u2014but with one trusted friend, who will help you to work through the difficultly, who will believe the best about the other person and not assume the worst, and who will help you to really pray about the situation and tackle it in a manner that honors God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s okay! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, I think we get this notion in our brains that we can\u2019t ever say anything about somebody if they\u2019re not in the room\u2014that\u2019s talking behind their back. But if we\u2019re just honestly trying to process, with a trusted friend, how to bring about a godly resolution to a problem, I think that\u2019s okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, obviously, if you\u2019re asked your honest opinion about someone\u2014if they\u2019re applying for a job or whatever\u2014speaking the truth, when they\u2019re not in the room, on that application, or that phone call, or whatever\u2014that\u2019s not gossip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> At some level, it\u2019s really about: \u201cWhat\u2019s the heart intent in terms of what you\u2019re sharing\u2014more than the words you\u2019re sharing\u2014because you might share one thing with a right motive \/ share the same information with a wrong motive. That differentiates it between gossip and trying to process something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely. I can tell something to a friend of mine who I know is just very much a committed person to prayer. I know that, if I share that information with them, they are going to tell <em>no one<\/em> and they are going to pray for that person. I can take that <em>same<\/em> bit of information and tell it to the town gossip and know it\u2019s going to get <em>all<\/em> over town.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> It\u2019s really, a lot, your motive: \u201c<em>Why<\/em> are you saying what you\u2019re saying?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And one thing I\u2019ve been learning recently is not everything I know needs to be passed on. Sometimes, I may be sharing with a friend because knowledge can be powerful; and you know something someone else <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> know. But in the process, you just impacted how another person is viewing, perhaps, a mutual friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I\u2019ve kind of pulled back with my own wife, Barbara; and I\u2019ve thought, \u201cDoes she need to know what I just found out?\u201d Now, I need to decompress about my day with her\u2014she needs to know what happened during my day. I need to let her in to the interior of my life\u2014but if it\u2019s going to cause her angst \/ if it\u2019s going to cause her grief, I\u2019ve learned to measure my words so that I don\u2019t play to a weak spot in Barbara or <em>create<\/em> one\u2014more importantly\u2014with my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> And that\u2019s where it\u2019s really important that we talk to God before we talk to other people and be having an ongoing prayer conversation with Him\u2014like: \u201cShould I say this, or should I not?\u201d And, often, just that simple shooting up that simple little arrow prayer, and saying, \u201cShould I or shouldn\u2019t I?\u201d will stop us in our tracks rather than just leaving it up to our own discretion, what we think we should and shouldn\u2019t say, because we don\u2019t always have the best judgment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is an area\u2014this whole area of how we exercise wisdom over our tongue\u2014is something that we need to be growing in, as grown-ups; but we also have to be teaching our kids how to tame their tongue. This is an aspect of wisdom that every child\u2019s going to have to learn at some point. They need to see it modeled well by mom and dad, but they need to be instructed as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you were to ask our kids\u2014if you got them around the table today, and you were to ask them, \u201cWhat does Proverbs 26:18-19 say?\u201d\u2014I think every one of them could repeat what they heard over and over again\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014which was the phrase that says, \u201cLike a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who wounds his neighbor and says, \u2018I was only kidding. I was only joking.\u2019\u201d They learned that verse because we had that rampant in our house, as our kids were growing up: \u201cYou hurt your sister!\u201d \u201cI was only joking! I was only kidding!\u201d So they had to memorize that verse. We would recite it together around the dinner table, just to recognize that: \u201cYou may have been joking, but you were hurting. When your joking is hurting, you\u2019re not doing well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to train our kids in wisdom with how they use their tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I\u2019ve got a great illustration of that that I want to close our broadcast with\u2014and a passage of Scripture that you can teach your kids or you can talk about, as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the first thing you need to do, Bob, is help some people keep it shut [Laughter] by getting a copy of <em>Keep It Shut<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The book is called <em>Keep It Shut, <\/em>and we\u2019ve got copies in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been talking to Karen Ehman about controlling the tongue. I\u2019ve got a great illustration of this, but I want to read the passage first. James 1:26: \u201cIf anyone thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his heart\u201d\u2014okay; are you ready for this?\u2014are you ready for the conclusion?\u2014\u201cthis person\u2019s religion is worthless.\u201d Worthless\u2014that\u2019s a pretty dramatic word, speaking of words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I remember, with our kids, just showing them how difficult it is to bridle the tongue by saying, \u201cOkay; I want everybody to do what I\u2019m about to do around the dinner table.\u201d I say, \u201cNow, grab your tongue; and see if you can maintain control of your tongue with your fingertips\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue] Haald on tuh da tung\u2014like dat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue]\u2014\u201can haald it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue] Yeth. Haaald da tung.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I[Holding his tongue] It dudn\u2019t work! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Holding his tongue] Ith a slippery\u2014slippery little ting! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We had a lot of fun with that; but it\u2019s the idea of saying here and applying this passage: \u201cIf anyone thinks he is religious and does <em>not <\/em>bridle his tongue\u201d\u2014does not control what he says and think about the words he uses\u2014\u201chis religion is absolutely worth <em>nothing<\/em> [emphasis added].\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of the ten verses that is on your ten-verse list that we\u2019ve got posted at FamilyLifeToday.com if our listeners want to go download it. You think that that\u2019s a pretty powerful admonition; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Absolutely; absolutely. So <em>much<\/em> of our life comes through our mouth in our interactions with other people. We need to be mindful of what we say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Have a conversation, as a couple, around how your tongue is impacting your marriage, your family, your extended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd maybe have a conversation with your kids about the power of the tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Karen\u2014thanks for joining us today. Again, the ten-verse list is available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to download that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have time to wish \u201cHappy anniversary,\u201d to Kyle and Michelle Kostreva from Clifton, Colorado. They\u2019re celebrating 27 years together today. They\u2019ve attended two <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways, they\u2019ve used <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014they\u2019ve been connected to us in a number of ways. We just want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d on your 27<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re all about anniversaries, here at FamilyLife. We appreciate those of you who have helped us help couples celebrate more anniversaries for the last 40 years. Thanks for your support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can always make a donation by going, online, to FamilyLifeToday.com or calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in church this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday as we celebrate our freedom, here in the United States, on Independence Day. We\u2019re going to hear from a former serviceman, Donovan Campbell, who has some thoughts about leadership. I hope you can tune in to listen to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304066","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304066"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304066"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304066"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304066"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304066"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304066"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304066"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}