{"id":304044,"date":"2016-06-16T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-06-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/getting-to-the-heart-of-discipline\/"},"modified":"2016-06-16T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-06-16T15:00:00","slug":"getting-to-the-heart-of-discipline","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-to-the-heart-of-discipline\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting to the Heart of Discipline"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Brian Housman explains that parents need to look past their child&#8217;s behavior and into their child&#8217;s heart. Housman shares what he&#8217;s done in their home to address such issues as lying and media usage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.81M","filesize_raw":"26017503","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[4611,2209,6021,4353],"podcast_series":[8147],"cwp_profile":[3100],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304044","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-intentional-parenting","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-with-vision","tag-raising-children","podcast_series-how-you-always-meant-to-parent","cwp_profile-brian-housman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304044\/getting-to-the-heart-of-discipline","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304044\/getting-to-the-heart-of-discipline","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WfjOBWQbmR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-to-the-heart-of-discipline\/\">Getting to the Heart of Discipline<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-to-the-heart-of-discipline\/embed\/#?secret=WfjOBWQbmR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Getting to the Heart of Discipline&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WfjOBWQbmR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Brian Housman explains that parents need to look past their child's behavior and into their child's heart. Housman shares what he's done in their home to address such issues as lying and media usage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What does grace look like in a relationship between parents and children?\u00a0 Well, here is how Brian Housman understands it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t want my children to see that our relationship is about\u2014\u201cIf you do this, then, I\u2019m happy with you; and if you don\u2019t, then, I\u2019m not happy with you\u201d\u2014because the Lord doesn\u2019t deal with us that way either.\u00a0 I mean Romans 8:1\u2014\u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d\u00a0 So, the Lord doesn\u2019t condemn me.\u00a0 Then, I do not bring shame into that relationship with my child\u2014even in their sin\u2014because the Lord doesn\u2019t shame us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 16<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Like most parents, you\u2019re probably thinking, \u201cWhat does punishment look like in an environment that is supposed to be grace-based?\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll explore that today.\u00a0 Stay with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 We have a colleague who we work with here at FamilyLife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014her name is Tonda.\u00a0 Tonda has been here for more than two decades serving us by reading every marriage and parenting book that we\u2019ve ever done an interview on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tonda, do you have any idea how many books you have read over the past two decades\u2014just an estimate?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 About 52 a year.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, she\u2019s reading 50-plus books a year for 20 years.\u00a0 That\u2019s a thousand book right there; okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Easy\u2014easy.\u00a0 I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Easy, that it\u2019s a thousand books.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014she\u2019s estimating low.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I said to her\u2014\u201cYou just read this new book on parenting from Brian Housman.\u00a0 What did you think?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cIt\u2019s good.\u00a0 It\u2019s good.\u00a0 It\u2019s the same stuff\u2014\u2018Get to the heart.\u00a0 Get to the heart.\u00a0 Get to the heart.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 I mean after reading as much as she\u2019s read on parenting, she\u2019s got the big idea.\u00a0 That is, you don\u2019t want to just change a child\u2019s behavior; you want to get to the child\u2019s heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Brian Housman knows a little bit about dealing with children and with youth.\u00a0 He has two teenagers.\u00a0 He and his wife, Mona,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014have been married since 1993; but you have worked with youth now for 20 years\u2014isn\u2019t that right?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014speaking all over the country.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, 22 years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve been a student of what\u2019s taking place with today\u2019s teenagers.\u00a0 Give us a description of where they are today.\u00a0 I know that\u2019s really a tough question, but give us an idea.\u00a0 What should a parent understand about a teenager today?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow!\u00a0 Actually, I just had a mother, yesterday, ask me\u2014\u201cSo, what do you feel like kids or teenagers are\u2014like, what are they doing now?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWell, they are partly doing the same thing we did when we were teenagers\u2014is they are looking for hope, they are looking for purpose, they\u2019re looking for direction.\u00a0 And I said, \u201cWhich is why they end up falling into all of the traps that the enemy throws out there in front of us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s why they need parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014invading\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014constantly invading their lives to help them avoid those traps.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 So, we\u2019ve already talked about the whole idea of an end game and what\u2019s the end game for us, as a parent, in being our\u2014having our kids transformed into Christ\u2019s likeness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the same way, our spiritual enemy has an end game.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd our enemy is not culture, our enemy is not politics, but our enemy is Satan, himself, who Jesus tells us in John 10:10\u2014\u201chas come to steal kill and destroy.\u201d\u00a0 So, his objective isn\u2019t to get my son to look at porn or to get my daughter to do something sexually inappropriate with some boy.\u00a0 Those are just part of the tools that he uses to accomplish his end game which is destruction of their lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as a parent, I\u2019ve got to always have that in mind of really what\u2019s at stake here with my kids when\u2014you know why is that they want to be a part of social media?\u00a0 Why is it that my daughter wants to date?\u00a0 Why is it that my son wants to hang outside of the home for hours on end with his buddies?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s because they are looking for purpose, they\u2019re looking for community, they\u2019re looking for identity; but they, many times, end up trying to accomplish those God-given values in unhealthy ways.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s ultimately a reflection of what Tonda was talking about as she read your book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s an issue of the heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Get to the heart.\u00a0 Get to the heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s what you\u2019re addressing in your book.\u00a0 You\u2019re talking about how we, as parents, really have to be expert heart surgeons over and over and over again as we train our children to know how to grow up to become a true follower of Christ and assume adult responsibilities.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalk to a parent about where he or she needs to start as she or he performs this heart surgery.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think some of the things that are intimidating for parents when it comes to having a teenager is they think, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know anything about teenagers.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m sure this has happened to all of us.\u00a0 When our kids were little, other people\u2014and we had a great relationship with them when they were little; and other people would say, \u201cWell, oh, you just wait until they get to middle school.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, then, our kids get to middle school, and we were like\u2014\u201cOh my gosh!\u00a0 We love middle schoolers.\u00a0 This is so much fun!\u201d\u00a0 They are bouncing off the walls.\u00a0 They\u2019re highly emotional.\u00a0 They\u2019re always changing their minds.\u00a0 They change their attitudes every other day.\u00a0 \u201cThis is so fun trying to\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201ckeep up with these people\u2014like rabbits bouncing off the walls.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, they would say, \u201cOh, well, you just wait until they get to high school.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re like\u2014\u201cOh my gosh!\u00a0 What happens in high school?\u00a0 Does something bad happen?\u201d\u00a0 Well, then, our kids get to high school, and we were like\u2014\u201cOh my gosh!\u00a0 This is amazing.\u00a0 We love high schoolers.\u201d\u00a0 We, literally, have groups of our children\u2019s friends are at our house, at least on average, four nights a week.\u00a0 There is always someone eating dinner at our house or hanging out until the sun has long gone down.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just decided, \u201cWe\u2019re going to make our home an environment where their friends feel welcome\u2014that they want to be a part of this.\u201d\u00a0 So, all of that to say\u2014we just decided, \u201cWe don\u2019t have to know everything that\u2019s happening on up ahead.\u00a0 We just want to be in the moment with you God.\u00a0 Whatever is happening with our kids\u2014if our kids are six years old, then, we\u2019re going to learn how to parent a six year old.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, sometimes, we, as parents, think we\u2019ve got to have the knowledge of Dennis Rainey\u2014you know 30 years of knowledge of parenting\u2014before I can step into the fact that God\u2019s given me this new two year old; when, instead, I can just say, \u201cGod, thank You for this gift.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd just like I opened that package at Christmas and got a new belt, I\u2019m going to put it on and start wearing it.\u00a0 You know, I got a new pair of shoes; I\u2019m going to start wearing them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, God, You gave me this new child, and I\u2019m just going to learn what I need to know.\u201d\u00a0 God does not expect you, as a mom, to be an expert on teenagers.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t expect you to be an expert on parenting.\u00a0 Just get to know that kid that God\u2019s given to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to make sure our listeners are hearing two key points you are making.\u00a0 Number one, you are receiving your child as a gift from God.\u00a0 Biblically, that\u2019s what it says\u2014\u201cBehold, children are a reward.\u00a0 The fruit of the womb is a gift from God.\u201d\u00a0 A lot of our listeners understand that.\u00a0 They\u2019ve experienced infertility, haven\u2019t been able to have kids, but we need to understand who gives us a life to care for like a child.\u00a0 <br><br>The second thing you said that I don\u2019t want parents to miss, either, is that you\u2019ve got to relate to your child.\u00a0 You have to know them.\u00a0 You have to develop a relationship with them.\u00a0 If you are going to discipline them,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014there has to be a relationship in place so that the discipline has a context of love.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hear a lot of parents, though, who hear you describe elementary and junior high and senior high; and they go\u2014\u201cOkay, I cannot relate to this guy at all.\u00a0 You must have these amazing kids who are just compliant, who do what you tell them to do.\u00a0 You\u2019ve never had to scold them.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They\u2019re not selfish.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cTheir friends come over, and you\u2019re having fun with them\u201d\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s never any sibling rivalry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cand all.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s like\u2014\u201cI\u2019m not reading your parenting book because you\u2019ve got the good kids.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ve told each of my children at some point in time that I think that they are spawns of Satan.\u00a0 So, take that for what it is.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 WHOA!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In a light-hearted way?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Of course.\u00a0 My kids hear me say positive, God-affirming words to them all the time; but sometimes, I just look at them and go\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re acting like a spawn today;\u201d you know?\u00a0 And I\u2019ll say it, even, in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014a joking way just to lighten the tension; you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, by and large, when my kids\u2014and I believe out there, your kids\u2014when they are being disrespectful or disobedient or they are walking outside of God\u2019s boundaries, I think the majority of the time it\u2019s not because they\u2019re trying to disappoint you, they\u2019re not trying to question your authority.\u00a0 Many times, they are just trying to figure their way.\u00a0 They\u2019re trying to figure out how life works.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when your son comes home and he got fired from his after school job as a 16 year old because he showed up four days in a row ten minutes late\u2014and you\u2019re like\u2014\u201cWhat?!\u00a0 How could you do this?!\u00a0 You got fired from your first job?!\u201d\u00a0 And as a parent, all you\u2019re thinking is how that reflects on you; as opposed to sit down and thinking through\u2014\u201cWait a minute!\u00a0 That was never a thought in your son\u2019s mind\u2014is \u2018I\u2019m trying to embarrass my mom or dad.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not trying to fail out of school so I\u2019ve got to repeat summer school so my dad will be embarrassed by me.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019re just trying to figure their way.\u00a0 So, for instance, the adolescent girls\u2014we know that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014roughly 30-40 percent of adolescent girls are going to be sexually active in high school.\u00a0 And when you ask the typical high school girl, \u201cWhy?\u00a0 Why would you do this,\u201d the response is \u201cBecause I want to be loved.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI want to be nurtured.\u00a0 I want to be cared for.\u00a0 I want to be valued.\u201d\u00a0 All of those are God-given value that God created us to experience all of those things, but they didn\u2019t know a way to achieve it within God\u2019s boundaries.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as a parent, when I walk into those issues of discipline, if I have it in my mind that \u201cThis is not a fight between me and my kid.\u00a0 This is an issue of me shaping my kid\u2019s heart and understanding who God has made them to be\u201d\u2014then, it takes the pressure off of me that this is not a battle for me to win.\u00a0 This is another opportunity for me to share truth, walk in truth, and model truth with my kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve listen to you tell a number of stories, now, about how you\u2019ve disciplined your children; and you start\u2014it\u2019s interesting\u2014you start every time with trying to see what the context of their lives is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and what\u2019s going on, what other factors have influenced them\u2014whether it\u2019s a failure on a test that they\u2019ve taken or run-in they\u2019ve had with a friend on the playground.\u00a0 Whatever the issue is you\u2019re trying to look past the behavior\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to what\u2019s causing it in the heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 If I walk into it with a knee-jerk of thinking, \u201cThis is about me, and somehow, I\u2019ve got to break your will.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to change your behavior,\u201d then, in the end, let\u2019s say that your kid out there\u2014that your child has been lying to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, your objective, Mom or Dad, is \u201cI\u2019m going to get my kid to stop lying to me because I want them to be a truthful person.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a great objective\u2014be a truthful person\u2014but the way of accomplishing it is \u201cBecause you keep lying to me, you don\u2019t get to drive for the next six weeks.\u201d\u00a0 Or if they are a little one, you\u2019re going to be put in time out.\u00a0 Well, did that really change anything?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean think, guys, the times our parents grounded us.\u00a0 That didn\u2019t change anything.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, I can\u2014if you ground your kid\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and say, \u201cYou\u2019re not driving for the next six weeks,\u201d all that means is now you\u2019ve got to go be a chauffeur for the next six weeks.\u00a0 So, instead, sit down and think through and pray before walking into it.\u00a0 Take a step back and say, \u201cGod, what\u2019s the endgame?\u00a0 How do I help address this issue of lying?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I say that very practically because I talk about it in the book\u2014is my daughter\u2014this was her big issue that she struggled with when she was young.\u00a0 She was a habitual liar.\u00a0 When I say, \u201clie,\u201d I mean she would lie about dumb things.\u00a0 Like, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIf you\u2019re going to lie, make it a good lie; you know?\u201d\u00a0 Lie about something important.\u00a0 Like, make it a big deal.\u00a0 She would just lie over silly things.\u00a0 Where you, as a parent\u2014you know when your kid is lying to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we would talk to her about the heart\u2014\u201cHey, you could always trust us.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to be afraid of telling the truth to us.\u00a0 We desire for us to always walk in truth as a family.\u00a0 We\u2019re all\u2014I will always be honest with you as your dad.\u00a0 Your mother will always tell you the truth\u201d\u2014again, that whole walking with, modeling, teaching truth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what finally was the breakthrough for her was when she got to middle school in sixth grade and my wife sat down and talked with her and said, \u201cI need to let you know what happened to me when I was in middle school, and why I\u2019ve talked to you so often about lying.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br>She said, \u201cWhen I was in middle school\u201d\u2014she said\u2014\u201cin eighth grade, I lost a good number of my friends because they found out that I had been lying for years.\u00a0 I was lying about my family.\u00a0 I lied about my background.\u00a0 I lied about where we had gone and what I had done.\u00a0 And kind of when the curtain of Oz was pulled back, they saw that I was not who I had always proclaimed myself to be.\u201d\u00a0 And they were like\u2014\u201cWe don\u2019t want to be friends with someone who is a liar.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI don\u2019t want that for you, either.\u00a0 And now, for you to lie to me is one thing; but now, that you are going to start establishing relationships for real friendship\u2014friends that I didn\u2019t choose for you\u2014so, if you lie to them, there is going to be real world consequences.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tImmediately, it was like a switch because she could get it.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t about Mom being mad at her or controlling her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was about Mom shaping her and preparing her to be the person that God made her to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re talking to Brian Housman who has written a book called <em>How You Always Meant to Parent<\/em>.\u00a0 And I\u2019m just curious\u2014have there never been groundings or time-outs or spankings at your house?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was wondering about that.\u00a0 I was going\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re not saying there isn\u2019t a penalty here?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, there are penalties\u2014yes.\u00a0 If there is willful, intentional disobedience from my kids, then, yes, there is going to be discipline.\u00a0 And even in times where they trip up and make a mistake, then, sometimes, there is discipline.\u00a0 But when I walk into those situations\u2014and you guys know me.\u00a0 We\u2019ve talked enough for you to know my heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I apologize if it was coming across to you out there as a parent that somehow I am like some expert at this because I am far, far from that.\u00a0 My children can tell you\u2014I am deeply, deeply flawed; but when my children have done something wrong, I really do take time to pray first before engaging in the conversation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause, one, I want to ready my own heart for that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014conversation with them because their tendency could be, as my kid\u2014if they\u2019ve been caught in sin, that they are going to want to retaliate and deflect it and make it about me and how I\u2019m wrong as a dad\u2014what I did wrong or that kind of thing.\u00a0 So, I don\u2019t want to get caught in that trap that you described as being dragged into the mud\u2014becoming a mud wrestler with our kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I just want to clarify\u2014there have been consequences\u2014groundings.\u00a0 Your kids have been grounded at some point\u2014ever?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Both of my children have never been grounded.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have they been taken off the internet?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, they\u2019ve been grounded from the internet?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I wouldn\u2019t call it a grounding.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you call it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can tell you a practical story.\u00a0 My son\u2014about a month ago, we\u2019re having a conversation.\u00a0 One of his best friends couldn\u2019t come over.\u00a0 He was having a group sleep over, about six of his buddies.\u00a0 And one of his guy friends couldn\u2019t come over, and I said, \u201cWell, how come he can\u2019t come?\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 His mom just has some weird rules.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cSo, do we have rules at our house?\u201d\u00a0 And I\u2019m just curious what his answer is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe paused, and he goes\u2014\u201cNo, we don\u2019t have many rules.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat do we have?\u201d\u00a0 He goes\u2014\u201cWe have a lot of boundaries.\u201d\u00a0 I was like\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s touchdown right there for me because he\u2019s exactly right.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t want my children to see that our relationship is about\u2014\u201cIf you do this, then, I\u2019m happy with you; and if you don\u2019t, then, I\u2019m not happy with you\u201d\u2014because the Lord doesn\u2019t deal with us that way either.\u00a0 I mean Romans 8:1\u2014\u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, since the Lord doesn\u2019t condemn me, then, I do not bring shame into that relationship with my child\u2014even in their sin\u2014because the Lord doesn\u2019t shame us.\u00a0 Hebrews says that He has come to cleanse us from a guilty conscience.\u00a0 So, my job is not to come in and shame my child into right behavior.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bailey\u2014one time, he was about 12 years old; and the boundary was if your screens\u2014his cell phone, his iPod\u2014have to be on the kitchen table at 9 o\u2019clock at night.\u00a0 So, when you get up in the middle of the night\u2014and every parent does this\u2014you wake up in the middle of the night, you go to the bathroom, and you go check on your kids.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter if your kids are eight weeks old or 18, you get up and you go check on them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I get up, I walk into the kitchen, and I don\u2019t see his cell phone there.\u00a0 So, I starting walking down the hallway to his bedroom, and I see this glow coming from the bedroom.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s the screen.\u00a0 So, as soon as I get to the door, I say, \u201cHey, Bailey,\u201d and the light goes off.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, what a surprise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I walk in and I say, \u201cHey, Bailey, do you have your phone in here with you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNo, sir.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you\u2019ve two problems.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do.\u00a0 But I\u2019m not concerned about the lie because I understand where the lie is coming from; okay?\u00a0 So, I said, \u201cBailey, are you sure you don\u2019t have your phone?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYes, sir, I do.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOkay, well, why do you have your phone in here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, I couldn\u2019t sleep, and I got up and I went and got some water in the kitchen, and I saw it there.\u00a0 So, I picked it up and I brought it back to my room.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cI understand.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think two of the most powerful words we can ever say to our children when there is sin is I understand\u2014not I\u2019m letting it go, not that there are no consequences, but I understand where this coming from.\u00a0 So, I said, \u201cI understand.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cThere are some times that I can\u2019t sleep, too.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I said, \u201cBut do you understand that I\u2019ve asked you to keep this in the kitchen table, not because I don\u2019t trust you, not because you\u2019re going to do something bad, but because my job is to protect your heart and I don\u2019t want this to be in your room with you tempting you at night affecting your heart?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said, \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 So, I put it on the counter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo weeks later, I get up.\u00a0 Same thing happens.\u00a0 Walk into the kitchen, no phone.\u00a0 I walked down the hallway.\u00a0 I see the light, walk in\u2014\u201cBailey, do you have your phone?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 So, now, it\u2019s escalating.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I said, \u201cBailey, we need to talk.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWe\u2019ve already talked about this one time.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cDo you understand why I\u2019ve asked you to have this on the kitchen table?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cSo, if this happens again\u201d\u2014I said, \u201cWhy did it happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWell, I couldn\u2019t sleep.\u00a0 So, I got up and I went and got my phone.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cI need to let you know that things\u2014when we can\u2019t sleep, that\u2019s when we get in trouble as men.\u00a0 Because when we\u2019re alone, that\u2019s when we get ourselves in trouble.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I said, \u201cSo, I don\u2019t want you to get your heart in trouble.\u00a0 I want you to trust me that, even if you don\u2019t agree with this boundary, I\u2019m asking you to honor it\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cby keeping this on the counter.\u00a0 Does that make sense?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cIf it happens again, then, I\u2019m going to have to remove the privilege for a season so that you can refigure out how to be honoring in the way that you use this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next night\u2014I promise, Bob\u2014the next night, I get up and I walk into his room and he\u2019s got it.\u00a0 He immediately\u2014as soon as he sees me at the doorway, he starts crying.\u00a0 As soon as I walked in, he goes\u2014\u201cDad, I\u2019m not crying because I got caught.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWell, why are you crying, then, Bailey?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019m crying because I don\u2019t ever want you to be disappointed in me, and I know that you are now.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, you\u2019re right, Bailey.\u00a0 I am because I really thought you trusted me in what I asked you to do.\u00a0 And now, you\u2019re showing me that you don\u2019t trust me that I don\u2019t have your best interest at heart.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cSo, I\u2019m going to have to take this for a season so that you can rethink through this.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, how long is it going to be gone?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cI really don\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 I think so often, as parents, we dole out punishments as if it\u2019s like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014an A equals B\u2014like, \u201cWell, if you lie, then, you don\u2019t get dessert,\u201d or \u201cIf you speed, you don\u2019t get to drive.\u201d\u00a0 And life is never that easy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, he said, \u201cWhen do I get it back?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cI really don\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cI think you get it back when you don\u2019t have to have it again.\u00a0 When you think you don\u2019t need it, then, I\u2019ll know you\u2019re okay with it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it was about five or six weeks ago that I open up my bedside drawer, and I see a cell phone.\u00a0 I had completely forgotten about it because he had yet to ask me about it.\u00a0 And I thought, \u201cOh, wow!\u00a0 I bet it\u2019s okay to give it back to him.\u201d\u00a0 And it was such a privilege for me\u2014almost like Christmas all over again\u2014to go and give it back to him and see his excitement because it was like this privilege had been restored in his life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I\u2019m going to call that a grounding.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to call it grounding.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to put it in context because I think a lot of our listeners would say that Brian and Mona Housman believe in grounding.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the issue\u2014it\u2019s the heart attitude of the parent.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is not some kind of punitive shaming of the child\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014hoping to get obedience because you shame them so much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And can we agree that the children of Israel got grounded for 40 years in the wilderness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014before they were allowed to go into the Promise Land?\u00a0 So, God does say, \u201cLook, until you\u2019re ready, we\u2019re not going there.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 But we\u2019ve got to understand\u2014what was the point of the grounding for Israel?\u00a0 The point of the grounding for Israel was they did not have faith because they didn\u2019t know God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014because they didn\u2019t know Him, they didn\u2019t trust Him, they couldn\u2019t have faith in Him.\u00a0 So, God said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to have to let this generation die off\u201d\u2014I\u2019m paraphrasing, obviously\u2014\u201cWe\u2019re going to have to let this generation die off so we can try this whole thing over again and so that your children can get reacquainted with Me so they can know Me and, then, they can trust Me.\u201d\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t, again, just\u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve been sinful so you\u2019re going to wander for 40 years.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s your punishment.\u00a0 I\u2019m shaming you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Still, God was reinforcing that\u2014\u201cI\u2019ve got a relationship with you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know as a parent, what your assignment is to take the lessons that God brings you every day and to pass them on to your kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, it\u2019s going to be found in lying.\u00a0 One of them that we faced was stealing.\u00a0 Another one was sibling rivalry.\u00a0 Another one was anger expressed.\u00a0 Another one\u2014rebellion.\u00a0 I mean the human heart is in need of being addressed by an authority.\u00a0 And in this case, when it\u2019s a child, it needs to be addressed by parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou need to be the parent.\u00a0 You need to be the coach, and you need to teach them how they respond to you is also how you\u2019re going to learn to respond to God.\u00a0 And this is a life and death issue.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and what that means for us, as parents, is we\u2019ve got to recognize just how important our responsibility is because we are modeling God for our children.\u00a0 Now, we\u2019re not going to be perfect.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re going to have to show our kids what confession and repentance look like; but our kids are getting their picture of who God is by how we parent them.\u00a0 And that\u2019s a sober responsibility, and it\u2019s one we\u2019ve got to get right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s one of the reasons why this radio program exists so that we can help you with practical, biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family.\u00a0 And it\u2019s one of the reasons why we recommend books like <em>How You Always Meant to Parent<\/em> by Brian Housman.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and order a copy of Brian\u2019s book.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got it on our website.\u00a0 Order online.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s called <em>How You Always Meant to Parent<\/em> by Brian Housman.\u00a0 You can also order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention\u2014Brian\u2019s written a great book on some of the tech issues parents face.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>Tech Savvy Parenting<\/em>, and we\u2019ve got that book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say, \u201cHappy Anniversary,\u201d today to\u2014and actually, we\u2019ve been having a debate here\u2014it\u2019s Rick and Linda Bushard.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure it\u2019s the Bushards, not the Bushards.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s the Bushards.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s how they say it.\u00a0 They are celebrating their anniversary today.\u00a0 They live in Kalispell, Montana.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been with us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage cruise before.\u00a0 So, happy anniversary to Rick and Linda.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries are a big deal here at FamilyLife, and we\u2019re spending 2016 celebrating all of the anniversaries that have taken over the years because of how God has used FamilyLife over the last 40 years.\u00a0 We celebrate 40 years as a ministry this year, and we want to thank those of you who partner with us.\u00a0 You really are a vital part of this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur desire is to provide practical, biblical help and hope for marriages and families on our radio program, through the internet, at our events, through our resources; and you help make that happen when you contribute to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to make a donation today, you can do that easily.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation over the phone; or you can mail a donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas, and our zip code is 72223.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about what parenting ought to look like.\u00a0 Brian Housman is going to be here.\u00a0 Hope you can be back as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304044","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304044"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304044"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304044"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304044"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}