{"id":304042,"date":"2016-06-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-06-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-is-your-end-game\/"},"modified":"2016-06-15T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-06-15T15:00:00","slug":"what-is-your-end-game","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-is-your-end-game\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Your End Game?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Brian Housman encourages parents to shoot for a bigger parenting goal than mere obedience-to see their children&#8217;s hearts transformed into Christlikeness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-15.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.69M","filesize_raw":"25884153","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[4611,2209,6021,4353],"podcast_series":[8147],"cwp_profile":[3100],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304042","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-intentional-parenting","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-with-vision","tag-raising-children","podcast_series-how-you-always-meant-to-parent","cwp_profile-brian-housman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304042\/what-is-your-end-game","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304042\/what-is-your-end-game","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"6YBM7PFPdT\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-is-your-end-game\/\">What Is Your End Game?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-is-your-end-game\/embed\/#?secret=6YBM7PFPdT\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Is Your End Game?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"6YBM7PFPdT\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Brian Housman encourages parents to shoot for a bigger parenting goal than mere obedience-to see their children's hearts transformed into Christlikeness.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Right \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> So one day, we\u2019re walking by her shop and we\u2019re going up the escalator and 8there\u2019s a vinyl banner off to the side.\u00a0 There was nothing inappropriate on the banner.\u00a0 It really was a serious teachable moment with my son who was 11 at the time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll this advertising was for makeup, it was just the woman\u2019s face.\u00a0 Just her head shot.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked to Bailey, and I said, \u201cBailey, do you see those eyes?\u201d It was the look that would sink a thousand ships.\u00a0 It was the look that was alluring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cBailey, do you see those eyes?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYes Sir.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cBailey, do not believe those eyes. Those are deceiving eyes Those are called bedroom eyes and only your wife should ever look at you in that way. If anyone else looks at you that way, then you run.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cDo you understand?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes, \u201cYes Sir.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we went and got ice cream.\u00a0 It was a minute and a half conversation, but it was either one of those things where I can ignore it, or capture this moment that God\u2019s put right in front of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My point is you can do that as a parent, and you can do that effectively and successfully and wind up with a sixteen year old who gets his girlfriend pregnant, right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Absolutely \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And end up with an adult who\u2019s going his or her own way. And this goes back to your illustration, Bob.\u00a0 Did God\u2019s children turn out perfectly? They didn\u2019t.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve all got a will, we\u2019ve been told in scripture. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each to his own way. Sometimes the teachable moments occur right under your nose, in your home. Like the time your two children were doing their homework and your daughter tossed a stapler\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> She did\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Was she tried to nail him to the wall?\u00a0 What was she trying to do at her brother?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019m back in the home office, and I hear my son scream out.\u00a0 So now the principal has to come out, cause we homeschool so I\u2019m the principal. So I come out, and I\u2019m like, what\u2019s going on? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBailey says, \u201cAshlan just threw a stapler and hit me in the head.\u201d Now by the way, that does not happen in our house. Our kids are not violent children. They don\u2019t hit things, they don\u2019t yell at each other. They really do care about each other. So I knew something was wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cBailey, how come you\u2019re not working on school.\u201d\u00a0 It was about 1:00 in the afternoon.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell I finished early. I got done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat did you have to work on today?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI had a test in math.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell how did you do?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI made 100.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I turned to Ashlan and said, \u201cWell, what about you? What\u2019s going on with you?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI did bad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI had a spelling test today.\u201d Now she\u2019s mildly dyslexic, by the way, and so as soon as she says, I had a spelling test, I know this is not going to be good.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, how did you do?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cI made an F because I\u2019m stupid.\u201d So now already I\u2019m understanding the problem. The problem is, she has a bad world view. That she doesn\u2019t understand who she is in Christ. That now she\u2019s putting her self-identity as being shaped by a grade she made on some quiz that does not matter in the big scheme of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow I\u2019m seeing the reason why she threw this stapler is because Bailey made an announcement, a proclamation that it\u2019s 1:00 and I\u2019m finished with school! So, she feels bad about herself, and throws a stapler. I asked her to go to her room for just a minute and let me talk to Bailey? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talked to Bailey about how do you be mindful of the differences between you and your sister and being respectful of those boundaries so that you don\u2019t say something that makes her feel embarrassed about herself? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then come to find out that he didn\u2019t get hit with the stapler. It\u2019s in the vicinity, so in his mind that qualifies as being hit in the head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to his sister\u2019s room, and I said, \u201cSweetie, are you having a hard day today?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cHow are you feeling about yourself?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI don\u2019t feel good because I\u2019m not very smart.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, what do you like about your brother?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cWell I like it that when we play together out in the front yard, that when all the other boys come over, he lets me stay and play with all of them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cThat\u2019s a great thing, isn\u2019t it? I know a lot of big brothers that would not want their sister around when they\u2019re playing with their guy friends. So when you throw things at him, do you think that makes him to want you to stay and play, or maybe want you to leave?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cProbably make me want to leave.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cSo what do you think might need to happen in order for you to make things right with him?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just pray together and let\u2019s just ask God to help show you what you might need to do to make that relationship right?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we prayed together, then I left, then it wasn\u2019t you need to stay in here for a time out, or you\u2019re grounded, or don\u2019t throw staplers. None of those things were the issue.\u00a0 The issue was she didn\u2019t understand who she was in Christ, and how to have a healthy relationship with her brother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen about 15 minutes later, she came out with a handmade cared that said, six things\u00a0 I love about my big brother. No one told her to make the card. We prayed about it, then my job is to speak truth, walk in truth, and model truth. The Holy Spirit\u2019s job is to bring conviction. That\u2019s never my job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think so often, we as parents, when our kids do fall into bad behavior, we immediately default to behavior modification or sin management. Instead of thinking through what\u2019s the end game? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do I get my kid to understand how God feels about them, who they are in Christ, and who God desires for them to be? It\u2019s never perfect, and I\u2019m not saying every conversation goes that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was one time when we had a summer where my son was 12, my daughter was 10, and her three best friends all moved in a three week period. My son\u2019s two closest friends I life moved in that same period. My wife\u2019s two life-long friends moved in that same month. We\u2019re walking around in a relational depression in our home, waving white flags, going God, did we do something wrong here? When really, it\u2019s just life circumstances. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we\u2019re sitting at the breakfast table one morning, and we\u2019re trying to get ready to start homeschool, and it\u2019s 9:15. We start at 9:00. I said, \u201cHey sweetie, you need to make sure to put away the breakfast cereal because you were the last one that used it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe picks up the box, and she slams it on the table, and cereal goes flying. She said, \u201cWhy do you always yell at me about the cereal box? I\u2019m not the only one that eats cereal. Everybody else eats cereal you know.\u201d Then she storms out of the room. I\u2019m sitting there going, where did this come from?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What just happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yeah, like this is not how we respond to each other in our family. My wife goes, \u201cYou know why she did that don\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cYes, because she\u2019s of your seed. That is why.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now you\u2019ve got big problems with two females in your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> My wife, being very wise, did not respond to that snide comment. She said, very smartly, she said \u201cIt\u2019s because all of her friends have left, and she thinks it\u2019s something that she did, that made them leave.\u00a0 Now she\u2019s acting out to find out if she\u2019s bad will we leave, too?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWow, how did I not see that?\u00a0 It all gets back to an issue of truth. I went to my daughter\u2019s room and she\u2019s got her blanket pulled over her head, which is her version of sack cloth and ashes \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Alright \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> I just said, \u201cSweetie, are you having a hard morning?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said \u201cAre you thinking about your friends?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cI just want to let you know, no matter what ever happens, mom and dad, we\u2019re never going anywhere.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe sat up and threw her arms around me. We cried for a couple of minutes and then prayed together. She was fine. I never ever said, and by the way, you don\u2019t raise your voice at me. I never had to say, we don\u2019t slam cereal boxes in our house. Because once the heart was addressed the behavior took care of itself. You know what Jesus said. He said, \u201cIf you love me, you\u2019ll do what?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Keep my commandments \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes, you\u2019ll keep my commands. You\u2019re going to obey me. He didn\u2019t just go to these people, these fishermen and tax collectors, and say, hey, drop everything and follow me, and somewhere along the way you\u2019ll fall in love with my plan. He knew it was all about the heart first. When the heart is right, obedience follows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m listening to these stories and they have a number of assumptions built into them. One that the parent understands who God is and how He relates to us and how He\u2019s relating to us with grace, and mercy, and trying to convince us that He loves us and has our best interest at heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to talk about how a parent needs to understand that he or she as the parent is the authority in the parent\/child relationship. There are a lot of parents today I think, who are trying to be buddies. They need a relationship. I\u2019m not talking about that. They need a relationship with their child, but they need to know they are the parent. They need to be appropriately relating to their child as that authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> I\u2019ve communicated to both of my children that my main job in your life is not to be your friend. If I am not your friend, I\u2019ve done something horribly wrong. But that\u2019s not the end game. My primary role is to be a godly authority figure in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there\u2019s three different phases of influence that we go through as parents. When our children are young, we are the primary authoritative influence in their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur job is to help not create boundaries, but to help our children understand God\u2019s boundaries. As part of that, sometimes, the Holy Spirit gives us specific convictions for our family. I think part of our kids understanding, being able to see that God is leading us, is when we explain to them our convictions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a parent out there, the Lord is giving you a specific conviction that you are not going to read, watch, PG-13 movies with your children before they\u2019re 13 years old. Other parents kind of laugh at that, and think it\u2019s silly that you have that conviction, but it\u2019s important to explain to your children that this may not be a biblical issue, but this is a conviction the Holy Spirit has given me. My job is to look out for your best interests. Whether you agree with that or not, I\u2019m asking you, just to be willing to obey my direction in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s been several times with my kids where I\u2019ve given them specific instructions, and they didn\u2019t obey those instructions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I\u2019ve gone back to them and part of starting the conversation is to revisit what our roles are. I usually start off by asking two questions to my kids. I\u2019ll ask the question, \u201cDo you believe that I love you?\u201d If the answer is no, then we have much bigger problems than whatever the behavior issue is. I just ask my son, Bailey, do you believe that I love you? His answer is always, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second question is do you believe that I have your best interest at heart? Again, if he says no, then I don\u2019t care what the behavior was, we need to talk about the issue of trust. Because now I understand that your disobedience came out of a lack of trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhich is really where, even as adults, I would make an argument that all of our sin comes out of a distrust with the Lord. Why do we jockey at our jobs to try to get one up on everybody else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause we don\u2019t believe the Lord is our provider and will take care of us so I\u2019m going to step in and take care of myself. Why are we so arrogant and talk about ourselves? Because we don\u2019t believe that we are found in Christ and I have to make a name for myself. It all comes to distrust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I ask those two questions. It doesn\u2019t matter if the issue is that my kids have snuck up in the middle of the night and they have been watching Netflix at 1:00 in the morning. Or they have their phone off the counter when they shouldn\u2019t have. Or they are being disrespectful to their mother. I ask those two questions because it again brings it back to the context of a healthy, relational authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs opposed to just me walking in and saying, \u201cHey listen, you do not talk to your mother that way.\u201d Or, \u201cI\u2019ve told you never to pick up that phone once it\u2019s on the counter at night.\u201d Because then I get back to behavior modifying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Sin management as opposed to helping them understand that yes, I\u2019m an authority figure but above everyone I\u2019m an authority you can trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think for the parent who is listening. Keep in mind what he said. He said, you ask your child, \u201cDo you know that I love you? Do you believe that? Do you think I truly do love you?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd secondly, \u201cDo you believe I have your best interest at heart?\u201d I may not be able to say \u201cyes\u201d to everything you want to go do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut do you really believe I\u2019m looking out for you and trying to provide for you everything that God wants you to enjoy? At that point it does create more of an objective conversation with your child. One of the things that we experienced in raising kids was it seemed like they were constantly trying to get us off into a mud hole, an emotional mud hole and turn us into mud wrestlers with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The reality is we have to stay out of mud wrestling. We have to stay above it and coach, encourage, and convince our children that we really do love them and we do have their best interest at heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just really glad that you took time to put a lot of what we are talking about here in print in a book called, <em>How You Always Meant to Parent: Setting Aside the Distractions of Today to Focus on Your Legacy of Tomorrow<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Brian Housman\u2019s book in our FamilyLife Resource Center. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and order a copy <em>How You Always Meant to Parent.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call if you\u2019d like to order. Our toll free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo once again, Brian Housman\u2019s book is called <em>How You Always Meant to Parent. <\/em>Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, congratulations, today to two couples who I know of who are celebrating anniversaries. Jared and Yvonne Ahrens who live in Hoffman Estates, Illinois have been married 13 years today. They have attended the Weekend to Remember Getaway and they may have run into Doug and Deb Gulbranson who live here in Little Rock, Arkansas. The reason that the Ahrens and the Gulbransons may have run into each other is because Doug and Deb are of staff here at FamilyLife. I know that they have been at a number of our Weekend to Remember Getaways as well helping serve people who attend the getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo congratulations to the Gulbransons and the Ahrens as they celebrate their anniversary today. We are the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries\u2122 at FamilyLife. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families because those marriages and families will change the world one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who share our desire to see more couples celebrating anniversaries. Those of you who partner with us as financial supporters of this ministry. We are grateful for your partnership and if it\u2019s been a while since you\u2019ve made a donation or maybe you\u2019ve never joined the team of folks who support FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s easy to do. Just go to FamilyLife Today.com and make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas, and our zip code is 72223.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more about intentional parenting. We\u2019re going to talk about how grace and punishment fit together. How can you be a parent who gives grace and yet still punishes your kids? We\u2019ll explore that tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304042","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304042"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304042"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304042"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304042"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304042"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304042"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304042"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}