{"id":304024,"date":"2016-06-02T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-06-02T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/keeping-our-kids-safe-from-predators\/"},"modified":"2016-06-02T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-06-02T15:00:00","slug":"keeping-our-kids-safe-from-predators","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keeping-our-kids-safe-from-predators\/","title":{"rendered":"Keeping Our Kids Safe From Predators"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Justin Holcomb | Series: God Made All of Me | Most of our parents warned us never to talk to strangers. But statistics show that 93 percent of abuse victims knew their perpetrators. Pastor Justin Holcomb, exploited at the age of 10 by a distant relative, talks about his book, &#8220;God Made All of Me,&#8221; which helps parents teach their children how to protect their bodies from those who would do them harm.Show Notes &#038; ResourcesInfographic for God Made All of Me<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Statistics show that 93 percent of abuse victims knew their perpetrators. Pastor Justin Holcomb helps parents teach their children how to protect their bodies from those who would do them harm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.56M","filesize_raw":"25755173","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2870,2881],"tags":[6016,6014,6015],"podcast_series":[8144],"cwp_profile":[8833],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304024","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tweens","category-young-children","tag-preparing-your-kids-to-live-in-an-evil-world","tag-protecting-your-children","tag-training-children","podcast_series-god-made-all-of-me","cwp_profile-justin-holcomb","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304024\/keeping-our-kids-safe-from-predators","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304024\/keeping-our-kids-safe-from-predators","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"q3L6E6QiOa\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keeping-our-kids-safe-from-predators\/\">Keeping Our Kids Safe From Predators<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keeping-our-kids-safe-from-predators\/embed\/#?secret=q3L6E6QiOa\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Keeping Our Kids Safe From Predators&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"q3L6E6QiOa\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Most of the time, when childhood sexual abuse happens, the abuser is someone that the victim knows and trusts. Here\u2019s pastor and author, Justin Holcomb. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Justin: <\/strong>When you\u2019re talking about perpetrators, something that is helpful to understand is the average perpetrator has 120 victims in their lifetime. So, you\u2019re not finding some guy who slipped up and accidentally sinned against a child. It\u2019s a sociopath \/ psychopath type of personality, who doesn\u2019t have remorse \/ who is strategic. They get away from being caught \/ they know how to hide. They are hunting prey\u2014they know how to do that. So, the average is 120 victims. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What are things you can do, as a parent, so your child is protected and ready to defend himself or herself from a potential abuser?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to spend some time talking about that today. So, stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. I\u2019ve already said it this week, but it bears repeating. This is just one of those subjects you wish you didn\u2019t have to talk about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is. And I was just wondering, Bob\u2014when you grew up in St. Louis, Missouri\/ I grew up in Ozark, Missouri\u2014I remember conversations something to the effect of\u2014by my mom and dad: \u201cIf someone tries to pick you up on the corner and offer you a ride to school or a ride home, or sees you out in the yard playing and invites you to get in the car, do not go near\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat person.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What I remember is: \u201cStay away from strangers offering candy.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember anybody explaining to me why\u2014just: \u201cStay away from strangers offering you candy.\u201d\u00a0 I never thought about anything other than: \u201cOh, it might be poisoned candy,\u201d \u201cIt might be a kidnapper.\u201d\u00a0 I certainly never thought, \u201cIt could be sexual abuse,\u201d because that wasn\u2019t even on my radar screen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nor mine either. I don\u2019t remember ever having a thought, as a child, that they were trying to protect me against someone sexually abusing me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I think it\u2019s important for us to say that\u2019s not because there wasn\u2019t sexual abuse happening when you and I were growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is not something that has just started happening in the last 10 or 20 years. This has been going on for as long as there has been human history. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly. And we have a pastor, an author, a dad of a couple of girls. Justin Holcomb joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He\u2019s written a book, along with his wife Lindsey, called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>. And it\u2019s a children\u2019s book, Justin, to help children protect their bodies. Thanks for doing this!\u00a0 I appreciate this for my grandkids because this does seem like it\u2019s a bigger issue today than it was back when Bob and I were little boys. Do you agree?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Thankfully, people are shining a light on this issue more and more. And by the way, I\u2019m <em>thrilled<\/em> to be back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is an honor, and this book is the one that we are most proud of from the ones we\u2019ve worked on. But yes, the issue is being talked about. Churches are talking about it. Pastors are talking about it. Parents are talking to their children and other parents about this issue. Thankfully, this is something that is not being hidden or ignored. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not that it didn\u2019t happen back in the \u201850s. We just didn\u2019t say anything if it did; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>It\u2019s been happening since the Fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>This is one of the major ways that the evil one distorts and causes destruction. Now, you talk about sexual assault\u2014and that\u2019s the distortion of the union of husband and wife. The next most-influential type of relationship\u2014parent and child\u2014what a great way to wreak havoc, and distort, and destroy\u2014if that\u2019s your intent, as the evil one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll never forget going to a seminar by Dr. Dan Allender, but he made the statement that sexual abuse is the hardest stone the devil of hell throws at a human being. I\u2019ve never forgotten that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think he\u2019s right because I think the enemy knows, if he can somehow foul the wiring up when you\u2019re a child, the wiring takes a while to be put back together as an adult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Absolutely. And that is an <em>amazing<\/em> summary of how the Bible portrays that type of abuse and the effects of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is something that you and Lindsey are passionate about because it\u2019s personal for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>We wrote this book because we have two children who, at the time we wrote it, were three and five. They are now five and seven. We started writing this because we wanted to have a book for them, and also, because, when I was ten, I experienced being sinned against in this way by an extended family member. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife has worked at a sexual assault crisis center, and her coworker was the children\u2019s victim advocate. They would go to work, and she would just hear stories. She would help her friend, who was helping children and their parents, who had suffered in this way. So, this has been a lot of our life in ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know the statistics vary on this. When you try to nail down how many people have been victimized in a culture, I\u2019ve heard anything from one in five to four out of five. And some of that depends on how you define what you\u2019re talking about with sexual abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been going with one in five because no one argues that one. It probably is more, but I don\u2019t want people to get tripped up on stats. One in five is <em>horrible<\/em>, and it does depend on how you <em>define<\/em> what sexual abuse \/ sexual assault is. So, we use a broad definition. We don\u2019t just want to have a narrow definition of what constitutes for abuse, but we don\u2019t want to have it so broad that absolutely everything can fall under the abuse category. That doesn\u2019t help\u2014it doesn\u2019t help the victims \/ it doesn\u2019t help the cause. So, one in five children will be sexually abused before their 18<sup>th<\/sup> birthday, and no one undermines that statistic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s going on in a person\u2019s heart?\u2014because this is something that just sounds so abhorrent to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Sexual abuse is mostly about power. It\u2019s not <em>only<\/em> about power\u2014but it\u2019s really important, when you\u2019re talking about sexual abuse, it\u2019s not <em>only<\/em> talked about as if it\u2019s about sex. Sex is used as a <em>tool<\/em> to abuse power and to have control over someone else. So, a lot of child sexual abuse is actually about power \/ misuse of power and its effect. The reason you can\u2019t wrap your mind around it or even imagine it is because it\u2019s such a <em>distortion<\/em> that you, thankfully, shouldn\u2019t have categories for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>It should be that <em>shocking<\/em> because it is that shocking. This is the effect of the Fall. Yes, the Fall makes us greedy and angry and, maybe, eat too much or not eat enough\u2014or however we do that\u2014but it also\u2014one of the effects of the Fall is this type of destruction and abuse of a very vulnerable person who needs the very person, who\u2019s harming them, to protect them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the reality is, in the area of our sexuality, all of us have been affected by the Fall. We all have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014sexual sin that we\u2019re processing \/ dealing with in our lives. So, one category may be more destructive than another category; but none of us can throw a stone cleanly on this one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Well, when you\u2019re talking about perpetrators, something that is helpful to understand is the average perpetrator has 120 victims in their lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>So, you\u2019re not finding some guy who slipped up and accidentally sinned against a child. It\u2019s a sociopath \/ psychopath type of personality, who doesn\u2019t have remorse \/ who is strategic. They get away from being caught \/ they know how to hide. They are hunting prey\u2014they know how to do that. So, the average is 120 victims. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you were impacted by a relative \/ an extended family relative. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s usually where the perpetrator is. Am I correct on that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 You were talking about stranger-danger\u2014and appropriately. The people who told you that were saying very good and true things. They could have said more, but they probably didn\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnly seven to ten percent of perpetrators are strangers to the child. Approximately, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t34 percent are family members. The other 59 percent are acquaintances of the family or child. So, 34 percent family\u2014so, parent, cousin, uncle, sibling \/ 59 percent acquaintances\u2014the next door neighbor, the coach, the youth pastor, the teacher. Only 7 percent is left that are strangers. So, 93 percent are known to the family or child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, \u201cBeware of strangers,\u201d is a good message to children; but it leaves them vulnerable in this area to a whole lot of potential perpetrators. In your situation, was it a one-time or was it a repeated situation where you were abused sexually?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>The first one was a grooming moment. That\u2019s what they do\u2014they groom. They kind of take a step toward and see if there is an initial strong responsive, \u201cNo!\u201d or they might get caught. So, the first encounter was a grooming. The second one was the real one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s when I went and talked to my parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And a grooming moment, as you describe that\u2014can be something like: \u201cMan, you\u2019ve got some nice muscles for somebody who is ten. Take your shirt off and let me see those muscles.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. And it can even start in churches or schools\u2014where the adult will start playing games that require closeness physically, or a tickling game, or hiding candy game, or just so\u2014it\u2019s just <em>anything<\/em> to get the guard down. That\u2019s the thing\u2014the grooming. Some of them will groom for weeks or months because they know what they want to do, and they are patient. It can be a one-step grooming, or it can be months and months of grooming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And this really explains the strategy behind your book. Your book is a book to children. It\u2019s really talking about being protective of your body. It\u2019s a parent having an intimate conversation with their child, starting out in general, about just how they\u2019re made, and who they are, and how a parent needs to protect their child\u2019s body and teach the child to think about his or her body. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>There are really two big threads through the book. One is the theological\u2014you said, starting in Genesis\u2014it\u2019s a doctrine of creation applied to children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cMale and female He created them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>And He created them good\u2014we start off with that. Then, we also get very practical. So, there are some theological foundations. On that theological foundation of: \u201cGod created you, and He created you good in your body,\u201d\u2014based on that\u2014\u201cThen, here are some practical things that take place about secrets, and private parts, and appropriate touch.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this is the problem that we\u2019ve bumped into, as parents\u2014Lindsey and I. We had a few books\u2014that we were taking three pages from one book, and three pages from another book, and three pages from this third book\u2014and kind of making it a collage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>We thought, \u201cWe just want to have the book that has Bible verses in it, the Christian story, and then, launching from that.\u201d We wanted to tell children: \u201cHey when God made\u2014you know, on Day One, Day Two, Day Three\u2014He called it good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhen He made humans, He called them good, good\u2014very good.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd launching from that: \u201cHe made all parts of your body,\u201d\u2014just being able to apply the biblical doctrine of creation to undergird the dignity of a child\u2014that\u2019s a fun thing to do. And that\u2019s what\u2014we wanted to start there, and then, launch and apply that to this issue of abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The book we\u2019re talking about is called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, a book to help children protect their bodies, by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb. And Justin is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to talk about this book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m assuming this is a book you would read to a child long before you\u2019d ever have any kind of birds and bees conversation with this child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 Well, our belief is that we should be having lots of little talks\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>\u2014not one big talk, way too late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Agreed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>If we know that the average exposure to pornography is ten to eleven\u2014or maybe, even worse now\u2014we need to be having some talks sooner. The more you can make things normal about talking about body parts and all of that, the better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What you\u2019ve done here is very simply, and yet, creatively\u2014put the cookies on the lower shelf, where a child can begin to converse with the parents. The thing I liked about it is\u2014we were trained by our parents to protect ourselves against strangers around candy, or gum, or accepting a ride. This really is getting into the issue, though, of where the real danger is\u2014which is around touching. This can happen, seemingly, in a harmless fashion with an extended family member.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. The appropriate and inappropriate touch category\u2014that\u2019s\u2014the whole book is really practically centering around that: \u201cWhat are private parts?\u00a0 How should you think about them?\u00a0 What are they called?\u201d\u00a0 Then: \u201cWhat is appropriate and inappropriate touch?\u201d\u00a0 And putting into the child\u2019s mind the idea that they can say, \u201cNo,\u201d to certain touch; and it doesn\u2019t have to be inappropriate. They can actually say, \u201cNo,\u201d to just hugs and kisses; and that\u2019s <em>okay<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we still want our children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we\u2019ve done this with our little girls. We still want them to be respectful to their grandparents. One of my favorite stories\u2014was my father \/ my mom and dad. They are very involved in our family. They are very close\u2014two hours away\u2014we see them all the time. A few years ago, my dad was leaving after a visit. He said, \u201cHey!\u201d to one of my daughters: \u201cSophia, come over here and give Grandpa a hug and a kiss.\u201d\u00a0 She said: \u201cNo, thank you. Can I give you a high-five?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cOh come on!\u00a0 I\u2019m getting ready to leave. I won\u2019t see you. Give Grandpa a kiss.\u201d\u00a0 And I looked at my dad and I was like, \u201cHey, let\u2019s go talk for one second, Dad.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s a hugger\/kisser. I mean, he\u2019s so affectionate. I\u2019m like: \u201cYou\u2019re so affectionate. This is beautiful and wonderful. I love it, but do you want your granddaughter thinking that, when a man begs for physical affection, that she should give into that?\u201d\u00a0 He got it right away and said: \u201cAbsolutely not!\u201d \u201cI mean, right now, she\u2019s just enjoying the fact that she doesn\u2019t want to give you a kiss,\u201d\u2014he has a beard. And the whole thing was\u2014he had a big beard. She didn\u2019t want to get the prickliness on her face. And he said, \u201cI got it!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, just walking our parents through that and say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, I mean, I still want her to say, \u2018No,\u2019 respectfully; but I want her to also have that be respected by you.\u201d\u00a0 And he got it. This is a difficult conversation. I mean, my wife and I deal in the topic of abuse and prevention quite a bit. The thought of talking to my children about this was daunting to <em>me<\/em> <em>and<\/em> my wife. So, we get that this isn\u2019t an easy conversation for parents to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe goal is for the book to be a tool. We\u2019ve heard of parents sitting down and reading the book, cover to cover, and launching into a great conversation. Parents have added to it\u2014things that they want to do. Some parents went through parts of the story\u2014just a little bit \/ kind of piecemeal\u2014and then, stopping and having a conversation. Next week, do another piece. So, it\u2019s a tool that the parents can use however they want. You get some good parents\u2014love their kids\u2014they\u2019ll figure it out. But this\u2014we wanted this to be something that they could <em>wield<\/em> against those that would want to harm them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Everybody has got a context. You have a context which makes you more sensitive around issues that surround this subject than me because I didn\u2019t have\u2014an experience like you had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014as a grandfather, I have sought to hug and kiss my grandsons and granddaughters. I never had the thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that by asking for a kiss from my granddaughters that I was somehow\u2014maybe, when I said: \u201cOh, come on. Come over here and give me a hug and a kiss,\u201d that I somehow was contributing to thinking that: \u201cIf the opposite sex pleads \/ if they initiate, that you\u2019ve got to be careful.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cIf an adult or an authority figure in your life asks for it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cyou need to respond.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had that thought either; but I\u2019m thinking back to every time my grandkids have left, and we\u2019ve hugged and kissed goodbye\u2014and I think your point is\u2014there is nothing wrong with that until the child says, \u201cHow about a high-five instead?\u201d Then, the parent needs to go: \u2018Gotcha! High-five!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>When I leave to travel, I\u2019m hoping my girls give me a hug and a kiss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>I get it! That\u2019s exactly it\u2014what you guys have described is <em>exactly<\/em> it\u2014which is, usually, the child is going, \u201cHow about just a high-five?\u201d\u00a0 And they might give you the high-five; and then, you are getting the hug and kiss next\u2014like my father did. He offered the high-five, and she was like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll give you a high-five.\u201d\u00a0 Then, she went over and gave him a big hug. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to see with my child is for her to explore the fact that she has some self-governance\u2014that she is allowed to say when someone stops touching her. We used to play a game when she was a little infant on purpose. It was a tickle game. I would tickle, tickle, tickle until I was like, \u201cOkay; I will tickle until you say, \u2018Stop,\u2019 or \u201cNo more.\u201d\u00a0 As soon as she would say, \u201cStop,\u201d I would stop. I just wanted her to get <em>trained<\/em> to\u2014when she says, \u201cStop,\u201d \/ when she says, \u201cNo more,\u201d\u2014it <em>stops<\/em>. She has an expectation of that now. I want that to be applied for the rest of her life\u2014when she\u2019s 15, and 21, and 35\u2014like I want her to have that sense of expectation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I\u2019m thinking of that game\u2014I think that\u2019s a great idea. I\u2019m thinking I\u2019d carry it one step further, which is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOkay; now, the next time you tell me to stop, I\u2019m not going to stop. What I want you to do is scream.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Ooh. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want you to scream, \u2018MOMMY!\u2019 just as loud as you can,\u201d\u2014because there will come a time when she\u2019ll say, \u201cStop!\u201d and somebody won\u2019t. She needs to know what to do when the person you say, \u201cStop!\u201d to doesn\u2019t stop. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>I like that a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>I really like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As you were talking, I was also thinking about the healthy side of this\u2014which I do with my granddaughters and grandsons because I didn\u2019t do it with my sons and my daughters\u2014is I had three kinds of hugs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Hang on. Before you tell us about your hugs, let me just remind listeners\u2014the book we\u2019ve been talking about today is called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, a book to help children protect their bodies. It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em> Resource Center. Listeners can go online and get a copy and read this to their children \/ grandparents could read it to grandchildren\u2014but this is a book that needs to be read to kids today. It\u2019s called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and we can have a copy of the book sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tell us about the three kinds of hugs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I had three kinds of hugs\u2014a baby bear hug, a momma bear hug, and a <em>papa<\/em> bear hug. And the baby bear hug was [making sound like] eek-eek-eek, and a very gentle hug. They\u2019d get used to this\u2014all of them\u2014whether they were my kids or, now, my grandkids do it. They will actually get the baby bear hug\u2014they\u2019ll kind of close their eyes, and smile, and go, \u201cMamma bear hug.\u201d\u00a0 So, I give them this warm, just kind of dreamy hug; and, then, their bodies stiffens, and they go, \u201cPapa bear hug.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>They brace for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\u00a0 And I give them this really papa bear hug, and growl a little bit, and tell them I love them. I think we need to be careful in this culture. This is my exhortation to parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I think we need to be careful of not allowing the distortion of the culture \/ the destruction of the enemy to rob us of one of the great privileges of physical closeness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just needs to be appropriate and it needs to be in public. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how can you tell the difference between an uncle, who is saying, \u201cGive me a papa bear hug,\u201d and somebody who is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you heard me say, \u201cIt needs to be appropriate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cand it needs to be in public.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But Justin, if you\u2019re a parent and your brother wants to do papa bear hugs with your daughter, when does your antenna go up and say: \u201cWait, wait, wait!\u00a0 Something might not be right here\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>If they do it against my child\u2019s wishes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>\u2014if they seem to do it with no one else around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Some parents\u2014many people have a gut instinct on that. I encourage people to go with their gut. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>The need to be alone with a child \/ the need to violate the child\u2019s wishes are the two big ones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point that you made about not wanting the destruction to take away and rob us, I could not agree more because we have to thread the needle regarding this issue because we don\u2019t want to instill radical fear into children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want parents to be involved in preventing and recognizing threats. The best way is to give children appropriate affection because, when you have a lot of that, then, they learn what inappropriate affection looks like. You need to give them the categories, and the words, and teach them, but the <em>experience<\/em> of good affection from family and friends is a great defense because they will have a category for <em>not<\/em> <em>safe<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what you are doing in those hugs\u2014you\u2019ve prepared your children and your grandchildren for good love from someone who loves them, and that\u2019s a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, hugs that happen, with the whole family standing around\u2014that\u2019s different and that\u2019s not the kind of threatening behavior that is the same as when a relative wants to hug in private. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a part of how you can help your child be prepared and know differences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou outline in the back of the book you\u2019ve written for children, <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014you outline nine ways parents can proactively help their children be prepared for the potential of being sexually abused \/ how they can recognize that something inappropriate may be happening here. And we\u2019re going to expand more on that tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell our listeners how they can get a copy of the book, <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, which is a book you\u2019ve written to help children protect their bodies. It\u2019s a book designed for parents to read to kids; and this would be, again, as we\u2019ve said, for kids who are two, to seven, to eight. I mean, you can read it to older kids, but it\u2019s really written for young children. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about the book that Justin and Lindsey Holcomb have written\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can order from us online if you\u2019d like; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and order by phone\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Again, the title of the book\u2014<em>God Made All of Me: A Book to Help Children Protect Their Bodies<\/em>\u2014by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it\u2019s not many days that you can say this; but we want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d today to Jim and Terri Baker in Houston, Texas. They are celebrating their 49<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. And there aren\u2019t many marriages that get to that landmark\u2014so \u2018Congratulations!\u201d to the Bakers on 49 years of marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries are a big deal, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re celebrating our 40<sup>th<\/sup> this year, but the way we\u2019re doing it is by celebrating all of the anniversaries of listeners, like you, who have benefitted from the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and who may be celebrating anniversaries this year because of how God has used FamilyLife in your life in some way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>, and we just want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who have helped make this ministry possible over the last 40 years\u2014those of you who contribute to the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> financially. We are listener-supported, and your contributions help make all that we do here happen. So, \u201cThank you for your support.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to make a donation today, it\u2019s easy to do. You can do it online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can do it by phone when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY, or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and the zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you would like to be one of our regular contributors\u2014one of the folks we call a Legacy Partner\u2014you can find out more about how to be a part of that team when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com or, again, call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to start to take a look at some of the things parents can do\u2014some of the ways we can help our children learn how to protect their own bodies. Justin Holcomb is going to be back with us tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.56M"],"filesize_raw":["25755173"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304024.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304024.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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show that 93 percent of abuse victims knew their perpetrators. Pastor Justin Holcomb helps parents teach their children how to protect their bodies from those who would do them harm.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-06-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Most of the time, when childhood sexual abuse happens, the abuser is someone that the victim knows and trusts. Here\u2019s pastor and author, Justin Holcomb. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Justin: <\/strong>When you\u2019re talking about perpetrators, something that is helpful to understand is the average perpetrator has 120 victims in their lifetime. So, you\u2019re not finding some guy who slipped up and accidentally sinned against a child. It\u2019s a sociopath \/ psychopath type of personality, who doesn\u2019t have remorse \/ who is strategic. They get away from being caught \/ they know how to hide. They are hunting prey\u2014they know how to do that. So, the average is 120 victims. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What are things you can do, as a parent, so your child is protected and ready to defend himself or herself from a potential abuser?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to spend some time talking about that today. So, stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. I\u2019ve already said it this week, but it bears repeating. This is just one of those subjects you wish you didn\u2019t have to talk about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is. And I was just wondering, Bob\u2014when you grew up in St. Louis, Missouri\/ I grew up in Ozark, Missouri\u2014I remember conversations something to the effect of\u2014by my mom and dad: \u201cIf someone tries to pick you up on the corner and offer you a ride to school or a ride home, or sees you out in the yard playing and invites you to get in the car, do not go near\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat person.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What I remember is: \u201cStay away from strangers offering candy.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember anybody explaining to me why\u2014just: \u201cStay away from strangers offering you candy.\u201d\u00a0 I never thought about anything other than: \u201cOh, it might be poisoned candy,\u201d \u201cIt might be a kidnapper.\u201d\u00a0 I certainly never thought, \u201cIt could be sexual abuse,\u201d because that wasn\u2019t even on my radar screen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nor mine either. I don\u2019t remember ever having a thought, as a child, that they were trying to protect me against someone sexually abusing me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I think it\u2019s important for us to say that\u2019s not because there wasn\u2019t sexual abuse happening when you and I were growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is not something that has just started happening in the last 10 or 20 years. This has been going on for as long as there has been human history. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly. And we have a pastor, an author, a dad of a couple of girls. Justin Holcomb joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He\u2019s written a book, along with his wife Lindsey, called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>. And it\u2019s a children\u2019s book, Justin, to help children protect their bodies. Thanks for doing this!\u00a0 I appreciate this for my grandkids because this does seem like it\u2019s a bigger issue today than it was back when Bob and I were little boys. Do you agree?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Thankfully, people are shining a light on this issue more and more. And by the way, I\u2019m <em>thrilled<\/em> to be back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is an honor, and this book is the one that we are most proud of from the ones we\u2019ve worked on. But yes, the issue is being talked about. Churches are talking about it. Pastors are talking about it. Parents are talking to their children and other parents about this issue. Thankfully, this is something that is not being hidden or ignored. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not that it didn\u2019t happen back in the \u201850s. We just didn\u2019t say anything if it did; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>It\u2019s been happening since the Fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>This is one of the major ways that the evil one distorts and causes destruction. Now, you talk about sexual assault\u2014and that\u2019s the distortion of the union of husband and wife. The next most-influential type of relationship\u2014parent and child\u2014what a great way to wreak havoc, and distort, and destroy\u2014if that\u2019s your intent, as the evil one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll never forget going to a seminar by Dr. Dan Allender, but he made the statement that sexual abuse is the hardest stone the devil of hell throws at a human being. I\u2019ve never forgotten that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think he\u2019s right because I think the enemy knows, if he can somehow foul the wiring up when you\u2019re a child, the wiring takes a while to be put back together as an adult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Absolutely. And that is an <em>amazing<\/em> summary of how the Bible portrays that type of abuse and the effects of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is something that you and Lindsey are passionate about because it\u2019s personal for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>We wrote this book because we have two children who, at the time we wrote it, were three and five. They are now five and seven. We started writing this because we wanted to have a book for them, and also, because, when I was ten, I experienced being sinned against in this way by an extended family member. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife has worked at a sexual assault crisis center, and her coworker was the children\u2019s victim advocate. They would go to work, and she would just hear stories. She would help her friend, who was helping children and their parents, who had suffered in this way. So, this has been a lot of our life in ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know the statistics vary on this. When you try to nail down how many people have been victimized in a culture, I\u2019ve heard anything from one in five to four out of five. And some of that depends on how you define what you\u2019re talking about with sexual abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been going with one in five because no one argues that one. It probably is more, but I don\u2019t want people to get tripped up on stats. One in five is <em>horrible<\/em>, and it does depend on how you <em>define<\/em> what sexual abuse \/ sexual assault is. So, we use a broad definition. We don\u2019t just want to have a narrow definition of what constitutes for abuse, but we don\u2019t want to have it so broad that absolutely everything can fall under the abuse category. That doesn\u2019t help\u2014it doesn\u2019t help the victims \/ it doesn\u2019t help the cause. So, one in five children will be sexually abused before their 18<sup>th<\/sup> birthday, and no one undermines that statistic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s going on in a person\u2019s heart?\u2014because this is something that just sounds so abhorrent to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Sexual abuse is mostly about power. It\u2019s not <em>only<\/em> about power\u2014but it\u2019s really important, when you\u2019re talking about sexual abuse, it\u2019s not <em>only<\/em> talked about as if it\u2019s about sex. Sex is used as a <em>tool<\/em> to abuse power and to have control over someone else. So, a lot of child sexual abuse is actually about power \/ misuse of power and its effect. The reason you can\u2019t wrap your mind around it or even imagine it is because it\u2019s such a <em>distortion<\/em> that you, thankfully, shouldn\u2019t have categories for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>It should be that <em>shocking<\/em> because it is that shocking. This is the effect of the Fall. Yes, the Fall makes us greedy and angry and, maybe, eat too much or not eat enough\u2014or however we do that\u2014but it also\u2014one of the effects of the Fall is this type of destruction and abuse of a very vulnerable person who needs the very person, who\u2019s harming them, to protect them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the reality is, in the area of our sexuality, all of us have been affected by the Fall. We all have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014sexual sin that we\u2019re processing \/ dealing with in our lives. So, one category may be more destructive than another category; but none of us can throw a stone cleanly on this one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Well, when you\u2019re talking about perpetrators, something that is helpful to understand is the average perpetrator has 120 victims in their lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>So, you\u2019re not finding some guy who slipped up and accidentally sinned against a child. It\u2019s a sociopath \/ psychopath type of personality, who doesn\u2019t have remorse \/ who is strategic. They get away from being caught \/ they know how to hide. They are hunting prey\u2014they know how to do that. So, the average is 120 victims. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you were impacted by a relative \/ an extended family relative. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s usually where the perpetrator is. Am I correct on that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 You were talking about stranger-danger\u2014and appropriately. The people who told you that were saying very good and true things. They could have said more, but they probably didn\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnly seven to ten percent of perpetrators are strangers to the child. Approximately, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t34 percent are family members. The other 59 percent are acquaintances of the family or child. So, 34 percent family\u2014so, parent, cousin, uncle, sibling \/ 59 percent acquaintances\u2014the next door neighbor, the coach, the youth pastor, the teacher. Only 7 percent is left that are strangers. So, 93 percent are known to the family or child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, \u201cBeware of strangers,\u201d is a good message to children; but it leaves them vulnerable in this area to a whole lot of potential perpetrators. In your situation, was it a one-time or was it a repeated situation where you were abused sexually?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>The first one was a grooming moment. That\u2019s what they do\u2014they groom. They kind of take a step toward and see if there is an initial strong responsive, \u201cNo!\u201d or they might get caught. So, the first encounter was a grooming. The second one was the real one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s when I went and talked to my parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And a grooming moment, as you describe that\u2014can be something like: \u201cMan, you\u2019ve got some nice muscles for somebody who is ten. Take your shirt off and let me see those muscles.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. And it can even start in churches or schools\u2014where the adult will start playing games that require closeness physically, or a tickling game, or hiding candy game, or just so\u2014it\u2019s just <em>anything<\/em> to get the guard down. That\u2019s the thing\u2014the grooming. Some of them will groom for weeks or months because they know what they want to do, and they are patient. It can be a one-step grooming, or it can be months and months of grooming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And this really explains the strategy behind your book. Your book is a book to children. It\u2019s really talking about being protective of your body. It\u2019s a parent having an intimate conversation with their child, starting out in general, about just how they\u2019re made, and who they are, and how a parent needs to protect their child\u2019s body and teach the child to think about his or her body. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>There are really two big threads through the book. One is the theological\u2014you said, starting in Genesis\u2014it\u2019s a doctrine of creation applied to children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cMale and female He created them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>And He created them good\u2014we start off with that. Then, we also get very practical. So, there are some theological foundations. On that theological foundation of: \u201cGod created you, and He created you good in your body,\u201d\u2014based on that\u2014\u201cThen, here are some practical things that take place about secrets, and private parts, and appropriate touch.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this is the problem that we\u2019ve bumped into, as parents\u2014Lindsey and I. We had a few books\u2014that we were taking three pages from one book, and three pages from another book, and three pages from this third book\u2014and kind of making it a collage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>We thought, \u201cWe just want to have the book that has Bible verses in it, the Christian story, and then, launching from that.\u201d We wanted to tell children: \u201cHey when God made\u2014you know, on Day One, Day Two, Day Three\u2014He called it good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhen He made humans, He called them good, good\u2014very good.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd launching from that: \u201cHe made all parts of your body,\u201d\u2014just being able to apply the biblical doctrine of creation to undergird the dignity of a child\u2014that\u2019s a fun thing to do. And that\u2019s what\u2014we wanted to start there, and then, launch and apply that to this issue of abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The book we\u2019re talking about is called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, a book to help children protect their bodies, by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb. And Justin is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to talk about this book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m assuming this is a book you would read to a child long before you\u2019d ever have any kind of birds and bees conversation with this child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 Well, our belief is that we should be having lots of little talks\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>\u2014not one big talk, way too late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Agreed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>If we know that the average exposure to pornography is ten to eleven\u2014or maybe, even worse now\u2014we need to be having some talks sooner. The more you can make things normal about talking about body parts and all of that, the better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What you\u2019ve done here is very simply, and yet, creatively\u2014put the cookies on the lower shelf, where a child can begin to converse with the parents. The thing I liked about it is\u2014we were trained by our parents to protect ourselves against strangers around candy, or gum, or accepting a ride. This really is getting into the issue, though, of where the real danger is\u2014which is around touching. This can happen, seemingly, in a harmless fashion with an extended family member.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. The appropriate and inappropriate touch category\u2014that\u2019s\u2014the whole book is really practically centering around that: \u201cWhat are private parts?\u00a0 How should you think about them?\u00a0 What are they called?\u201d\u00a0 Then: \u201cWhat is appropriate and inappropriate touch?\u201d\u00a0 And putting into the child\u2019s mind the idea that they can say, \u201cNo,\u201d to certain touch; and it doesn\u2019t have to be inappropriate. They can actually say, \u201cNo,\u201d to just hugs and kisses; and that\u2019s <em>okay<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we still want our children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we\u2019ve done this with our little girls. We still want them to be respectful to their grandparents. One of my favorite stories\u2014was my father \/ my mom and dad. They are very involved in our family. They are very close\u2014two hours away\u2014we see them all the time. A few years ago, my dad was leaving after a visit. He said, \u201cHey!\u201d to one of my daughters: \u201cSophia, come over here and give Grandpa a hug and a kiss.\u201d\u00a0 She said: \u201cNo, thank you. Can I give you a high-five?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cOh come on!\u00a0 I\u2019m getting ready to leave. I won\u2019t see you. Give Grandpa a kiss.\u201d\u00a0 And I looked at my dad and I was like, \u201cHey, let\u2019s go talk for one second, Dad.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s a hugger\/kisser. I mean, he\u2019s so affectionate. I\u2019m like: \u201cYou\u2019re so affectionate. This is beautiful and wonderful. I love it, but do you want your granddaughter thinking that, when a man begs for physical affection, that she should give into that?\u201d\u00a0 He got it right away and said: \u201cAbsolutely not!\u201d \u201cI mean, right now, she\u2019s just enjoying the fact that she doesn\u2019t want to give you a kiss,\u201d\u2014he has a beard. And the whole thing was\u2014he had a big beard. She didn\u2019t want to get the prickliness on her face. And he said, \u201cI got it!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, just walking our parents through that and say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, I mean, I still want her to say, \u2018No,\u2019 respectfully; but I want her to also have that be respected by you.\u201d\u00a0 And he got it. This is a difficult conversation. I mean, my wife and I deal in the topic of abuse and prevention quite a bit. The thought of talking to my children about this was daunting to <em>me<\/em> <em>and<\/em> my wife. So, we get that this isn\u2019t an easy conversation for parents to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe goal is for the book to be a tool. We\u2019ve heard of parents sitting down and reading the book, cover to cover, and launching into a great conversation. Parents have added to it\u2014things that they want to do. Some parents went through parts of the story\u2014just a little bit \/ kind of piecemeal\u2014and then, stopping and having a conversation. Next week, do another piece. So, it\u2019s a tool that the parents can use however they want. You get some good parents\u2014love their kids\u2014they\u2019ll figure it out. But this\u2014we wanted this to be something that they could <em>wield<\/em> against those that would want to harm them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Everybody has got a context. You have a context which makes you more sensitive around issues that surround this subject than me because I didn\u2019t have\u2014an experience like you had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014as a grandfather, I have sought to hug and kiss my grandsons and granddaughters. I never had the thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that by asking for a kiss from my granddaughters that I was somehow\u2014maybe, when I said: \u201cOh, come on. Come over here and give me a hug and a kiss,\u201d that I somehow was contributing to thinking that: \u201cIf the opposite sex pleads \/ if they initiate, that you\u2019ve got to be careful.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cIf an adult or an authority figure in your life asks for it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cyou need to respond.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had that thought either; but I\u2019m thinking back to every time my grandkids have left, and we\u2019ve hugged and kissed goodbye\u2014and I think your point is\u2014there is nothing wrong with that until the child says, \u201cHow about a high-five instead?\u201d Then, the parent needs to go: \u2018Gotcha! High-five!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>When I leave to travel, I\u2019m hoping my girls give me a hug and a kiss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>I get it! That\u2019s exactly it\u2014what you guys have described is <em>exactly<\/em> it\u2014which is, usually, the child is going, \u201cHow about just a high-five?\u201d\u00a0 And they might give you the high-five; and then, you are getting the hug and kiss next\u2014like my father did. He offered the high-five, and she was like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll give you a high-five.\u201d\u00a0 Then, she went over and gave him a big hug. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to see with my child is for her to explore the fact that she has some self-governance\u2014that she is allowed to say when someone stops touching her. We used to play a game when she was a little infant on purpose. It was a tickle game. I would tickle, tickle, tickle until I was like, \u201cOkay; I will tickle until you say, \u2018Stop,\u2019 or \u201cNo more.\u201d\u00a0 As soon as she would say, \u201cStop,\u201d I would stop. I just wanted her to get <em>trained<\/em> to\u2014when she says, \u201cStop,\u201d \/ when she says, \u201cNo more,\u201d\u2014it <em>stops<\/em>. She has an expectation of that now. I want that to be applied for the rest of her life\u2014when she\u2019s 15, and 21, and 35\u2014like I want her to have that sense of expectation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I\u2019m thinking of that game\u2014I think that\u2019s a great idea. I\u2019m thinking I\u2019d carry it one step further, which is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOkay; now, the next time you tell me to stop, I\u2019m not going to stop. What I want you to do is scream.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Ooh. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want you to scream, \u2018MOMMY!\u2019 just as loud as you can,\u201d\u2014because there will come a time when she\u2019ll say, \u201cStop!\u201d and somebody won\u2019t. She needs to know what to do when the person you say, \u201cStop!\u201d to doesn\u2019t stop. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>I like that a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>I really like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As you were talking, I was also thinking about the healthy side of this\u2014which I do with my granddaughters and grandsons because I didn\u2019t do it with my sons and my daughters\u2014is I had three kinds of hugs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Hang on. Before you tell us about your hugs, let me just remind listeners\u2014the book we\u2019ve been talking about today is called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, a book to help children protect their bodies. It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em> Resource Center. Listeners can go online and get a copy and read this to their children \/ grandparents could read it to grandchildren\u2014but this is a book that needs to be read to kids today. It\u2019s called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and we can have a copy of the book sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tell us about the three kinds of hugs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I had three kinds of hugs\u2014a baby bear hug, a momma bear hug, and a <em>papa<\/em> bear hug. And the baby bear hug was [making sound like] eek-eek-eek, and a very gentle hug. They\u2019d get used to this\u2014all of them\u2014whether they were my kids or, now, my grandkids do it. They will actually get the baby bear hug\u2014they\u2019ll kind of close their eyes, and smile, and go, \u201cMamma bear hug.\u201d\u00a0 So, I give them this warm, just kind of dreamy hug; and, then, their bodies stiffens, and they go, \u201cPapa bear hug.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>They brace for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\u00a0 And I give them this really papa bear hug, and growl a little bit, and tell them I love them. I think we need to be careful in this culture. This is my exhortation to parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I think we need to be careful of not allowing the distortion of the culture \/ the destruction of the enemy to rob us of one of the great privileges of physical closeness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just needs to be appropriate and it needs to be in public. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how can you tell the difference between an uncle, who is saying, \u201cGive me a papa bear hug,\u201d and somebody who is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you heard me say, \u201cIt needs to be appropriate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cand it needs to be in public.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But Justin, if you\u2019re a parent and your brother wants to do papa bear hugs with your daughter, when does your antenna go up and say: \u201cWait, wait, wait!\u00a0 Something might not be right here\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>If they do it against my child\u2019s wishes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>\u2014if they seem to do it with no one else around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Some parents\u2014many people have a gut instinct on that. I encourage people to go with their gut. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>The need to be alone with a child \/ the need to violate the child\u2019s wishes are the two big ones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point that you made about not wanting the destruction to take away and rob us, I could not agree more because we have to thread the needle regarding this issue because we don\u2019t want to instill radical fear into children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want parents to be involved in preventing and recognizing threats. The best way is to give children appropriate affection because, when you have a lot of that, then, they learn what inappropriate affection looks like. You need to give them the categories, and the words, and teach them, but the <em>experience<\/em> of good affection from family and friends is a great defense because they will have a category for <em>not<\/em> <em>safe<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what you are doing in those hugs\u2014you\u2019ve prepared your children and your grandchildren for good love from someone who loves them, and that\u2019s a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, hugs that happen, with the whole family standing around\u2014that\u2019s different and that\u2019s not the kind of threatening behavior that is the same as when a relative wants to hug in private. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a part of how you can help your child be prepared and know differences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou outline in the back of the book you\u2019ve written for children, <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Justin: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014you outline nine ways parents can proactively help their children be prepared for the potential of being sexually abused \/ how they can recognize that something inappropriate may be happening here. And we\u2019re going to expand more on that tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell our listeners how they can get a copy of the book, <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, which is a book you\u2019ve written to help children protect their bodies. It\u2019s a book designed for parents to read to kids; and this would be, again, as we\u2019ve said, for kids who are two, to seven, to eight. I mean, you can read it to older kids, but it\u2019s really written for young children. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about the book that Justin and Lindsey Holcomb have written\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014called <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can order from us online if you\u2019d like; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and order by phone\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Again, the title of the book\u2014<em>God Made All of Me: A Book to Help Children Protect Their Bodies<\/em>\u2014by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it\u2019s not many days that you can say this; but we want to say, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d today to Jim and Terri Baker in Houston, Texas. They are celebrating their 49<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. And there aren\u2019t many marriages that get to that landmark\u2014so \u2018Congratulations!\u201d to the Bakers on 49 years of marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think anniversaries are a big deal, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re celebrating our 40<sup>th<\/sup> this year, but the way we\u2019re doing it is by celebrating all of the anniversaries of listeners, like you, who have benefitted from the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and who may be celebrating anniversaries this year because of how God has used FamilyLife in your life in some way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>, and we just want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who have helped make this ministry possible over the last 40 years\u2014those of you who contribute to the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> financially. We are listener-supported, and your contributions help make all that we do here happen. So, \u201cThank you for your support.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to make a donation today, it\u2019s easy to do. You can do it online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can do it by phone when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY, or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and the zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you would like to be one of our regular contributors\u2014one of the folks we call a Legacy Partner\u2014you can find out more about how to be a part of that team when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com or, again, call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to start to take a look at some of the things parents can do\u2014some of the ways we can help our children learn how to protect their own bodies. Justin Holcomb is going to be back with us tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304024","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304024"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304024"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304024"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304024"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304024"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304024"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304024"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}