{"id":304018,"date":"2016-05-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-05-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-prevalent-is-sexual-abuse\/"},"modified":"2016-05-30T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-05-30T15:00:00","slug":"how-prevalent-is-sexual-abuse","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-prevalent-is-sexual-abuse\/","title":{"rendered":"How Prevalent Is Sexual Abuse?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dan Allender reminds listeners that in order for there to be healing from sexual abuse, the victim must acknowledge there&#8217;s been a wounding. Admitting the truth is the first step to freedom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.99M","filesize_raw":"24104229","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[6012,6013,4395,4374],"podcast_series":[8143],"cwp_profile":[3437],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304018","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-abuse-vitctim","tag-freedom-from-abuse","tag-healing-from-abuse","tag-sexual-abuse","podcast_series-healing-the-wounded-heart","cwp_profile-dan-allender","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304018\/how-prevalent-is-sexual-abuse","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304018\/how-prevalent-is-sexual-abuse","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Z37vwVX9R7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-prevalent-is-sexual-abuse\/\">How Prevalent Is Sexual Abuse?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-prevalent-is-sexual-abuse\/embed\/#?secret=Z37vwVX9R7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How Prevalent Is Sexual Abuse?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Z37vwVX9R7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible says that we are to forget the things that lie behind. Dr. Dan Allender says, when it comes to the experience of childhood sexual abuse, the experience may be in your past; but the ramifications of that experience are still very much with you today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I think there is a kind of Christian worldview, at times, that says: \u201cDon\u2019t look at the past.\u201d Look, it is hard \/ it\u2019s unpleasant\u2014so many years ago\u2014but it\u2019s still in your brain \/ it\u2019s still affecting your way of relating to others. At some point, you\u2019re going to have the courage to look back\u2014open your eyes and begin to name, really, the unspeakable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How do we find healing and press on when we\u2019ve experienced the shame and the pain of childhood sexual abuse? We\u2019re going to explore that today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. I looked back, before we started today, just to see how long it had been\u2014in the very first year that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> was on the air, one of the first interviews we did was with our guest today. It\u2019s one of the few interviews we\u2019ve ever done by telephone; but back in those days, we didn\u2019t have any money to fly anybody to Little Rock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. You\u2019re talking, of course, of our friend, Dr. Dan Allender, who joins us again, now for the tenth time, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, Dan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Dennis \/ Bob\u2014just a delight, always, to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Would you like us to leave? Tell the truth. Would you like Bob and me to leave and just have you take over the broadcast?\u2014because it\u2019s either that or, I think, we\u2019re going to have to start charging you rent for being here. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>Look\u2014look, I love being able to talk about my work; but being with the two of you\u2014aw\u2014come on! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, if you don\u2019t recognize that voice or that name\u2014Dr. Allender is one of <em>the<\/em> leading experts \/ if not <em>the<\/em> leader in the whole area of sexual abuse. That first interview we did, Bob, was Dan\u2019s book, <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>. How many did that go on to sell, Dan?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Dan:<\/strong> About a half-million. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Unbelievable. It really has been used by God in a lot of people\u2019s lives to bring healing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and in fact, we speak about this subject briefly at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Obviously we can\u2019t unpack the issue for a couple in the few minutes that we have to talk about it, but we point people routinely to <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em> because it is <em>the<\/em> resource\u2014it has been <em>the<\/em> resource for more than two decades\u2014to help people deal with this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about this subject today\u2014obviously, a sensitive subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan you have jumped back into this topic, not to replace what you\u2019ve done, but to add to what you\u2019ve already done in speaking on the issue of sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> A number of years ago,Becky, my wife, said, \u201cLook, you have learned a great deal.\u201d As much as we both appreciate what I was able to accomplish, as a 36-year-old, writing <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>, she said, \u201cYou really need to do a 25-year retrospective and to take the material that you\u2019ve learned\u2026\u201d\u2014things that we now know about the brain \/ things I know now about spiritual abuse and the issues of what evil\u2019s doing in the midst of sexual abuse. There are just things that needed to be highlighted again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As a result, you wrote this book, <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em>. In fact, the last time you and I were together, we went fishing. You were talking about how many pages that this was going to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This really is a separate work from the original book, <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> It overlaps; but it\u2019s enough different to say, \u201cLook, after being in a field for a few decades, you better have learned a whole lot.\u201d That needed to be, again, reengaged with those who have histories of abuse or who are in relationship with people who have been violated in that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You addressed the subject the first time in <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>, not just because it was of clinical interest to you, but because it\u2019s a part of your past.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> The strange thing, of course, is I was four or five chapters in before I actually came to admit that I had sexual abuse in my own life. That\u2019s part of the reality for <em>many<\/em> who have been abused. They may know\u2014or they may not know\u2014but naming it \/ just simply saying, \u201cI am a victim of past sexual harm,\u201d opens up a horrible initial vista; but indeed; over seasons; will open the heart to very significant change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So when you say you started writing a book, and you were four or five chapters in before you named what had happened to you, was this a memory that emerged or was it just something that you were keeping so off to the side that you wouldn\u2019t point to it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I\u2019ve worked with people; for example, a sex crimes detective, who told me that she\u2019d been molested by her uncle. I said, \u201cWhen did he sexually abuse you?\u201d And she looked at me and she said, \u201cI\u2014I was never sexually abused.\u201d We use words to escape reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn one sense, I <em>knew<\/em> there were sexually-shaming, violating events; but even in the ability to teach it, I had not applied the very truth to my own life. A good friend heard me teach and asked if I had ever been abused. I said, \u201cNo\u201d; and then he asked again, \u201cHad you ever been sexually shamed \/ ever sexually used by another person?\u201d I answered very quickly, \u201cWell, of course!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then he asked me to begin to name those moments. As I did, the tears, streaming down his face, said, \u2018\u201dAre you really saying you\u2019ve never been sexually abused?\u201d I, at that point, said, \u201cNo.\u201d He pressed again; and at that moment\u2014who knows how the Spirit works\u2014but the veil was rent; and I literally had to say out loud, \u201cI have been sexually abused.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s hard for some to hear that it is possible that you could be teaching, thinking, writing, and never make that application to your own life; but that\u2019s how powerful shame is\u2014to be able to numb you to the reality of what you suffered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m actually hearing you name, I guess, two\u2014not extremes\u2014but two reasons why we\u2014we can\u2019t name it. Number one: we\u2019re na\u00efve. We just naively look at our past and maybe brush it away as something that happened but don\u2019t want to think that it was significant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is that we\u2019re really ashamed and we want to bury it. We don\u2019t want to have to deal with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely! And in that naivet\u00e9, I think there\u2019s a kind of Christian worldview, at times, that says: \u201cDon\u2019t look at the past.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> \u201cOnly look forward to the high maturity of the call of following Christ.\u201d Indeed, we are to do that; but not with pretending that the past is never really the past\u2014it\u2019s actually being lived out in our lives today. That ability to name\u2014look, it\u2019s hard \/ it\u2019s unpleasant\u2014so many years ago\u2014but it\u2019s still in your body \/ it\u2019s still in your brain\u2014it\u2019s still affecting your way of relating to others. At some point, you\u2019re going to need to have the courage to look back\u2014open your eyes and begin to name, really, the unspeakable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why is it so important\u2014in your case, you acknowledged you were sexually violated. Your friend said she was molested. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy is it so important that you say, \u201cThat was abuse\u201d? Why do you have to put that name to it for it to\u2014for it to make sense?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, as simple as: \u201cAnd the truth\u2026\u201d\u2014not sort of a modulation of the truth \/ not a near-truth\u2014but \u201c\u2026the TRUTH [emphasis added] will set you free!\u201d Is that true in a relationship with Jesus? Yes! The <em>truth<\/em> of what He has done for us \/ the <em>truth<\/em> of what He does for us today\u2014all that! But why not talk about <em>truth<\/em> about the nature of life? To the degree we deny the nature of what is true about life, our hearts are not going to be as free as they\u2019re meant to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if we soften and anesthetize the past, you\u2019re saying that something stays bottled up there that\u2014that keeps us in bondage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Dan:<\/strong> What we know about the brain, for example, is that the reality of what has been suffered does not go away\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it doesn\u2019t. It continues to affect your ability to handle emotions \/ your ability to relate to others\u2014even your own sense of joy will be <em>affected<\/em> by things that have happened 20, 30, 40 years ago. We\u2019ve also learned that the more that you engage that harm, your brain literally\u2014I mean, <em>literally<\/em>\u2014rewires itself. So we are part of the renewal\u2014of what, in Greek, is called <em>arnus<\/em>\u2014but the brain \/ the mind needs to be changed. We think of that usually as only that <em>thinking<\/em> portion of our brain; but we were meant to change the <em>whole<\/em> brain\u2014which includes images, and the right hemisphere, and includes the way that our limbic system responds to the world with anger or withdrawal. We are meant to be renewed and restored.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got an observation and a question for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe title of your book, I think, kind of foretells what you\u2019re talking about here\u2014in order for there to be healing, you have to admit there\u2019s been a wounding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, that really causes me to go all the way back upstream and ask you the question. Give us a working definition of what sexual abuse is in our culture\u2014so go back to the definition: \u201cWhat is the definition of it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Whenever a child or an adult, who has more power than you, introduces you into a sexual experience that is not under your control \/ not your choice, you have the dynamic of sexual abuse. The question of: \u201cWhen was your first experience with pornography?\u201d Very few people just kind of land on a magazine that\u2019s in the street, pick it up, and see something that they\u2019ve never seen before. Often \/ far more, you are <em>led<\/em> into pornography by an older\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and even a peer \/ but an older, wiser child\u2014<em>wiser<\/em> meaning sophisticated. That introduction is not just random\u2014they were doing so for their own pleasure of bringing you into that. Whether there was any other sexual contact in that process, it is a form of sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what a ten-year-old boy says to an eight-year-old boy: \u201cCome here. I want to show you something on the computer.\u201d You\u2019re saying that ten-year-old boy has just sexually abused the eight-year-old boy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely. It is the same dynamic of: \u201cYou\u2019ve been groomed \/ you\u2019ve been invited into pleasure or to an experience of\u2014of erotic engagement.\u201d You didn\u2019t choose that and it\u2019s now the part of the world\u2014your eyes \/ your body. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can imagine\u2014if an eight-year-old boy looks at that and goes: \u201cThis is contrary to the will of God. This is not what my mom and dad have trained me to desire or engage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe problem is the relationship between that ten and eight-year-old is already strong enough that the eight-year-old doesn\u2019t want to offend or lose the relationship. So they comply or they endure, but they\u2019re also intrigued \/ they\u2019re also somewhat aroused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the thing that\u2014I remember the first time we talked about this\u2014that I\u2019d never put together until I heard you explain this. Imagine that eight-year-old boy looking at that picture on the computer. You said two things are happening simultaneously\u2014there\u2019s something in his conscience that says, \u201cThis is shameful,\u201d \/ there\u2019s something in his body that says, \u201cThis is delightful.\u201d Those two things are happening simultaneously. He has shame and delight attached to this experience\u2014 that\u2019s now a part of his soul\u2014that he carries with him for the rest of his life. Whatever future sexual experiences he has\u2014even in marriage, 30 years later\u2014there\u2019s some sense of both shame and delight happening, at the same time; and he\u2019s not sure where all that came from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right. That initial spark\u2014you must know that the kingdom of darkness <em>loves<\/em> trauma. It anticipates trauma, and it\u2019s going to be blowing on those embers to create a fire. So that one event is not going to be singular. In most occasions, it\u2019s going to now be in my mind, it\u2019s going to be in my dreams, it\u2019s going to be in my interactions with my eight-year-old and ten-year-old peers. Where\u2019s it going to go? Evil is so patient \/ so pernicious; but in that, it will flame, always, those sexual designs and desires. Shame and contempt is the language of the kingdom of darkness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking to Dr. Dan Allender, who has written a book called <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em>\u2014that is a follow-up to a book he wrote, more than 25 years ago, called <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hear you saying in this that just about everybody in our culture today has experienced sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Let\u2019s put it\u2014this bluntly: \u201cEveryone\u2019s been sexually violated to some degree.\u201d It also says that: \u201cMany of us have sexually-harmed other individuals.\u201d This is an issue where evil is going to work to bring shame from being a victim or from being one who has brought about harm to another\u2014to a point where we don\u2019t talk about it, and then, we shelve it. As a result, it continues to linger in our body and in our heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Dan, I\u2019m just reflecting on what\u2019s taking place in the culture\u2014because a couple of nights ago, I spoke to about 60 young adults, for the most part. I spoke about what\u2019s happening\u2014the assault on marriage and family today, both spiritually and culturally. A couple of things I mentioned\u2014I talked a good bit about pornography \/ I also talked about the hookup culture. What we\u2019re talking about here is a culture that is spinning out of control\u2014that\u2019s impacting our lives \/ that is trying to prey upon our children and grandchildren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just seems like: \u201cWow! What the \u2018good ole\u2019 days looked like, back when you wrote the original book\u2014today is \/ is <em>catastrophic<\/em> in terms of the damage being done to young people today!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> If you think that it is average\u2014that it is fourth grade that our young nine-year-olds and ten-year-olds are first encountering pornography\u2014and not the kind of pornography that we might have been acquainted with what is so-called soft-porn like <em>Playboy<\/em>. We\u2019re talking about the kind of pornography that would have been the XXX and beyond\u2014available, digitally, at fourth grade\u2014that\u2019s the average age that it begins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So it isn\u2019t a matter of <em>if<\/em> your son is going to be exposed by the time he graduates from high school\u2014it is a matter of how early, how soon, and how much he sees\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or <em>she<\/em> sees\u2014because now, there are a number of women\/young ladies who are getting hooked on this as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> The research would indicate that about 89 percent of men are encountering or have encountered pornography, and it\u2019s about 72 percent that women\u2014so the range is just \/ only a slight difference in terms of women and men both being confronted \/ being put in the position of being violated by those initial experiences. Often, those initial ones are the context of abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to talk to you about how we deal with this personally, but I\u2019m just curious: \u201cDo you think a culture can get to where we are and ever get back from where we are?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I do\u2014I do believe. I wouldn\u2019t be doing this without something of the heart of writing on behalf of my grandchildren; and I would not be willing to continue to do this until the day I die\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u2014if I didn\u2019t believe that individuals, and families, and a culture can eventually come to see: \u201cThis is madness!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and the madness of it\u2014here\u2019s the thing that gets me\u2014parents can do their job, and do it well. They can protect their children, in their homes, from the screens that would serve up pictures that are enticing and take them to a place they\u2019ve never been before and images they\u2019ve never seen; but what you can\u2019t control\u2014as a parent in this culture\u2014are all the other children who have screens in their pockets and screens in their backpacks to say, \u201cHey, take a look at this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking back to a conversation I had with one of my sons when he was\u2014I think in the eighth grade \/ maybe ninth grade. He was having lunch one day in the English room and was eating his sack lunch. A couple of guys brought a <em>Playboy<\/em> up front, and put it on the teacher\u2019s desk, and were looking at it. They said: \u201cHey, Ben! Hey\u2014come look at this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat\u2019d you do, son?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, I took my sandwich, I wrapped it up in the paper, put it back in the sack, and I walked out of the room.\u201d Yes; and I remember standing in our kitchen\u2014and, it was like we\u2019d won the Super Bowl. I cheered him \/ I said, \u201cWay to go!! That\u2019s absolutely awesome!!\u201d Had he told me something different, hopefully, I would have been a father of grace to have said: \u201cWell, let\u2019s talk about that, son, if you did look, and how that\u2019d impact you,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s continue to talk about images like that and what that does to you, as a man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan, we\u2019ve got to engage in this with our children; don\u2019t we? This silence is, I think, going to be used by the enemy to destroy a generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> We can\u2019t wait until adolescence, which was the pattern I operated with my own children\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201411, 12, 13 was where we began these long, several-year conversations about sexuality\u2014but it \/ you\u2019ve got to begin in a world that is out to harm your children. If you\u2019re not comfortable, because of your own history\u2014either of harm to yourself or others \/ you bear shame, you bear confusion, you are afraid\u2014well, I\u2019m sorry! This is a burning house; and somebody\u2019s got to run in, truly, to engage the fact that there will be death if you do not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As I was preparing for our broadcast today, I just kept thinking of this passage\u2014Bob knows I have quoted this several times; here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. It\u2019s at the conclusion of Paul\u2019s letter to the church at Rome. In chapter 16, verse 19, he says, \u201cFor your obedience is known to all; so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I think, as a parent or as a grandparent, we have to be appropriately preparing and warning our children for the evil they are going to be facing multiple times as young people, but certainly, over their lifetimes. Proverbs, Chapters 5-7 is talking about a woman \/ a prostitute luring a young man into her bedroom. It\u2019s not just for 18-year-olds. These discussions, as you said Dan, have to start young; and they need to continue all the way into adulthood and beyond. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have a lot of resources available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center that speak to the preventive side that help parents know how you can have the kinds of appropriate conversations with your child at various ages and stages of their development around sexual identity \/ around what\u2019s appropriate behavior\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014helping you walk through that whole journey with your son or your daughter. I\u2019m thinking about things like <em>Passport to Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and <em>Passport to Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>, past <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>radio programs, articles we have available online, other books and resources that are available. All of those can help a parent with an intentional proactive strategy when it comes to dealing with your child\u2019s sexuality. In fact, I\u2019d encourage parents to check out Justin Holcomb\u2019s book, <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, which is designed to be read aloud to young children to help them understand how to protect your body from sexual harm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those who are now adults and have experienced sexual abuse as a part of their childhood, we have copies of the new edition of Dan Allender\u2019s book, <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em>, along with the <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em> workbook that Dan has put together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the updated version that we\u2019ve been recommending, for more than two decades, to folks who have had sexual abuse as a part of their experience, growing up. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on the resources we have available. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order, online, if you\u2019d like. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have been sharing with our listeners over the last weeks about a special opportunity that was made available to us, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. We had some friends recently who came and said, \u201cWe know that summertime is a particularly challenging time of year for ministries like <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em>\u201d\u2014there\u2019s often a decrease in donation response for ministries, like ours, during the summer. They wanted to help us out\u2014they wanted to get us into summer in a good position. They agreed that, during the month of May, they would match every donation we receive, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $350,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, tomorrow is the end of the month. If you have considered making a donation to <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, or maybe this is the first time you\u2019re hearing about the matching-gift opportunity, would you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making an online donation, right now, so that we can make sure that your donation unlocks for us the matching funds that are available to us? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate online or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. If you mail your check to us\u2014as long as it\u2019s in the mail by tomorrow, it\u2019s still eligible for the matching funds. Mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for your help and for your partnership with us, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we wrap up today, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to our friends, Pastor Curtis and Donna Mathis, who live in Seven Points, Texas. They are celebrating 35 years together today\u2014so \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to Curtis and Donna. Hope you enjoy your anniversary celebration today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope all of you can be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the issue of childhood sexual abuse with Dr. Dan Allender.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.99M"],"filesize_raw":["24104229"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304018.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304018.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Allender reminds listeners that in order for there to be healing from sexual abuse, the victim must acknowledge there's been a wounding. Admitting the truth is the first step to freedom.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible says that we are to forget the things that lie behind. Dr. Dan Allender says, when it comes to the experience of childhood sexual abuse, the experience may be in your past; but the ramifications of that experience are still very much with you today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I think there is a kind of Christian worldview, at times, that says: \u201cDon\u2019t look at the past.\u201d Look, it is hard \/ it\u2019s unpleasant\u2014so many years ago\u2014but it\u2019s still in your brain \/ it\u2019s still affecting your way of relating to others. At some point, you\u2019re going to have the courage to look back\u2014open your eyes and begin to name, really, the unspeakable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How do we find healing and press on when we\u2019ve experienced the shame and the pain of childhood sexual abuse? We\u2019re going to explore that today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. I looked back, before we started today, just to see how long it had been\u2014in the very first year that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> was on the air, one of the first interviews we did was with our guest today. It\u2019s one of the few interviews we\u2019ve ever done by telephone; but back in those days, we didn\u2019t have any money to fly anybody to Little Rock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. You\u2019re talking, of course, of our friend, Dr. Dan Allender, who joins us again, now for the tenth time, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, Dan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Dennis \/ Bob\u2014just a delight, always, to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Would you like us to leave? Tell the truth. Would you like Bob and me to leave and just have you take over the broadcast?\u2014because it\u2019s either that or, I think, we\u2019re going to have to start charging you rent for being here. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>Look\u2014look, I love being able to talk about my work; but being with the two of you\u2014aw\u2014come on! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, if you don\u2019t recognize that voice or that name\u2014Dr. Allender is one of <em>the<\/em> leading experts \/ if not <em>the<\/em> leader in the whole area of sexual abuse. That first interview we did, Bob, was Dan\u2019s book, <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>. How many did that go on to sell, Dan?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Dan:<\/strong> About a half-million. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Unbelievable. It really has been used by God in a lot of people\u2019s lives to bring healing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and in fact, we speak about this subject briefly at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Obviously we can\u2019t unpack the issue for a couple in the few minutes that we have to talk about it, but we point people routinely to <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em> because it is <em>the<\/em> resource\u2014it has been <em>the<\/em> resource for more than two decades\u2014to help people deal with this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about this subject today\u2014obviously, a sensitive subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan you have jumped back into this topic, not to replace what you\u2019ve done, but to add to what you\u2019ve already done in speaking on the issue of sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> A number of years ago,Becky, my wife, said, \u201cLook, you have learned a great deal.\u201d As much as we both appreciate what I was able to accomplish, as a 36-year-old, writing <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>, she said, \u201cYou really need to do a 25-year retrospective and to take the material that you\u2019ve learned\u2026\u201d\u2014things that we now know about the brain \/ things I know now about spiritual abuse and the issues of what evil\u2019s doing in the midst of sexual abuse. There are just things that needed to be highlighted again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As a result, you wrote this book, <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em>. In fact, the last time you and I were together, we went fishing. You were talking about how many pages that this was going to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This really is a separate work from the original book, <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> It overlaps; but it\u2019s enough different to say, \u201cLook, after being in a field for a few decades, you better have learned a whole lot.\u201d That needed to be, again, reengaged with those who have histories of abuse or who are in relationship with people who have been violated in that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You addressed the subject the first time in <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>, not just because it was of clinical interest to you, but because it\u2019s a part of your past.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> The strange thing, of course, is I was four or five chapters in before I actually came to admit that I had sexual abuse in my own life. That\u2019s part of the reality for <em>many<\/em> who have been abused. They may know\u2014or they may not know\u2014but naming it \/ just simply saying, \u201cI am a victim of past sexual harm,\u201d opens up a horrible initial vista; but indeed; over seasons; will open the heart to very significant change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So when you say you started writing a book, and you were four or five chapters in before you named what had happened to you, was this a memory that emerged or was it just something that you were keeping so off to the side that you wouldn\u2019t point to it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I\u2019ve worked with people; for example, a sex crimes detective, who told me that she\u2019d been molested by her uncle. I said, \u201cWhen did he sexually abuse you?\u201d And she looked at me and she said, \u201cI\u2014I was never sexually abused.\u201d We use words to escape reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn one sense, I <em>knew<\/em> there were sexually-shaming, violating events; but even in the ability to teach it, I had not applied the very truth to my own life. A good friend heard me teach and asked if I had ever been abused. I said, \u201cNo\u201d; and then he asked again, \u201cHad you ever been sexually shamed \/ ever sexually used by another person?\u201d I answered very quickly, \u201cWell, of course!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then he asked me to begin to name those moments. As I did, the tears, streaming down his face, said, \u2018\u201dAre you really saying you\u2019ve never been sexually abused?\u201d I, at that point, said, \u201cNo.\u201d He pressed again; and at that moment\u2014who knows how the Spirit works\u2014but the veil was rent; and I literally had to say out loud, \u201cI have been sexually abused.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s hard for some to hear that it is possible that you could be teaching, thinking, writing, and never make that application to your own life; but that\u2019s how powerful shame is\u2014to be able to numb you to the reality of what you suffered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m actually hearing you name, I guess, two\u2014not extremes\u2014but two reasons why we\u2014we can\u2019t name it. Number one: we\u2019re na\u00efve. We just naively look at our past and maybe brush it away as something that happened but don\u2019t want to think that it was significant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is that we\u2019re really ashamed and we want to bury it. We don\u2019t want to have to deal with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely! And in that naivet\u00e9, I think there\u2019s a kind of Christian worldview, at times, that says: \u201cDon\u2019t look at the past.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> \u201cOnly look forward to the high maturity of the call of following Christ.\u201d Indeed, we are to do that; but not with pretending that the past is never really the past\u2014it\u2019s actually being lived out in our lives today. That ability to name\u2014look, it\u2019s hard \/ it\u2019s unpleasant\u2014so many years ago\u2014but it\u2019s still in your body \/ it\u2019s still in your brain\u2014it\u2019s still affecting your way of relating to others. At some point, you\u2019re going to need to have the courage to look back\u2014open your eyes and begin to name, really, the unspeakable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why is it so important\u2014in your case, you acknowledged you were sexually violated. Your friend said she was molested. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy is it so important that you say, \u201cThat was abuse\u201d? Why do you have to put that name to it for it to\u2014for it to make sense?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, as simple as: \u201cAnd the truth\u2026\u201d\u2014not sort of a modulation of the truth \/ not a near-truth\u2014but \u201c\u2026the TRUTH [emphasis added] will set you free!\u201d Is that true in a relationship with Jesus? Yes! The <em>truth<\/em> of what He has done for us \/ the <em>truth<\/em> of what He does for us today\u2014all that! But why not talk about <em>truth<\/em> about the nature of life? To the degree we deny the nature of what is true about life, our hearts are not going to be as free as they\u2019re meant to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if we soften and anesthetize the past, you\u2019re saying that something stays bottled up there that\u2014that keeps us in bondage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Dan:<\/strong> What we know about the brain, for example, is that the reality of what has been suffered does not go away\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it doesn\u2019t. It continues to affect your ability to handle emotions \/ your ability to relate to others\u2014even your own sense of joy will be <em>affected<\/em> by things that have happened 20, 30, 40 years ago. We\u2019ve also learned that the more that you engage that harm, your brain literally\u2014I mean, <em>literally<\/em>\u2014rewires itself. So we are part of the renewal\u2014of what, in Greek, is called <em>arnus<\/em>\u2014but the brain \/ the mind needs to be changed. We think of that usually as only that <em>thinking<\/em> portion of our brain; but we were meant to change the <em>whole<\/em> brain\u2014which includes images, and the right hemisphere, and includes the way that our limbic system responds to the world with anger or withdrawal. We are meant to be renewed and restored.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got an observation and a question for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe title of your book, I think, kind of foretells what you\u2019re talking about here\u2014in order for there to be healing, you have to admit there\u2019s been a wounding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, that really causes me to go all the way back upstream and ask you the question. Give us a working definition of what sexual abuse is in our culture\u2014so go back to the definition: \u201cWhat is the definition of it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Whenever a child or an adult, who has more power than you, introduces you into a sexual experience that is not under your control \/ not your choice, you have the dynamic of sexual abuse. The question of: \u201cWhen was your first experience with pornography?\u201d Very few people just kind of land on a magazine that\u2019s in the street, pick it up, and see something that they\u2019ve never seen before. Often \/ far more, you are <em>led<\/em> into pornography by an older\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and even a peer \/ but an older, wiser child\u2014<em>wiser<\/em> meaning sophisticated. That introduction is not just random\u2014they were doing so for their own pleasure of bringing you into that. Whether there was any other sexual contact in that process, it is a form of sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what a ten-year-old boy says to an eight-year-old boy: \u201cCome here. I want to show you something on the computer.\u201d You\u2019re saying that ten-year-old boy has just sexually abused the eight-year-old boy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely. It is the same dynamic of: \u201cYou\u2019ve been groomed \/ you\u2019ve been invited into pleasure or to an experience of\u2014of erotic engagement.\u201d You didn\u2019t choose that and it\u2019s now the part of the world\u2014your eyes \/ your body. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can imagine\u2014if an eight-year-old boy looks at that and goes: \u201cThis is contrary to the will of God. This is not what my mom and dad have trained me to desire or engage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe problem is the relationship between that ten and eight-year-old is already strong enough that the eight-year-old doesn\u2019t want to offend or lose the relationship. So they comply or they endure, but they\u2019re also intrigued \/ they\u2019re also somewhat aroused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the thing that\u2014I remember the first time we talked about this\u2014that I\u2019d never put together until I heard you explain this. Imagine that eight-year-old boy looking at that picture on the computer. You said two things are happening simultaneously\u2014there\u2019s something in his conscience that says, \u201cThis is shameful,\u201d \/ there\u2019s something in his body that says, \u201cThis is delightful.\u201d Those two things are happening simultaneously. He has shame and delight attached to this experience\u2014 that\u2019s now a part of his soul\u2014that he carries with him for the rest of his life. Whatever future sexual experiences he has\u2014even in marriage, 30 years later\u2014there\u2019s some sense of both shame and delight happening, at the same time; and he\u2019s not sure where all that came from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right. That initial spark\u2014you must know that the kingdom of darkness <em>loves<\/em> trauma. It anticipates trauma, and it\u2019s going to be blowing on those embers to create a fire. So that one event is not going to be singular. In most occasions, it\u2019s going to now be in my mind, it\u2019s going to be in my dreams, it\u2019s going to be in my interactions with my eight-year-old and ten-year-old peers. Where\u2019s it going to go? Evil is so patient \/ so pernicious; but in that, it will flame, always, those sexual designs and desires. Shame and contempt is the language of the kingdom of darkness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking to Dr. Dan Allender, who has written a book called <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em>\u2014that is a follow-up to a book he wrote, more than 25 years ago, called <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hear you saying in this that just about everybody in our culture today has experienced sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Let\u2019s put it\u2014this bluntly: \u201cEveryone\u2019s been sexually violated to some degree.\u201d It also says that: \u201cMany of us have sexually-harmed other individuals.\u201d This is an issue where evil is going to work to bring shame from being a victim or from being one who has brought about harm to another\u2014to a point where we don\u2019t talk about it, and then, we shelve it. As a result, it continues to linger in our body and in our heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Dan, I\u2019m just reflecting on what\u2019s taking place in the culture\u2014because a couple of nights ago, I spoke to about 60 young adults, for the most part. I spoke about what\u2019s happening\u2014the assault on marriage and family today, both spiritually and culturally. A couple of things I mentioned\u2014I talked a good bit about pornography \/ I also talked about the hookup culture. What we\u2019re talking about here is a culture that is spinning out of control\u2014that\u2019s impacting our lives \/ that is trying to prey upon our children and grandchildren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just seems like: \u201cWow! What the \u2018good ole\u2019 days looked like, back when you wrote the original book\u2014today is \/ is <em>catastrophic<\/em> in terms of the damage being done to young people today!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> If you think that it is average\u2014that it is fourth grade that our young nine-year-olds and ten-year-olds are first encountering pornography\u2014and not the kind of pornography that we might have been acquainted with what is so-called soft-porn like <em>Playboy<\/em>. We\u2019re talking about the kind of pornography that would have been the XXX and beyond\u2014available, digitally, at fourth grade\u2014that\u2019s the average age that it begins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So it isn\u2019t a matter of <em>if<\/em> your son is going to be exposed by the time he graduates from high school\u2014it is a matter of how early, how soon, and how much he sees\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or <em>she<\/em> sees\u2014because now, there are a number of women\/young ladies who are getting hooked on this as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> The research would indicate that about 89 percent of men are encountering or have encountered pornography, and it\u2019s about 72 percent that women\u2014so the range is just \/ only a slight difference in terms of women and men both being confronted \/ being put in the position of being violated by those initial experiences. Often, those initial ones are the context of abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to talk to you about how we deal with this personally, but I\u2019m just curious: \u201cDo you think a culture can get to where we are and ever get back from where we are?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I do\u2014I do believe. I wouldn\u2019t be doing this without something of the heart of writing on behalf of my grandchildren; and I would not be willing to continue to do this until the day I die\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u2014if I didn\u2019t believe that individuals, and families, and a culture can eventually come to see: \u201cThis is madness!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and the madness of it\u2014here\u2019s the thing that gets me\u2014parents can do their job, and do it well. They can protect their children, in their homes, from the screens that would serve up pictures that are enticing and take them to a place they\u2019ve never been before and images they\u2019ve never seen; but what you can\u2019t control\u2014as a parent in this culture\u2014are all the other children who have screens in their pockets and screens in their backpacks to say, \u201cHey, take a look at this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking back to a conversation I had with one of my sons when he was\u2014I think in the eighth grade \/ maybe ninth grade. He was having lunch one day in the English room and was eating his sack lunch. A couple of guys brought a <em>Playboy<\/em> up front, and put it on the teacher\u2019s desk, and were looking at it. They said: \u201cHey, Ben! Hey\u2014come look at this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat\u2019d you do, son?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, I took my sandwich, I wrapped it up in the paper, put it back in the sack, and I walked out of the room.\u201d Yes; and I remember standing in our kitchen\u2014and, it was like we\u2019d won the Super Bowl. I cheered him \/ I said, \u201cWay to go!! That\u2019s absolutely awesome!!\u201d Had he told me something different, hopefully, I would have been a father of grace to have said: \u201cWell, let\u2019s talk about that, son, if you did look, and how that\u2019d impact you,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s continue to talk about images like that and what that does to you, as a man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan, we\u2019ve got to engage in this with our children; don\u2019t we? This silence is, I think, going to be used by the enemy to destroy a generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> We can\u2019t wait until adolescence, which was the pattern I operated with my own children\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201411, 12, 13 was where we began these long, several-year conversations about sexuality\u2014but it \/ you\u2019ve got to begin in a world that is out to harm your children. If you\u2019re not comfortable, because of your own history\u2014either of harm to yourself or others \/ you bear shame, you bear confusion, you are afraid\u2014well, I\u2019m sorry! This is a burning house; and somebody\u2019s got to run in, truly, to engage the fact that there will be death if you do not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As I was preparing for our broadcast today, I just kept thinking of this passage\u2014Bob knows I have quoted this several times; here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. It\u2019s at the conclusion of Paul\u2019s letter to the church at Rome. In chapter 16, verse 19, he says, \u201cFor your obedience is known to all; so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I think, as a parent or as a grandparent, we have to be appropriately preparing and warning our children for the evil they are going to be facing multiple times as young people, but certainly, over their lifetimes. Proverbs, Chapters 5-7 is talking about a woman \/ a prostitute luring a young man into her bedroom. It\u2019s not just for 18-year-olds. These discussions, as you said Dan, have to start young; and they need to continue all the way into adulthood and beyond. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have a lot of resources available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center that speak to the preventive side that help parents know how you can have the kinds of appropriate conversations with your child at various ages and stages of their development around sexual identity \/ around what\u2019s appropriate behavior\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014helping you walk through that whole journey with your son or your daughter. I\u2019m thinking about things like <em>Passport to Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and <em>Passport to Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>, past <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>radio programs, articles we have available online, other books and resources that are available. All of those can help a parent with an intentional proactive strategy when it comes to dealing with your child\u2019s sexuality. In fact, I\u2019d encourage parents to check out Justin Holcomb\u2019s book, <em>God Made All of Me<\/em>, which is designed to be read aloud to young children to help them understand how to protect your body from sexual harm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those who are now adults and have experienced sexual abuse as a part of their childhood, we have copies of the new edition of Dan Allender\u2019s book, <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em>, along with the <em>Healing the Wounded Heart<\/em> workbook that Dan has put together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the updated version that we\u2019ve been recommending, for more than two decades, to folks who have had sexual abuse as a part of their experience, growing up. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on the resources we have available. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order, online, if you\u2019d like. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have been sharing with our listeners over the last weeks about a special opportunity that was made available to us, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. We had some friends recently who came and said, \u201cWe know that summertime is a particularly challenging time of year for ministries like <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em>\u201d\u2014there\u2019s often a decrease in donation response for ministries, like ours, during the summer. They wanted to help us out\u2014they wanted to get us into summer in a good position. They agreed that, during the month of May, they would match every donation we receive, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $350,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, tomorrow is the end of the month. If you have considered making a donation to <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, or maybe this is the first time you\u2019re hearing about the matching-gift opportunity, would you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making an online donation, right now, so that we can make sure that your donation unlocks for us the matching funds that are available to us? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate online or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. If you mail your check to us\u2014as long as it\u2019s in the mail by tomorrow, it\u2019s still eligible for the matching funds. Mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for your help and for your partnership with us, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we wrap up today, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to our friends, Pastor Curtis and Donna Mathis, who live in Seven Points, Texas. They are celebrating 35 years together today\u2014so \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to Curtis and Donna. Hope you enjoy your anniversary celebration today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope all of you can be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the issue of childhood sexual abuse with Dr. Dan Allender.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304018","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304018"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304018"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304018"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304018"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304018"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304018"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304018"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}