{"id":304012,"date":"2016-05-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-05-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-fruit-of-love\/"},"modified":"2016-05-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-05-25T15:00:00","slug":"the-fruit-of-love","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-fruit-of-love\/","title":{"rendered":"The Fruit of Love"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Marriage wasn&#8217;t going well for Michael and Hayley DiMarco. Then Hayley studied the fruit of the Spirit as promised in Galatians 5:22-23, and realized she wasn&#8217;t tapping into the power available to her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.78M","filesize_raw":"23891735","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2831],"tags":[2990,4808,4902,2877],"podcast_series":[7992],"cwp_profile":[3373],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304012","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wives","tag-anger","tag-becoming-a-christian","tag-disappointment","tag-marriage","podcast_series-the-fruitful-wife","cwp_profile-michael-and-hayley-dimarco","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304012\/the-fruit-of-love","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304012\/the-fruit-of-love","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"YwMJxkFZrZ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-fruit-of-love\/\">The Fruit of Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-fruit-of-love\/embed\/#?secret=YwMJxkFZrZ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Fruit of Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"YwMJxkFZrZ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Michael and Hayley DiMarco join us today as we talk about what it looks like for a wife to be a Spirit-filled, fruitful wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. Were you surprised about the broken plates? I mean, you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s where I wanted to start. You and I have been working together too long, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to go to the basement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We know this couple pretty well, and I was just really a little taken aback.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Only with a pair of friends could we begin a broadcast by asking Hayley DiMarco to tell us: \u201cTake us to the basement. Take us there\u201d; alright? [Laughter] This is your most honest book, I think, yet; don\u2019t you agree?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Well, yes; I guess. They are all honest; but this one is just like\u2014you know, it\u2019s all about me\u2014whew!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The basement is pretty raw. The book is <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>. You\u2019re going to wonder what a basement has to do with a fruitful wife; but this is kind of\u2014well, take us there. What happened in\u2014what happened in the basement? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can we let folks know Michael is here as well? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s here too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He manages\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hey, Michael. How you doing today? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the publishing company, The Hungry Planet that Hayley founded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I\u2019m just arm candy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re what?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A milk dud. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Just forget it. Edit that out. No; instead of a basement, you can call it a fruit cellar. How about that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I like that! So take us to the fruit cellar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> It\u2019s more exotic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe the deeds cellar; huh? [Laughter] There was a lot of good fruit taking place in this basement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> No. Yes; that\u2019s right\u2014rotten fruit. That was the description of really, at least, our first year of marriage\u2014at least, the first year. It was <em>rotten<\/em> fruit. I mean, we did not know how to live with another person\u2014certainly, not someone that was that close to us. I had <em>no clue<\/em>. So, we had a hard time getting along as far as not arguing. We would have many, many debates\u2014we\u2019ll call them. They would end in just: \u201cI have never felt like this before.\u201d I just wanted to hit something\u2014\u2014that\u2019s not normal for me. So, I thought, \u201cWhat do I do with all this anger, and frustration, and bitterness?\u201d Literally, I\u2019m saying this in front of Michael. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I brought out the best in her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes; poor man. But I wanted an annulment: \u201cHow does this end? This is horrible!\u201d So, to handle that, we both came up with our own kind of ways because we don\u2019t believe that. We believe we are married for a reason. So, we said, \u201cThere\u2019s got to be something we can do.\u201d So, my solution was to go to the thrift store and buy those cheap\u2014$1\/ 30 cent, whatever\u2014plates.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would take them\u2014yes\u2014down to the fruit cellar and stack them up. When we\u2019d have our arguments, I would stomp down there and pick those things up and just hock them at the wall because it\u2019s all stone. I felt so <em>good<\/em>\u2014I\u2019d like [sound of flinging plate]\u2014it would break all over and \u201cWoo!\u201d I\u2019ll say this to a lot to women; and they say: \u201cOh! I hadn\u2019t thought of that.\u201d They want to run out and get plates. I say: \u201cThat\u2019s not my point! That\u2019s not the point of this.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis is not how you deal with this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> No! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith your anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u201cThis is the <em>bad<\/em>\u2014this is the <em>bad<\/em> idea that I had!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hayley, you said the first year of your marriage was horrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How long into your marriage before you thought, \u201cThis is going to be harder than I thought.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Honeymoon is when we figured that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Honeymoon? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Oh, the honeymoon\u2014let\u2019s just say I had these ideas about what marriage was. Just so people can get the picture of what my ideas were\u2014and many people laugh at this so feel free to laugh\u2014I thought that marriage meant that I would get a massage every day, that I would have a shopping partner that would go and help me try on clothes and would love to cook with me. Basically, I thought I was going to get a girlfriend I guess. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> We were going to do each others\u2019 hair. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Hold it! Where did you get both of those ideas to begin with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Chick flicks\u2014I don\u2019t know; right? That\u2019s just like the perfect man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Okay; so I had a <em>lot<\/em> of ideas and one of them was we were going to elope. We were going to go to this tropical island, which we did, and have this perfect little elopement wedding. We get there\u2014Michael has saved up all this mileage and all these hotel points for us to get this suite. We get up there and it\u2019s overlooking the McDonald<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s parking lot rather than the <em>beach<\/em>, which is what I came for. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Wrong side. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I was looking at the little bitty room across the hall\u2014which I could see the maid setting up\u2014with this beautiful view of the blue ocean. I was like: \u201cOh! That is\u2014I\u2019ll take that room!\u201d Anyway, that started off with my just\u2014I mean, all this to say\u2014I was just self-obsessed of what I thought life should be\u2014the perfect romantic picture. So, it started that way. I tried to swallow that; although, I don\u2019t think I did. Michael can probably say what I was like\u2014my face just dropped. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, he\u2019s starting out the whole thing, thinking: \u201cWhat am I? This woman is un-pleasable.\u201d Then, he had to go find a place where we could have the wedding because the beach at the hotel was too\u2014that\u2019s where I thought we were going to do it, and everybody could see us\u2014I was like: \u201cOh! I don\u2019t want that!\u201d So, he had to go find us a beach. So, yes, I\u2019m just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Hayley does not have a poker face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u2014a charmer; aren\u2019t I?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Hayley does not have a poker face. If she\u2019s disappointed, it is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Easy to read. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Oh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You knew her well enough to know that this was a part of what you were getting into? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> You know\u2014like when the rollercoaster\u2014you get on it and it has to tote you up to the highest peak?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tick, tick, tick. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> On that climb, you have an inkling of the drop, and the twists, and turns, and the G-forces that are about to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> That was kind of\u2014I think we were both like, \u201cOkay, was I tall enough for this ride?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u201cWhat was I thinking?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You actually kind of came through your honeymoon wondering if you\u2019d made a mistake. You mentioned it, under your breath,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that you considered an annulment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I just knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that was who I was supposed to marry. I didn\u2019t necessarily like it, even before, over\u2014a lot of spiritual issues. I was an author. We were discussing spiritual topics. We would debate, and I had a lot of growth ahead of me I didn\u2019t see coming. He was\u2014I believe he was put there to help me get there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know it\u2019s hard for a lot of women to have a man come in and say, \u201cOkay, there are some things about you that need to change,\u201d but I love God enough to say, \u201cI want that!\u201d I did not like the fights; but I knew that, at the ultimate end of that, was death to self that I needed in my life\u2014to have more of Christ in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Most of the books you\u2019ve written have been aimed at young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book, <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>, is really aimed at your peer group\u2014wives. And you take\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to correct that. It\u2019s aimed at selfish people. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> That\u2019s our peer group too! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> It\u2019s everyone. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s all about the fruit of the Spirit being manifest in a wife\u2019s life. I\u2019m guessing that you came to this subject because, over the years you\u2019ve been married, you\u2019ve seen God at work, producing fruit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Actually, what happened was\u2014I started to look\u2014I don\u2019t know how it came to me\u2014but we\u2019ll just saying it was during one day of study when I looked at Galatians 5:22 that listed the nine fruit. As I started to look at those fruit\u2014love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control\u2014I looked at each one. I said: \u201cLove\u2014don\u2019t got it. Joy\u2014uh-uh. Peace\u2014definitely not.\u201d I went through the list, and I found kindness: \u201cOkay, that\u2019s pretty easy. I\u2019m not mean. I\u2019m not a mean person. So, I\u2019ve got kindness! Is that good enough? Is that displaying the Spirit in me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy answer was\u2014after looking at verses\/a lot of things Jesus said\u2014I started to get scared. I\u2019m like: \u201cAhhh! You can tell a tree by its fruit. What kind of tree am I?\u201d It started to <em>bother<\/em> me. I started to say: \u201cIs this something that is available to <em>everyone<\/em>, or do we pick and choose? Do we only get a part of them? Do I really have to live my life without those other eight, and I only get one; or does God want us to have <em>all<\/em> of those? Is all of that fruit available, and not only available, but commanded? Is it part of our life, as disciples?\u201d So, my answer was: \u201cYes! I am meant to have this fruit, and I want to do something about that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jesus says to His disciples in John 14:16\u2014He says, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s really to your advantage that I go away.\u201d Now, that has to be a pretty startling statement. The Son of God \/ God in flesh says, \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s good that I\u2019m going to leave you because, when I leave, I\u2019m going to send to you One who will, not just be with you, but <em>in<\/em> you; that is, the Holy Spirit \/ the Helper.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s really what you\u2019re tapping into, here, for a married couple\u2014is learning how to tap into the Holy Spirit\u2019s work in your soul so you can begin to manifest the fruit you described: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and so forth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I\u2019m just curious because you said you did a self-analysis, and you got one of nine. I\u2019m thinking to myself: \u201cYou\u2019re just being hard on yourself. You\u2019re just being self-critical.\u201d I want to ask\u2014I want to ask the eye witness. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to know! Would you say that\u2014of the nine fruit of love, joy, peace, patience...\u2014that, \u201cYes, kindness was there, but the rest were lacking\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> No, she is scoring herself far too generously\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014because\u2014and she testifies to this,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014in the book, that even her understanding of <em>kindness<\/em> was askew. How about that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat what she thought was kind was treating other people how she would like to be treated instead of how they\u2019d like to be treated. So, really, in the book, she talks about that she was 0 for 9. But the thing was\u2014was I was 0 for 9 as well. So, she was difficult to live with; but just as difficult as I was because we were both going down this road together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I\u2019m just curious because, if Mary Ann was here \/ if my wife was here, and we were talking about my self-analysis, there would be some on the list that she would say are worse than others. Let\u2019s just be honest. Most of us can look at this list and say: \u201cI\u2019m a B-minus here. I\u2019m a D-plus there.\u201d Which of the nine was at the bottom of the list? Where were you flunking out? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I hate to say this, but I think anybody that\u2019s missing any of these is the first one. It\u2019s love because love, as we looked at the love verse everyone reads at the wedding\u20141 Corinthians 13\u2014that verse, as you go through it, includes every other fruit in it, except self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is patient. Love is kind...\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> So, you see that, without love, you are a clanging cymbal. I don\u2019t believe that any of those other fruit can flow until we understand what love is. That\u2019s the biggest and most important, I think, issue that we could spend decades on\u2014you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things you talk about in the chapter where you do discuss love is you have \u201cConfessions of a Selfish Woman.\u201d I\u2019d like you to read it because I think this is where we, ultimately, have to come to in our marriages if we are going to get love right. We have to understand who we are and our need for God to do a work in our soul to create real love for another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> And I will add too\u2014I want to say that this isn\u2019t just for women. I mean, this is <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>; but this fruit is necessary for all of us\u2014married\/unmarried, male\/female. So, I think we could all probably relate to this\u2014whoever is listening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I took it that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am not good at loving anyone but myself. I\u2019m always my first thought, my first purpose. Even before my own child, I think of myself. It\u2019s not natural for me to love others first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019m not suggesting that I have arrived; or that I am selfless\u2014quite the opposite. So, it\u2019s a daily reckoning that I must do\u2014reminding myself of God\u2019s love for me and the love that He wants me to give to others as a way to, not only love them, but Him as well. May we all learn to turn our minds to the love of God, daily, so that we may love others the same way that He has loved us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019d be some who would hear you make that confession\u2014and they would say, \u201cYou know, it sounds like\u2014you\u2019ve got a self-esteem issue here, Hayley.\u201d [Laughter] You know what I\u2019m saying? They\u2019d say: \u201cYou just\u2014you must have a negative self-image. I mean, you are too hard on yourself with all of this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> [Laughter] Well, man, I could talk for days on that topic too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that all of us need to recognize what sin is, and how desperately far away we are from the Father, and how far we are away from His perfection <em>and<\/em> from the love that He gives us. I think it\u2019s natural \/ it\u2019s human nature for us to think about ourselves. That\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when we identify it, and we can confess it like that, then, we draw much closer to what true love is. Self-esteem is something I don\u2019t even think about or broach the subject in my own life because, when it comes to the topic of self, I want to die to that flesh in me. I want to die to the self in me that separates me from God. The more I can confess, and be real, and <em>honest<\/em>\u2014because if we\u2019re all honest\u2014we do think of ourselves first, even when it comes to loving others. Many of us\u2014we love others; why? So, they will love us back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. And we have to go to the Scriptures, I think, to get a proper view of what love is. Hayley, I love how you wrote about this\u2014you said, \u201cThe opposite of love isn\u2019t hate. It\u2019s\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u201c\u2014selfishness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a lot of people would say\u2014I ask people everywhere I speak, \u201cWhat\u2019s the opposite of love?\u201d I hear, \u201cHate.\u201d To that, I say: \u201cWell, if we consider hate to be the opposite of love, then, it\u2019s very easy for us to say: \u2018Well, I don\u2019t <em>hate<\/em> him. I must be loving because I don\u2019t <em>hate<\/em> the person.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the truth be told is that we can\u2019t love others as long as we\u2019re focused on <em>self<\/em>. If you look at that verse on love\u2014the big verse on love in 1 Corinthians 13\u2014you see that: \u201cLove is patient; love is kind...\u201d\u2014it doesn\u2019t have to do with self. It has to do with <em>dying<\/em> to self \/ dying to this need to catch someone because they did something wrong, with keeping track of what they did wrong, with attacking them because you are impatient. It is the opposite of self. It\u2019s <em>dying<\/em> to self and showing grace and kindness to those that bother us, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When a wife is not flourishing in love in a marriage, what happens in the marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s\u2014not only a question of what happens in the marriage but what happens in the home\u2014the wife is, oftentimes, in those situations, the emotional leader, I think, in the marriage and in the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe takes a stand\u2014we can take a stand, emotionally, because we <em>feel<\/em> it so deeply\u2014that we define everyone else\u2019s life by that. It becomes chaos in the home. If you have a man that feels like he is incapable of leading\u2014that she\u2019s not allowing him\u2014I believe it starts with that idea of her understanding what love is. So, I think it\u2019s the foundation of it all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there a breakthrough for you or was it a gradual, progressive work of God\u2019s Spirit to awaken you to what love is? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I had a breakthrough moment, I recall, at a conference\u2014hearing just about love. I was taught what love was\u2014looking at this verse. For me, the biggest was that\u2014when I realized that love wasn\u2019t just a <em>feeling<\/em>. A lot of us\u2014we hear that all the time: \u201cLove\u2019s not a feeling. It\u2019s an action.\u201d But I heard that, in the context of Scripture, when I heard God commanding us to love our enemies. I thought: \u201cWell, sometimes, I feel like he\u2019s my enemy; and yet, God\u2019s calling me to love. So, love can\u2019t be how I <em>feel <\/em>about him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can be very easy, in marriage, to say: \u201cWell, I just don\u2019t feel it anymore. I don\u2019t feel love for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cSo, I\u2019m done.\u201d But if love is not a feeling, then, that doesn\u2019t matter. We have to be able to\u2014we have to be able to put that aside and say, \u201cIt\u2019s not about how I <em>feel<\/em>, but it\u2019s about what God has commanded and what God wants from me.\u201d Because He has commanded it\u2014because He\u2019s asked us to love others\u2014His Holy Spirit allows us\/helps us to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe breakthrough for me was saying: \u201cGod is not cruel. He\u2019s not trying to make me do something that\u2019s impossible; rather, He\u2019s pointing to His Holy Spirit, saying: \u2018You can\u2019t do this without Me. I am the One that can help this in your life, in your marriage, and everywhere else.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Michael, Bob started the broadcast by tossing you a question\u2014where I kind of figured you end up, sleeping in the dog house\u2014[Laughter]\u2014asking you to measure your wife in each of the nine different fruit of the Holy Spirit. I\u2019m going to give you a chance to move your location tonight from where the puppy stays\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I\u2019m a dog person. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014back to the penthouse; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you\u2019ve seen the Holy Spirit\u2019s work in Hayley\u2019s life, how have you seen Him create love for <em>you<\/em> through her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> She was talking about her breakthrough. I think, really, for me, it was a supernatural realization that, when I did things or said things that were worthy and deserving of her wrath, and she didn\u2019t respond in kind\u2014that was supernatural. That was\u2014especially, from the first year or so of our marriage\u2014that was supernatural change. That was Holy Spirit movement in our home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you used to duck when she threw [Laughter]\u2014when she threw the plates? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> No, I was usually over at my punching bag, in the other corner of the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, I had forgotten about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014of the cellar; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, it was cheaper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when she starts\u2014not responding evil for evil\u2014when you do something that is wrath-worthy, as you said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and she does not respond with that wrath, but returns a blessing or is kind instead, what did that do to you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well, it turned the volume down in the room\u2014figuratively and literally. I can\u2019t explain it other than to say it allowed me to hear the Holy Spirit convict me and change <em>me<\/em> because for\u2014she alluded to it. I really do think, in most marriages, the woman sets the initial emotional tone of the home. The old saying: \u201cIf momma ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> And that\u2019s true. But if momma is happy in the Lord\u2014if momma is abiding in Christ, and walking in the Spirit, and is showing that selflessness that really defines love\u2014then, it swings the doors wide open for a man to take a leadership role in the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and I know I\u2019ve seen this happen with\u2014in my relationship with Mary Ann. If we are both being selfish and childish, then, we kind of both feel vindicated in our selfishness and childishness because the other person is doing that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when the other person quits, your selfishness and childishness is just kind of hanging out there for everybody to see; and you start to feel it. You start to feel just how selfish and childish you are being when the other person isn\u2019t playing the same game. That\u2019s where that conviction, as you talked about, I think, starts to come in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I want our listeners to hear is that the fruit of the Spirit\u2014that is the one we are talking about today\u2014which is love\u2014that\u2019s available to you, right now. Now, that doesn\u2019t mean you are instantly going to grow perfect love\u2014pop out of\u2014like an orange would pop off of a tree, fully ready to be harvested\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but it does mean that the Holy Spirit will produce, in you, a different response\u2014like Michael described that he\u2019d seen in Hayley. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just for authors of books\/hosts of radio broadcasts. It\u2019s for anyone who has placed their faith in Jesus Christ because it\u2019s clear\u2014when you receive Christ, you are given the Holy Spirit. He\u2019s not just with you\u2014He\u2019s <em>in<\/em> you. He\u2019s there at work to be able to\u2014I hate to say it \/ \u201cmanufacture\u201d\u2014but to grow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to grow love in your soul for your spouse in those tough moments, where all of us live life, because we\u2019re all selfish and we all need His work to be able to defeat that selfishness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s helpful for all of us to take a season, and do some self-evaluation, and just say: \u201cIs the work of the Spirit being manifest in my life? Am I seeing fruit happen?\u201d and, \u201cIf not, why not?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the point is\u2014you don\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019ve got to try harder.\u201d You say: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get closer to Jesus. I\u2019ve got to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. I\u2019ve got to be spiritually-minded, and I\u2019ve got to let the Word of Christ dwell in me richly.\u201d That\u2019s what you are saying, Hayley, in the book that you\u2019ve written, <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>, which, I think, is a good tool for self-examination for any wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book\u2014again, the website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com. Or you can call, toll-free, at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d We can get a copy of Hayley\u2019s book sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention that your wife Barbara has a new book out for wives called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. It would be a great companion to the book that Hayley has written. Of course, we\u2019ve got Barbara\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we have a couple of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners\u2014a couple of couples who are celebrating anniversaries today. They live on opposite sides of the country. Chuck and Jean Bryan live in Asheville, North Carolina. They\u2019re celebrating 31 years together today. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at WMIT. Then, out in Colorado, Gerald and Heather Stanton live in Franktown, Colorado. Today is their silver wedding anniversary\u2014they\u2019ve been married 25 years today. So \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Bryans and to the Stantons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries matter\u2014we think your anniversary matters. That\u2019s why we are spending our 40th anniversary year, as a ministry, thinking about all of the anniversaries that have happened because of your partnership with us, here in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you support this work, you\u2019re helping us help couples go the distance in marriage\u2014and not just persevere\u2014but go the distance with joy and with hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, we\u2019ve got some friends of the ministry who have come to us\u2014and recognizing it\u2019s our 40th anniversary year and recognizing that it\u2019s about to be the summertime, when there\u2019s often a fall-off in donation support for this ministry\u2014they have agreed that, for the rest of this month, they will match every donation we receive, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $350,000. Of course, we\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of that matching-gift opportunity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo would you consider, right now, going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making an online donation?\u2014or calling 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone? Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, every donation you make is matched, dollar for dollar. We just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for your support. We appreciate your partnership with us, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you will join us back again tomorrow. Michael and Hayley DiMarco are going to be here. We\u2019re going to find out a little bit more about how they relate to one another in the midst of marital conflict and what it looks like for Hayley to be displaying the fruit of the Spirit when she\u2019s not seeing, eye to eye, with her husband. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.78M"],"filesize_raw":["23891735"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304012.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304012.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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wasn't going well for Michael and Hayley DiMarco. Then Hayley studied the fruit of the Spirit as promised in Galatians 5:22-23, and realized she wasn't tapping into the power available to her.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Michael and Hayley DiMarco join us today as we talk about what it looks like for a wife to be a Spirit-filled, fruitful wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. Were you surprised about the broken plates? I mean, you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s where I wanted to start. You and I have been working together too long, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to go to the basement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We know this couple pretty well, and I was just really a little taken aback.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Only with a pair of friends could we begin a broadcast by asking Hayley DiMarco to tell us: \u201cTake us to the basement. Take us there\u201d; alright? [Laughter] This is your most honest book, I think, yet; don\u2019t you agree?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Well, yes; I guess. They are all honest; but this one is just like\u2014you know, it\u2019s all about me\u2014whew!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The basement is pretty raw. The book is <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>. You\u2019re going to wonder what a basement has to do with a fruitful wife; but this is kind of\u2014well, take us there. What happened in\u2014what happened in the basement? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can we let folks know Michael is here as well? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s here too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He manages\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hey, Michael. How you doing today? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the publishing company, The Hungry Planet that Hayley founded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I\u2019m just arm candy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re what?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A milk dud. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Just forget it. Edit that out. No; instead of a basement, you can call it a fruit cellar. How about that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I like that! So take us to the fruit cellar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> It\u2019s more exotic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe the deeds cellar; huh? [Laughter] There was a lot of good fruit taking place in this basement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> No. Yes; that\u2019s right\u2014rotten fruit. That was the description of really, at least, our first year of marriage\u2014at least, the first year. It was <em>rotten<\/em> fruit. I mean, we did not know how to live with another person\u2014certainly, not someone that was that close to us. I had <em>no clue<\/em>. So, we had a hard time getting along as far as not arguing. We would have many, many debates\u2014we\u2019ll call them. They would end in just: \u201cI have never felt like this before.\u201d I just wanted to hit something\u2014\u2014that\u2019s not normal for me. So, I thought, \u201cWhat do I do with all this anger, and frustration, and bitterness?\u201d Literally, I\u2019m saying this in front of Michael. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I brought out the best in her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes; poor man. But I wanted an annulment: \u201cHow does this end? This is horrible!\u201d So, to handle that, we both came up with our own kind of ways because we don\u2019t believe that. We believe we are married for a reason. So, we said, \u201cThere\u2019s got to be something we can do.\u201d So, my solution was to go to the thrift store and buy those cheap\u2014$1\/ 30 cent, whatever\u2014plates.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would take them\u2014yes\u2014down to the fruit cellar and stack them up. When we\u2019d have our arguments, I would stomp down there and pick those things up and just hock them at the wall because it\u2019s all stone. I felt so <em>good<\/em>\u2014I\u2019d like [sound of flinging plate]\u2014it would break all over and \u201cWoo!\u201d I\u2019ll say this to a lot to women; and they say: \u201cOh! I hadn\u2019t thought of that.\u201d They want to run out and get plates. I say: \u201cThat\u2019s not my point! That\u2019s not the point of this.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis is not how you deal with this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> No! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith your anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u201cThis is the <em>bad<\/em>\u2014this is the <em>bad<\/em> idea that I had!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hayley, you said the first year of your marriage was horrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How long into your marriage before you thought, \u201cThis is going to be harder than I thought.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Honeymoon is when we figured that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Honeymoon? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Oh, the honeymoon\u2014let\u2019s just say I had these ideas about what marriage was. Just so people can get the picture of what my ideas were\u2014and many people laugh at this so feel free to laugh\u2014I thought that marriage meant that I would get a massage every day, that I would have a shopping partner that would go and help me try on clothes and would love to cook with me. Basically, I thought I was going to get a girlfriend I guess. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> We were going to do each others\u2019 hair. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Hold it! Where did you get both of those ideas to begin with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Chick flicks\u2014I don\u2019t know; right? That\u2019s just like the perfect man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Okay; so I had a <em>lot<\/em> of ideas and one of them was we were going to elope. We were going to go to this tropical island, which we did, and have this perfect little elopement wedding. We get there\u2014Michael has saved up all this mileage and all these hotel points for us to get this suite. We get up there and it\u2019s overlooking the McDonald<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s parking lot rather than the <em>beach<\/em>, which is what I came for. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Wrong side. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I was looking at the little bitty room across the hall\u2014which I could see the maid setting up\u2014with this beautiful view of the blue ocean. I was like: \u201cOh! That is\u2014I\u2019ll take that room!\u201d Anyway, that started off with my just\u2014I mean, all this to say\u2014I was just self-obsessed of what I thought life should be\u2014the perfect romantic picture. So, it started that way. I tried to swallow that; although, I don\u2019t think I did. Michael can probably say what I was like\u2014my face just dropped. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, he\u2019s starting out the whole thing, thinking: \u201cWhat am I? This woman is un-pleasable.\u201d Then, he had to go find a place where we could have the wedding because the beach at the hotel was too\u2014that\u2019s where I thought we were going to do it, and everybody could see us\u2014I was like: \u201cOh! I don\u2019t want that!\u201d So, he had to go find us a beach. So, yes, I\u2019m just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Hayley does not have a poker face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u2014a charmer; aren\u2019t I?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Hayley does not have a poker face. If she\u2019s disappointed, it is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Easy to read. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Oh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You knew her well enough to know that this was a part of what you were getting into? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> You know\u2014like when the rollercoaster\u2014you get on it and it has to tote you up to the highest peak?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tick, tick, tick. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> On that climb, you have an inkling of the drop, and the twists, and turns, and the G-forces that are about to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> That was kind of\u2014I think we were both like, \u201cOkay, was I tall enough for this ride?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u201cWhat was I thinking?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You actually kind of came through your honeymoon wondering if you\u2019d made a mistake. You mentioned it, under your breath,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that you considered an annulment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I just knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that was who I was supposed to marry. I didn\u2019t necessarily like it, even before, over\u2014a lot of spiritual issues. I was an author. We were discussing spiritual topics. We would debate, and I had a lot of growth ahead of me I didn\u2019t see coming. He was\u2014I believe he was put there to help me get there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know it\u2019s hard for a lot of women to have a man come in and say, \u201cOkay, there are some things about you that need to change,\u201d but I love God enough to say, \u201cI want that!\u201d I did not like the fights; but I knew that, at the ultimate end of that, was death to self that I needed in my life\u2014to have more of Christ in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Most of the books you\u2019ve written have been aimed at young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book, <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>, is really aimed at your peer group\u2014wives. And you take\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to correct that. It\u2019s aimed at selfish people. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> That\u2019s our peer group too! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> It\u2019s everyone. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s all about the fruit of the Spirit being manifest in a wife\u2019s life. I\u2019m guessing that you came to this subject because, over the years you\u2019ve been married, you\u2019ve seen God at work, producing fruit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Actually, what happened was\u2014I started to look\u2014I don\u2019t know how it came to me\u2014but we\u2019ll just saying it was during one day of study when I looked at Galatians 5:22 that listed the nine fruit. As I started to look at those fruit\u2014love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control\u2014I looked at each one. I said: \u201cLove\u2014don\u2019t got it. Joy\u2014uh-uh. Peace\u2014definitely not.\u201d I went through the list, and I found kindness: \u201cOkay, that\u2019s pretty easy. I\u2019m not mean. I\u2019m not a mean person. So, I\u2019ve got kindness! Is that good enough? Is that displaying the Spirit in me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy answer was\u2014after looking at verses\/a lot of things Jesus said\u2014I started to get scared. I\u2019m like: \u201cAhhh! You can tell a tree by its fruit. What kind of tree am I?\u201d It started to <em>bother<\/em> me. I started to say: \u201cIs this something that is available to <em>everyone<\/em>, or do we pick and choose? Do we only get a part of them? Do I really have to live my life without those other eight, and I only get one; or does God want us to have <em>all<\/em> of those? Is all of that fruit available, and not only available, but commanded? Is it part of our life, as disciples?\u201d So, my answer was: \u201cYes! I am meant to have this fruit, and I want to do something about that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jesus says to His disciples in John 14:16\u2014He says, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s really to your advantage that I go away.\u201d Now, that has to be a pretty startling statement. The Son of God \/ God in flesh says, \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s good that I\u2019m going to leave you because, when I leave, I\u2019m going to send to you One who will, not just be with you, but <em>in<\/em> you; that is, the Holy Spirit \/ the Helper.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s really what you\u2019re tapping into, here, for a married couple\u2014is learning how to tap into the Holy Spirit\u2019s work in your soul so you can begin to manifest the fruit you described: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and so forth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I\u2019m just curious because you said you did a self-analysis, and you got one of nine. I\u2019m thinking to myself: \u201cYou\u2019re just being hard on yourself. You\u2019re just being self-critical.\u201d I want to ask\u2014I want to ask the eye witness. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to know! Would you say that\u2014of the nine fruit of love, joy, peace, patience...\u2014that, \u201cYes, kindness was there, but the rest were lacking\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> No, she is scoring herself far too generously\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014because\u2014and she testifies to this,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014in the book, that even her understanding of <em>kindness<\/em> was askew. How about that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat what she thought was kind was treating other people how she would like to be treated instead of how they\u2019d like to be treated. So, really, in the book, she talks about that she was 0 for 9. But the thing was\u2014was I was 0 for 9 as well. So, she was difficult to live with; but just as difficult as I was because we were both going down this road together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I\u2019m just curious because, if Mary Ann was here \/ if my wife was here, and we were talking about my self-analysis, there would be some on the list that she would say are worse than others. Let\u2019s just be honest. Most of us can look at this list and say: \u201cI\u2019m a B-minus here. I\u2019m a D-plus there.\u201d Which of the nine was at the bottom of the list? Where were you flunking out? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I hate to say this, but I think anybody that\u2019s missing any of these is the first one. It\u2019s love because love, as we looked at the love verse everyone reads at the wedding\u20141 Corinthians 13\u2014that verse, as you go through it, includes every other fruit in it, except self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is patient. Love is kind...\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> So, you see that, without love, you are a clanging cymbal. I don\u2019t believe that any of those other fruit can flow until we understand what love is. That\u2019s the biggest and most important, I think, issue that we could spend decades on\u2014you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things you talk about in the chapter where you do discuss love is you have \u201cConfessions of a Selfish Woman.\u201d I\u2019d like you to read it because I think this is where we, ultimately, have to come to in our marriages if we are going to get love right. We have to understand who we are and our need for God to do a work in our soul to create real love for another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> And I will add too\u2014I want to say that this isn\u2019t just for women. I mean, this is <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>; but this fruit is necessary for all of us\u2014married\/unmarried, male\/female. So, I think we could all probably relate to this\u2014whoever is listening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I took it that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am not good at loving anyone but myself. I\u2019m always my first thought, my first purpose. Even before my own child, I think of myself. It\u2019s not natural for me to love others first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019m not suggesting that I have arrived; or that I am selfless\u2014quite the opposite. So, it\u2019s a daily reckoning that I must do\u2014reminding myself of God\u2019s love for me and the love that He wants me to give to others as a way to, not only love them, but Him as well. May we all learn to turn our minds to the love of God, daily, so that we may love others the same way that He has loved us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019d be some who would hear you make that confession\u2014and they would say, \u201cYou know, it sounds like\u2014you\u2019ve got a self-esteem issue here, Hayley.\u201d [Laughter] You know what I\u2019m saying? They\u2019d say: \u201cYou just\u2014you must have a negative self-image. I mean, you are too hard on yourself with all of this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> [Laughter] Well, man, I could talk for days on that topic too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that all of us need to recognize what sin is, and how desperately far away we are from the Father, and how far we are away from His perfection <em>and<\/em> from the love that He gives us. I think it\u2019s natural \/ it\u2019s human nature for us to think about ourselves. That\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when we identify it, and we can confess it like that, then, we draw much closer to what true love is. Self-esteem is something I don\u2019t even think about or broach the subject in my own life because, when it comes to the topic of self, I want to die to that flesh in me. I want to die to the self in me that separates me from God. The more I can confess, and be real, and <em>honest<\/em>\u2014because if we\u2019re all honest\u2014we do think of ourselves first, even when it comes to loving others. Many of us\u2014we love others; why? So, they will love us back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. And we have to go to the Scriptures, I think, to get a proper view of what love is. Hayley, I love how you wrote about this\u2014you said, \u201cThe opposite of love isn\u2019t hate. It\u2019s\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u201c\u2014selfishness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a lot of people would say\u2014I ask people everywhere I speak, \u201cWhat\u2019s the opposite of love?\u201d I hear, \u201cHate.\u201d To that, I say: \u201cWell, if we consider hate to be the opposite of love, then, it\u2019s very easy for us to say: \u2018Well, I don\u2019t <em>hate<\/em> him. I must be loving because I don\u2019t <em>hate<\/em> the person.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the truth be told is that we can\u2019t love others as long as we\u2019re focused on <em>self<\/em>. If you look at that verse on love\u2014the big verse on love in 1 Corinthians 13\u2014you see that: \u201cLove is patient; love is kind...\u201d\u2014it doesn\u2019t have to do with self. It has to do with <em>dying<\/em> to self \/ dying to this need to catch someone because they did something wrong, with keeping track of what they did wrong, with attacking them because you are impatient. It is the opposite of self. It\u2019s <em>dying<\/em> to self and showing grace and kindness to those that bother us, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When a wife is not flourishing in love in a marriage, what happens in the marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s\u2014not only a question of what happens in the marriage but what happens in the home\u2014the wife is, oftentimes, in those situations, the emotional leader, I think, in the marriage and in the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe takes a stand\u2014we can take a stand, emotionally, because we <em>feel<\/em> it so deeply\u2014that we define everyone else\u2019s life by that. It becomes chaos in the home. If you have a man that feels like he is incapable of leading\u2014that she\u2019s not allowing him\u2014I believe it starts with that idea of her understanding what love is. So, I think it\u2019s the foundation of it all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there a breakthrough for you or was it a gradual, progressive work of God\u2019s Spirit to awaken you to what love is? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> I had a breakthrough moment, I recall, at a conference\u2014hearing just about love. I was taught what love was\u2014looking at this verse. For me, the biggest was that\u2014when I realized that love wasn\u2019t just a <em>feeling<\/em>. A lot of us\u2014we hear that all the time: \u201cLove\u2019s not a feeling. It\u2019s an action.\u201d But I heard that, in the context of Scripture, when I heard God commanding us to love our enemies. I thought: \u201cWell, sometimes, I feel like he\u2019s my enemy; and yet, God\u2019s calling me to love. So, love can\u2019t be how I <em>feel <\/em>about him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can be very easy, in marriage, to say: \u201cWell, I just don\u2019t feel it anymore. I don\u2019t feel love for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cSo, I\u2019m done.\u201d But if love is not a feeling, then, that doesn\u2019t matter. We have to be able to\u2014we have to be able to put that aside and say, \u201cIt\u2019s not about how I <em>feel<\/em>, but it\u2019s about what God has commanded and what God wants from me.\u201d Because He has commanded it\u2014because He\u2019s asked us to love others\u2014His Holy Spirit allows us\/helps us to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe breakthrough for me was saying: \u201cGod is not cruel. He\u2019s not trying to make me do something that\u2019s impossible; rather, He\u2019s pointing to His Holy Spirit, saying: \u2018You can\u2019t do this without Me. I am the One that can help this in your life, in your marriage, and everywhere else.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Michael, Bob started the broadcast by tossing you a question\u2014where I kind of figured you end up, sleeping in the dog house\u2014[Laughter]\u2014asking you to measure your wife in each of the nine different fruit of the Holy Spirit. I\u2019m going to give you a chance to move your location tonight from where the puppy stays\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I\u2019m a dog person. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014back to the penthouse; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you\u2019ve seen the Holy Spirit\u2019s work in Hayley\u2019s life, how have you seen Him create love for <em>you<\/em> through her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> She was talking about her breakthrough. I think, really, for me, it was a supernatural realization that, when I did things or said things that were worthy and deserving of her wrath, and she didn\u2019t respond in kind\u2014that was supernatural. That was\u2014especially, from the first year or so of our marriage\u2014that was supernatural change. That was Holy Spirit movement in our home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you used to duck when she threw [Laughter]\u2014when she threw the plates? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> No, I was usually over at my punching bag, in the other corner of the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, I had forgotten about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014of the cellar; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, it was cheaper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when she starts\u2014not responding evil for evil\u2014when you do something that is wrath-worthy, as you said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and she does not respond with that wrath, but returns a blessing or is kind instead, what did that do to you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well, it turned the volume down in the room\u2014figuratively and literally. I can\u2019t explain it other than to say it allowed me to hear the Holy Spirit convict me and change <em>me<\/em> because for\u2014she alluded to it. I really do think, in most marriages, the woman sets the initial emotional tone of the home. The old saying: \u201cIf momma ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> And that\u2019s true. But if momma is happy in the Lord\u2014if momma is abiding in Christ, and walking in the Spirit, and is showing that selflessness that really defines love\u2014then, it swings the doors wide open for a man to take a leadership role in the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and I know I\u2019ve seen this happen with\u2014in my relationship with Mary Ann. If we are both being selfish and childish, then, we kind of both feel vindicated in our selfishness and childishness because the other person is doing that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when the other person quits, your selfishness and childishness is just kind of hanging out there for everybody to see; and you start to feel it. You start to feel just how selfish and childish you are being when the other person isn\u2019t playing the same game. That\u2019s where that conviction, as you talked about, I think, starts to come in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I want our listeners to hear is that the fruit of the Spirit\u2014that is the one we are talking about today\u2014which is love\u2014that\u2019s available to you, right now. Now, that doesn\u2019t mean you are instantly going to grow perfect love\u2014pop out of\u2014like an orange would pop off of a tree, fully ready to be harvested\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but it does mean that the Holy Spirit will produce, in you, a different response\u2014like Michael described that he\u2019d seen in Hayley. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just for authors of books\/hosts of radio broadcasts. It\u2019s for anyone who has placed their faith in Jesus Christ because it\u2019s clear\u2014when you receive Christ, you are given the Holy Spirit. He\u2019s not just with you\u2014He\u2019s <em>in<\/em> you. He\u2019s there at work to be able to\u2014I hate to say it \/ \u201cmanufacture\u201d\u2014but to grow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to grow love in your soul for your spouse in those tough moments, where all of us live life, because we\u2019re all selfish and we all need His work to be able to defeat that selfishness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s helpful for all of us to take a season, and do some self-evaluation, and just say: \u201cIs the work of the Spirit being manifest in my life? Am I seeing fruit happen?\u201d and, \u201cIf not, why not?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the point is\u2014you don\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019ve got to try harder.\u201d You say: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get closer to Jesus. I\u2019ve got to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. I\u2019ve got to be spiritually-minded, and I\u2019ve got to let the Word of Christ dwell in me richly.\u201d That\u2019s what you are saying, Hayley, in the book that you\u2019ve written, <em>The Fruitful Wife<\/em>, which, I think, is a good tool for self-examination for any wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book\u2014again, the website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com. Or you can call, toll-free, at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d We can get a copy of Hayley\u2019s book sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention that your wife Barbara has a new book out for wives called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. It would be a great companion to the book that Hayley has written. Of course, we\u2019ve got Barbara\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we have a couple of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners\u2014a couple of couples who are celebrating anniversaries today. They live on opposite sides of the country. Chuck and Jean Bryan live in Asheville, North Carolina. They\u2019re celebrating 31 years together today. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at WMIT. Then, out in Colorado, Gerald and Heather Stanton live in Franktown, Colorado. Today is their silver wedding anniversary\u2014they\u2019ve been married 25 years today. So \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Bryans and to the Stantons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnniversaries matter\u2014we think your anniversary matters. That\u2019s why we are spending our 40th anniversary year, as a ministry, thinking about all of the anniversaries that have happened because of your partnership with us, here in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you support this work, you\u2019re helping us help couples go the distance in marriage\u2014and not just persevere\u2014but go the distance with joy and with hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, we\u2019ve got some friends of the ministry who have come to us\u2014and recognizing it\u2019s our 40th anniversary year and recognizing that it\u2019s about to be the summertime, when there\u2019s often a fall-off in donation support for this ministry\u2014they have agreed that, for the rest of this month, they will match every donation we receive, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $350,000. Of course, we\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of that matching-gift opportunity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo would you consider, right now, going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making an online donation?\u2014or calling 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone? Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, every donation you make is matched, dollar for dollar. We just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for your support. We appreciate your partnership with us, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you will join us back again tomorrow. Michael and Hayley DiMarco are going to be here. We\u2019re going to find out a little bit more about how they relate to one another in the midst of marital conflict and what it looks like for Hayley to be displaying the fruit of the Spirit when she\u2019s not seeing, eye to eye, with her husband. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304012","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304012"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304012"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304012"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304012"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304012"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304012"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304012"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}