{"id":303990,"date":"2016-05-10T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-05-10T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/eliminating-competition\/"},"modified":"2016-05-10T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-05-10T15:00:00","slug":"eliminating-competition","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/eliminating-competition\/","title":{"rendered":"Eliminating Competition"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Meg Meeker asserts that kids mostly just want their mother&#8217;s time and attention, so moms should relax and leave the competition to others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-10.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.76M","filesize_raw":"23863159","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[6003,5048,4087,6002],"podcast_series":[7871],"cwp_profile":[3187],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303990","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-declutter","tag-motherhood","tag-mothers","tag-simplify-your-life","podcast_series-the-10-habits-of-happy-mothers","cwp_profile-meg-meeker","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303990\/eliminating-competition","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303990\/eliminating-competition","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"mqyI2exwaY\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/eliminating-competition\/\">Eliminating Competition<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/eliminating-competition\/embed\/#?secret=mqyI2exwaY\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Eliminating Competition&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"mqyI2exwaY\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-10.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-10.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you\u2019re a mom, God has established what ought to be your priorities. Dr. Meg Meeker says, \u201cIn our culture today, that list has been amplified by a factor of six\/seven,\u201d\u2014maybe more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>The list for mothers\u2014on the areas of their lives where they need to attain perfection\u2014is overwhelming. They need to act like perfect mothers. They need to be patient, and calm, and kind. They need to pray enough. They need to lose weight. They need to exercise. They need to have a job outside the home \/ they need to not have a job outside the home. No matter what mother you talk to, she\u2019s never getting it right; and the list of what He wants us to be for our kids is <em>so small<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Dr. Meg Meeker is going to help you, today, realign your priorities as a mom. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Do you know, Bob\u2014this the first time, in over 19 years of doing this broadcast, we\u2019ve ever had a guest refer to you and me as eye candy? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I called you eye candy \/ she called me eye candy. So, you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014I\u2019m not sure\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014exactly what to make of that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I want you to know, Meg\u2014you are the first. I promise you, \u201cI\u2019m going to rat on you and tell Barbara\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Okay!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cwhen I go home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to get a button made that\u2014\u201cI am eye candy\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, eye candy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014just wear it around the office. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201c\u2026for a radio show\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014make sure you put that on there. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Dr. Meg Meeker joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Meg, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Thank you for having me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She is the author of a new book, <em>10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and<\/em>\u2014the last word I love\u2014<em>Sanity<\/em> \/ sanity. [Laughter] Meg is a pediatrician. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s practiced for more than 20 years. She has four children. She and her husband Walter have been married for more than 30 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the habits you talk about in your book is that of eliminating competition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you explain what you mean by that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Oh, sure! As we talked about, in our earlier show, women are <em>fiercely<\/em> competitive\u2014mothers, in particular. We are very competitive with ourselves, but we\u2019re particularly competitive when it comes to our kids. We want our child to edge out that other child. This, ultimately, harms <em>us<\/em>, it harms our kids, and it hurts our friendships as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I think over the past 20 years\u2014I think the competitive spirit between mothers has escalated <em>enormously<\/em>. Again, I think it\u2019s just a very unhealthy thing because it drives us in a direction\u2014it shapes our parenting\u2014it causes us to make decisions over what to do with our kids that aren\u2019t always in their kids\u2019 best interests. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, we even know this in our gut. You know\u2014it\u2019s against trusting the instincts again; but we do it because we believe we need to do it in order to keep kids competitive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook at the popularity of the book, <em>The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother<\/em>, with Amy Chua. Everybody raced out to get the book because, here, this Yale professor at Law School was telling everybody they need to higher their expectations of their kids, which in many ways I agree with. However, she said, \u201cIf you really want to raise high- performing kids\u2014the kind that look like mine\u2014here\u2019s how you do it.\u201d I think it was that competitiveness and that competitive spirit that drove people to want to read a lot about that book. So, you know, there you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Meg, what do you think is driving that?\u00a0 Is it ego?\u00a0 Is it living out our lives through our children? Ultimately, what\u2019s taking place here?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, I think it is ego. I think that, many times, mothers have figured out, \u201cWhere does my value, as a mom, come from?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve sort of figured\u2014we\u2019ve been taught that our value is to produce these <em>fabulous<\/em> kids, who are high-performers \/ who are high-achievers. Moms feel like that and dads feel like that as well. That\u2019s why you\u2019ve got the soccer moms and the soccer dads screaming, on the sidelines, at the kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInterestingly, the fastest-growing sport amongst boys, I believe, is skateboarding because there\u2019s no parental involvement\u2014it is fun \/ they just like it. Baseball, hockey\u2014those kinds of things\u2014because, definitely, our egos\u2014we\u2019re working them out through our kids\u2019 successes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here is the danger\u2014\u2014when we, as moms, define <em>our<\/em> value and worth through the success of our kids, where does that take us?\u00a0 It takes us and our kids to a very bad place because, if our kids fail, well, then, we fail. So, we work very, very, very, very hard to not let our kids experience failure because we don\u2019t want to experience failure. Then, that child feels, \u201cWell, I can\u2019t fail.\" They pick up on this\u2014that: \u201cI am this sort of marionette that is being run by my parents. I need to dance perfectly.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t tell you how many kids tell me they can\u2019t stop skiing, they can\u2019t stop ice skating, they can\u2019t stop playing soccer because \u201cIt means so much to my mom and to my dad.\u201d Unfortunately, kids start to feel that\u2019s the only way they get attention and love\u2014is by their parents watching them. You get this really vicious cycle going. It really stems from this competitiveness that we feel. That, again, I believe is fed by two things\u2014our ego\u2014we want \/ our value is through our kids\u2014but also fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe push our kids because we are afraid not to because, again, that\u2019s stepping out of the mold. That\u2019s taking our kids in a different direction. If we don\u2019t have faith that God will give us strong guidance in that direction, then, we live in fear. We are too afraid to go there: \u201cWhat will happen to my child if I pull them out?\u00a0 What will happen to my child if I\u2014God forbid\u2014have him do no extracurricular activities for three months of his life?\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s un-American!\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is where that fear comes in. It\u2019s that competitiveness that is rooted in fear and rooted in our egos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Our daughter, Ashley, first-born, tried out for cheerleader and failed. I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014we felt exactly what you\u2019re talking about here. I mean, I watched my wife\u2014this was a big deal because she\u2019d been helping her do the cheers and do it all. Now, there were some strange circumstances that occurred that Ashley ended up making the squad after all; but in that two- or three-day period, where she had failed and hadn\u2019t made the team\u2014I want to tell you\u2014it was kind of a gut-check time, for us as parents, to say: \u201cWait a second!\u00a0 What\u2019s this all about here?\u00a0 Is it living our lives out through our daughter or not?\" It was healthy. Failure really can be a very instructive teacher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I want to ask you about that. If I were to take you back to the time when your kids were still young, and I were to ask you, in the middle of that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you\u2019re a pediatrician, you\u2019ve got your practice, you\u2019re raising your kids\u2014if I had said, \u201cWould you give yourself a mostly passing grade, as a mom? Or would you say, \u2018I\u2019m failing as often as I\u2019m passing\u2019?\" How would you have answered it back then; do you think?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I probably would have said, \u201cI\u2019m failing as much as I\u2019m passing,\u201d because I think that I was so worried about being a good mom. One of the lies that I bought into, as a young mom, is that I really <em>felt<\/em> that it was my job to keep our kids happy at all times. Keeping our kids happy means making sure they\u2019re never bored, making sure they don\u2019t fail, making sure they\u2019re not frightened, making sure they\u2019re not bullied, making sure they\u2019re not crying. You know what I\u2019m saying. Probably, every mother out there goes: \u201cYes, yes, yes. I\u2019ve got a longer list than you do.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Lots of heads nodding right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, but our job <em>isn\u2019t<\/em> to keep our kids happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur job is to raise good, strong people \/ men and women. The only way they\u2019re going to learn the great lessons are to fail and to know Mom and Dad love them just the same: \u201cIt\u2019s okay that you didn\u2019t make the cheerleading squad. Who cares? That\u2019s not who you are.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I see a lot of girls with eating disorders. They are <em>terrified<\/em> of failures\u2014very high-performing kids, <em>very<\/em> bright young girls, highly-disciplined\u2014that\u2019s why they can starve. They are so afraid to fail they won\u2019t even fail at starving. The ultimate success, as somebody with anorexia, is to die because you have controlled yourself to the point where you have starved to death. How twisted is that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, as parents, we have adopted this. I don\u2019t believe that my mother lived with this. I don\u2019t believe that my mother felt it was her job to keep me happy all the time. I know she didn\u2019t!\u00a0 [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She actually brought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>God rest her soul.<br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014some pain to your life?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>She did. She made us work and same with my dad. They were Mom and Dad. Their <em>job<\/em> was to raise good people, and to love us as much as they could, to let us try some things out and see if we liked them\u2014play soccer, ride horses. \u201cYou do this,\u201d \u201cYou study here,\u201d\u2014but if I didn\u2019t get good grades, my mother didn\u2019t blame herself. If I didn\u2019t make the soccer team, my dad didn\u2019t think it was his fault. We have taken this on as 21<sup>st<\/sup> century moms. What I am saying is: \u201cTake it off!\u00a0 This is <em>not<\/em> our job.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve put so much on ourselves that: \u201cNo wonder we can\u2019t be happy \/ no wonder we can\u2019t feel any joy because we get up in the morning, and the list of what we need to do is so exhaustive.\u201d We feel like crawling back into bed. This isn\u2019t freedom\u2014this isn\u2019t how God intended us to live. I <em>really<\/em> want to break this for women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you think the average mom today would say, \u201cI\u2019m failing as often as I\u2019m succeeding\"? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Absolutely. I know she would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the way out of that cycle for her is to adjust her priorities and expectations?\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, yes\u2014to peel some of the responsibilities off of her shoulders that she feels are hers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was asked by the <em>TODAY<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> show to come in, at the beginning of summer, and talk to all the mothers, who were fearing summer because they were afraid their kids were going to be bored. I got on national television; and I said, \u201cOne of the best things you can do for your kids is let them be bored.\u201d I haven\u2019t been asked back\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because it\u2019s very good for children to learn what to do with empty time and space and not have mom rush in and fill it up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Barbara read a book when she was in the middle of this. She felt this pressure\u2014I know this was a number of years ago\u2014but she read a book called <em>The Hurried Child<\/em>. It was all about how our culture is forcing our children to grow up at an increasing rate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look back at what we were facing compared to today. If it\u2019s the hurried child back then, it\u2019s the frantic child today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, the problem, as I see it, is not with the child\u2014it\u2019s with the parent. You tell a story about yourself, about your own competitive nature. While you were going to the hospital one day, you raced another person to the hospital!\u00a0 Now, share that story because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Dennis!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014this illustrates\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Dennis!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014the very thing we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You tell it in the book!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Okay\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> C\u2019mon\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014I tell it in the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The problem\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014you might as well own up to it on the radio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>We have met the problem, and the problem is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cus.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cme.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cis us,\u201d\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It\u2019s the author\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. You are absolutely right. I was pregnant, I think, with our second. So, when I write about competitiveness, I really know what I\u2019m talking about because I was <em>fiercely<\/em> competitive. I hope I\u2019m better than that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was a second-year medical, pediatric resident. I had one child at home. I was pregnant with my second child. It was probably 6:30\/7:00 in the morning. I was racing down the freeway, trying to get to the hospital before my colleagues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!\u00a0 You were pregnant\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and you were racing?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Did I not put that in the book?\u00a0 [Laughter] I was pregnant, and I was racing down the highway. I was going over 60\u2014probably, over 70\u2014because I wanted to be the first one there to start. I was also pregnant. Lo and behold, I\u2019m going down the highway\u2014I look out my left, and I see a car passing me. I saw the driver of that car was a colleague of mine, about my age, who wasn\u2019t pregnant\u2014but another female. She was beginning to pass me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, she didn\u2019t turn her head to let me know that she saw me. I certainly wasn\u2019t going to let her know that I saw her. So, I sped up a little bit. I sped up, and she sped up; and I sped up, and she sped up. We literally were like crazy ten-year-olds, trying to race to the finish line. I thought: \u201cWhat am I doing here?\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a child, and I\u2019m a mom, and I\u2019m racing.\" I stopped myself\u2014I said: \u201cHere, you\u2019re putting your own life and your own child\u2019s life at risk because I\u2019m a competitive person. Knock it off!\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, that\u2019s what we need to do\u2014is we need to look ourselves in the mirror and say: \u201cWhere am I being competitive in my life?\u00a0 Where am I being competitive in my kids\u2019 lives?\u201d\u2014ouch!\u2014and pull back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, how you dress your kids\u2014I mean, always having to have GapKids<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> clothing so that your kids all are dressed in the latest fashion to be able to compete with everybody else in the neighborhood. We compete around education \/ where our kids go to school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014we compete around sports, as you\u2019ve mentioned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Academics is another area\u2014I mean, it\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s endless. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It\u2019s endless. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>The list for mothers, on the areas of their lives where they need to attain perfection, is overwhelming. They need to act like perfect mothers. They need to be patient, and calm, and kind. They need to pray enough. They need to lose weight. They need to exercise. They need to have a job outside the home \/ they need to not have a job outside the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter what mother you talk to, she\u2019s never getting it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what I see in the overwhelming majority of the mothers that come through my office weekly. It\u2019s very, very concerning because it\u2019s energy-consuming. It\u2019s unhealthy for us\u2014but it robs us of that great joy that God intended for us to be as moms. The list of what He wants us to be for our kids is <em>so small<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I can almost hear, Dr. Meeker, there would be those who are pointing a boney finger at the radio, going [whispering], \u201cI cannot believe she was racing while she was pregnant, carrying a baby.\" Yet, we, like you, race competitively around all these issues, where we\u2019re driving our kids off the charts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, the message for today\u2019s broadcast is: \u201cTake a look at everything you are doing. Pull out a machete\u2014cut 10, 25, 50 percent off the top. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGive yourself and your child some margin.\u201d And to take your advice from being on the <em>TODAY<\/em> show\u2014of saying, \u201cLet your kid be bored.\" That almost seems like that\u2019s countercultural, at a real core essence, because we don\u2019t want our kids \/ we can\u2019t afford for them to have some downtime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Boredom means, to us mothers, \u201cYou\u2019re a bad mother.\" That\u2019s a lie. There are many lies that we believe like that\u2014that: \u201cIf your child is afraid\u2026\u201d \/ \u201cIf your child gets bullied\u2026\u201d \/ \u201cIf your child doesn\u2019t get into this school, that means you\u2019re a bad mother.\" These are all lies. We need to walk away from them, and we need to really examine our <em>motives<\/em> for why we\u2019re doing with our kids what we\u2019re doing. I think that can be a very eye-opening exercise because that will help us <em>really<\/em> slow down and stop that racing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you\u2019re a mom, and your four-year-old comes up and says, \u201cMom, I\u2019m bored,\u201d what do you say back to your four-year-old?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u201cGo outside. Good,\u201d\u2014because learning\u2014you need to learn what to do with yourself when you\u2019re bored because guess what?\u2014a whole lot of life is boring, as a grown-up. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll tell you what Barbara said\u2014she\u2019d say: \u201cOkay, go to your room and get a great book. Just sit down and read a great book.\" I mean, we\u2019ve lost the art of some of the great literature\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and just enjoying a quiet spot, allowing the mind to experience faraway places, fantasies\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And to say to a child, \u201cYou need to figure out how to solve your boredom problem\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201crather than mom figuring out how to solve\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cyour boredom problem because that\u2019s one of the skills you\u2019re going to need when you grow up is, \u2018How do you solve your problem?\u2019\u00a0 You don\u2019t just go ask Mom. You do it yourself.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Right; but see, moms, who feel that they need to be <em>good <\/em>moms\u2014which we all do\u2014feel that we, again, are to fix our kids\u2019 problems and make life good for them. You know that\u2014where did that come from?\u00a0 That did <em>not<\/em> come from Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s the balance, then, between a mom who would be negligent\u2014who\u2019s just not engaged \/ who is kind of disinterested\u2014and the mom who is really trying to cultivate some of these virtues, wisely, into her child?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what I mean?\u2014because a mom feels like, \u201cIf I do that, I\u2019m being negligent.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes; yes. Well, I think that one of the places that we start is that we realize our kids\u2019 need is not a lot of stuff to do and not a lot of chaos. What our kids need is time with us\u2014quiet time with us. So often, I tell moms, \u201cYour child doesn\u2019t care whether you go to a store and buy a box of brownies that are premade, or get a box and cook them, or make them from scratch. What your child really wants is to sit down and eat a brownie with you.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve lost sight of that\u2014that kids want our company. They don\u2019t want our service, they don\u2019t want our work, and they don\u2019t really want our money, all that much\u2014now, the kids listening to that will turn off the radio pretty fast\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but they want us\u2014they want our time, and they want our attention. What I would tell all the great mothers out there\u2014and I know we\u2019ve got thousands and thousands of great mothers listening right now: \u201cJust calm down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cPeel off some of those expectations that you have of yourself for your kids. Start giving kids your company and focus on that rather than giving them time that you\u2019re running around with them.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTry an experiment. Do it for a month and see how the dynamics in your home change. I have a great story about that\u2014when my daughter \/ one of our daughters was 13. She was our eldest daughter. I had a big old Suburban. I was\u2014it was about 7:00 at night\u2014nobody had eaten dinner. I didn\u2019t even know what I was going to cook for dinner. I was driving her to a birthday party\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you decided to get an oval track and go racing again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I started to race again, and I did it a whole lot. [Laughter] This was, you know, after I saw my neighbors taking their kids skiing. [Laughter] So, I was driving her, with all the other three kids in the back of the car, out to this birthday party\u2014it was very far away. I was exhausted. The kids were complaining because they hadn\u2019t eaten, and she had to get to this birthday party. I pulled the car over to the side of the road. I said: \u201cWe\u2019re done. This is ridiculous!\u00a0 I\u2019m racing. I\u2019m not going to do it.\" I turned the car around, and I went home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Well, my 13-year-old was <em>furious<\/em> with me because that\u2019s not what good mothers do\u2014they take their girls to the birthday parties, even though the whole family hasn\u2019t had dinner. She was very upset with me. We pulled into the garage\u2014and we\u2019re pretty strict with our kids\u2019 language. She got out of the car. She <em>pounded <\/em>her fist on the hood of my car, and she looked at me. I said something; and she said, \u201cMom, shut up!\" I said, \u201cOh, you\u2019ve done it <em>now<\/em>,\u201d because we don\u2019t speak like that in our home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grounded her for a month, which meant she could only come home after school and be with me all month\u2014no ice skating, no downhill skiing, no whatever. The first week of that month was not very fun. By the end of the month, we enjoyed being together so much that, when the next semester of school came, she backed out of a lot of her stuff and wanted to be home more. She was calm \/ she was a happier kid. I was happier. We got along better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was such a pivotal moment in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was only through grounding her\u2014because of bad behavior\u2014that led me to believe: \u201cWhat this child really needs, at 13, is not more stuff to do. She needs more time with me\u2014where we can figure life out.\" If we argue, we learn how to work through those arguments. If she\u2019s having a great day, she talks to me. I\u2019m very close to my daughter, who is now 28 years old; but that was a real turning point in my life, to recognize that what our family needed was more time at home, under the same roof. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, I want to summarize what we\u2019ve talked about here. Number one, as parents, you need to get off the race track\u2014get out of the competition, retire as a race car driver, have a pit stop, and get off the oval\u2014just pull out of the track. Secondly, we need to raise bored kids. That\u2019s what we need to do. We need to raise bored kids\u2014kids who experience boredom. That\u2019s a great objective. Number three\u2014find some reason to ground your kid for a month. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, this is great advice\u2014seriously! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It worked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, it does work!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It does work. It does work because it forced us\u2014because mothers know the one reason we never want to ground our kids is because we know <em>we <\/em>have to be with them then. You know, Dad comes in and says, \u201cOkay, no TV for a week.\" Well, every mother knows: \u201cOh, no!\u00a0 Now, I have to talk to them every night for a week.\" Grounding kids is painful for moms, but it was really through that experience that I learned so much about what kids <em>really<\/em>\u2014what <em>my <\/em>kids really needed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may have started an epidemic of grounding that will happen tonight as a result of folks hearing the program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Meg: <\/strong>Good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kids are going to be hiding. [Laughter] You know, they\u2019re going to be hiding from their parents. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right\u2014if they haven\u2019t already said: \u201cMom, turn that program off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cCan we listen to something else, please?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWhatever you do, don\u2019t call and get a copy of Dr. Meeker\u2019s book. Don\u2019t order that.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll just let you know we do have the book, <em>The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers,<\/em> available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Dr. Meg Meeker\u2019s book, <em>The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers<\/em>. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order a copy at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to David and Brandy May, who live in North Carolina. The Mays are celebrating 19 years of married bliss today. They got married on this day back in 1997. They have attended three <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways\u2014so they are doing their regular marriage maintenance. We just want to say, \u201cCongratulations on 19 years of marriage!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are all about celebrating anniversaries, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, as we celebrate our 40th anniversary this year, we are focusing on all of the anniversaries that have happened because of how God has used FamilyLife in the lives of hundreds of thousands \/ actually, millions of couples over the last 40 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe recently had some friends of the ministry, who came to us, aware of the fact that this was our 40th anniversary and also aware that the summer months can be challenging months for ministries like ours. They have agreed that, during the month of May, they will match any donation that we receive from listeners, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $350,000. It\u2019s a very generous offer on their part. We\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of it this month. So we\u2019re asking you to consider today making a donation that will be matched, dollar for dollar. You can do that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a donation there. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how dangerous it is for a mom to start looking around and comparing the job she\u2019s doing with the jobs other moms are doing. That can be a trap, and we\u2019ll talk about why it can be a trap tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. See you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.76M"],"filesize_raw":["23863159"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303990.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303990.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Meg Meeker asserts that kids mostly just want their mother's time and attention, so moms should relax and leave the competition to others.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-05-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you\u2019re a mom, God has established what ought to be your priorities. Dr. Meg Meeker says, \u201cIn our culture today, that list has been amplified by a factor of six\/seven,\u201d\u2014maybe more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>The list for mothers\u2014on the areas of their lives where they need to attain perfection\u2014is overwhelming. They need to act like perfect mothers. They need to be patient, and calm, and kind. They need to pray enough. They need to lose weight. They need to exercise. They need to have a job outside the home \/ they need to not have a job outside the home. No matter what mother you talk to, she\u2019s never getting it right; and the list of what He wants us to be for our kids is <em>so small<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Dr. Meg Meeker is going to help you, today, realign your priorities as a mom. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Do you know, Bob\u2014this the first time, in over 19 years of doing this broadcast, we\u2019ve ever had a guest refer to you and me as eye candy? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I called you eye candy \/ she called me eye candy. So, you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014I\u2019m not sure\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014exactly what to make of that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I want you to know, Meg\u2014you are the first. I promise you, \u201cI\u2019m going to rat on you and tell Barbara\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Okay!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cwhen I go home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to get a button made that\u2014\u201cI am eye candy\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, eye candy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014just wear it around the office. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201c\u2026for a radio show\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014make sure you put that on there. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Dr. Meg Meeker joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Meg, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Thank you for having me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She is the author of a new book, <em>10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and<\/em>\u2014the last word I love\u2014<em>Sanity<\/em> \/ sanity. [Laughter] Meg is a pediatrician. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s practiced for more than 20 years. She has four children. She and her husband Walter have been married for more than 30 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the habits you talk about in your book is that of eliminating competition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you explain what you mean by that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Oh, sure! As we talked about, in our earlier show, women are <em>fiercely<\/em> competitive\u2014mothers, in particular. We are very competitive with ourselves, but we\u2019re particularly competitive when it comes to our kids. We want our child to edge out that other child. This, ultimately, harms <em>us<\/em>, it harms our kids, and it hurts our friendships as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I think over the past 20 years\u2014I think the competitive spirit between mothers has escalated <em>enormously<\/em>. Again, I think it\u2019s just a very unhealthy thing because it drives us in a direction\u2014it shapes our parenting\u2014it causes us to make decisions over what to do with our kids that aren\u2019t always in their kids\u2019 best interests. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, we even know this in our gut. You know\u2014it\u2019s against trusting the instincts again; but we do it because we believe we need to do it in order to keep kids competitive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook at the popularity of the book, <em>The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother<\/em>, with Amy Chua. Everybody raced out to get the book because, here, this Yale professor at Law School was telling everybody they need to higher their expectations of their kids, which in many ways I agree with. However, she said, \u201cIf you really want to raise high- performing kids\u2014the kind that look like mine\u2014here\u2019s how you do it.\u201d I think it was that competitiveness and that competitive spirit that drove people to want to read a lot about that book. So, you know, there you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Meg, what do you think is driving that?\u00a0 Is it ego?\u00a0 Is it living out our lives through our children? Ultimately, what\u2019s taking place here?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, I think it is ego. I think that, many times, mothers have figured out, \u201cWhere does my value, as a mom, come from?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve sort of figured\u2014we\u2019ve been taught that our value is to produce these <em>fabulous<\/em> kids, who are high-performers \/ who are high-achievers. Moms feel like that and dads feel like that as well. That\u2019s why you\u2019ve got the soccer moms and the soccer dads screaming, on the sidelines, at the kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInterestingly, the fastest-growing sport amongst boys, I believe, is skateboarding because there\u2019s no parental involvement\u2014it is fun \/ they just like it. Baseball, hockey\u2014those kinds of things\u2014because, definitely, our egos\u2014we\u2019re working them out through our kids\u2019 successes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here is the danger\u2014\u2014when we, as moms, define <em>our<\/em> value and worth through the success of our kids, where does that take us?\u00a0 It takes us and our kids to a very bad place because, if our kids fail, well, then, we fail. So, we work very, very, very, very hard to not let our kids experience failure because we don\u2019t want to experience failure. Then, that child feels, \u201cWell, I can\u2019t fail.\" They pick up on this\u2014that: \u201cI am this sort of marionette that is being run by my parents. I need to dance perfectly.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t tell you how many kids tell me they can\u2019t stop skiing, they can\u2019t stop ice skating, they can\u2019t stop playing soccer because \u201cIt means so much to my mom and to my dad.\u201d Unfortunately, kids start to feel that\u2019s the only way they get attention and love\u2014is by their parents watching them. You get this really vicious cycle going. It really stems from this competitiveness that we feel. That, again, I believe is fed by two things\u2014our ego\u2014we want \/ our value is through our kids\u2014but also fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe push our kids because we are afraid not to because, again, that\u2019s stepping out of the mold. That\u2019s taking our kids in a different direction. If we don\u2019t have faith that God will give us strong guidance in that direction, then, we live in fear. We are too afraid to go there: \u201cWhat will happen to my child if I pull them out?\u00a0 What will happen to my child if I\u2014God forbid\u2014have him do no extracurricular activities for three months of his life?\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s un-American!\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is where that fear comes in. It\u2019s that competitiveness that is rooted in fear and rooted in our egos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Our daughter, Ashley, first-born, tried out for cheerleader and failed. I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014we felt exactly what you\u2019re talking about here. I mean, I watched my wife\u2014this was a big deal because she\u2019d been helping her do the cheers and do it all. Now, there were some strange circumstances that occurred that Ashley ended up making the squad after all; but in that two- or three-day period, where she had failed and hadn\u2019t made the team\u2014I want to tell you\u2014it was kind of a gut-check time, for us as parents, to say: \u201cWait a second!\u00a0 What\u2019s this all about here?\u00a0 Is it living our lives out through our daughter or not?\" It was healthy. Failure really can be a very instructive teacher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I want to ask you about that. If I were to take you back to the time when your kids were still young, and I were to ask you, in the middle of that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you\u2019re a pediatrician, you\u2019ve got your practice, you\u2019re raising your kids\u2014if I had said, \u201cWould you give yourself a mostly passing grade, as a mom? Or would you say, \u2018I\u2019m failing as often as I\u2019m passing\u2019?\" How would you have answered it back then; do you think?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I probably would have said, \u201cI\u2019m failing as much as I\u2019m passing,\u201d because I think that I was so worried about being a good mom. One of the lies that I bought into, as a young mom, is that I really <em>felt<\/em> that it was my job to keep our kids happy at all times. Keeping our kids happy means making sure they\u2019re never bored, making sure they don\u2019t fail, making sure they\u2019re not frightened, making sure they\u2019re not bullied, making sure they\u2019re not crying. You know what I\u2019m saying. Probably, every mother out there goes: \u201cYes, yes, yes. I\u2019ve got a longer list than you do.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Lots of heads nodding right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, but our job <em>isn\u2019t<\/em> to keep our kids happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur job is to raise good, strong people \/ men and women. The only way they\u2019re going to learn the great lessons are to fail and to know Mom and Dad love them just the same: \u201cIt\u2019s okay that you didn\u2019t make the cheerleading squad. Who cares? That\u2019s not who you are.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I see a lot of girls with eating disorders. They are <em>terrified<\/em> of failures\u2014very high-performing kids, <em>very<\/em> bright young girls, highly-disciplined\u2014that\u2019s why they can starve. They are so afraid to fail they won\u2019t even fail at starving. The ultimate success, as somebody with anorexia, is to die because you have controlled yourself to the point where you have starved to death. How twisted is that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, as parents, we have adopted this. I don\u2019t believe that my mother lived with this. I don\u2019t believe that my mother felt it was her job to keep me happy all the time. I know she didn\u2019t!\u00a0 [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She actually brought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>God rest her soul.<br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014some pain to your life?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>She did. She made us work and same with my dad. They were Mom and Dad. Their <em>job<\/em> was to raise good people, and to love us as much as they could, to let us try some things out and see if we liked them\u2014play soccer, ride horses. \u201cYou do this,\u201d \u201cYou study here,\u201d\u2014but if I didn\u2019t get good grades, my mother didn\u2019t blame herself. If I didn\u2019t make the soccer team, my dad didn\u2019t think it was his fault. We have taken this on as 21<sup>st<\/sup> century moms. What I am saying is: \u201cTake it off!\u00a0 This is <em>not<\/em> our job.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve put so much on ourselves that: \u201cNo wonder we can\u2019t be happy \/ no wonder we can\u2019t feel any joy because we get up in the morning, and the list of what we need to do is so exhaustive.\u201d We feel like crawling back into bed. This isn\u2019t freedom\u2014this isn\u2019t how God intended us to live. I <em>really<\/em> want to break this for women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you think the average mom today would say, \u201cI\u2019m failing as often as I\u2019m succeeding\"? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Absolutely. I know she would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the way out of that cycle for her is to adjust her priorities and expectations?\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, yes\u2014to peel some of the responsibilities off of her shoulders that she feels are hers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was asked by the <em>TODAY<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> show to come in, at the beginning of summer, and talk to all the mothers, who were fearing summer because they were afraid their kids were going to be bored. I got on national television; and I said, \u201cOne of the best things you can do for your kids is let them be bored.\u201d I haven\u2019t been asked back\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because it\u2019s very good for children to learn what to do with empty time and space and not have mom rush in and fill it up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Barbara read a book when she was in the middle of this. She felt this pressure\u2014I know this was a number of years ago\u2014but she read a book called <em>The Hurried Child<\/em>. It was all about how our culture is forcing our children to grow up at an increasing rate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look back at what we were facing compared to today. If it\u2019s the hurried child back then, it\u2019s the frantic child today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, the problem, as I see it, is not with the child\u2014it\u2019s with the parent. You tell a story about yourself, about your own competitive nature. While you were going to the hospital one day, you raced another person to the hospital!\u00a0 Now, share that story because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Dennis!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014this illustrates\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Dennis!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014the very thing we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You tell it in the book!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Okay\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> C\u2019mon\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014I tell it in the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The problem\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014you might as well own up to it on the radio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>We have met the problem, and the problem is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cus.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cme.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cis us,\u201d\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It\u2019s the author\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. You are absolutely right. I was pregnant, I think, with our second. So, when I write about competitiveness, I really know what I\u2019m talking about because I was <em>fiercely<\/em> competitive. I hope I\u2019m better than that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was a second-year medical, pediatric resident. I had one child at home. I was pregnant with my second child. It was probably 6:30\/7:00 in the morning. I was racing down the freeway, trying to get to the hospital before my colleagues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!\u00a0 You were pregnant\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and you were racing?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Did I not put that in the book?\u00a0 [Laughter] I was pregnant, and I was racing down the highway. I was going over 60\u2014probably, over 70\u2014because I wanted to be the first one there to start. I was also pregnant. Lo and behold, I\u2019m going down the highway\u2014I look out my left, and I see a car passing me. I saw the driver of that car was a colleague of mine, about my age, who wasn\u2019t pregnant\u2014but another female. She was beginning to pass me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, she didn\u2019t turn her head to let me know that she saw me. I certainly wasn\u2019t going to let her know that I saw her. So, I sped up a little bit. I sped up, and she sped up; and I sped up, and she sped up. We literally were like crazy ten-year-olds, trying to race to the finish line. I thought: \u201cWhat am I doing here?\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a child, and I\u2019m a mom, and I\u2019m racing.\" I stopped myself\u2014I said: \u201cHere, you\u2019re putting your own life and your own child\u2019s life at risk because I\u2019m a competitive person. Knock it off!\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, that\u2019s what we need to do\u2014is we need to look ourselves in the mirror and say: \u201cWhere am I being competitive in my life?\u00a0 Where am I being competitive in my kids\u2019 lives?\u201d\u2014ouch!\u2014and pull back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, how you dress your kids\u2014I mean, always having to have GapKids<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> clothing so that your kids all are dressed in the latest fashion to be able to compete with everybody else in the neighborhood. We compete around education \/ where our kids go to school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014we compete around sports, as you\u2019ve mentioned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Academics is another area\u2014I mean, it\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s endless. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It\u2019s endless. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>The list for mothers, on the areas of their lives where they need to attain perfection, is overwhelming. They need to act like perfect mothers. They need to be patient, and calm, and kind. They need to pray enough. They need to lose weight. They need to exercise. They need to have a job outside the home \/ they need to not have a job outside the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter what mother you talk to, she\u2019s never getting it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what I see in the overwhelming majority of the mothers that come through my office weekly. It\u2019s very, very concerning because it\u2019s energy-consuming. It\u2019s unhealthy for us\u2014but it robs us of that great joy that God intended for us to be as moms. The list of what He wants us to be for our kids is <em>so small<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I can almost hear, Dr. Meeker, there would be those who are pointing a boney finger at the radio, going [whispering], \u201cI cannot believe she was racing while she was pregnant, carrying a baby.\" Yet, we, like you, race competitively around all these issues, where we\u2019re driving our kids off the charts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, the message for today\u2019s broadcast is: \u201cTake a look at everything you are doing. Pull out a machete\u2014cut 10, 25, 50 percent off the top. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGive yourself and your child some margin.\u201d And to take your advice from being on the <em>TODAY<\/em> show\u2014of saying, \u201cLet your kid be bored.\" That almost seems like that\u2019s countercultural, at a real core essence, because we don\u2019t want our kids \/ we can\u2019t afford for them to have some downtime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Boredom means, to us mothers, \u201cYou\u2019re a bad mother.\" That\u2019s a lie. There are many lies that we believe like that\u2014that: \u201cIf your child is afraid\u2026\u201d \/ \u201cIf your child gets bullied\u2026\u201d \/ \u201cIf your child doesn\u2019t get into this school, that means you\u2019re a bad mother.\" These are all lies. We need to walk away from them, and we need to really examine our <em>motives<\/em> for why we\u2019re doing with our kids what we\u2019re doing. I think that can be a very eye-opening exercise because that will help us <em>really<\/em> slow down and stop that racing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you\u2019re a mom, and your four-year-old comes up and says, \u201cMom, I\u2019m bored,\u201d what do you say back to your four-year-old?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u201cGo outside. Good,\u201d\u2014because learning\u2014you need to learn what to do with yourself when you\u2019re bored because guess what?\u2014a whole lot of life is boring, as a grown-up. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll tell you what Barbara said\u2014she\u2019d say: \u201cOkay, go to your room and get a great book. Just sit down and read a great book.\" I mean, we\u2019ve lost the art of some of the great literature\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and just enjoying a quiet spot, allowing the mind to experience faraway places, fantasies\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And to say to a child, \u201cYou need to figure out how to solve your boredom problem\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201crather than mom figuring out how to solve\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cyour boredom problem because that\u2019s one of the skills you\u2019re going to need when you grow up is, \u2018How do you solve your problem?\u2019\u00a0 You don\u2019t just go ask Mom. You do it yourself.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Right; but see, moms, who feel that they need to be <em>good <\/em>moms\u2014which we all do\u2014feel that we, again, are to fix our kids\u2019 problems and make life good for them. You know that\u2014where did that come from?\u00a0 That did <em>not<\/em> come from Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s the balance, then, between a mom who would be negligent\u2014who\u2019s just not engaged \/ who is kind of disinterested\u2014and the mom who is really trying to cultivate some of these virtues, wisely, into her child?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what I mean?\u2014because a mom feels like, \u201cIf I do that, I\u2019m being negligent.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes; yes. Well, I think that one of the places that we start is that we realize our kids\u2019 need is not a lot of stuff to do and not a lot of chaos. What our kids need is time with us\u2014quiet time with us. So often, I tell moms, \u201cYour child doesn\u2019t care whether you go to a store and buy a box of brownies that are premade, or get a box and cook them, or make them from scratch. What your child really wants is to sit down and eat a brownie with you.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve lost sight of that\u2014that kids want our company. They don\u2019t want our service, they don\u2019t want our work, and they don\u2019t really want our money, all that much\u2014now, the kids listening to that will turn off the radio pretty fast\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but they want us\u2014they want our time, and they want our attention. What I would tell all the great mothers out there\u2014and I know we\u2019ve got thousands and thousands of great mothers listening right now: \u201cJust calm down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cPeel off some of those expectations that you have of yourself for your kids. Start giving kids your company and focus on that rather than giving them time that you\u2019re running around with them.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTry an experiment. Do it for a month and see how the dynamics in your home change. I have a great story about that\u2014when my daughter \/ one of our daughters was 13. She was our eldest daughter. I had a big old Suburban. I was\u2014it was about 7:00 at night\u2014nobody had eaten dinner. I didn\u2019t even know what I was going to cook for dinner. I was driving her to a birthday party\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you decided to get an oval track and go racing again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I started to race again, and I did it a whole lot. [Laughter] This was, you know, after I saw my neighbors taking their kids skiing. [Laughter] So, I was driving her, with all the other three kids in the back of the car, out to this birthday party\u2014it was very far away. I was exhausted. The kids were complaining because they hadn\u2019t eaten, and she had to get to this birthday party. I pulled the car over to the side of the road. I said: \u201cWe\u2019re done. This is ridiculous!\u00a0 I\u2019m racing. I\u2019m not going to do it.\" I turned the car around, and I went home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Well, my 13-year-old was <em>furious<\/em> with me because that\u2019s not what good mothers do\u2014they take their girls to the birthday parties, even though the whole family hasn\u2019t had dinner. She was very upset with me. We pulled into the garage\u2014and we\u2019re pretty strict with our kids\u2019 language. She got out of the car. She <em>pounded <\/em>her fist on the hood of my car, and she looked at me. I said something; and she said, \u201cMom, shut up!\" I said, \u201cOh, you\u2019ve done it <em>now<\/em>,\u201d because we don\u2019t speak like that in our home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grounded her for a month, which meant she could only come home after school and be with me all month\u2014no ice skating, no downhill skiing, no whatever. The first week of that month was not very fun. By the end of the month, we enjoyed being together so much that, when the next semester of school came, she backed out of a lot of her stuff and wanted to be home more. She was calm \/ she was a happier kid. I was happier. We got along better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was such a pivotal moment in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was only through grounding her\u2014because of bad behavior\u2014that led me to believe: \u201cWhat this child really needs, at 13, is not more stuff to do. She needs more time with me\u2014where we can figure life out.\" If we argue, we learn how to work through those arguments. If she\u2019s having a great day, she talks to me. I\u2019m very close to my daughter, who is now 28 years old; but that was a real turning point in my life, to recognize that what our family needed was more time at home, under the same roof. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, I want to summarize what we\u2019ve talked about here. Number one, as parents, you need to get off the race track\u2014get out of the competition, retire as a race car driver, have a pit stop, and get off the oval\u2014just pull out of the track. Secondly, we need to raise bored kids. That\u2019s what we need to do. We need to raise bored kids\u2014kids who experience boredom. That\u2019s a great objective. Number three\u2014find some reason to ground your kid for a month. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, this is great advice\u2014seriously! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It worked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, it does work!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>It does work. It does work because it forced us\u2014because mothers know the one reason we never want to ground our kids is because we know <em>we <\/em>have to be with them then. You know, Dad comes in and says, \u201cOkay, no TV for a week.\" Well, every mother knows: \u201cOh, no!\u00a0 Now, I have to talk to them every night for a week.\" Grounding kids is painful for moms, but it was really through that experience that I learned so much about what kids <em>really<\/em>\u2014what <em>my <\/em>kids really needed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may have started an epidemic of grounding that will happen tonight as a result of folks hearing the program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Meg: <\/strong>Good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kids are going to be hiding. [Laughter] You know, they\u2019re going to be hiding from their parents. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right\u2014if they haven\u2019t already said: \u201cMom, turn that program off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cCan we listen to something else, please?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWhatever you do, don\u2019t call and get a copy of Dr. Meeker\u2019s book. Don\u2019t order that.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll just let you know we do have the book, <em>The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers,<\/em> available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Dr. Meg Meeker\u2019s book, <em>The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers<\/em>. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order a copy at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to David and Brandy May, who live in North Carolina. The Mays are celebrating 19 years of married bliss today. They got married on this day back in 1997. They have attended three <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaways\u2014so they are doing their regular marriage maintenance. We just want to say, \u201cCongratulations on 19 years of marriage!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are all about celebrating anniversaries, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, as we celebrate our 40th anniversary this year, we are focusing on all of the anniversaries that have happened because of how God has used FamilyLife in the lives of hundreds of thousands \/ actually, millions of couples over the last 40 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe recently had some friends of the ministry, who came to us, aware of the fact that this was our 40th anniversary and also aware that the summer months can be challenging months for ministries like ours. They have agreed that, during the month of May, they will match any donation that we receive from listeners, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $350,000. It\u2019s a very generous offer on their part. We\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of it this month. So we\u2019re asking you to consider today making a donation that will be matched, dollar for dollar. You can do that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a donation there. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how dangerous it is for a mom to start looking around and comparing the job she\u2019s doing with the jobs other moms are doing. That can be a trap, and we\u2019ll talk about why it can be a trap tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. See you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303990","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303990"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303990"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303990"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303990"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303990"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303990"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303990"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}