{"id":303974,"date":"2016-04-28T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-04-28T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/praising-the-positive\/"},"modified":"2016-04-28T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-04-28T15:00:00","slug":"praising-the-positive","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/praising-the-positive\/","title":{"rendered":"Praising the Positive"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Barbara Rainey | Series: Letters to My Daughters | Marriage is God&#8217;s greatest discipleship tool. Author and Ever Thine Home\u00ae creator Barbara Rainey talks about the high and noble calling of being a wife. Barbara acknowledges that while marriage is sweet, it&#8217;s not easy, especially when dealing with differences. Rainey reminds wives to treat their husbands like God treats us-with gentleness and grace. Instead of dwelling on a husband&#8217;s weaknesses, Barbara encourages wives to focus on their husband&#8217;s admirable traits and to praise him for the things he does right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey talks about the high and noble calling of being a wife. Barbara acknowledges that while marriage is sweet, it&#8217;s not easy, especially when dealing with differences.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-28.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.8M","filesize_raw":"23904603","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2831],"tags":[6001,4738,6000,5999],"podcast_series":[7218],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303974","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-wives","tag-life-after-marriage","tag-loving-your-husband","tag-marriage-is-hard","tag-respect-your-husband","podcast_series-letters-to-my-daughters","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303974\/praising-the-positive","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303974\/praising-the-positive","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"IBYsqxr97e\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/praising-the-positive\/\">Praising the Positive<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/praising-the-positive\/embed\/#?secret=IBYsqxr97e\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Praising the Positive&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"IBYsqxr97e\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Barbara Rainey talks about the high and noble calling of being a wife. Barbara acknowledges that while marriage is sweet, it's not easy, especially when dealing with differences.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara Rainey has some advice for wives. She says, when you\u2019re husband messes up\u2014and, by the way, he will\u2014when it happens, how you respond may determine whether he learns anything from his mistake or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> If you rail on him, and if you criticize him, and you tell him how stupid it was that he made that decision, he may not learn the lesson that God wanted for him; and he may have to repeat it again. The best thing that a wife can do is trust God, even when it\u2019s hard, and ask God to use it for good in their life and that God would use it to grow him in that area where he just blew it royally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 28<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. The words you say have profound power in your marriage relationship. We\u2019ll examine that subject with Barbara Rainey today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Have you ever stopped to just ponder who you would be: (A) if you had been single all your life or (B) if you\u2019d married somebody other than Barbara?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; I guess I have because I tried to marry a young lady from SMU before Barbara and I started dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You proposed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She didn\u2019t want to marry me. No, no. It wasn\u2019t at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was clear enough that you didn\u2019t\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But there was a DTR\u2014a \u201cdefine the relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How she defined it and how I defined it\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\u201cThumbs down, baby!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThumbs down!! You\u2019re out of here!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was good because\u2014it was okay because I wasn\u2019t in search of a myth. I wanted a real relationship with a real person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBack to the previous part of the question, though, Bob: \u201cHave I ever thought about who I would be if I hadn\u2019t married Barbara and was single?\u201d I have. I don\u2019t visit that picture very often because that\u2019s a horror film. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Pretty ugly; huh? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She\u2019s laughing really hard because she knows what happened behind the curtain. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are you saying, \u201cAmen,\u201d to that? Is that what\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No, I just think that\u2019s funny that he said it would be a horror film because I don\u2019t think it would be <em>that <\/em>bad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t know what you would compare marriage to\u2014that teaches you how to love, that instructs you in how to sacrifice for another person, to care for, to cherish, to nourish, and to call you away from yourself and force\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I mean, if you\u2019re going to do marriage God\u2019s way, it is the greatest discipleship tool that has ever been created in the history of the universe. It <em>demands<\/em> that both a husband and a wife pick up their cross, follow Christ, deny themselves, and ask God, \u201cOkay, God, what do You want me to do in this set of circumstances?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s true. It works both ways\u2014for husbands and wives\u2014but our focus this week is on the responsibility a wife has\u2014the privilege she has \/ the assignment she has\u2014from God to be the helper that He\u2019s created her to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara, we\u2019re talking about some of the themes that are found in your book, <em>Letters to My Daughters, <\/em>which is just out. We\u2019re getting a lot of great feedback from women who have gotten copies of this book and started reading it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome women recoil at the idea that they\u2019re called to be helpers\u2014it sounds demeaning to them. Your book affirms that it\u2019s a noble thing that God is calling wives to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It is a very noble assignment that God has given us. It\u2019s equally noble, I think, to the calling that God has put on a man\u2019s life too. What makes it even better is that, together, marriage is a high and holy calling\u2014it says that in Scripture. It also says that it\u2019s a mystery. I think that\u2019s the part that we wish God hadn\u2019t said about it because it would be nice if it was a little bit more black and white \/ more obvious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut God says it is a mystery. God is an artist \/ God is an author\u2014God didn\u2019t make robots. So figuring this out\u2014this uniqueness \/ this relationship that Dennis and I have that\u2019s unlike anybody else\u2019s relationship on the planet\u2014just as your marriage with Mary Ann is unlike anybody else\u2019s on the planet\u2014the ingenuity of God to create these little duos all over the planet that represent Him \/ that are a picture of Christ and the Church\u2014all of that mystery is profound and baffling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe wish sometimes that marriage was a whole lot easier, but it illustrates that marriage is a very high and noble calling. We think it is drudgery \/ we think it\u2019s dispensable\u2014and it\u2019s not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. In the book that Barbara has written, called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife, <\/em>you quote Mike Mason. Speaking of mysteries, he wrote a book called <em>The Mystery of Marriage. <\/em>This comes from that book\u2014he says this: \u201cLove convinces a couple that they are the greatest romance that has ever been, that no two people have ever loved as they do, and that they will sacrifice absolutely anything in order to be together.\u201d Then I love the conclusion to the statement. It says, \u201cThen marriage asks them to prove it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, that\u2019s what\u2019s at stake. You\u2019ve got this noble relationship that wasn\u2019t created by man\u2014it was created by Almighty God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis image is stamped all over a marriage that seeks to follow His blueprints for what He wants us to do. He\u2019s trying to teach us how to love\u2014how to love sacrificially \/ how to give up our lives on behalf of another. You\u2019re never going to be able to do it if you try to have it your way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would love for you to expand on something that I just had to stop and ponder for a second. You said what a wife believes about her husband is the starting place for everything she says or doesn\u2019t say about her husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And what you believe about Dennis is the starting place for everything you say or don\u2019t say about him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Unpack that for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, let me explain something about photography that I think will help answer your question for you. Anybody, who has ever used a 35mm camera that has a lens that you turn so you can focus, understands the principle that the person who is holding the camera chooses what\u2019s going to be in that image. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can choose a broad panorama and you can get as much in that frame as you can get, or you may choose to tighten that zoom lens and focus on somebody\u2019s eyes only. You\u2019ve got great choice, as the photographer, in what you\u2019re going to get in that lens of the camera. And the same is true in marriage. I have complete control over what people know about my husband. If I\u2019m talking about Dennis and I talk about his faults, or I talk about how crummy it is that he just doesn\u2019t ever do <em>this<\/em> and I think it\u2019s terrible that he doesn\u2019t ever do <em>that<\/em>, anybody who hears that description that I just made of him will think of him that way. When they think of him, they\u2019re going to remember that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, on the other hand, if I choose to leave that out of the description, and instead, I choose to describe him for my friends, or my small group, or wherever I am talking about him, and I say: \u201cYou know, one of the things that I appreciate about Dennis is that he really makes our family a priority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYes, he travels. Yes; sometimes he has to say late and work \/ sometimes he is gone on the weekends, but I know that his heart is to make our family a priority.\u201d That\u2019s focusing the lens of my camera on what is good and what is right about my husband. If he knows that I\u2019m saying that about him, he\u2019s going to want to live up to that expectation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So some wives will hear you say that and say: \u201cYou want me to airbrush my husband. You want me to just brush away and pretend like all those flaws that are there just don\u2019t exist and just pretend like he\u2019s better than he is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Okay. And I would say to her: \u201cHow does God see you? Is God pointing out to you the hundreds of things that you do wrong every day? Um, I don\u2019t think so. He\u2019s very gentle and very gracious, and He shows us one thing at a time that we do wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think: \u201cOkay, you want to call it airbrushing? Alright, I\u2019ll take that\u2014it may be airbrushing\u2014but I would rather focus on what he does right than what he does wrong because\u2014when I focus on what he does wrong, and I <em>have <\/em>done that\u2014all I can see are the things he does wrong. They grow and they just become these huge things. I become obsessed with everything that\u2019s wrong and everything he\u2019s not doing that\u2019s right. And that\u2019s not fun! I don\u2019t like that about me! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI don\u2019t want him to be focusing on all my weaknesses and all my flaws. I don\u2019t want him talking about my weaknesses and flaws to other people because I don\u2019t like them \/ I don\u2019t want to be known for what is wrong with me. I want to be known for what I do well and what I do right. So the same is true for him. So, yes, I airbrush it\u2014I don\u2019t talk about the things that he does wrong, or his weaknesses, or his flaws. That\u2019s for him to deal with before the Lord. That\u2019s not my business\u2014that\u2019s his business.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re not living in denial about those things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That doesn\u2019t mean that the airbrush doesn\u2019t get turned off at a point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the flaws are exposed? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, or that I talk about them with him from time to time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019re not being unrealistic about the nature of your relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I think what I hear you saying\u2014and this goes back to where we started\u2014what a wife says about her husband is going to begin with what she\u2019s thinking about her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And she can choose\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014whether to dwell on all of his flaws or whether to set her mind on those things that are his virtues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And every husband\u2019s got at least a couple of them; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, if he doesn\u2019t, why did you marry him? I mean, all of us got married because we admired something about this man that we fell in love with. So focus on those things. I remember, years and years ago, when we were in a new church that we were a part of\u2014it was a fairly small church\u2014and we had this community group of other couples that we met together every couple of weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember standing in a small group of maybe three or four of us. This wife started talking about her husband\u2014she was talking negatively about her husband. I\u2019ll never forget that uncomfortable feeling that all of us in that little, tiny circle felt. We just felt kind of: \u201cOuch! Oooh! That hurts! I don\u2019t know that I want to hear that about your husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him, standing not that far away. I think he had heard what she said. I have just never forgotten that picture, even though it was probably 30 years ago \/ maybe 20 years ago\u2014but it was a long time ago\u2014because I saw what the power of her words did. I saw what it did to me\u2014it made me, as a listener, uncomfortable. It made me wonder about him, as a man. And then, when I saw that he heard, it was like an ice pick to his heart. I realized how powerful our words are as wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo my whole intention in what I share in this chapter about this is to help women understand that your words are very, very significant. Those who hear them are going to be influenced by what we say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s a proverb that is so applicable here\u2014Proverbs 18:21: \u201cDeath and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So you literally have the opportunity to use your tongue like a paint brush to paint a positive picture, or like an ice pick to tear another person down. To the woman, who is listening to us\u2014or for that matter, a man, who may be listening in right now\u2014if you\u2019re a critical person \/ if you\u2019re negative, you need to ask God to do a work in your soul. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, no one wants to be in the corner of an attic with a cranky woman or a cranky man, who is bitter, and negative, and all they can do is find fault. That\u2019s <em>not <\/em>who you want to grow old with. What you need to ask\u2014you need to ask God to do a work in your soul and to help release you from being critical of your husband or your wife and find a way to begin to focus on\u2014as Barbara is calling women to do here\u2014to focus on that which is positive in their spouse \/ why you married them in the first place and what you like about them. Brag on your wife \/ brag on your husband in front of the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things Dennis has shared over the years\u2014you\u2019ve heard him say it\u2014your belief in him has been massive in terms of his confidence in doing what God\u2019s called him to do. I\u2019m just wondering: \u201cWas that just natural to express belief in him? Was that just something that came instinctively to you; or were you conscious and deliberate about saying: \u2018I need to verbalize to him. I need to express confidence in him\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The answer is, \u201cYes,\u201d to both because I think most of us women, when we first get married, we marry this guy because we believe in him\u2014we think he\u2019s the greatest. Most women marry with those thoughts, those feelings, and those emotions. I think that what happens is\u2014when we do get disillusioned, and we do find discouragements, and we butt heads because we\u2019re different\u2014that belief can come down with it. Then, that\u2019s when it becomes a choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the beginning, it was really easy for me to believe in him because I just did believe in him\u2014that\u2019s why I married him. But then there come those times, farther into the relationship, when belief becomes a choice. So rather than expressing\u2014and it\u2019s not that I don\u2019t express fear \/ it\u2019s not that I don\u2019t express anxiety because I express plenty of that\u2014but the bottom line is: \u201cIn the end, no matter what, I believe in you. I believe that God is at work in your life and in our marriage. I believe that God is going to see us through this, and I\u2019m going to be with you there to the bitter end.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I\u2019d want a woman to know is\u2014that no matter how competent and confident a man looks, whether he\u2019s young or whether he\u2019s older \/ it does not matter\u2014there isn\u2019t a man, within the reach of my voice right now over the radio across the country, who doesn\u2019t need his wife\u2019s steady and certain words of affirmation and belief. He needs it. I don\u2019t care if he says nothing to you when you say it. The words are sinking and soaking into his soul because there are not that many people in a lifetime\u2014in fact, I\u2019d ask the question, \u201cIs there anyone who goes a lifetime with you and who believes in you all the way to the end?\u201d The answer is, \u201cWho would it be?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWho\u2019s going to do that?\u201d That\u2019s the nature of marriage! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you say, \u201cI take you \u2018til death do us part, for better or for worse, in riches and in being poor,\u201d\u2014wow! It\u2019s the pay-off!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not always easy. We\u2019re not trying to paint some kind of rosy picture here, but it is a necessity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There has to have been a time\u2014and I don\u2019t know if it will come to mind immediately for you or not\u2014but a time when you were facing a decision and you were thinking, \u201cI think we should do this.\u201d And Dennis was thinking, \u201cNo, I think we should do this.\u201d And you said: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to trust you. I\u2019m going to follow you\u201d; and it turned out that it would have been better off if you\u2019d have done it your way. I\u2019m just wondering\u2014for a wife in that situation, where she says, \u201cI think this is the right thing to do,\u201d and the husband says, \u201cWe\u2019re going this way,\u201d and they go down a dead-end and the wife finds herself, in that moment, thinking, \u201cIf he\u2019d have just listened to me, we\u2019d be in a lot better shape right now than we are!\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014what does she do in that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, I can\u2019t think of a specific time; but there have been times like, for instance, driving in the car, when he would choose to go one way and I was thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s the right way!\u201d And, sure enough, it wasn\u2019t. That hasn\u2019t happened very often, but it has happened. I remember one time, early in our marriage, when we were discussing a financial decision. I don\u2019t remember thinking it was a bad decision at the time; but it was a bad decision, and it cost us financially. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRegardless, it doesn\u2019t really matter\u2014if it\u2019s a big thing or a small thing\u2014because the choice is still the same in the end for a wife; that is: \u201cEven when he makes bad decisions\u2014and he will \/ when he decides to do things that will cost you\u2014and he will\u2014will you still believe in him? Will you still trust God? Will you put your faith in God\u2019s sovereignty that God can turn this into good in his life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe that\u2019s exactly what he needed to experience to grow in the way God wanted him to grow. If you rail on him, and if you criticize him, and you tell him how stupid it was that he made that decision, he may not learn the lesson that God wanted for him; and he may have to repeat it again. The best thing that a wife can do is trust God, even when it\u2019s hard, and ask God to use it for good in their life and that God would use it to grow him in that area, where he just blew it royally, because men are going to make big mistakes. It\u2019s how we respond to that mistake that will make the difference in whether he benefits from it or he can\u2019t benefit from it because he\u2019s been beat up by his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is not an easy message for a lot of listeners to hear, but I just want you to comment on why you decided to write a book that is called <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em> to call them to the art \/ the biblical art of being a wife because you\u2019re calling them to a high standard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> These are our daughters and our daughters-in-law. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Why did you want to do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, I think our culture has lost the vision for what marriage can be\u2014what it was intended to be. Yes, we have all seen countless examples of marriage done the wrong way, but that doesn\u2019t mean marriage is broken. It means the people are broken who are in it. I want the next generation to understand that marriage is really worth working on\u2014it is transformative, it is redemptive, it is holy. There are so many good things about marriage; but we don\u2019t see those good things, commonly, in our culture\u2014we see all the negatives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell the story of: \u201cWhat would it be like if you went to the Louvre Museum in Paris, with all these magnificent art works? And what if, while you were standing in line to get your ticket, there was an earthquake? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAnd after you got your ticket, you walked in and half of these masterpieces were lying on the floor. There were still half of them on the wall \/ there were still statues and all of these magnificent things around\u2014what would your eyes be drawn to? Your eyes would be drawn to the tragedy, to the loss, to the broken pieces lying all over the floor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s a picture of our culture. We see all of these wrecked marriages\u2014we see these abused women, we see these lost men, we see the damaged children\u2014and we just think: \u201cMarriage is hopeless. Why should I even try?\u201d What I want to do in this book is say: \u201cLook at what\u2019s on the wall! Look at what God has said. Look at what God has designed. That is our goal. Don\u2019t get distracted by the broken pieces. It\u2019s tragic, it\u2019s wrong, it\u2019s sad; but the institution of marriage is still worthy. It\u2019s still worth striving for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod didn\u2019t make a mistake when He made marriage. We\u2019re the ones who are messing it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And Bob, I think about what FamilyLife is talking about all this year in our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary of doing ministry\u2014calling people back to their anniversary and back to their commitment\u2014around the whole concept of the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries<sup>\u2122<\/sup>. What Barbara is challenging people with is\u2014just because people have failed, don\u2019t give up on what the Bible\u2014the transcendent beauty and model of the Scriptures and what it\u2019s calling us to be, as human beings\u2014to call us away from our selfishness, to call us to the biblical model of following Jesus Christ, and training our kids to do the same. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to tell you something\u2014there\u2019s a lot on the line in every marriage that is listening to us right now. Generations are on the line\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014your children! The best picture that they\u2019ll ever see, apart from the Scriptures, of what a real marriage ought to be is your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Even in its imperfections, it can display what Barbara is talking about\u2014the nobility \/ the grandeur. Your kids will see something\u2014that they are going to say: \u201cYou know what? Mom and Dad could have ended it, but they didn\u2019t! They experienced the redemption of Jesus Christ. I want what they\u2019ve got! When I get married, I want one of those! And I\u2019m not going to settle for anything less.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way they get it is by absorbing your teaching about Jesus Christ, following Him, and deciding to make their parents\u2019 faith their own. But that means the parents need to have it first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and I would say that part of the way they get it, too, is by aligning themselves with God\u2019s design for us\u2014as men and women \/ as husbands and wives\u2014the unique assignment God has for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s one of the issues you\u2019re addressing, Barbara, as you talk to young wives about what it means for them to be godly wives. I\u2019d just encourage our listeners\u2014get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. This is a book that we\u2019re making available this month to folks who make a donation to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make an online donation. You can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make a donation over the phone; or you can mail a donation to us and request a copy of Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. We\u2019re happy to send it out to you as a \u201cThank you,\u201d for your support of the ministry of FamilyLife. We couldn\u2019t do what we do if it weren\u2019t for folks, like you, helping to support this ministry. So \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever gift you\u2019re able to help with. We\u2019re happy to send you Barbara\u2019s new book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>,when you get in touch with us\u2014again, online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear Barbara and a number of other women interacting in a panel conversation that took place a few years ago with a large crowd of women. You were talking about God\u2019s design for you, as a woman, as a wife, and as a mom. We\u2019ll hear that dialogue tomorrow. I hope our listeners can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303974","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303974"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303974"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303974"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303974"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303974"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303974"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303974"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}