{"id":303972,"date":"2016-04-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-04-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/building-up-your-man\/"},"modified":"2016-04-27T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-04-27T15:00:00","slug":"building-up-your-man","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-up-your-man\/","title":{"rendered":"Building Up Your Man"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What are you more focused on? Your husband&#8217;s faults or his virtues? Barbara Rainey, creator of Ever Thine Home\u00ae, talks to wives about being their husband&#8217;s biggest supporter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.72M","filesize_raw":"23828608","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2831],"tags":[6001,4738,6000,5999],"podcast_series":[7218],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303972","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-wives","tag-life-after-marriage","tag-loving-your-husband","tag-marriage-is-hard","tag-respect-your-husband","podcast_series-letters-to-my-daughters","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303972\/building-up-your-man","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303972\/building-up-your-man","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"0AN3UH5s99\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-up-your-man\/\">Building Up Your Man<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-up-your-man\/embed\/#?secret=0AN3UH5s99\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Building Up Your Man&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"0AN3UH5s99\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What are you more focused on? Your husband's faults or his virtues? Barbara Rainey, creator of Ever Thine Home\u00ae, talks to wives about being their husband's biggest supporter.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>See if you can spot where the challenge is here: You\u2019re a wife and a mom who wants things to go right. Marriage and family is messy, and your husband isn\u2019t perfect. You see how that can be a problem? Here\u2019s Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> One of the things that is true about us, as women\u2014I had a conversation with my daughter just yesterday on the phone about this\u2014is that it\u2019s so easy for us because of our emotional makeup to get very overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. So a woman, who is married and is discouraged by her relationship with her husband\u2014she can get so overwhelmed to the point where she just doesn\u2019t see clearly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, April 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What do you do, as a wife, when you get overwhelmed \/ discouraged by all that\u2019s going on? How do you deal with that? We\u2019re going to talk about it today with Barbara Rainey. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We\u2019re diving back into a rich field of ore today. I mean, there is some good stuff that we\u2019re going to be digging into.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have some pretty fair guests on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> from time to time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Max Lucado, Tony Evans, Crawford Loritts, Mary Kassian, Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth\u2014a lot of, really, pretty fair country guests.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Pretty good communicators with some pretty good biblical knowledge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; this one is a cut above.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Somebody who is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014just a cut above.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014kind of your favorite?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Definitely my favorite\u2014my bride of 43 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSweetheart, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know if I can live up to all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s pretty strong; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Very strong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, our listeners love you. We were with some friends here this past weekend and ran into a number of listeners. They came up and talked to Barbara about her books and Ever Thine Home<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014all the resources she\u2019s creating for wives, and moms, and women to be able to display their faith in their homes. It was kind of fun to watch them come out of the woodwork\u2014out of a large gathering of people\u2014come by and say, \u201cHi,\u201d to Barbara and say, \u201cI appreciate you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and a lot of buzz around your new book, which has just been out now for a few months. It\u2019s called <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. This really didn\u2019t start as a book; did it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It absolutely didn\u2019t. When our oldest son was engaged to be married, his fianc\u00e9e came to me and said, \u201cYou know, I would really love to hear some encouragement from you about being a wife.\u201d And I thought, \u201cWow!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She just opened the door; didn\u2019t she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I know. And I thought: \u201cWow. She opened the door. Then I\u2019m going to gently and cautiously walk through that door.\u201d And so I wasn\u2019t sure exactly how to go about doing it because we all lived in different places. It wasn\u2019t possible to take her out for coffee and have a conversation. So I decided I would start writing some letters\u2014just to share some of the lessons that I had learned over the years in being a wife \/ just by way of encouragement and, \u201cHere are some things that I learned, and maybe this will help you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you write them one-on-one to her or did you copy everybody else when you started?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I copied all three married girls. So our oldest, Ashley, who was already married, and then our son, Samuel, had married the same summer. So it went to three married girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then you expanded it out as this snowballed and continued?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We traded about\u2014I sent\u2014I\u2019ll rephrase that\u2014I sent about a dozen emails total. I don\u2019t know how much of it was that they didn\u2019t know me that well\u2014so there wasn\u2019t a lot of response\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014which I understood\u2014I mean, you know\u2014we\u2019re talking about subjects about marriage and this is your mother-in-law. What do you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> So I didn\u2019t get much feedback\u2014so they kind of dried up. Then, when our daughter Rebecca got married in 2005, I went and dug them all up and sent them to her kind of as a batch \/ a couple of them at a time. And that really was the end of it after that\u2014the email version.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think what\u2019s interesting about this is the whole idea came from a couple of sources. One was a book that was famous and very popular, back when Barbara and I were college students, by Charlie Shed. It\u2019s called <em>Letters to Karen<\/em>. It wasn\u2019t <em>Letters to My Daughter<\/em>, it was\u2014although, was Karen his daughter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Karen was his daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because I also got <em>Letters to Phillip<\/em>, which was the follow-up, which he\u2019d written letters to his son\u2014both of them around marriage subjects, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there was another kind of\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014birthplace of this idea of sending letters that was a part of Barbara\u2019s family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> When I was growing up, I remember my mother used to anxiously look for this large legal-size envelope that would come in the mail probably every couple of months. She had married my dad and they had moved two or three states away from where she grew up. It was a place where she knew no one. Although she developed friends, there were no family members anywhere near. She, and her mother, and some other relatives in the family, and friends had this exchange of letters, that were all handwritten, that went by the postal service. It was called a round robin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mother would write her letter, put it in the envelope, and send it on its way, where the next person would read my mother\u2019s letter and all of the other letters that were in it. She would take out her original letter, and put in a new letter, and send the packet on its way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt would just make this circle between these six or eight women that were a part of this group because nobody got on the phone and talked for fun in those days. You only used the phone for emergencies, or business, or important things. You didn\u2019t just get on it to chat. Letter writing was the only way that you really kept up with people who lived far away. They had this letter exchange that they passed around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just remember, very vividly, that every time that letter came \/ that packet\u2014with all those messages from home \/ touches with her family and friends that she didn\u2019t get to see very often\u2014she would get a cup of coffee and sit down. She <em>relished<\/em> those letters\u2014she read them and absorbed all that she could out of those communications from friends that she loved, and cared about, and missed deeply. That became a way for her to stay in touch with those friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s interesting, Bob\u2014now, in the present age of social media and having communication so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014tweets, and texts, and emails.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s so easy, you know. We have access to so much that the art of letter writing\u2014I mean, a really good thoughtful letter\u2014in fact, I have back on my desk a letter that was given to me by Steve Green, who is the President and CEO of Hobby Lobby, that he\u2019d obtained that was written by Thomas Jefferson, during his presidency. It\u2019s just interesting to have a copy of a letter that\u2019s over 200 years old and to think about the words being crafted\u2014how thoughtful it was. I think there\u2019s a need to recapture that\u2014both personal side but also just the thoughtful side \/ the contemplative side of: \u201cYou\u2019re facing some issues, let me step into your life and provide some guidance in a personal way for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not just shoot from the hip, but give some real thought to the response. Some of the letters\u2014because you will print a letter in here\u2014we should say this is not an actual letter from one of your daughters. People shouldn\u2019t read this and try to figure out which daughter was asking this question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You would take a composite of questions that were being asked of you\u2014subjects that your daughters were asking you about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and people who were coming up to Barbara at a <em>Weekend<\/em> <em>to<\/em> <em>Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have tens of thousands of people, who come to those events. When Barbara speaks, women stand in line to talk to her. These questions that are in the book are really questions that these women had asked Barbara from the <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m looking at one of the letters that you respond to in your book. You\u2019re tackling some pretty interesting stuff here. I mean, one of these letters asks this question\u2014it says: \u201cHey, Mom, sometimes I get tired of being discouraged by all the unexpected things that I have to deal with that come from the way my husband lives life. It\u2019s not just that we\u2019re different\u2014you already wrote me about\u2014that it\u2019s more than that. It\u2019s like I think, \u2018If I didn\u2019t have him, sometimes life would be easier.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow wait a sec! Do wives really feel that way? [Laughter] I mean, I\u2019m starting to feel a little insecure here! Does a wife really feel like sometimes life would be easier\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let me just stop you. What if your wife\u2019s name is on the book\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can feel real insecure now! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and you\u2019re on the radio!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me finish this\u2014it says, \u201cIt\u2019s kind of nice when he\u2019s out of town for a few days.\u201d This is a wife, who is saying, \u201cSometimes, I wonder if I\u2019d be happier, more satisfied, more fulfilled if I didn\u2019t have a husband to deal with.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, I think there are those moments when women do feel that way because the differences <em>never<\/em> go away\u2014that\u2019s the first chapter in the book. I write in the book that it\u2019s the first and most lasting adjustment to marriage because the differences never go away. Even though I\u2019m used to things that he brings to our world\u2014his personality, the way he approaches life, and his maleness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> His perspective is different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s very different. I think what this question is saying is\u2014that, sometimes, when a husband travels, there feels a little bit of a: \u201cOh I can do things the way I want to do things. I don\u2019t have to be just thinking about what I would like to do and \u2018How\u2019s this going to make him feel? How he\u2019s going to respond to this?\u2019 I can just do what I want to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I get that because I think, for husbands\u2014I think there\u2019s a similar\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I would expect so!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to have a break and just to be able to\u2014times when I\u2019m traveling, I\u2019m focused on whatever I\u2019m doing, traveling-wise, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Or if your wife goes on a women\u2019s retreat, you can just kind of veg and eat pizza all day long and not worry about anything; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sometimes, those breaks are nice to have; but you wouldn\u2019t want them to go on for very long.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In the midst of them, you do have a sense of something lacking, even if you\u2019re enjoying just the pause in the relationship; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right. Without question because we are complete in one another, and marriage does complete that which is lacking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, God says, \u201cThe two shall become one.\u201d There is a sense in which you can relax about some things when your husband or your wife is out of town, but there is that realization that life isn\u2019t the same without him in it. So it makes you miss one another and appreciate those differences \/ those things that the other person brings that are so very contradictory at times. But it is for good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When should a wife start to be concerned if she\u2019s thinking, \u201cI kind of wish he\u2019d go away for a few days because I really like it when he\u2019s gone.\u201d When can she tell: \u201cThis is an okay break,\u201d versus \u201cNo, this is us drifting toward isolation in our marriage\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cThis is unhealthy thinking.\u201d Here\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about\u2014we\u2019re talking about the very essence of marriage goes back to Genesis, where it says it was not good that man be alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it says, \u201cFor this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother; shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one.\u201d I think we get married because there\u2019s something lacking in our lives and that <em>something<\/em> is a person. It\u2019s the completeness of a husband and a wife in a marriage relationship designed by God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe two are asked to deny themselves, and to defeat isolation, and not grow into an unhealthy relationship where you long for the times when you\u2019re going to be separated. You need to keep the relationship alive and not forget why you married the other person in the first place. God brought you together\u2014you need to get on with it, and you need to learn how to embrace the differences.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It\u2019s okay to have a break occasionally; but the goal of marriage is being together, and becoming one, and allowing God to do his redemptive work in our lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ultimately, what marriage is all about is\u2014about two imperfect people learning how to love one another within the commitment of marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re going to school, with God teaching you from the Bible. I\u2019d have to say I didn\u2019t understand that when I enrolled in this course called marriage. But looking back over four decades of marriage, I\u2019d have to say I know more about love because of marriage than any other relationship in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some of the wives, who are listening to us have this conversation, are thinking: \u201cThe negatives that you\u2019re talking about with my husband\u2014some of these are pretty dark negatives. Some of these are negatives that cast such a shadow over the relationship that it\u2019s hard for me just to hold things together. How do I turn that into a positive? Or what do I do with those negatives? How do I deal with a husband who\u2014man! the negatives\u2014they\u2019re stark, and they\u2019re real, and it\u2019s really challenging?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m not married to Dennis,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you know, a wife, who\u2019s listening, is saying: \u201cI\u2019m not married to Dennis, who\u2019s a godly virtuous man, who is pursuing a walk with the Lord. I\u2019m married to a guy who\u2019s marginally interested in spiritual things, and who\u2019s yelling at the kids, and who\u2019s drinking too much. What do I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s a very complex question because there are so many levels and degrees of what constitute negatives and difficult things in a relationship. So let me answer it two ways. One is: \u201cAny wife has to start by looking at herself and saying: \u2018Okay; God, am I accepting the man that You\u2019ve put in my life? Am I giving thanks for him in his strengths and his weaknesses? Am I looking to You to do the transforming work?\u2019\u201d because you even said in your question \/ a woman says: \u201cWhat can I do? How do I relate to him and help transform him?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, it\u2019s not the wife\u2019s job. I think we so easily get caught up in thinking that it\u2019s our responsibility to fix him \/ to change him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do that with our kids\u2014we\u2019re always helping our kids. We talked about that on another broadcast that helping a husband is different than helping your kids. But it starts by her attitude and her perspective, and her belief in God and His sovereignty, and His ability to work. It starts with where she\u2019s focusing her eyes\u2014is she looking at all of the negative in his life to such a degree that she\u2019s totally forgotten all the good that there is? My first challenge is to her: \u201cAre you open to God being at work? Have you totally given up on Him? Are you giving thanks for your relationship the way it is?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the other side is: \u201cIf it really is indeed very, very difficult things that are beyond a woman\u2019s responsibility to deal with, you may need to see a counselor, you may need to get a pastor or someone who\u2019s wise and skilled to intervene\u2014to help you, to coach you, to guide you. Find an older woman who can be your mentor to help give you perspective. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that\u2019s true about us, as women\u2014I had a conversation with my daughter just yesterday on the phone about this\u2014is that it\u2019s so easy for us, because of our emotional makeup, to get very overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. So a woman\u2014who is married and is discouraged by her relationship with her husband\u2014she can get so overwhelmed to the point that she just doesn\u2019t see clearly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why a mentor is so helpful\u2014someone who can look at it objectively and say: \u201cYou know, it\u2019s probably not as bad as you think it is. Let me give you one or two things that you can try\u2014one or two practical suggestions that might make a difference for you,\u201d because we do lose perspective and we do\u2014we just get all out of sorts. It\u2019s very common for us, as women, to get discouraged with our marriages because we\u2019re just discouraged about life in general. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo check your heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind someone to help you \/ find a mentor\u2014find another woman who can speak objectively into your life and say, \u201cIt may not be as bad as you think it is, and here are some things you can try.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What I\u2019d say to my daughters is\u2014I\u2019d say: \u201cDo you remember when you\u2019d get up in the morning and see your mom reading the Bible? What was that symbolic of? It was that your mom was teachable, that she was trying to meet with God, and ultimately that her hope was in God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the woman, who\u2019s listening to us right now, who has lost hope\u2014she\u2019s got to have a spiritual thermometer check: \u201cHow\u2019s your relationship with God?\u201d You\u2019ve got to be reminded of who He is, how He operates in this imperfect world that we live in, and what he\u2019s calling us to do, which is live and walk by faith in the power of the Holy Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I just want to say to the moms, who are listening, who\u2019ve got a houseful of kids\u2014or even maybe one or two kids, but it feels like a full house to you\u2014I did not get up every morning and read my Bible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy kids didn\u2019t see me doing that every day. I just don\u2019t want anyone listening to think that I was that woman that got up every morning and read my Bible. There were weeks that I would go by and not read my Bible in the morning. I would talk to God, and I would pray, and I would try to catch snippets of the Bible here and there in different places; but I was pretty overwhelmed and pretty buried with kids and with life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, I totally agree with what you just said, Dennis, that it is absolutely crucial that your hope is in God and no place else. Your hope can\u2019t be in your husband because he will fail, that\u2019s a given. Put your hope in God, and keep it there, and do all that you can to maintain that. I just don\u2019t want anybody to feel like there\u2019s this standard of: \u201cI have to get up and read my Bible every morning before my kids are up.\u201d If you can do that, great! I couldn\u2019t do that, and I failed miserably many times; but my hope remained in Christ for the most part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There is a Proverb that I was thinking about as I was thinking about our listeners today, who are going to hear Barbara on this subject\u2014it is Proverbs, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 4, verse 23\u2014we quote it quite frequently, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014it says, \u201cKeep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.\u201d You may not be able to get in the Bible every day\u2014I\u2019m glad you said that, just to remove this mythical phantom that exists of the super spiritual mom, but your heart needs to know whom it is that you serve \/ who is your hope\u2014and you need to cultivate that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m glad you mentioned a mentor, or a friend, or even a counselor if things really go south\u2014or to keep them from going south\u2014someone that you can lean into and you can spill out your emotions in safety and talk about it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not just being negative but try to find someone who can coach you out of the ditch that you may be in. That\u2019s what church is all about \/ that\u2019s what the community of faith\u2014of Christ followers ought to be about. We ought to be meeting each other in our ditches and saying: \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s safe. We\u2019re all broken. There is nobody who\u2019s got it all together!\u201d But to maybe dig in with a group of women into a book like this, Bob, and decide: \u201cWe\u2019re going to get real with each other. We\u2019re going to get honest, and we\u2019re going to make sure our hope is in the right place.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was going to say\u2014at one level, that\u2019s what this book is all about. It is a mentoring book. It is an older woman mentoring younger women on what it means to be a wife according to God\u2019s design.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would just like to say here\u2014and I know I\u2019m biased\u2014so the listeners\u2014they already know that \/ they\u2019ve already heard me talk about Barbara in the past\u2014I\u2019m biased toward her. This is not a fluffy, feel-good book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a real-life book that talks about where you are living, as a woman, wife, mom, grandmother. I think it is life-giving\u2014it\u2019s the words of a wise woman that are bringing life to others because she\u2019s reminding people of the truth. People today need to get away from the culture, and the messages of the culture, and the messages of all their buddies on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and they need to dig in deep with someone who\u2019ll tell them the real truth and nothing but the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If it was just you and this book alone, that would be good for your soul; but if it could be you and three or four other women and this book together, I think that just adds a dimension to where there\u2019s wisdom in a multitude of counselors \/ there\u2019s life-on-life happening. There\u2019s a support that can happen there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019d encourage women to get together with three or four other women and get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. We have a downloadable discussion guide that is available so that you and your friends can go through this book together, and then, there are questions you can ask. Again, you can find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Order the book from us, online, at FamilLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you\u2019d like to order a copy of <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. It\u2019s the new book by Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we have an anniversary we want to acknowledge today\u2014Rick and Jill Bridges from Whittier, California, celebrating six years of marriage together. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Bridges on their sixth anniversary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife is celebrating an anniversary this year as well\u2014it is 40 years of ministry for us \/ we started back in 1976. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur whole goal with this ministry is to help more couples have more anniversaries. We want to provide you with practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family so that you have more years together\u2014more years where you are thriving, as a couple and as a family. We want to effectively develop families, who are anchored firmly in God\u2019s Word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who partner with us in this effort. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> could not exist if it weren\u2019t for friends, like you, who help support this ministry with your donations. Thank you for the part you play in helping to make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if you\u2019d like a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book, we are making that available to anyone who makes a donation today. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com make an online donation and get a copy of the book. Or request the book when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation. Or you can mail your donation to us, along with your request for Barbara\u2019s book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to talk more tomorrow about how a wife can stay positive and stay focused on affirming her husband, even when things aren\u2019t going well \/ even when he\u2019s not doing a great job. We\u2019re going to talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303972","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303972"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303972"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303972"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303972"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303972"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303972"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303972"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}