{"id":303954,"date":"2016-04-13T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-04-13T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/humility-overcomes-fear\/"},"modified":"2016-04-13T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-04-13T15:00:00","slug":"humility-overcomes-fear","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/humility-overcomes-fear\/","title":{"rendered":"Humility Overcomes Fear"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Ron Deal | Series: Fear Factor | When there is a root of pride present in one or both spouses, peace cannot flourish. Blended family expert Ron Deal reminds listeners that God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Ron explains that when you face your own fear and pride first, that opens the door to love and peace in your marriage.Show Notes &#038; ResourcesWeekend to Remember<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When there is a root of pride present in one or both spouses, peace cannot flourish. Ron Deal explains that when you face your own fear and pride first, that opens the door to love and peace in your marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-13.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.37M","filesize_raw":"26605651","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10444,2862],"tags":[4584,4182,4251],"podcast_series":[8136],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303954","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-advice","category-understanding-differences","tag-fear","tag-humility","tag-pride","podcast_series-fear-factor","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303954\/humility-overcomes-fear","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303954\/humility-overcomes-fear","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"K688LBcfF2\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/humility-overcomes-fear\/\">Humility Overcomes Fear<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/humility-overcomes-fear\/embed\/#?secret=K688LBcfF2\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Humility Overcomes Fear&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"K688LBcfF2\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When there is a root of pride present in one or both spouses in a marriage, peace cannot flourish in that kind of an environment. Here\u2019s Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble\u2014and so do spouses! They respond well to humility. Their heart softens when you soften you\u2014when you deal with you \/ you worry about the plank\u2014and you start dealing with how you deal with your fears and concerns, and you start acting godly and humble in that moment. Then, all of a sudden, they will soften, as they deal with you, as they care about you, as they reach towards you; because, when you\u2019re in pride, you\u2019re just trying to make them change; and now, they\u2019re going to oppose you. It just doesn\u2019t work!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, April 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll spend time today thinking about how perfect love does indeed cast fear out of a marriage and out of a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We\u2019re spending some time this week thinking about some of the unique fears that can be a part of the dynamic in a blended family or a stepfamily; although, as we\u2019ve already said, Dennis, fear can be a part of any family. I know you and Barbara\u2014this was one of the issues that you talk about having dealt with, early on, in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. Neither one of us were all that old--I was 24 \/ Barbara was 23--but one of the things we did, before we actually got engaged, is\u2014we actually wrote down a list of all of our fears about marriage. For us\u2014at least, for me\u2014I remember I had four pages, single spaced, of fears about marriage: about being known \/ about knowing another; fear of being a failure as a husband \/ as a provider; as perhaps of being a dad; fear of not having children; and fear of having children\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not knowing what to do after you had them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I think fear takes up residence in a lot of relationships; but certainly, as Ron Deal is going to point out here, I think fear has a feast in blended and stepfamilies because these relationships are formed with so many dramas and so many different circumstances surrounding two people who come together to form a marriage. There\u2019s already been some children occur\u2014whether it\u2019s been the death of a spouse, divorce, abandonment, whatever it might have been\u2014those bring about unusual circumstances, challenges, and yes, a lot of fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when fear is part of the climate in a marriage or in a family\u2014that throws everything a little off balance and can affect everybody\u2019s mood in the family. That is what Ron is going to address. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur regular listeners know who Ron Deal is because he is regularly with us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended\u2122. He\u2019s a well-known author and speaker on this subject. He wrote the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>. There\u2019s probably nobody in America who has been more focused on the issues facing blended families than Ron has been.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt about it, Bob; he is the best! I would just say\u2014lest there be a listener who thinks that this broadcast is only for those who are in stepfamily relationships\u2014fear takes up residence in all relationships. You\u2019re going to glean a lot from Ron\u2019s counsel today as he talks honestly and practically about how to deal with our fears.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s do a case study with Steve and Cindy. Steve and Cindy have been married two years. Steve has an 18-year-old and a 17-year-old\u2014Lynn\u2014girl \/ Larry\u2014brother. His first wife, Linda, died. I believe it was a physical illness\u2014I believe it was cancer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, when his wife died, his kids were early teens. So he has done life through the hard teen years as a single dad and was very focused on raising his kids. Then he meets Cindy. Cindy was never married to Bob; but they had a child together, Charles. So it\u2019s been Cindy and Charles\u2014very tight \/ surviving life for nine years. Now, they walk in; and they are trying to put this little combination together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I\u2019ll tell you about Steve\u2014he\u2019s a high-functioning dad\u2014[snapping fingers] going and blowing; get it done; gotta structure; gotta plan \/ working the plan. Because of the job demands that he had \/ his kids, being adolescents\u2014he really had to turn on the authority thing in him. So, through those teen years, he was large and in charge. He was a high authority: \u201cDo it,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s get on with it,\u201d \u201cBecause I said so,\u201d kind of style parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstantly, he\u2019s the stepdad to Charles, who\u2019s never had a man in his life\u2014a male\/masculine role model\u2014never had that. What he\u2019s had is mom, who was very protective and very guarded with him, and very much watching, and hovering over him. You could imagine\u2014Steve starts doing what he knows to do. He jumps in as stepdad and starts parenting the way he was, as dad, which makes sense to him. Of course, it would make sense to him; but he didn\u2019t realize that it\u2019s going to backfire on every level because Charles doesn\u2019t know what to do with all this. It\u2019s overwhelming for him. So Charles runs to Mommy\u2014like he always has\u2014who comes in as the protective hovering one, who then turns, with Momma-bear claws out, toward stepdad Steve; and we\u2019ve got problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s start with his fears\u2014that he\u2019s unimportant\u2014that he\u2019s loving again, but he\u2019s losing again, \u201cMan this is not working\u2014this marriage-thing.\u201d He feels powerless. So what does he do with that? He tries to fix it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s always talking to his wife \/ he\u2019s Mr. Problem-solver: \u201cWe\u2019re going to get around to this,\u201d\u2014he kind of kicks in the parenting authoritarian-thing because that\u2019s what he knows how to do. Then, when it doesn\u2019t work and it kind of unravels, he gets really angry. Then he detaches from everybody, and he goes off by himself: \u201cIt\u2019s a little easier to hang with my two kids, who get me, and not have to worry about Charles.\u201d He emotionally disengages, which really bothers his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat are her fears? Well she\u2019s feeling controlled. She\u2019s worried about Charles. Part of her marital fear is her mom-heart\u2014that\u2019s worried that Charles is getting overwhelmed, and he doesn\u2019t know how to respond\u2014\u201cSo glad you\u2019re in his life, as a male figure; but it\u2019s too much. I don\u2019t like this. So I\u2019m going to block you like I blocked the biological dad.\u201d She does that\u2014she fights back; she shuts down; she\u2019s on high alert; she\u2019s building walls; she\u2019s hovering and watching; and when the stepdad comes in to try to do a parenting thing, she\u2019s like: \u201cWhoa! Whoa! Whoa!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe tries to orchestrate stuff all the time. What\u2019s driving it?\u2014her fears. They get stuck doing the same thing over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to hear this: \u201cThese are two highly-intelligent, loving, godly believers. It\u2019s not like they are evil, manipulative people. They just get stuck in the pattern.\u201d The pattern takes on a life of its own\u2014\u201centrenched\u201d is the word we like to use. Fundamentally, what they\u2019re doing is\u2014trying to change one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about when he\u2019s doing these actions over here\u2014what he\u2019s saying to her is: \u201cStop being the person who makes me feel these things. Be somebody different.\u201d When she\u2019s doing this stuff over here, what she\u2019s fundamentally saying is: \u201cHey, you need to change buddy. Stop being something.\u201d They are both trying to change the other person, and that\u2019s what has to change for them to get out of this stuck loop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMatthew, Chapter 7, [verse1]\u2014Jesus talks about \u201cdon\u2019t judge\u201d or \u201ccondemn\u201d is another word. By the way, judge doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t make a determination about somebody else\u2019s behavior. He\u2019s talking about a hypocritical judgment, where you stand up in pride and go: \u201cI\u2019m just fine. You\u2019re messed up. I might even be guilty of the very same thing that you\u2019re guilty of, but I\u2019m going to point out your guilt. I\u2019m going to be focused on you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cDo not judge lest you be judged,\u201d\u2014\u201cHey, don\u2019t judge her and say she\u2019s wrong; or you\u2019ll be\u201d\u2014what?\u2014\u201cjudged. With the judgment you give will be the judgment you get.\u201d It creates a cycle. It just wraps back to you\u2014Jesus says in Matthew, Chapter 7\u2014oh, yes; it does! That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus has a strategy to help us not get into these kinds of crazy games, where we\u2019re so focused on everybody else\u2019s behavior. And it\u2019s to do what? Deal with <em>yourself<\/em>: \u201cWhy do you look at the speck in the other person\u2019s eye when you have a log or a plank in your own eye? First take the log\/plank out of your own eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>You<\/em> deal with <em>you<\/em>\u2014that is a heart shift! We need to put on a humility posture that says: \u201cWait a minute. I\u2019m not going to make you change the situation. I\u2019m going to deal with <em>me<\/em>. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em>: \u201cMy fears are my wife\u2019s problem,\u201d\u2014\u201cMy fears are <em>my<\/em> problem. I\u2019ve got to get a grip on <em>me<\/em> and what I do with my fears and handle it differently.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst Peter 5:5 is your verse of change; alright? Let me walk through this with you: \u201cClothe yourselves with humility toward one another because\u201d\u2014now, let\u2019s just pause for a minute there because, if I\u2019m listening to this and I\u2019m going: \u201cOkay; wait a minute. You\u2019re telling me you\u2019re about to give me the secret to having a good relationship, horizontally, with other people on earth: \u2018Clothe yourself with humility toward one another because\u2019\u201d\u2014but his answer \/ his explanation\u2014the <em>because<\/em> goes vertical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWatch this: \u201cClothe yourself with humility because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.\u201d There\u2019s this principle, where he lays out\u2014by the way, that\u2019s repeated a number of times in the Old Testament \/ a number of times in the New Testament. It\u2019s repeated in a different form and fashion by Jesus in a lot of different ways: \u201cGod opposes the proud.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou come before God and say: \u201cI got this! I\u2019ve got it all figured out. Don\u2019t need You, God. I\u2019m <em>fine<\/em> all on my own.\u201d God will <em>oppose<\/em> you\u2014He\u2019ll break you down\u2014but God gives grace to the humble. His heart softens towards people who come to Him in humility. It fosters a connectedness\u2014God moves <em>towards<\/em> us in our humility, and that fosters His grace then to lift us up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the other way that this is repeated in the New Testament\u2014this principle\u2014Jesus said: \u201cHe who exalts himself will be humbled,\u201d\u2014you come to Me in pride, I am going to break you down\u2014\u201cHe who humbles himself will be exalted.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s even said about Jesus in Philippians, Chapter 2\u2014\u201c\u2026He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has exalted Him to the highest name above all names [paraphrase of verses 8 and 9].\u201d See\u2014the process even works in that relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, with one another in human relationships\u2014in parent\/child relationships, in work relationships, and especially in marriage relationships \/ especially in marriage relationships\u2014here\u2019s the principle: \u201cGod opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,\u201d\u2014and so do spouses!\u2014and so do children; and so do co-workers; and so do employees. They respond well to humility. Their heart softens when you soften you\u2014when you deal with <em>you<\/em> \/ you worry about the plank\u2014and you start dealing with how you deal with your fears and your concerns; and you start acting godly and humble in that moment. Then, all of a sudden, they will soften as they deal with you, as they care about you, as they reach toward you because, when you\u2019re in pride, you\u2019re just trying to make them change; and now, they\u2019re going to oppose you. It just doesn\u2019t work! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the antidote to the fear factor is a shift in your heart to being humble about who you are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, how to do you make <em>that<\/em> work? How do you get humble about yourself? I want to share with you just one strategy. These four things that you say: \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u2014say your fear; say your typical actions; say the truth; say what you\u2019ll do differently,\u201d\u2014comes from the work of a good friend of mine, Terry Hargrave, who is a therapist at Fuller Theological Seminary. I want to give him credit for these ideas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really fascinating that there\u2019s actually some brain science that you change how your brain works when you do this humility stuff. It remaps your mind. From the time you were a baby, to the time you were a teenager, to the time you are a married adult, you may have done the same patterns over and over again. That creates a little rut in your brain; right?\u2014that\u2019s a simplistic way of saying it\u2014but the neuro-pathways in your brain, from stimulus to response, gets to be pretty engrained. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can actually <em>change<\/em> that pattern by doing this over, and over, and over, and over, and over. That\u2019s fascinating; right? In other words, God knows how cool humility is when we implement it\u2014it goes way <em>deep<\/em> in fostering a change in who we are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s think about that old fear dance a little bit: \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u201d\u2014say your fear: \u201cWhat I usually typically <em>fear<\/em> is control right now. What I <em>usually<\/em> <em>do<\/em> with that is\u2014I get defensive\u201d; right? \u201cThis is where I usually start arguing with you about what you just said.\u201d The <em>truth<\/em> is\u2014\u201cI\u2019m learning that you really care about me. Even though I kind of feel controlled, you\u2019re not trying to control me. I get that. You\u2019re just trying to reach me. So what I\u2019m going to <em>do<\/em> <em>differently<\/em> right now, instead of arguing with you, like I usually do, I\u2019m going to try to listen. I\u2019m going to try to just slow down and not say much\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cand just pause\u2014and I\u2019m going to try to hear you. I\u2019m going to try and understand what that means for you. I\u2019m going to try not to get all defensive about me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; does that magically fix everything? Does that just magically mean that everything\u2019s wonderful and everybody\u2019s happy all of a sudden? No! But, in that little tiny moment, we have just stopped that horrible, crazy fear-thing. We\u2019ve just taken a little bit of a detour \/ we\u2019ve taken a detour out of that, where now, we have a chance or an opportunity to go somewhere different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if I go through all that\u2014imagine, ladies, your husband walking in. You sit down at the table and say \/ you say one sentence; and he goes: \u201cWhoa! What I know about me is\u2014I\u2019m feeling controlled right now.\u201d [Laughter] Just imagine yourself\u2014you\u2019re sitting at that table\u2014this has happened a million times. He just said, \u201cI\u2019m feeling controlled right now, but what I know about me is that that\u2019s more about me than it is about you. I used to blame you for that. I used to accuse you of trying to be my momma, and now I understand you\u2019re really not trying to because the truth is you really don\u2019t want to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou just want to figure out how to deal with this kid situation. So you\u2019re not controlling me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he\u2019s saying all of this out loud. He\u2019s talking like crazy; and you\u2019re just sitting there, listening to that. Then he ends up by saying: \u201cSo what I\u2019m going to do is take a deep breath [breathes deeply]. I just fired off a little bullet prayer, saying, \u2018God please help me calm down,\u2019 and I\u2019m going to try and listen, without being reactive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; ladies\u2014if you\u2019re used to him being highly reactive \/ being all running off, \u201cYou\u2019re trying to be my momma\u2026\u201d\u2014and he did that, what might you feel? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Shocked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Shocked; right. We\u2019d have to pick you up off the floor \/ give you CPR. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Stunned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Stunned. And what else comes along with it\u2014what does that represent?\u2014shocked and stunned?\u2014like relieved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Grateful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Grateful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I think I hear, \u201cGrace.\u201d I think her heart just calmed a little bit\u2014so he shifted down \/ she\u2019s shifting down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs this leading to something better? Yes. Do we know exactly what? No. But it has a better chance of being grace-driven than being fear-driven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the thing: \u201cIf my desires are not being met, and then fear takes over so I start reacting out of my fear\u2014if I can, in humility, shift back\u2014now, we\u2019re responding out of desire again.\u201d That\u2019s usually a far better thing because that\u2019s the truth\u2014he\u2019s getting goofy because he <em>loves<\/em> her \/ she\u2019s getting <em>goofy<\/em> because she <em>loves<\/em> him. It\u2019s not because she hates him\u2014that\u2019s the whole point\u2014she is just trying to reach him! It\u2019s just the way she\u2019s gone about it has not been helpful in the past. But when she downgrades that and does it a little differently, all of a sudden, the reach makes sense. And they can maybe find each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble\u2014so do spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where God grows us up\u2014is when we begin to deal with ourselves in honest, and genuine, and humble ways, we can\u2019t help but begin to grow up. We can\u2019t help but become more loving and more grace-filled. That\u2019s where we notice the inadequacies in ourselves and where we let God in to change who we are and to help us to grow as people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of what marriage is about\u2014is helping us become more like Jesus. It\u2019s not supposed to be easy\u2014it\u2019s called discipleship. Your marriage is an act of discipleship. But if you\u2019re stuck in pride and looking at the other person\u2019s speck, you\u2019ll never deal with the log or begin to grow, as a person, or as an individual, or even be willing to get vulnerable on that level. I call that: \u201cThat\u2019s getting naked,\u201d because I\u2019m getting naked about me: \u201cThis is the real me. This is who I am.\u201d That\u2019s what humility does\u2014it makes me deal with me in a very honest and genuine way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what, folks? I think we just, in our dialogue here, went all the way back to the Garden of Eden because, in the Garden of Eden\u2014Adam and Eve, running around with God, naked and <em>unashamed<\/em> \/ to be vulnerable, not just with each other, but before God\u2014everything was all fine \/ it was <em>good<\/em>. I didn\u2019t care that you knew me entirely\u2014that\u2019s not just physically naked\u2014that\u2019s a metaphor for emotionally naked \/ spiritually naked\u2014vulnerable in our intimacy and connectedness with one another and about who I am. We are both humbled before the Holy One because \u201cHere we are with Him, and all is good and right.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the day came and pride rose up. All of a sudden: \u201cWe can do it our way, doggone-it. We don\u2019t need His rules. My rules are fine. I\u2019m fine. You\u2019re kind of messed up. We\u2019re eating this fruit.\u201d God opposes and kicks them out. When they went from naked and ashamed to clothed and hiding, we\u2019ve been hiding ever since\u2014hiding in fear \/ running away from vulnerability, and intimacy, and being known. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you can put on humility\u2014and go back to naked and unashamed about who you are, and how you are, and owning that and dealing with the log first\u2014it invites a grace to the experience that transforms that interaction and sends it in different directions \/ it sends it back to where it was designed to be. That\u2019s the irony of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomebody has to go first\u2014somebody has to put on humility. If you have competition in your marriage, compete for who puts on humility first; right?\u2014because everybody wins once that happens. The point is\u2014pride fosters opposition from everybody\u2014your spouse, your kids, your stepkids, your ex-whatever. Humility fosters grace and that always moves us in the right direction. Somebody said once, \u201cDo the thing you fear, and fear dies.\u201d Now that\u2019s not a universal truth \/ it\u2019s not perfect\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but dealing with the log, and doing something about it, more often than not, is a <em>really<\/em> good move. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening today to Part Two of a message from Ron Deal. This message was presented to leaders who work with couples who are in blended or stepfamilies. Last fall, we had an event out in Southern California, where there were hundreds of leaders from around the country who came in to talk about blended and stepfamily ministry. Ron Deal spoke to them as part of that event. He gives leadership to that event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Dennis, he\u2019s going to be leading the upcoming Summit on Stepfamily Ministry in September, out in Colorado Springs. You and I are both going to be there for that event. We are really hoping and praying that this is a movement that is beginning in our country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It needs to because this is, I think, the fastest-growing form of marriage and family in existence today\u2014a lot of blended families \/ stepfamilies being formed. I think the church has to be there to provide help and hope. That\u2019s what FamilyLife is committed to doing\u2014so is Focus on the Family\u2014they are partnering with us to put this on. Greg Smalley is going to be there speaking. You and I will be there doing some live interviews on stage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a pioneering ministry of the future. This is a ready-made ministry because this group of people is desperate to hear how the Scriptures apply to their situation in their blended family\u2014and to just kind of exhale and go: \u201cYou know what? Here we are. We are what we are. We\u2019re a stepfamily \/ a blended family.\u201d God has always showed up in circumstances that are ideal and less than ideal\u2014I mean, He delights in redemption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would just say: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be a leader in a stepfamily ministry to come and be a part of this national summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou may just be a pastor, who looks at your congregation and says: \u2018You know what? We have a lot of blended families here. I want to know how to most effectively minister to these folks.\u2019\u201d Then come out and join us on September 29 and 30 in Colorado Springs, at Focus on the Family, as we partner together for the 2016 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. You can find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link for the summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You\u2019ll also find Ron Deal\u2019s book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, available online as well. There\u2019s a video series that Ron has done on <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>. Find out more about all of it when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday is a special day for our friends, Darrin and Carie Rolls, who live in Granada Hills, California.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s Grenada [Gree-nay-da]. Is it Grenada [Gree-nay-da] Hills or Granada [Gra-nah-da] Hills? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know, but the Rolls live there. They\u2019ve been married 25 years today. They are celebrating their silver wedding anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, anniversaries are a <em>big<\/em> <em>deal<\/em> for everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are a <em>big<\/em> <em>deal<\/em> for us, here at FamilyLife, because the reason we exist is to provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family that gets you to your next anniversary, and the one after that, and the one after that, and has you thriving in the process. We are all about anniversaries here. Were celebrating our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary this year, but we are doing it by focusing on how God has enabled us to help more couples celebrate more anniversaries over the last 40 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who partner with us in helping to make all of this happen\u2014those of you who support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. This month, we are saying, \u201cThank you for your financial support,\u201d by sending you a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book, <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife. <\/em>It\u2019s a brand-new book. It\u2019s our thank-you gift when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to spend some time reflecting on the life and legacy of a guy who died four years ago this month. Chuck Colson graduated into eternity four years ago. We\u2019ll spend time talking to his biographer, Owen Strachan. He joins us tomorrow to reflect on <em>The Colson Way<\/em>. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch\u2014also, help from Mark Ramey today. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.37M"],"filesize_raw":["26605651"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303954.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303954.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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there is a root of pride present in one or both spouses, peace cannot flourish. Ron Deal explains that when you face your own fear and pride first, that opens the door to love and peace in your marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When there is a root of pride present in one or both spouses in a marriage, peace cannot flourish in that kind of an environment. Here\u2019s Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble\u2014and so do spouses! They respond well to humility. Their heart softens when you soften you\u2014when you deal with you \/ you worry about the plank\u2014and you start dealing with how you deal with your fears and concerns, and you start acting godly and humble in that moment. Then, all of a sudden, they will soften, as they deal with you, as they care about you, as they reach towards you; because, when you\u2019re in pride, you\u2019re just trying to make them change; and now, they\u2019re going to oppose you. It just doesn\u2019t work!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, April 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll spend time today thinking about how perfect love does indeed cast fear out of a marriage and out of a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We\u2019re spending some time this week thinking about some of the unique fears that can be a part of the dynamic in a blended family or a stepfamily; although, as we\u2019ve already said, Dennis, fear can be a part of any family. I know you and Barbara\u2014this was one of the issues that you talk about having dealt with, early on, in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. Neither one of us were all that old--I was 24 \/ Barbara was 23--but one of the things we did, before we actually got engaged, is\u2014we actually wrote down a list of all of our fears about marriage. For us\u2014at least, for me\u2014I remember I had four pages, single spaced, of fears about marriage: about being known \/ about knowing another; fear of being a failure as a husband \/ as a provider; as perhaps of being a dad; fear of not having children; and fear of having children\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not knowing what to do after you had them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I think fear takes up residence in a lot of relationships; but certainly, as Ron Deal is going to point out here, I think fear has a feast in blended and stepfamilies because these relationships are formed with so many dramas and so many different circumstances surrounding two people who come together to form a marriage. There\u2019s already been some children occur\u2014whether it\u2019s been the death of a spouse, divorce, abandonment, whatever it might have been\u2014those bring about unusual circumstances, challenges, and yes, a lot of fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when fear is part of the climate in a marriage or in a family\u2014that throws everything a little off balance and can affect everybody\u2019s mood in the family. That is what Ron is going to address. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur regular listeners know who Ron Deal is because he is regularly with us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended\u2122. He\u2019s a well-known author and speaker on this subject. He wrote the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>. There\u2019s probably nobody in America who has been more focused on the issues facing blended families than Ron has been.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt about it, Bob; he is the best! I would just say\u2014lest there be a listener who thinks that this broadcast is only for those who are in stepfamily relationships\u2014fear takes up residence in all relationships. You\u2019re going to glean a lot from Ron\u2019s counsel today as he talks honestly and practically about how to deal with our fears.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s do a case study with Steve and Cindy. Steve and Cindy have been married two years. Steve has an 18-year-old and a 17-year-old\u2014Lynn\u2014girl \/ Larry\u2014brother. His first wife, Linda, died. I believe it was a physical illness\u2014I believe it was cancer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, when his wife died, his kids were early teens. So he has done life through the hard teen years as a single dad and was very focused on raising his kids. Then he meets Cindy. Cindy was never married to Bob; but they had a child together, Charles. So it\u2019s been Cindy and Charles\u2014very tight \/ surviving life for nine years. Now, they walk in; and they are trying to put this little combination together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I\u2019ll tell you about Steve\u2014he\u2019s a high-functioning dad\u2014[snapping fingers] going and blowing; get it done; gotta structure; gotta plan \/ working the plan. Because of the job demands that he had \/ his kids, being adolescents\u2014he really had to turn on the authority thing in him. So, through those teen years, he was large and in charge. He was a high authority: \u201cDo it,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s get on with it,\u201d \u201cBecause I said so,\u201d kind of style parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstantly, he\u2019s the stepdad to Charles, who\u2019s never had a man in his life\u2014a male\/masculine role model\u2014never had that. What he\u2019s had is mom, who was very protective and very guarded with him, and very much watching, and hovering over him. You could imagine\u2014Steve starts doing what he knows to do. He jumps in as stepdad and starts parenting the way he was, as dad, which makes sense to him. Of course, it would make sense to him; but he didn\u2019t realize that it\u2019s going to backfire on every level because Charles doesn\u2019t know what to do with all this. It\u2019s overwhelming for him. So Charles runs to Mommy\u2014like he always has\u2014who comes in as the protective hovering one, who then turns, with Momma-bear claws out, toward stepdad Steve; and we\u2019ve got problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s start with his fears\u2014that he\u2019s unimportant\u2014that he\u2019s loving again, but he\u2019s losing again, \u201cMan this is not working\u2014this marriage-thing.\u201d He feels powerless. So what does he do with that? He tries to fix it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s always talking to his wife \/ he\u2019s Mr. Problem-solver: \u201cWe\u2019re going to get around to this,\u201d\u2014he kind of kicks in the parenting authoritarian-thing because that\u2019s what he knows how to do. Then, when it doesn\u2019t work and it kind of unravels, he gets really angry. Then he detaches from everybody, and he goes off by himself: \u201cIt\u2019s a little easier to hang with my two kids, who get me, and not have to worry about Charles.\u201d He emotionally disengages, which really bothers his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat are her fears? Well she\u2019s feeling controlled. She\u2019s worried about Charles. Part of her marital fear is her mom-heart\u2014that\u2019s worried that Charles is getting overwhelmed, and he doesn\u2019t know how to respond\u2014\u201cSo glad you\u2019re in his life, as a male figure; but it\u2019s too much. I don\u2019t like this. So I\u2019m going to block you like I blocked the biological dad.\u201d She does that\u2014she fights back; she shuts down; she\u2019s on high alert; she\u2019s building walls; she\u2019s hovering and watching; and when the stepdad comes in to try to do a parenting thing, she\u2019s like: \u201cWhoa! Whoa! Whoa!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe tries to orchestrate stuff all the time. What\u2019s driving it?\u2014her fears. They get stuck doing the same thing over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to hear this: \u201cThese are two highly-intelligent, loving, godly believers. It\u2019s not like they are evil, manipulative people. They just get stuck in the pattern.\u201d The pattern takes on a life of its own\u2014\u201centrenched\u201d is the word we like to use. Fundamentally, what they\u2019re doing is\u2014trying to change one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about when he\u2019s doing these actions over here\u2014what he\u2019s saying to her is: \u201cStop being the person who makes me feel these things. Be somebody different.\u201d When she\u2019s doing this stuff over here, what she\u2019s fundamentally saying is: \u201cHey, you need to change buddy. Stop being something.\u201d They are both trying to change the other person, and that\u2019s what has to change for them to get out of this stuck loop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMatthew, Chapter 7, [verse1]\u2014Jesus talks about \u201cdon\u2019t judge\u201d or \u201ccondemn\u201d is another word. By the way, judge doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t make a determination about somebody else\u2019s behavior. He\u2019s talking about a hypocritical judgment, where you stand up in pride and go: \u201cI\u2019m just fine. You\u2019re messed up. I might even be guilty of the very same thing that you\u2019re guilty of, but I\u2019m going to point out your guilt. I\u2019m going to be focused on you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cDo not judge lest you be judged,\u201d\u2014\u201cHey, don\u2019t judge her and say she\u2019s wrong; or you\u2019ll be\u201d\u2014what?\u2014\u201cjudged. With the judgment you give will be the judgment you get.\u201d It creates a cycle. It just wraps back to you\u2014Jesus says in Matthew, Chapter 7\u2014oh, yes; it does! That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus has a strategy to help us not get into these kinds of crazy games, where we\u2019re so focused on everybody else\u2019s behavior. And it\u2019s to do what? Deal with <em>yourself<\/em>: \u201cWhy do you look at the speck in the other person\u2019s eye when you have a log or a plank in your own eye? First take the log\/plank out of your own eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>You<\/em> deal with <em>you<\/em>\u2014that is a heart shift! We need to put on a humility posture that says: \u201cWait a minute. I\u2019m not going to make you change the situation. I\u2019m going to deal with <em>me<\/em>. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em>: \u201cMy fears are my wife\u2019s problem,\u201d\u2014\u201cMy fears are <em>my<\/em> problem. I\u2019ve got to get a grip on <em>me<\/em> and what I do with my fears and handle it differently.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst Peter 5:5 is your verse of change; alright? Let me walk through this with you: \u201cClothe yourselves with humility toward one another because\u201d\u2014now, let\u2019s just pause for a minute there because, if I\u2019m listening to this and I\u2019m going: \u201cOkay; wait a minute. You\u2019re telling me you\u2019re about to give me the secret to having a good relationship, horizontally, with other people on earth: \u2018Clothe yourself with humility toward one another because\u2019\u201d\u2014but his answer \/ his explanation\u2014the <em>because<\/em> goes vertical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWatch this: \u201cClothe yourself with humility because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.\u201d There\u2019s this principle, where he lays out\u2014by the way, that\u2019s repeated a number of times in the Old Testament \/ a number of times in the New Testament. It\u2019s repeated in a different form and fashion by Jesus in a lot of different ways: \u201cGod opposes the proud.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou come before God and say: \u201cI got this! I\u2019ve got it all figured out. Don\u2019t need You, God. I\u2019m <em>fine<\/em> all on my own.\u201d God will <em>oppose<\/em> you\u2014He\u2019ll break you down\u2014but God gives grace to the humble. His heart softens towards people who come to Him in humility. It fosters a connectedness\u2014God moves <em>towards<\/em> us in our humility, and that fosters His grace then to lift us up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the other way that this is repeated in the New Testament\u2014this principle\u2014Jesus said: \u201cHe who exalts himself will be humbled,\u201d\u2014you come to Me in pride, I am going to break you down\u2014\u201cHe who humbles himself will be exalted.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s even said about Jesus in Philippians, Chapter 2\u2014\u201c\u2026He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has exalted Him to the highest name above all names [paraphrase of verses 8 and 9].\u201d See\u2014the process even works in that relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, with one another in human relationships\u2014in parent\/child relationships, in work relationships, and especially in marriage relationships \/ especially in marriage relationships\u2014here\u2019s the principle: \u201cGod opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,\u201d\u2014and so do spouses!\u2014and so do children; and so do co-workers; and so do employees. They respond well to humility. Their heart softens when you soften you\u2014when you deal with <em>you<\/em> \/ you worry about the plank\u2014and you start dealing with how you deal with your fears and your concerns; and you start acting godly and humble in that moment. Then, all of a sudden, they will soften as they deal with you, as they care about you, as they reach toward you because, when you\u2019re in pride, you\u2019re just trying to make them change; and now, they\u2019re going to oppose you. It just doesn\u2019t work! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the antidote to the fear factor is a shift in your heart to being humble about who you are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, how to do you make <em>that<\/em> work? How do you get humble about yourself? I want to share with you just one strategy. These four things that you say: \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u2014say your fear; say your typical actions; say the truth; say what you\u2019ll do differently,\u201d\u2014comes from the work of a good friend of mine, Terry Hargrave, who is a therapist at Fuller Theological Seminary. I want to give him credit for these ideas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really fascinating that there\u2019s actually some brain science that you change how your brain works when you do this humility stuff. It remaps your mind. From the time you were a baby, to the time you were a teenager, to the time you are a married adult, you may have done the same patterns over and over again. That creates a little rut in your brain; right?\u2014that\u2019s a simplistic way of saying it\u2014but the neuro-pathways in your brain, from stimulus to response, gets to be pretty engrained. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can actually <em>change<\/em> that pattern by doing this over, and over, and over, and over, and over. That\u2019s fascinating; right? In other words, God knows how cool humility is when we implement it\u2014it goes way <em>deep<\/em> in fostering a change in who we are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s think about that old fear dance a little bit: \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u201d\u2014say your fear: \u201cWhat I usually typically <em>fear<\/em> is control right now. What I <em>usually<\/em> <em>do<\/em> with that is\u2014I get defensive\u201d; right? \u201cThis is where I usually start arguing with you about what you just said.\u201d The <em>truth<\/em> is\u2014\u201cI\u2019m learning that you really care about me. Even though I kind of feel controlled, you\u2019re not trying to control me. I get that. You\u2019re just trying to reach me. So what I\u2019m going to <em>do<\/em> <em>differently<\/em> right now, instead of arguing with you, like I usually do, I\u2019m going to try to listen. I\u2019m going to try to just slow down and not say much\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cand just pause\u2014and I\u2019m going to try to hear you. I\u2019m going to try and understand what that means for you. I\u2019m going to try not to get all defensive about me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; does that magically fix everything? Does that just magically mean that everything\u2019s wonderful and everybody\u2019s happy all of a sudden? No! But, in that little tiny moment, we have just stopped that horrible, crazy fear-thing. We\u2019ve just taken a little bit of a detour \/ we\u2019ve taken a detour out of that, where now, we have a chance or an opportunity to go somewhere different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if I go through all that\u2014imagine, ladies, your husband walking in. You sit down at the table and say \/ you say one sentence; and he goes: \u201cWhoa! What I know about me is\u2014I\u2019m feeling controlled right now.\u201d [Laughter] Just imagine yourself\u2014you\u2019re sitting at that table\u2014this has happened a million times. He just said, \u201cI\u2019m feeling controlled right now, but what I know about me is that that\u2019s more about me than it is about you. I used to blame you for that. I used to accuse you of trying to be my momma, and now I understand you\u2019re really not trying to because the truth is you really don\u2019t want to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou just want to figure out how to deal with this kid situation. So you\u2019re not controlling me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he\u2019s saying all of this out loud. He\u2019s talking like crazy; and you\u2019re just sitting there, listening to that. Then he ends up by saying: \u201cSo what I\u2019m going to do is take a deep breath [breathes deeply]. I just fired off a little bullet prayer, saying, \u2018God please help me calm down,\u2019 and I\u2019m going to try and listen, without being reactive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; ladies\u2014if you\u2019re used to him being highly reactive \/ being all running off, \u201cYou\u2019re trying to be my momma\u2026\u201d\u2014and he did that, what might you feel? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Shocked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Shocked; right. We\u2019d have to pick you up off the floor \/ give you CPR. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Stunned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Stunned. And what else comes along with it\u2014what does that represent?\u2014shocked and stunned?\u2014like relieved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Grateful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Grateful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I think I hear, \u201cGrace.\u201d I think her heart just calmed a little bit\u2014so he shifted down \/ she\u2019s shifting down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs this leading to something better? Yes. Do we know exactly what? No. But it has a better chance of being grace-driven than being fear-driven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the thing: \u201cIf my desires are not being met, and then fear takes over so I start reacting out of my fear\u2014if I can, in humility, shift back\u2014now, we\u2019re responding out of desire again.\u201d That\u2019s usually a far better thing because that\u2019s the truth\u2014he\u2019s getting goofy because he <em>loves<\/em> her \/ she\u2019s getting <em>goofy<\/em> because she <em>loves<\/em> him. It\u2019s not because she hates him\u2014that\u2019s the whole point\u2014she is just trying to reach him! It\u2019s just the way she\u2019s gone about it has not been helpful in the past. But when she downgrades that and does it a little differently, all of a sudden, the reach makes sense. And they can maybe find each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble\u2014so do spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where God grows us up\u2014is when we begin to deal with ourselves in honest, and genuine, and humble ways, we can\u2019t help but begin to grow up. We can\u2019t help but become more loving and more grace-filled. That\u2019s where we notice the inadequacies in ourselves and where we let God in to change who we are and to help us to grow as people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of what marriage is about\u2014is helping us become more like Jesus. It\u2019s not supposed to be easy\u2014it\u2019s called discipleship. Your marriage is an act of discipleship. But if you\u2019re stuck in pride and looking at the other person\u2019s speck, you\u2019ll never deal with the log or begin to grow, as a person, or as an individual, or even be willing to get vulnerable on that level. I call that: \u201cThat\u2019s getting naked,\u201d because I\u2019m getting naked about me: \u201cThis is the real me. This is who I am.\u201d That\u2019s what humility does\u2014it makes me deal with me in a very honest and genuine way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what, folks? I think we just, in our dialogue here, went all the way back to the Garden of Eden because, in the Garden of Eden\u2014Adam and Eve, running around with God, naked and <em>unashamed<\/em> \/ to be vulnerable, not just with each other, but before God\u2014everything was all fine \/ it was <em>good<\/em>. I didn\u2019t care that you knew me entirely\u2014that\u2019s not just physically naked\u2014that\u2019s a metaphor for emotionally naked \/ spiritually naked\u2014vulnerable in our intimacy and connectedness with one another and about who I am. We are both humbled before the Holy One because \u201cHere we are with Him, and all is good and right.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the day came and pride rose up. All of a sudden: \u201cWe can do it our way, doggone-it. We don\u2019t need His rules. My rules are fine. I\u2019m fine. You\u2019re kind of messed up. We\u2019re eating this fruit.\u201d God opposes and kicks them out. When they went from naked and ashamed to clothed and hiding, we\u2019ve been hiding ever since\u2014hiding in fear \/ running away from vulnerability, and intimacy, and being known. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you can put on humility\u2014and go back to naked and unashamed about who you are, and how you are, and owning that and dealing with the log first\u2014it invites a grace to the experience that transforms that interaction and sends it in different directions \/ it sends it back to where it was designed to be. That\u2019s the irony of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomebody has to go first\u2014somebody has to put on humility. If you have competition in your marriage, compete for who puts on humility first; right?\u2014because everybody wins once that happens. The point is\u2014pride fosters opposition from everybody\u2014your spouse, your kids, your stepkids, your ex-whatever. Humility fosters grace and that always moves us in the right direction. Somebody said once, \u201cDo the thing you fear, and fear dies.\u201d Now that\u2019s not a universal truth \/ it\u2019s not perfect\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but dealing with the log, and doing something about it, more often than not, is a <em>really<\/em> good move. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening today to Part Two of a message from Ron Deal. This message was presented to leaders who work with couples who are in blended or stepfamilies. Last fall, we had an event out in Southern California, where there were hundreds of leaders from around the country who came in to talk about blended and stepfamily ministry. Ron Deal spoke to them as part of that event. He gives leadership to that event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Dennis, he\u2019s going to be leading the upcoming Summit on Stepfamily Ministry in September, out in Colorado Springs. You and I are both going to be there for that event. We are really hoping and praying that this is a movement that is beginning in our country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It needs to because this is, I think, the fastest-growing form of marriage and family in existence today\u2014a lot of blended families \/ stepfamilies being formed. I think the church has to be there to provide help and hope. That\u2019s what FamilyLife is committed to doing\u2014so is Focus on the Family\u2014they are partnering with us to put this on. Greg Smalley is going to be there speaking. You and I will be there doing some live interviews on stage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a pioneering ministry of the future. This is a ready-made ministry because this group of people is desperate to hear how the Scriptures apply to their situation in their blended family\u2014and to just kind of exhale and go: \u201cYou know what? Here we are. We are what we are. We\u2019re a stepfamily \/ a blended family.\u201d God has always showed up in circumstances that are ideal and less than ideal\u2014I mean, He delights in redemption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would just say: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be a leader in a stepfamily ministry to come and be a part of this national summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou may just be a pastor, who looks at your congregation and says: \u2018You know what? We have a lot of blended families here. I want to know how to most effectively minister to these folks.\u2019\u201d Then come out and join us on September 29 and 30 in Colorado Springs, at Focus on the Family, as we partner together for the 2016 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. You can find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link for the summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You\u2019ll also find Ron Deal\u2019s book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, available online as well. There\u2019s a video series that Ron has done on <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>. Find out more about all of it when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday is a special day for our friends, Darrin and Carie Rolls, who live in Granada Hills, California.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s Grenada [Gree-nay-da]. Is it Grenada [Gree-nay-da] Hills or Granada [Gra-nah-da] Hills? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know, but the Rolls live there. They\u2019ve been married 25 years today. They are celebrating their silver wedding anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, anniversaries are a <em>big<\/em> <em>deal<\/em> for everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are a <em>big<\/em> <em>deal<\/em> for us, here at FamilyLife, because the reason we exist is to provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family that gets you to your next anniversary, and the one after that, and the one after that, and has you thriving in the process. We are all about anniversaries here. Were celebrating our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary this year, but we are doing it by focusing on how God has enabled us to help more couples celebrate more anniversaries over the last 40 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who partner with us in helping to make all of this happen\u2014those of you who support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. This month, we are saying, \u201cThank you for your financial support,\u201d by sending you a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book, <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife. <\/em>It\u2019s a brand-new book. It\u2019s our thank-you gift when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone; or when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to spend some time reflecting on the life and legacy of a guy who died four years ago this month. Chuck Colson graduated into eternity four years ago. We\u2019ll spend time talking to his biographer, Owen Strachan. He joins us tomorrow to reflect on <em>The Colson Way<\/em>. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch\u2014also, help from Mark Ramey today. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303954","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303954"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303954"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303954"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303954"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303954"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303954"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303954"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}