{"id":303950,"date":"2016-04-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-04-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/facing-the-storms\/"},"modified":"2016-04-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-04-11T15:00:00","slug":"facing-the-storms","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-the-storms\/","title":{"rendered":"Facing the Storms"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey talks about walking through the storms of life. Barbara recalls one of their hardest seasons of life, and tells how they continued to believe in God&#8217;s sovereignty through it all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-11.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.67M","filesize_raw":"26915173","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2860,2831],"tags":[4114,4669,4670],"podcast_series":[7218],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303950","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-wives","tag-differences-in-marriage","tag-for-better-for-worse","tag-tough-times","podcast_series-letters-to-my-daughters","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303950\/facing-the-storms","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303950\/facing-the-storms","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"t4uFeTUGKT\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-the-storms\/\">Facing the Storms<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-the-storms\/embed\/#?secret=t4uFeTUGKT\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Facing the Storms&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"t4uFeTUGKT\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Barbara Rainey talks about walking through the storms of life. Barbara recalls one of their hardest seasons of life, and tells how they continued to believe in God's sovereignty through it all.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-04-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>To be the woman and the wife that God created you to be, you have to know how to walk by faith on the good days and on the dark days. Here\u2019s Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Most people who have been through suffering\u2014whether it\u2019s shallow, small things or really deep, tragic things\u2014can say, on the other side, \u201cI didn\u2019t enjoy it \/ I didn\u2019t like it, but I knew God better as a result.\u201d I\u2019ve heard so many people say that. I would say it\u2019s true about us too. We\u2019ve learned more about God in the valleys than we have on the high places and hills in the sunshine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to spend time today exploring how a husband and wife can draw closer together and become one when they\u2019re walking in the valley in the path of suffering. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Anybody who has ever been to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways knows that, on Friday night, as we are getting underway, we spend some time talking about the common potholes that derail\/destabilize marriage relationships. There are some things that are pretty standard \/ pretty common that can cause a marriage to wobble at high speeds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we begin the conference with a message that is really about five threats to your oneness\u2014five threats to your marriage \/ five threats to your marriage going the distance over your lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of those threats is a failure to anticipate the unexpected trials that come into a marriage. It\u2019s not a question of whether unexpected trials will come into a marriage; but \u201cHow do you respond when they do?\u201d because all of us are going to hit them; aren\u2019t we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, if you think about it\u2014the vows are built \/ the traditional vows: \u201c\u2026in sickness and in health \/ in financial success and in also being poor.\u201d I mean, the basis of what we promise, when we establish the marriage covenant, is that we\u2019re going to take the storm head-on. We don\u2019t know what it will be; but we\u2019re pledging to one another to not quit, but to keep on loving, keep on believing, and make our marriage go the distance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we are taking some time this week to talk with your wife Barbara. Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about some of those valleys and dark places that the two of you have walked together in 40-plus years of marriage and how you\u2019ve not quit in the midst of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what Barbara has done is\u2014she has taken the past\u2014almost ten\u2014years to complete a book to wives called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em> that is designed to be what it is. It\u2019s an older woman stepping into the life of a younger woman with sage advice \/ with seasoned advice\u2014with the advice that comes after four decades of marriage. I love what you\u2019ve done here because, honestly, there are a good number of books out there about being a wife\u2014and there is a lot of fluff \/ it\u2019s kind of \u201cHow to\u2026\u201d\u2014but not really tied into the reality of what women are facing today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way this book is constructed\u2014you <em>end<\/em> it with this subject that Bob\u2019s talking about here\u2014the subject of suffering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess I\u2019d have to ask you: \u201cIs that because of what you and I have been through in 40\/ almost 44 years of marriage?\u2014because we have been through some dark valleys together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s why it\u2019s in there; because it has been an integral part of our marriage relationship. It\u2019s in there because I think most brides \/ most young women get married with some of what I call \u201cfairy tale theology.\u201d They get married thinking that: \u201cEverything is going to be great for us. We\u2019re not going to have difficulties. Yes, there will be some uncomfortable moments, but we\u2019re not going to really have hard stuff. We\u2019re going to be great. We love each other, and everything\u2019s going to be great.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those who are Christians\u2014like you and I were when we got married\u2014we also start our marriages out thinking: \u201cYou know, we believe in God. If we do it God\u2019s way, it\u2019s going to all be good. We\u2019re not going to have any hard things.\u201d That was how I started our marriage\u2014thinking: \u201cA plus B equals C. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIf I obey God and I do these things that are in the Bible, then God, therefore, will give us an easy, nice life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, do you have a new equation now if it\u2019s not \u201cA plus B equals C\u201d? What would you say to a young wife, who says, \u201cIf it\u2019s not that, what is it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> There\u2019s a lot of algebra! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some calculus\u2014[Laughter]\u2014a little geometry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And I don\u2019t know algebra very well; so I can\u2019t even give you the formula! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we\u2019re laughing, but it\u2019s the hard stuff of life. This is a broken world. There is a heaven, and it\u2019s not here \/ it\u2019s not now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> God came, in the person of Jesus Christ, to give us an abundant life <em>now<\/em> and help us face these hardships; but it\u2019s like the funeral you and I participated in earlier this year\u2014a dear couple that we love greatly, who buried the body of their 15-year-old son. It\u2019s unthinkable\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the grief of losing a child! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo couple\u2014standing at the altar, about to say their vows to each other\u2014can even <em>fathom<\/em> the grief, the loss, the agony, the darkness of the valley. And yet, there are a lot of our listeners\u2014who are in it right now, or who are about to go in it, or who have been in the valley and they\u2019ve come out the other side\u2014they\u2019re nodding their heads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And one of the things I\u2019ve heard you say before, Barbara\u2014is knowing that those valleys are ahead\u2014you don\u2019t know when they\u2019re coming \/ you don\u2019t know where they are\u2014it could be months \/ it could be years before you head into one\u2014but the time to prepare your marriage and the time to get ready to walk through the valley is not when you find yourself in it\u2014it\u2019s while you\u2019re still walking in the sunlight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. And I think that it also illustrates that the importance of building your marriage today because we don\u2019t know how many days we have. Our days are all numbered, but we don\u2019t know what the last number is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat reminds us that <em>today<\/em> is the day we need to focus on. Today is the day we need to live\u2014as if it were our last, even though that\u2019s hard to do in a practical way\u2014but we need to focus on making our marriage all it can be today. Focus on getting to know Christ today \/ focus on growing today so that, when those hard times do come\u2014and they will come\u2014because Jesus said, \u201cIn this world, you will have trouble,\u201d\u2014period \/ done\u2014\u201c\u2026you will have trouble.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t like that \/ I never liked that verse\u2014I always kind of wondered why it was even in there. It is because He\u2019s telling us the truth that we will have trouble and we will have difficulty. So the best way to prepare is to live each day on purpose and to live each day with focus and intentionality in your relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You don\u2019t prepare for the storm in the middle of the storm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will never forget a Green Beret, who came up to me at one of our <em>Weekend to<\/em> <em>Remember <\/em>marriage getaways, way back when we started FamilyLife years and years ago. He came up and said, \u201cDennis, as a Green Beret, we practice what to do in a crisis over, and over, and over again in training so that, when we were in the crisis, it was second nature \/ we knew what to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what people need to look at is\u2014to look at the Bible as the training manual. We need to know how to live <em>now<\/em> in light of eternity. As a married couple, you have to know how to live together. We\u2019ve been through some hard things in our family \/ some difficult challenges. It\u2019s true, Bob, husbands and wives do not suffer the same \/ they do not process grief in the same way. We\u2019re different, as male and female.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m so glad that Barbara has this chapter in her book to coach women to know how to view suffering \/ how to view the valley in their marriage and not lose heart \/ not lose hope\u2014but to not give up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sometimes in a marriage, Barbara, we are plunged into a deep valley, where it\u2019s the kind of darkness we\u2019ve talked about here\u2014burying a child or\u2014I know, for you and Dennis\u2014the loss of a grandchild, years ago, was one of those deep valleys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor a lot of wives, the valley is not as deep; but it\u2019s kind of a shallow, prolonged valley. You wouldn\u2019t necessarily even call it suffering, but it\u2019s just a general discontentedness about life and where you are. It drags on you every day. If a wife is in that moment, where she\u2019s saying, \u201cThis is not what I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014\u201csigned up for\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cJust not what I thought life was going to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s not what I thought marriage was going to be. I thought having kids would be more fun than this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What does she do in that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, first of all, I want to say that that <em>is <\/em>suffering. It\u2019s just a different kind of suffering because I think that is a common experience for many, many women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a lot of us go through seasons of life, whether it\u2019s because of hormones or it\u2019s because of the season that our kids are in. I remember a season like that for me, in the late teen years, before we became empty nesters. I remember being so <em>exhausted<\/em> every single day. I think there\u2019s a cumulative effect that a lot of mothers feel\u2014it just kind of builds\u2014so that by the time you\u2019re in your 40s or pushing 50, there\u2019s this general fatigue with life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that is a kind of suffering because we do live in a broken world. That is a difficult thing to deal with because it affects everything about you\u2014it affects your marriage, your kids that are still at home, your perception of yourself, your perception of life, your enjoyment of life. So I think that those really can be called kinds of suffering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the answer is--and I don\u2019t want this to sound like a pat answer because there isn\u2019t a pat answer\u2014but I think the bottom line is: \u201cContinuing to believe God that He is in control and that this too shall pass.\u201d It\u2019s pulling back and looking at the big picture. I describe this as watercolor painting in my book because one of the things about creating a painting is\u2014you come up with an initial sketch, and you\u2019ve got to decide where the horizon line is, and what\u2019s going to be your focal point. Often, when you\u2019re doing a painting of any kind\u2014and even a sculpture, although I don\u2019t do that, but I think the same principle is true with any kind of art\u2014you have to pull back. One of the things that\u2019s important about doing a painting is\u2014you walk six feet away and look at it \/ or maybe even farther\u2014and you see the <em>whole<\/em> more clearly when you\u2019re away from it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same is true in our lives\u2014we need to pull back \/ remind ourselves of the big picture: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGod is in control. He still loves me. He\u2019s working good in my life, even though I don\u2019t see it or feel it and I don\u2019t know what the outcome is going to be. I can trust Him.\u201d I think the message is, \u201cDon\u2019t quit when it gets hard.\u201d Our temptation is to want to run away when things get hard or when things get difficult\u2014to escape from the pressure, escape from the pain, escape from whatever it is that you\u2019re feeling as a result of the suffering. But God is saying: \u201cNo. Stay there. I\u2019m with you. I won\u2019t abandon you. I\u2019m going to use this for good.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And back to the motif or the illustration of watercolors. Bob, I\u2019ve watched Barbara create paintings; and it\u2019s fascinating how she shows off light. You would think that would be pretty simple; but to a non-artistic person like me, it\u2019s fascinating how you use dark colors to show off the light. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Barbara\u2019s actually talking about here is\u2014I think that God allows the darkness\u2014God allows the valleys \/ He allows the disappointments and the unmet expectations\u2014those things to come into our lives to create some contrast that will call us to trust Him. Because, frankly, if everything went our own way,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014we wouldn\u2019t need Him or we wouldn\u2019t trust Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014we wouldn\u2019t need God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we could live our whole lives just being \u201chappy.\u201d Well, you know what? <em>That<\/em> isn\u2019t going to happen! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re not going to be able to live \u201ca happy life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I do think there are a lot of wives who\u2014when they are not happy \/ they\u2019re in a prolonged season, where, \u201cI just haven\u2019t felt happy for a while,\u201d\u2014they start to look around and go: \u201cOkay, how come I\u2019m not feeling happy? Who\u2019s the cause of this!?\u201d [Laughter] Guess\u2014who is the closest person there to take the blame for: \u201cI\u2019m not happy! It\u2019s got to be something he\u2019s doing! If he was doing his job, I\u2019d be happy!\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you think that\u2019s right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Do I think it is right that she\u2019s thinking that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, no! It\u2019s not right that she\u2019s thinking that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is it accurate that she might be thinking that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Oh, I think it\u2019s common. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes! But it\u2019s not right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> But it\u2019s not right; yes. [Laughter] I mean, it\u2019s very easy to blame somebody else. That\u2019s one of the hard things about marriage\u2014is that it\u2019s so easy for both of us\u2014husband or wife\u2014to blame the person who\u2019s right there because they\u2019re handy, and it\u2019s really easy to find fault and say, \u201cWell, if you only\u2026, my life would be so much better.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2019s not really what the reason is. The real reason is that God\u2014because He\u2019s our Father, and He\u2019s a loving, kind, gracious Father \/ is so patient\u2014and He\u2019s saying to us: \u201cYou need this right now. This will be for your good right now. I know you don\u2019t like it \/ I know it doesn\u2019t feel good, but I\u2019ve got purposes and I\u2019ve got plans for you. You will be glad in the end.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost people who have been through suffering\u2014whether it\u2019s shallow, small things or really deep, tragic things\u2014can say, on the other side: \u201cI didn\u2019t enjoy it \/ I didn\u2019t like it, but I knew God better \/ I came to know Him better as a result. I wouldn\u2019t trade that for anything.\u201d I\u2019ve heard <em>so<\/em> many people say that, and I would say it\u2019s true about us too. We\u2019ve learned more about God in the valleys than we have on the high places and hills in the sunshine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to read a couple of passages, just based upon all Barbara is talking about here. If you\u2019re going through a hard time, I\u2019d like to recommend the best-seller\u2014the Bible\u2014and the Book of 1 Peter, which was written to a group of people, who had been scattered and who were followers of Christ. They were called the <em>diaspora<\/em>\u2014they were scattered saints, having to represent Christ in cultures that punished them for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, they weren\u2019t just scattered\u2014because we tend to think of scattered as they are just living in different places\u2014but they lost homes \/ possessions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, they had really experienced some difficult traumas that we face today when houses burn down or we go bankrupt and we lose everything. That puts a little more context in what these people were living in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They were refugees\u2014not just scattered\u2014but refugees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So I just want to read what God wanted to say to some folks who were going through some hard times. Just listen to how God coaches and gently nudges people who are in the valley\u20141 Peter, Chapter 3, verse 13: \u201cNow who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness\u2019 sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut listen to this conclusion to this passage: \u201cFor it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God\u2019s will, than for doing evil.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo you hear the Scripture calling us to have the right perspective of our valley. Don\u2019t just look at it from a human perspective. Wherever you are, maybe pull out this book and read 1 Peter, Chapter 3. Then, across the page, go look at Chapter 4, verse 12 and listen to what Peter says here: \u201cBeloved, don\u2019t be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to stop there because I think we, as human beings, are really odd. We think, when we get married, there\u2019s never going to be a valley. It\u2019s in the fine print of the marriage covenant\u2014you\u2019re going to go through testing \/ through trials. But listen to this\u2014verse 13 of Chapter 4: \u201cBut rejoice insofar as you share Christ\u2019s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible so calls us away from our temporary thinking \/ from how I\u2019m feeling right now. It\u2019s calling you, not to live by feelings, but it\u2019s calling you to faith: \u201cAre you going to believe that that\u2019s true?\u201d As a couple, will you allow the things that are coming at you to bind your hearts to His\u2014first of all to God\u2019s\u2014but then, secondly, to one another and to not give up?\u2014and as Barbara said, \u201c\u2026not quit and not toss the towel in.\u201d We\u2019re talking to people, right now, who have secretly\u2014or maybe verbally\u2014threatened divorce to their spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, it is commonplace in our culture. But this is the biblical way to look at suffering, and the biblical way to run the race all the way to the finish line.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, what I\u2019ve heard both of you saying throughout this is\u2014first of all: \u201cTrials are coming; so be ready, and the way you get ready is by learning how to trust God in the sunshine so that, when you\u2019re in the valley, you\u2019ve already learned what walking by faith looks like. You don\u2019t wait to get to the valley to learn.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You don\u2019t wait \u2018til the storm comes and it starts raining to go up on top of the roof to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to fix the leak.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to fix the leak.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then, the second thing is: \u201cWhen you\u2019re in the valley and the circumstances are pressing, you have to pull back\u2014step away from the painting, get the bigger picture, and counsel your own soul with what you know is true in the sunshine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cPreach it to yourself in the shadow. That\u2019s how Jesus walks through that with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo a wife who finds herself in a season of suffering\u2014whether it\u2019s the mild malaise we talked about earlier, where it\u2019s just discouragement, or whether it\u2019s a significant period of suffering\u2014she has to counsel her own soul and remind herself of what\u2019s true and hang onto that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And she needs to realize that God wants to use the hard times for the good of her marriage. It\u2019s not just for her good or her husband\u2019s good, or for the betterment of some circumstance, but God really wants to use these difficulties to help them, as a couple \/ a husband and a wife, grow closer together. We suffer differently \/ we handle things differently, but that\u2019s part of what God wants to do to help us become more one\u2014is for me to share what I\u2019m feeling when we\u2019re suffering, and for me to listen to Dennis share what he\u2019s feeling or, when he doesn\u2019t share what he\u2019s feeling, to trust that God is at work in his soul. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we go through that experience together, it bonds us together more than on days when we\u2019re not struggling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What I\u2019d have to say to that is\u2014I wish, at this point, I could reach through the radio\u2014whether it\u2019s a phone, or a computer, or your car, or in your shop \/ wherever you\u2019re listening\u2014and just put an arm around you and say, \u201cOh, we have such a shallow view of love!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We think love is like the movies depict it\u2014a couple walking off in the sunset, arm in arm, with the soft breeze, and the music swelling, and people applauding. The reality is\u2014a lot of love is learned in the valley, where two people aren\u2019t feeling the same thing \/ where two people aren\u2019t finding a lot of romance because there\u2019s no room in the valley, sometimes, for romance. It\u2019s where two people learn how to really love because they meet the God of love in the valley, and they begin to understand He loves them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s what they\u2019re supposed to reflect to one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of wives who are really going to be helped as they get a chance to read your reflections on how God uses suffering in a marriage relationship and in a family\u2014how God has used it in your life as you\u2019ve gone through seasons of suffering. You write about this in your new book, <em>Letters to My Daughters.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are making that book available this month to listeners who can support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation of any amount. We are a listener-supported ministry. We depend on your donations to be able to continue the work of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>If you can help with a donation this month, we\u2019d like to send you a copy of Barbara\u2019s brand-new book, <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014you can make a donation online if you\u2019d like. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance for your support of this ministry. We hope you enjoy Barbara\u2019s new book, <em>Letters to My Daughters. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d today to our friends, Wayne and Carrie Owen. They live in Sacramento, California. I lived in Sacramento for a while. In fact, I worked at the radio station where they listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014at KFIA. The Owens have been married 29 years today\u2014\u201cCongratulations!\u201d to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have an anniversary coming up later this year, we\u2019d like to help you celebrate. We will send you some text messages or emails just prior to your anniversary\u2014just some little prompts for you to begin to get ready to celebrate your special day. We just need to know what your special day. So call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and let us know your anniversary date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and leave us your anniversary date and let us know whether you\u2019d like those messages sent to you by email or by text message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to spend time talking about how fear can affect a family. We especially want to look at blended or stepfamilies. We\u2019re going to hear from Ron Deal tomorrow with thoughts on the subject of fear. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch\u2014special help today from Mark Ramey. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303950","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303950"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303950"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303950"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303950"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303950"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303950"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303950"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}