{"id":303902,"date":"2016-03-07T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-03-07T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/honesty-blessing-and-protection\/"},"modified":"2016-03-07T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-03-07T17:00:00","slug":"honesty-blessing-and-protection","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honesty-blessing-and-protection\/","title":{"rendered":"Honesty, Blessing, and Protection"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gary Thomas tells husbands and wives if you really want to love your spouse, you have to kill the things in your marriage that irritate your spouse.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.58M","filesize_raw":"24729096","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2849,2810,2901],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8129],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303902","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-drifting-apart","category-growing-spiritually","category-husbands","tag-marriage","podcast_series-killing-spiders-casting-out-fear-from-your-marriage","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303902\/honesty-blessing-and-protection","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303902\/honesty-blessing-and-protection","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WrNP3SbfuY\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honesty-blessing-and-protection\/\">Honesty, Blessing, and Protection<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honesty-blessing-and-protection\/embed\/#?secret=WrNP3SbfuY\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Honesty, Blessing, and Protection&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WrNP3SbfuY\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you love your spouse, you\u2019ve got to be aware of the fears\u2014Gary Thomas calls them \u201cspiders\u201d\u2014that are a part of your spouse\u2019s life. You\u2019ve got to be a part of the perfect love that helps to cast out those fears.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Your spouse has a real past with real hurts and real fears. It doesn\u2019t matter whether you think they\u2019re silly or illegitimate or you should just think your way through them\u2014if they motivate your spouse and you want to be close to your spouse\u2014you\u2019ve got to kill those spiders that irritate your spouse because it\u2019s better to be connected than to hold onto those spiders and be disconnected in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll spend time today exploring the things that differentiate an ordinary marriage from a life-long love. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. Tell you what\u2014just hearing Gary Thomas\u2019 voice there again is bringing back some nice memories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I noticed you started rocking. [Laughter] People are wondering if Bob\u2019s rocking\u2014it\u2019s not a matter of rock music\u2014it\u2019s a matter of a big boat that just gently would put you to sleep each night. It\u2019s not enough to cause you to be sea sick or anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t hear about anybody aboard the cruise who had any motion sickness. We had a nice time on the sixth annual <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage<em> c<\/em>ruise, which was just a couple of weeks ago. It was a Caribbean cruise from Miami. We got a chance to be with 1,300 couples\u2014we had the whole boat. I have to tell you\u2014when you are on a cruise and everybody on the cruise is there for the same reason, with the same heartbeat, it\u2019s a whole different experience than anything else you\u2019ve ever done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really is a lot of fun. Met a lot of Legacy Partners there, Bob\u2014who are donors to <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014who keep <em>this<\/em> boat floating,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014moving forward. Over 93 hours of entertainment, programming, teaching, preaching\u2014I admit I did a little of that! [Laughter]\u2014worship, a comedian, ballroom dancing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our seventh annual <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriagecruise will depart from New Orleans next year\u2014little different itinerary as we\u2019re headed out February 13<sup>th<\/sup> through the 18<sup>th<\/sup>\u2014it\u2019s Valentine\u2019s week. Paul David Tripp is going be joining us, Kevin DeYoung is going to be with us, H.B. Charles, Jeremy Camp will be onboard doing music. The reason we\u2019re mentioning this is\u2014at this point, next year\u2019s cruise is already half sold-out. If you\u2019re interested in attending, now is the time to give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY and find out more about how you can sign up for next year\u2019s <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage<em> c<\/em>ruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe expect it will be sold out by May. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked the team, \u201cIs there anything we can do special for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners?\u201d They agreed that, for the next two weeks, they\u2019re going to make some special offers available. So call 1-800-FL-TODAY to find out what all of that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, we\u2019re going to hear one of the messages that we heard on the cruise as our friend, Gary Thomas, was there speaking about the characteristics \/ the things that differentiate a marriage that goes the distance from a marriage that gets bogged down along the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gary is a warrior for the family. Many of you know him by his books\u2014he has written a number of them. He is a writer in residence at Second Baptist Church in Houston and is a <em>great<\/em> teacher and preacher. You\u2019re going to <em>love<\/em> this devotional that was given by Gary Thomas on the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>cruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, this was Tuesday morning as we all got up and started our day at sea on the cruise. Here is Gary Thomas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Some years ago, I was just about to go to sleep\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you know, that twilight when you\u2019re just about there. I heard one of the worst sounds in the world\u2014it was this \u201cbeep\u201d\u2014\u201cAh! Smoke alarm.\u201d Have you ever wondered why they don\u2019t go off at 10 am or at 2 pm? They always go off at the worst times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had these high ceilings at the time, where we lived. I\u2019d have to go down to the garage, get a ladder, and get the 9-volt batteries. \u201cIt\u2019s just not worth the hassle. I\u2019m just going to will myself to sleep.\u201d So I\u2019m\u2014\u201cbeep\u201d \u2014and I\u2019ve got\u2014after two or three times, I realize that it\u2019s not going to work. I go downstairs, I get the ladder, I get some 9-volt batteries, rip off the smoke alarm, put the battery in, get back in bed\u2014\u201cbeep.\u201d It\u2019s the wrong one! So I go out in the hallway; alright? I had the bunch of batteries\u2014so I put the ladder into the hallway. I take that one out\u2014I get it in \/ get back in my bed\u2014\u201cbeep.\u201d Rrrr! It was in my daughter\u2019s bedroom! I mean, six linear feet away! Didn\u2019t even know my daughter\u2019s bedroom had one, right next to the hallway. So I do that\u2014I take it out \/ I get it in\u2014my adrenaline is just pumping right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know because I got in bed and Lisa was catapulted about two feet up in the air. She goes, \u201cD-Did you get it?\u201d I go: \u201cI didn\u2019t just get it, I conquered it. I am lord and master of this house!\u201d And you know what happened next? \u201cBeep.\u201d Lisa had been married to me long enough to know something was going on. She goes, \u201cGary, whatever you\u2019re thinking of doing, please don\u2019t!\u201d\u00a0 I gave her my favorite line from <em>Rocky<\/em> <em>2<\/em>, \u201cHoney, I never asked you to stop being a woman, please don\u2019t ask me to stop being a man.\u201d I got out my ladder, I ripped off every smoke alarm upstairs, threw them all in a box, took them downstairs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLisa is appalled. She said, \u201cWhat if there\u2019s a fire?!\u201d I said, \u201cAs long as the fire takes the smoke alarms, God\u2019s will be done!\u201d Alright? \u201cI want to get some sleep.\u201d I threw them all in, and you can guess\u2014a couple minutes later\u2014\u201cbeep.\u201d I just put up with it for another couple beeps; and then it was about midnight, by this time. My son was in high school. He had a midnight curfew\u2014so he came in. He had to check in and tell us he was in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo he\u2019s talking to us. While he\u2019s talking to us, the \u201cbeep\u201d goes off. He goes, \u201cHuh.\u201d He walks over to my dresser, where I had this brand-new thing called the flip phone: \u201cHey Dad! Did you know that you missed a call?\u201d [Laughter] I wanted to toss that thing across the street! But I just signed up for a two-year plan so\u2014I wasn\u2019t able to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I had spent a furious hour of my life, trying to treat the symptoms without dealing with the underlying cause. So often that\u2019s what we do with marriage. We treat the symptoms and we don\u2019t go for the underlying cause. When I talk about the underlying cause, I\u2019m talking this morning about the heart. How do we shape our hearts to become a more intimate couple?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow the four things I want to share are difficult \/ they\u2019re scary, but they work! They really can <em>change<\/em> your marriage. If we will let our heart move in these directions, we can have radically different marriages if we\u2019ll just embrace them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason I like it is because often we talk about the physical things we can do\u2014date night \/ which is good, scheduling sex \/ which is fine\u2014all of these things\u2014love languages\u2014those are wonderful things to learn about, but how do we shape our heart? Because, ultimately\u2014if we want to become one \/ if we want to be reconnected as a couple\u2014how do we get in there and shape our heart? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese are four spiritual practices I\u2019ve found that really can do that. If you\u2019re taking notes, I encourage you to take them down because these are great discussions how you can grow in this first area. The first one I want to talk about is simple\u2014it\u2019s honesty. It\u2019s honesty. If you want to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage, increase the level of honesty. Jeremiah 8:5 warns of those who \u201ccling to deceit.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is always amazing to me, as a pastor, that we get married so that we can share our lives together, and then, we spend most of our lives hiding from each other. Well that creates a great frustration because we can\u2019t be intimate with somebody we\u2019re\u2014we\u2019re lying to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIntimacy, by definition, is being fully-known and fully-accepted. If we\u2019re not fully-known, we can\u2019t be fully-accepted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know to men, in particular, this is terrifying to us. Just a little window to the wives\u2014a lot of us guys are just astonished that we got a woman to marry us; okay? I mean, we were cut from sports teams by coaches, we were ridiculed by our siblings, we never feel like we measured up. Somehow, we got this woman to marry us; and we\u2019re afraid, if she gets to know us as we really are, she\u2019ll be like the coach who wants to cut us, or the siblings who said or friends who said we didn\u2019t quite measure up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut men, when we give into that fear, we miss one of the most healing aspects of marriage. My wife married a very insecure man, who still deals with a lot of insecurity. I\u2019m three of four kids. I had two older brothers that were\u2014you know, you can\u2019t compete with them. I had the younger sister who was the little princess. We\u2019ve got three boys and you\u2019ve got the princess. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most healing things for me of all is\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Lisa <em>knows <\/em>me, literally, better than anyone else; and she still likes me \/ she still respects me. I can\u2019t believe it! I can\u2019t tell you the healing that that brings into my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, a couple years ago, we were with a couple. I had been at work all day, and we were meeting the couple at a restaurant. Lisa was the last one to arrive\u2014she had been at our home\u2014she came in. It was November\u2014she kind of just scootches in and gets close to me. The other woman says to her, \u201cWell, are you cold?\u201d She goes, \u201cNo, I just\u2014I\u2019ve been away from him all day\u2014I really miss him.\u201d I felt like a king! Here we\u2019d been married almost 30 years at the time\u2014had just been apart for one workday\u2014and Lisa was eager to see me. I can\u2019t tell you what that did for my soul. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the thing\u2014if I know I\u2019m lying to her, instead of that moment making me feel great, it\u2019s going to terrify me because I\u2019m going to like how it feels but I\u2019m going to be afraid: \u201cWell, she likes me because she doesn\u2019t know about x or y. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cShe respects me because she hasn\u2019t found out about y or z.\u201d So what am I going to do because I don\u2019t want to lose that? I\u2019m going to double down into deceit\u2014I\u2019m going to build a wall. I\u2019m not going to let her get to know me. Men\u2014if I could just tell you\u2014most wives will tell me one of their greatest frustrations in marriage is they feel like their husband just won\u2019t let them in. They feel like: \u2018I never really get to know him. I feel like there\u2019s always something up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talked\u2014this was a tragic situation with a rather young couple, married less than five years. She knew something wasn\u2019t right in her husband\u2019s life. She didn\u2019t know all of his past\u2014he hadn\u2019t been completely honest before they got married\u2014and he hadn\u2019t dealt with it, even though he was in the ministry. Things weren\u2019t going well. She sat him down, and she looked him in the eyes, and said: \u201cLook, I am the kind of woman who will work through anything\u2014and I mean <em>anything<\/em>\u2014but you\u2019ve just got to be honest with me. I need to know what\u2019s going on in your life.\u201d He knew he was kind of on the spotlight \/ so he confessed to one of the weakest sins he could think of\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014leaving a lot of dark still in the dark.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it finally came out\u2014as it will\u2014she was done and their marriage is over. She was calling for him to be honest and he refused. One of the things I understand about what she was saying is: \u201cYou can\u2019t be intimate with a woman you are lying to.\u201d Deception becomes a part of that relationship, and it\u2019s terrifying. But when we have a God of grace, when we know forgiveness, when we know\u2014as we talked about last night \/ James 3:2, that \u201cWe all stumble in many ways\u2026\u201d\u2014we have the context to be honest with each other, to accept each other, and to grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJustin Davis was a pastor, who also had a really tough background; but this has a much happier ending. He got involved in a lot of things\u2014pornography, ended up having an affair with his best friend\u2019s wife\u2014it came out. It took weeks and months for them to really be restored; but coming out of it\u2014and this is the thing I\u2019d say to the guys\u2014he realized: \u201cDeception has ruined my whole life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt\u2019s ruined my relationship with God. It\u2019s ruined my relationship with myself\u2014I\u2019m disconnected from myself\u2014I\u2019m disconnected with my wife. I can\u2019t believe I did that to my friend,\u201d\u2014cheating with his wife\u2014I mean, all that he did. He lost his ministry\u2014everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere are the four questions that he now regularly asks himself because he\u2019s so committed to the truth:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol>\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIs the fear of the consequences of the truth greater than my commitment to tell the truth?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsn\u2019t that what makes us lie? We\u2019re afraid of the consequences more than we\u2019re afraid of being dishonest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol start=\"2\">\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tAm I telling myself the truth?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can lie to ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol start=\"3\">\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIs there a truth I\u2019ve distorted or am distorting right now?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd finally,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol start=\"4\">\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIs there something I\u2019ve withheld or am currently withholding from my spouse?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet before the Lord this week\u2014you\u2019ve got a great time \/ you\u2019ve got some opportunities\u2014and say, \u201cLord, how honest am I being with my spouse?\u201d Understand that whatever is most painful to share with our spouse is something that God probably wants to work on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll be very honest\u2014I would be much less of a man if I wasn\u2019t worried about my wife finding out about certain things. The danger of giving into that fear and living in deception before your wife is\u2014what Satan says is: \u201cYou know what, Gary? There\u2019s a way you can have this action, or this sin, or this attitude and still have your wife and still have her esteem\u2014and that\u2019s lying about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus said Satan is the father of lies. Lies never serve a marriage because Jesus says, \u201cI am the Way, the Truth and the Life.\u201d To bring Jesus into our marriage is to bring the <em>Truth<\/em> into our marriage. If you want to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage, increase the level of honesty. It\u2019s tough to get there \/ it\u2019s scary to get there, but it helps bind us together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing that will really help us is the blessing mentality\u2014the blessing mentality. There are really two different dimensions that we can live in. This is a cognitive change and it\u2019s a hard change. It sounds\u2014not that profound\u2014but when it\u2019s practiced, it changes marriage enormously.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt comes from Genesis 12:2 when God is saying to Abraham, \u201cI\u2019m blessing you\u201d\u2014why?\u2014\u201cto be a blessing.\u201d That\u2019s the way it works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst John 4:19: \u201cWe love because He first loved us.\u201d The biblical model is that God pours Himself out for us <em>so that<\/em> we pour ourselves out for others. We\u2019re to be a blessing to others. So every day of marriage I live with one of two questions. These are the two dimensions: \u201cHow can I get my needs met?\u201d or \u201cHow can I bless you?\u201d It\u2019s that simple. Every time we\u2019re in a disagreement, I have a thing: \u201cDo I want to win this argument or do I want to bless my wife?\u201d Only one of those two motivations will prevail. James 4:1-2 says this: \u201cWhat causes fights and quarrels among you? You want something but don\u2019t get it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe most divorces could be stopped if every couple would wake up every day and their first thought is, \u201cHow do I bless my spouse today?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just puts everything into focus. It changes the color of the day. It is just our selfish desire: \u201cHow do I get my needs met today?\u201d \u201cHow do I get my husband to finally do this?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHow do I finally get my wife to do this?\u201d But if we wake up and say, \u201cHow do I be a blessing to my spouse today?\u201d that involves going to God first\u2014getting the blessing from Him. We need His affirmation, we need His encouragement, and we need His empowerment. When we do that, it\u2019s just natural then\u2014or I could say supernatural\u2014that we want to bless others. The more we receive from God, we are just compelled to pass it on. That\u2019s the second thing that we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third one we\u2019re going to talk about is what I call \u201ckilling spiders\u201d\u2014killing spiders. I don\u2019t have a problem with spiders, but my wife really does. If I see a spider in the house [splat], it\u2019s dead\u2014I kill it. There are good things about spiders\u2014they actually kill other insects\u2014that can be good, but it freaks Lisa out. If she sees a spider unexpectedly, she wants me to kill it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, because I\u2019m married to Lisa \/ because I want to love her and bless her, there are certain spiders I have to kill. Let me put this in a relationship metaphor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Lisa\u2019s dad had been an alcoholic\u2014he surely wasn\u2019t \/ but if he had\u2014I think I would just kill alcohol use. Theologically, I don\u2019t believe there is an absolute prohibition against alcohol but\u2014if I knew that she had grown up with that in her childhood\u2014every time she smelled it on my breath \/ every time I maybe had just a <em>little<\/em> bit too much to drink\u2014she couldn\u2019t help it. She\u2019s a real person with a real past. All those feelings are going to come up from her childhood. To protect her, I don\u2019t want her to have to face that \/ I don\u2019t want her to have to overcome that\u2014so I can choose either this on this side \/ drinking or I can choose: \u201cDo I want to be close to my wife?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow so many times when I work with couples they say: \u201cBut I enjoy that. Why do I want to give it up?\u201d Because a connected marriage is so much more fulfilling than a disconnected marriage\u2014with hobbies. It really is! That\u2019s what we want\u2014we want a life of intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to grow closer together, there are certain things we have to kill that might not be morally problematic but they keep pushing our spouse away. We have to choose: \u201cDo I want to maintain my independence and live in a rather disconnected marriage?\u201d or \u201cAm I willing to kill just about anything to have a life of true intimacy and oneness?\u201d I think if you could experience intimacy and oneness, you would choose that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Lisa and I were on our second marriage\u2014we\u2019re not\u2014surely, this is our first one \/ our only one\u2014but if her first husband had wrecked their marriage with video game playing too much, I think that is something\u2014it\u2019s a spider I can kill because I think every time I pick up that controller, all of that is going to come back from her past: \u201cOh no. Here we go again. I lost my first husband to that.\u201d Maybe I get a little too into the game, and a little too excited, and I forget that maybe two or three hours have passed. I just say: \u201cYou know what? I chose her \/ I want to be close to her. This is a spider I need to kill, and I\u2019m going to kill it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing is about this\u2014this is something that goes on throughout our life because different spiders crop up when we\u2019re in different stages of marriage. Lisa and I are rather recent empty nesters. So now we\u2019re travelling together a whole lot more than we used to when the kids were young and at home. It\u2019s amazing to me\u2014because when we come out of the hotel elevator or when we go out in the parking garage, Lisa would always turn the wrong way; alright? If the hotel room was right, she would go left. If the rental car is north in the parking lot, she would go south. I kept thinking, \u201cYou\u2019d think she would guess right half of the time\u201d; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she\u2019s the extrovert\u2014she had all these great conversations, and she wants to recount them to me, and she\u2019s got the energy going, and just talking, and she doesn\u2019t have to worry about it because she knows I paid attention so it doesn\u2019t even kick in to her. I\u2019m letting her out of the elevator first so she\u2019s always the one ahead. I was just kind of laughing about it because we\u2019d been in this hotel for several days, and she went the wrong way again. I thought, \u201cReally?!\u201d [Laughter] That wasn\u2019t the best way to make her feel close to me, men\u2014alright? I wouldn\u2019t recommend that response; okay. Well, that didn\u2019t work out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the next day she did it again. I just stopped where I was. She went 20\/25 yards away. She looks and she saw what I was doing. <em>That <\/em>didn\u2019t go so well either; alright? [Laughter] Typical guy\u2014I said: \u201cWell, what am I supposed to do? If I say something, you say it makes you feel stupid. If I don\u2019t say anything, you think it\u2019s an act of disrespect. I can\u2019t win!\u201d\u2014right? That\u2019s the guy perspective. She goes: \u201cIt\u2019s easy. Just say, \u2018This way, hon,\u2019\u2014with exactly that tone.\u201d I thought, \u201cAlright.\u201d Next day I get to try it out. [Laughter] She goes right\u2014I go, \u201cThis way, hon!\u201d She turns around, gives me a gorgeous smile, we laugh, we have a good moment, and we go off down the way; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen and women, it\u2019s just this\u2014if there\u2019s this life situation that\u2019s pulling the two of you apart, how about if you just say: \u201cThen tell me what spider I need to kill. I don\u2019t want you to feel disrespected. I don\u2019t want you to feel stupid. I honestly don\u2019t know what to do though\u2014I think I\u2019m at an impasse. Show me how to kill this spider.\u201d Then kill that spider. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, whenever that happens, it draws us closer together rather than pushes us away because we want to be closer together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy youngest daughter, Kelsey, has been in three automobile accidents on the freeway\u2014and none of them were her fault. A couple of them were pretty serious. One, her car was completely totaled and she was shaken forever. It\u2019s not her fault. When you\u2019ve been in car accidents and they weren\u2019t your fault, it\u2019s not like you can take\u2014I mean\u2014what are you going to do differently if it\u2019s not your fault?\u00a0 It just happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when she is driving with me, particularly if she\u2019s in the front seat, I\u2019m Grampa Gary, you know? There\u2019s 100 yards between me and the front car. I\u2019m not driving aggressively\/ I\u2019m not coming right up on somebody because she\u2019s a real person with a real past. To honor her, and to protect her, and to love her, I\u2019m going to kill that spider of aggressive driving. She can\u2019t help it\u2014it\u2019s who she is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m saying is\u2014your spouse has a real past with real hurts and real fears. It doesn\u2019t matter whether you think they\u2019re silly or illegitimate or you should just think your way through them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tif they motivate your spouse and you want to be close to your spouse\u2014you\u2019ve got to kill those spiders that irritate your spouse because it\u2019s better to be connected than to hold onto those spiders and be disconnected in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Gary Thomas with Part One of a message that he shared on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise a couple of weeks ago, as we were out in the Caribbean, Valentine\u2019s week\u2014a great reminder that we need our agenda to be other-focused in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. I was thinking, as Gary was speaking there\u2014it\u2019s really 1 John, Chapter 4, verse 18\u2014this is the spider passage, Bob: \u201cThere is no fear in love but perfect love casts out all [spiders].\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a reason that you gravitate to that verse; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s inside my wedding band and Barbara\u2019s as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you\u2014it\u2019s the mandate for every marriage. You really have to find out: \u201cWhat is your spouse afraid of? What, maybe\u2014as Gary said\u2014has damaged or hurt your spouse deeply and wounded them?\u201d Maybe it\u2019s a scar \/ maybe it\u2019s not a wound today but you just have to respect it. You have to love them and give them love in a way that communicates to them: \u201cYou know what? Perfect love does cast out all fear.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, we had a chance to talk with Gary about some of these same things in an interview we did with him right after his book, <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>, was released. I would point our listeners to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, where there\u2019s more information about Gary\u2019s book. You can listen to the interviews we\u2019ve done with him on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention the brand-new <em>FamilyLife<\/em> app. If you go to your App Store for either your iPhone or your Android phone and you type in the <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014as one word\u2014you will find the <em>FamilyLife<\/em> app. You can download it for free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt gives you easy access to today\u2019s program, to past programs, to articles, to additional content available from us at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. You can order resources from us here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd finally, let me just encourage you\u2014if you\u2019d like to join us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in 2017, we will set sail from New Orleans on Monday, February 13. We\u2019ll celebrate Valentine\u2019s Day together at sea\u2014we will head to the western Caribbean. We\u2019ve got Kevin DeYoung joining us. Paul David Tripp is going to be onboard. H.B. Charles will be with us. Jeremy Camp is going to be singing. Michael Jr. will be on board doing comedy. We are excited about the cruise and so are many of our listeners because it\u2019s about half-filled right now. So if you would like to be a part of the 2017 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, get in touch with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe best way to do it is to call 1-800-FL-TODAY. In fact, we\u2019ve got some special rates available this week for balcony cabins\u2014it\u2019s actually good this week or next week. You need to call to get the information\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d We\u2019d love to have you be along with us on the 2017 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Gary Thomas\u2019 message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, as he explores four ways that we can demonstrate our love for our spouse. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.58M"],"filesize_raw":["24729096"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303902.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303902.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Thomas tells husbands and wives if you really want to love your spouse, you have to kill the things in your marriage that irritate your spouse.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you love your spouse, you\u2019ve got to be aware of the fears\u2014Gary Thomas calls them \u201cspiders\u201d\u2014that are a part of your spouse\u2019s life. You\u2019ve got to be a part of the perfect love that helps to cast out those fears.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Your spouse has a real past with real hurts and real fears. It doesn\u2019t matter whether you think they\u2019re silly or illegitimate or you should just think your way through them\u2014if they motivate your spouse and you want to be close to your spouse\u2014you\u2019ve got to kill those spiders that irritate your spouse because it\u2019s better to be connected than to hold onto those spiders and be disconnected in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll spend time today exploring the things that differentiate an ordinary marriage from a life-long love. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. Tell you what\u2014just hearing Gary Thomas\u2019 voice there again is bringing back some nice memories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I noticed you started rocking. [Laughter] People are wondering if Bob\u2019s rocking\u2014it\u2019s not a matter of rock music\u2014it\u2019s a matter of a big boat that just gently would put you to sleep each night. It\u2019s not enough to cause you to be sea sick or anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t hear about anybody aboard the cruise who had any motion sickness. We had a nice time on the sixth annual <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage<em> c<\/em>ruise, which was just a couple of weeks ago. It was a Caribbean cruise from Miami. We got a chance to be with 1,300 couples\u2014we had the whole boat. I have to tell you\u2014when you are on a cruise and everybody on the cruise is there for the same reason, with the same heartbeat, it\u2019s a whole different experience than anything else you\u2019ve ever done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really is a lot of fun. Met a lot of Legacy Partners there, Bob\u2014who are donors to <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014who keep <em>this<\/em> boat floating,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014moving forward. Over 93 hours of entertainment, programming, teaching, preaching\u2014I admit I did a little of that! [Laughter]\u2014worship, a comedian, ballroom dancing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our seventh annual <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriagecruise will depart from New Orleans next year\u2014little different itinerary as we\u2019re headed out February 13<sup>th<\/sup> through the 18<sup>th<\/sup>\u2014it\u2019s Valentine\u2019s week. Paul David Tripp is going be joining us, Kevin DeYoung is going to be with us, H.B. Charles, Jeremy Camp will be onboard doing music. The reason we\u2019re mentioning this is\u2014at this point, next year\u2019s cruise is already half sold-out. If you\u2019re interested in attending, now is the time to give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY and find out more about how you can sign up for next year\u2019s <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage<em> c<\/em>ruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe expect it will be sold out by May. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked the team, \u201cIs there anything we can do special for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners?\u201d They agreed that, for the next two weeks, they\u2019re going to make some special offers available. So call 1-800-FL-TODAY to find out what all of that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, we\u2019re going to hear one of the messages that we heard on the cruise as our friend, Gary Thomas, was there speaking about the characteristics \/ the things that differentiate a marriage that goes the distance from a marriage that gets bogged down along the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gary is a warrior for the family. Many of you know him by his books\u2014he has written a number of them. He is a writer in residence at Second Baptist Church in Houston and is a <em>great<\/em> teacher and preacher. You\u2019re going to <em>love<\/em> this devotional that was given by Gary Thomas on the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>cruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, this was Tuesday morning as we all got up and started our day at sea on the cruise. Here is Gary Thomas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Some years ago, I was just about to go to sleep\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you know, that twilight when you\u2019re just about there. I heard one of the worst sounds in the world\u2014it was this \u201cbeep\u201d\u2014\u201cAh! Smoke alarm.\u201d Have you ever wondered why they don\u2019t go off at 10 am or at 2 pm? They always go off at the worst times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had these high ceilings at the time, where we lived. I\u2019d have to go down to the garage, get a ladder, and get the 9-volt batteries. \u201cIt\u2019s just not worth the hassle. I\u2019m just going to will myself to sleep.\u201d So I\u2019m\u2014\u201cbeep\u201d \u2014and I\u2019ve got\u2014after two or three times, I realize that it\u2019s not going to work. I go downstairs, I get the ladder, I get some 9-volt batteries, rip off the smoke alarm, put the battery in, get back in bed\u2014\u201cbeep.\u201d It\u2019s the wrong one! So I go out in the hallway; alright? I had the bunch of batteries\u2014so I put the ladder into the hallway. I take that one out\u2014I get it in \/ get back in my bed\u2014\u201cbeep.\u201d Rrrr! It was in my daughter\u2019s bedroom! I mean, six linear feet away! Didn\u2019t even know my daughter\u2019s bedroom had one, right next to the hallway. So I do that\u2014I take it out \/ I get it in\u2014my adrenaline is just pumping right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know because I got in bed and Lisa was catapulted about two feet up in the air. She goes, \u201cD-Did you get it?\u201d I go: \u201cI didn\u2019t just get it, I conquered it. I am lord and master of this house!\u201d And you know what happened next? \u201cBeep.\u201d Lisa had been married to me long enough to know something was going on. She goes, \u201cGary, whatever you\u2019re thinking of doing, please don\u2019t!\u201d\u00a0 I gave her my favorite line from <em>Rocky<\/em> <em>2<\/em>, \u201cHoney, I never asked you to stop being a woman, please don\u2019t ask me to stop being a man.\u201d I got out my ladder, I ripped off every smoke alarm upstairs, threw them all in a box, took them downstairs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLisa is appalled. She said, \u201cWhat if there\u2019s a fire?!\u201d I said, \u201cAs long as the fire takes the smoke alarms, God\u2019s will be done!\u201d Alright? \u201cI want to get some sleep.\u201d I threw them all in, and you can guess\u2014a couple minutes later\u2014\u201cbeep.\u201d I just put up with it for another couple beeps; and then it was about midnight, by this time. My son was in high school. He had a midnight curfew\u2014so he came in. He had to check in and tell us he was in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo he\u2019s talking to us. While he\u2019s talking to us, the \u201cbeep\u201d goes off. He goes, \u201cHuh.\u201d He walks over to my dresser, where I had this brand-new thing called the flip phone: \u201cHey Dad! Did you know that you missed a call?\u201d [Laughter] I wanted to toss that thing across the street! But I just signed up for a two-year plan so\u2014I wasn\u2019t able to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I had spent a furious hour of my life, trying to treat the symptoms without dealing with the underlying cause. So often that\u2019s what we do with marriage. We treat the symptoms and we don\u2019t go for the underlying cause. When I talk about the underlying cause, I\u2019m talking this morning about the heart. How do we shape our hearts to become a more intimate couple?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow the four things I want to share are difficult \/ they\u2019re scary, but they work! They really can <em>change<\/em> your marriage. If we will let our heart move in these directions, we can have radically different marriages if we\u2019ll just embrace them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason I like it is because often we talk about the physical things we can do\u2014date night \/ which is good, scheduling sex \/ which is fine\u2014all of these things\u2014love languages\u2014those are wonderful things to learn about, but how do we shape our heart? Because, ultimately\u2014if we want to become one \/ if we want to be reconnected as a couple\u2014how do we get in there and shape our heart? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese are four spiritual practices I\u2019ve found that really can do that. If you\u2019re taking notes, I encourage you to take them down because these are great discussions how you can grow in this first area. The first one I want to talk about is simple\u2014it\u2019s honesty. It\u2019s honesty. If you want to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage, increase the level of honesty. Jeremiah 8:5 warns of those who \u201ccling to deceit.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is always amazing to me, as a pastor, that we get married so that we can share our lives together, and then, we spend most of our lives hiding from each other. Well that creates a great frustration because we can\u2019t be intimate with somebody we\u2019re\u2014we\u2019re lying to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIntimacy, by definition, is being fully-known and fully-accepted. If we\u2019re not fully-known, we can\u2019t be fully-accepted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know to men, in particular, this is terrifying to us. Just a little window to the wives\u2014a lot of us guys are just astonished that we got a woman to marry us; okay? I mean, we were cut from sports teams by coaches, we were ridiculed by our siblings, we never feel like we measured up. Somehow, we got this woman to marry us; and we\u2019re afraid, if she gets to know us as we really are, she\u2019ll be like the coach who wants to cut us, or the siblings who said or friends who said we didn\u2019t quite measure up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut men, when we give into that fear, we miss one of the most healing aspects of marriage. My wife married a very insecure man, who still deals with a lot of insecurity. I\u2019m three of four kids. I had two older brothers that were\u2014you know, you can\u2019t compete with them. I had the younger sister who was the little princess. We\u2019ve got three boys and you\u2019ve got the princess. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most healing things for me of all is\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Lisa <em>knows <\/em>me, literally, better than anyone else; and she still likes me \/ she still respects me. I can\u2019t believe it! I can\u2019t tell you the healing that that brings into my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, a couple years ago, we were with a couple. I had been at work all day, and we were meeting the couple at a restaurant. Lisa was the last one to arrive\u2014she had been at our home\u2014she came in. It was November\u2014she kind of just scootches in and gets close to me. The other woman says to her, \u201cWell, are you cold?\u201d She goes, \u201cNo, I just\u2014I\u2019ve been away from him all day\u2014I really miss him.\u201d I felt like a king! Here we\u2019d been married almost 30 years at the time\u2014had just been apart for one workday\u2014and Lisa was eager to see me. I can\u2019t tell you what that did for my soul. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the thing\u2014if I know I\u2019m lying to her, instead of that moment making me feel great, it\u2019s going to terrify me because I\u2019m going to like how it feels but I\u2019m going to be afraid: \u201cWell, she likes me because she doesn\u2019t know about x or y. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cShe respects me because she hasn\u2019t found out about y or z.\u201d So what am I going to do because I don\u2019t want to lose that? I\u2019m going to double down into deceit\u2014I\u2019m going to build a wall. I\u2019m not going to let her get to know me. Men\u2014if I could just tell you\u2014most wives will tell me one of their greatest frustrations in marriage is they feel like their husband just won\u2019t let them in. They feel like: \u2018I never really get to know him. I feel like there\u2019s always something up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talked\u2014this was a tragic situation with a rather young couple, married less than five years. She knew something wasn\u2019t right in her husband\u2019s life. She didn\u2019t know all of his past\u2014he hadn\u2019t been completely honest before they got married\u2014and he hadn\u2019t dealt with it, even though he was in the ministry. Things weren\u2019t going well. She sat him down, and she looked him in the eyes, and said: \u201cLook, I am the kind of woman who will work through anything\u2014and I mean <em>anything<\/em>\u2014but you\u2019ve just got to be honest with me. I need to know what\u2019s going on in your life.\u201d He knew he was kind of on the spotlight \/ so he confessed to one of the weakest sins he could think of\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014leaving a lot of dark still in the dark.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it finally came out\u2014as it will\u2014she was done and their marriage is over. She was calling for him to be honest and he refused. One of the things I understand about what she was saying is: \u201cYou can\u2019t be intimate with a woman you are lying to.\u201d Deception becomes a part of that relationship, and it\u2019s terrifying. But when we have a God of grace, when we know forgiveness, when we know\u2014as we talked about last night \/ James 3:2, that \u201cWe all stumble in many ways\u2026\u201d\u2014we have the context to be honest with each other, to accept each other, and to grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJustin Davis was a pastor, who also had a really tough background; but this has a much happier ending. He got involved in a lot of things\u2014pornography, ended up having an affair with his best friend\u2019s wife\u2014it came out. It took weeks and months for them to really be restored; but coming out of it\u2014and this is the thing I\u2019d say to the guys\u2014he realized: \u201cDeception has ruined my whole life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt\u2019s ruined my relationship with God. It\u2019s ruined my relationship with myself\u2014I\u2019m disconnected from myself\u2014I\u2019m disconnected with my wife. I can\u2019t believe I did that to my friend,\u201d\u2014cheating with his wife\u2014I mean, all that he did. He lost his ministry\u2014everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere are the four questions that he now regularly asks himself because he\u2019s so committed to the truth:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol>\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIs the fear of the consequences of the truth greater than my commitment to tell the truth?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsn\u2019t that what makes us lie? We\u2019re afraid of the consequences more than we\u2019re afraid of being dishonest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol start=\"2\">\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tAm I telling myself the truth?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can lie to ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol start=\"3\">\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIs there a truth I\u2019ve distorted or am distorting right now?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd finally,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol start=\"4\">\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIs there something I\u2019ve withheld or am currently withholding from my spouse?\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol>\n<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet before the Lord this week\u2014you\u2019ve got a great time \/ you\u2019ve got some opportunities\u2014and say, \u201cLord, how honest am I being with my spouse?\u201d Understand that whatever is most painful to share with our spouse is something that God probably wants to work on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll be very honest\u2014I would be much less of a man if I wasn\u2019t worried about my wife finding out about certain things. The danger of giving into that fear and living in deception before your wife is\u2014what Satan says is: \u201cYou know what, Gary? There\u2019s a way you can have this action, or this sin, or this attitude and still have your wife and still have her esteem\u2014and that\u2019s lying about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus said Satan is the father of lies. Lies never serve a marriage because Jesus says, \u201cI am the Way, the Truth and the Life.\u201d To bring Jesus into our marriage is to bring the <em>Truth<\/em> into our marriage. If you want to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage, increase the level of honesty. It\u2019s tough to get there \/ it\u2019s scary to get there, but it helps bind us together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing that will really help us is the blessing mentality\u2014the blessing mentality. There are really two different dimensions that we can live in. This is a cognitive change and it\u2019s a hard change. It sounds\u2014not that profound\u2014but when it\u2019s practiced, it changes marriage enormously.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt comes from Genesis 12:2 when God is saying to Abraham, \u201cI\u2019m blessing you\u201d\u2014why?\u2014\u201cto be a blessing.\u201d That\u2019s the way it works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst John 4:19: \u201cWe love because He first loved us.\u201d The biblical model is that God pours Himself out for us <em>so that<\/em> we pour ourselves out for others. We\u2019re to be a blessing to others. So every day of marriage I live with one of two questions. These are the two dimensions: \u201cHow can I get my needs met?\u201d or \u201cHow can I bless you?\u201d It\u2019s that simple. Every time we\u2019re in a disagreement, I have a thing: \u201cDo I want to win this argument or do I want to bless my wife?\u201d Only one of those two motivations will prevail. James 4:1-2 says this: \u201cWhat causes fights and quarrels among you? You want something but don\u2019t get it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe most divorces could be stopped if every couple would wake up every day and their first thought is, \u201cHow do I bless my spouse today?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just puts everything into focus. It changes the color of the day. It is just our selfish desire: \u201cHow do I get my needs met today?\u201d \u201cHow do I get my husband to finally do this?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHow do I finally get my wife to do this?\u201d But if we wake up and say, \u201cHow do I be a blessing to my spouse today?\u201d that involves going to God first\u2014getting the blessing from Him. We need His affirmation, we need His encouragement, and we need His empowerment. When we do that, it\u2019s just natural then\u2014or I could say supernatural\u2014that we want to bless others. The more we receive from God, we are just compelled to pass it on. That\u2019s the second thing that we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third one we\u2019re going to talk about is what I call \u201ckilling spiders\u201d\u2014killing spiders. I don\u2019t have a problem with spiders, but my wife really does. If I see a spider in the house [splat], it\u2019s dead\u2014I kill it. There are good things about spiders\u2014they actually kill other insects\u2014that can be good, but it freaks Lisa out. If she sees a spider unexpectedly, she wants me to kill it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, because I\u2019m married to Lisa \/ because I want to love her and bless her, there are certain spiders I have to kill. Let me put this in a relationship metaphor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Lisa\u2019s dad had been an alcoholic\u2014he surely wasn\u2019t \/ but if he had\u2014I think I would just kill alcohol use. Theologically, I don\u2019t believe there is an absolute prohibition against alcohol but\u2014if I knew that she had grown up with that in her childhood\u2014every time she smelled it on my breath \/ every time I maybe had just a <em>little<\/em> bit too much to drink\u2014she couldn\u2019t help it. She\u2019s a real person with a real past. All those feelings are going to come up from her childhood. To protect her, I don\u2019t want her to have to face that \/ I don\u2019t want her to have to overcome that\u2014so I can choose either this on this side \/ drinking or I can choose: \u201cDo I want to be close to my wife?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow so many times when I work with couples they say: \u201cBut I enjoy that. Why do I want to give it up?\u201d Because a connected marriage is so much more fulfilling than a disconnected marriage\u2014with hobbies. It really is! That\u2019s what we want\u2014we want a life of intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to grow closer together, there are certain things we have to kill that might not be morally problematic but they keep pushing our spouse away. We have to choose: \u201cDo I want to maintain my independence and live in a rather disconnected marriage?\u201d or \u201cAm I willing to kill just about anything to have a life of true intimacy and oneness?\u201d I think if you could experience intimacy and oneness, you would choose that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Lisa and I were on our second marriage\u2014we\u2019re not\u2014surely, this is our first one \/ our only one\u2014but if her first husband had wrecked their marriage with video game playing too much, I think that is something\u2014it\u2019s a spider I can kill because I think every time I pick up that controller, all of that is going to come back from her past: \u201cOh no. Here we go again. I lost my first husband to that.\u201d Maybe I get a little too into the game, and a little too excited, and I forget that maybe two or three hours have passed. I just say: \u201cYou know what? I chose her \/ I want to be close to her. This is a spider I need to kill, and I\u2019m going to kill it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing is about this\u2014this is something that goes on throughout our life because different spiders crop up when we\u2019re in different stages of marriage. Lisa and I are rather recent empty nesters. So now we\u2019re travelling together a whole lot more than we used to when the kids were young and at home. It\u2019s amazing to me\u2014because when we come out of the hotel elevator or when we go out in the parking garage, Lisa would always turn the wrong way; alright? If the hotel room was right, she would go left. If the rental car is north in the parking lot, she would go south. I kept thinking, \u201cYou\u2019d think she would guess right half of the time\u201d; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she\u2019s the extrovert\u2014she had all these great conversations, and she wants to recount them to me, and she\u2019s got the energy going, and just talking, and she doesn\u2019t have to worry about it because she knows I paid attention so it doesn\u2019t even kick in to her. I\u2019m letting her out of the elevator first so she\u2019s always the one ahead. I was just kind of laughing about it because we\u2019d been in this hotel for several days, and she went the wrong way again. I thought, \u201cReally?!\u201d [Laughter] That wasn\u2019t the best way to make her feel close to me, men\u2014alright? I wouldn\u2019t recommend that response; okay. Well, that didn\u2019t work out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the next day she did it again. I just stopped where I was. She went 20\/25 yards away. She looks and she saw what I was doing. <em>That <\/em>didn\u2019t go so well either; alright? [Laughter] Typical guy\u2014I said: \u201cWell, what am I supposed to do? If I say something, you say it makes you feel stupid. If I don\u2019t say anything, you think it\u2019s an act of disrespect. I can\u2019t win!\u201d\u2014right? That\u2019s the guy perspective. She goes: \u201cIt\u2019s easy. Just say, \u2018This way, hon,\u2019\u2014with exactly that tone.\u201d I thought, \u201cAlright.\u201d Next day I get to try it out. [Laughter] She goes right\u2014I go, \u201cThis way, hon!\u201d She turns around, gives me a gorgeous smile, we laugh, we have a good moment, and we go off down the way; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen and women, it\u2019s just this\u2014if there\u2019s this life situation that\u2019s pulling the two of you apart, how about if you just say: \u201cThen tell me what spider I need to kill. I don\u2019t want you to feel disrespected. I don\u2019t want you to feel stupid. I honestly don\u2019t know what to do though\u2014I think I\u2019m at an impasse. Show me how to kill this spider.\u201d Then kill that spider. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, whenever that happens, it draws us closer together rather than pushes us away because we want to be closer together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy youngest daughter, Kelsey, has been in three automobile accidents on the freeway\u2014and none of them were her fault. A couple of them were pretty serious. One, her car was completely totaled and she was shaken forever. It\u2019s not her fault. When you\u2019ve been in car accidents and they weren\u2019t your fault, it\u2019s not like you can take\u2014I mean\u2014what are you going to do differently if it\u2019s not your fault?\u00a0 It just happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when she is driving with me, particularly if she\u2019s in the front seat, I\u2019m Grampa Gary, you know? There\u2019s 100 yards between me and the front car. I\u2019m not driving aggressively\/ I\u2019m not coming right up on somebody because she\u2019s a real person with a real past. To honor her, and to protect her, and to love her, I\u2019m going to kill that spider of aggressive driving. She can\u2019t help it\u2014it\u2019s who she is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m saying is\u2014your spouse has a real past with real hurts and real fears. It doesn\u2019t matter whether you think they\u2019re silly or illegitimate or you should just think your way through them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tif they motivate your spouse and you want to be close to your spouse\u2014you\u2019ve got to kill those spiders that irritate your spouse because it\u2019s better to be connected than to hold onto those spiders and be disconnected in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Gary Thomas with Part One of a message that he shared on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise a couple of weeks ago, as we were out in the Caribbean, Valentine\u2019s week\u2014a great reminder that we need our agenda to be other-focused in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. I was thinking, as Gary was speaking there\u2014it\u2019s really 1 John, Chapter 4, verse 18\u2014this is the spider passage, Bob: \u201cThere is no fear in love but perfect love casts out all [spiders].\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a reason that you gravitate to that verse; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s inside my wedding band and Barbara\u2019s as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you\u2014it\u2019s the mandate for every marriage. You really have to find out: \u201cWhat is your spouse afraid of? What, maybe\u2014as Gary said\u2014has damaged or hurt your spouse deeply and wounded them?\u201d Maybe it\u2019s a scar \/ maybe it\u2019s not a wound today but you just have to respect it. You have to love them and give them love in a way that communicates to them: \u201cYou know what? Perfect love does cast out all fear.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, we had a chance to talk with Gary about some of these same things in an interview we did with him right after his book, <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>, was released. I would point our listeners to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, where there\u2019s more information about Gary\u2019s book. You can listen to the interviews we\u2019ve done with him on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention the brand-new <em>FamilyLife<\/em> app. If you go to your App Store for either your iPhone or your Android phone and you type in the <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014as one word\u2014you will find the <em>FamilyLife<\/em> app. You can download it for free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt gives you easy access to today\u2019s program, to past programs, to articles, to additional content available from us at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. You can order resources from us here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd finally, let me just encourage you\u2014if you\u2019d like to join us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in 2017, we will set sail from New Orleans on Monday, February 13. We\u2019ll celebrate Valentine\u2019s Day together at sea\u2014we will head to the western Caribbean. We\u2019ve got Kevin DeYoung joining us. Paul David Tripp is going to be onboard. H.B. Charles will be with us. Jeremy Camp is going to be singing. Michael Jr. will be on board doing comedy. We are excited about the cruise and so are many of our listeners because it\u2019s about half-filled right now. So if you would like to be a part of the 2017 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, get in touch with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe best way to do it is to call 1-800-FL-TODAY. In fact, we\u2019ve got some special rates available this week for balcony cabins\u2014it\u2019s actually good this week or next week. You need to call to get the information\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d We\u2019d love to have you be along with us on the 2017 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Gary Thomas\u2019 message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, as he explores four ways that we can demonstrate our love for our spouse. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303902","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303902"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303902"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303902"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303902"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303902"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303902"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303902"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}