{"id":303900,"date":"2016-03-04T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-03-04T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/healing-scars-of-the-past\/"},"modified":"2016-03-04T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-03-04T17:00:00","slug":"healing-scars-of-the-past","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/healing-scars-of-the-past\/","title":{"rendered":"Healing Scars of the Past"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Nicole Braddock Bromley | Series: Breathe | Wounds leave scars. Nicole Braddock Bromley talks about her ongoing healing from sexual abuse, which included forgiving her abuser.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wounds leave scars. Nicole Braddock Bromley talks about her ongoing healing from sexual abuse, which included forgiving her abuser.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-04.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.24M","filesize_raw":"24368146","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873,2093],"tags":[4374],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3409],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303900","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-women","tag-sexual-abuse","cwp_profile-nicole-braddock-bromley","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303900\/healing-scars-of-the-past","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303900\/healing-scars-of-the-past","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZpXIDSUs2V\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/healing-scars-of-the-past\/\">Healing Scars of the Past<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/healing-scars-of-the-past\/embed\/#?secret=ZpXIDSUs2V\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Healing Scars of the Past&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZpXIDSUs2V\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-04.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-04.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The scars that childhood sexual abuse can leave on the soul of a young man or a young woman can affect all kinds of relationships into the future. Here is Nicole Bromley.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I believed two lies about men growing up\u2014one, that no man can be trusted; and two, that all that a man wants is sex. I lived out of those lies\u2014that\u2019s the way that I treated men \/ that\u2019s the way I engaged in relationship with men. That is one of the effects that would stay with me for a number of years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Nicole Bromley joins us again today to talk about the road to recovery from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. You know, I was in a car wreck\u2014this was more than a decade ago. As a result of that, I had a fracture in my wrist, and they had to put what they call an external fixator on my arm. Do you remember\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I remember that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014seeing that?\u00a0 It was kind of stuck out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You kind of looked like an antenna there for a while. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It did have kind of a Frankenstein quality to it; but you can see here, on my hand, there is still just a little bit of a scar from where that fixator was attached.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Slight\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And those kinds of things stay with you as a reminder\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014those physical scars from events in the past. Our souls get scarred as well. In fact, we\u2019ve been talking this week about one of the deep soul scars that can happen to somebody. Even when God heals, there can still be scars that remain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think of my friend, Dr. Dan Allender\u2014what he says about sexual abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe says that sexual abuse is the hardest stone the devil of hell can throw at a human being\u2014just the visual picture of someone evil throwing a stone and hitting them. It is going to make a scar\u2014there is no doubt about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is Nicole Bromley. She has written a book called <em>Breathe: Finding Freedom to Thrive in Relationships After Childhood Sexual Abuse<\/em>. Nicole speaks around the country on behalf of OneVOICE, which she founded. Welcome back to the broadcast, Nicole. We sure appreciated your honesty this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Thanks for having me, guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob mentioned scars. You write in your book how people, who have been abused, have difficulty forming relationships. Is it because of the scars of the past, Nicole?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Yes; definitely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI second what Dan Allender says. In my own words, I have said it is like a lightning bolt. Sexual abuse is like a lightning bolt that strikes a child at their very core. I think it is true that the effects of sexual abuse will last for a lifetime; and though there is healing that comes and there is freedom that comes, it is still something that stays with you. It will affect relationships. It will affect different things along the whole course of your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHealing is a lifelong journey\u2014had I not believed that, and then got married, and entered into intimacy, and then later had a child\u2014I would have really been rocked by these kinds of things. But recognizing that there are always new phases of life, where we can receive healing, is really important. Relationships are a huge factor in all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Before you met your husband, had you had any serious dating relationships with a guy that you thought you wanted to marry?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I definitely had quite a few dating relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know that I was ever with anyone that I was very serious about marrying. I think there was always something in the back of my mind that told me that it was not the right one. Maybe, in my way of relating, I wanted to turn them into that. I was the kind of girl that always tried to change men and create them into this perfect, safe, little trustworthy package; but that didn\u2019t really work. [Laughter] God kind of hit me over the head with that one day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you think that your ability to relate to guys\u2014to members of the opposite sex\u2014what was the impact of your childhood sexual abuse on just your ability to have opposite-sex relationships?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I think one of the biggest things that I\u2019ve dealt with and struggled with in relationships with the opposite sex was trust, but that\u2019s an overall issue that I have struggled with as a result of abuse anyways. But trusting men\u2014for so long, I believed two lies about men\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014one, that no man can be trusted; and two, that all a man wants is sex. I lived out of those lies\u2014you know, that is the way I treated men \/ that is the way I engaged in relationships with men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In all fairness, though, Nicole\u2014that is how you have been related to by the number-one man in your life, your stepfather\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014from the age of five to the age of fourteen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you can understand where you come across thinking that is true about guys; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly; yes. So, that is one of the effects that would stay with me for a number of years. Honestly, it is something probably I\u2019ll still have to deal with from time to time; but I am grateful that the Lord has brought amazing men in my life that have modeled integrity for me. My mom remarried an amazing man. My stepdad, now, has really modeled for me what it looks like to be a godly man\u2014a man of integrity, a man who can be trusted, a man who is not selfish \/ just looking for something to please himself\u2014 and also, what a head of a household looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, growing up\u2014in college, there were men in my life who proved to me what that godly Christian man looked like, where I\u2019d never really thought that was possible. But \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tall these kinds of men I have encountered throughout my life have helped me to be able to dispel these lies that I had carried for so long and open myself\u2014my heart \/ my mind\u2014up to being with someone like my husband Matt, who is a prime example of what a godly man of integrity looks like. For me, to be able to trust him took a lot of healing \/ took a lot of work in dispelling lies and replacing those lies with the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, what did that look like in your relationship with Matt?\u00a0 For example, as you guys were dating\u2014and you were finding yourself, reflexively, going, \u201cI can\u2019t trust him\u2014he\u2019s a man,\u201d\u2014how did that play out?\u00a0 How did he win you over?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I think that a lot of it had been worked out before I met him. Like I said, I had been in and out of other relationships, where I was constantly trying to turn this man into something that he wasn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was trying to do that for me\u2014any changes were for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI came to a point where I realized: \u201cI do not want someone who is just changing these little things about himself for me because let us say we get married, and we hit a rocky spot, and he does not care about making these changes for me\u2014he is just going to go right back to who he is at his core for himself and for the Lord.\u201d I came to that realization. It was me\u2014surrendering my life and my relationships to God and asking God, \u201cBring me a man who, the day I meet him, is who he wants to be for You\u2014not for anybody else\u2014because that is what is going to stick.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I finally met Matt, I saw that in his life.\u00a0 I saw the way he interacted with people. I saw how he respected women. I saw how he was seeking after God and God\u2019s work in his life and God\u2019s will and plan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just all stuck out to me as things that I wanted in all these other guys, but I was trying to force that on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It sounds like you\u2019re saying that the fact that Matt had a heart for God that was bigger even than his interest in you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly. I heard a quote one time\u2014I am not sure who said it\u2014but it was that \u201cA man should get so lost in God that that\u2019s where he is finding your heart,\u201d\u2014the woman\u2019s heart. He should be seeking after God\u2019s heart because that is what is most important. That\u2019s what would stick.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nicole, one of the mistakes, I think, young people are making, as singles, is they are sharing things with one another that are really inappropriate before there has been a commitment in their relationship that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Inappropriate\u2014how?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it is a transparency that is not appropriate to the commitment of the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Too emotionally intimate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; indiscriminately so. I think what happens with single people, who do that, is\u2014they get attached emotionally before there has been any kind of verbal definition given to the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith you and Matt, when did you have the conversation with him, where you began to unpack what had happened to you, as a little girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Well, I speak on a lot of college campuses. They call this DTR\u2014\u201cDetermining the Relationship,\u201d where you actually sit down and talk about where you are at. Matt and I had a DTR a couple of months into our relationship. Now, the unique thing about Matt and me\u2014we were set up\u2014and we were setup a couple of years after I had graduated from college. I had already been in ministry. I had a website that said, \u201cNicole, sexual abuse survivor \/ speaker.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>So, he already had a little bit of a background on where I had come from; but at the same time, it was still very important for me to open up and share with him personally. And you know\u2014you\u2019re right. These kinds of things really will bond you to another person when you share intimate details of your past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014your hardships \/ all those kinds of things. This can even happen in same-sex relationships. You can get enmeshed with people to a point where it becomes very unhealthy. I think it is important to really set boundaries in that, but that is probably for another show with another speaker. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But he defined the relationship and let you know that he was committed to you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and had some interest in pursuing a relationship with you, long haul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly. Once you know that this is a relationship that, like you said\u2014it is for the long haul \/ this person is committed to you and you trust them. This is a very intimate, very serious, very important part of you that should not just be broadcast to everybody. This is saved for people that you really care about, and you believe care about you, and to not take that lightly\u2014and I did not. I never did\u2014if I told my secret to anyone\u2014before I became a public speaker about this\u2014it was because I really trusted you. I think that those people should understand that\u2014that if you hear someone else\u2019s story \/ their secret like that\u2014I mean, treasure that trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means a lot to a survivor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for me\u2014yes; I always tell people it is important to talk about this before marriage. It is <em>so<\/em> important. Do not wait until after you are engaged and all of that. It needs to be dealt with in the context of a very trusting relationship that is going somewhere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, do you remember the time you told him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Actually, now, that you bring up\u2014it is funny\u2014it was also in the car. And really, the purpose of it was I wanted to tell him about this. Sometimes, for people, it is easy to talk about things while you are driving in a car because you do not have to look them in the eye. That was sort of my reason for doing it that way. You just have their complete attention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told him: \u201cI know that you know my background. I know that you know this is my ministry. I talk about this all the time, but you are very important to me. We have a future we are talking about here. I want you to know more about this\u2014and not just that it happened to me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cbut how it affects me.\u201d\u00a0 I sort of unpacked a little bit\u2014not details of what happened to me \/ not actual incidents\u2014but explaining how it affects me today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what they need to do is come to understand\u2014and this is what Matt has had to learn\u2014that sometimes I might fly off the handle at something that makes no difference to him \/ doesn\u2019t makes any sense; but to me, it made me go back into that childhood. What he has had to learn is come to me\u2014and that takes a lot out of him \/ to not take something personal\u2014but it is not personal. I think that\u2014that, right there\u2014is the foundation of our marriage. It has really helped us through a lot of things. He is the best husband I could ever ask for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask you about the damage that is done to the whole issue of your sexuality with this kind of sexual abuse that you experienced. Now, you are a wife \/ you are a mom, but there are still triggers that affect things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat is the impact of the brokenness that occurred in your childhood on your adult and marital sexuality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I believe that sexual abuse drums into your mind the belief that sex is bad. If sex is bad and you have sexual feelings\u2014which we do because we were created as sexual beings\u2014it makes sense in our minds, as victims, that we must be bad. If we have sexual feelings, and we are required to be intimate, then, we must be horrible people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that that is something that is a really big struggle for a lot of people, who have gone through sexual abuse, because coming to the understanding that sex is a gift\u2014it is good \/ God created it for our enjoyment\u2014does not make any sense because all of our lives it was a horrible thing meant to control us \/ meant to hurt us. So, I think, this is an area that takes a lot of work and takes a third party. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that marriage counseling is really important here to really rework the experience of sexuality and to be able to view it the way God intended it. It takes a lot of time, and it takes someone else helping you work through it. I really encourage people to seek out a good counselor who can help guide them in that area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have there been specific things you\u2019ve had to reprogram yourself on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I think so. I think, for me, it has been looking at sex the way it was intended. I have had to understand that what happened to me was not sex\u2014it is not the way God intended it\u2014so I have not even labeled it as that anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have also had to come to the understanding\u2014this was one of the most freeing things that I came to understand in my personal healing journey\u2014was that, for so long, I felt responsible for my abuse. I felt like it was my fault. I felt like I had asked for it. I felt like I had wanted it, even though I had read and heard a million times from other people that that is not the case. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there was one final piece for me that I held on to for so long because I was so afraid to speak about it \/ to say it out loud; but I will say it here today because of how freeing it was for me and how freeing it can be for you\u2014and that is, for\u2014all growing up, I thought I must be the most horrible, disgusting person on this whole planet if what my stepfather did to me ever felt good. There was a day that came when I understood how God made our bodies, and He made them to respond to touch. This was a gift He has given us. It just wasn\u2019t supposed to happen in the context that it had happened with me as a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat understanding released me from feeling the shame and the guilt of my body responding to my stepfather\u2019s touch and understanding that my body did not betray me\u2014my stepdad did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that understanding that also helped me to rework sexuality into my own life and seeing the way it was meant to be\u2014not the way it was pressed upon me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nicole, I want to take you back to kind of the big story \/ the overall story of what you shared here and take you to the toughest question of all, I think: \u201cWere you able to forgive your stepdad?\u00a0 And if so, how in the world did that happen?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Forgiveness is such a difficult topic for sexual abuse survivors. So I am always very careful with that word and acknowledge that there is a lot of hurt and pain that comes into people\u2019s lives with the issue of forgiveness because so many times, people in the church will say: \u201cWell, you just need to forgive and move on. That\u2019s the first step.\u201d It is not the first step\u2014in my opinion, it comes down the road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to be angry at your abuser. You have to place blame where it belonged before you are ever able to forgive what he did. If I had forgiven my stepfather before I had let myself feel free of the fault \/ the shame, it would not have made sense. So it comes later for me, and I think for everyone else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want folks to really hear what you just said because I think what you are saying is\u2014until you really capture the depth of the sin, you cannot experience the depth of the forgiveness. You can\u2019t embrace forgiveness at its fullest level until you have really understood and entered into the reality of the depth of the sin \/ the transgression against you. You\u2019re not saying you have got to go through some therapeutic cycle related to getting to forgiveness, but you cannot forgive what you have not fully understood is wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well\u2014or if you did like some Christians do\u2014which is they make light of the sin, and kind of brush by it, and want to move and rush toward forgiveness\u2014what Nicole is saying is: \u201cStop and ponder how you have been betrayed,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201chow you have been hurt, how you have been wounded so that, when you do utter the words of forgiveness, it has context and meaning\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly; right. We cannot rush forgiveness. We do not expect someone with a broken leg to run a marathon. A survivor, who has yet to get in touch with that pain, still has a broken leg. So we cannot make him run that marathon yet. Forgiveness comes later. Like you said, you have to acknowledge the enormity of what you are forgiving before you can truly release it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I had to come that understanding. I had to walk through that part of my healing and place blame where it belonged\u2014to say: \u201cWhat he did was wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThis is how his sin has affected me, but I am to a place where I am ready to forgive him because I want to move on in my life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI saw how this situation in my childhood was affecting my choices \/ it was affecting my relationships. It was almost like I was dragging my stepfather around with me everywhere I went\u2014like attached to some kind of a cord. Forgiveness, for me, was cutting that cord. It was like the scissors that cut off the pain of the past. It really released me from feeling the need for revenge or feeling the need to hang onto this for the rest of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChrist has forgiven me for the things I have done \/ I know that He would forgive you. I am not above God\u2014I must forgive as He does. I cannot explain forgiveness as anything else other than a complete spiritual gift\u2014a transformation that happens. It is an amazing thing. The peace that came \/ the joy that came that replaced the humiliation \/ the betrayal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014all of those feelings were amazing. It did not end that day.\u00a0 Forgiveness is something I have to come back to. Jesus said we are to forgive seventy times seven times. So, this is something that\u2014if healing is a lifelong process, forgiveness is too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like what you said there about: \u201cYou\u2019re not above God. If God forgives, certainly, we must as well.\u201d\u00a0 Ephesians 4\u2014the last verse of the chapter says, \u201cForgiving one another in Christ just as God has forgiven us.\u201d\u00a0 You have modeled that here\u2014to give up the right of punishment of another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNicole, I just want to thank you for the work that you are doing on behalf of victims of sexual abuse\u2014for sharing your secret publicly so that others can get out of the darkness as well\u2014and for writing this book, <em>Breathe<\/em>, because I think it is going to be more than just a breath of fresh air to a lot of men and women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it is going to help, perhaps, family members better understand what has taken place, and maybe, a family member they are attempting to love and attempting to support in the midst of sharing their secret. Thanks for being on the broadcast. I am grateful to God for your ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I am thinking about the people who may be the ones who are confided in\u2014the people who are going to hear from someone else, who decides to come clean. They are going to hear about a past history of childhood sexual abuse. Your books can be a resource for those folks to say, \u201cHere, I can help,\u201d\u2014because in your book, <em>Hush<\/em>, you tell the story of what happened in your life and in your family \/ in the book, <em>Breathe<\/em>, you talk about how you find wholeness in relationships after the kind of abuse you experienced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have got copies of both of these books in our FamilyLife <em>Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy. Again, that is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329, and we will let you know how you can have a copy of either or both of Nicole\u2019s books sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, today is the 4<sup>th<\/sup> of March. You know what that means\u2014at least, you know what that means if you are Ian and Karen Groh, who live in Mount Joy, Pennsylvania. They are celebrating four years of marriage today. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Grohs on their fourth anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are celebrating 40 years, this year, as a ministry. What we\u2019re really trying to focus on is all of the anniversaries that have happened because of the ministry of FamilyLife. The Grohs have been to two <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> <sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways already. I think that\u2019s probably why they live in Mount Joy, Pennsylvania, because they\u2019ve been to two <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know when your anniversary comes up this year; but whenever it is, we\u2019d love to help you celebrate it and make it one of your best anniversaries ever. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and give us your anniversary date. About a month before your anniversary arrives, we\u2019ll send you some emails or text messages that will give you some\u2014just some ideas on things you can do to make the celebration extra special this year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019re all about anniversaries, here at FamilyLife\u2014the proud sponsor of a whole lot of anniversaries over the years. And we want to thank those of you who help make this program possible. We\u2019re grateful for the partnership of listeners who provide the financial support for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019re listener-supported and couldn\u2019t do what we do without your participation in this ministry. So, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who support us\u2014especially those of you who are Legacy Partners and give each month to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014we appreciate you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us on Monday. We just got back, a couple of weeks ago, from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. We want to share with you some of the great messages that we heard onboard the cruise\u2014not only was it a lot of fun\u2014but it was great time of growth. We would love for you to hear some of what we shared onboard. That happens beginning Monday. Hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.24M"],"filesize_raw":["24368146"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303900.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303900.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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leave scars. Nicole Braddock Bromley talks about her ongoing healing from sexual abuse, which included forgiving her abuser.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-03-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The scars that childhood sexual abuse can leave on the soul of a young man or a young woman can affect all kinds of relationships into the future. Here is Nicole Bromley.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I believed two lies about men growing up\u2014one, that no man can be trusted; and two, that all that a man wants is sex. I lived out of those lies\u2014that\u2019s the way that I treated men \/ that\u2019s the way I engaged in relationship with men. That is one of the effects that would stay with me for a number of years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Nicole Bromley joins us again today to talk about the road to recovery from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. You know, I was in a car wreck\u2014this was more than a decade ago. As a result of that, I had a fracture in my wrist, and they had to put what they call an external fixator on my arm. Do you remember\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I remember that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014seeing that?\u00a0 It was kind of stuck out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You kind of looked like an antenna there for a while. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It did have kind of a Frankenstein quality to it; but you can see here, on my hand, there is still just a little bit of a scar from where that fixator was attached.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Slight\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And those kinds of things stay with you as a reminder\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014those physical scars from events in the past. Our souls get scarred as well. In fact, we\u2019ve been talking this week about one of the deep soul scars that can happen to somebody. Even when God heals, there can still be scars that remain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think of my friend, Dr. Dan Allender\u2014what he says about sexual abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe says that sexual abuse is the hardest stone the devil of hell can throw at a human being\u2014just the visual picture of someone evil throwing a stone and hitting them. It is going to make a scar\u2014there is no doubt about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is Nicole Bromley. She has written a book called <em>Breathe: Finding Freedom to Thrive in Relationships After Childhood Sexual Abuse<\/em>. Nicole speaks around the country on behalf of OneVOICE, which she founded. Welcome back to the broadcast, Nicole. We sure appreciated your honesty this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Thanks for having me, guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob mentioned scars. You write in your book how people, who have been abused, have difficulty forming relationships. Is it because of the scars of the past, Nicole?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Yes; definitely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI second what Dan Allender says. In my own words, I have said it is like a lightning bolt. Sexual abuse is like a lightning bolt that strikes a child at their very core. I think it is true that the effects of sexual abuse will last for a lifetime; and though there is healing that comes and there is freedom that comes, it is still something that stays with you. It will affect relationships. It will affect different things along the whole course of your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHealing is a lifelong journey\u2014had I not believed that, and then got married, and entered into intimacy, and then later had a child\u2014I would have really been rocked by these kinds of things. But recognizing that there are always new phases of life, where we can receive healing, is really important. Relationships are a huge factor in all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Before you met your husband, had you had any serious dating relationships with a guy that you thought you wanted to marry?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I definitely had quite a few dating relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know that I was ever with anyone that I was very serious about marrying. I think there was always something in the back of my mind that told me that it was not the right one. Maybe, in my way of relating, I wanted to turn them into that. I was the kind of girl that always tried to change men and create them into this perfect, safe, little trustworthy package; but that didn\u2019t really work. [Laughter] God kind of hit me over the head with that one day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you think that your ability to relate to guys\u2014to members of the opposite sex\u2014what was the impact of your childhood sexual abuse on just your ability to have opposite-sex relationships?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I think one of the biggest things that I\u2019ve dealt with and struggled with in relationships with the opposite sex was trust, but that\u2019s an overall issue that I have struggled with as a result of abuse anyways. But trusting men\u2014for so long, I believed two lies about men\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014one, that no man can be trusted; and two, that all a man wants is sex. I lived out of those lies\u2014you know, that is the way I treated men \/ that is the way I engaged in relationships with men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In all fairness, though, Nicole\u2014that is how you have been related to by the number-one man in your life, your stepfather\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014from the age of five to the age of fourteen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you can understand where you come across thinking that is true about guys; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly; yes. So, that is one of the effects that would stay with me for a number of years. Honestly, it is something probably I\u2019ll still have to deal with from time to time; but I am grateful that the Lord has brought amazing men in my life that have modeled integrity for me. My mom remarried an amazing man. My stepdad, now, has really modeled for me what it looks like to be a godly man\u2014a man of integrity, a man who can be trusted, a man who is not selfish \/ just looking for something to please himself\u2014 and also, what a head of a household looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, growing up\u2014in college, there were men in my life who proved to me what that godly Christian man looked like, where I\u2019d never really thought that was possible. But \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tall these kinds of men I have encountered throughout my life have helped me to be able to dispel these lies that I had carried for so long and open myself\u2014my heart \/ my mind\u2014up to being with someone like my husband Matt, who is a prime example of what a godly man of integrity looks like. For me, to be able to trust him took a lot of healing \/ took a lot of work in dispelling lies and replacing those lies with the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, what did that look like in your relationship with Matt?\u00a0 For example, as you guys were dating\u2014and you were finding yourself, reflexively, going, \u201cI can\u2019t trust him\u2014he\u2019s a man,\u201d\u2014how did that play out?\u00a0 How did he win you over?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I think that a lot of it had been worked out before I met him. Like I said, I had been in and out of other relationships, where I was constantly trying to turn this man into something that he wasn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was trying to do that for me\u2014any changes were for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI came to a point where I realized: \u201cI do not want someone who is just changing these little things about himself for me because let us say we get married, and we hit a rocky spot, and he does not care about making these changes for me\u2014he is just going to go right back to who he is at his core for himself and for the Lord.\u201d I came to that realization. It was me\u2014surrendering my life and my relationships to God and asking God, \u201cBring me a man who, the day I meet him, is who he wants to be for You\u2014not for anybody else\u2014because that is what is going to stick.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I finally met Matt, I saw that in his life.\u00a0 I saw the way he interacted with people. I saw how he respected women. I saw how he was seeking after God and God\u2019s work in his life and God\u2019s will and plan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just all stuck out to me as things that I wanted in all these other guys, but I was trying to force that on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It sounds like you\u2019re saying that the fact that Matt had a heart for God that was bigger even than his interest in you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly. I heard a quote one time\u2014I am not sure who said it\u2014but it was that \u201cA man should get so lost in God that that\u2019s where he is finding your heart,\u201d\u2014the woman\u2019s heart. He should be seeking after God\u2019s heart because that is what is most important. That\u2019s what would stick.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nicole, one of the mistakes, I think, young people are making, as singles, is they are sharing things with one another that are really inappropriate before there has been a commitment in their relationship that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Inappropriate\u2014how?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it is a transparency that is not appropriate to the commitment of the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Too emotionally intimate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; indiscriminately so. I think what happens with single people, who do that, is\u2014they get attached emotionally before there has been any kind of verbal definition given to the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith you and Matt, when did you have the conversation with him, where you began to unpack what had happened to you, as a little girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Well, I speak on a lot of college campuses. They call this DTR\u2014\u201cDetermining the Relationship,\u201d where you actually sit down and talk about where you are at. Matt and I had a DTR a couple of months into our relationship. Now, the unique thing about Matt and me\u2014we were set up\u2014and we were setup a couple of years after I had graduated from college. I had already been in ministry. I had a website that said, \u201cNicole, sexual abuse survivor \/ speaker.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>So, he already had a little bit of a background on where I had come from; but at the same time, it was still very important for me to open up and share with him personally. And you know\u2014you\u2019re right. These kinds of things really will bond you to another person when you share intimate details of your past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014your hardships \/ all those kinds of things. This can even happen in same-sex relationships. You can get enmeshed with people to a point where it becomes very unhealthy. I think it is important to really set boundaries in that, but that is probably for another show with another speaker. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But he defined the relationship and let you know that he was committed to you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and had some interest in pursuing a relationship with you, long haul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly. Once you know that this is a relationship that, like you said\u2014it is for the long haul \/ this person is committed to you and you trust them. This is a very intimate, very serious, very important part of you that should not just be broadcast to everybody. This is saved for people that you really care about, and you believe care about you, and to not take that lightly\u2014and I did not. I never did\u2014if I told my secret to anyone\u2014before I became a public speaker about this\u2014it was because I really trusted you. I think that those people should understand that\u2014that if you hear someone else\u2019s story \/ their secret like that\u2014I mean, treasure that trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means a lot to a survivor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for me\u2014yes; I always tell people it is important to talk about this before marriage. It is <em>so<\/em> important. Do not wait until after you are engaged and all of that. It needs to be dealt with in the context of a very trusting relationship that is going somewhere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, do you remember the time you told him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Actually, now, that you bring up\u2014it is funny\u2014it was also in the car. And really, the purpose of it was I wanted to tell him about this. Sometimes, for people, it is easy to talk about things while you are driving in a car because you do not have to look them in the eye. That was sort of my reason for doing it that way. You just have their complete attention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told him: \u201cI know that you know my background. I know that you know this is my ministry. I talk about this all the time, but you are very important to me. We have a future we are talking about here. I want you to know more about this\u2014and not just that it happened to me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cbut how it affects me.\u201d\u00a0 I sort of unpacked a little bit\u2014not details of what happened to me \/ not actual incidents\u2014but explaining how it affects me today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what they need to do is come to understand\u2014and this is what Matt has had to learn\u2014that sometimes I might fly off the handle at something that makes no difference to him \/ doesn\u2019t makes any sense; but to me, it made me go back into that childhood. What he has had to learn is come to me\u2014and that takes a lot out of him \/ to not take something personal\u2014but it is not personal. I think that\u2014that, right there\u2014is the foundation of our marriage. It has really helped us through a lot of things. He is the best husband I could ever ask for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask you about the damage that is done to the whole issue of your sexuality with this kind of sexual abuse that you experienced. Now, you are a wife \/ you are a mom, but there are still triggers that affect things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat is the impact of the brokenness that occurred in your childhood on your adult and marital sexuality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I believe that sexual abuse drums into your mind the belief that sex is bad. If sex is bad and you have sexual feelings\u2014which we do because we were created as sexual beings\u2014it makes sense in our minds, as victims, that we must be bad. If we have sexual feelings, and we are required to be intimate, then, we must be horrible people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that that is something that is a really big struggle for a lot of people, who have gone through sexual abuse, because coming to the understanding that sex is a gift\u2014it is good \/ God created it for our enjoyment\u2014does not make any sense because all of our lives it was a horrible thing meant to control us \/ meant to hurt us. So, I think, this is an area that takes a lot of work and takes a third party. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that marriage counseling is really important here to really rework the experience of sexuality and to be able to view it the way God intended it. It takes a lot of time, and it takes someone else helping you work through it. I really encourage people to seek out a good counselor who can help guide them in that area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have there been specific things you\u2019ve had to reprogram yourself on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>I think so. I think, for me, it has been looking at sex the way it was intended. I have had to understand that what happened to me was not sex\u2014it is not the way God intended it\u2014so I have not even labeled it as that anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have also had to come to the understanding\u2014this was one of the most freeing things that I came to understand in my personal healing journey\u2014was that, for so long, I felt responsible for my abuse. I felt like it was my fault. I felt like I had asked for it. I felt like I had wanted it, even though I had read and heard a million times from other people that that is not the case. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there was one final piece for me that I held on to for so long because I was so afraid to speak about it \/ to say it out loud; but I will say it here today because of how freeing it was for me and how freeing it can be for you\u2014and that is, for\u2014all growing up, I thought I must be the most horrible, disgusting person on this whole planet if what my stepfather did to me ever felt good. There was a day that came when I understood how God made our bodies, and He made them to respond to touch. This was a gift He has given us. It just wasn\u2019t supposed to happen in the context that it had happened with me as a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat understanding released me from feeling the shame and the guilt of my body responding to my stepfather\u2019s touch and understanding that my body did not betray me\u2014my stepdad did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that understanding that also helped me to rework sexuality into my own life and seeing the way it was meant to be\u2014not the way it was pressed upon me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nicole, I want to take you back to kind of the big story \/ the overall story of what you shared here and take you to the toughest question of all, I think: \u201cWere you able to forgive your stepdad?\u00a0 And if so, how in the world did that happen?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Forgiveness is such a difficult topic for sexual abuse survivors. So I am always very careful with that word and acknowledge that there is a lot of hurt and pain that comes into people\u2019s lives with the issue of forgiveness because so many times, people in the church will say: \u201cWell, you just need to forgive and move on. That\u2019s the first step.\u201d It is not the first step\u2014in my opinion, it comes down the road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to be angry at your abuser. You have to place blame where it belonged before you are ever able to forgive what he did. If I had forgiven my stepfather before I had let myself feel free of the fault \/ the shame, it would not have made sense. So it comes later for me, and I think for everyone else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want folks to really hear what you just said because I think what you are saying is\u2014until you really capture the depth of the sin, you cannot experience the depth of the forgiveness. You can\u2019t embrace forgiveness at its fullest level until you have really understood and entered into the reality of the depth of the sin \/ the transgression against you. You\u2019re not saying you have got to go through some therapeutic cycle related to getting to forgiveness, but you cannot forgive what you have not fully understood is wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well\u2014or if you did like some Christians do\u2014which is they make light of the sin, and kind of brush by it, and want to move and rush toward forgiveness\u2014what Nicole is saying is: \u201cStop and ponder how you have been betrayed,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201chow you have been hurt, how you have been wounded so that, when you do utter the words of forgiveness, it has context and meaning\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Exactly; right. We cannot rush forgiveness. We do not expect someone with a broken leg to run a marathon. A survivor, who has yet to get in touch with that pain, still has a broken leg. So we cannot make him run that marathon yet. Forgiveness comes later. Like you said, you have to acknowledge the enormity of what you are forgiving before you can truly release it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I had to come that understanding. I had to walk through that part of my healing and place blame where it belonged\u2014to say: \u201cWhat he did was wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThis is how his sin has affected me, but I am to a place where I am ready to forgive him because I want to move on in my life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI saw how this situation in my childhood was affecting my choices \/ it was affecting my relationships. It was almost like I was dragging my stepfather around with me everywhere I went\u2014like attached to some kind of a cord. Forgiveness, for me, was cutting that cord. It was like the scissors that cut off the pain of the past. It really released me from feeling the need for revenge or feeling the need to hang onto this for the rest of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChrist has forgiven me for the things I have done \/ I know that He would forgive you. I am not above God\u2014I must forgive as He does. I cannot explain forgiveness as anything else other than a complete spiritual gift\u2014a transformation that happens. It is an amazing thing. The peace that came \/ the joy that came that replaced the humiliation \/ the betrayal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014all of those feelings were amazing. It did not end that day.\u00a0 Forgiveness is something I have to come back to. Jesus said we are to forgive seventy times seven times. So, this is something that\u2014if healing is a lifelong process, forgiveness is too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like what you said there about: \u201cYou\u2019re not above God. If God forgives, certainly, we must as well.\u201d\u00a0 Ephesians 4\u2014the last verse of the chapter says, \u201cForgiving one another in Christ just as God has forgiven us.\u201d\u00a0 You have modeled that here\u2014to give up the right of punishment of another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNicole, I just want to thank you for the work that you are doing on behalf of victims of sexual abuse\u2014for sharing your secret publicly so that others can get out of the darkness as well\u2014and for writing this book, <em>Breathe<\/em>, because I think it is going to be more than just a breath of fresh air to a lot of men and women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it is going to help, perhaps, family members better understand what has taken place, and maybe, a family member they are attempting to love and attempting to support in the midst of sharing their secret. Thanks for being on the broadcast. I am grateful to God for your ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I am thinking about the people who may be the ones who are confided in\u2014the people who are going to hear from someone else, who decides to come clean. They are going to hear about a past history of childhood sexual abuse. Your books can be a resource for those folks to say, \u201cHere, I can help,\u201d\u2014because in your book, <em>Hush<\/em>, you tell the story of what happened in your life and in your family \/ in the book, <em>Breathe<\/em>, you talk about how you find wholeness in relationships after the kind of abuse you experienced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have got copies of both of these books in our FamilyLife <em>Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy. Again, that is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329, and we will let you know how you can have a copy of either or both of Nicole\u2019s books sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, today is the 4<sup>th<\/sup> of March. You know what that means\u2014at least, you know what that means if you are Ian and Karen Groh, who live in Mount Joy, Pennsylvania. They are celebrating four years of marriage today. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Grohs on their fourth anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are celebrating 40 years, this year, as a ministry. What we\u2019re really trying to focus on is all of the anniversaries that have happened because of the ministry of FamilyLife. The Grohs have been to two <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> <sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways already. I think that\u2019s probably why they live in Mount Joy, Pennsylvania, because they\u2019ve been to two <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know when your anniversary comes up this year; but whenever it is, we\u2019d love to help you celebrate it and make it one of your best anniversaries ever. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and give us your anniversary date. About a month before your anniversary arrives, we\u2019ll send you some emails or text messages that will give you some\u2014just some ideas on things you can do to make the celebration extra special this year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019re all about anniversaries, here at FamilyLife\u2014the proud sponsor of a whole lot of anniversaries over the years. And we want to thank those of you who help make this program possible. We\u2019re grateful for the partnership of listeners who provide the financial support for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019re listener-supported and couldn\u2019t do what we do without your participation in this ministry. So, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who support us\u2014especially those of you who are Legacy Partners and give each month to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014we appreciate you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us on Monday. We just got back, a couple of weeks ago, from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. We want to share with you some of the great messages that we heard onboard the cruise\u2014not only was it a lot of fun\u2014but it was great time of growth. We would love for you to hear some of what we shared onboard. That happens beginning Monday. Hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303900"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303900"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303900"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303900"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}