{"id":303884,"date":"2016-02-23T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/parenting-priorities\/"},"modified":"2016-02-23T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-02-23T17:00:00","slug":"parenting-priorities","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-priorities\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Priorities"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Chris Groff, Michelle Groff | Series: Parenting by Design | A family crisis is disorienting. That&#8217;s what Chris and Michelle Groff discovered when their teenage son was caught breaking into a car. They began to realize that their parenting style was going to have to change if they were going to help him. The Groffs share what they learned while their son was in rehab, and how they used this information to start their own ministry helping other parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chris and Michelle Groff share what they learned while their son was in rehab, and how they used this information to start their own ministry helping other parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-02-23.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.07M","filesize_raw":"24188279","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2835],"tags":[5332,5924,4465,5961,5962],"podcast_series":[8127],"cwp_profile":[9419,9420],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303884","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-raising-boys","tag-drug-abuse","tag-drug-addiction","tag-drugs","tag-teen-drug-abuse","tag-troubled-teens","podcast_series-parenting-by-design","cwp_profile-chris-groff","cwp_profile-michelle-groff","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303884\/parenting-priorities","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303884\/parenting-priorities","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"qiNzBHo08L\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-priorities\/\">Parenting Priorities<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-priorities\/embed\/#?secret=qiNzBHo08L\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Parenting Priorities&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"qiNzBHo08L\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Chris and Michelle Groff share what they learned while their son was in rehab, and how they used this information to start their own ministry helping other parents.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-02-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Chris Groff remembers when he began to realize that being a Christian parent meant more than just making sure your kids were with you in church on Sunday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>The difference for me, I think, was\u2014when we started exploring how God parents us, we learned, first, how to be a better child of God; and then, we were able to turn to our kids and say, \u201cWe\u2019re going to parent them the way we have now been learning that God parents us.\u201d\u00a0 It was a sea change\u2014it was remarkable!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Chris and Michelle Groff join us today to talk about the transformation that took place in their family when they decided to be more than just good Christian parents. We\u2019ll talk about that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, when we, as moms and dads, get those moments in life when something is wrong with one of our kids\u2014whether it\u2019s something that they brought on themselves or something that happened to them\u2014those are reorienting times in a marriage and in a family. You\u2019d better have a good foundation established if you\u2019re going to weather those times well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014even to the strongest followers of Christ\u2014even to people who have got a history of being in the Bible, growing out of the Scriptures, growing in community with other people\u2014I would change one word. They are not reorienting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014initially, they are disorienting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I mean, if you are raising kids who are doing okay, all is well in the universe; but if one of them isn\u2019t\u2014I mean, you could have a dozen kids and if only one out of 12 is struggling\u2014<em>all<\/em> the energy, <em>all<\/em> the resources, <em>all<\/em> the prayer go to that one lost sheep and in pursuit of that sheep to help them grow and come back to the fold. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we\u2019ve got a couple here with us who have experienced this. Chris and Michelle Groff join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They have written a book called <em>Parenting by Design<\/em>. Chris is a graduate of <em>The<\/em> Dallas Theological Seminary\u2014Bob, take note of that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>The<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014<em>The<\/em> Dallas Theological Seminary. [Laughter]\u00a0 Michelle is a counselor by trade, and they have two sons\u2014been married 33 years. And we talked earlier about how you all were awakened at 2:30 in the morning with the news that your son had been high on drugs, had stolen a kid\u2019s stereo, and was running from the police. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was your son, Bob, who was 16 at the time. And this uncovered for you guys what had been a four-year period, where he\u2019d been using drugs\u2014he\u2019d been smoking marijuana \/ he\u2019d graduated, at this point, to cocaine. We talk about it being disorienting and reorienting. That night, a lot of life got put on hold because you had one big issue in front of you; didn\u2019t you, Chris?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely. I mean\u2014and when I picked him up that night, it was three in the morning, at this point. We drive to where we know the police are so we can have him do the <em>mea<\/em> <em>culpa<\/em> thing. But when we go back to the house, all these thoughts are flooding through your mind like: \u201cWhat happened?\u00a0 How did this happen?\u00a0 How did we get to this point?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, over a two-month period, we kind of just started to put the pieces together and began to realize\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and I think the scariest time was at the end of that two-month period, where we\u2019re getting ready to send him to a 10-month adolescent treatment program. As we\u2019re driving in the car to get on an airplane to go to Colorado, you look in his eyes; and there was nothing there. Bob was dead to us \/ to the world. He didn\u2019t care what happened to him. The fact that he had hit that low \/ that bottom was <em>terrifying<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s why they call it an intervention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>If you don\u2019t intervene, they <em>will<\/em> destroy themselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And Michelle, you\u2019re a counselor. As you look back on that time with your son, was he angry, was he confused, was he depressed?\u00a0 What was going on?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, I think, we started off with more Christian goals. But over the years, it was just compromise and then a compromise; and next thing you know, you realize, \u201cOur compass isn\u2019t in the right direction.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was all, I think, part of God\u2019s plan to help us see that our compass was way off. I think, in terms of what brought Bob to that point\u2014I think we were modeling an example of what success was that caused him a ton of anxiety. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, Chris\u2014how did the realization that your compass had gotten pointed in the wrong direction\u2014did that happen gradually for you guys; or did you look at each other and go: \u201cOh, man! We see how this happened\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>No, it was a gradual process. We dropped him off at the treatment program in Colorado. We went back up a few months later for parenting lessons\u2014they were teaching parent classes. I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014which is so humiliating and humbling because you\u2019re like, \u201cI\u2019m a good parent!\u201d\u2014well, you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>So, we\u2019re sitting in this room with pairs of other terrified parents or single parents that are all in the same boat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that was the time that it felt like God sat between us and put His arm around each shoulder and said, \u201cI\u2019ve got this, but I\u2019m going to need you guys to do some work.\u201d\u00a0 We didn\u2019t imagine what that meant \/ what that looked like until we went back in the spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy that point, the idea of parenting by design was kind of starting to form in our heads; but it was the process of getting ready for that where I think we started to see where the compass could be off and where it should be. Maybe, that was the part that was missing\u2014is, maybe, we knew the compass was off because we had a terrible result; but we didn\u2019t know where it should be. Going to those family weekends and just hearing the common sense perspective of what\u2014how God parents us and how we should, then, follow that example, helped us to understand where\u2019d we gone off course. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Michelle, at that point, you had not yet started your educational work toward becoming a counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou indicate this event moved you in that direction \/ expedited that. But you, Chris\u2014I mean, you had been a very successful attorney\/businessman. When you see a family come off the wheels\u2014it\u2019s not that the kids don\u2019t have their own responsibility\u2014they do \/ they are expected to do what\u2019s right; they have their own choices\u2014but in this case, you weren\u2019t really in the game. Something else had your head and your heart. As, really, the leader of this family, you were in trouble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>I was in trouble. The way I portray it is\u2014in our social circle, there are a whole bunch of treadmills lined up. Those treadmills are being powered by money, and vacations, and cars, and things like that. As your friends achieve some certain level of success\u2014very loaded word\u2014what happens is\u2014they turn the speed of your treadmill up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re not actually even controlling the speed. You get on that treadmill\u2014you <em>can\u2019t<\/em> get off for family, for marriage, for anything else because you\u2019re so focused on achieving this success goal\u2014that you become single-minded. It\u2019s even worse when you\u2019re getting affirmation back\u2014when you say, \u201cWell, gosh, you\u2019re really good at that!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re propping up an image at some point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>You\u2019re propping up this fa\u00e7ade of success. It meant that I was spending a lot more time on work. I was spending a lot more time on patching the holes in the fa\u00e7ade than I was on talking to my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, with all of this\u2014let me jump back ahead now\u2014your son is in rehab. You\u2019ve had a couple of parenting weekends, where you\u2019ve gone up to visit with him. The lights are starting to come on that, \u201cHuh, maybe, we haven\u2019t been doing this the way we ought to; but he\u2019s 16, and the other one is heading off to college,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s kind of like: \u201cDo you just say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u2018Oh, well! I guess we blew that part of our lives\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 What do you do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, for me, that first parent weekend was a real spiritual experience. I really <em>felt<\/em>\u2014maybe, even for the first time\u2014the relational side of Christianity versus, in the past, just kind of the theory of it. The truth that they were speaking about raising kids resonated to where I just wanted to come back and tell my friends what I was learning. I most particularly, though, felt a sense that God started charting our course in a different direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it had to be a bit of a wakeup call\u2014I mean, the 60 days of finding out what your son was into \/ then, ten months\u2014the heartache and the realization that the train had come off the tracks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, you indicate in your book you made a bargain with God. Did that occur at the end of that first weekend or the second weekend?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>The second weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, explain to our listeners what the bargain \/ kind of what the contract looked like between you and God at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>I realized that I\u2019d drifted away, and I realized that He was calling me back. I felt like He was calling us to use our story. I thought: \u201cOkay, God, I\u2019m willing to\u2014I\u2019m willing to show up, but You\u2019re going to have to do all of the other work. You\u2019re going to have to figure this out. But you know what?\u00a0 I will help You out, if You need me.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Chris, were you having any of this spiritual awakening that Michelle\u2019s talking about in your life?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>Well, I think this is where God had been preparing for a long time because the entrepreneurial side of what I\u2019d been doing since I quit practicing law was starting and working with small businesses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Michelle started proposing the idea that we both had, but she probably put it into words that I could see that: \u201cWow, there is some potential here for a ministry. I got to work\u201d; you know?\u00a0 I\u2019m like: \u201cIf we\u2019re going to do this, then, how would we do that?\u201d and \u201cWhat would it look like?\u201d That energized me\u2014an idea that we could change this path for our kids. This is one thing I would tell parents: \u201cIt\u2019s never too late to get started on parenting,\u201d because our kids were way down the road when we made an abrupt 180 turn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad you said that because, a number of years ago, we did a parenting conference\u2014we\u2019re about to do somethings with that conference for our listeners and for people in churches across the country that we\u2019ll be talking about in the future\u2014but when we did that conference, parents who were raising teenagers didn\u2019t seem to want to come because, from my vantage point and interacting with some of those who chose not to come, they felt like the deal was over by the time they were in adolescence\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that two or three more years of attempting something wouldn\u2019t make all that much difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I\u2019m glad you made that point because it is never too late to do what\u2019s right. It\u2019s never too late to call your kids back to Jesus Christ and to the Scriptures. In fact, you can lead them in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what\u2014they\u2019re craving that. If they haven\u2019t had that\u2014like ours hadn\u2019t\u2014the idea that you can be relationally bonded with them\u2014that you care what they think \/ that you want to know them\u2014not just know about them\u2014but know them is\u2014that\u2019s built into us. I mean, it\u2019s not something that you can give up on. I think the joy that we got from connecting with our kids, maybe, for the first time is <em>so<\/em> <em>profound<\/em> that I want that for other parents. That\u2019s one of the reasons for <em>Parenting by Design<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, Bob graduated May of 2004, and then, lived happily ever after\u2014after that point; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong><em>Wrong!<\/em>\u00a0 And that\u2019s the part\u2014oh, gosh, Dennis\u2014you know, his junior year was spent in rehab in Colorado. He came back for his senior year\u2014went to high school in Fort Worth \/ finished his senior year\u2014went to college the next year \/ chose Boulder, Colorado, which has a reputation for being a little wilder. After two weeks, he said: \u201cDad, I can\u2019t stay here. I can smell marijuana coming under my door every night.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, he\u2014we said\u2014at this point, we\u2019re practicing <em>Parenting by Design<\/em> principles all the way. We said: \u201cGreat!\u00a0 What are you going to do?\u00a0 Can you work it out?\u201d\u00a0 And so, he got with friends and schools and transferred to Austin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Not a lot better than\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was just going to say\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Okay, so, we\u2019re in the remedial group. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s a conservative bastion; right?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Boulder might have been a stretch in the first place; but when he says, \u201cI\u2019m going to Austin,\u201d it\u2019s kind of like, \u201cCan\u2019t we pick another city; huh?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>They at least have churches in the city. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s true. But it sounds like he stayed clean\/sober for the two-and-a-half years from the end of the treatment until he\u2019s down at Austin; is that right\u2014as far as you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>I think, for the most part, he was\u2014until college. Then, he joined a fraternity in Austin. During a pledge-ship event, he broke his wrist. In the emergency room, they gave him\u2014well, in his case\u2014Vicodin<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He said: \u201cI took two of those per the instructions, and I <em>liked<\/em> it. I <em>really<\/em> liked it.\u201d\u00a0 That started him back on the track, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He started stealing again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>He\u2014well, he\u2014yes. He\u2014it got pretty bad because, once you cross the line into opiates, it\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s expensive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s expensive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You said that you had\u2014by this time, you were starting to practice what you referred to as <em>Parenting by Design<\/em> principles. We want to spend some time kind of getting into what those principles are and how things got reoriented for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think it\u2019s important to say that, more than the principles, your son\u2019s experience in rehab and what happened out of there\u2014there was a spiritual course correction for both of you so that, by the time there was a relapse, you were in a different place, spiritually; weren\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you bring that up because it started with us really having to come before God and be willing to look at <em>what<\/em> gives us value and worth: \u201cWhere is our identity?\u201d I don\u2019t know that I ever had really been willing to look really deep into: \u201cWhat are those foundational things that happened throughout my life that had been a filter for what I was really believing gave me value and worth?\u201d It was kind of painful, frankly; because I realized how much of the messages that I\u2019d received, growing up, and that I\u2019d bought into were leaking through in ways that I didn\u2019t even understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, then, I was passing those messages on to my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re right\u2014it started to change our whole orientation. So, we were in a different place when this relapse happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Chris, describe how you would say life changed for you from the time Bob graduated from rehab to his relapse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>I think it was my focus, as Michelle describes. Without really knowing it, I was focused on satisfying this cultural norm. I looked at success from the cultural, secular perspective\u2014oh, I spiritualized it and added Christian terms to it\u2014but I was looking at life that way and I was parenting that way. I threw money at problems; or I\u2019d set out: \u201cHere\u2019s what I need you to do\u2014these five things\u2014and you\u2019ve got to do them in order and you\u2019ve got to do them exactly right; and then, we\u2019ll be okay\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe\u2019ll check those boxes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And the difference for me, I think, was when we started exploring how God parents us. We learned, first, how to be a better child of God; and then, we were able to turn to our kids and say, \u201cWe\u2019re going to parent them the way we have, now, been learning that God parents us.\u201d\u00a0 It was <em>remarkably<\/em> different. Suddenly, we could have conversations with our kids. Suddenly, I <em>cared<\/em> what they were thinking \/ what they were feeling. I wanted to hear the hard stuff. I didn\u2019t want to avoid it\u2014you know?\u2014and paper over it. It was a sea change\u2014it was remarkable!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What a lot of people don\u2019t know is that 80 percent of all people who go through rehab relapse. You gave Bob the choice that I found, frankly, was very wise and probably saved him from going through rehab multiple times in his life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tExplain what that was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>Well, when the problem cropped up\u2014when we discovered that he was addicted to opiates and heroine, in particular\u2014which is just <em>terrifying<\/em> for a parent \/ the idea that to even say the word is just kind of scary\u2014but when that happened, we realized that we were at the crux of his life. It could go two ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so tearfully\/prayerfully, we posed the two options to him: \u201cYou can keep pursuing that life. If you do, we\u2019re calling the police; and we\u2019re going to have you prosecuted,\u201d\u2014because, by that point, money was missing. It was at a felony level, and he was going to be gone for a while\u2014or \u201cYou can go to a rehab that\u2019s not the nicest place in the world, and it\u2019s a long-term thing. These are your options. It\u2019s rehab or prison.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the rehab that you gave him the option of going to was one where he had to work 48 hours a week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>Yes. It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Not a free ride. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>\u2014it was not a free ride. We paid $175 for 18 months of treatment there. The rest of the money came from Bob\u2019s sweat. They would\u2014after the first 30 days of orientation, they would line them out in manual labor jobs. He happened to work mostly in a furniture factory\u2014just toting pieces of furniture back and forth for 48 hours a week\u2014every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And so, how is Bob today?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris: <\/strong>He\u2019s doing well, and he\u2019s battling against addiction every day. He has found that the best way to do that is community\u2014that addiction has a way of turning your brain off in a way that you don\u2019t think very clearly, and choices become much more difficult \/ good choices. And so, he\u2019s now engaged, heavily, in a community of people who will help him when he finds himself in trouble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s all up to him, at this point\u2014that when he feels the addictive urge, he calls a sponsor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Michelle: <\/strong>He told me that in the same way, if his walk with God\u2014he compromised it bit by bit\u2014and he said, \u201cIf I had been in the same place, that would not have allowed that to go so far.\u201d\u00a0 I think the take-away for him is just realizing his very life depends on his walk with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; no doubt about it. And ours does, too, whether we realize it or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014whether we realize it or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what I\u2019d say to the parents, who have been listening to the broadcast today\u2014there are really two applications\u2014one, it\u2019s never too late to do what\u2019s right and to intercept your child and to call them back to Christ and to the Scriptures; and secondly, in the process, you need to take an inventory of your life and make sure you are in the right fight and you\u2019re not bowing to an idol. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I think the point that you guys are making about community is important, too\u2014not just for parents who have kids that are facing serious challenges like your son was facing\u2014but all of us need community. We were made for community. It\u2019s how we\u2019re designed to live and how we are to live out our lives as followers of Jesus\u2014in community with other believers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just thinking of how helpful it would be for a lot of parents if they would regularly get together with four or five other couples\u2014who are at the same stage of life, with kids the same age\u2014and start off by going through together the book that you guys have written: <em>Parenting by Design: Discovering God\u2019s Original Design for Your Family<\/em>. That\u2019s just a great place to start\u2014take a chapter every time you get together and talk about that chapter. I think you\u2019ll find it brings hope and it brings help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of the book, <em>Parenting by Design<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Get your copy of the book, <em>Parenting by Design<\/em>, by Chris and Michelle Groff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I talk about how getting together with other parents can bring you both help and hope\u2014that\u2019s what we\u2019re committed to, here at FamilyLife. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and for your family\u2014on this daily program, on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, at our events, through our resources. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve been about the same thing for 40 years now. This year is our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary. As we\u2019ve been saying all year, it\u2019s really not our anniversary that we want to draw attention to and focus on\u2014it\u2019s <em>your<\/em> anniversary because we\u2019re the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we have some friends, who live in Pennsylvania, who are celebrating their eighth anniversary today\u2014Matt Merrit and Denise Chaborlain celebrating eight years together as husband and wife. Glad to have you guys as listeners. And I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014they\u2019ve been to five <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways. So, they\u2019re staying focused on the right stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd quickly, we need to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make all that we do, here at FamilyLife, possible\u2014and have done that for 40 years. We are listener-supported. So, the funds needed to make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> happen are funds that you provide when you make a donation or when you join us as a Legacy Partner. Of course, this month, we are hoping to add 20 new Legacy Partners in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard. How about you?\u00a0 Could you be one of the families to join us and become a new Legacy Partner in your community?\u2014help keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on the air? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cDONATE,\u201d to find out how to become a Legacy Partner; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and say, \u201cI\u2019m interested in giving monthly and becoming a Legacy Partner.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll get you set up over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue to talk with Chris and Michelle Groff about the lessons that they learned in the midst of some challenges they faced as they were raising their teenage boys. I hope you can be back with us tomorrow for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303884","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303884"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303884"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303884"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303884"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}