{"id":303874,"date":"2016-02-16T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-02-16T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/leaning-on-god\/"},"modified":"2016-02-16T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-02-16T17:00:00","slug":"leaning-on-god","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/leaning-on-god\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaning on God"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Marriage isn&#8217;t for sissies. Each couple will face their fair share of challenges and will need to rely on God to see them through. Barbara Rainey, founder of Ever Thine Home\u00ae, recalls her early years as Dennis&#8217;s bride and her first year as a mom, which tested her faith and drove her to lean on God even more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey recalls her early years as Dennis&#8217;s bride and her first year as a mom, which tested her faith and drove her to lean on God even more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-02-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.67M","filesize_raw":"29009341","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2838],"tags":[4836,5958,4192,5959],"podcast_series":[7218],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303874","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-mothers","tag-married","tag-newly-wed","tag-newlywed","tag-what-marriage-is-all-about","podcast_series-letters-to-my-daughters","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303874\/leaning-on-god","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303874\/leaning-on-god","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ixPh9gFz4d\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/leaning-on-god\/\">Leaning on God<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/leaning-on-god\/embed\/#?secret=ixPh9gFz4d\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Leaning on God&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ixPh9gFz4d\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Barbara Rainey recalls her early years as Dennis's bride and her first year as a mom, which tested her faith and drove her to lean on God even more.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-02-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara Rainey says there\u2019s a lesson that every couple needs to learn really early in their marriage. The lesson is this: \u201cYou can\u2019t do this on your own.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>The bottom line is going to be the same for the rest of your life; and that is, when God brings you to a place that you realize you cannot do this thing called marriage, you can\u2019t do this thing called mothering, you can\u2019t even do the Christian life on your own\u2014that you come to Him and you say: \u201cI give up. I surrender\u2014Your will, not mine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll find out today just how important it is to have a spiritual foundation poured in your marriage if you\u2019re going to try to build a home on top of it. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m curious\u2014did you think, when you and Barbara, in the summer of 1972\u2014I guess September of \u201972 \/ late summer; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s when the two of you stood and faced one another and said your vows.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was still summer in Houston.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you think, \u201cThis is going to be a breeze,\u201d or did you think, \u201cI know there will be some challenges\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just didn\u2019t think. [Laughter] Honestly! I was in love. I was committed. I was ready to get on with life with my new bride and my new love. Honestly, I didn\u2019t do a lot of cost-counting; but I did make a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We heard your wife laugh as you said, \u201cI wasn\u2019t really thinking.\u201d Barbara, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were you thinking, Barbara?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Not much more than you were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But were you confident?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, I really was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you start marriage, thinking, \u201cI can do this\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; I really did because I had grown up in a good home. My parents were not divorced. I had seen them work out their marriage and\u2014though there were things I wanted to do differently\u2014I felt like I could do this. Added to that, I was doubly confident because I was a Christian and my husband was. We were not just pew-warmers \/ we were committed Christ followers. I thought: \u201cThis is guaranteed to work because we\u2019ve got the right ingredients: We love each other. We love the Lord. We are going to do this the right way. We\u2019re going to follow the instructions in the Bible\u2014A+B=C. It\u2019s going to work out great!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The reason we\u2019re exploring this is because you\u2019ve been spending a lot of time, recently, working on editing a series of letters\u2014actually, emails that grew into letters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Letters that you\u2019ve written over the years to your daughters and your daughters-in-law, where you\u2019ve just offered counsel from your own life and experience about getting married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. I started writing this series of letters the summer that both of our sons got married. It wasn\u2019t so much that I wanted to teach them\u2014and I was invited to do so by the way\u2014I didn\u2019t do this without an invitation. It was that I wanted to encourage them by sharing some of the stories of things that I had learned so that they would know that: \u201cOh, it\u2019s normal to have disagreements. Oh, it\u2019s normal for this to happen or that to happen,\u201d so that they would understand the long view of marriage and the big picture of marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things that had occurred in our marriage that I think really pointed out the importance of perhaps Barbara doing this\u2014early in our marriage, she had kind of run into the differences between us and how that was impacting her. Someone told us\u2014and I don\u2019t remember who\u2014but said, \u201cYou really ought to go spend some time with an older woman who has experienced more of life and been around the barn a few more times than you have.\u201d Just to spend some time and to know that what you\u2019re going through is normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think couples start out their marriage together and they get isolated. They don\u2019t realize that what they\u2019re going through is what everybody else is dealing with. But if they have someone who is seasoned \/ who\u2019s authentic\u2014and not going to create some kind of pie-in-the-sky approach that\u2019s: \u201cA+B=C, and you\u2019re going to have all your problems solved by sundown tonight,\u201d\u2014if you\u2019ve got somebody who\u2019s real and helps you understand that it takes a lifetime to work out this thing called marriage. That\u2019s what really fueled Barbara in writing our daughters and our daughters-in-law to be able to enter in to these first months and years of their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara, one of the issues you felt like you needed to mentor your daughters and daughters-in-law in was this issue that we talked about\u2014your confidence that you could be the wife and mom that God called you to be\u2014that, at some point along the way, you kind of woke up and went, \u201cThis is harder than I thought it was going to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. I think that realization was an on-going realization. What I\u2019ve realized, as I look back over my life, is that, along the way\u2014from those early months of our marriage all the way up until the present\u2014God has been saying to me, over and over again, \u201cYou can\u2019t do this on your own.\u201d Now, my initial response is, \u201cOh, yes; I can.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Because I\u2019ve got\u2014especially in the early years\u2014a lot of motivation, a lot of energy, a lot of enthusiasm\u2014to really do a good job being a wife. Most young women start out that way \/ most new brides start out that way. We\u2019re highly motivated, highly teachable, energetic, ready to go and be the best we can be; but God knows that, if we really are able to produce on our own, then our confidence is in our self and not in Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this section of the book, I tell lots of stories of how God took me places where I realized I could not do it on my own; and I could not garner up enough strength on my own to see the situation through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The book you\u2019re talking about, of course, is called, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. It\u2019s your brand-new book. The subtitle is <em>The Art of Being a Wife\u2014<\/em>Barbara Rainey is showing us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara, you started marriage as a committed follower of Christ. You were involved in ministry, but there were cracks in your spiritual foundation that started to show up under the pressure of marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; they did. I first felt it most dramatically after our first child was born. We had moved for probably the fourth or fifth time\u2014I can\u2019t remember. We\u2019d moved a bunch in those first two-and-a-half years of marriage. I remember one day just feeling really overwhelmed with these jobs I had. I was a wife, and I was a mother\u2014and it was 24\/7. Our new little baby didn\u2019t come with an instruction manual, and I didn\u2019t know what I was doing. We lived in California, and my mother was in Texas. It\u2019s not like I could call her every day, or I could go visit her, or she could come over in the afternoon and babysit so I could take a nap. I mean, I was really very, very lonely. I was very isolated, and I was very bewildered as to how to make this thing work: \u201cHow do I do this wifing and mothering thing without any instructions?\u201d I really remember feeling a sense of real <em>aloneness<\/em> in that season of my life. I tell a story in the book\u2014would you like to hear it?\u2014about how I ran away?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You ran away?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I ran away. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t far\u2014but she did run away. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; it <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> far\u2014No; it wasn\u2019t far\u2014but I had this\u2014it really is what it was though. I wouldn\u2019t have even said so at the time but, looking back on it, it really is a good expression of what I was feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went\u2014out of just sheer frustration\u2014I wasn\u2019t really angry \/ I was just bewildered. I left Ashley sleeping in the crib or, maybe, she was in the infant seat or something in the living room. I don\u2019t even know what Dennis was doing, but all I remember is that I went into the bathroom in our bedroom \/ our master bathroom and shut and locked the door. It was a teensy little master bathroom\u2014it had a tub, and a toilet, with a little tiny counter with a sink in the middle. I sat on the toilet. Then I got uncomfortable, and I sat on the side of the tub. Then that got uncomfortable, and so I sat on the toilet again. The walls started to kind of close in on me and I thought, \u201cOh, now what do I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just absolutely <em>lost<\/em> because I didn\u2019t know how to\u2014I just didn\u2019t know how to do this thing. Finally, I came out. Thankfully my husband, in his love for me, did not go: \u201cWhat an idiot you were! What were you thinking?\u201d\u2014you know, going in the bathroom and locking the door\u2014\u201cWhat was the point of that?\u201d He didn\u2019t belittle me \/ he didn\u2019t make fun of me. He didn\u2019t criticize me. He, I\u2019m sure, gave me a hug; and we sat down and talked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what it was all about\u2014I can\u2019t even begin to tell you. What he said to me\u2014I don\u2019t remember\u2014but I remember the emotion of the moment\u2014that I was lost. I didn\u2019t know how to do this thing called marriage, I didn\u2019t know how to do this thing called mothering, and I didn\u2019t know where to go for help. That was the first real sort of moment of awakening\u2014when I realized this was all bigger than I could handle, and I needed something outside of myself to make it work. It was God\u2019s bringing me to this place of going, \u201cYou can\u2019t do this on your own.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think, as a husband\u2014truthfully, I think I was clueless that she didn\u2019t feel that confidence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, of course, you were! How could you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This was an internal battle she was fighting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, when she did come out of the bathroom, I don\u2019t think I had realized that she had actually locked herself in there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; I\u2019m sure you didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and had kind of run away from her responsibilities for a few minutes. I don\u2019t think you were in there\u2014probably, an hour\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; not more than an hour.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but the point is\u2014as a husband, at that point \/ however imperfectly you may love\u2014but just allow your wife to express the inability and to express her need for something to change \/ something to be different for her to move forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think marriage is an opportunity for us to finish the process of growing up. In fact, I think it was Erma Bombeck who used to say, \u201cMarriage is the last chance God gives us to grow up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s one of the tools God uses in our lives to take us to the end of ourselves\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014where He kind of puts an exclamation point at the end of the sentence that says: \u201cYou need Me! Signed, God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But Barbara, you were a Christian\u2014you studied the Scriptures, you were in church, you were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes! That\u2019s what I thought! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what was missing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think what was missing was an experiential understanding of my need for Christ. Yes, I knew I needed Christ when I received Him. Yes, I knew\u2014had you asked me, an hour before I went into the bathroom and locked the door, \u201cDo you need Christ?\u201d\u2014I would have said, \u201cOf course!\u201d But it was <em>knowledge<\/em> more than it was heart experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod loved me enough that He wanted me to <em>feel<\/em> my need for Him\u2014for me to <em>experience<\/em> that I could not do this on my own. I think God loves us enough that He wants to take it from merely head knowledge to heart knowledge. It was the process that God was beginning to work in my life, where He was showing me: \u201cNo, you can\u2019t do this on your own. Your knowledge of Me is not enough. You need to experience a need for the Holy Spirit to control your life\u2014not just know it in your head that, \u2018Yes, that\u2019s the way you\u2019re supposed to do it,\u2019\u2014but you need to be aware of your need for Me so you will, in fact, depend on Me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so, you\u2019re aware of your need. Now, you\u2019re going to do something different than you were doing. What\u2019s that different thing? How does somebody come out of the bathroom and say: \u201cOkay; I realize I need to rely on God, I need the Holy Spirit to work in my life; but what can I do to make that happen? How do I walk in the power of the Holy Spirit?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> For me, it was very much an on-going process. It was a growth that happened over decades. But, in that moment, as much as I knew how, in that day of my life, I said: \u201cFather, I want to trust You more. I want to be filled with the Spirit. I want You to control my life. I want You to give me the power and the strength to live the way that You want me to live\u2014to do this thing called marriage that You\u2019ve designed. This was Your idea in the first place; so therefore, You know how to make a marriage work. I want to depend on You more than I have in the past.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe that I did; but then there came another point, on down the road, where God said: \u201cOkay; now, you need to step it up a notch. You need to trust Me some more,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was trusting myself again too much. There was another lesson; and then, a few years later, another one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that, just as our children grow up, incrementally, through the years\u2014they don\u2019t go from being a baby to being 18 overnight. Physical growth is a slow process. There are all kinds of little things going on in their bodies, as they grow up, that we can\u2019t even see. It does take a long time for an infant to become an adult. I think the journey is similar in our spiritual growth. We start out as spiritual infants. God gently and slowly works in our lives and our circumstances so that we become mature adults, spiritually, and don\u2019t remain infants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the areas where you had to learn to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit in your own life was when you decided you wanted to do a make-over project on your husband; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughing] Yes, I did that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was <em>Extreme Makeover<\/em>. Is that what you were\u2014back before it was on TV\u2014you were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It felt that way! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes, it probably did. What is so sad about this story is that I really thought I was doing the right thing! I was a Christian and I thought: \u201cOkay; if there are some problems\u201d\u2014and there were\u2014\u201cif there are some things that I think are not right in our relationship\u201d\u2014and there were those things that I thought weren\u2019t right\u2014\u201cWhat are you supposed to do about it? You\u2019re supposed to pray about it; aren\u2019t you? Yes, that makes sense.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI made this list\u2014I began to make a list of all the things that I thought were not right\u2014primarily were not right about him \/ not so much things that weren\u2019t right about me\u2014because I really didn\u2019t think there were that many things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was a small list \/ little, tiny list. So you\u2019re setting off to try to fix\u2014what kinds of things were you trying to fix?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s what\u2019s sad\u2014I can\u2019t even remember what they were\u2014but I\u2019m quite sure it was all personality related because, as Dennis said earlier\u2014he would get an idea, and [snapsfingers] process it that fast, and he\u2019d be off and running. He didn\u2019t think things through thoroughly like I did. He was much more spontaneous and spur of the moment. I\u2019m sure it was related to these personality differences that I saw, early on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI made this list, and I thought that the right thing to do was to pray about all the stuff that needed to be changed in his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was a long list too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well\u2014[Laughing]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t really that long. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is there something wrong with a wife identifying: \u201cThese are areas that I think God needs to be at work in my husband\u2019s life, and I\u2019m going to pray about God doing that work\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; I think it\u2019s probably not a real good approach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Really; because what happened to me is\u2014I had this list of 10 or 12 things. I prayed about them every day. What happened was\u2014I thought about them all day after I repeated them to God in the morning. I would say: \u201cOkay, God. Here are the things I think You need to work on in his life.\u201d It was as if they were written in neon block letters on his back. Every time I saw him, I saw what was wrong because I was reminding myself, every day\u2014\u2014before God, of course\u2014but nonetheless, I was reminding myself every day of what I didn\u2019t like and what I thought needed to be fixed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI decided\u2014after doing this for a couple of weeks\u2014I thought: \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t like the way this <em>feels<\/em>. This is not really a fun way to approach God.\u201d It\u2019s not fun\u2014the results in my marriage\u2014I just didn\u2019t like the fact that I was <em>constantly<\/em> seeing all these things that I didn\u2019t like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [To Dennis] Did you have any idea there was neon on your back?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think I did know about the list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do, and I think I definitely felt it when she threw the list away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That doesn\u2019t surprise me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014because I felt it when I threw the list away too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, all of a sudden, I\u2019ve got my friend back instead of my judge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What prompted you to throw the list away?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I just began to realize that this wasn\u2019t fun. I didn\u2019t like focusing on everything that I thought was wrong with him. I thought: \u201cYou know, I didn\u2019t used to feel this way. I used to like all these things about him, and now I don\u2019t.\u201d It wasn\u2019t this great revelation\u2014I just thought: \u201cYou know\u2014this isn\u2019t fun. I don\u2019t like the way this makes me feel. I don\u2019t like the flavor in our relationship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told God specifically one day\u2014and I remember saying this\u2014I said: \u201cGod, if You want to change these things in his life, it is Your business. I am not going to ask You about this anymore because I don\u2019t like what this is doing to our relationship. If You never change him, that is fine with me. It\u2019s Your business, not mine. I\u2019m going to move forward and not pray about all these things that I think need to be corrected anymore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tore up the list, and I literally threw it away. Within days, I wasn\u2019t thinking about all that stuff anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It was a great relief.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s a common thread here\u2014to what she\u2019s talking about\u2014that I want Barbara to comment because this has been a theme of her life. You\u2019re talking about, first of all, coming to the end of yourself, not once, but on multiple occasions, where you realize you couldn\u2019t do this thing called \u201cbeing a wife\u201d \/ you couldn\u2019t do this thing called \u201cbeing a mom\u201d\u2014and you couldn\u2019t change your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not <em>you<\/em> that\u2019s going to do any of this. You came to the conclusion that it had to be Christ in you and you yielded to Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What would you say to a wife, who\u2019s listening, who\u2019s going: \u201cGot me!\u00a0 I\u2019m raising my hands, saying, \u2018That\u2019s me you\u2019re describing\u2019\u201d? What\u2019s the hope? What\u2019s the solution?\u2014not in terms of a formula\u2014but what does she need to begin to practice?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think the bottom line is going to be the same for the rest of your life; that is\u2014when God brings you to a place that you realize you cannot do this thing called marriage, you can\u2019t do this thing called mothering, you can\u2019t even do the Christian life on your own\u2014that you come to Him and you say: \u201cI give up. I surrender. I need You. Will You empower me? Will you fill me with Your Spirit? Will You lead me?\u201d because it really is coming to a point of giving up because what I was doing, when I was praying for you, is\u2014I was trying to take over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was trying to tell God what I thought He needed to do in your life. I realized that I needed to give up. I need to let God do what He wanted to do, in His timetable. I basically\u2014in essence, by saying, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do this anymore,\u2019\u2014I surrendered and I said, \u201cYour will, not mine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, just about every time I speak at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway\u2014first night, I\u2019ll say, \u201cIf you brought your spouse here, hoping that together we could get her fixed or get him changed, I have bad news for you.\u201d [Laughter] I say, \u201cI\u2019m not even going to be talking to your spouse this weekend. The only person I came here to talk to is you.\u201d I think sometimes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014rather than focusing on, \u201cGod change this other person,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014our prayers need to be redirected: \u201cLord, change me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I had to chuckle, Barbara, because, at the end of this \u201cNote to Your Daughters,\u201d as you shared this story\u2014you said, \u201cMore stories about my failures to come. [Barbara laughing] Love you, Mom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, this collection of letters that you\u2019ve written to you daughters are lessons you\u2019ve learned\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014some of them through not doing it right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Oh, lots of them learned through not doing it right because I think that\u2019s when God gets our attention. When we\u2019re sailing along, and everything\u2019s smooth, that\u2019s when we don\u2019t think we need God; but when we realize we can\u2019t do it, and we\u2019re making mistakes, then we go, \u201cOkay; then maybe\u2014maybe I need some help\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand God needs to be my help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand Jesus is that help.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If the story of Easter is true\u2014and it is \/ Christ is alive from the dead\u2014then He can make this claim\u2014He said in John 15, \u201cI am the true vine.\u201d Later on, in the same passage, He says, \u201cAs a branch cannot bear fruit by itself,\u201d\u2014does that sound familiar?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cYou can\u2019t do it on your own!\u201d\u2014\u201cAs a branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is who bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.\u201d If you\u2019ve come to the end of yourself, it\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> <em>thing<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It is\u2014and that\u2019s what God was trying to show me through this story and many, many other circumstances in my life. He was saying: \u201cApart from Me you can do nothing. Do you get it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>And I said, \u201cYes!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I think life is one long process of Him saying, \u201cDo you get it yet?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cDo you get it now?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And one long process of surrender because we keep doing it, as you said, over and over again. I think, in addition to the surrender then, there needs to be godly counsel that helps point us in the right direction\u2014to help us correct the patterns that are the patterns of the flesh that are with us and point us to new habits, that are spiritually-informed and spiritually-motivated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara, I think you are helping to provide the wise counsel for a lot of wives in what you\u2019ve shared today and what you\u2019ve written in your brand-new book, <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. We\u2019ve got the book in our <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> Resource Center. It\u2019s brand-new\u2014just now out in stores. We\u2019d love for you to have a copy. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Ask about the book, <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em> by Barbara Rainey when you get in touch with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to say a quick, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d and \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d to our friends, David and Diana Aguilar, who live in Union, Missouri. Today is their 29<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. The Aguilars listen to KSIV, out of St. Louis. They\u2019ve been married since 1987. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are the \u201cProud Sponsor of Anniversaries,\u201d here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. We\u2019re celebrating our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary this year; but honestly, it\u2019s not our anniversary that matters\u2014it\u2019s all of the anniversaries that have happened because of how God has used <em>FamilyLife<\/em> in the lives of so many couples over the last 40 years. It\u2019s been humbling to be a part of that whole process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you help support this ministry, as a Legacy Partner or as somebody who gives an occasional donation, you\u2019ve been a part of the process as well. Your support is what makes <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. We could not exist and could not do what we do if it weren\u2019t for friends, like you, who help make this happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we are praying and asking God that He would raise up 20 new families in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard to be new Legacy Partners, joining with us here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. Would you consider being one of those new Legacy Partner families? All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click where it says, \u201cDONATE.\u201d The information about becoming a Legacy Partner is available there. Or call: 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d; and say, \u201cI\u2019m interested in becoming a Legacy Partner.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue talking about a wife\u2019s responsibility in her marriage. We\u2019ll talk tomorrow about what happens when a woman wants to be a helper but it starts to go bad\u2014and it can do that. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. Hope you can be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303874","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303874"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303874"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303874"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303874"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303874"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303874"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303874"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}