{"id":303872,"date":"2016-02-15T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-02-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/embracing-the-differences\/"},"modified":"2016-02-15T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-02-15T17:00:00","slug":"embracing-the-differences","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/embracing-the-differences\/","title":{"rendered":"Embracing the Differences"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A couple&#8217;s differences can either bring them together or pull them apart. Barbara Rainey, author of the book &#8220;Letters to My Daughters,&#8221; explains how a series of letters to her daughters-in-law and newly married daughter evolved into a book on marriage. Barbara reminisces about her own newlywed days and the challenges of merging two vastly different worlds.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey, author of the book &#8220;Letters to My Daughters,&#8221; explains how a series of letters to her daughters-in-law and newly married daughter evolved into a book on marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-02-15.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.51M","filesize_raw":"28841798","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2838],"tags":[4836,5958,4192,5959],"podcast_series":[7218],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303872","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-mothers","tag-married","tag-newly-wed","tag-newlywed","tag-what-marriage-is-all-about","podcast_series-letters-to-my-daughters","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303872\/embracing-the-differences","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303872\/embracing-the-differences","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"QAcUzrZOFu\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/embracing-the-differences\/\">Embracing the Differences<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/embracing-the-differences\/embed\/#?secret=QAcUzrZOFu\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Embracing the Differences&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"QAcUzrZOFu\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Barbara Rainey, author of the book \"Letters to My Daughters,\" explains how a series of letters to her daughters-in-law and newly married daughter evolved into a book on marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-02-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Engagedcouples often look at one another and think, \u201cWe\u2019re so much alike!\u201d Then, after they have been married for a little while, they look at each other and think, \u201cWho are you?!\u201d Here\u2019s Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>What happens when we\u2019re engaged\u2014we tend to think: \u201cOh, we\u2019re so much alike. We love each other so much\u2014we\u2019ll never have clashes.\u201d I think one of the first difficulties for most young couples is they\u2019re caught off guard by these differences. They don\u2019t know what to do with them\u2014they go from being cute and attractive to being downright ugly or frustrating. All of a sudden, what was cute isn\u2019t so cute anymore; and you think, \u201cNow what do I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So what advice would you give to young wives and their husbands about the adjustments we make in marriage? We\u2019re going to hear what Barbara Rainey has to say about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I am really enjoying learning lots of new things about you, Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re eavesdropping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s legitimate eavesdropping because of what your wife\u2019s been writing about. This has been so much fun to read. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think I want to welcome her to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Sweetheart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Maybe we don\u2019t; huh? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is my bride, and she has plenty of stories to tell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And she has just recently\u2014by the way, welcome, Barbara\u2014nice to have you here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve been collecting these stories, not to share with the world your stories, but really to mentor\u2014you\u2019ve become an e-mentor; haven\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. I\u2019m really writing this for six women \/ six young women, who happen to be my four daughters and two daughters-in-law\u2014to share with them the lessons that I\u2019ve learned over all these years of marriage in hopes that it will encourage them, and give them hope, and help them\u2014help them persevere for the long haul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But it actually started\u2014back to Bob\u2019s point about\u2014from an e-mentoring standpoint\u2014really started on the internet\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>It did. That\u2019s right; I had forgotten.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014as you were writing emails to your daughters and daughters-in-law so that you\u2019d be able to coach them \/ encourage them in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you start doing this right after Ashley got married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; actually, it was after our two boys got married. They got married the same summer\u2014the summer of 2001. One of those two girls asked me if I would give her some advice on being a wife. I thought: \u201cWow! She really wants my advice?\u201d I thought, \u201cIf she cracked the door open a little bit, I\u2019m going to just walk right on through while the door\u2019s open!\u201d I said, \u201cSure, I\u2019d love to!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began writing a series of letters in the fall of 2001 to my two brand-new daughters-in-law and to my daughter, Ashley, who, by then, had been married four years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A lot of\u2014a wife will hear you say that and they\u2019ll think, \u201c\u201cBoy, if somebody asked me, I wouldn\u2019t know where to start or what to say.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it sounds like you were ready to dive right in with wisdom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t know that I would say it that way, but I was ready to dive in\u2014in the sense that I felt like, \u201cNow was the time,\u201d because all new brides are <em>extremely<\/em> teachable\u2014they\u2019re eager, they want to learn, they want to do it right, they don\u2019t want to make mistakes\u2014they really <em>love<\/em> this guy they just married. They\u2019re most teachable and most coachable in those early years. I wanted to begin by sort of exploiting that\u2014in a sense, in a good way\u2014by saying: \u201cHere are some things that I learned \/ here are some lessons I learned along the way. Here are some stories of what we went through \/ what I\u2019ve learned from it. Perhaps, it will be helpful.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Over the years, we\u2019ve\u2014who knows how many hundreds of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways have been held by <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014we\u2019ve looked into the eyes of those in attendance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt does seem that the engaged couples and the newly-marrieds are, not only on a steep learning curve, but they\u2019re much more teachable and kind of <em>spongy<\/em> in terms of soaking in the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we wanted to do\u2014and what I encouraged Barbara to do with this book\u2014is take advantage of a window into the soul to speak a lot of relevant truth that she\u2019s learned, as a woman from the Scriptures and from other older women who have coached her, and really help these young wives get started on the right trajectory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They didn\u2019t ask you about a specific subject. They just said, \u201cHelp me be a wife.\u201d How did you know, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ll start here\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, what I did is\u2014I just thought back to those early days in our marriage and tried to remember: \u201cWhat were the lessons that I learned? What did I do right? What did I do wrong?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like that early romantic date that Dennis took you on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, like that one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell our listeners about\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>You like this; don\u2019t you? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014how \u201c\u201cPrince Charming\u201d swept you off your feet. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. While we were dating in the summer of 1972, which was of course in the dark ages\u2014one Saturday \/ it was probably on a Friday afternoon Dennis asked if I wanted to hang out on Saturday afternoon. I said, \u201cSure.\u201d He picked me up in his\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, let me interrupt you just so we get a context.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys had been friends for years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014since college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [To Barbara] After college, you went to the east coast and worked with Campus Crusade.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> University of South Carolina.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [To Dennis] Where did you go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was in Dallas\/Ft. Worth area, working with high school kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You kept up your friendship\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014but there was nothing romantic between the two of you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No, nothing romantic. We had been <em>really<\/em> <em>good<\/em> friends for three years. I really thought of Dennis as a brother\u2014he was just a great, great friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She showed up in Dallas and needed to be shown around\u2014kind of where everything was \/ kind of how you get around\u2014so I\u2019d pick her up, take her to work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, were you thinking of her like your sister at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, I really was. It was not romantic\u2014it really wasn\u2019t\u2014which is really a cheap shot on your part\u2014[Laughter]\u2014to call out this thing that I took her on as a romantic date because we were just hanging out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s right\u2014we were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was this before\u2014this date we\u2019re about to talk about\u2014was this before or after you had tried to hold hands with her in the parking lot?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Way before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I have no idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Way before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I would think so\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes; oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I would guess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s just friends: \u201cHey, do you want to hang out tomorrow?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. I\u2019d take her back to her apartment, and we\u2019d kind of sit on the stairs and talk\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Just visit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014until about 2:00 in the morning\u2014[Laughter]\u2014just like a couple of friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. [Dennis laughing]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. So he says, \u201cDo you want to hang out tomorrow?\u201d and he comes and picks you up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> He did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you know where you were going?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>You know, I don\u2019t remember\u2014it was too long ago. I don\u2019t remember if I knew or not, but I knew it was casual. I knew we were going to go on a picnic. He took me to some remote place outside of Dallas\/Ft. Worth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now wait. I\u2019ve got to stop you here. You\u2019re taking her on a picnic. You\u2019re not taking your buddy\u2014\u201cLet\u2019s go hang out,\u201d\u2014 on a picnic. There\u2019s more going on here in your mind [Barbara laughing] than just, \u201cLet\u2019s hang out together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She needed to understand where the riverbanks were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Alright. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Like I really care!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We understand one another here; okay. So he picks you up? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. We take off to parts unknown because I\u2019d never really been in Texas in my life. I didn\u2019t know where we were going, but I trusted him. We show up at this stream, or river, or pool of water, or something\u2014I don\u2019t know where it was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know where it was\u2014it was below a dam somewhere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Gosh; I couldn\u2019t begin to tell you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It was murky \/ it was fishy-smelling. It was a great date!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> All I know is he pulls out a fishing pole\u2014fishing rod \/ fishing <em>thing<\/em>\u2014I didn\u2019t know what a fishing thing was! [Laughter] Oh, how funny!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things you observed or learned, when you shared this story with your daughters\u2014it was really to talk about the fact that, in relationships, you\u2019ve got to make some adjustments and be ready for the fact that you\u2019re two very different people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly; because after we married, about three months later, we moved to Colorado. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Colorado, there was abundant fishing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You married three months later\u2014after the fishing date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You caught up on that small detail. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just thought our listeners ought to be aware. [Laughter] It went from zero to sixty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m a man of action, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was a sports car relationship. [Laughter] So, from the day you said, \u201cWill you\u2026\u201d to the day you said, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014was six weeks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Six weeks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Six weeks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said, \u201cI\u2019ll be the Fish Queen for as long as we both shall live.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Then, on our honeymoon, I took her camping and trout fishing. [Laughter] We need to get to the point of the book though\u2014she\u2019s talking about how we, as men and women, are different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, we did start out our marriage\u2014really, not polar opposites\u2014because we enjoyed one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes, we had a great time; but, had you asked me what I would have pictured for the early years of our marriage, I would not have pictured traipsing around in the mountains\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014fishing, and camping, and all of those things\u2014because none of that was a part of my background, growing up. They were totally brand-new experiences. I learned, by those experiences, that marrying someone is merging together two vastly different\u2014not just personalities\u2014but life experiences. As Dennis used to say, all the time, \u201cIt\u2019s like merging two countries.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Because we are very different, as men and women\u2014we\u2019re very different in our life experiences \/ our outlook\u2014everything is different. So those early years are years of discovery. What you do with what you discover sets the tone and the foundation for your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Obviously, we\u2019re talking to Barbara Rainey, who is joining us today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019re talking about the wisdom that you want to pass on to younger women\u2014specifically to your daughters\u2014about being a wife. You\u2019ve just written a book called <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>: <em>The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat are the big ideas that you want to pass on to your daughters in this area of marital differences?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>First of all\u2014the first big idea is that there are going to be differences. It\u2018s normal to be diametrically opposite on all kinds of fronts. Because what happens\u2014when we\u2019re engaged \/ and dating but then engaged\u2014we tend to think: \u201cOh, we\u2019re so much alike, and we love each other so much\u2014we\u2019ll never have clashes. Yes; if we do, we can handle them. We love each other so much that it\u2019s not going to be difficult.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the first difficulties for most young couples is they\u2019re caught off guard by these differences. They don\u2019t know what to do with them\u2014they go from being cute and attractive to being downright ugly or frustrating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>All of a sudden, what was cute isn\u2019t so cute anymore; and you think, \u201cNow, what do I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have this tendency to think different means <em>wrong<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Wrong; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis is the way I think; and it\u2019s the way I think naturally. So I must be right; and if you think differently, we need to fix you so you think like me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s part of the awakening and adjusting that both wives and husbands have to do in the early stages of a relationship; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Exactly; because that\u2019s one of the beautiful things about marriage\u2014is how it broadens our perspective. I write about that in telling these stories about fishing. I knew <em>nothing<\/em> about fishing; but because of who I married, the horizons of my life have been greatly expanded and broadened. I could have either fought that, and resisted that, and said: \u201cI don\u2019t want any part of that! That\u2019s foreign to me. I don\u2019t like it\u201d; but by embracing who he was, and his differences as a person, my life is much richer because of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, if we can encourage these young wives\u2014and husbands too \/ but this is for the wives right now\u2014to welcome those differences as an opportunity to grow as an individual, it will make it easier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like what you wrote in your book here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you said: \u201cThese new realities created some minor earthquakes in my life\u2014rumblings that shook my familiar, comfortable foundation. I was discovering that we were not as much alike as I\u2019d originally thought. We were opposites who were attracted to one another but found ourselves, like magnets, that repel each other.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then she goes on to write about how I would make a decision compared to how she would make one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d see something that needed to be done or something I felt like we ought to go do\u2014I\u2019d process at the speed of light and off we\u2019d go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Barbara, on the other hand, processes a little slower. In fact\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014a lot slower.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014a lot slower.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Is that what you were going to say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A little more thoughtfully\u2014with a little broader perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been enriched by that, but I promise you\u2014if, early in our marriage, we had set up war with one another in two separate bunkers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou could easily have built a case between two very different people, who had started out their marriage together, but now really can\u2019t get along and don\u2019t see one another\u2014as we teach at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014as \u201cGod\u2019s perfect gift for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You describe how you began to approach these differences in your marriage. You call it the \u201cBookend Principle.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Explain what that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> The Bookend Principle is something that Dennis and I practiced with one another; and then, after the fact, sort of came up with the name for that. What we have done through the years is\u2014when we\u2019ve had disagreements over our differences or conversations trying to understand one another\u2014we would say to each other: \u201cI love you, and I would marry you all over again. This may be hard, this may be confusing, this may be difficult\u2014it may not be fixed in a single conversation, like we would always like; but that\u2019s okay. I love you and I\u2019m committed to you, and I would do it all over again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat statement of reaffirmation of our vows and commitment to one another provides a level of security to continue to have these discussions about our differences. I think it\u2019s a good habit. It was a good habit for us because you can get so caught up in how different we are\u2014and how his differences grate on me or make life difficult for me and my differences make life difficult for him\u2014that you can subtly switch to becoming enemies rather than allies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were there times, or events, or evenings when you weren\u2019t sure you loved him and you weren\u2019t sure you\u2019d marry him all over again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No. There were times when I didn\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> loving\u2014without question\u2014but I never got to the place where I thought, \u201cThis was a big mistake,\u201d because I <em>knew<\/em> that God had called us to marry each other. I <em>knew<\/em> that we were doing what we were supposed to do. So, therefore, if this was God\u2019s will, and it was, then He would enable us to figure it out with time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That issue was <em>settled<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cDone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That wasn\u2019t open for reevaluation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014reexamination\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014re-discussion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt some point\u2014when you stood and said, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014the ships were burned. You weren\u2019t going to reconsider whether\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s the mistake too many young couples are making today\u2014is they get into it, and it becomes difficult\u2014instead of saying, \u201cWe can work this out,\u201d they say, \u201cGosh; we must have made a mistake.\u201d They move to, \u201cThis is a mistake, and maybe there\u2019s a way out,\u201d rather than, \u201cWe can find a way through this \/ we can make it work,\u201d and stick with it for the long haul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I look back on our marriage. I don\u2019t remember ever entertaining <em>the thought<\/em>. And I mean by <em>entertaining<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m talking about <em>cultivating<\/em> the thought that I\u2019d made a mistake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do wonder, looking back on it\u2014this Bookend Principle of kind of starting out with a commitment that says, \u201cI love you,\u201d and then maybe, in the midst of an argument or after the argument has been exhausted, you say again: \u201cI\u2019m committed to you. I\u2019d marry you all over again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt creates a safe place for two imperfect, very different people to hammer out their relationship together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we\u2019re an instant culture that is not used to having to take a lifetime to achieve this thing called \u201coneness.\u201d What we were doing, back then\u2014we were going through some very hard ground. I mean, it had not been plowed before\u2014two very independent people\u2014who had joined together in marriage, and who did rub one another the wrong way, and who, in their differences, missed each other over, and over, and over again\u2014and, as a result, mis-communicated, disappointed, hurt one another. How do you maintain a relationship in the midst of that if you\u2019re not committed?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s important because we can laugh about fishing dates, and whether you like fishing or not; but a lot of folks, who are listening, are going, \u201cLook, our differences are not around whether you like fishing or not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: \u201c<\/strong>Our differences are around core, fundamental, deeply-held issues in life. The fact that we\u2019re miles apart on this\u2014I just don\u2019t know how to live with a husband \/ or a wife who does not embrace what\u2019s dear to me at the center of my being.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. That is a very difficult place to be. Even though Dennis and I never really had a crisis quite to that depth, we missed each other plenty of times. There are seasons in a marriage when it\u2019s very dry and when there doesn\u2019t feel like there\u2019s much life. I would have to say that: \u201cThere is hope. There\u2019s always hope, as long as we have breath, that if you are committed and you are teachable\u2014both of you are teachable\u2014and you hang in there, there will be a solution, given time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that we expect too much too quickly. We would like to have it happen quickly\u2014I would like to have it happen more quickly too, but that\u2019s just not the way of a marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA marriage is slow, steady growth over a long length of time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you go back to Genesis, Chapters 2 and 3, the way God commands a marriage to start is He commanded a man and a woman to leave father and mother. He commanded them to cleave to one another \/ to be committed to one another. And third, He commanded them to receive one another\u2014to receive the other person as God\u2019s gift for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you practice those three concepts\u2014leave, cleave, and receive\u2014over, and over, and over again\u2014if you practice that in your marriage \/ especially, in the early years\u2014it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s ever going to be easy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I asked Barbara how she would summarize our marriage. I was kind of hoping for \u201cromantic,\u201d [Laughter] \u201cchill bumps\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwonderful.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know? But instead, you said?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s been hard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>Hard work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u201cHard work\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Lots of hard work. I think a lot of young couples\u2014and for that matter, older couples\u2014are starting out marriages today not really expecting it to be as challenging and to demand perseverance like it does\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I just have to come back around here because you\u2019re right in this section of your book that\u2014not only did your marriage start off with fishing\u2014but through the years you\u2019ve learned to enjoy hunting with your husband? [Laughter] Is that true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, not by his definition; no. Not by\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was waiting for the answer to that question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to read to you what you wrote.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Okay; okay. Read what I wrote.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I have learned to appreciate hunting.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, \u201cappreciate it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maybe \u201cappreciate\u201d is a better word than\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u201cAppreciate\u201d is a better word. Yes\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI actually went with him on an elk hunt a few years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014 \u201cwith the camo, the face paint, and the human scent killers sprayed on my body.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughing] I did!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara and Bob:<\/strong> \u201cAren\u2019t you impressed?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you say right here: \u201cAren\u2019t you impressed?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cWe hiked and hiked and snuck up on a herd of elk hiding behind trees like clandestine spies following a double agent down a dark alley in Eastern Europe. It was really fun!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It was fun! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the point is that we\u2019re going to face these differences in the first years of our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some of them crop up ten years in\u2014fifteen. It\u2019s a life-long process of understanding \u201cWe\u2019re different,\u201d and making those adjustments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly. That really is the point that I\u2019m trying to make with these girls\u2014is that the differences are there\u2014they\u2019re not to be changed and they\u2019re going to be there for life. I think we somehow assume, early on, that a lot of this stuff is going to subside, or change, or moderate; but who we are is who we are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just amazed at how little really changes over time. You either fight it, and resent it, and resist it, or you join and learn to actually enjoy it and appreciate it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, do I love to go hunting? No. I enjoyed that because it was active. We were hiking in the mountains, and it was beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it was warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>And it was reasonably warm; yes. But the kind of hunting that he is often inviting me to go on\u2014which I have refused\u2014is the kind where you get up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, in the winter, and you go sit. You can\u2019t talk \/ you can hardly breathe, and it\u2019s <em>freezing<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHiking in the mountains\u2014we could talk as we went\u2014until we actually saw the elk \/ then we had to be quiet. It was a much different kind of experience so I could appreciate that one. But sitting in a deer stand\u2014I\u2019ve done it once and I\u2019m not real interested in going there again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The point is\u2014you don\u2019t have to be interested in going there again to make your marriage work. This is a part of the dance. One of your chapters in your book, \u201cMarriage Is Like Beautiful Dancing\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cPart of the dance is understanding what we do together and where it\u2019s better to leave each other some space and some time to do things apart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just think you have given some real great practical wisdom to a lot of wives in what you\u2019ve written in your book, <em>Letters to My Daughters:<\/em> <em>The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>. It\u2019s brand new, and you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and ask for the book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>, when you get in touch with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as both of you guys know, this is our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary as a ministry\u20142016. All year long, we are celebrating anniversaries. Today, we want to congratulate Abigail and Angelo Pinheiro. They live in Princeton, New Jersey. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on WFIL. They\u2019re celebrating 21 years of marriage today. \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Pinheiros\u2014\u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to help you celebrate your anniversary this year. In fact, if you will go to FamilyLifeToday.com and leave us your anniversary date, we\u2019ll have some suggestions for you this year on how this year\u2019s anniversary can be the best anniversary ever. It\u2019s all because we are the \u201cProud Sponsor of Anniversaries.\u201d There are a lot of anniversaries that have happened over the years because of how God has used <em>FamilyLife<\/em> in people\u2019s lives for 40 years now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks to those of you who make <em>FamilyLife<\/em> possible. We\u2019re listener-supported\u2014we depend on your donations in order for this ministry to exist. This month, we\u2019re hoping that God might raise up, in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard, 20 new families who would join us as Legacy Partners. We\u2019re asking you\u2014if you\u2019re a regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener \/ if God\u2019s used this ministry in your life: \u201cWould you be one of the families in your state to help support this program?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s easy to do\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cDONATE.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information there about becoming a Legacy Partner or about how you can make a one-time gift to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call and say, \u201cI\u2019m interested in becoming a Legacy Partner.\u201d We\u2019ll explain the whole process to you when you call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about the spiritual foundation in a marriage and how important that is. Barbara Rainey will be back with us. Hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303872","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303872"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303872"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303872"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303872"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303872"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303872"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303872"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}