{"id":303842,"date":"2016-01-22T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-01-22T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/standing-ready-to-forgive\/"},"modified":"2016-01-22T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-01-22T17:00:00","slug":"standing-ready-to-forgive","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/standing-ready-to-forgive\/","title":{"rendered":"Standing Ready to Forgive"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Vicki Tiede | Series: When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography | Marriage is for a lifetime. But when a spouse refuses to admit or give up their sin, sometimes separation is in order. Vicki Tiede, the former wife of a man addicted to porn, talks about confronting her husband with his addiction and sadly realizing that his behavior wasn&#8217;t going to stop. Taking the advice of godly counsel, Vicki left home in an attempt to protect herself and her daughter from her husband&#8217;s increasingly reckless behavior. Vicki tells how her faith in Christ helped her forgive her husband and start a new life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Vicki Tiede talks about realizing her former husband&#8217;s addictive behavior wasn&#8217;t going to stop. Taking the advice of godly counsel, Vicki left home in an attempt to protect herself and her daughter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.61M","filesize_raw":"25806772","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2840,2844],"tags":[5943,2872,2989],"podcast_series":[7938],"cwp_profile":[3402],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303842","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-pornography","tag-addicted-to-porn","tag-addiction","tag-pornography","podcast_series-when-your-husband-is-addicted-to-pornography","cwp_profile-vicki-tiede","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303842\/standing-ready-to-forgive","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303842\/standing-ready-to-forgive","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZTNbEw6JQD\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/standing-ready-to-forgive\/\">Standing Ready to Forgive<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/standing-ready-to-forgive\/embed\/#?secret=ZTNbEw6JQD\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Standing Ready to Forgive&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZTNbEw6JQD\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Vicki Tiede has a word for wives\u2014she says, \u201cIf your husband confesses to you that he\u2019s been looking at pornography, you should be encouraged.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>In Genesis 32, Jacob has an all-night wrestling match with God. In the morning, he\u2019s standing; but he walks with a limp. When women find out their husbands are struggling with an addiction and he\u2019s confessed that to her, she needs to thank God for that spiritual take down because, then, you know that God\u2019s working in his life and that he\u2019s, hopefully, going to recover from this. But the rest of the world doesn\u2019t struggle with this. They just continue in the behavior. The <em>good guys<\/em> struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, January 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today from Vicki Tiede about how a wife can and should respond when she\u2019s confronted with the reality that her husband is struggling with pornography. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. We\u2019re going to talk about a heavy subject today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we have to start off with a big announcement because we have some friends, Alfred and Beverly Thomas, who are celebrating 44 years of marriage together today\u201444<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary for the Thomas\u2019s. These guys\u2014these guys have been to 17 <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Now, some of those they have come as volunteers because they\u2019ve helped bring the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to Detroit. They\u2019ve volunteered in other cities, and they\u2019re friends of ours. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on WLQV. We just wanted to say, \u201cHappy 44<sup>th<\/sup> Wedding Anniversary!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means they got married four years before FamilyLife began. We\u2019re celebrating \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t40 years of ministry this year as the \u201cProud Sponsor of Anniversaries.\u201d We are, together, celebrating the anniversaries of friends of this ministry all year long. So \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Thomas\u2019s on 44 years together today. I know, if they were here today, they would say to you: \u201cIf you\u2019ve never been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, you ought to come this spring. If you have been, it\u2019s probably time for a refresher \/ for a checkup.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday\u2019s the last day that I\u2019ve got to let you know about the special offer we\u2019re making this week where, if you pay the regular price to attend a getaway for yourself, your spouse comes free. So take advantage of the special offer by signing up today for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Register for an upcoming getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you get in touch with us, let us know your anniversary date and year so that we can celebrate your anniversary this year. We\u2019re all about anniversaries in 2016 because that\u2019s what we\u2019re all about, as a ministry\u2014helping couples go the distance in their marriage. We believe, when God puts a husband and wife together, He intends for that relationship to be a lifetime covenant relationship \u201c\u2026until death do us part.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe that \/ you believe that\u2014and yet, at the same time, we\u2019ve been in situations, Dennis, where we\u2019ve had to sit across the table from people, where we have said, \u201cMaybe the best thing for you right now \/ the most healthy thing you can do is to separate, with redemption in view \/ with a redemptive goal in mind.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cor to prove that one or the other, who has sinned in the situation, are truly repentant.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Sometimes, that\u2019s what it takes to let both people see the seriousness of where the sin has taken them in a marriage relationship. That\u2019s really the territory we\u2019re going to walk into today as we talk about the issue of pornography and what happens in a marriage relationship when pornography is a part of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I just want to make one comment about divorce here, Bob, because it really raises the question, \u201cDid Jesus allow for divorce?\u201d I don\u2019t think Jesus encouraged divorce. I think He recognized that there is a condition of the heart\u2014a hardness of the heart. I think it\u2019s about the realness of the Scripture that recognizes the brokenness of humanity, where yes\u2014divorce, in certain situations, is allowed. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> the default-position and shouldn\u2019t be the default-position for Christians\u2014who have friends who come to them, seeking counsel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible is a book about reconciliation. It\u2019s <em>always<\/em> God\u2019s desire and design for relationships that have been broken to be reconciled. There are times when divorce may be necessary for <em>protective<\/em> reasons. That\u2019s part of what we\u2019re getting to here today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly. We have a guest with us, on the broadcast\u2014Vicki Tiede, who joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Vicki, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Thank you so much!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We have a mutual friend\u2014who is, I guess, a distant relative?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014Bob Tiede, who, for a number of years, was Josh McDowell\u2019s right-hand man. Bob Tiede is a good friend. Vicki, he\u2019s a good friend of yours because he sent us your book and said, \u201cYou need to get Vicki on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and talk with her about what took place in her first marriage around pornography.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki and her current husband were married in 1999. They have three children. She is a homeschooling mom and a women\u2019s ministry coordinator at her local church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe speaks all around the country. Her book is entitled <em>When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And if our listeners haven\u2019t figured it out by now, the reason we started off by talking about the issue of divorce is because, after years of working\u2014trying to address this issue in your marriage\u2014and it was never addressed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, in fact, what happened was\u2014you confronted your husband on three different occasions, at least. He didn\u2019t respond on any one of those three occasions; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What ended up being the line in the sand, where you felt like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to do something,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>You know what? There was just so much evidence that this wasn\u2019t going to stop. It was escalating in degree of severity. It was to the point where physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I was in danger. I was concerned for my health and my daughter\u2019s health in the things that were being introduced to our home. I talked to my pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talked to my counselor. I, actually, talked to my in-laws because we lived near them. They tried to talk to him too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe really followed that Matthew 18:15 principle of confrontation and followed it very closely. In fact, the first step I probably repeated many, many times before I brought somebody else in because I really didn\u2019t tell anyone what was going on for the very longest time. In fact, my family had no idea until I was ready to leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You shared with us that you sensed, early in the marriage, almost from the honeymoon, that there was some sexual brokenness here\u2014that three months into the marriage, you found evidence of that. That evidence began to multiply and accumulate. You said you began to fear for your health, your safety, your physical safety?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right. Well, with sexual addiction, for many people, it does escalate to\u2014there are different levels of sexual addition. It can escalate up to where you have physical manifestations, not just pornography\u2014that would be Level Two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLevel Three becomes criminal behavior. Level Four is violent criminal behavior. While he wasn\u2019t at Level Four, he certainly had moved up to these other levels.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Level Two would be adultery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Level Three\u2014when you talk about criminal behavior, you\u2019re talking about solicitation\/prostitution\u2014those kinds of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, there\u2019s also the issue of sexually-transmitted diseases.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>And that\u2019s why I was in danger. I was concerned that he was with someone else and that he was going to be bringing that home\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Around the subject\u2014and this is, obviously, incredibly intimate\u2014but as you began to confront him, how would you handle\u2014I mean, you started finding out that\u2014yes, he had been with other women. Did you completely shut yourself down, physically, in terms of availability?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>I shared that\u2014from the very beginning, intimacy was an issue. There was that brokenness and a lack of interest on his part. I always considered the fact that I was expecting a child kind of miraculous. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce that happened, there really was no further reason for him to be intimate with me. That wasn\u2019t <em>my<\/em> desire. That was just convenient for him; and because it was during that time that his behaviors escalated even more, it wasn\u2019t my lack of availability\u2014it was his lack of interest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say to a woman, who is in a marriage, where she is wondering about some of these things? What would your counsel be to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>If she is concerned that he is taking intimacy outside and has defiled the marriage bed\u2014and there is <em>any<\/em> concern of that\u2014she has got to physically be protecting herself. I think that there is a time to declare a sexual fast\u2014and for both of you, then, to take that to the Lord and be, hopefully, working on this. Again, that\u2019s the ideal. The ideal is that he is struggling with this issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Genesis 32, Jacob has an all-night wrestling match with God. In the morning, he is standing again after his fall\u2014he is standing, but he walks with a limp. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis brother Esau comes running to meet him and doesn\u2019t limp at all. I used to struggle with that. Now, I think: \u201cYou know what? When women find out their husbands are struggling with an addiction and he\u2019s confessed that to her, she needs to thank God for that spiritual take down because, then, you know that God is working in his life and that he\u2019s, hopefully, going to recover from this.\u201d But the rest of the world doesn\u2019t struggle with this. They just go limp, and they continue in the behavior. The <em>good guys<\/em> struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So when you left\u2014at three-and-a-half years, taking your daughter with you\u2014did you have hope that, maybe in leaving, that would bring him to rock bottom and he would turn around?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>You know, I think by then, I knew that there had <em>never<\/em> been an inkling, even, of repentance or desire for restoration. So, no, I think I had completely gotten to the point of no hope before I left. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hung in a lot longer than even my pastor or Christian counselor counseled me to hang in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And what were you thinking about the turn your life had taken?\u2014and God?\u2014and\u2014I mean, this was not what you had dreamed of all your life. What was going on in your heart?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>You know what? My identity in Christ was <em>so<\/em> damaged, at that point. I was this na\u00efve little girl, who grew up on the hog farm\u2014and now, living in a bigger city\u2014and really, \u201cWas I that na\u00efve?\u201d And you know, I do have to own that I probably had some intimacy issues that needed to be worked out, but that doesn\u2019t allow for pornography. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the end, we\u2019re all responsible for our own choices. There are times that I can go back, and look at my situation, and say, \u201cI could have done this better.\u201d But I think all of us do the best we can with the information that we have at the time, and that\u2019s what I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to draw attention to the fact, then\u2014you said this\u2014when you left at three-and-a-half years, it was longer than your pastor had counseled you to stay. I think it\u2019s important to know you were not just making a decision on your own here. You had sought godly counsel. You were having godly men speak into your life and say to you, \u201cNo, you need, for your own safety and protection, to step away from this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI bring that up, Dennis, because so many times, I think, decisions like a separation or a divorce are made in a vacuum\u2014by a hurt person, who is making decisions in the framework of that hurt\u2014rather than getting objective, wise, spiritual, godly counsel about, \u201cWhat do I do in this situation?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Isolation is not your friend\u2014isolation is an enemy in this situation. You have to find some people who will give you the advice from the Scriptures that you need to hear\u2014not what you want to hear\u2014and counsel you toward the direction\u2014hopefully and ideally, toward reconciliation and restoration of the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe live in a real world, as we talked about in the beginning, where even Jesus recognized there is a hardness of the heart\u2014where two imperfect people can\u2019t work it out. In those situations, yes, as much as we hate it, infidelity means there is a basis for divorce in that situation. That was what you moved toward at that point. Were you able to make that decision in clear conscience and with godly counselors around you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>I was, but I can\u2019t tell you that I slept well after that. That was truly the most difficult decision I probably have ever had to make in my life. I didn\u2019t have a history of divorce\u2014nobody I knew was divorced. We didn\u2019t have family friends who divorced. Even though that was becoming more the norm, culturally, it wasn\u2019t the norm in my life. The \u201cD\u201d word just never, ever crossed my mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, in the end, I knew I had to go. I knew that that was really the only course of action. I never had a peace about it\u2014not yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, really, when I lost everything\u2014when I lost my marriage, when I lost financial security, when I lost a husband, but also a father for my child, who was going to be there, day in and day out\u2014when I lost all of those things is when I really, really discovered that I had to cling to Jesus and that He could get me through this. He knew what betrayal felt like\u2014God gets this. God knows what it is to make a covenant promise with a group of people who, then, turn their backs and choose to love someone else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you quote Malachi, Chapter 2, where it says, \u201cI (God) hate divorce.\u201d You said you understand\u2014now, having been through this\u2014why God hates it. It\u2019s a traumatic deal. It\u2019s not God\u2019s first choice\u2014He doesn\u2019t want that. He doesn\u2019t want us to get a divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe loves divorcees\u2014He loves people, who even have broken their promise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And one of the things that you dip into is a controversial subject. You talk about forgiveness of your husband when he may not be repentant. Explain what you wrote in your book and why you put it there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Let me tell you this. One thing that I\u2019ve seen\u2014over, and over, and over again\u2014are women who forgive quickly because they believe that\u2019s the Christian thing to do. As a godly woman and a woman of the church: \u201cI have to forgive him right away because God says I have to forgive. So, that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do.\u201d Then, they carry around this big pornography club\u2014that they hold over their husband\u2019s head\u2014and they bring it up all the time. They are the porn police. They are digging through all this stuff. They are doing things that are natural for a woman to do; and yet, they don\u2019t reflect forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often, what happens\u2014if the woman does say, right away, \u201cI forgive you for this,\u201d he thinks he has a clean slate. If he really has a pornography issue and if he doesn\u2019t want to work on it, he sees this as the Get-out-of-jail-free card: \u201cShe said, \u2018I forgive you.\u2019 Now, the next time she brings it up, I\u2019m going to remind her that she said she forgave me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI encourage women to really do the hard work so that, when you forgive, it is true from-the-tips-of-your-toes forgiveness, and you\u2019re not holding that club over his head anymore. So even if he is continuing to engage in that pornography \/ if he is making bad choices, when you\u2019re demonstrating a spirit of forgiveness, there\u2019s that tenderness\u2014there\u2019s that, \u201cI want you to know that as soon as you\u2019re ready to come to me, I\u2019m right here, waiting for us to have full restoration.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I have always appreciated our friends at Peacemaker Ministries, who deal with this whole issue of forgiveness and restoration. They have the four promises of forgiveness that they talk about: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first is: \u201cIf you\u2019re really forgiving somebody, one of the promises you\u2019re making is, \u2018I won\u2019t dwell on this incident.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second is: \u201cI will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.\u201d If you\u2019ve forgiven somebody, that means, \u201cIt\u2019s in the past.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t think about it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No, it just means you don\u2019t use it as a hatchet anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that would mean you\u2019re inhuman. Only God can remember our sins no more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the third one: \u201cI will not talk to others about this incident.\u201d In other words, \u201cI\u2019m not going to go out and get all my girlfriends together and say, \u2018Yes, I\u2019ve forgiven him; but...\u2019\u201d You know how that works. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, \u201cI will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we talk about real forgiveness\u2014from your toes, like you were saying\u2014this is the kind of forgiveness you\u2019re talking about. That is not just a quick, \u201cOh, well, never mind,\u201d but a gritty, hard, determined, purposeful, God-like forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In summary of that, Bob, I think forgiveness, ultimately, means we give up the right to punish the other person. It\u2019s why\u2014kind of a second half or the other side of the coin where you talk about forgiveness\u2014you say that you should withhold forgiveness where there isn\u2019t repentance. In other words, in order for forgiveness to be realized, that person must ask, must come, and repent, wanting to be forgiven; correct?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Correct. Here\u2019s the thing\u2014the greater person that they need to be going to for repentance isn\u2019t me or the wife\u2014it\u2019s Jesus. There is an obstacle in their way between their relationship with Christ. He, too, is standing, ready to forgive. He says, \u201cRepent and come to Me,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what He is waiting for as well. I think that\u2019s important, and that\u2019s a biblical way to handle that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the same time, again, when they\u2019re continuing in that sin\u2014you stand ready to forgive\u2014you have dealt with the anger, you\u2019ve dealt with the fear, and you\u2019ve dealt with your tendency to control or to try to manipulate his healing. So many of us, women, have that desire. First, we blame ourselves and, then, we try to fix him. We try to control how he\u2019s going to work on this addiction. So, when we\u2019ve dealt with all of those things, we\u2019re in a much better position to behave in a forgiving manner toward our husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You still have to love your enemies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible says that\u2014you have to show mercy. You have to give a blessing in return for evil. These are all things that\u2014whether we talk about forgiveness in a transactional vein, as you [Vicki] talk about it \/ or just giving up the right to punish, as you [Dennis] talk about it\u2014even if we say, \u201cHe\u2019s got to be ready to repent before I can forgive him,\u201d you still have to bless him, you still have to pray for him, you still have to not speak evil against him. There are a lot of commands in Scripture about how you are to live out with the one who you are opposed to in that moment; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. I talk a lot about not behaving in a vengeful manner\u2014vengeance isn\u2019t for the wife. That\u2019s not going to encourage healing in the relationship whatsoever. Undeserved forgiveness makes you look more like Jesus. There may be a time\u2014there are some women who feel like this isn\u2019t deserved \/ he\u2019s not sorry enough about this\u2014and yet, that\u2019s not for you to determine. If he\u2019s coming to you and he\u2019s asking for forgiveness, then that\u2019s when you have to grant that. The thing is\u2014this is an addiction\u2014so there are going to be slips or relapses. A relapse is, I think, a full-throttle doing it all again; but a slip is a slight lapse in progress. You\u2019re going to have those happen. You\u2019re going to have to learn, sometimes, to have daily forgiveness when there is a slip or an indiscretion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Healing and restoration doesn\u2019t occur in a vacuum. We said it earlier in this broadcast\u2014you\u2019re not going to be able to handle a crisis like this alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to be surrounded by other men who become accountability partners with your husband. You have to be surrounded with godly counsel for the wife, who is being coached and encouraged, at points, where there is a slip. There\u2019s wisdom to provide grace, and get back up, and stay on the journey because we are imperfect. We need that grace and forgiveness, first and foremost, from God\u2014but we don\u2019t live it out perfectly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki, I really appreciate your sharing your story, here, with our listeners. I think this devotional that you\u2019ve written for wives, who find themselves in a situation like this\u2014I think it\u2019s going to be really helpful to them to begin to process what they\u2019ve experienced and to help them become the women God wants them to be. Thanks for writing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think what you\u2019ve done in the book and, really, what you\u2019ve done, here today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is you\u2019ve given women a picture\u2014you\u2019ve coached them from your own experience and from what you\u2019ve learned from God\u2019s Word\u2014about how to respond to your husband\u2019s sin in a way that most honors God \/ that represents Christ to your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners\u2014if this is something that you are facing or if you know someone who is facing this kind of an issue, get a copy of Vicki\u2019s book, <em>When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can request a copy, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy of the book, <em>When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur hope is that whatever issues you face, as a couple\u2014whether it is pornography or any issue that comes your way\u2014you know how to press toward one another and pursue oneness in marriage\u2014how to confess \/ how to grant forgiveness\u2014things we talk about at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We try to provide couples there with practical biblical help for how to make a marriage work. We try to give couples hope, especially if your marriage is in a difficult spot. So whether you\u2019re in a good place in your marriage or whether you\u2019re facing challenges, why don\u2019t you plan to join us this spring at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you sign up this weekend\u2014this is the last opportunity you\u2019ve got to take advantage of the special offer we\u2019re making where you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of the special offer and get in touch with us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY to join us at a spring <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. Hope to see you there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we have to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for joining us. Hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family can worship together in church this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about real love\u2014not the hearts and the flowers \/ the romantic love\u2014I mean, that\u2019s good\u2014but we want to talk about the gritty kind of 1 Corinthians 13 love. Barbara Rainey will be here to help us talk about that. Hope you can join us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.61M"],"filesize_raw":["25806772"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303842.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303842.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Tiede talks about realizing her former husband's addictive behavior wasn't going to stop. Taking the advice of godly counsel, Vicki left home in an attempt to protect herself and her daughter.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Vicki Tiede has a word for wives\u2014she says, \u201cIf your husband confesses to you that he\u2019s been looking at pornography, you should be encouraged.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>In Genesis 32, Jacob has an all-night wrestling match with God. In the morning, he\u2019s standing; but he walks with a limp. When women find out their husbands are struggling with an addiction and he\u2019s confessed that to her, she needs to thank God for that spiritual take down because, then, you know that God\u2019s working in his life and that he\u2019s, hopefully, going to recover from this. But the rest of the world doesn\u2019t struggle with this. They just continue in the behavior. The <em>good guys<\/em> struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, January 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today from Vicki Tiede about how a wife can and should respond when she\u2019s confronted with the reality that her husband is struggling with pornography. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. We\u2019re going to talk about a heavy subject today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we have to start off with a big announcement because we have some friends, Alfred and Beverly Thomas, who are celebrating 44 years of marriage together today\u201444<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary for the Thomas\u2019s. These guys\u2014these guys have been to 17 <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Now, some of those they have come as volunteers because they\u2019ve helped bring the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to Detroit. They\u2019ve volunteered in other cities, and they\u2019re friends of ours. They listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on WLQV. We just wanted to say, \u201cHappy 44<sup>th<\/sup> Wedding Anniversary!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means they got married four years before FamilyLife began. We\u2019re celebrating \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t40 years of ministry this year as the \u201cProud Sponsor of Anniversaries.\u201d We are, together, celebrating the anniversaries of friends of this ministry all year long. So \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to the Thomas\u2019s on 44 years together today. I know, if they were here today, they would say to you: \u201cIf you\u2019ve never been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, you ought to come this spring. If you have been, it\u2019s probably time for a refresher \/ for a checkup.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday\u2019s the last day that I\u2019ve got to let you know about the special offer we\u2019re making this week where, if you pay the regular price to attend a getaway for yourself, your spouse comes free. So take advantage of the special offer by signing up today for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Register for an upcoming getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you get in touch with us, let us know your anniversary date and year so that we can celebrate your anniversary this year. We\u2019re all about anniversaries in 2016 because that\u2019s what we\u2019re all about, as a ministry\u2014helping couples go the distance in their marriage. We believe, when God puts a husband and wife together, He intends for that relationship to be a lifetime covenant relationship \u201c\u2026until death do us part.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe that \/ you believe that\u2014and yet, at the same time, we\u2019ve been in situations, Dennis, where we\u2019ve had to sit across the table from people, where we have said, \u201cMaybe the best thing for you right now \/ the most healthy thing you can do is to separate, with redemption in view \/ with a redemptive goal in mind.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cor to prove that one or the other, who has sinned in the situation, are truly repentant.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Sometimes, that\u2019s what it takes to let both people see the seriousness of where the sin has taken them in a marriage relationship. That\u2019s really the territory we\u2019re going to walk into today as we talk about the issue of pornography and what happens in a marriage relationship when pornography is a part of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I just want to make one comment about divorce here, Bob, because it really raises the question, \u201cDid Jesus allow for divorce?\u201d I don\u2019t think Jesus encouraged divorce. I think He recognized that there is a condition of the heart\u2014a hardness of the heart. I think it\u2019s about the realness of the Scripture that recognizes the brokenness of humanity, where yes\u2014divorce, in certain situations, is allowed. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> the default-position and shouldn\u2019t be the default-position for Christians\u2014who have friends who come to them, seeking counsel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible is a book about reconciliation. It\u2019s <em>always<\/em> God\u2019s desire and design for relationships that have been broken to be reconciled. There are times when divorce may be necessary for <em>protective<\/em> reasons. That\u2019s part of what we\u2019re getting to here today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly. We have a guest with us, on the broadcast\u2014Vicki Tiede, who joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Vicki, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Thank you so much!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We have a mutual friend\u2014who is, I guess, a distant relative?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014Bob Tiede, who, for a number of years, was Josh McDowell\u2019s right-hand man. Bob Tiede is a good friend. Vicki, he\u2019s a good friend of yours because he sent us your book and said, \u201cYou need to get Vicki on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and talk with her about what took place in her first marriage around pornography.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki and her current husband were married in 1999. They have three children. She is a homeschooling mom and a women\u2019s ministry coordinator at her local church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe speaks all around the country. Her book is entitled <em>When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And if our listeners haven\u2019t figured it out by now, the reason we started off by talking about the issue of divorce is because, after years of working\u2014trying to address this issue in your marriage\u2014and it was never addressed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, in fact, what happened was\u2014you confronted your husband on three different occasions, at least. He didn\u2019t respond on any one of those three occasions; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What ended up being the line in the sand, where you felt like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to do something,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>You know what? There was just so much evidence that this wasn\u2019t going to stop. It was escalating in degree of severity. It was to the point where physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I was in danger. I was concerned for my health and my daughter\u2019s health in the things that were being introduced to our home. I talked to my pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talked to my counselor. I, actually, talked to my in-laws because we lived near them. They tried to talk to him too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe really followed that Matthew 18:15 principle of confrontation and followed it very closely. In fact, the first step I probably repeated many, many times before I brought somebody else in because I really didn\u2019t tell anyone what was going on for the very longest time. In fact, my family had no idea until I was ready to leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You shared with us that you sensed, early in the marriage, almost from the honeymoon, that there was some sexual brokenness here\u2014that three months into the marriage, you found evidence of that. That evidence began to multiply and accumulate. You said you began to fear for your health, your safety, your physical safety?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right. Well, with sexual addiction, for many people, it does escalate to\u2014there are different levels of sexual addition. It can escalate up to where you have physical manifestations, not just pornography\u2014that would be Level Two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLevel Three becomes criminal behavior. Level Four is violent criminal behavior. While he wasn\u2019t at Level Four, he certainly had moved up to these other levels.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Level Two would be adultery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Level Three\u2014when you talk about criminal behavior, you\u2019re talking about solicitation\/prostitution\u2014those kinds of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, there\u2019s also the issue of sexually-transmitted diseases.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>And that\u2019s why I was in danger. I was concerned that he was with someone else and that he was going to be bringing that home\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Around the subject\u2014and this is, obviously, incredibly intimate\u2014but as you began to confront him, how would you handle\u2014I mean, you started finding out that\u2014yes, he had been with other women. Did you completely shut yourself down, physically, in terms of availability?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>I shared that\u2014from the very beginning, intimacy was an issue. There was that brokenness and a lack of interest on his part. I always considered the fact that I was expecting a child kind of miraculous. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce that happened, there really was no further reason for him to be intimate with me. That wasn\u2019t <em>my<\/em> desire. That was just convenient for him; and because it was during that time that his behaviors escalated even more, it wasn\u2019t my lack of availability\u2014it was his lack of interest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say to a woman, who is in a marriage, where she is wondering about some of these things? What would your counsel be to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>If she is concerned that he is taking intimacy outside and has defiled the marriage bed\u2014and there is <em>any<\/em> concern of that\u2014she has got to physically be protecting herself. I think that there is a time to declare a sexual fast\u2014and for both of you, then, to take that to the Lord and be, hopefully, working on this. Again, that\u2019s the ideal. The ideal is that he is struggling with this issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Genesis 32, Jacob has an all-night wrestling match with God. In the morning, he is standing again after his fall\u2014he is standing, but he walks with a limp. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis brother Esau comes running to meet him and doesn\u2019t limp at all. I used to struggle with that. Now, I think: \u201cYou know what? When women find out their husbands are struggling with an addiction and he\u2019s confessed that to her, she needs to thank God for that spiritual take down because, then, you know that God is working in his life and that he\u2019s, hopefully, going to recover from this.\u201d But the rest of the world doesn\u2019t struggle with this. They just go limp, and they continue in the behavior. The <em>good guys<\/em> struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So when you left\u2014at three-and-a-half years, taking your daughter with you\u2014did you have hope that, maybe in leaving, that would bring him to rock bottom and he would turn around?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>You know, I think by then, I knew that there had <em>never<\/em> been an inkling, even, of repentance or desire for restoration. So, no, I think I had completely gotten to the point of no hope before I left. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hung in a lot longer than even my pastor or Christian counselor counseled me to hang in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And what were you thinking about the turn your life had taken?\u2014and God?\u2014and\u2014I mean, this was not what you had dreamed of all your life. What was going on in your heart?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>You know what? My identity in Christ was <em>so<\/em> damaged, at that point. I was this na\u00efve little girl, who grew up on the hog farm\u2014and now, living in a bigger city\u2014and really, \u201cWas I that na\u00efve?\u201d And you know, I do have to own that I probably had some intimacy issues that needed to be worked out, but that doesn\u2019t allow for pornography. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the end, we\u2019re all responsible for our own choices. There are times that I can go back, and look at my situation, and say, \u201cI could have done this better.\u201d But I think all of us do the best we can with the information that we have at the time, and that\u2019s what I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to draw attention to the fact, then\u2014you said this\u2014when you left at three-and-a-half years, it was longer than your pastor had counseled you to stay. I think it\u2019s important to know you were not just making a decision on your own here. You had sought godly counsel. You were having godly men speak into your life and say to you, \u201cNo, you need, for your own safety and protection, to step away from this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI bring that up, Dennis, because so many times, I think, decisions like a separation or a divorce are made in a vacuum\u2014by a hurt person, who is making decisions in the framework of that hurt\u2014rather than getting objective, wise, spiritual, godly counsel about, \u201cWhat do I do in this situation?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Isolation is not your friend\u2014isolation is an enemy in this situation. You have to find some people who will give you the advice from the Scriptures that you need to hear\u2014not what you want to hear\u2014and counsel you toward the direction\u2014hopefully and ideally, toward reconciliation and restoration of the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe live in a real world, as we talked about in the beginning, where even Jesus recognized there is a hardness of the heart\u2014where two imperfect people can\u2019t work it out. In those situations, yes, as much as we hate it, infidelity means there is a basis for divorce in that situation. That was what you moved toward at that point. Were you able to make that decision in clear conscience and with godly counselors around you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>I was, but I can\u2019t tell you that I slept well after that. That was truly the most difficult decision I probably have ever had to make in my life. I didn\u2019t have a history of divorce\u2014nobody I knew was divorced. We didn\u2019t have family friends who divorced. Even though that was becoming more the norm, culturally, it wasn\u2019t the norm in my life. The \u201cD\u201d word just never, ever crossed my mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, in the end, I knew I had to go. I knew that that was really the only course of action. I never had a peace about it\u2014not yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, really, when I lost everything\u2014when I lost my marriage, when I lost financial security, when I lost a husband, but also a father for my child, who was going to be there, day in and day out\u2014when I lost all of those things is when I really, really discovered that I had to cling to Jesus and that He could get me through this. He knew what betrayal felt like\u2014God gets this. God knows what it is to make a covenant promise with a group of people who, then, turn their backs and choose to love someone else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you quote Malachi, Chapter 2, where it says, \u201cI (God) hate divorce.\u201d You said you understand\u2014now, having been through this\u2014why God hates it. It\u2019s a traumatic deal. It\u2019s not God\u2019s first choice\u2014He doesn\u2019t want that. He doesn\u2019t want us to get a divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe loves divorcees\u2014He loves people, who even have broken their promise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And one of the things that you dip into is a controversial subject. You talk about forgiveness of your husband when he may not be repentant. Explain what you wrote in your book and why you put it there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Let me tell you this. One thing that I\u2019ve seen\u2014over, and over, and over again\u2014are women who forgive quickly because they believe that\u2019s the Christian thing to do. As a godly woman and a woman of the church: \u201cI have to forgive him right away because God says I have to forgive. So, that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do.\u201d Then, they carry around this big pornography club\u2014that they hold over their husband\u2019s head\u2014and they bring it up all the time. They are the porn police. They are digging through all this stuff. They are doing things that are natural for a woman to do; and yet, they don\u2019t reflect forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often, what happens\u2014if the woman does say, right away, \u201cI forgive you for this,\u201d he thinks he has a clean slate. If he really has a pornography issue and if he doesn\u2019t want to work on it, he sees this as the Get-out-of-jail-free card: \u201cShe said, \u2018I forgive you.\u2019 Now, the next time she brings it up, I\u2019m going to remind her that she said she forgave me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI encourage women to really do the hard work so that, when you forgive, it is true from-the-tips-of-your-toes forgiveness, and you\u2019re not holding that club over his head anymore. So even if he is continuing to engage in that pornography \/ if he is making bad choices, when you\u2019re demonstrating a spirit of forgiveness, there\u2019s that tenderness\u2014there\u2019s that, \u201cI want you to know that as soon as you\u2019re ready to come to me, I\u2019m right here, waiting for us to have full restoration.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I have always appreciated our friends at Peacemaker Ministries, who deal with this whole issue of forgiveness and restoration. They have the four promises of forgiveness that they talk about: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first is: \u201cIf you\u2019re really forgiving somebody, one of the promises you\u2019re making is, \u2018I won\u2019t dwell on this incident.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second is: \u201cI will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.\u201d If you\u2019ve forgiven somebody, that means, \u201cIt\u2019s in the past.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t think about it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No, it just means you don\u2019t use it as a hatchet anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that would mean you\u2019re inhuman. Only God can remember our sins no more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the third one: \u201cI will not talk to others about this incident.\u201d In other words, \u201cI\u2019m not going to go out and get all my girlfriends together and say, \u2018Yes, I\u2019ve forgiven him; but...\u2019\u201d You know how that works. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, \u201cI will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we talk about real forgiveness\u2014from your toes, like you were saying\u2014this is the kind of forgiveness you\u2019re talking about. That is not just a quick, \u201cOh, well, never mind,\u201d but a gritty, hard, determined, purposeful, God-like forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In summary of that, Bob, I think forgiveness, ultimately, means we give up the right to punish the other person. It\u2019s why\u2014kind of a second half or the other side of the coin where you talk about forgiveness\u2014you say that you should withhold forgiveness where there isn\u2019t repentance. In other words, in order for forgiveness to be realized, that person must ask, must come, and repent, wanting to be forgiven; correct?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Correct. Here\u2019s the thing\u2014the greater person that they need to be going to for repentance isn\u2019t me or the wife\u2014it\u2019s Jesus. There is an obstacle in their way between their relationship with Christ. He, too, is standing, ready to forgive. He says, \u201cRepent and come to Me,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what He is waiting for as well. I think that\u2019s important, and that\u2019s a biblical way to handle that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the same time, again, when they\u2019re continuing in that sin\u2014you stand ready to forgive\u2014you have dealt with the anger, you\u2019ve dealt with the fear, and you\u2019ve dealt with your tendency to control or to try to manipulate his healing. So many of us, women, have that desire. First, we blame ourselves and, then, we try to fix him. We try to control how he\u2019s going to work on this addiction. So, when we\u2019ve dealt with all of those things, we\u2019re in a much better position to behave in a forgiving manner toward our husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You still have to love your enemies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible says that\u2014you have to show mercy. You have to give a blessing in return for evil. These are all things that\u2014whether we talk about forgiveness in a transactional vein, as you [Vicki] talk about it \/ or just giving up the right to punish, as you [Dennis] talk about it\u2014even if we say, \u201cHe\u2019s got to be ready to repent before I can forgive him,\u201d you still have to bless him, you still have to pray for him, you still have to not speak evil against him. There are a lot of commands in Scripture about how you are to live out with the one who you are opposed to in that moment; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. I talk a lot about not behaving in a vengeful manner\u2014vengeance isn\u2019t for the wife. That\u2019s not going to encourage healing in the relationship whatsoever. Undeserved forgiveness makes you look more like Jesus. There may be a time\u2014there are some women who feel like this isn\u2019t deserved \/ he\u2019s not sorry enough about this\u2014and yet, that\u2019s not for you to determine. If he\u2019s coming to you and he\u2019s asking for forgiveness, then that\u2019s when you have to grant that. The thing is\u2014this is an addiction\u2014so there are going to be slips or relapses. A relapse is, I think, a full-throttle doing it all again; but a slip is a slight lapse in progress. You\u2019re going to have those happen. You\u2019re going to have to learn, sometimes, to have daily forgiveness when there is a slip or an indiscretion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Healing and restoration doesn\u2019t occur in a vacuum. We said it earlier in this broadcast\u2014you\u2019re not going to be able to handle a crisis like this alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to be surrounded by other men who become accountability partners with your husband. You have to be surrounded with godly counsel for the wife, who is being coached and encouraged, at points, where there is a slip. There\u2019s wisdom to provide grace, and get back up, and stay on the journey because we are imperfect. We need that grace and forgiveness, first and foremost, from God\u2014but we don\u2019t live it out perfectly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki, I really appreciate your sharing your story, here, with our listeners. I think this devotional that you\u2019ve written for wives, who find themselves in a situation like this\u2014I think it\u2019s going to be really helpful to them to begin to process what they\u2019ve experienced and to help them become the women God wants them to be. Thanks for writing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think what you\u2019ve done in the book and, really, what you\u2019ve done, here today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is you\u2019ve given women a picture\u2014you\u2019ve coached them from your own experience and from what you\u2019ve learned from God\u2019s Word\u2014about how to respond to your husband\u2019s sin in a way that most honors God \/ that represents Christ to your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners\u2014if this is something that you are facing or if you know someone who is facing this kind of an issue, get a copy of Vicki\u2019s book, <em>When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can request a copy, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy of the book, <em>When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur hope is that whatever issues you face, as a couple\u2014whether it is pornography or any issue that comes your way\u2014you know how to press toward one another and pursue oneness in marriage\u2014how to confess \/ how to grant forgiveness\u2014things we talk about at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We try to provide couples there with practical biblical help for how to make a marriage work. We try to give couples hope, especially if your marriage is in a difficult spot. So whether you\u2019re in a good place in your marriage or whether you\u2019re facing challenges, why don\u2019t you plan to join us this spring at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you sign up this weekend\u2014this is the last opportunity you\u2019ve got to take advantage of the special offer we\u2019re making where you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of the special offer and get in touch with us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY to join us at a spring <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. Hope to see you there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we have to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for joining us. Hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family can worship together in church this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about real love\u2014not the hearts and the flowers \/ the romantic love\u2014I mean, that\u2019s good\u2014but we want to talk about the gritty kind of 1 Corinthians 13 love. Barbara Rainey will be here to help us talk about that. Hope you can join us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. 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