{"id":303836,"date":"2016-01-19T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-01-19T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/breaking-old-cycles\/"},"modified":"2016-01-19T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-01-19T17:00:00","slug":"breaking-old-cycles","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/breaking-old-cycles\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking Old Cycles"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Craig and Jen Ferguson | Series: Pure Eyes, Clean Heart | All of us bring some baggage into our marriage. It&#8217;s when we unpack it later that it causes harm to our unsuspecting spouse. Authors Craig and Jen Ferguson talk about their early years of marriage. Jen shares what it was that first began to alert her to a problem with her husband, like his absence in the middle of the night, or random pay per view charges on their cable bill. It was the lack of intimacy, however, that alarmed her the most. Find out what Jen uncovered about Craig that left her stunned and heartbroken.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Craig and Jen Ferguson talk about their early years of marriage. Jen shares what it was that first began to alert her to a problem with her husband. Find out what Jen uncovered about Craig that left her stunned and heartbroken.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-19.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.26M","filesize_raw":"26488014","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2840,2844],"tags":[5943,2872,2989],"podcast_series":[8123],"cwp_profile":[9418],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303836","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-pornography","tag-addicted-to-porn","tag-addiction","tag-pornography","podcast_series-pure-eyes-clean-heart","cwp_profile-craig-and-jen-ferguson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303836\/breaking-old-cycles","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303836\/breaking-old-cycles","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"b0JWAYXAGi\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/breaking-old-cycles\/\">Breaking Old Cycles<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/breaking-old-cycles\/embed\/#?secret=b0JWAYXAGi\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Breaking Old Cycles&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"b0JWAYXAGi\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had probably heard all your life: \u201cThis is just how guys are. Guys just\u2014they think about sex all the time.\u201d So after you\u2019re married, you have desire; your husband doesn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You had to be thinking, like a lot of wives today are thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Oh, for sure. I thought I was too fat, or I wasn\u2019t pretty enough, or I didn\u2019t have what it took. I think I couldn\u2019t adequately help him in the beginning because I thought the porn was about me \/ I thought that porn was about sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until God showed me that it\u2019s about <em>escape<\/em> and about not being able to deal with real life that I could separate myself from the addiction. I think we have society and media always telling us, as women, what we need to look like, and how it\u2019s our fault, and \u201cIf we just did this\u2026\u201d or \u201cIf we were more adventurous in bed\u2026\u201d or \u201cIf we got boob jobs\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026facelift\u2026\u201d or whatever\u2014<em>then<\/em>\u2014\u201c\u2026then our husbands would want us.\u201d It\u2019s just the biggest lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Dennis, we talk <em>regularly<\/em> to couples at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. In the last decade, more and more women have come up and said, \u201cMy husband\u2019s not interested.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You do have to wonder\u2014how many of those situations\u2014there\u2019s a hidden porn issue going on in their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right because it\u2019s really siphoning off some of the desire or the majority of the desire that would drive a husband and a wife to merge together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve asked many a wife: \u201cTell me about your husband\u2019s past pornographic behavior: How much has he been involved? What\u2019s taking place there?\u201d In many cases, the wife has a suspicion but nothing in terms of hard data or anything she\u2019s found. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took an experience with <em>you<\/em> on Mother\u2019s Day to ultimately catch him and find out the truth about what was taking place in his life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right. He said, \u201cFor Mother\u2019s Day, I want you to go treat yourself to a haircut.\u201d That was just like: \u201cOkay; yes. I\u2019m going to get in the car, and go to the salon, and I\u2019m going to spend 30 minutes in peace.\u201d [Laughter] I drove to the salon. There was a \u201cClosed\u201d sign on the door. I thought: \u201cOh, she\u2019s a new mom. Of course, she\u2019s going to shut down for Mother\u2019s Day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got back in the car, disappointed, and drove up to the house. I opened the front door, and Elmo is just blaring on the TV. My two-year-old daughter is doing her two-year-old thing\u2014dancing and singing to <em>Sesame Street<\/em>. I can hear my other daughter, in our bedroom, crying. She was about six months old. I was like, \u201cOh, Craig must be changing her diaper, or something like that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI come out of the bedroom, and I see the study door closed. That was like Rule #1 in our house of how to not be tempted to look at porn\u2014was, \u201cDon\u2019t ever be in the room with the door closed.\u201d So when I saw that closed door, I knew that he was looking at porn. Here I am, just shaking in front of the door; and I have Hannah in my arms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just opened it so fast because I want to catch him because I am so mad. I want to prove, \u201c<em>You<\/em> have betrayed me again!\u201d\u2014so \u201cThere it is, and I see it,\u201d\u2014I just lost it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI gave him the baby, and I went into the bathroom of our\u2014furthest I could get away from everyone. I just threw myself on the floor and I said: \u201cWhy? You knew from, when I was a little kid, I wanted to have a husband who <em>loved<\/em> me and who took care of me. Why did You think this was a good idea?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s just where I laid it all out\u2014spent, I don\u2019t know, a good ten minutes, just crying. Finally, I didn\u2019t have any more tears left. God just said, \u201cAre you ready to do this My way?\u201d I was like, \u201cWell, clearly, <em>all<\/em> of my ways have failed,\u201d because I had tried to control his every move and tried my best to keep him safe from pornography. I failed to do that, but it\u2019s because I wasn\u2019t meant to do that\u2014I wasn\u2019t meant to save him \/ I wasn\u2019t meant to tempt him away from porn\u2014that\u2019s not why God created me and not why I was his wife. God had to do that job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a role in helping, but I wasn\u2019t the savior. That day, I recognized who was really going to be the savior in the situation\u2014it wasn\u2019t me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>God hadn\u2019t made you to compete with pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He made you to be a helpmate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> \u2014and not a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> \u2014to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to a real man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take us to that room\u2014that closed door\u2014when the door burst open. What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You thought you had 30 minutes all to yourself; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes; yes. It <em>never<\/em> gets any easier listening to that. I was obviously shocked and, of course, ashamed. I mean, that shame\u2014it\u2019s still lingering there because I know the hurt that it caused. But God redeems all things, you know, and has done wonderful things through this experience we\u2019ve had with one another. But at that time, that was really a knife in the heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach time I got caught, it was like: \u201cOkay do I really have a handle on this? Do I not have a handle on this? What do I do? How do I fix <em>me<\/em>?\u201d because I always saw\u2014at that point, it was really\u2014it was an issue\u2014right?\u2014it was a <em>major<\/em>, <em>major<\/em> issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What were you thinking\u2014holding your daughter \/ six-month-old daughter, standing in that room\u2014you\u2019re hearing your wife yell and scream at God, slam the bathroom door, and just cry out? What\u2014what\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I felt so helpless. I really felt just so helpless and actually hopeless. I did not feel adequately prepared\u2014I didn\u2019t feel adequate enough <em>at all<\/em> for her or for the family, and I didn\u2019t really have an answer. I didn\u2019t have an answer to why I was that way and what I should do. I just felt really\u2014I remember feeling really empty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Because, at that point\u2014I just remembered\u2014there had been two times he had been caught. He had already been to counseling when that Mother\u2019s Day rolled around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019d already been to the therapist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really was\u2014when I was on the floor, I felt like I had truly exhausted all of my options. It just kind of goes to show that therapy isn\u2019t your savior, your wife isn\u2019t your savior, your willpower isn\u2019t your savior. Your only savior is Jesus Christ. He is the only one who can really free you from addiction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s something\u2014you write about it in your book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>, that I really want to underscore here. You have described two situations where <em>he<\/em> got caught\u2014where <em>he<\/em> had not come clean. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, the turning point in the relationship came when <em>he<\/em> came clean, when <em>he<\/em> repented, when <em>he<\/em> asked for forgiveness for hurting <em>you<\/em> deeply. Share that story with our listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean\u2014I guess the Mother\u2019s Day event was\u2014something broke inside of me. Like Jen\u2014where she was at the end of her rope\u2014I was at the end of mine. The next time it happened\u2014you know the definition of madness is doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, expecting a different result. I really felt like God saying to me: \u201cYou need to talk to her about this. You need to tell her what\u2019s going on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, in this particular case, you didn\u2019t get caught.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You just <em>failed<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes. It was going on. I\u2019m sure Jen had her suspicions; but she\u2019d never really, at that point, voiced them to me and said, \u201cHey, what\u2019s going on?\u201d\u2014right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d been married three or four years at this point\u2014five years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> It\u2019s probably six years, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> That actually happened while we were writing the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I had\u2014he was in the kitchen, getting his lunch ready for work. I would always ask him periodically: \u201cSo, how are you doing with the porn thing? Is there anything I can help you with? Are you\u2026\u201d because one of the triggers is that he would go internal. So if he would ever stop talking or if I saw him playing more video games, it was like red flags: \u201cSomething is happening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe\u2019s not sharing with me, and he\u2019s caving, and he wants to escape and not stick with reality.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we were writing the book, I was writing a chapter\u2014I asked him, \u201cSo what was the last time that you actually looked at porn?\u201d He got really quiet and he said, \u201cA couple of months ago when I was on a business trip, and it was in the hotel room, and I slipped.\u201d In that <em>moment<\/em>\u2014I mean, God is so good; right?\u2014because I had two choices. I could become stark raving mad again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> \u2014and here we are in this book process; right? Satan was right there\u2014like, \u201cWho do you think <em>you<\/em> are, writing a book about freedom from porn when your husband is still slipping up?\u201d or whatever. I wanted to be hurt, and I was hurt\u2014I wanted to be able to express my anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod just said, \u201cWhat you have just been offered is a gift because honesty\u2014 in bringing our faults, and our failures, and our sins to light\u2014is <em>always<\/em> a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou have a choice\u2014you can reject the gift or you can receive the gift\u2014but know this\u2014if you choose to reject the gift, you will <em>never<\/em> get it back.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew, at that moment, that how I handled that first confession had repercussions for the rest of our marriage. If I ever wanted him to ever feel I was a safe person, where he could admit his failures, this was the time to do it. It really was a very freeing thing\u2014to be able to receive his confession, and embrace it, and offer forgiveness. Then, I gave all that anger that I was feeling to God and said, \u201cOkay help me process this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, I was going to say you had to push past pain and anger to get to where you got to. It\u2019s not like you were able to just go, \u201cOh, I\u2019m so glad you shared,\u201d and weren\u2019t feeling anything\u2014you felt betrayed in that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right. It brought up all of the past betrayals too. God had to just say: \u201c<em>Stay<\/em> in the moment. <em>Stay<\/em> in the moment.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what I think is so valuable in having an intimate personal relationship with Jesus\u2014is He can interrupt our thought, just like that and say, \u201cOkay; look at My face, look in My eyes, follow Me in this,\u201d so that we don\u2019t give in to our own fleshy desires.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have to tell you\u2014when I read that story in your book, I thought of our listeners\u2014not just one or two either\u2014I thought of our listeners, whether they be wives or husbands, who have a spouse who confesses a sin and how you respond to that. What you demonstrate\u2014I thought: \u201cWhat a magnificent model of how God responds to us. He does not cast us away when we come to Him, broken, with a contrite heart\u2014one saying: \u2018God I\u2019ve done it again. I\u2019ve fouled up,\u2019 but we come repenting \/ we come offering the fruits of repentance\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014wanting to make things right, knowing you\u2019re not going to do it perfectly, going forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But your model\u2014I just have to tell you\u2014I just thought\u2014I thought, \u201cWhat a privilege to feature this story just for that moment,\u201d because I feel like the maturity you exhibited, as a woman, is the kind of maturity\u2014whether you\u2019re a woman or a man\u2014in a marriage relationship, it is needed. It\u2019s needed <em>multiple<\/em> times. Marriage is between two <em>broken<\/em> people for goodness sakes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And they\u2019re going to foul up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014multiple times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the issue is\u2014we\u2019ve got to know what we do when we do foul up because you\u2019re right\u2014we\u2019re going to\u2014we\u2019re going to sin against each other \/ we are going to mess up in marriage. \u201cDo we know what to do and how to get back on the path toward oneness when that happens?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s really what\u2019s at the heart of what we talk to couples about at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this is our 40th anniversary as a ministry. We\u2019re hoping, this spring\u2014that listeners, who have thought about coming to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> but have just never done it\u2014we\u2019re hoping that you\u2019ll come join us for a fun, relaxing, romantic getaway weekend at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> weekend getaways. We\u2019re going to be hosting these in dozens of cities all across the country this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, this week, if you sign up to attend an upcoming getaway, you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of the special offer\u2014it expires on Sunday. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register for an upcoming event. Or call if you have any questions or you\u2019d like to register over the phone\u20141-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure, when you\u2019re online, that you look for information about the book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>, by Craig and Jen Ferguson. It\u2019s a book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, speaking of anniversaries: \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to our friends, Wayne and Ginger Farrens. They are <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. They\u2019ve been married for 17 years. They have attended <em>nine<\/em> <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways. In fact, this is one of the couples who make the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> happen in their home city. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to them on their 17<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I\u2019ve mentioned, this is our 40th anniversary as a ministry. Let me just quickly say: \u201cThank you to those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. Your support of this ministry is part of what makes all these anniversaries happen every year. So thanks for being a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> team.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation in support of this ministry, go to FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more with Craig and Jen Ferguson about how you rebuild trust in a marriage once pornography has emerged as an issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.26M"],"filesize_raw":["26488014"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303836.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303836.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Jen Ferguson talk about their early years of marriage. Jen shares what it was that first began to alert her to a problem with her husband. Find out what Jen uncovered about Craig that left her stunned and heartbroken.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had probably heard all your life: \u201cThis is just how guys are. Guys just\u2014they think about sex all the time.\u201d So after you\u2019re married, you have desire; your husband doesn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You had to be thinking, like a lot of wives today are thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Oh, for sure. I thought I was too fat, or I wasn\u2019t pretty enough, or I didn\u2019t have what it took. I think I couldn\u2019t adequately help him in the beginning because I thought the porn was about me \/ I thought that porn was about sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until God showed me that it\u2019s about <em>escape<\/em> and about not being able to deal with real life that I could separate myself from the addiction. I think we have society and media always telling us, as women, what we need to look like, and how it\u2019s our fault, and \u201cIf we just did this\u2026\u201d or \u201cIf we were more adventurous in bed\u2026\u201d or \u201cIf we got boob jobs\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026facelift\u2026\u201d or whatever\u2014<em>then<\/em>\u2014\u201c\u2026then our husbands would want us.\u201d It\u2019s just the biggest lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Dennis, we talk <em>regularly<\/em> to couples at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. In the last decade, more and more women have come up and said, \u201cMy husband\u2019s not interested.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You do have to wonder\u2014how many of those situations\u2014there\u2019s a hidden porn issue going on in their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right because it\u2019s really siphoning off some of the desire or the majority of the desire that would drive a husband and a wife to merge together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve asked many a wife: \u201cTell me about your husband\u2019s past pornographic behavior: How much has he been involved? What\u2019s taking place there?\u201d In many cases, the wife has a suspicion but nothing in terms of hard data or anything she\u2019s found. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took an experience with <em>you<\/em> on Mother\u2019s Day to ultimately catch him and find out the truth about what was taking place in his life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right. He said, \u201cFor Mother\u2019s Day, I want you to go treat yourself to a haircut.\u201d That was just like: \u201cOkay; yes. I\u2019m going to get in the car, and go to the salon, and I\u2019m going to spend 30 minutes in peace.\u201d [Laughter] I drove to the salon. There was a \u201cClosed\u201d sign on the door. I thought: \u201cOh, she\u2019s a new mom. Of course, she\u2019s going to shut down for Mother\u2019s Day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got back in the car, disappointed, and drove up to the house. I opened the front door, and Elmo is just blaring on the TV. My two-year-old daughter is doing her two-year-old thing\u2014dancing and singing to <em>Sesame Street<\/em>. I can hear my other daughter, in our bedroom, crying. She was about six months old. I was like, \u201cOh, Craig must be changing her diaper, or something like that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI come out of the bedroom, and I see the study door closed. That was like Rule #1 in our house of how to not be tempted to look at porn\u2014was, \u201cDon\u2019t ever be in the room with the door closed.\u201d So when I saw that closed door, I knew that he was looking at porn. Here I am, just shaking in front of the door; and I have Hannah in my arms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just opened it so fast because I want to catch him because I am so mad. I want to prove, \u201c<em>You<\/em> have betrayed me again!\u201d\u2014so \u201cThere it is, and I see it,\u201d\u2014I just lost it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI gave him the baby, and I went into the bathroom of our\u2014furthest I could get away from everyone. I just threw myself on the floor and I said: \u201cWhy? You knew from, when I was a little kid, I wanted to have a husband who <em>loved<\/em> me and who took care of me. Why did You think this was a good idea?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s just where I laid it all out\u2014spent, I don\u2019t know, a good ten minutes, just crying. Finally, I didn\u2019t have any more tears left. God just said, \u201cAre you ready to do this My way?\u201d I was like, \u201cWell, clearly, <em>all<\/em> of my ways have failed,\u201d because I had tried to control his every move and tried my best to keep him safe from pornography. I failed to do that, but it\u2019s because I wasn\u2019t meant to do that\u2014I wasn\u2019t meant to save him \/ I wasn\u2019t meant to tempt him away from porn\u2014that\u2019s not why God created me and not why I was his wife. God had to do that job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a role in helping, but I wasn\u2019t the savior. That day, I recognized who was really going to be the savior in the situation\u2014it wasn\u2019t me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>God hadn\u2019t made you to compete with pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He made you to be a helpmate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> \u2014and not a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> \u2014to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to a real man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take us to that room\u2014that closed door\u2014when the door burst open. What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You thought you had 30 minutes all to yourself; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes; yes. It <em>never<\/em> gets any easier listening to that. I was obviously shocked and, of course, ashamed. I mean, that shame\u2014it\u2019s still lingering there because I know the hurt that it caused. But God redeems all things, you know, and has done wonderful things through this experience we\u2019ve had with one another. But at that time, that was really a knife in the heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach time I got caught, it was like: \u201cOkay do I really have a handle on this? Do I not have a handle on this? What do I do? How do I fix <em>me<\/em>?\u201d because I always saw\u2014at that point, it was really\u2014it was an issue\u2014right?\u2014it was a <em>major<\/em>, <em>major<\/em> issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What were you thinking\u2014holding your daughter \/ six-month-old daughter, standing in that room\u2014you\u2019re hearing your wife yell and scream at God, slam the bathroom door, and just cry out? What\u2014what\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I felt so helpless. I really felt just so helpless and actually hopeless. I did not feel adequately prepared\u2014I didn\u2019t feel adequate enough <em>at all<\/em> for her or for the family, and I didn\u2019t really have an answer. I didn\u2019t have an answer to why I was that way and what I should do. I just felt really\u2014I remember feeling really empty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Because, at that point\u2014I just remembered\u2014there had been two times he had been caught. He had already been to counseling when that Mother\u2019s Day rolled around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019d already been to the therapist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really was\u2014when I was on the floor, I felt like I had truly exhausted all of my options. It just kind of goes to show that therapy isn\u2019t your savior, your wife isn\u2019t your savior, your willpower isn\u2019t your savior. Your only savior is Jesus Christ. He is the only one who can really free you from addiction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s something\u2014you write about it in your book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>, that I really want to underscore here. You have described two situations where <em>he<\/em> got caught\u2014where <em>he<\/em> had not come clean. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, the turning point in the relationship came when <em>he<\/em> came clean, when <em>he<\/em> repented, when <em>he<\/em> asked for forgiveness for hurting <em>you<\/em> deeply. Share that story with our listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean\u2014I guess the Mother\u2019s Day event was\u2014something broke inside of me. Like Jen\u2014where she was at the end of her rope\u2014I was at the end of mine. The next time it happened\u2014you know the definition of madness is doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, expecting a different result. I really felt like God saying to me: \u201cYou need to talk to her about this. You need to tell her what\u2019s going on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, in this particular case, you didn\u2019t get caught.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You just <em>failed<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes. It was going on. I\u2019m sure Jen had her suspicions; but she\u2019d never really, at that point, voiced them to me and said, \u201cHey, what\u2019s going on?\u201d\u2014right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d been married three or four years at this point\u2014five years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> It\u2019s probably six years, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> That actually happened while we were writing the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I had\u2014he was in the kitchen, getting his lunch ready for work. I would always ask him periodically: \u201cSo, how are you doing with the porn thing? Is there anything I can help you with? Are you\u2026\u201d because one of the triggers is that he would go internal. So if he would ever stop talking or if I saw him playing more video games, it was like red flags: \u201cSomething is happening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe\u2019s not sharing with me, and he\u2019s caving, and he wants to escape and not stick with reality.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we were writing the book, I was writing a chapter\u2014I asked him, \u201cSo what was the last time that you actually looked at porn?\u201d He got really quiet and he said, \u201cA couple of months ago when I was on a business trip, and it was in the hotel room, and I slipped.\u201d In that <em>moment<\/em>\u2014I mean, God is so good; right?\u2014because I had two choices. I could become stark raving mad again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> \u2014and here we are in this book process; right? Satan was right there\u2014like, \u201cWho do you think <em>you<\/em> are, writing a book about freedom from porn when your husband is still slipping up?\u201d or whatever. I wanted to be hurt, and I was hurt\u2014I wanted to be able to express my anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod just said, \u201cWhat you have just been offered is a gift because honesty\u2014 in bringing our faults, and our failures, and our sins to light\u2014is <em>always<\/em> a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou have a choice\u2014you can reject the gift or you can receive the gift\u2014but know this\u2014if you choose to reject the gift, you will <em>never<\/em> get it back.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew, at that moment, that how I handled that first confession had repercussions for the rest of our marriage. If I ever wanted him to ever feel I was a safe person, where he could admit his failures, this was the time to do it. It really was a very freeing thing\u2014to be able to receive his confession, and embrace it, and offer forgiveness. Then, I gave all that anger that I was feeling to God and said, \u201cOkay help me process this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, I was going to say you had to push past pain and anger to get to where you got to. It\u2019s not like you were able to just go, \u201cOh, I\u2019m so glad you shared,\u201d and weren\u2019t feeling anything\u2014you felt betrayed in that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right. It brought up all of the past betrayals too. God had to just say: \u201c<em>Stay<\/em> in the moment. <em>Stay<\/em> in the moment.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what I think is so valuable in having an intimate personal relationship with Jesus\u2014is He can interrupt our thought, just like that and say, \u201cOkay; look at My face, look in My eyes, follow Me in this,\u201d so that we don\u2019t give in to our own fleshy desires.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have to tell you\u2014when I read that story in your book, I thought of our listeners\u2014not just one or two either\u2014I thought of our listeners, whether they be wives or husbands, who have a spouse who confesses a sin and how you respond to that. What you demonstrate\u2014I thought: \u201cWhat a magnificent model of how God responds to us. He does not cast us away when we come to Him, broken, with a contrite heart\u2014one saying: \u2018God I\u2019ve done it again. I\u2019ve fouled up,\u2019 but we come repenting \/ we come offering the fruits of repentance\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014wanting to make things right, knowing you\u2019re not going to do it perfectly, going forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But your model\u2014I just have to tell you\u2014I just thought\u2014I thought, \u201cWhat a privilege to feature this story just for that moment,\u201d because I feel like the maturity you exhibited, as a woman, is the kind of maturity\u2014whether you\u2019re a woman or a man\u2014in a marriage relationship, it is needed. It\u2019s needed <em>multiple<\/em> times. Marriage is between two <em>broken<\/em> people for goodness sakes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And they\u2019re going to foul up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014multiple times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the issue is\u2014we\u2019ve got to know what we do when we do foul up because you\u2019re right\u2014we\u2019re going to\u2014we\u2019re going to sin against each other \/ we are going to mess up in marriage. \u201cDo we know what to do and how to get back on the path toward oneness when that happens?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s really what\u2019s at the heart of what we talk to couples about at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this is our 40th anniversary as a ministry. We\u2019re hoping, this spring\u2014that listeners, who have thought about coming to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> but have just never done it\u2014we\u2019re hoping that you\u2019ll come join us for a fun, relaxing, romantic getaway weekend at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> weekend getaways. We\u2019re going to be hosting these in dozens of cities all across the country this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, this week, if you sign up to attend an upcoming getaway, you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of the special offer\u2014it expires on Sunday. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register for an upcoming event. Or call if you have any questions or you\u2019d like to register over the phone\u20141-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure, when you\u2019re online, that you look for information about the book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>, by Craig and Jen Ferguson. It\u2019s a book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, speaking of anniversaries: \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to our friends, Wayne and Ginger Farrens. They are <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. They\u2019ve been married for 17 years. They have attended <em>nine<\/em> <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways. In fact, this is one of the couples who make the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> happen in their home city. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d to them on their 17<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I\u2019ve mentioned, this is our 40th anniversary as a ministry. Let me just quickly say: \u201cThank you to those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. Your support of this ministry is part of what makes all these anniversaries happen every year. So thanks for being a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> team.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation in support of this ministry, go to FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more with Craig and Jen Ferguson about how you rebuild trust in a marriage once pornography has emerged as an issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303836"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303836"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303836"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303836"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}