{"id":303834,"date":"2016-01-18T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-01-18T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/exposing-the-darkness\/"},"modified":"2016-01-18T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-01-18T17:00:00","slug":"exposing-the-darkness","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/exposing-the-darkness\/","title":{"rendered":"Exposing the Darkness"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Craig and Jen Ferguson talk about their dating years. Jen asked Craig back then\u00a0if he viewed porn, and Craig admitted that he did, but what guy didn&#8217;t? Little did she know that his response would later come back to haunt her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.75M","filesize_raw":"28045601","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2840,2844],"tags":[5943,2872,2989],"podcast_series":[8123],"cwp_profile":[9418],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303834","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-pornography","tag-addicted-to-porn","tag-addiction","tag-pornography","podcast_series-pure-eyes-clean-heart","cwp_profile-craig-and-jen-ferguson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303834\/exposing-the-darkness","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303834\/exposing-the-darkness","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"OtUeQsXIIk\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/exposing-the-darkness\/\">Exposing the Darkness<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/exposing-the-darkness\/embed\/#?secret=OtUeQsXIIk\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Exposing the Darkness&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"OtUeQsXIIk\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Although Jen Ferguson didn\u2019t realize it, her husband Craig had an on again \/ off again relationship with pornography during the early years of their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>We would go through cycles. Sometimes I would go months without looking at it and\u2014it did\u2014there was never a sustained\u2014like years, and years, and years of looking at it every single day\u2014very cyclical. But what I was doing at the time\u2014I didn\u2019t recognize it at the time\u2014was I was really trying to fill the hole that God was trying to fill with things of my own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, January 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear on today\u2019s program about the purity wake-up call that Craig Ferguson received. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. We\u2019re going to look at a challenging subject for marriages today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, just real quickly if I can, Dennis, remind our regular listeners about the special offer that FamilyLife is making this week. It\u2019s the last week for you to sign up [at the special rate] for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway\u2014one of our spring getaways. If you sign up this week\u2014and you pay the regular price for yourself\u2014your spouse comes free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, a reminder that you can get away with your spouse for a fun romantic weekend away together\u2014one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways, where you can relax, and refresh, and spend time focusing on your marriage. You can take advantage of some savings if you sign up this week. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for the information there about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> special offer, or call if you have any questions\u20141-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve got a courageous couple joining us today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We do. I think the husband should have known he had married a courageous woman when they were dating because of a question she asked him, right out of the\u2014right out of the gate. I\u2019m not going to tell our listeners what the question was\u2014I\u2019ll let Jen Ferguson do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCraig and Jen Ferguson do join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Thank you for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Craig and Jen live in Austin, Texas. We checked their passports as they came out of Texas into Arkansas. [Laughter] Let them in the country up here\u2014it\u2019s all good. They check mine, going the other way, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course they do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course they do. So why not do that for them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey have two girls and a couple of dogs you describe in your book as \u201chigh maintenance dogs.\u201d I thought all cats and dogs were high maintenance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> The oldest one is a German shorthaired pointer which\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019re familiar with that breed\u2014but they require a <em>lot<\/em> of activity\u2014a lot of activity. We walk every morning. If we don\u2019t walk him every morning, then\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014he walks you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Exactly. Jennifer lets me know about it: \u201cYou need to take care of this dog. He\u2019s driving me crazy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; okay. They have written a book called <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart: A Couple\u2019s Journey to Freedom from Pornography<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJen, you\u2014it wasn\u2019t the first date, I don\u2019t think; but since he asked you to marry him \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t11 days after you first met, it had to be an early date\u2014I mean, whenever it was; right? You asked him a question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right, I did. The question was: \u201cHave you ever looked at porn?\u201d I can\u2019t remember what made me ask that\u2014I don\u2019t know if we were watching a movie or if I\u2019d read something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just thought, you know: \u201cHere we are\u2014about to get married. I want to know: \u2018Is there anybody else that I\u2019m competing with?\u2019\u201d\u2014like: \u201c\u2019Am I really going to have you to myself?\u2019 Since we\u2019re going to get married, I just want to know that nobody else is going to ever enter the picture.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis response was, \u201cSure, every guy does; but it\u2019s not a problem because now I have you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just want to say, at the beginning\u2014I want to applaud you asking that question. Now, that was back in what?\u20141999? \/ 2000?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014when you asked that question of him when you started dating? I just think it <em>needs<\/em> to be asked\u2014I think by both the bride-to-be and by the <em>father<\/em> of the bride\u2014of a young man who\u2019s about to be given his daughter in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Shouldn\u2019t you expect, if you\u2019re going to ask the question, that you\u2019re probably going to get a young man who says, \u2018Yes,\u2019? I mean, Craig\u2019s answer: \u201cYes, but it\u2019s not a problem.\u201d That was enough to satisfy Jen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCraig, you were\u2014were you, in your mind, were you telling the truth when you said, \u201cYes, but it\u2019s not a problem,\u201d or were you just doing a snow job?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes, in my mind, I didn\u2019t really understand, at that point, the depth of the control that it had over my life. I still believed, at that point, \u201cWell, I\u2019m about to get married,\u201d and \u201cI won\u2019t have to worry about it anymore because I\u2019ll have a wife, and I can have sex anytime I want to.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So you took his words at point blank, just for what they were. You described that you put them in a shoe box. I thought that was an interesting description, but I think it\u2019s a good one\u2014the tendency of an engaged couple is to really trivialize issues and problems because your emotions are winning the day\u2014you think love can conquer all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your case, did you consciously have that picture in your mind of putting his experience with pornography and other women in a shoebox? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right. I mean, I really thought: \u201cOkay; we\u2019ve dealt with this issue. It\u2019s shelved. We shouldn\u2019t ever have to open it up again,\u201d\u2014like it\u2019s stored\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s part of his past and is always going to be part of his past, but we don\u2019t have to open it again because it\u2019s in the past.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You two have two daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your daughters are going to become young ladies\u2014their late teens \/ early 20s\u2014and they\u2019re going to fall in love, more than likely, with a young man. What would you advise them to say and to do in a similar situation to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I think I\u2014both of our girls now know what pornography is because we wrote the book. We knew we would have books lying around the house\u2014we didn\u2019t want them to hear what it was from anyone but us. They know a very sheltered version\u2014that this is something that is a really hard thing to deal with\u2014so we want to stay away from these images because this is not what God intended for women to be treated like and this is not how God designed marriage or sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLikewise, they know what sex is too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, because they know our story, they will feel empowered to not just take the guy\u2019s word for it\u2014that \u201cYes; sure I\u2019ve looked at porn. Every guy does it. It is okay,\u201d or \u201cI won\u2019t do it again,\u201d or whatever. I guarantee you that we will have conversations with this man [Laughter] because of our story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I see you looking at your husband, going, \u201c<em>You better believe we\u2019re going to have these conversations<\/em>!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Craig, what would you say? What would be the conversations you\u2019re going to have with your daughters <em>and <\/em>with the young man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Jen\u2019s right. We started this conversation early because it does impact both the husband and the wife in very different ways. We\u2019ve tried to explain to them how the world views people and how God views people\u2014teaching them the difference\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in how to engage with the world in a Christian manner versus listening to what the world is saying. Pornography is a corruption of what God intended\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> \u2014right? They\u2019re already experiencing that now, at their age, where they have conversations with other girls or even guys, where it\u2019s not what God had intended.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we want to communicate to them and educate them <em>now<\/em>\u2014starting now\u2014is that, by the time they get to that age, they already have a good understanding of who they are, who God made them, and that they\u2019re not looking for someone else to fill that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t understand how to look at God as my real father. That\u2019s a big hole that men have in their lives. I was filling it with anything I could possibly fill it with, and pornography was a <em>really<\/em> easy choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That started early from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your first exposure to pornography came when you were still in elementary school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Well, I\u2019m going to move this from theory to a knock of the door. [Knocking]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The Ferguson household. It is a 24\/25-year-old young man who said, \u201cMr. Ferguson, I\u2019ve come to ask for your daughter\u2019s hand in marriage.\u201d After you both choke it down and have the realization that this is now game time, I want to know\u2014I just want to know how you would approach that young man\u2014what you would ask him and what you might say to him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tObviously, we don\u2019t have time on this broadcast to get into <em>everything<\/em>\u2014but around this issue right here, pornography\u2014because, as Bob said earlier, most likely the young man probably has been impacted by pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes. I mean, honestly, I really hope that\u2019s not the first time I\u2019ve met this individual. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, yes\u2014I hope not too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You won\u2019t ask him, the first time you meet him, the same question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> No, but I do want to get to <em>know<\/em> him because I want to have a relationship with my future son-in-law. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t have a son myself; so that individual \/ those individuals will become my son. I want to be able to know them in a way that a father would know their son. I want to know what their hopes and dreams are, what they like \/ what they don\u2019t like. And I want to know about their past because their past definitely impacts how they interact with my family and how they\u2019re going to build their own family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s going to be a really good conversation, but it will be a lot of intimate-type questions that he may or may not be used to answering. It\u2019s really important to me to know him in a way that\u2014besides just, \u201cOkay; yes. Go ahead and marry my daughter,\u201d \u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Or, \u201cCan you just provide for her financially?\u201d or \u201cCan you give her a lifestyle that she\u2019s accustomed to?\u201d Like none of that really matters if, at the heart, he doesn\u2019t know Jesus and doesn\u2019t know how to love her well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve had a couple of these conversations, and I love where you started because that\u2019s where I attempted to start as well. Start with the relationship, and you work your way through some relatively safe conversations. But when he does come asking for her hand, at that point, you really do want to find out: \u201cWhere is this young man, spiritually? What\u2019s his capacity to relate to another man?\u2014and to my daughter?\u201d Then you\u2019ve got to find out: \u201cWhat is the past? What has taken place?\u201d Have an honest conversation that maybe ends up sharing some of your own experiences with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You will probably\u2014in the development of that relationship\u2014say, \u201cYou ought to know a little bit about our story,\u201d and maybe hand them a copy of the book you\u2019ve written, <em>Pure Eyes Clean Heart<\/em>, and say: \u201cTake this home and read this. It\u2019ll give you some background into what we went through.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking with Craig and Jen Ferguson, the authors of the book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014about your own journey in this issue related to pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCraig\u2014for you, it began when you were in elementary school; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes, I was\u2014sixth grade when I first was exposed to it. I can say that it was a friend of mine that had a father that had a subscription to a pornographic magazine. Like most kids\u2014boys of that age\u2014I spent a lot of time in the woods. I didn\u2019t grow up watching a lot of TV; I spent a lot of time outside. He brought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the magazines.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> \u2014the magazines, yes, into the woods. That was my first exposure to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you look back on that and think: \u201cSomething really clicked that day\u2014like a switch got flipped in my head to where I was just really just drawn into this,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I think it was more of a curiosity, at that age. If you think about it, developmentally, it\u2019s right about that time where boys start to really notice girls in a different way other than, \u201cHey, there are these other kids that are in my class,\u201d\u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had\u2014I have a younger sister\u2014we\u2019re 18 months apart. I grew up around girls; but I don\u2019t think it necessarily flipped the switch at that point. I think that when I started to hit puberty, and I was still exposed to it, it was kind of shaping, if you will, kind of my view of the female, and female body, and what sexuality was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was not that long after you were exposed to pornography that you started experimenting with sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. I was in seventh grade.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a pretty quick track to be on if, in seventh grade, you are already experimenting, sexually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You found other pornographic magazines at your grandfather\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here it is in your family. That had to have kind of an interesting impact, I think, on a young man. How old were you at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I was probably early high school at that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Thinking about your grandfather\u2014had a stash hidden\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014in a filing cabinet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You would go help yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you just thinking, \u201cThis is just what guys do,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Part of it was just the excitement of doing something clandestine\u2014you know what I mean\u2014like it was secretive. I\u2019m sure that was a draw as well. I remember kind of feeling somewhat excited about, \u201cAm I going to get caught or not get caught?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; I knew where it was. It was readily available to me\u2014whether it was from there\u2014or I have friends who have older brothers, and they were in college at the time. They were in fraternities\u2014it was available.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there any sense of shame, guilt, or remorse as you were exposed to pornography or as you were acting out, sexually, in middle school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Initially, no; but as I got older and, I think, more mature in my faith\u2014I began to recognize, especially in high school, that this was not what God wanted me to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was definitely a separation from what I knew was the right thing to do versus what my desire was. I knew it was not right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere would be these cycles of engaging in pornography and then going through repentance, and then going through pornography and going through\u2014that would cycle through\u2014even into our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s interesting that you used the term \u201ceven as I was maturing as a Christian.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Struggling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The reality is\u2014all of us should be in the process of becoming mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And all of us are struggling with one or multiple issues in our lives. We live in a fallen world. Our own propensity to sin is still there, and Christ calls us away from that to follow Him. You just had very real struggles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you ever have anyone who had a spiritual mindset that ever had a conversation with you about what was taking place in your life?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014a youth pastor?\u2014an older man in your life?\u2014your dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I never really shared what was going on with anybody at that time\u2014with the struggles with pornography. That didn\u2019t happen until later on in my life\u2014I was an adult, and I was married. I never really engaged with my pastor or my youth leader and said, \u201cHey, I\u2019m struggling with this,\u201d <em>at all<\/em> until much later in life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I talked to a young man, once, who told me that he attended a Christian school. He said, \u201cI loved basketball, but there were days I skipped basketball practice to go look at porn.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t every day\u2014it wasn\u2019t that kind of a compulsion\u2014but there did seem to be this kind of reoccurring, \u201cIt\u2019s been a while,\u201d and he\u2019s drawn back. What was your frequency of looking at porn when you were in middle school and high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>It would go through cycles. Sometimes, I would go months without looking at it. Then it would\u2014it could be every day or several times a day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was never a sustained\u2014like years, and years, and years of looking at it every single day\u2014it\u2019s very cyclical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Kind of binge and fast?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes. It really was almost like binge\u2014yes; exactly. I think \u201cbinge\u201d is a really good term for it. What I was doing at the time\u2014I was really trying to fill what God was trying to fill with things of my own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And as you were maturing in your faith, and starting to feel a sense of guilt and some remorse about what was going on, you probably had this same cycle of\u2014you\u2019d look, you\u2019d feel guilty, you\u2019d confess, you\u2019d say, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that again,\u201d and you\u2019d go on this period, where you think, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got this.\u201d Then, all of a sudden, something would flip the trigger and you\u2019d be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you figure out <em>then<\/em> what was flipping the trigger, or did you even pay any attention to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>That was interesting\u2014I never really was cognizant enough in that cycle \/ in that addiction to really understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until we actually started writing this book where I was really trying to prayerfully think back on my life from the very beginning of my engagement in pornography and seeing some of the commonalities that were happening that it began to surface. God was showing, \u201cHey, here\u2019s what was going on in your life at that time; and here\u2019s what was drawing you into it,\u201d that I was able to actually know what those were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jen, if the first time you asked your fianc\u00e9, \u201cHave you ever looked at porn?\u201d\u2014if Craig had said to you: \u201cWell, as a matter of fact, I was first exposed when I was 12 years old. I\u2019ve had these cycles that I\u2019ve gone through in junior high and senior high,\u201d and \u201cI was sexually active, and I\u2019m trying to get a handle on it; but I stumble from time to time,\u201d\u2014would you have said, \u201cOkay; see ya!\u201d or what do you think you would have done?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I am a really loyal person. I have just the kind of personality that will stick with it no matter what. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for him to offer an invitation to a dialogue and a conversation\u2014I think it would have\u2014I mean, I think our road would have been a lot easier\u2014still hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It would have been rally time for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You would have seen that as an opportunity for you to come alongside your man, saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to <em>love<\/em> this out of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to go back to the question that you were asking them about a 25-year-old knocking at the door and saying, \u201cI\u2019d like to marry your daughter.\u201d If you\u2019re the dad in that situation, and you sit down with the young man, and he comes clean\u2014says: \u201cThis has been my pattern\u2014junior high, senior high, college\u2014I\u2019ve struggled with this. Tried to get a handle on it \/ haven\u2019t been able to, but I\u2019m counting on marriage being what\u2019s going to help me get over this.\u201d What would you <em>say<\/em> and how would you advise your daughter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve got to go back to what I feel like Craig did such a great job of at the beginning. First of all, establish a relationship because you don\u2019t know where this thing is going to go\u2014he may become your son-in-law\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014therefore, a son. So you need to have a relationship with him and keep that bridge firmly in place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to have had your own understanding, from the Bible, of what it teaches about forgiveness, about grace, about mercy, about your own brokenness and your own need for forgiveness in your relationship with God, and be ready to display it to another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think all these things just demand that a dad and a mom of a young lady and a young man, together, work through these issues and not minimize them. On the other hand, don\u2019t panic \/ don\u2019t freak out; but realize that marriage is for keeps, and you need to help this couple prepare for what will be a reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to hear more of this story, a little later on, of what Jen had to deal with as a result of this. This wasn\u2019t a quick fix. This is not a matter of flipping a switch and moving past it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think these are the assignments today for daddies and for mommies\u2014first of all, as they\u2019re preparing their kids for that moment\u2014but secondly, when a young man does come [Knocking] and knock at the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You guys do <em>such<\/em> a good job in your book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>, of helping couples, not only by sharing your story, but by sharing what you\u2019ve learned from Scripture about how to process this issue in a marriage relationship. I\u2019d just encourage couples\u2014if this has been an issue that has come to light in your marriage, it would be good for the two of you, together, to read through the book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>. We\u2019ve got it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and order your copy from us by phone. Again, the website is: FamilyLifeToday.com; and our toll-free number is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800-358-6329\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also remind our listeners about the special offer we\u2019re making this week as we want to encourage you to join us, this spring, at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. It\u2019s a fun getaway weekend for couples, where we talk straight about God\u2019s design for marriage and help you understand the biblical blueprints for the marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up this week, you pay for yourself at the regular rate and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of the special buy one \/ get one free offer and come at half price. Go online for more information. You can register, online, if you\u2019d like at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. Just mention that you\u2019re interested in the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We can answer any questions you have or get you registered for the event.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of getaways\u2014I want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d today to Chad and Amy Kinnett. They live in Billings, Montana. This is their 13<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary today\u201413 years of marriage for the Kinnetts. They have attended <em>three<\/em> <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways in their first 13 years of marriage. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d on your wedding anniversary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are all about anniversaries, here at FamilyLife\u2014we are \u201cThe Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries. In fact, this is our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary as a ministry\u20142016 marks 40 years that <em>FamilyLife<\/em> has been doing ministry. We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who make all that we do, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, possible. We appreciate your support. We\u2019re listener-supported, and your donations are what make this ministry happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate by going to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us again tomorrow when we continue our conversation with Craig and Jen Ferguson about pursuing purity in a marriage after sinful patterns have been exposed and confessed. Hope you can join us again for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.75M"],"filesize_raw":["28045601"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303834.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303834.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Jen Ferguson talk about their dating years. Jen asked Craig back then\u00a0if he viewed porn, and Craig admitted that he did, but what guy didn't? Little did she know that his response would later come back to haunt her.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Although Jen Ferguson didn\u2019t realize it, her husband Craig had an on again \/ off again relationship with pornography during the early years of their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>We would go through cycles. Sometimes I would go months without looking at it and\u2014it did\u2014there was never a sustained\u2014like years, and years, and years of looking at it every single day\u2014very cyclical. But what I was doing at the time\u2014I didn\u2019t recognize it at the time\u2014was I was really trying to fill the hole that God was trying to fill with things of my own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, January 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear on today\u2019s program about the purity wake-up call that Craig Ferguson received. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. We\u2019re going to look at a challenging subject for marriages today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, just real quickly if I can, Dennis, remind our regular listeners about the special offer that FamilyLife is making this week. It\u2019s the last week for you to sign up [at the special rate] for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway\u2014one of our spring getaways. If you sign up this week\u2014and you pay the regular price for yourself\u2014your spouse comes free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, a reminder that you can get away with your spouse for a fun romantic weekend away together\u2014one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways, where you can relax, and refresh, and spend time focusing on your marriage. You can take advantage of some savings if you sign up this week. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for the information there about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> special offer, or call if you have any questions\u20141-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve got a courageous couple joining us today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We do. I think the husband should have known he had married a courageous woman when they were dating because of a question she asked him, right out of the\u2014right out of the gate. I\u2019m not going to tell our listeners what the question was\u2014I\u2019ll let Jen Ferguson do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCraig and Jen Ferguson do join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Thank you for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Craig and Jen live in Austin, Texas. We checked their passports as they came out of Texas into Arkansas. [Laughter] Let them in the country up here\u2014it\u2019s all good. They check mine, going the other way, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course they do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course they do. So why not do that for them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey have two girls and a couple of dogs you describe in your book as \u201chigh maintenance dogs.\u201d I thought all cats and dogs were high maintenance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> The oldest one is a German shorthaired pointer which\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019re familiar with that breed\u2014but they require a <em>lot<\/em> of activity\u2014a lot of activity. We walk every morning. If we don\u2019t walk him every morning, then\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014he walks you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Exactly. Jennifer lets me know about it: \u201cYou need to take care of this dog. He\u2019s driving me crazy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay; okay. They have written a book called <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart: A Couple\u2019s Journey to Freedom from Pornography<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJen, you\u2014it wasn\u2019t the first date, I don\u2019t think; but since he asked you to marry him \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t11 days after you first met, it had to be an early date\u2014I mean, whenever it was; right? You asked him a question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right, I did. The question was: \u201cHave you ever looked at porn?\u201d I can\u2019t remember what made me ask that\u2014I don\u2019t know if we were watching a movie or if I\u2019d read something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just thought, you know: \u201cHere we are\u2014about to get married. I want to know: \u2018Is there anybody else that I\u2019m competing with?\u2019\u201d\u2014like: \u201c\u2019Am I really going to have you to myself?\u2019 Since we\u2019re going to get married, I just want to know that nobody else is going to ever enter the picture.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis response was, \u201cSure, every guy does; but it\u2019s not a problem because now I have you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just want to say, at the beginning\u2014I want to applaud you asking that question. Now, that was back in what?\u20141999? \/ 2000?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014when you asked that question of him when you started dating? I just think it <em>needs<\/em> to be asked\u2014I think by both the bride-to-be and by the <em>father<\/em> of the bride\u2014of a young man who\u2019s about to be given his daughter in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Shouldn\u2019t you expect, if you\u2019re going to ask the question, that you\u2019re probably going to get a young man who says, \u2018Yes,\u2019? I mean, Craig\u2019s answer: \u201cYes, but it\u2019s not a problem.\u201d That was enough to satisfy Jen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCraig, you were\u2014were you, in your mind, were you telling the truth when you said, \u201cYes, but it\u2019s not a problem,\u201d or were you just doing a snow job?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes, in my mind, I didn\u2019t really understand, at that point, the depth of the control that it had over my life. I still believed, at that point, \u201cWell, I\u2019m about to get married,\u201d and \u201cI won\u2019t have to worry about it anymore because I\u2019ll have a wife, and I can have sex anytime I want to.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So you took his words at point blank, just for what they were. You described that you put them in a shoe box. I thought that was an interesting description, but I think it\u2019s a good one\u2014the tendency of an engaged couple is to really trivialize issues and problems because your emotions are winning the day\u2014you think love can conquer all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your case, did you consciously have that picture in your mind of putting his experience with pornography and other women in a shoebox? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Right. I mean, I really thought: \u201cOkay; we\u2019ve dealt with this issue. It\u2019s shelved. We shouldn\u2019t ever have to open it up again,\u201d\u2014like it\u2019s stored\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s part of his past and is always going to be part of his past, but we don\u2019t have to open it again because it\u2019s in the past.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You two have two daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your daughters are going to become young ladies\u2014their late teens \/ early 20s\u2014and they\u2019re going to fall in love, more than likely, with a young man. What would you advise them to say and to do in a similar situation to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I think I\u2014both of our girls now know what pornography is because we wrote the book. We knew we would have books lying around the house\u2014we didn\u2019t want them to hear what it was from anyone but us. They know a very sheltered version\u2014that this is something that is a really hard thing to deal with\u2014so we want to stay away from these images because this is not what God intended for women to be treated like and this is not how God designed marriage or sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLikewise, they know what sex is too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, because they know our story, they will feel empowered to not just take the guy\u2019s word for it\u2014that \u201cYes; sure I\u2019ve looked at porn. Every guy does it. It is okay,\u201d or \u201cI won\u2019t do it again,\u201d or whatever. I guarantee you that we will have conversations with this man [Laughter] because of our story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I see you looking at your husband, going, \u201c<em>You better believe we\u2019re going to have these conversations<\/em>!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Craig, what would you say? What would be the conversations you\u2019re going to have with your daughters <em>and <\/em>with the young man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Jen\u2019s right. We started this conversation early because it does impact both the husband and the wife in very different ways. We\u2019ve tried to explain to them how the world views people and how God views people\u2014teaching them the difference\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in how to engage with the world in a Christian manner versus listening to what the world is saying. Pornography is a corruption of what God intended\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> \u2014right? They\u2019re already experiencing that now, at their age, where they have conversations with other girls or even guys, where it\u2019s not what God had intended.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we want to communicate to them and educate them <em>now<\/em>\u2014starting now\u2014is that, by the time they get to that age, they already have a good understanding of who they are, who God made them, and that they\u2019re not looking for someone else to fill that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t understand how to look at God as my real father. That\u2019s a big hole that men have in their lives. I was filling it with anything I could possibly fill it with, and pornography was a <em>really<\/em> easy choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That started early from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your first exposure to pornography came when you were still in elementary school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Well, I\u2019m going to move this from theory to a knock of the door. [Knocking]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The Ferguson household. It is a 24\/25-year-old young man who said, \u201cMr. Ferguson, I\u2019ve come to ask for your daughter\u2019s hand in marriage.\u201d After you both choke it down and have the realization that this is now game time, I want to know\u2014I just want to know how you would approach that young man\u2014what you would ask him and what you might say to him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tObviously, we don\u2019t have time on this broadcast to get into <em>everything<\/em>\u2014but around this issue right here, pornography\u2014because, as Bob said earlier, most likely the young man probably has been impacted by pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes. I mean, honestly, I really hope that\u2019s not the first time I\u2019ve met this individual. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, yes\u2014I hope not too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You won\u2019t ask him, the first time you meet him, the same question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> No, but I do want to get to <em>know<\/em> him because I want to have a relationship with my future son-in-law. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t have a son myself; so that individual \/ those individuals will become my son. I want to be able to know them in a way that a father would know their son. I want to know what their hopes and dreams are, what they like \/ what they don\u2019t like. And I want to know about their past because their past definitely impacts how they interact with my family and how they\u2019re going to build their own family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s going to be a really good conversation, but it will be a lot of intimate-type questions that he may or may not be used to answering. It\u2019s really important to me to know him in a way that\u2014besides just, \u201cOkay; yes. Go ahead and marry my daughter,\u201d \u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Or, \u201cCan you just provide for her financially?\u201d or \u201cCan you give her a lifestyle that she\u2019s accustomed to?\u201d Like none of that really matters if, at the heart, he doesn\u2019t know Jesus and doesn\u2019t know how to love her well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve had a couple of these conversations, and I love where you started because that\u2019s where I attempted to start as well. Start with the relationship, and you work your way through some relatively safe conversations. But when he does come asking for her hand, at that point, you really do want to find out: \u201cWhere is this young man, spiritually? What\u2019s his capacity to relate to another man?\u2014and to my daughter?\u201d Then you\u2019ve got to find out: \u201cWhat is the past? What has taken place?\u201d Have an honest conversation that maybe ends up sharing some of your own experiences with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You will probably\u2014in the development of that relationship\u2014say, \u201cYou ought to know a little bit about our story,\u201d and maybe hand them a copy of the book you\u2019ve written, <em>Pure Eyes Clean Heart<\/em>, and say: \u201cTake this home and read this. It\u2019ll give you some background into what we went through.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking with Craig and Jen Ferguson, the authors of the book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014about your own journey in this issue related to pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCraig\u2014for you, it began when you were in elementary school; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes, I was\u2014sixth grade when I first was exposed to it. I can say that it was a friend of mine that had a father that had a subscription to a pornographic magazine. Like most kids\u2014boys of that age\u2014I spent a lot of time in the woods. I didn\u2019t grow up watching a lot of TV; I spent a lot of time outside. He brought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the magazines.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> \u2014the magazines, yes, into the woods. That was my first exposure to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you look back on that and think: \u201cSomething really clicked that day\u2014like a switch got flipped in my head to where I was just really just drawn into this,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I think it was more of a curiosity, at that age. If you think about it, developmentally, it\u2019s right about that time where boys start to really notice girls in a different way other than, \u201cHey, there are these other kids that are in my class,\u201d\u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had\u2014I have a younger sister\u2014we\u2019re 18 months apart. I grew up around girls; but I don\u2019t think it necessarily flipped the switch at that point. I think that when I started to hit puberty, and I was still exposed to it, it was kind of shaping, if you will, kind of my view of the female, and female body, and what sexuality was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was not that long after you were exposed to pornography that you started experimenting with sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. I was in seventh grade.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a pretty quick track to be on if, in seventh grade, you are already experimenting, sexually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You found other pornographic magazines at your grandfather\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here it is in your family. That had to have kind of an interesting impact, I think, on a young man. How old were you at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I was probably early high school at that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Thinking about your grandfather\u2014had a stash hidden\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014in a filing cabinet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You would go help yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you just thinking, \u201cThis is just what guys do,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Part of it was just the excitement of doing something clandestine\u2014you know what I mean\u2014like it was secretive. I\u2019m sure that was a draw as well. I remember kind of feeling somewhat excited about, \u201cAm I going to get caught or not get caught?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; I knew where it was. It was readily available to me\u2014whether it was from there\u2014or I have friends who have older brothers, and they were in college at the time. They were in fraternities\u2014it was available.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there any sense of shame, guilt, or remorse as you were exposed to pornography or as you were acting out, sexually, in middle school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Initially, no; but as I got older and, I think, more mature in my faith\u2014I began to recognize, especially in high school, that this was not what God wanted me to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was definitely a separation from what I knew was the right thing to do versus what my desire was. I knew it was not right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere would be these cycles of engaging in pornography and then going through repentance, and then going through pornography and going through\u2014that would cycle through\u2014even into our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s interesting that you used the term \u201ceven as I was maturing as a Christian.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Struggling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The reality is\u2014all of us should be in the process of becoming mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And all of us are struggling with one or multiple issues in our lives. We live in a fallen world. Our own propensity to sin is still there, and Christ calls us away from that to follow Him. You just had very real struggles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you ever have anyone who had a spiritual mindset that ever had a conversation with you about what was taking place in your life?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014a youth pastor?\u2014an older man in your life?\u2014your dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> I never really shared what was going on with anybody at that time\u2014with the struggles with pornography. That didn\u2019t happen until later on in my life\u2014I was an adult, and I was married. I never really engaged with my pastor or my youth leader and said, \u201cHey, I\u2019m struggling with this,\u201d <em>at all<\/em> until much later in life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I talked to a young man, once, who told me that he attended a Christian school. He said, \u201cI loved basketball, but there were days I skipped basketball practice to go look at porn.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t every day\u2014it wasn\u2019t that kind of a compulsion\u2014but there did seem to be this kind of reoccurring, \u201cIt\u2019s been a while,\u201d and he\u2019s drawn back. What was your frequency of looking at porn when you were in middle school and high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>It would go through cycles. Sometimes, I would go months without looking at it. Then it would\u2014it could be every day or several times a day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was never a sustained\u2014like years, and years, and years of looking at it every single day\u2014it\u2019s very cyclical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Kind of binge and fast?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes. It really was almost like binge\u2014yes; exactly. I think \u201cbinge\u201d is a really good term for it. What I was doing at the time\u2014I was really trying to fill what God was trying to fill with things of my own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And as you were maturing in your faith, and starting to feel a sense of guilt and some remorse about what was going on, you probably had this same cycle of\u2014you\u2019d look, you\u2019d feel guilty, you\u2019d confess, you\u2019d say, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that again,\u201d and you\u2019d go on this period, where you think, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got this.\u201d Then, all of a sudden, something would flip the trigger and you\u2019d be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig:<\/strong> Right; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you figure out <em>then<\/em> what was flipping the trigger, or did you even pay any attention to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>That was interesting\u2014I never really was cognizant enough in that cycle \/ in that addiction to really understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until we actually started writing this book where I was really trying to prayerfully think back on my life from the very beginning of my engagement in pornography and seeing some of the commonalities that were happening that it began to surface. God was showing, \u201cHey, here\u2019s what was going on in your life at that time; and here\u2019s what was drawing you into it,\u201d that I was able to actually know what those were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jen, if the first time you asked your fianc\u00e9, \u201cHave you ever looked at porn?\u201d\u2014if Craig had said to you: \u201cWell, as a matter of fact, I was first exposed when I was 12 years old. I\u2019ve had these cycles that I\u2019ve gone through in junior high and senior high,\u201d and \u201cI was sexually active, and I\u2019m trying to get a handle on it; but I stumble from time to time,\u201d\u2014would you have said, \u201cOkay; see ya!\u201d or what do you think you would have done?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I am a really loyal person. I have just the kind of personality that will stick with it no matter what. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for him to offer an invitation to a dialogue and a conversation\u2014I think it would have\u2014I mean, I think our road would have been a lot easier\u2014still hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It would have been rally time for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You would have seen that as an opportunity for you to come alongside your man, saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to <em>love<\/em> this out of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to go back to the question that you were asking them about a 25-year-old knocking at the door and saying, \u201cI\u2019d like to marry your daughter.\u201d If you\u2019re the dad in that situation, and you sit down with the young man, and he comes clean\u2014says: \u201cThis has been my pattern\u2014junior high, senior high, college\u2014I\u2019ve struggled with this. Tried to get a handle on it \/ haven\u2019t been able to, but I\u2019m counting on marriage being what\u2019s going to help me get over this.\u201d What would you <em>say<\/em> and how would you advise your daughter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve got to go back to what I feel like Craig did such a great job of at the beginning. First of all, establish a relationship because you don\u2019t know where this thing is going to go\u2014he may become your son-in-law\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014therefore, a son. So you need to have a relationship with him and keep that bridge firmly in place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to have had your own understanding, from the Bible, of what it teaches about forgiveness, about grace, about mercy, about your own brokenness and your own need for forgiveness in your relationship with God, and be ready to display it to another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Craig: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think all these things just demand that a dad and a mom of a young lady and a young man, together, work through these issues and not minimize them. On the other hand, don\u2019t panic \/ don\u2019t freak out; but realize that marriage is for keeps, and you need to help this couple prepare for what will be a reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to hear more of this story, a little later on, of what Jen had to deal with as a result of this. This wasn\u2019t a quick fix. This is not a matter of flipping a switch and moving past it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think these are the assignments today for daddies and for mommies\u2014first of all, as they\u2019re preparing their kids for that moment\u2014but secondly, when a young man does come [Knocking] and knock at the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You guys do <em>such<\/em> a good job in your book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>, of helping couples, not only by sharing your story, but by sharing what you\u2019ve learned from Scripture about how to process this issue in a marriage relationship. I\u2019d just encourage couples\u2014if this has been an issue that has come to light in your marriage, it would be good for the two of you, together, to read through the book, <em>Pure Eyes, Clean Heart<\/em>. We\u2019ve got it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and order your copy from us by phone. Again, the website is: FamilyLifeToday.com; and our toll-free number is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800-358-6329\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also remind our listeners about the special offer we\u2019re making this week as we want to encourage you to join us, this spring, at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. It\u2019s a fun getaway weekend for couples, where we talk straight about God\u2019s design for marriage and help you understand the biblical blueprints for the marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up this week, you pay for yourself at the regular rate and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of the special buy one \/ get one free offer and come at half price. Go online for more information. You can register, online, if you\u2019d like at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. Just mention that you\u2019re interested in the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We can answer any questions you have or get you registered for the event.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of getaways\u2014I want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d today to Chad and Amy Kinnett. They live in Billings, Montana. This is their 13<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary today\u201413 years of marriage for the Kinnetts. They have attended <em>three<\/em> <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways in their first 13 years of marriage. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d on your wedding anniversary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are all about anniversaries, here at FamilyLife\u2014we are \u201cThe Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries. In fact, this is our 40<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary as a ministry\u20142016 marks 40 years that <em>FamilyLife<\/em> has been doing ministry. We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who make all that we do, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, possible. We appreciate your support. We\u2019re listener-supported, and your donations are what make this ministry happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate by going to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us again tomorrow when we continue our conversation with Craig and Jen Ferguson about pursuing purity in a marriage after sinful patterns have been exposed and confessed. Hope you can join us again for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303834","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303834"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303834"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303834"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303834"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303834"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303834"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303834"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}