{"id":303832,"date":"2016-01-15T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-01-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/speaking-love-to-your-spouse-service-time-or-touch\/"},"modified":"2016-01-15T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-01-15T17:00:00","slug":"speaking-love-to-your-spouse-service-time-or-touch","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speaking-love-to-your-spouse-service-time-or-touch\/","title":{"rendered":"Speaking Love to Your Spouse: Service, Time, or Touch"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Learning a second language is challenging, but when that language is the natural voice for your spouse, it is worth the effort. Dr. Gary Chapman unpacks three more love languages.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-15.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.24M","filesize_raw":"25416578","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082],"tags":[5819,4213,4050,2877],"podcast_series":[8122],"cwp_profile":[3353],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303832","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-intimacy-in-marriage","tag-love","tag-marital-intimacy","tag-marriage","podcast_series-love-is-an-attitude","cwp_profile-gary-chapman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303832\/speaking-love-to-your-spouse-service-time-or-touch","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303832\/speaking-love-to-your-spouse-service-time-or-touch","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"7XoUG3t0mv\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speaking-love-to-your-spouse-service-time-or-touch\/\">Speaking Love to Your Spouse: Service, Time, or Touch<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speaking-love-to-your-spouse-service-time-or-touch\/embed\/#?secret=7XoUG3t0mv\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Speaking Love to Your Spouse: Service, Time, or Touch&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"7XoUG3t0mv\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Learning a second language is challenging, but when that language is the natural voice for your spouse, it is worth the effort. Dr. Gary Chapman unpacks three more love languages.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2016-01-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dr. Gary Chapman is well-known for talking about love languages; but he also knows about the source of love from which the languages flow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Gary: <\/strong>You see, in the early years of our marriage, when we were struggling, I didn\u2019t have the attitude of Christ. My attitude was to my wife: \u201cListen, I <em>know<\/em> how to have a good marriage. If you\u2019ll <em>listen<\/em> to me, we\u2019ll have one!\u201d\u00a0 She wouldn\u2019t listen to me, and I <em>blamed<\/em> her. I\u2019ll never forget the day that God said to me, \u201cThe problem in your marriage is that you don\u2019t have the attitude of Christ,\u201d\u2014hit me like a ton of bricks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, January 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Before you can ever learn how to speak your mate\u2019s love language, you have to learn how to love differently. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. Was there a time in your marriage when you were trying to express love to Barbara, and it just wasn\u2019t getting there because you guys were speaking different languages?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. I mean, early in our marriage, I loved her the way I wanted her to love me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think you\u2019ve got to be weaned off of that to begin to think of your spouse. Frankly, that\u2019s a part of what we teach at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Bob. We teach folks how to meet one another and speak their love language and do it in a practical way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t guarantee folks it is going to be an all-time best weekend, but I have had a lot of couples tell me that the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> <em>was<\/em> one of the best, if not <em>the<\/em> best, weekend of their marriage because we directed them spiritually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe gave them time to write love letters to each other\u2014didn\u2019t ask them to do anything publicly\u2014weren\u2019t embarrassed in front of a group of people. It\u2019s a time just for you two, where you can kind of set the agenda and the schedule. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I\u2019ll tell you\u2014if you haven\u2019t been to one, it\u2019s time because we\u2019ve got a great deal right now for you to attend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We are encouraging listeners to attend by offering you a special offer\u2014you sign up today, and you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse attends free. It\u2019s a buy one \/ get one free offer. It\u2019s the best opportunity we have all year. We\u2019re encouraging you to do this with this special offer because we believe that this weekend can be transformational in a marriage relationship. We think it can be the <em>best<\/em> weekend of your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, get more information\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, sign up today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you pay for yourself and your spouse comes for free. We hope to see you at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. I\u2019m going to be speaking at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> in Nashville. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2019m going to be in Indianapolis. By the way, my son and his wife are now going to be speaking in\u2014I forget the third location\u2014but they\u2019re going to be in Boise, Idaho\u2014I believe it\u2019s in February\u2014and later on, like in May, in Washington, D.C. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. The truth is\u2014anywhere you go, there is a great team of speakers who are involved in the <em>Weekend<\/em>. They will do a great job of guiding you through. So, wherever you live, just find a location near you and attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, this week, we\u2019ve been listening to a message from Dr. Gary Chapman, who is the author of the book, <em>The 5 Love Languages<\/em>, and <em>dozens<\/em> of other books. He has been talking about love languages and talking about how we can learn to speak one another\u2019s love language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s already talked, in this message, about words of affirmation and how that communicates love to a spouse \/ about how giving gifts can communicate love to a spouse. And he\u2019s going to pick up the message with Love Language Number 3. Here\u2019s Dr. Gary Chapman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Love Language Number 3: Acts of Service. First John, Chapter 3, verse 18: \u201cLove not only in word but in deed.\u201d\u00a0 Do something to show your love. In a marriage, that might be such things as cooking a meal. Incidentally, anybody here still cook?\u00a0 [Laughter] Yes, a few of you. It\u2019s a <em>huge<\/em> act of service. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son didn\u2019t get married until he was 34. People would ask him: \u201cWhen are you going to get married?\u201d \u201cWhen are you going to get married?\u201d\u00a0 He would say, \u201cYou know, when you grow up in the home of a marriage counselor, you\u2019re very careful.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But once he got married, he came home six months later and said, \u201cDad, I got a bonus when I married Amy!\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cReally?!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cYes, Dad. She likes to cook\u2014never thought I\u2019d meet a girl of my generation who likes to cook.\u201d\u00a0 Then, my daughter married a <em>man<\/em> who likes to cook. My kids got it made! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWashing dishes is an act of service. Who does that at your house\u2014washes the dishes, puts them in the dishwasher, and all that kind of good stuff?\u00a0 Yes. Vacuuming floors is an act of service. Who does that at your place?\u00a0 Yes. Getting the white spots off the mirror, mowing the grass, changing the baby\u2019s diaper\u2014Whew!\u2014big act of service\u2014anything you know the other person would like for you to do\u2014a powerful communicator. Remember the old saying, \u201cActions speak louder than words\u201d?\u00a0 That is true for these people if this is their language: \u201cActions will speak louder than words.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove Language Number4: Quality Time\u2014quality time. Mark, Chapter 3, verse 14 says of Jesus: \u201cHe ordained twelve\u201d \/ we call them the twelve disciples\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014now, listen\u2014\u201cthat He might be with them.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus communicated to the thousands \/ He taught the thousands, but He gave quality time to 12 men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, in a marriage, I am talking about giving your spouse your <em>undivided<\/em> attention. I am <em>not<\/em> talking about sitting on the couch, watching television, [Laughter] because someone <em>else<\/em> has your attention. I\u2019m talking about sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other, and talking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you all have couches?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>What do you do with those things?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 When I sit on the couch with my wife and give her 20 minutes\u2014looking, listening, interacting\u2014I have given her 20 minutes of <em>my<\/em> <em>life<\/em>; and she has done the same for me. It\u2019s a <em>powerful<\/em> communicator when you give someone your <em>undivided<\/em> attention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 5 is Physical Touch. We\u2019ve long known the emotional power of physical touch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Mark, Chapter 10, they brought to Jesus the little children. The disciples said: \u201cThis is not a children\u2019s meeting. Excuse me, this is not a children\u2019s meeting.\u201d\u00a0 Now, what did Jesus say?\u00a0 \u201cBring the little children to Me, for of such is the Kingdom of God.\u201d\u00a0 And the next verse says, \u201cHe put His hands on them and blessed them,\u201d\u2014physical touch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, in marriage, we\u2019re talking about such things as holding hands, kissing, embracing, the whole sexual part of marriage\u2014arm around the shoulder\u2014driving down the road, you put your hand on their leg\u2014sitting around the house and they walk by and you trip them. [Laughter]\u00a0 I\u2019m kidding!\u00a0 I\u2019m kidding!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was sitting in an airport on a Saturday night. I was going home from a seminar. I was tired. I didn\u2019t feel like reading, and I was just sitting there. A young couple came in several yards from me and sat down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just watched them. They hadn\u2019t been seated 60 seconds before she reached over and started rubbing the back of his neck; and I thought, \u201cIsn\u2019t that sweet?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Do you know that every one of you ladies used to do that when you were dating?\u00a0 Every one of you did that. I tell you, ladies, let\u2019s just see if you can still do it. It might hurt your arthritis, but give it a try. [Laughter]\u00a0 Come on. Right now, just reach over\u2014yes, just rub the back of his neck. Come on, ladies, you can do it!\u00a0 Come on!\u00a0 Yes! [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, listen to me very carefully. Out of those five love languages\u2014each of us has a <em>primary<\/em> love language. One of the five speaks more deeply to us <em>emotionally<\/em> than the other four. Now, we can receive love in all five languages; but if we had to give up one\u2014we\u2019d give up this one, or this one, or this one\u2014but <em>not<\/em> <em>this<\/em> <em>one<\/em> because, \u201cThis is the one that really makes me feel loved.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, once in a while, someone says to me: \u201cI don\u2019t know, Gary. I think two of those are just about equal for me.\u201d\u00a0 And my response is: \u201cFine. We\u2019ll give you two love languages. We\u2019ll call you bilingual.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But <em>most<\/em> of us have a primary love language \/ a secondary love language, and then, the other three fall in line under that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, in a marriage, almost <em>never<\/em> does a husband and wife have the same language. It happens but <em>not<\/em> <em>very<\/em> often. By nature, we speak our own language\u2014whatever makes <em>me<\/em> feel loved is what I tend to do for my spouse. So, let\u2019s say that words of affirmation is <em>my<\/em> language. What will I do when I get married?\u00a0 By nature, I\u2019ll give my wife words of affirmation\u2014 I\u2019ll tell her how nice she looks in that outfit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell her how much I appreciate what she did. I\u2019ll probably tell her a dozen times a day I love her: \u201cI love you, honey,\u201d \u201cI cannot tell you how much I love you,\u201d \u201cI am so glad I married you,\u201d \u201cI love you, honey.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut let\u2019s say her language is not words of affirmation\u2014her language is acts of service. Let\u2019s say I don\u2019t ever do anything to help her. It\u2019s just a matter of time she\u2019s going to say to me one night: \u201cYou know, you keep on saying: \u2018I love you,\u2019 \u2018I love you,\u2019 \u2018I love you.\u2019\u00a0 If you love me, why don\u2019t you help me?\u201d\u00a0 And <em>I<\/em> am blown out of\u201d the saddle. Why?\u00a0 Because, in my mind, I\u2019ve been loving her; but in her mind, if I love her, I\u2019d be helping her. Do you understand how couples can miss each other?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the <em>key<\/em> is we must learn to speak the language of the <em>other<\/em> <em>person<\/em>. Now, I can hear someone say: \u201cYes, Gary, but wait a minute. Wait a minute. What if the love language of your <em>spouse<\/em> is something that just doesn\u2019t come <em>naturally<\/em> for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd my answer: \u201cSo\u2014you learn it!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife\u2019s language is acts of service. So, one of the things I do for her is vacuum the floors. Now, you don\u2019t know me well; but I want to ask you, \u201cDo you think that vacuuming floors comes naturally for me?\u201d\u00a0 My mother made me vacuum all through junior high and high school. I couldn\u2019t go play ball on Saturday until I <em>vacuumed<\/em> <em>the<\/em> <em>house<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn those days, I said to myself, \u201cIf I ever get out of here, one thing I\u2019m not going to do\u2014I\u2019m not going to vacuum floors.\u201d\u00a0 You could not pay me enough to vacuum floors. There is only one reason I vacuum floors\u2014L-O-V-E. You see, when it doesn\u2019t come <em>naturally<\/em>, it\u2019s a <em>greater<\/em> expression of love. My wife knows every time I vacuum the floor, it\u2019s nothing but 100 percent, pure, unadulterated <em>love<\/em>; and I get credit for the <em>whole<\/em> thing. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were sitting around the other night. My wife said, \u201cYou know, honey, these blinds are getting dusty.\u201d\u00a0 I looked over at the blinds; and I said, \u201cThey are; aren\u2019t they, honey?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s all I said. [Laughter]\u00a0 But I heard the lady\u2014I cataloged it. So, two mornings later\u2014it was a Friday morning. I was getting ready to leave later that day to go do a marriage seminar. It was probably 6:30 Friday morning\u2014I was in there, vacuuming those blinds. She stumbled in and said, \u201cHoney, what are you doing?!\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cHoney, I\u2019m making love!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Big smile broke on her face. She said, \u201cYou have got to be the greatest husband in the world.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, my language is words of affirmation. So, I said to her, \u201cTell me one more time, babe, how great am I?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 She told me <em>again<\/em>. I get on a plane with a <em>full<\/em> love tank. She goes back to finish her nap <em>with<\/em> a full love tank. Why?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI spoke her language, and she spoke my language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you understand why I would say what I just shared with you could literally save thousands of marriages?\u00a0 In fact, every week, I have people say to me: \u201cGary, we were that close to divorce, and a friend gave us a copy of your book on the love languages. It turned our whole marriage around. It just changed the whole climate of our marriage.\u201d You see, because we so desperately need love, when we start getting it in the right language, emotionally, we\u2019re <em>drawn<\/em> to our spouse again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan emotional love be reborn?\u00a0 You bet it <em>can<\/em> when we learn how to speak each other\u2019s language. The question, then, becomes: \u201cHow do you discover the other person\u2019s language?\u201d Well, a simple way is to go online at 5LoveLanguages.com and take the quiz\u2014it\u2019s free\u2014but let me give you three other clues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one: Observe their behavior. Observe how they respond to other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your spouse\u2014when they\u2014in a social setting, when they meet somebody, they\u2019re always giving them a hug or a pat on the back\u2014you can assume that Physical Touch is probably their language. Or if you hear your spouse always giving encouraging words to other people\u2014on the telephone, they are just encouraging people\u2014you can assume that Words is their language. Or if your spouse is the person that is always taking someone out to lunch\u2014a lady taking a friend out \/ a guy taking a guy out and having lunch\u2014and they just\u2014they <em>love<\/em> having lunch with people. Quality Time is probably their language. So, observe their behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond clue: What do they complain about most often?\u00a0 The complaint reveals the love language. If they are saying to you: \u201cWe just don\u2019t ever have any <em>time<\/em> together. It\u2019s like we\u2019re two ships passing in the night!\u00a0 We\u2019re just too busy,\u201d they are telling you that Quality Time is their language. Or if you go on a business trip and come home and they say, \u201cYou didn\u2019t <em>bring<\/em> me anything?!\u201d they\u2019re telling you that Gifts is their language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if they say, \u201cI don\u2019t think you would ever touch me if I didn\u2019t initiate it,\u201d they\u2019re telling you that Physical Touch is their language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you see, we tend to get <em>defensive<\/em> when our spouse complains. If a wife says to a husband: \u201cWe just don\u2019t spend any time together. I just feel like you don\u2019t ever have time for me.\u201d\u00a0 What does the husband say?\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean I don\u2019t spend time with you?\u00a0 I took you out to dinner Thursday night. I mean, what are you talking about, woman?\u201d\u00a0 Listen\u2014get beyond the defensiveness because they\u2019re telling you what their love language is. The complaint reveals the love language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third question is: \u201cWhat do they request of you most often?\u201d\u00a0 If they\u2019re saying to you, periodically: \u201cHoney, can we take a walk after dinner tonight?\u201d or \u201cDo you think we could get a weekend away soon?\u201d they are asking for Quality Time. Or if you get ready to go on a business trip and they say, \u201cBe sure and bring me a surprise!\u201d they are telling you that Gifts is their language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what do they request of you?\u00a0 If they say, \u201cHoney, could you give me a back rub?\u201d they are <em>asking<\/em> for physical touch. Put those three together, and you can pretty easily determine your spouse\u2019s love language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I have given you information, but I can\u2019t give you the motivation to do it. A man said to me some time ago\u2014he said: \u201cGary, I understand what you are talking about. I get the love language thing.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cMy wife told me that her love language is Acts of Service.\u201d\u00a0 He said: \u201cBut I\u2019ll tell you right now. If it\u2019s going to take my washing dishes, and my vacuuming floors, and my doing the laundry for her to feel loved, you can forget that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you understand what he\u2019s saying?\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve got the information. I understand it, but I\u2019m not going to do that.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I don\u2019t know where he was coming from. I don\u2019t know if his father told him, \u201cMen don\u2019t wash dishes.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know where he\u2019s coming from, but he\u2019s making a conscious <em>choice<\/em> not to speak his wife\u2019s love language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, where do you get the motivation?\u00a0 I believe it comes from our own relationship with God. You see, we love God because God first loved us. And Romans, Chapter 5, in verse 5, says, \u201cThe love of God is poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.\u201d\u00a0 God can give you the same attitude that Christ had when He gave His life for His disciples and for us. This is what radically changed my own marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, in the early years of our marriage, when we were struggling, I didn\u2019t have the attitude of Christ. My attitude was to my wife: \u201cListen, I <em>know<\/em> how to have a good marriage. If you\u2019ll <em>listen<\/em> to me, we\u2019ll have one!\u201d\u00a0 And she wouldn\u2019t listen to me, and I <em>blamed<\/em> her. I\u2019ll never forget the day that God said to me: \u201cThe problem in your marriage is that you don\u2019t have the attitude of Christ. He was on His knees, washing His disciples\u2019 feet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou don\u2019t have that attitude,\u201d\u2014hit me like a ton of bricks because I remember what Jesus said when He stood up\u2014remember?\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019m your leader, and in My Kingdom, this is the way you lead.\u201d\u00a0 The leader serves. I said, \u201cOh, God\u201d\u2014I was in seminary\u2014I said: \u201cOh, God, forgive me. With all my studying of Greek, and Hebrew, and theology, I have missed the whole point. Give me\u2014please, give me the attitude of Christ. Radically change my heart and my attitude toward my wife.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I started asking her three simple questions that made it practical: \u201cHoney, how can I help you?\u201d\u2014I knew nothing about the love languages at this juncture\u2014\u201cHow can I help you?\u00a0 How can I make your life easier?\u00a0 How can I be a better husband to you?\u201d\u00a0 When I asked those questions, my wife was willing to give me answers. Understand\u2014she is teaching me how to love her. I didn\u2019t know what was going on, but I knew my heart was changed; and she was teaching me how to love her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWithin three months, my wife started asking me those three questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019ve been walking this road a long time now, in which I\u2019ve been reaching out to her and she\u2019s been reaching out to me. I have an incredible wife. In fact, I said to her, not long ago, \u201cKarolyn, if every woman in the world was like you, there would <em>never<\/em> be a divorce.\u201d\u00a0 Why would a man leave a woman who is doing everything she can to help him? My goal, through these years, has been to so serve my wife that, when I\u2019m gone, she\u2019ll never find another man that will treat her the way I\u2019ve treated her. The woman is going to miss me!\u00a0 [Applause] And you know what I believe?\u00a0 I believe this was God\u2019s intention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen, folks, God never ordained marriage to make people miserable. God ordained marriage because He knows that we\u2019re made for each other. When we do marriage God\u2019s way\u2014and a husband reaches out and loves his wife and she reaches out and loves him\u2014what happens\u2014you both become winners. You see, in all the early years, we were both losers\u2014I shot her \/ she shot me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe stayed wounded most of the time and <em>resented<\/em> each other; but when you do it God\u2019s way, you both become winners. <em>Then<\/em>, the two of you can turn and bless the world with the ability God has given you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know why I believe the Christian church today has made so little impact on the non-Christian world?\u2014because our churches are filled with couples who\u2019ve never gotten their marriage together. They don\u2019t have any motivation to say to other people, \u201cWouldn\u2019t you like to be a Christian and be as miserable as we are?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you ever get your marriage going God\u2019s way, non-Christians will ask you, \u201cHow do you all do that?\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ll have a chance to tell them how God changed your heart and how He can change their hearts and make them lovers. When we\u2019ve learned to love, marriage serves the purpose God intended it\u2014we\u2019re loving, and supportive, and caring, and helping each other reach our potential for God and good in the world. Amen? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience:<\/strong> Amen. [Applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, that is our friend, Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of the book, <em>The 5 Love Languages<\/em>, with just a classic reminder of how we can do a better job of loving and serving one another in our marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I had to laugh when he said, \u201cI\u2019m going to make it so good on her that, when I leave [die], she\u2019s not going to be able to find another man to serve her like I serve her.\u201d\u00a0 So, I was thinking about that, Bob\u2014and I was going, \u201cI do a pretty good job of that.\u201d\u00a0 And the closest I\u2019ve come is by making coffee that comes on the first day that I\u2019m gone because I make it the day before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go\u2014and set the alarm\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014make it for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So that, even when you\u2019re gone, the coffee is there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes!\u00a0 And she misses me on the second day [Laughter] because she doesn\u2019t know how to make the coffee like I make it. I don\u2019t quite get that because it\u2019s not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014that hard?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s not that difficult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But an act of service like that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014is Barbara\u2019s love language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs that her number one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, I think it is. She also appreciates words of affirmation. Yes, she\u2019s pretty easy to love, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Becoming a student of our spouse and learning how to communicate our love is one of the practical ways that we live out what we\u2019re pledging ourselves to when we marry. And it\u2019s one of the things we talk with couples about at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, again, I want to encourage our listeners: \u201cIf you have never been to a getaway, or if it\u2019s been more than five years and it\u2019s time for a tune-up for your marriage, this spring would be a great time for the two of you to get away to a location near where you live\u2014or maybe, you want to travel somewhere\u2014but get away and enjoy a weekend together\u2014where you can relax, and just be together, and focus on one another in marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have getaways happening in about five dozen cities this spring.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up this week or next week to attend one of these upcoming getaways, when you pay the regular price for yourself, your spouse comes free. It\u2019s the best offer we make all year long; and it\u2019s available right now through next week. Get more information or register, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions, or if you\u2019d like to register over the phone. Again, the website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call: 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 And we can answer any questions you have or get you registered. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, when you go to our website, you might want to get a copy of Dr. Gary Chapman\u2019s book, <em>The 5 Love Languages<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. It\u2019s a great tool for married couples to better understand how we can <em>love<\/em> one another in marriage. Again, you can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for today. Thanks for being with us. Hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in church this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk to a couple who will share with us candidly about an issue that a lot of couples are facing in marriage today\u2014what happens when pornography makes its way into a marriage relationship and images that don\u2019t belong are all of a sudden there. We\u2019ll talk about that on Monday with Craig and Jen Ferguson. Hope you can be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2016 FamilyLife. 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