{"id":303782,"date":"2015-12-15T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-12-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/relational-tension-increases-at-christmas\/"},"modified":"2015-12-15T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-12-15T17:00:00","slug":"relational-tension-increases-at-christmas","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relational-tension-increases-at-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Relational Tension Increases at Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Bob and Vicki Maday, Ron Deal | Series: Stepfamilies and Holidays | It&#8217;s challenging enough trying to blend two families in a remarriage, but blending family Christmas traditions takes the &#8220;blender&#8221; to a higher speed. Bob and Vicki Maday and their respective daughters, Katie and Jonell, talk frankly about the uncomfortable and inevitable tension that exists in the early years of a new blended family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Blending family Christmas traditions is very challenging. Bob and Vicki Maday&#8217;s respective daughters describe the uncomfortable but inevitable tension that exists in a new blended family&#8217;s Christmas traditions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-12-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.13M","filesize_raw":"25304203","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2882,2894],"tags":[2288,2560,5905,5904,5276],"podcast_series":[7919],"cwp_profile":[9285,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303782","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","category-stepfamily-living","tag-adult-children","tag-blended-families","tag-blending-traditions","tag-difficult-transitions","tag-stepfamilies","podcast_series-stepfamilies-and-holidays","cwp_profile-bob-and-vicki-maday","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303782\/relational-tension-increases-at-christmas","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303782\/relational-tension-increases-at-christmas","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"hNDSgvbSxr\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relational-tension-increases-at-christmas\/\">Relational Tension Increases at Christmas<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relational-tension-increases-at-christmas\/embed\/#?secret=hNDSgvbSxr\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Relational Tension Increases at Christmas&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"hNDSgvbSxr\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-12-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-12-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you stopped to consider for a moment what the holidays are like for kids who are in a freshly-blended family? Here\u2019s author and speaker Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Kids will have mixed feelings. They will be confused about the new family and happy about it, all at the same time. They will feel disloyal to a parent who has died or a parent that is in another home; and at the same time, they\u2019re still trying to connect. Don\u2019t force them or expect them to feel certain things to make <em>you<\/em> feel good. You\u2019ve got to meet them where they are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What can parents do during the holidays to help children in a blended family have a happy Christmas season? We\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay tuned.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just sitting here trying to think of a metaphor. We\u2019ve already talked about photo-shopped photography as a metaphor for a blended family this week; but some other metaphor\u2014give me a second to think about this because there was something else you wanted to talk about at the beginning of today\u2019s program anyway; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There was, Bob. I was getting off a plane here recently in Denver. A young mom stopped me\u2014she said, \u201cAre you Dennis Rainey?\u201d I said, \u201cI am.\u201d I looked at her. She was pregnant and toting a two-year-old in her arms. She had a three and a four-year-old kind of in line, following her. She said: \u201cI just want to thank you for your ministry. This weekend, my brother-in-law and his wife are going to the <em>Weekend<\/em> <em>to<\/em> <em>Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. And next weekend, my brother and his wife are going to the <em>Weekend<\/em> <em>to<\/em> <em>Remember<\/em>.\u201d She said: \u201cWe just couldn\u2019t do it all without you guys. We really appreciate your ministry!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s a radio listener. You could tell, with all the kids she\u2019s got, under four years \/ five years of age\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014she can use some help!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014she can use some help. So, as you think about your metaphor for a family, Bob, I think it\u2019s all about growing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s about growing kids the way the Bible teaches us to grow them. What <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is\u2014we want to be your trusted advisor\/your coach at every age and at every stage of your family\u2019s life. We want to equip you with the practical biblical solutions to the issues your marriage and family are facing in this day and age. There are a lot of them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo do that, though, Bob, we need some heroes to come alongside FamilyLife and to make this ministry possible to moms like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and we\u2019ve had some friends recently, who have come to us and said that, during the month of December, they want to give us a boost. They have agreed that, when a listener makes a contribution in support of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>this month, they\u2019re going to make a double contribution in response. If a listener comes along and says, \u201cI can give you guys $50,\u201d they\u2019re going to say, \u201cWe\u2019ll match that with $100.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife winds up with a $150 donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that person becomes a hero because we\u2019re going to turn that $150 into help and hope for people\u2019s marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, they\u2019ve agreed to go as high as $2 million on that matching gift. We want to take advantage of every bit of that. To do that, we need listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a donation online\u2014or to call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone and say: \u201cI believe in this ministry. I think what you\u2019re doing is a good thing, and I want to see it continue. I\u2019m glad that my donation is getting matched, two-for-one, here in the month of December.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if you\u2019ve received help and hope in your marriage, what better place to invest your money than to come alongside FamilyLife at this time of year. Now, I want you to know that your giving needs to begin with your local church. We don\u2019t want to take anything away from that, but we do want to encourage you to stand with us because we\u2019re standing alongside you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Once again, the website where you can donate is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019ve been working on this metaphor for a messy family\u2014maybe a pile of dirty laundry? Maybe that\u2019s not what we should go with here. [Laughter] Maybe that just conjures up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A pile of dirty laundry?! That\u2019s as good as you can do, Bob?\u2014for a guy who created <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, it just indicates that there is a <em>lot <\/em>going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re looking for some <em>real <\/em>family life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we brought Ron Deal back into the studio again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our dirty laundry expert, right here!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ron, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> My wife doesn\u2019t think I\u2019m a dirty laundry expert. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, she doesn\u2019t?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No, she doesn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Ron is the Director of our Blended Family ministries, here at FamilyLife. You put together a Board of Advisers for this blended family initiative, Ron. In fact, why don\u2019t you introduce our other guests, here on the broadcast, because\u2014well, I\u2019ll let you share with them what their role is with what you are doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I needed help; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we gathered some people \/ some voices from around the country\u2014that are all blended families, and have different seasons of life, and different expertise in their professional lives and personal lives\u2014and pulled them together. It\u2019s really been a great board and very helpful to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob and Vicki Maday, who live in Atlanta, Georgia\u2014in the Atlanta area\u2014are part of that advisory group. They are joined with us today by their daughters. Bob\u2019s daughter, Katie, is with us; and Vicki\u2019s daughter, Jonell, is with us\u2014both adults, by the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let me set the circumstances, just so our listeners get this. Vicki, you were married for how many years before your husband passed away?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> We were married 24 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And how many kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Two daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then, Bob, you were married for how long before your wife passed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> I was married 34 years, and we had three children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then the two of you met, Bob, how long after your wife had passed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> I met Vicki about 45 days after my wife had passed, and then we were married a few months later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, generally speaking, we would advise people to wait a lot longer than 45 days before jumping into another relationship. Timing matters, not only for you, but for your kids. It matters in terms of your well-being and your ability to grieve the loss\u2014and not let that be something that pushes you into another relationship. It helps your kids, if there\u2019s been an amount of time that allows them to grieve, and the family kind of restabilizes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Katie, you\u2019re Bob\u2019s daughter, obviously. We\u2019re talking about how these blended families, which are so complex\u2014I mean, so many issues surrounding these two families coming together. You actually expressed how you were disappointed in some of your expectations around that first Christmas\u2014the differences in how you celebrate. Would you share that with our listening audience? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> Well, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Dad met Vicki\u2014and we met her, and they started moving forward with their relationship\u2014never guessed that we would have such stress around the holidays\u2014of what we were going to do, and who was going to be there, and were her kids going to be there? It was <em>very<\/em>, <em>very<\/em> stressful. We wanted to keep the traditions the same. I just remember praying, \u201cLord, give me wisdom and maturity with my dad and Vicki.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen things got really, really rough, one of my mentors looked at me and she said: \u201cDo you love your dad? Do you trust your dad? Then love him and trust him.\u201d That helped me move forward with the differences. I look forward to the holidays with Vicki\u2014she does an <em>amazing<\/em> job at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Katie, I asked your dad how he felt when he got to the end of that first Christmas and it was all over. He looked back, and it was kind of yucky. Did you feel like the first Christmas was kind of yucky too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> It definitely had a black cloud over it\u2014missing Mom \/ seeing Dad with a new woman. I had small children; but again, I can\u2019t express enough what an amazing job Vicki does. She loves those grandchildren, and she makes it so extremely special. She\u2019s added new traditions that my kids look forward to <em>every<\/em> <em>year<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jonell\u2014let me turn the tables to you because we\u2019ve talked about how Bob and Vicki and Katie felt after that first Christmas. What\u2019s your memory of the holiday season being over, and you looked back, and you thought, \u201cThat was okay,\u201d or, \u201cThat was lousy.\u201d What did you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Christmas at my house was <em>always<\/em> magical because it\u2019s my mom\u2019s favorite holiday\u2014she blows it out. My sister and I always had separate sides of the house. We knew exactly where our stuff was going to be laid out when we walked into the living room. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we showed up for Christmas that first Sunday, we did not know where to sit. We didn\u2019t know who was supposed to stand up and hand out the gifts. It was just a lot of guessing and just kind of sitting there, looking at one another and not participating in a way that we probably would have in our old home and the way we always did things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just remember receiving gifts, and packing them in the car, and standing there, just kind of looking at one another, saying: \u201cAlright, what are we supposed to do now?\u2014because the thing that took over the white space in the room, where no conversations were going on, is over. So, now, what do we do from this point?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You obviously felt like a foreigner in an unknown land. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was unknown territory for you. So give us some perspective: \u201cHas anything changed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Oh, yes! We have a fun time on Christmas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat first Christmas, I think we got him a gift card. We didn\u2019t even know exactly where to get it from. But now, we\u2019re saying, \u201cOkay, give me specific things that you want for Christmas,\u201d because I want him to have this big smile on his face when he sees that I\u2019ve come up with something that he\u2019s really wanted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPlus, we have three grandchildren joining our Christmas\u2014my sister has three boys. So, that\u2019s fun because we get to see Bob engage with them. A lot of the excitement is around them as well. So they\u2019ve brought a lot of laughter and joy to our Christmas that was missing that first Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay, I\u2019ve got a question for Bob and Vicki. You can both answer it or one of you can take a stab at it. If you had one thing to say to adult children, who are moving into a blended family, as you begin to move toward the holidays, what\u2019s one coaching tip or one thought you\u2019d want to make sure adult children hear and think about as they move toward the holidays?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> The initial thing that I would say, probably, is to ask the adult children to extend grace. They will eventually get there. [Emotion in voice] Jonell and Katie are prime examples of early adopters that had faith. They extended grace to the relationship\u2014they trusted me \/ trusted Vicki, trusted our love, trusted the Lord\u2014and we\u2019re moving to a much better spot. The process works!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things Vicki and I have always believed, and that we put front and center in our family\u2014I believe that a healthy marriage draws everything to it\u2014including children, including friends, including people that you lose during a remarriage. [Emotion in voice] Focusing on a healthy marriage brings all things together\u2014it will come to it. So, my counsel to adult children would be, \u201cExtend grace and time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I love that advice. He\u2019s right on! You know, one of the things that is going on there is\u2014adult children, teenagers, even older kids\u2014if they could make that choice to embrace their new expanded family, then it really makes everything easier for everybody. The difficulty is when adults\/parents try to force kids to do that. Kids have to do it on their own time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> But let\u2019s turn the question to the daughters now. Jonell and Katie, what advice would you give to remarried parents, who are bringing their children, no matter what their age, into a new stepfamily? What advice would you give <em>them<\/em> about how to manage the holidays? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> I have two things I would say: \u201cGo slower,\u201d because everything\u2014from starting with meeting each other and getting married\u2014from that point is like a roller-coaster for the children because they are moving at a high pace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are not ready or equipped to keep up with them. I know this sounds a little bad sometimes\u2014but have lower expectations because, if you lower your expectations and they exceed that, then you\u2019ll chalk that up as a successful day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> You know, I just remember that first Christmas. If we could have just focused on the positive\u2014and who was there, and who\u2019s making strides to make the relationships and keep the relationships\u2014rather than focusing on the negative, it wouldn\u2019t have been such a dark cloud that day. Also, just talk to your grown-up kids because they can articulate what they want, and what they want to change, and what they don\u2019t want to change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s a lot of wisdom in what those two young women had to say\u2014essentially, encouraging parents to focus on what they do have rather than focusing on what they don\u2019t have, as a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, tie into those old relationships. I really believe that biological parents fall into the trap of neglecting their own children for the sake of trying to build relationship with the stepchildren. That\u2019s understandable because you\u2019re trying to reach across this gap and build a relationship, but don\u2019t\u2014don\u2019t forget to stay close with your own kids. Keep that line of communication open\u2014listen to them, hear them, and don\u2019t be afraid of their negative emotions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKids will have mixed feelings. They will be confused about the new family and happy about it all, at the same time. They will feel disloyal to a parent who has died or a parent that is in another home. At the same time, they\u2019re still trying to connect. Don\u2019t force them or expect them to feel certain things to make <em>you<\/em> feel good. You\u2019ve got to meet them where they are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Vicki, I\u2019m just curious\u2014as you think ahead, how will this Christmas be different than the first Christmas was? What have you learned over the years? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat would you do differently if you could go back and redo that first Christmas? How is this going to be a different year?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> We love our kids more than anything!\u00a0 [Emotion in voice] Bob and I\u2014although we were praying <em>constantly<\/em> and asking for the Lord\u2019s wisdom\u2014we were just so self-centered in our couple-ness. We could not even <em>see<\/em> what was going on with our <em>kids<\/em>. Sitting here\u2014listening to Jonell express that and listening to Katie\u2014I just wish we could go back and have a do-over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn years to come, we do like to focus on fun. We do something called Santa\u2019s Antics. It\u2019s where we have little competitions and games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess we\u2019re more sentimental now. We\u2019re actually feeling those <em>true<\/em> feelings of love for one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose grandchildren are my grandchildren, and Katie is like a daughter. We\u2019re just beginning to feel that. We\u2019re in our fifth year. We\u2019re beginning to feel those more loving feelings toward one another. Only God could open our hearts for that. That\u2019s making the Christmas time more anticipated, more exciting for us all, I think. I\u2019m getting a lot more feedback from them on, \u201cAre we going to do this for Christmas?\u201d and a lot more input, and a lot more participation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Bob and Dennis, what Vicki is sharing is something that families listening \/ couples listening, right now, need to hear\u2014that is: \u201cYou may have regrets. You may have, \u2018I wish we could go back and do it over,\u2019 but you can\u2019t. You\u2019re in process, and there\u2019s <em>hope<\/em> in that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, listen to their stories\u2014as parents and adult children are talking today\u2014they\u2019re sharing this perspective that: \u201cWow, in the beginning, we didn\u2019t know what to do,\u201d \u201cI felt like a stranger in this home,\u201d \u201cIt didn\u2019t feel like home. I was a foreigner,\u201d \u201cWe wanted to handle it this way, but we learned that backfired.\u201d Then, year two, and, then, year three\u2014and now, they\u2019re talking about traditions that people are looking forward to. They\u2019re talking about how kids and grandkids are kind of solidifying everybody together, as a family. Do you hear what\u2019s happening? They are <em>becoming<\/em> family to one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s an important message for stepfamilies. You\u2019re not just <em>born<\/em> a family on the day of the wedding \/ you <em>become<\/em> a family as you walk it out over time. The holidays\u2014as mixed a bag as they are of emotions, and happiness, and sadness\u2014it\u2019s one of those ways you become family. You develop traditions; and eventually, there are tremendous rewards. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to ask Katie to address Vicki, and I want to ask Jonell to address Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d just like you to express a small tribute, verbally, to both of them for their heroic love for one another and for your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> Well, I guess Vicki probably already knows this because we do have such a close relationship; but right after she and Dad got married, I went through some personal stuff. She was there for me in a motherly-way and a friend-way. She talks to me, like a mother. She calls me out, like a mother. She loves me, like a mother; and she is one of my best friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that she loves my children warms my heart. I am <em>so<\/em> <em>lucky<\/em> that my kids have a GiGi and a Big Daddy. The things that she does for us behind the scenes\u2014if you knew this woman\u2014she\u2019s always thinking of somebody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just love her, and I\u2019m <em>so<\/em> <em>grateful<\/em> that you make my dad so happy!\u00a0 [Emotion in voice]\u00a0 You were sent to us from God, and I\u2019m just so grateful!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jonell, your turn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Well, I think Bob and I have a great relationship, but we\u2019re still working on that father\/daughter relationship. [Emotion in voice] Just like Katie said, I love the way he looks at my mom\u2014the way she\u2019s on the forefront of his brain, you know, with every idea and every decision. Their marriage is such an inspiration to my marriage. I can go to them\u2014and just how much wisdom they can give me, just from their marriage and the things that they\u2019ve, technically, have been able to redo in this marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked my mom a couple of weeks ago\u2014I said, \u201cIf you and Bob met, as your first marriage, do you think you would have the <em>same<\/em> marriage you have now?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because, in my heart, I feel like they are able to take and learn from their past marriages to make this one a wonderful inspiration to all the other marriages in our families, and in our churches, and in our communities. So, thanks, Bob, for loving Mommy the way you do. You can just see it in his eyes when he looks at her. So, I really thank you for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron Deal, blended families can get to a pretty good place; can\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> They really can. I\u2019ve said it many times on this broadcast and I\u2019m going to continue saying it: \u201cBlended families, done right\u2014done with the grace of God\u2014can be homes of redemption. God uses us in all types of family situations. He always has\u2014just read your Old Testament. We can be beacons of light in this world.\u201d <em>This<\/em> family is good evidence of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I hear two things there that just scream at me from Bob and Vicki\u2019s relationship with their adult children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, Jesus Christ is at the center of their relationship. They\u2019re calling out to Him in prayer. Secondly, they\u2019re not afraid to lead. They\u2019re leading out and providing direction, and calling their family \/ both families to follow them. That\u2019s what, ultimately, has to occur in any family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Make Jesus Christ the builder, and take the initiative to lead, and set a direction for where you\u2019re going, realizing that the race is cross-country\u2014it\u2019s not a sprint.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and the degree of difficulty in a blended family is higher. The hills get a little steeper in that cross-country race when you\u2019re in a blended family. That\u2019s why to have counsel like we\u2019ve tried to provide today\u2014what the Madays have shared with us \/ what you\u2019ve shared with us here, Ron\u2014I think all of this is very helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just point you to Ron\u2019s book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily,<\/em> which we have in our <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book offers very wise, practical counsel on how you make a stepfamily as good as it can be. In addition to that book, Ron has recently written a new booklet for children, called <em>Life in a Blender<\/em>. This is for kids\u2014from the late elementary years up through high school\u2014to help them understand and put words to some of the emotions that they\u2019re feeling. In fact, it may be good for adult children to read <em>Life in a Blender. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Ron\u2019s new book, <em>Life in a Blender,<\/em> and <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> book, and other resources we have available, here at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call for more information\u20141-800-FL-TODAY is the number\u20141-800-358-6329 \/ that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tQuickly, I want to remind you of something Dennis shared at the beginning of today\u2019s program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is, of course, listener-supported. Our hope, during the month of December, is that many of our listeners will consider making a yearend contribution to support the ministry. If you are able to do that today, your donation is going to be matched with a special two-to-one match. If you make a donation of, we\u2019ll say, $50, it gets matched with a donation of $100, meaning that we get to take advantage of a full $150 donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe matching gift fund that has been established for FamilyLife this year is at $2 million. We\u2019re trying to take full advantage of that matching gift. So, would you consider going online at FamilyLifeToday.com and making as generous of a donation as you can possibly make?\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY \/ you can make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if you want to see how close we are to our $2 million match, the information is available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about something that a lot of people struggle with during the holiday season\u2014that\u2019s the subject of depression. We\u2019ll talk to Pastor Tommy Nelson and his wife. Tommy shares about the extended season of depression that he went through a number of years back. I hope you can tune in for that conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.13M"],"filesize_raw":["25304203"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303782.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303782.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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family Christmas traditions is very challenging. Bob and Vicki Maday's respective daughters describe the uncomfortable but inevitable tension that exists in a new blended family's Christmas traditions.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-12-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you stopped to consider for a moment what the holidays are like for kids who are in a freshly-blended family? Here\u2019s author and speaker Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Kids will have mixed feelings. They will be confused about the new family and happy about it, all at the same time. They will feel disloyal to a parent who has died or a parent that is in another home; and at the same time, they\u2019re still trying to connect. Don\u2019t force them or expect them to feel certain things to make <em>you<\/em> feel good. You\u2019ve got to meet them where they are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What can parents do during the holidays to help children in a blended family have a happy Christmas season? We\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay tuned.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just sitting here trying to think of a metaphor. We\u2019ve already talked about photo-shopped photography as a metaphor for a blended family this week; but some other metaphor\u2014give me a second to think about this because there was something else you wanted to talk about at the beginning of today\u2019s program anyway; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There was, Bob. I was getting off a plane here recently in Denver. A young mom stopped me\u2014she said, \u201cAre you Dennis Rainey?\u201d I said, \u201cI am.\u201d I looked at her. She was pregnant and toting a two-year-old in her arms. She had a three and a four-year-old kind of in line, following her. She said: \u201cI just want to thank you for your ministry. This weekend, my brother-in-law and his wife are going to the <em>Weekend<\/em> <em>to<\/em> <em>Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. And next weekend, my brother and his wife are going to the <em>Weekend<\/em> <em>to<\/em> <em>Remember<\/em>.\u201d She said: \u201cWe just couldn\u2019t do it all without you guys. We really appreciate your ministry!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s a radio listener. You could tell, with all the kids she\u2019s got, under four years \/ five years of age\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014she can use some help!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014she can use some help. So, as you think about your metaphor for a family, Bob, I think it\u2019s all about growing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s about growing kids the way the Bible teaches us to grow them. What <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is\u2014we want to be your trusted advisor\/your coach at every age and at every stage of your family\u2019s life. We want to equip you with the practical biblical solutions to the issues your marriage and family are facing in this day and age. There are a lot of them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo do that, though, Bob, we need some heroes to come alongside FamilyLife and to make this ministry possible to moms like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and we\u2019ve had some friends recently, who have come to us and said that, during the month of December, they want to give us a boost. They have agreed that, when a listener makes a contribution in support of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>this month, they\u2019re going to make a double contribution in response. If a listener comes along and says, \u201cI can give you guys $50,\u201d they\u2019re going to say, \u201cWe\u2019ll match that with $100.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife winds up with a $150 donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that person becomes a hero because we\u2019re going to turn that $150 into help and hope for people\u2019s marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, they\u2019ve agreed to go as high as $2 million on that matching gift. We want to take advantage of every bit of that. To do that, we need listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a donation online\u2014or to call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone and say: \u201cI believe in this ministry. I think what you\u2019re doing is a good thing, and I want to see it continue. I\u2019m glad that my donation is getting matched, two-for-one, here in the month of December.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if you\u2019ve received help and hope in your marriage, what better place to invest your money than to come alongside FamilyLife at this time of year. Now, I want you to know that your giving needs to begin with your local church. We don\u2019t want to take anything away from that, but we do want to encourage you to stand with us because we\u2019re standing alongside you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Once again, the website where you can donate is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019ve been working on this metaphor for a messy family\u2014maybe a pile of dirty laundry? Maybe that\u2019s not what we should go with here. [Laughter] Maybe that just conjures up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A pile of dirty laundry?! That\u2019s as good as you can do, Bob?\u2014for a guy who created <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, it just indicates that there is a <em>lot <\/em>going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re looking for some <em>real <\/em>family life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we brought Ron Deal back into the studio again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our dirty laundry expert, right here!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ron, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> My wife doesn\u2019t think I\u2019m a dirty laundry expert. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, she doesn\u2019t?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No, she doesn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Ron is the Director of our Blended Family ministries, here at FamilyLife. You put together a Board of Advisers for this blended family initiative, Ron. In fact, why don\u2019t you introduce our other guests, here on the broadcast, because\u2014well, I\u2019ll let you share with them what their role is with what you are doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I needed help; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we gathered some people \/ some voices from around the country\u2014that are all blended families, and have different seasons of life, and different expertise in their professional lives and personal lives\u2014and pulled them together. It\u2019s really been a great board and very helpful to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob and Vicki Maday, who live in Atlanta, Georgia\u2014in the Atlanta area\u2014are part of that advisory group. They are joined with us today by their daughters. Bob\u2019s daughter, Katie, is with us; and Vicki\u2019s daughter, Jonell, is with us\u2014both adults, by the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let me set the circumstances, just so our listeners get this. Vicki, you were married for how many years before your husband passed away?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> We were married 24 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And how many kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Two daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then, Bob, you were married for how long before your wife passed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> I was married 34 years, and we had three children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then the two of you met, Bob, how long after your wife had passed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> I met Vicki about 45 days after my wife had passed, and then we were married a few months later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, generally speaking, we would advise people to wait a lot longer than 45 days before jumping into another relationship. Timing matters, not only for you, but for your kids. It matters in terms of your well-being and your ability to grieve the loss\u2014and not let that be something that pushes you into another relationship. It helps your kids, if there\u2019s been an amount of time that allows them to grieve, and the family kind of restabilizes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Katie, you\u2019re Bob\u2019s daughter, obviously. We\u2019re talking about how these blended families, which are so complex\u2014I mean, so many issues surrounding these two families coming together. You actually expressed how you were disappointed in some of your expectations around that first Christmas\u2014the differences in how you celebrate. Would you share that with our listening audience? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> Well, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Dad met Vicki\u2014and we met her, and they started moving forward with their relationship\u2014never guessed that we would have such stress around the holidays\u2014of what we were going to do, and who was going to be there, and were her kids going to be there? It was <em>very<\/em>, <em>very<\/em> stressful. We wanted to keep the traditions the same. I just remember praying, \u201cLord, give me wisdom and maturity with my dad and Vicki.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen things got really, really rough, one of my mentors looked at me and she said: \u201cDo you love your dad? Do you trust your dad? Then love him and trust him.\u201d That helped me move forward with the differences. I look forward to the holidays with Vicki\u2014she does an <em>amazing<\/em> job at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Katie, I asked your dad how he felt when he got to the end of that first Christmas and it was all over. He looked back, and it was kind of yucky. Did you feel like the first Christmas was kind of yucky too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> It definitely had a black cloud over it\u2014missing Mom \/ seeing Dad with a new woman. I had small children; but again, I can\u2019t express enough what an amazing job Vicki does. She loves those grandchildren, and she makes it so extremely special. She\u2019s added new traditions that my kids look forward to <em>every<\/em> <em>year<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jonell\u2014let me turn the tables to you because we\u2019ve talked about how Bob and Vicki and Katie felt after that first Christmas. What\u2019s your memory of the holiday season being over, and you looked back, and you thought, \u201cThat was okay,\u201d or, \u201cThat was lousy.\u201d What did you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Christmas at my house was <em>always<\/em> magical because it\u2019s my mom\u2019s favorite holiday\u2014she blows it out. My sister and I always had separate sides of the house. We knew exactly where our stuff was going to be laid out when we walked into the living room. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we showed up for Christmas that first Sunday, we did not know where to sit. We didn\u2019t know who was supposed to stand up and hand out the gifts. It was just a lot of guessing and just kind of sitting there, looking at one another and not participating in a way that we probably would have in our old home and the way we always did things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just remember receiving gifts, and packing them in the car, and standing there, just kind of looking at one another, saying: \u201cAlright, what are we supposed to do now?\u2014because the thing that took over the white space in the room, where no conversations were going on, is over. So, now, what do we do from this point?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You obviously felt like a foreigner in an unknown land. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was unknown territory for you. So give us some perspective: \u201cHas anything changed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Oh, yes! We have a fun time on Christmas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat first Christmas, I think we got him a gift card. We didn\u2019t even know exactly where to get it from. But now, we\u2019re saying, \u201cOkay, give me specific things that you want for Christmas,\u201d because I want him to have this big smile on his face when he sees that I\u2019ve come up with something that he\u2019s really wanted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPlus, we have three grandchildren joining our Christmas\u2014my sister has three boys. So, that\u2019s fun because we get to see Bob engage with them. A lot of the excitement is around them as well. So they\u2019ve brought a lot of laughter and joy to our Christmas that was missing that first Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay, I\u2019ve got a question for Bob and Vicki. You can both answer it or one of you can take a stab at it. If you had one thing to say to adult children, who are moving into a blended family, as you begin to move toward the holidays, what\u2019s one coaching tip or one thought you\u2019d want to make sure adult children hear and think about as they move toward the holidays?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> The initial thing that I would say, probably, is to ask the adult children to extend grace. They will eventually get there. [Emotion in voice] Jonell and Katie are prime examples of early adopters that had faith. They extended grace to the relationship\u2014they trusted me \/ trusted Vicki, trusted our love, trusted the Lord\u2014and we\u2019re moving to a much better spot. The process works!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things Vicki and I have always believed, and that we put front and center in our family\u2014I believe that a healthy marriage draws everything to it\u2014including children, including friends, including people that you lose during a remarriage. [Emotion in voice] Focusing on a healthy marriage brings all things together\u2014it will come to it. So, my counsel to adult children would be, \u201cExtend grace and time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I love that advice. He\u2019s right on! You know, one of the things that is going on there is\u2014adult children, teenagers, even older kids\u2014if they could make that choice to embrace their new expanded family, then it really makes everything easier for everybody. The difficulty is when adults\/parents try to force kids to do that. Kids have to do it on their own time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> But let\u2019s turn the question to the daughters now. Jonell and Katie, what advice would you give to remarried parents, who are bringing their children, no matter what their age, into a new stepfamily? What advice would you give <em>them<\/em> about how to manage the holidays? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> I have two things I would say: \u201cGo slower,\u201d because everything\u2014from starting with meeting each other and getting married\u2014from that point is like a roller-coaster for the children because they are moving at a high pace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are not ready or equipped to keep up with them. I know this sounds a little bad sometimes\u2014but have lower expectations because, if you lower your expectations and they exceed that, then you\u2019ll chalk that up as a successful day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> You know, I just remember that first Christmas. If we could have just focused on the positive\u2014and who was there, and who\u2019s making strides to make the relationships and keep the relationships\u2014rather than focusing on the negative, it wouldn\u2019t have been such a dark cloud that day. Also, just talk to your grown-up kids because they can articulate what they want, and what they want to change, and what they don\u2019t want to change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s a lot of wisdom in what those two young women had to say\u2014essentially, encouraging parents to focus on what they do have rather than focusing on what they don\u2019t have, as a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, tie into those old relationships. I really believe that biological parents fall into the trap of neglecting their own children for the sake of trying to build relationship with the stepchildren. That\u2019s understandable because you\u2019re trying to reach across this gap and build a relationship, but don\u2019t\u2014don\u2019t forget to stay close with your own kids. Keep that line of communication open\u2014listen to them, hear them, and don\u2019t be afraid of their negative emotions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKids will have mixed feelings. They will be confused about the new family and happy about it all, at the same time. They will feel disloyal to a parent who has died or a parent that is in another home. At the same time, they\u2019re still trying to connect. Don\u2019t force them or expect them to feel certain things to make <em>you<\/em> feel good. You\u2019ve got to meet them where they are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Vicki, I\u2019m just curious\u2014as you think ahead, how will this Christmas be different than the first Christmas was? What have you learned over the years? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat would you do differently if you could go back and redo that first Christmas? How is this going to be a different year?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> We love our kids more than anything!\u00a0 [Emotion in voice] Bob and I\u2014although we were praying <em>constantly<\/em> and asking for the Lord\u2019s wisdom\u2014we were just so self-centered in our couple-ness. We could not even <em>see<\/em> what was going on with our <em>kids<\/em>. Sitting here\u2014listening to Jonell express that and listening to Katie\u2014I just wish we could go back and have a do-over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn years to come, we do like to focus on fun. We do something called Santa\u2019s Antics. It\u2019s where we have little competitions and games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess we\u2019re more sentimental now. We\u2019re actually feeling those <em>true<\/em> feelings of love for one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose grandchildren are my grandchildren, and Katie is like a daughter. We\u2019re just beginning to feel that. We\u2019re in our fifth year. We\u2019re beginning to feel those more loving feelings toward one another. Only God could open our hearts for that. That\u2019s making the Christmas time more anticipated, more exciting for us all, I think. I\u2019m getting a lot more feedback from them on, \u201cAre we going to do this for Christmas?\u201d and a lot more input, and a lot more participation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Bob and Dennis, what Vicki is sharing is something that families listening \/ couples listening, right now, need to hear\u2014that is: \u201cYou may have regrets. You may have, \u2018I wish we could go back and do it over,\u2019 but you can\u2019t. You\u2019re in process, and there\u2019s <em>hope<\/em> in that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, listen to their stories\u2014as parents and adult children are talking today\u2014they\u2019re sharing this perspective that: \u201cWow, in the beginning, we didn\u2019t know what to do,\u201d \u201cI felt like a stranger in this home,\u201d \u201cIt didn\u2019t feel like home. I was a foreigner,\u201d \u201cWe wanted to handle it this way, but we learned that backfired.\u201d Then, year two, and, then, year three\u2014and now, they\u2019re talking about traditions that people are looking forward to. They\u2019re talking about how kids and grandkids are kind of solidifying everybody together, as a family. Do you hear what\u2019s happening? They are <em>becoming<\/em> family to one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s an important message for stepfamilies. You\u2019re not just <em>born<\/em> a family on the day of the wedding \/ you <em>become<\/em> a family as you walk it out over time. The holidays\u2014as mixed a bag as they are of emotions, and happiness, and sadness\u2014it\u2019s one of those ways you become family. You develop traditions; and eventually, there are tremendous rewards. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to ask Katie to address Vicki, and I want to ask Jonell to address Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d just like you to express a small tribute, verbally, to both of them for their heroic love for one another and for your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katie:<\/strong> Well, I guess Vicki probably already knows this because we do have such a close relationship; but right after she and Dad got married, I went through some personal stuff. She was there for me in a motherly-way and a friend-way. She talks to me, like a mother. She calls me out, like a mother. She loves me, like a mother; and she is one of my best friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that she loves my children warms my heart. I am <em>so<\/em> <em>lucky<\/em> that my kids have a GiGi and a Big Daddy. The things that she does for us behind the scenes\u2014if you knew this woman\u2014she\u2019s always thinking of somebody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just love her, and I\u2019m <em>so<\/em> <em>grateful<\/em> that you make my dad so happy!\u00a0 [Emotion in voice]\u00a0 You were sent to us from God, and I\u2019m just so grateful!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jonell, your turn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonell:<\/strong> Well, I think Bob and I have a great relationship, but we\u2019re still working on that father\/daughter relationship. [Emotion in voice] Just like Katie said, I love the way he looks at my mom\u2014the way she\u2019s on the forefront of his brain, you know, with every idea and every decision. Their marriage is such an inspiration to my marriage. I can go to them\u2014and just how much wisdom they can give me, just from their marriage and the things that they\u2019ve, technically, have been able to redo in this marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked my mom a couple of weeks ago\u2014I said, \u201cIf you and Bob met, as your first marriage, do you think you would have the <em>same<\/em> marriage you have now?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because, in my heart, I feel like they are able to take and learn from their past marriages to make this one a wonderful inspiration to all the other marriages in our families, and in our churches, and in our communities. So, thanks, Bob, for loving Mommy the way you do. You can just see it in his eyes when he looks at her. So, I really thank you for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron Deal, blended families can get to a pretty good place; can\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> They really can. I\u2019ve said it many times on this broadcast and I\u2019m going to continue saying it: \u201cBlended families, done right\u2014done with the grace of God\u2014can be homes of redemption. God uses us in all types of family situations. He always has\u2014just read your Old Testament. We can be beacons of light in this world.\u201d <em>This<\/em> family is good evidence of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I hear two things there that just scream at me from Bob and Vicki\u2019s relationship with their adult children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, Jesus Christ is at the center of their relationship. They\u2019re calling out to Him in prayer. Secondly, they\u2019re not afraid to lead. They\u2019re leading out and providing direction, and calling their family \/ both families to follow them. That\u2019s what, ultimately, has to occur in any family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Make Jesus Christ the builder, and take the initiative to lead, and set a direction for where you\u2019re going, realizing that the race is cross-country\u2014it\u2019s not a sprint.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and the degree of difficulty in a blended family is higher. The hills get a little steeper in that cross-country race when you\u2019re in a blended family. That\u2019s why to have counsel like we\u2019ve tried to provide today\u2014what the Madays have shared with us \/ what you\u2019ve shared with us here, Ron\u2014I think all of this is very helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just point you to Ron\u2019s book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily,<\/em> which we have in our <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book offers very wise, practical counsel on how you make a stepfamily as good as it can be. In addition to that book, Ron has recently written a new booklet for children, called <em>Life in a Blender<\/em>. This is for kids\u2014from the late elementary years up through high school\u2014to help them understand and put words to some of the emotions that they\u2019re feeling. In fact, it may be good for adult children to read <em>Life in a Blender. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Ron\u2019s new book, <em>Life in a Blender,<\/em> and <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> book, and other resources we have available, here at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call for more information\u20141-800-FL-TODAY is the number\u20141-800-358-6329 \/ that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tQuickly, I want to remind you of something Dennis shared at the beginning of today\u2019s program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is, of course, listener-supported. Our hope, during the month of December, is that many of our listeners will consider making a yearend contribution to support the ministry. If you are able to do that today, your donation is going to be matched with a special two-to-one match. If you make a donation of, we\u2019ll say, $50, it gets matched with a donation of $100, meaning that we get to take advantage of a full $150 donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe matching gift fund that has been established for FamilyLife this year is at $2 million. We\u2019re trying to take full advantage of that matching gift. So, would you consider going online at FamilyLifeToday.com and making as generous of a donation as you can possibly make?\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY \/ you can make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if you want to see how close we are to our $2 million match, the information is available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about something that a lot of people struggle with during the holiday season\u2014that\u2019s the subject of depression. We\u2019ll talk to Pastor Tommy Nelson and his wife. Tommy shares about the extended season of depression that he went through a number of years back. I hope you can tune in for that conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303782","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303782"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303782"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303782"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303782"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303782"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303782"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303782"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}