{"id":303726,"date":"2015-10-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-10-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-grip-of-gossip\/"},"modified":"2025-01-09T13:31:40","modified_gmt":"2025-01-09T18:31:40","slug":"the-grip-of-gossip","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-grip-of-gossip\/","title":{"rendered":"The Grip of Gossip"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Nelson Searcy | Series: Tongue Pierced | Heard any juicy gossip lately? Maybe you should keep it to yourself. Author and pastor Nelson Searcy wonders why gossip has become an acceptable sin outside and inside the church. Nelson warns that gossip destroys relationships, churches, and marriages so we as believers would be wise to think before we speak.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author and pastor Nelson Searcy wonders why gossip has become an acceptable sin outside and inside the church. Nelson warns that gossip destroys relationships, churches, and marriages.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-10-30.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.07M","filesize_raw":"24190684","date_recorded":"2015-10-30 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2934],"tags":[4249,5851,5852],"podcast_series":[8108],"cwp_profile":[3327],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303726","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-gossip","tag-gossiping","tag-how-to-stop-gossiping","podcast_series-tongue-pierced","cwp_profile-nelson-searcy","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303726\/the-grip-of-gossip","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303726\/the-grip-of-gossip","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"W1wlxwxscI\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-grip-of-gossip\/\">The Grip of Gossip<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-grip-of-gossip\/embed\/#?secret=W1wlxwxscI\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Grip of Gossip&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"W1wlxwxscI\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Author and pastor Nelson Searcy wonders why gossip has become an acceptable sin outside and inside the church. Nelson warns that gossip destroys relationships, churches, and marriages.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-10-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>When was the last time you said something affirming \/ spoke words of praise to your spouse?\u00a0 Here\u2019s Pastor Nelson Searcy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>It is, in a way, the fertilizer for both love and respect inside of the marriage; but what happens over time is\u2014this praise that we said when we were dating\u2014it goes away. We begin to take one another for granted. I just want to bring a new awareness to that\u2014of saying, \u201cLet\u2019s, at least, make sure our praises outnumber our criticisms; but maybe \/ just maybe we could focus even more on praise and eliminate the negative.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. There are a lot of good things you can do with your tongue\u2014with how you speak to others\u2014and there are some not so good things as well. We\u2019ll talk about both of them today. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Heard any good gossip recently, Bob?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m just\u2014I heard about this national radio host who got an email one night at 10:30, and he cussed. I heard that. Is that\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>That\u2019s been making the rounds\u2014I have to say I\u2019ve heard that too. [Laughter]\u00a0 I\u2019m just saying I\u2019m saying it in love, as a prayer request.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow; wow. Did that\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You set yourself up for that one, brother. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014did that turn around and bite me?\u00a0 You know, you used to protect me, Bob; but now, you throw me under the bus. [Laughter] Just so folks, who didn\u2019t hear that story, understand\u2014I did say a bad word.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You let one slip.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I did.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>First time in\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I wouldn\u2019t say\u2014I don\u2019t want to get into \u201cFirst time in \u2018x\u2019\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just hadn\u2019t said one\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201ca while\u2014first time in a while.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Quite a while. It was just appropriate on the broadcast to be able to mention because I think we were sounding a little too pious in here because of you saying the word, \u201cstink\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014which we all agreed would become number one on Bob\u2019s Christian replacement words for cursing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, do you say, \u201cHeck?\u201d\u00a0 Do you say, \u201cWhat the heck?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think I\u2019ve probably said that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>See, that\u2019s just a replacement word; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; yes, I get it. Well, let\u2019s cut to the chase and talk about gossip today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let\u2019s do it!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, we\u2019ve been stepping on toes this week. Let\u2019s\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let\u2019s step on a few more?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s step on a couple more.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Alright.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to talk about gossip and praising your spouse and your kids today. To help us do that, Nelson Searcy is going to join us on the broadcast. Welcome back, Nelson. I\u2019m surprised you came back with a host\u2014[Laughter] \u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014who is as flawed as Dennis. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>I\u2019m just glad to be the confessor here\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014as flawed as Bob and me\u2014I mean, both of us; huh?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>\u2014to help you receive your forgiveness, as the pastor.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He is the author of <em>Tongue Pierced<\/em> and pastor of the Journey Church in New York City, Boca Raton, and a number of other spots around the country.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And he\u2019s just stepping on toes big time. Let\u2019s talk about gossip, then.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Well, before we do that, I do have a verse for the radio show. This was pointed out to me by another radio host, Bob\u2014it\u2019s from Proverbs 12:23. I don\u2019t think it applies to <em>this<\/em> broadcast\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Good; good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>\u2014but it reads\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I think, maybe, good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>\u2014it says: \u201cThe wise don\u2019t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness,\u201d\u2014is Proverbs 12:23. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve had our days. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, we have. That\u2019s a part of what we try to do, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014is appropriately be authentic to let people know that the God we serve is a God of grace, who meets us where we are in our brokenness, and He helps us grow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s what\u2014you admitted earlier that you grew up in a home where cursing was kind of second nature. You\u2019ve struggled with that, as a man, husband, father.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>What about gossip?\u00a0 Have you struggled with that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Well, gossip is sort of the acceptable sin in the church because we all know, Bob, it\u2019s not gossip\u2014it\u2019s a prayer request.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>[Laughter]\u00a0 So, I\u2019d like to share a prayer request with you about Dennis; and how I hear his language has been rather loose these days.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Or \u201cDid you hear about\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. We do somehow, I think, move to the edge of our seats because everybody likes to be in the know. It really is kind of god-like, in a way\u2014we like to have knowledge that other people don\u2019t have. What is at the root of gossip, though?\u00a0 Is it a power play?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Well, at the root of that\u2014plain and simple\u2014gossip is a sin. The Bible talks very clearly about that. When we really back up and think about it, we see how gossip has destroyed organizations. We\u2019ve seen how it has destroyed leaders. Sometimes, it\u2019s not the sin that they actually committed; but it\u2019s the gossip that\u2019s been around the sin. Gossip can destroy a relationship. We can all think of times where gossip has destroyed a church. Inside of a church, we have to be very, very aware of that; but then, gossip can also destroy a marriage and destroy family connections.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So, we have to be really careful.<\/p>\n<p>There is an attraction to gossip. You know, Proverbs 18 [verse 8] says, \u201cThe words of a gossiper are like choice morsels\u201d\u2014from the Cheesecake Factory, like you were at\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, there you go. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>\u2014the other day\u2014\u201cthey go down to the inmost parts.\u201d\u00a0 So, there is something about gossip that we\u2019re all naturally attracted to. It\u2019s part of our sinful nature that we want to know what nobody else knows. We like to think, maybe, other people are doing these bad things. We have to be aware of this decadent temptation, called gossip, and how bad it can be.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think it is a power play of sorts.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>It is.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think we feel better about ourselves when we can catch ourselves thinking about or passing on news about somebody, who has slipped or fallen or done something stupid or foolish. In the end, we\u2019re trying to make ourselves look better than we really are.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>We lift ourselves up by tearing others down. That\u2019s exactly right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, here is my question: \u201cHow can I know\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014because let\u2019s say I hear something about a pastor in a church, out somewhere, and there has been a problem. I\u2019ve heard about this and I think: \u2018I better pass this on to Dennis. I better let him know what\u2019s going on.\u2019\u00a0 How can I tell whether that\u2019s passing on appropriate information \/ it\u2019s a prayer request\u2014it\u2019s something that I\u2019m asking him to do? Or it\u2019s just gossip?\u00a0 Is there a way to try and distinguish what\u2019s in your heart at that point?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>The best determining factor that I\u2019ve heard is: \u201cAm I sharing this with someone who can do something about the situation?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Or \u201c\u2026who may be impacted by it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. So, if it is relative to their life\u2014it impacts them \/ they can actually do something about it or not do something because of it\u2014then, I think it is appropriate. So, if Dennis was going to speak at that church or was going to be involved with that organization\u2014and you have relative information to that \/ that can be proven as true\u2014then, you\u2019re passing along truth.<\/p>\n<p>But more importantly, behind gossip, oftentimes, is a lie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So, we have to be really careful that we\u2019re not just telling <em>lies<\/em> about someone else. We use gossip as a way to couch this idea that I\u2019m really telling a lie about someone\u2014or at best, an unfounded truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And there\u2019s where the Internet can be really dangerous today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>No, everything you read out there is true; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>If it\u2019s on the Internet, it\u2019s true!\u00a0 [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think some of us\u2014perhaps, who are an older generation, now\u2014tend to think of that in that way. I mean, I think if we read it, we believe it. It\u2019s why there are such sites as Snopes and other locations to be able to uncover those things which are true lies.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>I\u2019m just thinking, right now, someone is posting on their Twitter: \u201cNelson Searcy said, \u2018If it\u2019s on the Internet, it\u2019s true; and Dennis Rainey just agreed with him.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go!\u00a0 There you go!\u00a0 And out of context, that\u2019s a lie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s what the Internet has done, and that\u2019s really what social media has done.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It has made it easier\/quicker, and perhaps, exponentially increased the impact of gossip.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. So, you\u2019re on Twitter; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong><em>Reluctantly<\/em>, I am on social media. That is a whole other issue in and of itself when we think about the tongue-pierced lifestyle\u2014of not only what we say to one another but what we say, online, and how that can be spread so quickly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, I\u2019m just sitting here, thinking, \u201cIs Twitter just one large gossip pool?\u201d Or, I mean, there are some people who will post passages from the Bible on Twitter or they\u2019ll\u2014I\u2019ve been watching sporting contests and tweeted about things I\u2019ve seen. I guess there is effective communication there, but it can also be a seed bed for exactly what you\u2019re talking about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Well, you raise a really interesting point\u2014that part of the tongue-pierced lifestyle is words in all of our lives. So, there are the words that we say\u2014which is primarily what we\u2019ve talked about over the last few days\u2014but then, there are the words we put online.<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You think about something that I\u2019m a little more familiar with\u2014like Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. If you post something that is unfounded and then I like it\u2014in essence, I\u2019m giving my authority \/ my agreement to that. I can\u2019t help that I read it because I follow you or I\u2019m friends with you; but I can resist the temptation to spread it, or to indemnify it, or give dignity to it because I like it or pass it along.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nelson, you just used the term, tongue pierced. That\u2019s the title of your book. The tongue-pierced lifestyle is a concept you talk about in your book. Unpack that quickly for the listener.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Yes. The idea of tongue pierced\u2014which is, in some ways, a little questionable to use that word. It\u2019s a cultural word, where people literally\u2014like you would do with an earring \/ they would pierce their ears\u2014they would pierce their tongues for some reason that is unbeknownst to be. I hear it is a horrible, painful thing. But it did hit me that: \u201cWhat would it look like, as Christians, if we allowed the cross of Jesus Christ to pierce our tongues?\u201d and \u201cLiterally, every word we say or\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014now, as we talk about, write online\u2014if every word that we said or presented to others is filtered through the cross of Jesus Christ?\u201d\u00a0 I think this revolution of language that we\u2019ve been talking about could happen if it started with the church.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, I\u2019m thinking about, as you say that, Ephesians 4\u2014I think it\u2019s verse 29\u2014that says, \u201cLet no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good for the edification of others.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a good test to begin with: \u201cIs this going to edify others, or is this an unwholesome word?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the dinner table, for a family, is an important time to really take heed to how you use your words. Barbara and I would be careful about what we talked about in front of the kids because we couldn\u2019t put it in a proper context, where they could understand what was really taking place. So, we wouldn\u2019t talk about matters that we would talk about privately because we didn\u2019t want our words to affect how the children viewed people or circumstances that they were going through.<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Yes, you know, you raise a point that my wife and I\u2014and with her permission, I can share this\u2014in our family, that dinner table time is so important. I\u2019ve heard it talked about on this show\u2014I know the value of that. But what happens a lot of times is that is a time to share gossip; and oftentimes, it\u2019s where we air our complaints. So, to venture just a little further down the path, beyond gossip\u2014is that this turns into a time of complaining.<\/p>\n<p>Talking about social media, I\u2019ve been struck recently at a meme\u2014I\u2019ve had to learn that word\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>\u2014that is going about called \u201cFirst-world problems.\u201d\u00a0 These are things that we complain about that only people in the first-world would complain about\u2014such as: \u201cDownloading the FamilyLife radio show drains my battery too quickly.\u201d\u00a0 Well, that is a first-world problem.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cThe air conditioning is way too cold in here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a first-world problem.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>I find a lot of times, around our little dinner table with my wife and son\u2014that we complain about these first-world problems.<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We have been working hard in our family to turn dinnertime into a time of gratitude \/ a time of thankfulness instead of a time of complaining or just going through the bad stuff that happened in our day.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And a time when this can happen is Sunday, after the worship service. A family sits down, and the question is asked, \u201cWhat did you think about the pastor\u2019s sermon?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Yes, we had the pastor for lunch.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We do. I think it\u2019s important, in those moments, for the adults \/ the parents to take the high road and talk about what was right \/ what was good, and not train their children in being critical about something that\u2019s really going to be important in their lives for the rest of their lives.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>You know what?\u00a0 When our kids our little\u2014I often tell my team at the Journey Church, where I pastor\u2014families\/parents are going to ask children two things: \u201cDid you have fun?\u201d and \u201cWhat did you learn?\u201d\u00a0 Well, unfortunately, we stop asking those questions when they get out of the kids\u2019 ministry; but what if we would continue to ask on Sunday, at lunch:<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cOkay, what did we learn?\u201d\u2014and then, more importantly\u2014\u201cWhat did we learn today at church that we can apply to our lives \/ to our family?\u201d\u00a0 Then, we take the Word of God and we make it applicable to our lives. That\u2019s very wholesome Sunday afternoon talk.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>One thing we haven\u2019t talked about\u2014and we\u2019ve talked about a lot of things, here this week. We\u2019ve talked about the power of words\u2014curse words\u2014and now, we\u2019ve talked about gossip. We really haven\u2019t spent time talking about the power of praise in a marriage and with children as we raise them.<\/p>\n<p>Too many times\u2014at least, Barbara and I kind of evaluated the words we used with our kids. It\u2019s easy to become critical of how they are not following through on their chores, how they\u2019re being sloppy with their homework, how they\u2019re really sniping at each other and being critical of one another in their sibling relationships. We really set a tone, in our families, that is negative rather than a positive one.<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You speak about this in your book repeatedly. Comment on that, if you would, please.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Well, there are two words\u2014praise and encouragement\u2014they go hand in hand. Really, no child can have enough of each; and no marriage can be too full of praise and encouragement.<\/p>\n<p>A lot of times, we fall into this trap of picking apart what we don\u2019t like or saying something negative\u2014and there is certainly a time for correction when it comes with our children. Discipline\u2014you spoke about that in many of your resources and given us good guidelines\u2014but at the same time, we have to be aware that praise is part of our family. We praise God on Sunday, but we also praise God daily in our family. And the truth is\u2014if we did more praising of God during the week, we\u2019d probably have a better session of praise on Sunday\u2014but praise is so important. Connected to that is the idea of encouragement.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, now, before you get to encouragement, let me just stop you at praise and use an illustration that occurred, this past weekend, with Barbara. I performed a marriage ceremony in Houston, Texas.<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>After it was over, we\u2019re driving back all the way to Arkansas. Barbara just put her hand on my shoulder and just patted my shoulder and she said, \u201cYou\u2019re really a good man.\u201d\u00a0 Now, she\u2019s said that before, and that\u2019s a <em>general<\/em> statement\u2014but she went on to unpack it a little bit\u2014and what she meant by that and what she\u2019d seen me doing.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know what it was about the moment, but I really did soak it in. It was like\u2014I need to be reminded that, as a man, some of the smaller things we do in life\u2014whether it\u2019s upfront, or behind the scenes, or private\u2014that it really is powerful, that it is sending a message, and that we have a responsibility at that point. If our spouse picks up on that, that can really kind of set that experience apart\u2014like a diamond set in a setting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Yes; and I have an experience, here with you, in the studio today\u2014I can see you being encouraged by that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>I can see the energy those words gave you. That\u2019s exactly what happens when those words are spoken\u2014that shows both love and respect, which is, in a lot of ways, the biblical standard for what we offer one another in marriage. Praise cuts across both. Praise shows that we love our spouse. When our spouse praises us\u2014particularly as men\u2014that shows that they respect us. So, it is, in a way, the fertilizer for both love and respect inside of the marriage.<\/p>\n<p>But what happens over time is\u2014this praise that we said when we were dating\u2014it goes away. We begin to take one another for granted. I just want to bring a new awareness to that\u2014of saying, \u201cLet\u2019s, at least, make sure our praises outnumber our criticisms; but maybe \/ just maybe we could focus even more on praise and eliminate the negative.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had a particularly close relationship with your mom, growing up. Was she good at praising and encouraging?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Well, we learn our habits from our parents\u2014that is the first school for most of us. Almost every negative thing that we do with our words, we learned it. Almost every positive thing that we do with our words, we learned it. Now, the good news is\u2014if a habit is learned, it can be unlearned. We have to allow the Scripture to penetrate our heart and to unlearn it.<\/p>\n<p>Now, I happened to grow up with a mother who was very affectionate and very praise-worthy with her words; but I also grew up with a dad who was very distant. And while today, as a follower of Christ\u2014he became a follower of Christ shortly after I did\u2014and thank the Lord for what God has done in his life\u2014but he was a man of no words. He was the strong, silent type. Honestly, I cannot remember a time, as a child, where he spoke a word of praise to me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Just as you were talking about with your wife, Dennis, I can remember\u2014sometime after he became a Christian, after I was an adult\u2014I can remember a small blessing that he spoke to me. Here we are, 20 years later; and I can still remember that. Today, as God has worked in him and he\u2019s been a Christ-follower for a while, I can see the change that that has had with his words; but I had to work through that because I had to realize that the way my earthly father spoke to me for so long is not reality for how my Heavenly Father relates to me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You don\u2019t know this, probably; but I wrote a book about honoring your parents\u2014called <em>The Tribute<\/em>, originally \/ today, it\u2019s called <em>The Forgotten Commandment<\/em>. And one of the things I have done, here on this show, is ask our guests to come back\u2014after Bob offers the book or the resource they\u2019ve created that we\u2019ve talked about on the broadcast\u2014I\u2019ve asked the guest to come back and give a tribute to their mom and dad.<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Rather than wait until the end, I\u2019m going to ask you to do it right now. What I would ask you to do is picture your dad, seated right here, and your mom, right here, at the table\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Not hard for me to do\u2014I can picture that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and you have a chance to look them in the eyes and express words of honor, here on this broadcast, in front of a few hundred thousand people around the country,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Yes, that is sweat you see now coming down. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and just express it in the first person, as a son, to Dad and to your mom.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Your book, <em>The Tribute<\/em>, I actually have an early edition of that. In fact, I think one of my first encounters with this show\u2014that was the monthly offer. I made a donation to the ministry, and I believe that was the book. I can actually see that book, sitting on my shelf, of speaking tribute to my parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Mom, I want to thank you for always being there for me\u2014for always providing comfort \/\u00a0 for always being the first one to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry this happened to you,\u201d\u2014or to celebrate with them when something good was there\u2014someone I never had to doubt. You were always there with me, and I never questioned: \u201cWould you be there, or would you not be there?\u201d\u2014you were always there.<\/p>\n<p>Then, to my dad\u2014I call him, \u201cDaddy.\u201d\u00a0 So, I would say:<\/p>\n<p>Daddy, thank you for providing a model of a man who provided for his family, even when things were tough. For a man who modeled integrity\u2014and sometimes, in your business, I knew that you could shave here or there or that you could do things that might advance you financially\u2014but you chose to be a person of integrity. You chose to do things right. And I thank you, now, as a follower of Christ\u2014we share that relationship and share it for all eternity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I don\u2019t know what your mom and dad would be thinking right now; but undoubtedly, the words of praise and encouragement to them are soaked up because usually moms and dads, near the end of their lives, are quite aware of their shortcomings and how they\u2019ve failed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>What you just magnified were those qualities\u2014a few of them\u2014that they did and did well.<\/p>\n<p>And I think you\u2019re helping folks\u2014whether it be\u2014in marriages, with their children, or in their relationships with siblings, perhaps, as adults\u2014find a way to use words in a powerful way to encourage those, while they are still alive, instead of waiting until they are gone.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I\u2019d just say, \u201cI think this is a stinkin\u2019 good book, you\u2019ve writing here.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 It\u2019s a\u2014sorry, I had to say\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nelson: <\/strong>Heck, yes\u2014I would say. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have copies of Nelson\u2019s book, <em>Tongue Pierced<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Click the link you see in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll see the information about the <em>Tongue Pierced<\/em> book\u2014how you can order it from us, online. There is also information there about the 30-day devotional. If you\u2019re looking to break some bad communication habits, particularly around cursing, you can download this devotional and use it over the next 30 days. That\u2019s available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com when you click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Ask how you can receive a copy of the book, <em>Tongue Pierced<\/em>, by Nelson Searcy.<\/p>\n<p>Now, as we wrap up this week, thanks to those of you who made the week possible. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. It\u2019s folks, like you\u2014and there are a handful of you in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014you are the guys who make this program possible as you support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, either as a monthly Legacy Partner or with an occasional contribution.<\/p>\n<p>Right now, if you can help with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a thank-you gift for your support. Barbara Rainey has just created a new spool of napkin ties\u2014each one with a different question on it\u2014and it\u2019s designed to make your holiday table a little more festive, but also, to promote conversation around the dinner table. She calls it \u201cUntie Your Story.\u201d It\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you support this ministry with a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI care,\u201d if you\u2019d like to make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for being with us. Hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family can worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to hear a message about gratitude. It\u2019s the first day of November, and we ought to be thinking about gratitude and thankfulness during November. Actually, we ought to be thinking about it every month; shouldn\u2019t we?\u00a0 That\u2019ll be our focus on Monday. Hope you can tune in for that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303726"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303726"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303726"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303726"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}