{"id":303676,"date":"2015-09-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-09-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-marriage-revolution\/"},"modified":"2015-09-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-09-25T15:00:00","slug":"a-marriage-revolution","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-marriage-revolution\/","title":{"rendered":"A Marriage Revolution"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hans and Star Molegraaf tell how their marriage fell apart nearly as quickly as their romance had started. But God led them back to one another and miraculously renovated their marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-09-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.94M","filesize_raw":"29292431","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903,2863],"tags":[4693],"podcast_series":[7745],"cwp_profile":[9208],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303676","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-save-my-marriage","podcast_series-love-renewed-hans-and-star-molegraaf","cwp_profile-hans-and-star-molegraaf","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303676\/a-marriage-revolution","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303676\/a-marriage-revolution","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wnh1l2gXOA\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-marriage-revolution\/\">A Marriage Revolution<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-marriage-revolution\/embed\/#?secret=wnh1l2gXOA\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Marriage Revolution&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wnh1l2gXOA\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Hans and Star Molegraaf tell how their marriage fell apart nearly as quickly as their romance had started. But God led them back to one another and miraculously renovated their marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-09-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Star Molegraaf remembers sitting across from a marriage counselor, who wanted to talk with her about the resurrection of Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>He looked at me again, real intently in the eye; and he said, \u201cDo you believe that God took that dead man out of the grave, raised Him to life so that He could save you?\u201d\u00a0 I said: \u201cYes. I believe that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She didn\u2019t get the connection between His resurrection and her marriage until he asked her this question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>He said, \u201cYou think God can take a dead man\u2014raise Him to life again to save you\u2014but you don\u2019t think that same God can heal your marriage?\u201d It was my moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Star Molegraaf shares with us today her resurrection moment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014tells us about the resurrection of her marriage. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. All this month, we are urging our listeners to join with us and to pray each day, together, as a couple. We\u2019ve been sending out prayer prompts each day as a part of our 30-Day Oneness Prayer Challenge. Here, on Day 25, the 25<sup>th<\/sup> of September, our prayer subject for the day is: \u201cKeeping God\u2019s Purpose at the Center of Your Marriage.\u201d We\u2019re encouraging husbands to pray that God will keep His purpose at the center of your relationship \/ that you will always seek to demonstrate His love through your marriage\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and encouraging wives to pray that you will continue to grow in your spiritual lives, both individually and together, and in your respective roles, as husband or wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know some of you were not with us when we started this prayer challenge, back at the beginning of September; but I want you to know you can sign up and start the journey on your own, today, if you\u2019d like. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Look for information about the 30-Day Oneness Prayer Challenge. We can get you started; and you can start praying together, as a couple, and just continue for the next 30 days. Take the challenge, and pray together every day for 30 days. See if that doesn\u2019t have a profound impact in your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the couple we have been talking to this week\u2014this is one of those couples Dennis, where, if you were to look at their circumstances, you would say that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cHumanly speaking, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014this is one of those\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014this is close to hopeless,\u201d\u2014but I know, because I\u2019ve seen God do it too many times\u2014He overcame death with His Son, Jesus Christ. If He can defeat death, He can defeat any problem you and I are facing. Hans and Star Molegraaf join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Hans, Star, welcome back to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Thanks for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You shared earlier just how your dating relationship started around alcohol, partying, having fun. It was kind of love at first sight\u2014with the enhancement of the alcohol. [Laughter]\u00a0 You started pursuing her; and 18 months later, found out she was pregnant\u2014a couple of months later, got married. Started out your marriage; and then only a few months into your marriage\u2014how long\u201412\/18 months into your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Twelve months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Twelve months; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Star, you had an affair. Hans, you were really abusing her physically, emotionally, verbally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor all practical purposes, your relationship was without hope. Your bags were packed, and you [Star] were ready to leave when you [Hans] came home from a business trip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In fact, you did leave that day when he showed up; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I did leave. I left, and I went to live with my mom. I took our two-year-old daughter, at the time, to live with me. Hans left to go live with his parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you thinking, \u201cThis is over now\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>I knew there was little hope. I was really kicking myself for not doing anything prior to this point. One of the things that happened is\u2014whenever I went to go move in with my parents, I just expected them to graciously receive me in. Although they did, it was on one condition\u2014they said, \u201cIf you are going to live in our house, we want you to go to marriage counseling.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember telling my dad: \u201cDad, you don\u2019t understand. Star doesn\u2019t want anything to do with me. She is just not going to go.\u201d He said: \u201cNo. You don\u2019t understand. I want you to go by yourself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWithin a couple of weeks, after me being in my parents\u2019 house, I found myself sitting, face to face, with the marriage counselor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What was that first session like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>First of all, I didn\u2019t want to go. I was a little reluctant to even be there. I know I had a chip on my shoulder\u2014I was really mad at Star, at this point\u2014she had left. Again, I was starting to put two and two together with her having the suspected affair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I remember about that counseling session is telling him everything that Star was doing: \u201cWell, Star is doing this. Star doesn\u2019t respect me.\u201d\u00a0 All of this negative stuff about Star. After I got done explaining to him everything that Star had been doing, I remember him immediately responding back with God\u2019s Word. He read to me Philippians 2. He explained to me the idea behind Philippians 2 and how Jesus Christ came to this earth. He deserved everything\u2014He deserved for people to worship Him \/ He deserved for people to bow down to Him\u2014He deserved everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had all of these biblical rights. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my mind, one of my hot buttons with Star is that she didn\u2019t respect me. I remember saying to Carl, which is our marriage counselor\u2019s name, at the time: \u201cDoesn\u2019t the Bible say somewhere that Star should respect me? I mean, I need to be respected. That is one of my biggest needs.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen he responded with Jesus\u2019 attitude\u2014as He had all these biblical rights\u2014again, He came and He deserved to be served. Yet, He chose the attitude of a servant. He served the people that He interacted with. At the beginning\u2014I think it is in Philippians [2], verse 5\u2014it says we are to be imitators of Christ Jesus. When I compared my life with how Christ Jesus lived His life, my sin was exposed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have done a lot of thinking about that moment and exactly what happened\u2014there was some type of spiritual transformation that happened in that moment. Although I can\u2019t exactly put words to what happened, I know that change took place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe change that took place was that I went in there, pointing my finger at Star; and I went out of there, broken at how I had contributed to our issues in our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Star, you are still involved with this other guy. Did you even know he [Hans] was going to marriage counseling?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I did. I knew that he was going to counseling. In fact, I used to think he was turning into a holy freak. I thought: \u201cMan! He is really getting extreme on this stuff.\u201d\u00a0 However, there was a side of me that was very drawn to who he was becoming. He was becoming the man that I always dreamed he would be, but there was such severe brokenness in our relationship that I wasn\u2019t certain I could ever have an intimate relationship with him again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How were things with your new boyfriend?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I was loving this life\u2014I was having a good time. I was hanging with my girlfriends. I was dating this other guy and really had no intentions on repairing our marriage. In fact, if I had the money, we already would have been divorced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was not going to give me a divorce, and I did not have the money to pay for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did you even get pulled back in to any dialogue with Hans?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got this other guy, who is treating you nice, and you are ready to check out. How did you get roped back in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>We had our daughter. We had to communicate when we had to\u2014you know, when Hans had her for the weekends. I hated that I looked like the bad guy. I hated\u2014because I kept all of our secrets. People didn\u2019t know\u2014not very many anyway\u2014what really went on in our marriage. Now, here we are separated. Hans is going to counseling, and he is turning into this great guy. I am, on the other side, feeling like I am wearing the Scarlet Letter. I wanted people to know who he was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHans had an anger issue, but I knew how to push every button that he had. He said before\u2014that he felt I could run circles around him in conversations. I grew up in a home where you made sure that you weren\u2019t wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew how to make sure I was always right. He couldn\u2019t ever win\u2014I would do that. I would push those same buttons because I thought: \u201cThis change is not real. It will be just like every other change, and it won\u2019t last.\u201d I pushed every button Hans had, <em>wanting<\/em> him to respond the way that he was. I think I wanted it to justify what I was doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You wanted him to re-explode \/ to get angry again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star:<\/strong> I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to lash out at you \/ maybe even shake you again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Absolutely; absolutely. I wantedeveryone to see he had not changed: \u201cThis is the same. Star is right. Move on and be done.\u201d I would do this\u2014we would get into these fights. Really, I think I would just fight with myself because, <em>truly<\/em>, he was not the same. Something was happening, and he just did <em>not<\/em> respond. I can remember throwing everything he had ever done into his face: \u201cYou did this,\u201d and \u201cYou did this,\u201d and \u201cHow can we <em>ever<\/em> have a marriage?\u201d He would just say, \u201cI know. I know\u2014and I am <em>so<\/em> <em>sorry<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did that ever break your heart?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>It did!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, slowly but surely melt the calloused heart that you had?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>It did. To see him changing and to see the truth that he really was sorry. He would say to me: \u201cStar, I want us to have something different. I want it to be different.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, the part that I couldn\u2019t get over was, \u201cI just can\u2019t stand him!\u201d I couldn\u2019t ever think about us even kissing again. In my mind, I\u2019m going: \u201cOkay, now that he is this guy that everyone loves, how do I love him again? How do we ever have a marriage relationship again?\u201d\u2014very shortly after that was when I went to my first counseling session.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did that happen?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I did. I ended up going to the same counselor that Hans went to. My motive was a little different. I went because I was so sick of people\u2019s \u201caccountability.\u201d I thought: \u201cYou know what? I am going to go to this stinking counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI am going to say that I went. I am going to check off the list. I am going to go to two or three sessions, at the most.\u201d All of my friends knew that this was what I was going to do. \u201cThen, I am going to be done\u2014and I am going to be able to walk. I can justify that: \u2018You know what?\u00a0 Too little, too late\u2014it just didn\u2019t work.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did. I went to my first session. It was just the counselor and I in the room\u2014Hans wasn\u2019t there. I just vented. I vented to him everything that Hans had ever done to me and just every reason why there was no way this could work. I thanked him for what he was doing with Hans. I said: \u201cYou know\u2014it is great!\u2014he is a new guy; but you know what?\u2014too little, too late. My heart has been broken, and I cannot be in a marriage where I am miserable.\u201d My logic was, \u201cCertainly God would not want me in a marriage where I was miserable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe just listened. He kind of let me vent. There was a point in the session where he just looked me in the eye, very intently; and he said, \u201cStar, I need to ask you something.\u201d I said: \u201cOkay. What?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI need to ask you if you believe that Jesus Christ was raised from the dead.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo which I said: \u201cYes! I believe that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe shook his head. He looked at me, again, real intently in the eye\u2014and he said: \u201cYou don\u2019t hear what I am asking you. Do you <em>believe<\/em> <em>it<\/em>? Do you believe that God took that dead man out of the grave, raised Him to life so that He could save you?\u201d I said, \u201cYes! I believe that.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYou think God can take a dead man, raise Him to life again to save you, but you don\u2019t think that same God can heal your marriage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was my moment\u2014like something came on that wasn\u2019t on before. Part of my heart was opened up in a way that it had never been opened up before. I remember wondering: \u201cWhat if God could do it? What if He could give us what we had always wanted? What if He could give me what I had always wanted in our marriage?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI turned to God just a teeny bit. I watched Him begin to unfold things in our life that I am certain we had <em>never<\/em> experienced.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Life change. I think, for the first time, we really began to love each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I watched Hans forgive me. I told everyone that I knew that I would take my secret to the grave. If they every ratted me out, I would deny it and call them a liar. I said I would <em>never<\/em> confess it\u2014no matter what, even after we were back together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember we were just <em>connecting<\/em>. The hardest thing for me was to ever imagine us being close together, as a couple\u2014any intimacy whatsoever\u2014even to hold hands. To see that <em>desire<\/em> come back, to actually long for him, I <em>knew<\/em> that had to be God. I knew there was <em>no<\/em> way that I could muster that on my own\u2014I tried. I had tried while we were separated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would test it because I <em>wanted<\/em> it to be there; but it just wasn\u2019t there\u2014not until I let God into the equation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I finally confessed to him\u2014when I knew that we could not move forward if he didn\u2019t know\u2014I can remember telling God: \u201cOkay, God. If he asks, I\u2019m going to tell him.\u201d\u00a0 I can remember the night that he asked me\u2014he said really gently: \u201cStar, I just need to know. I need to know.\u201d\u00a0 I can remember thinking, \u201cWe cannot have any secrets.\u201d I told him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHans was such an angry man before\u2014he was <em>so<\/em> jealous and <em>so<\/em> angry. He just didn\u2019t even respond the same. He was so forgiving, in that moment. That was something our relationship had never experienced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Why did you forgive her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Because I realized that she is responsible for her actions; but in my mind, I really saw it as my fault. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had seen the way that I had treated her the first 18 months of our marriage, and I didn\u2019t blame her for having an affair. I was not a loveable man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, bringing it back to my relationship with the Lord\u2014how can I not? How could I have <em>not<\/em> forgiven her? How could I not give that same forgiveness away?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How did you express that forgiveness?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Accepting responsibility for my part of the role and letting her know that I loved her\u2014letting her know that I forgave her\u2014embracing her. Dennis, I can\u2019t explain it. I get asked that question so many times: \u201cHow did you do it, Hans? How did you do it?\u201d The only thing I can say is relating it back to Star\u2019s moment in counseling. The same God that raised Jesus Christ from the dead did a <em>miracle<\/em> in my heart. My miracle was the ability to forgive her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you ever throw that affair back at her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Never. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014since then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Never\u2014never. I am here to say that I cannot say, \u201cNever,\u201d about a lot of things; but in that instance, I have never thrown it back in her face. Have I gotten sad, have I been brought back to tears, have I been hurt deeply as I share about the experience with other people?\u2014absolutely. I almost look at it as we were\u2014it was a team sin\u2014she was not a 100 percent responsible for her going off to have the affair \/\u00a0 I was a messed-up individual, those first 18 months of my marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You guys eventually got directed to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This was not long after you had gotten back together; was it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes. Shortly after we got back together, we were on-fire for the Lord \/ on-fire for each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe couldn\u2019t wait to get our hands on anything that had the word, \u201cJesus,\u201d on it \/ that had \u201cGod\u201d on it\u2014that had \u201cmarriage.\u201d When the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> was advertised at our church, it was a no-brainer\u2014we immediately signed up. We went to the conference. It was at the Greenspoint Wyndham. It was an incredible experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, it was a little bit different. We were going through counseling, at the time; and we were learning all of these biblical principles for how to do marriage. When we were at the conference, a lot of what we were hearing was not necessarily new things to us\u2014it was just reiterating what we had already learned in counseling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>It totally blew me away that God really had a plan for our marriage\u2014that we could do it His way and that it could work. I didn\u2019t just have to <em>survive<\/em>. I didn\u2019t just have to stay with this man because it was the right thing to do\u2014but that we could have something <em>beautiful<\/em>. For me, I couldn\u2019t get enough of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tQuite honestly, we were watching a lot of our friends around us. When we all got married\u2014there were five of us from high school who were close friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, we are the only ones who are still married. At that time, I was watching all of my friends around me go through things that we had gone through. In my mind\u2014I am at this conference\u2014and I am thinking, \u201cThey just don\u2019t know \/ I just didn\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 I can remember thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t want anyone I know to not know.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Hearing your story drives me back to a passage that I have shared, maybe a hundred times since 1992, when we started <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. It is Ephesians, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 4, verse 32, \u201cBe kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.\u201d\u00a0 That really is what happened here. You both forgave each other as Christ had forgiven you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe result of that was a transformation\u2014a new beginning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are people listening, right now, who do not believe that it could happen to them. The reality is this book, the Bible, and the promises of Scripture are really there for you to believe, just like that counselor asked you, Star: \u201cDo you really believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for you and was raised from the dead?\u00a0 Do you really believe that was for you?\u201d You did. You embraced it. That was the beginning of the transformation. It wasn\u2019t playing church \/ it wasn\u2019t a bunch of religious duties\u2014it was two broken people, ultimately, surrendering to Christ. Now, your marriage\u2014how many years later?\u2014fifteen years later?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Sixteen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Sixteen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes, sixteen\u2014just turned sixteen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is really a remarkable statement of God\u2019s grace, and you have left FamilyLife staff to go do what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>[Laughter] We are really excited. We are starting our own marriage ministry, Marriage Revolution. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to give away what we have received. We know there are lots of couples, right now, who are going through the same thing that we went through, fifteen years ago. We just want to share our story \/ we want to share God\u2019s Word\u2014we want to share God\u2019s plan for marriage with as many couples as we can. For us, what that looks like is sitting across a table from a couple and doing it, couple to couple. We can\u2019t wait to start that ministry. We are excited.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think it is beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think you guys are terrific. I look forward to hearing how God uses you in the years ahead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re going to be sharing with a lot of couples up here in a few weeks because Hans and Star are going to be joining us in Lynchburg, Virginia, at Thomas Road Baptist Church, where we are hosting a one-day event for couples called <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.Not only are you going to be sharing with a lot of couples who are there that day, but this event is being simulcast to hundreds of churches all around the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are going to be a lot of folks who are going to hear about the help and the hope that you found in the gospel as they come and join with us at <em>I Still Do<\/em> on Saturday, October 17<sup>th<\/sup>. If you\u2019re in the Lynchburg area, come be with us live. If you\u2019re not, your church can be a host site for this simulcast. You can find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Look for information about <em>I Still Do<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlistair Begg will be joining us that day \/ Alex Kendrick will be with us\u2014Crawford and Karen Loritts \/ Dennis and Barbara Rainey. We\u2019ve got a big day planned. We would love to have you be part of <em>I Still Do<\/em>. Host this event in your church on October 17<sup>th<\/sup>. Get more information when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Or call us if you have any questions at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHans and Star are also featured in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video event that we put together for couples that can be hosted <em>anytime<\/em>. It\u2019s a Friday night\/Saturday marriage conference for your community or for your church. You can host this\u2014it\u2019s easy to do. There is great Bible teaching, powerful stories, and a lot of engagement with couples. We\u2019ve had thousands of churches host an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event. We\u2019d love to have you sign up and host one of these events in your community as well. Again, find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Look for information about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d\u20141-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as we wrap up this week, I want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have made this week possible\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014those of you who are Legacy Partners, and support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation each month, and those of you who will occasionally stop by our website, or give us a call, or mail in a donation to support this ministry. We are listener-supported. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are able to help with a donation today, we would love to send you a thank-you gift\u2014it\u2019s our 2016 calendar \/ it\u2019s the FamilyLife calendar that\u2019s all about prayer. It\u2019ll give you suggestions on things to pray for each month, as a family. The calendar actually starts in October of 2015. As soon as you get it, you can hang it up and start using it. Again, it\u2019s our gift to you when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d\u2014make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in church this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday\u2014Francis and Lisa Chan are going to be here. We\u2019re going to talk about their new book on marriage. It\u2019s a great book\u2014it\u2019s called <em>You and Me Forever<\/em>. Hope you can join us for our conversation with the Chans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_____________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303676","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303676"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303676"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303676"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303676"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303676"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303676"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303676"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}